Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Artists: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue,
kittykab
REPEATS?
After 11 years of gathering jokes from subscribers and web sites, I am bound
to repeat something every now and then -- or more often LOL I do
repeat a few knowingly but there are some repeated when I don't remember
if I ran the joke or not. I can't imagine no one complaining (except the gal
who complained about all of the Obama jokes) - I must have the best
subscribers in the world - seriously!
I am enjoying putting together the newsletters again - the fun was gone for
a while when I kept losing everything. All is well, my external hard drive is doing
it's thing and all is right with the world or at lease since the repubs had a win in MA,
things are heading that way! And of course the fact that my webmaster RULES,
I am one lucky lady!
and here we go:
** $5,000 REWARD to REPORT DOGFIGHTING 1.877.NO2-FITE **
You will remain anonymous.
Be careful when surfing the Internet.
I have checked EACH link (except the NAUGHTY)
submitted to you and they are in working order as of this posting.
Always be
aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break
my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send
an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"you do a fabulous job"
Virg297
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The Top 20 News Headlines Predicted for 2010
copyright topfive.com chris white
20> Secret Service Screwup Allows George W. Bush to Sneak Back
Into White House
19> Report: TSA Airport Body Scanners Target "Bra Bomber"
Demographic
18> Medical Marijuana Laws Create Huge Buzz
17> "Avatar" Sweeps Oscars, Cameron Claims "I'm King of the
Smurfs"
16> Chesley Sullenberger Safely Lands US Economy
15> Joseph Jackson Announces "Michael: The Disinterred Cadaver
Tour"
14> New Sleep Study Shows C-Span More Effective Than Ambien
13> USA Switches to New "So You Think You Can Be President?"
Reality Electoral System
12> Archaeologists: Mayan Calendar Calculation Off by Two Ye
11> Madonna, Jolie Announce Joint Plans for Sneaker Sweatsho--er, Factory
10> Palin to Appear on "Real Housewives of Caribou County"
9> International Voters Surprise Obama with Olympic Figure
Skating Medal, Miss Universe Crown
8> Iran Claims Recently Discovered Nuclear Facility Just Used "to Burn
Ants"
7> Obama Courts GOP Support by Proposing Universal Wealth Care
6> Global Warming Blamed for Tipper Gore's Hot Flashes
5> GOP Retakes House and Senate, Returns to Being in Favor of
Out-of-Control Spending and Prolonging War
4> Miley Cyrus Latest Disney Nymphette to Board Bullet Train to Slutsville
3> Environmental Impact Study Halts Gosselin-Suleman Wedding
2> Climate Change Deniers Missing in Cancun Blizzard
and Topfive.com's Number 1 News Headline Predicted for 2010...
1> Alert Airline Passengers Tackle, Restrain Tiger Woods' Penis
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dallas229
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After 35 years of accident free driving
I finally had a wreck. I am
fine, but it was one of those stupid rear end collisions, where it could
have been avoided. It was really nobody’s fault.
To my surprise, the guy I hit was a dwarf. He stormed out of his car,
stomped back to my car and shouted at me, " I AM NOT HAPPY !".
So, I asked him, " Well, which one are you ?"
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Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top
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Newly elected Republican Senator Scott Brown
of Massachusetts once
posed nude for Cosmo magazine. That's why he pulled such an upset
victory. Voters could see the guy has balls
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Spanish
Tortilla with Bell Pepper
It's like breakfast for dinner!
Serves 4 - Prep Time - 15 minutes - Total time - 45 minutes
· 1 tablespoon olive oil, plus more for serving
· 1 pound Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and sliced inch thick
· 1 red bell pepper (ribs and seeds removed), thinly sliced
· 1 medium onion, halved and thinly sliced
· Coarse salt and ground pepper
· 8 large eggs
· 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley, plus more for garnish
· 1/2 teaspoon hot sauce
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium ovenproof nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium. Add potatoes, bell pepper, and onion; season with salt and pepper (skillet will be very full). Cover, and cook, stirring occasionally, until potatoes are crisp-tender, 14 to 16 minutes. Uncover, and cook off excess liquid, 1 to 2 minutes.
2. In a bowl, whisk together eggs, parsley, hot sauce, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and teaspoon pepper. Pour egg mixture over vegetables in skillet, and stir to distribute evenly. With the back of a spatula, press down on vegetables so they lay flat and are submerged.
