Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Artists: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue,
kittykab
Hey there!
It's Winter and I am loving it -- no snow *pout* but maybe there is still
a chance! If you guys who have too much snow would send it to me then I would
be thrilled. Only not too much!
See EXACTLY what happened during Sully's Hudson River 'Landing'
January 15, 2009! You'll hear the voices of Sully, etc. This link is in the Surfin'
section - it's a real heart-pounder.
So very much more for you to check out - be careful on the net!
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I
have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep
current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my
heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an
email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to
ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"CONGRATULATIONS ON A GREAT ISSUE AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK AND I FINALLY GOT MY COMPUTER FIXED IN TIME TO READ IT"
MMojoy
T T T T T
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
T T T T T
A man was driving down the road and ran out
of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas," the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man
watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After
a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!"
the man exclaimed, "what did you put in my gas tank"? The bee
answered,
"BP."
T T T T T
The Hebrew teacher says to her class,
"We have recently
been learning how powerful kings and queens were in
Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody
tell me what it is?"
"Aces," says Sarah.
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
T T T T T
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his
sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of
Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?"
Adam replied, "Boys,
that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."
T T T T T
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant,
"you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange
man."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol
and shot
your wife, killing her."
"That's correct," says the
defendant. "Then my question to you is,
why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a
different
man every day!"
T T T T T
Reasons to Adopt an Older Cat - Several Reasons why Older Cats Make Good Pets
Reasons to please adopt an older cat
Baby, It's Cold Outside: Should You Dress Your Dog for the Snow? - Paw Nation
With temperatures dropping, staying inside is looking like a mighty good option. But it's hard to hole up in the house when you have a pooch that needs to go for a walk three times a day.
*My dogs wear sweaters because they are indoor dogs, small with not a lot of fat to keep
them warm - plus one of my Chihuahuas coat is very sparse - he would get way too cold.
Most Popular Pet Names of 2009 - Paw Nation
Kiss Fido and Spot goodbye, and say hello to Buddy, Lucy and Shyanne Thailand Moo Goo Guy Pan! Petfinder dug its paws into its adoptable pet database and unleashed the most common pet names for dogs and cats of 2009, and their favorite unusual pet names of the year.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Beggin_Strips_Class_Action_Lawsuit
You won't believe the disgusting things they are putting in a LOT of pet treats!
PLEASE read!
http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/newpetfoodrecalls/
Updated list of pet food recalls
T T T T T
Did you ever wonder what the difference between a prostitute, a
girlfriend, and a wife are?
The prostitute says "That'll be $100."
The girlfriend says "Oh, baby! I love you, I love you, I love you!"
The wife says "Beige. Yeah. Beige. I'll paint the ceiling beige."
T T T T T
A man goes to his psychiatrist complaining about marriage problems.
The shrink asks him, "Do you talk to your wife during sex?"
"Sure," says the guy, "I've got a cell phone!"
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
T T T T T
Two old ladies lived way out in the country, only going into town
on Sundays for church. One Sunday, there was a strange pastor, a
very handsome man, in the pulpit, preaching away quite merrily. One
of the ladies, quite deaf, had to turn her hearing aid up fully.
As the old ladies were returning home, the pros and cons of the
new pastor was their main subject of conversation.
"I thought he was lovely," said one.
"He was, rather, wasn't he?" said the other.
"He was very loud, wasn't he?"
"Eh?" said the other, "what cloud?"
"I said, he was very loud."
"Eh?"
"I said, he was very loud," shouted the other. "Bawls like a
bull."
"Has he?" said the first. "I never noticed. The pulpit was in
the way."
T T T T T
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
T T T T T
A Quicker Scroll
Sure, Worldstart has tips to assist you in scrolling, but have you
ever accidentally pushed down on your mouse's scroll wheel like a button? What
happened?
Did you see something like this?
Congratulations, you have stumbled onto yet another way to scroll up and down
on a web page! Just click your scroll wheel in your favorite web browser and
drag your mouse up and down. You'll be able to navigate in a more gestural
manner instead of rolling your mouse wheel around! It doesn't work everywhere,
but most web browsers support this feature, so give it a try today!
T T T T T
This wife buys a pair of crotchless panties
in an attempt to spice
up a dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt
and sits on the chesterfield. At strategic moments she crosses
and uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says,
"Are you wearing crotchless panties?"
"Yes," she answers.
"Thank God for that. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the
Chesterfield."
T T T T T
Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear
all kinds of creative
excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the
officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked.
A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because
had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right
there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The
bee was not only dead, but in a advanced state of decomposition.
An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver
whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded,
"I went by them so fast I probably missed them."
A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue
doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the
carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added,
"If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all."
"I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late
they're
going to enforce the bench warrant."
When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the
Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer,
where have you been? It's 65 now."
One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't
ask."
An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he
was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior
citizen's discount?"
T T T T T
T T T T T
A college student picked up his date at her
parents
home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take
her to a fancy restaurant. Once at the fancy place, to
his dismay she ordered almost every most expensive item
on the menu. She ordered appetizers (everything from
Calamari to Escargot), lobster, prime rib, champagne...
the works! Finally he asked her, "Does your mother feed you
like this at home?"
"No," she answered, "but
my mother
isn't expecting me to suck her cock."
T T T T T
Feeling horrible, an alligator goes to the
veterinarian.
"What seems to be the problem?" the vet asks.
"I just don't have the drive I used to, Doc, " the gator says.
"Used
to be, I could swim underwater for miles and catch any animal
I wanted. Now all I can do is let them swim by."
Concerned, the vet gives him a through examination and hands him
a few pills. "What are these?" the gator asks.
"It's a pill very similar to Viagra," the vet answers.
"Hold on, I don't have that kind of problem." The alligator
protests. "What exactly is wrong with me?" "Well." The vet
says,
"you have a reptile dysfunction."
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
T T T T T
The Top 15 Signs You
Suck at Gift-Giving
(Part I)
copyright chris white topfive.com
13> Hey, it's not *your* fault 7-Eleven ran out of gift
certificates at 11:50 pm on Christmas Eve.
12> While practical and compact, the combination toilet-brush/
plunger you gave Mom somehow failed to reproduce the level
of delight shown by the women in the TV commercials.
11> You totally forgot to ask the clerk at the Goodwill store
what the traditional gift is for a 30th anniversary.
10> The good news: You went to Jared!
The bad news: Your wife's not crazy about Subway's food.
9> You gave condoms to everyone on your list. In your defense,
the woman at the mall gift-advice kiosk told you to play it
safe with one-size-fits-all gifts.
8> When the gift wrap is tossed in the fireplace, your presents
go in unopened.
7> "And since 'diamonds are forever,' technically, I don't have
to give her anything ever again, right?"
6> "As seen on TV. Cable access TV, to be precise."
5> You *did* have it engraved. And you had to cough up a ten-spot
to get the guy at the deli counter to do it.
4> A few snips here, a few stitches there, and voila