3. Bake until tortilla is set, 12 to 16 minutes. To unmold, run a rubber spatula around edge of skillet to release tortilla; invert onto a serving plate. Drizzle tortilla with oil; garnish with parsley.
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BADVETTE87
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If Pelosi, Reid, Kerry and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the
ocean and it sank, who would be saved?
America!
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Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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HOT WORD OF THE SUMMER:
Staycation: a vacation spent at home
because
it's too expensive to travel.
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They say Los Angeles could receive over
20-inches of rain this
week. If you're in LA, just a reminder -- at any time, Pamela
Anderson may be used as a flotation device
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Dog Friendly Honda Element - Review of the 2010 Honda Element Dog Friendly Package
For several years, many dog owners have been saying that the Honda Element is of the most dog-friendly vehicles on the market. Honda listened, and they took steps to make it even better. The 2010 Honda Element EX has the option to add a dog-friendly package, which includes a car kennel, dog bed, ramp and much more
This is so very cool -- Are you looking for a new best friend? Friend Fetcher has over
100 animated dog breeds who would love to meet you. Find out who is right for
you and your lifestyle - straight from the dogs' mouths. PLEASE get your
new best friend from your local shelter.
Martha introduces her cats and discusses why cats make great pets with Marc Morrone, Dr. Phillip Raclyn, Pam Rutan, and Grace Coddington
Funny - the guy who calls the 'cat fight' is hilarious!
Read to Animals Programs - Children learn to read and develop bonds while reading to a dog or cat
An innovative kind of reading program is developing to help these kids learn to read: the concept of reading to a cat or dog. What a great idea!
Please don't consider declawing your cat - vets are realizing it's NOT a good
thing and lots are not agreeing to perform the surgery and YES it is
surgery -- a big deal. Provide plenty of clawing posts and your cat will be
quite happy without you resorting to maiming your cat.
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I don't care how many weeks of winter are left - I just
don't want that groundhog doing his business on my lawn
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Holy Hell
3gp Balloon eater « Free 3gp Video
I didn't know where to put this link -- watch this woman
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Insider tip: Your shy geek stud might be more
willing to dabble in bondage if you find a way to
make it feel familiar.
For example: 100 feet of
CAT5 network cable can be purchased for about $10
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I'm not a couch potato any more....
I'm a computer potato
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dallas229
I take exception to saying that Pelosi, Bernanke, Obama and Reid are
spending money like drunken sailors.
When I was a drunken sailor, I quit spending when I ran out of money!
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BADVETTE87
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster
than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break
and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him
for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The
officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred
Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through
college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I
was Fred Johnson, MD.. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I
decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so
then
I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant
and she gave
me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS,
with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about
the ADA
taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving
me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing
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Boolean Searching
There's something about learning a funny technological word that
brings out the geek in everyone! Today's subject is one that will help everyone
work more efficiently while searching on the Internet. It's called “Boolean”.
Say you're looking for a specific thing on the web, but every time
you search it seems as though there are too many results, and to go through all
of them would take hours! Boolean
operators can streamline this process; giving you a more
refined search. Here are a few to try out:
Quotes:
Yes, putting quotes around your search terms looks for the words or phrase
exactly as typed. If you put in “Granola Bars” the sites returned will have
only those words in their exact order. This is my favorite one to use when I'm
looking for a specific file or subject and want to skip all the browsing
around.
And:
The operator “and” is used to combine search terms so that information is only
retrieved if all terms occur in the same document. So if you're looking for
“Doctors and Lawyers”, type in that phrase, and what will be returned are
documents with both keywords in them.
Not:
“Not” prevents retrieval of documents in which specified terms occur together.
This operator is also good to use when a keyword has multiple meanings. So the
search “milk not butter” will find documents where “milk” occurs but “butter”
doesn't.
Or:
"Or" combines keywords so the retrieved documents contain any or all
of the keywords. Most search engines don't need this though, as they assume
this as the operator being used already.
Till' next time!
worldstart.com
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Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a
marge lansion.Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors,
emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was
knucking fackered. The sugly
isterswere right bugly astards.. One wascalled Mary Hinge, and the otherwas
called Betty Swallocks; they
were really forrible huckers; theyhad fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly
isters had tickets to
go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly
there was a bucking fang,
and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was
a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six
dandy ronkeys who had buge
hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by
dimnlight otherwise,
there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercel la was dancing with
the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve.. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!"
said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping
barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper. The very next day, the
prandsome hince knocked on
Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in... Suddenly, Betty Swallocks
lifted her leg and let off a
fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame
that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown
cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without
success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and
gave the prandsome hince aknack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he
had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on
Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome
hince were
married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and
Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
T T T T T
I had a secretary who claimed that she liked to live like she types:
Fast and with lots of mistakes.
T T T
T T
Did you hear what happened to the butcher? He
backed into a meat
slicer and got a little behind in his work.
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indianagene
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A guy meets a hunter at the local pub. "So, what do you
hunt?" he asks."Unicorns," the hunter answers. The guy
was startled, but regains his composure and says,
"Really? How do you do that?"
"I find a virgin and hire her to
help me. The virgin sits around in the woods
until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, I set off a snare."
"Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but
I've never seen one," says the guy.
"Yeah," replies the
hunter. "And there ain't many unicorns around, either!"
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DestinationRx - Compare Prices and Shop for Prescription Drugs
Prescription drugs can be expensive. The costs really add up if you're on several. But there are ways to save. For example, you can comparison shop. Or, you can switch to a low-cost alternative. How do you comparison shop prescription drug prices? Easy! You just go to Destination RX.Enter the name of your drug. Specify the dosage and how many pills you need.Then, you have several options. Click Pharmacy Pricing and enter your ZIP code. This will help you compare prices at local pharmacies.Or, click Comparable Drugs. This will help you find generic alternatives KKomando.com
Skin Deep: Cosmetic Safety Database
You do plenty of research before buying a car or computer. But you probably don't research personal care products. We assume that the soap, cosmetics and toothpaste we buy are safe. Many of us reach for the least expensive product on the shelf. Not so fast! These products may contain harmful ingredients. They may be associated with cancers. Or, they could be linked to birth defects and allergies.
How Hungry Are You, Really? - realage.com
Do you really know when you need to eat -- and when to stop? The cues you've been depending on may be as reliable as a $2 umbrella in a hurricane. Discover the truth about them so they won't fool you again in the future.
The Experts Talk About Stress | ThirdAge Articles
Jim Calhoun has been immersed in his job since 1972. Calhoun, 67, has taken a leave of absence as UConn men's basketball coach for undisclosed medical reasons and sources say the issue is stress-related. Can the stress of a job become too much, even for a man who seemingly thrives on the competitive nature of coaching? We ask the experts
Prostate Therapy Differs Between Hospitals | ThirdAge Articles
What type of prostate cancer treatment a man receives depends on whether he is treated at county or private hospitals, U.S. researchers say. The study, in the journal Cancer, found patients treated in county hospitals are more likely to undergo surgery while patients treated in private facilities tend to receive radiation or hormone therapy
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Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
`Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits.
'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favorite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits.
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Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High
Street, right next
door to St. Joseph's Church. After March 1, Cleanliness Is Next
to Godliness.'
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"It takes time to raise about 25
children. I know, I have two
myself. That's plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of them. They're
awfully cute. I can't think of their names. They don't come when
I call them anyway." --Victor Borge
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After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome
was sitting around the
clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming
after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced,
"If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!"
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"Christie's auction house in New York is
auctioning off life
vests from the Titanic. Why would anyone want a life vest from
the Titanic? I'm pretty sure they don't work." -Craig Ferguson
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The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought
in to be their new conductor. Their fears were realized at the
very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor
did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments
together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The
conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra,
demanding, "Who did that? Who did that?"
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T T
The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT?"
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I'm not saying she's easy, but her body has
been declared a national
recreation area.
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oldwild
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Complete with artificial intelligence
and
flesh-like synthetic skin, ROXXXY the sex
robot
is a dream come true -- for nerdy losers, that is.
Heeeeeeeeeeere's Roxxxy: http://snipurl.com/roxxxy
The Top 14 Romance Movies Starring Sex
Robots
(Part I)
14> Some Like It Bot
13> WD40 Days and WD40 Nights
12> Jerry Miswired
11> A Roomba With a View
10> The Cervix Rebooted
9> While You Were Beeping
8> The Princess Droid
7> Full Metal Jackie
6> The Borne Automaton
5> From Here to Extended Warranty
4> Hannah and Her Transistors
3> My Fair LED
2> I, Ho-bot
and Topfive.com's
Number 1
Romance Movie Starring
Sex Robots...
1> The Way We Whirr
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TopFive refuses to
take a position on this very
controversial issue, except to ask if you
could
please run to the 7-Eleven and bring us back
a
bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a microwave burrito.
copyright topfive.com chris
white
The Top 20 Names for Marijuana Stores
20> Pot Barn
19> Brookstoned
18> Aeropotsale
17> THC Friday's
16> Spliffany's
15> Victoria's Secret Stash
14> Best Bud
13> Tokes 'R' Us
12> Yankee Cannabis
11> Herb DePot
10> Grass Spliff Avenue
9> Fillabong
8> Williams-Sativa
7> Pipe Boys
6> Starbuzz
5> Bud, Bong and Beyond
4> Abercrombie & Spliff
3> Things Forgotten
2> Laura Hashley
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Name for a Marijuana Store...
1> Whoa*Mart
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Cold Noses at The Pearly Gate
by Gary Kurz
"Do all dogs and cats really go to heaven? Yes, they do! The death of your beloved pet can be one of the most heartbreaking losses you'll ever endure. But recovery isn't only about closure. You also want to know where your best friend has gone. After the intense, unexpected grief he experienced following the loss of his own companions, animal lover and biblical scholar Gary Kurz set out to prove that there are indeed pets in Paradise. After devoting countless hours of research, he now shares his inspiring insights to bring you a richer understanding of animals and their souls. You-ll finally find answers to common questions about animals and the afterlife-and you-ll also get a 30-day devotional to help you work through your grief. If you-ve ever loved and lost a pet, or if you know someone who has shared a special bond with a furry face and a cold, wet nose, you'll welcome this amazing book's reassurance that love and loyalty are truly eternal, and that someday, you and your pets will be together again."
This book is fantastic -- you'll laugh and you will most definitely cry but most all you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will someday be reunited with beloved pets who went before you.
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Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
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Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm. One drunk says to
the other drunk, "Did you sleep with my wife last night?" To which
the other drunk replies, "Not a wink."
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Remember: No matter how dark things seem to
be or actually are,
you can always cheer yourself up by scaring the daylights out of
the cat with the vacuum cleaner.
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HOOSIER-HUNK
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I don't know why some people don't
believe in sex before marriage.
If you ask me, it's a hell of a lot more believable than sex
AFTER marriage!
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Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other invention
in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and
tequila.
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Constipation: to have and to hold
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... but
hell hath
comparatively even less fury if you then start dating her sister.
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One shot from the chute and you'll be hooked! Bubble Town is the arcade-style puzzle game that will test your wits, not just your reflexes. Join the unforgettable cast of characters for an adventur...
Hidden Expedition: Everest | Games.com
Fresh from a successful exploration of the wreck of the Titanic, the Hidden Expedition Club will pit one of its stellar members against a formidable group of opponents in a race to the summit of Ev...
Hidden Expedition: Titanic | Games.com
On April 14, 1912, the great steamship RMS Titanic struck an iceberg and within hours, sank to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. As part of the Hidden Expedition Adventure League, it is your job to...
Play Free Online Games, Internet Games, and Free Games | Pogo Games
I love this site! Tons of games I bet you'll enjoy!
T T T T T
You know, every year about this time I come
up against the
same dietary dilemma. Do mallow-creme pumpkins count as fruit
or vegetable?
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The one piece of advice I wish I'd paid
attention to is that
thing on the cleaner bag that says you shouldn't put it over your
head. Man, was my face red that time! Or maybe blue -- I've been
having trouble with my memory since then.
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Gonorrhea Lectim
New Disease
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain
of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through
dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim.. And pronounced "gonna re-elect-em."
Many victims contracted it in 2008, after having been screwed for
the past two years. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how
this destructive disease has become since it is easily cured... by voting
out all incumbents!
NOW GET BUSY AND STAMP OUT THIS DREADFUL DISEASE !!!!
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My wife told me she'd like to be
completely
pampered for Valentine's Day, and I'll do my best
to oblige. I only hope she's okay with the
fact
that in her size, I could only find
Depends.
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A pirate walks into a bar
He walks up to the counter and the bartender notices a large
steering wheel with a parrot perched atop it sticking out of the
pirate's pants.
He says to the pirate, "Hey friend, do you realize you have a
steering wheel with a parrot on it sticking out of your pants?"
To which the pirate replies, "Yar! He's driving me nuts!"
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Q: Did you hear about the girl who wanted to join the Army?
A: She jumped over a campfire and got "Deferred."
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"The Mars Lander has found traces of ice and salt on Mars. Now,
it's looking for tequila." -David Letterman
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How To Troubleshoot a Computer That Won't Turn On
It's a dreadful way to start a day - you press the power button on your computer and nothing happens. Few computer problems are more frustrating than when your computer won't boot.
There are many reasons why a computer won't turn on and often very few clues about what might be the problem. The only symptom is usually the simple fact that "nothing works" which isn't much to go on. Add to this the fact that whatever is wrong could be an expensive part of your PC to replace - like the motherboard or CPU.
Do not fear because all may not be lost!
Follow these steps to determine why your computer won't turn on.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Anywhere from 10 minutes to a few hours or more
depending on why the computer won't turn on
Computer Won't Turn On - How To Troubleshoot a Computer That Won't Turn On - Computer Won't Boot
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"Yesterday a top Starbucks executive resigned.
He will receive a
$120 million severance package or three lattes." -Conan O'Brien
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"For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may
now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom." -David Gunter
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Automatic e-mail replies: I will be unable to delete all the
e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient,
and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
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DeVulcano
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My dominatrix has a birthday soon. I think
I'll just buy her a
gag gift
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In 1947 Milton Berle was one of the biggest
names in comedy. But
as his career rose, his marriage failed, leading to a divorce from
his wife Joyce Mathews.
Two years later, Berle and Mathews got married for the second
time. Why marry the same woman all over again?
"Because" Berle explained to reporters, "she reminds me of my
first wife."
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This Leno/Conan thing is officially out of
hand now.
NBC chief Jeff Zucker screwed up the nighttime talk
show hosting situation so badly that he's become the
laughingstock of the television industry,
moving
Jay Leno to prime time and giving Conan O'Brien
the host spot for "The Tonight Show,"
then trying
to undo the moves when their ratings both tanked.
Jay defended himself by saying NBC forced him
to
return to "The Tonight Show" and that he refused
until
Conan decided he didn't want to continue in a later
time slot. During his monologue, Conan called the
NBC brass "morons who eat money and crap
trouble."
Then Conan listed "Tonight" for sale on
Craigslist:
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/clt/1551463643.html
Sure, but what are they REALLY
saying?
copyright topfive.com chris white
The Top 17 Things Heard Lately at Network Late-Night Talk Shows
17> "Dammit, we *just* got all the chin scuff marks out of the
desk!"
16> "Great news: They just greenlighted 'So You Think You Can
Host a Talk Show.'"
15> "Heh-heh-heh. Everything is proceeding as I had foreseen. Soon
I, Jon Stewart, shall rule the entire late-night
universe!"
14> "I hear Fox won't take Conan unless he dumps Andy Richter for Joe
the Plumber."
13> "The new show premiering after 'The Tonight Show' will be
called 'I'm Still UP, Now What?' We're pitching Viagra as
the sponsor."
12> "Man, that 'Tonight Show' host's chair has had more men in
it than Paris Hilton."
11> "I hear that in the Southern hemisphere, Leno's new show goes
down the drain counter-clockwise."
10> "Letting Conan walk was simply the least expensive option on
the table. After all, he's only demanding $40 million or
so to leave. Jay's contract stipulates that if we take him
off the air, we have to gas up all his cars."
9> "This reminds me of the time NBC misplaced Craig Kilborn.
Nobody's seen him since."
8> "We need someone with more gravitas, someone who commands
respect. Get me Jerry Springer!"
7> "I'm sorry, Mr. Leno can't talk right now -- Mr. Zucker is going
down on him."
6> "Leno? Conan? Hmmm... I say we compromise and give the job to
Leonard Cohen."
5> "All right, writing staff, let's get to work. Now that he's
got 'The Tonight Show' back, Jay's gonna need some brand
new Lorena Bobbitt material!"
4> "I agree. 'Survivor: Talk Show Hosts' might be our only
option."
3> "Conan, here's our final offer: You open 'Tonight' from 11:35
to 11:36, introduce Jay as your guest, then just sit on
the couch and shut up until 12:34 when you say 'Goodnight,
everybody. Join us tomorrow when Jay Leno will be our
guest.' Capiche?"
2> "Do all prospective interns have to pose this way, Mr.
Letterman?"
and Topfive.com's Number 1
Thing Heard
Lately at Network Late-Night Talk Shows...
1> "Mr. Leno, the shark is ready -- if you'll just strap on
these water skis, we can get started."
T T T T T
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尺口匚Ｋ工れ' 丹れ刀 尺口ㄥㄥ工れ'
RΩCKIΠ' ΔΠD RΩLLIΠ'
e8c69d39ba5c742337872011bd5a92c6fb4bd1a8
fUNICODE: The Ultimate Text Transmogrifier
There are more 'transmogrifiers' at the site! Kinda neat!
T T T T T
Men who can answer "yes" to
five or more of these questions should
consider carefully before proposing marriage.
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square
thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattoed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma's House
of Painful Delights?
T T T T T
Since I've been depressed I've completely lost the urge to
masturbate. I guess I just haven't been feeling myself lately.
T T T T T
docjrx
Beautiful!
Freedom's Lighthouse: Jack Cafferty Calls Nancy Pelosi a "Horrible Woman" - Video 1/12/10
Here is video of CNN's Jack Cafferty
calling Nancy Pelosi a "horrible woman."
Cafferty said while "this nation is hurting" Nancy Pelosi is
using "three military jets for a December trip to Copenhagen, and then
refuses to answer any questions about it." Cafferty then added "what
a horrible woman she is" and Wolf Blitzer asked "Jack are you gonna
tell us how you really feel about Nancy Pelosi?" Cafferty responded
"I just did, she's a horrible woman."
DeVulcano
Warning - you have to make a very fast
decision each time!
SO are you smart of stoopid?
YouTube - Hitler Finds Out Scott Brown Won Massachusetts Senate Seat
Self Explanatory
Have you ever had a song stuck in your head that you only remember the tune for? Or, maybe you just have the chorus on repeat and can’t remember the verses. And let's not even think about the song title! Well, now, there is relief for this. You can head on over to Midomi and sing or hum what you know and then search for the song. It's so cool
Tiny Animals On Fingers - a set on Flickr
Teeny tiny animals on fingers
Take a group of beautiful ladies and morph them into even
more beautiful ladies
YouTube - Crazy Nuts Illusion!
If you like illisions...
Yummy winter soups!
Quiltcreator | QuiltCreator.com
Choose size, colors, etc! The quilt will be made to your specifications.
I am considering one done with the pink and green summer scheme
The Fox Juggernaut: Why It's No. 1 -- Politics Daily
Those who like to bury their heads in the sand won't want to read this. This is about Fox News and its march over the nation's news media, knocking off and steam-rolling other news channels while cementing its stranglehold at the top.
Meringue Hearts Recipe With
Picture - Joyofbaking.com *Tested Recipe*
Recipes like I have never seen before! Too bad I don't cook
LOL!
Ha!
Yellow snow!
T T T T T
An embarrassed young woman was farting
uncontrollably when her
date was due to arrive. She was an accomplished pianist so to
drown the noise she offered the play the Storm Scene from the
William Tell Overture.
She had concluded the piece when she felt another fart attack on
its way and quickly asked him if he would like another tune on
the piano.
"Well if it is that storm scene again," he said, "can you leave
out the bit where the lightning strikes the shithouse?
T T T T T
Confucius say: "Man who lay woman on ground, finally get piece on Earth"
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
T T T T T
If Anthony Hopkins ever decides to open
a restaurant for cannibals,
I bet he calls the house special "Remains of the Day."
T T T T T
I admit, I am as attracted to a pretty
woman in a nice outfit
as much as the next guy, but I prefer to think that it's what's
inside her pants that is most important.
T T T T T
Q: What do you call a Roman with hair
between his teeth?
A: Gladiator.
T T T T T
BillieJo50
Mobile cell phone GPS tracking
You can see where a person is; such as your wife, husband or friend in real time anywhere in the world 24/7
Hot Squirter
Up View
Flasher
Top View
Sticky Face
Ram Me
Screw Yourself
T T T T T
Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or
implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
T T T
T T
Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
v v v v v
©1999 - 2010 - Deborah Austin - All rights
reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
v v v v v
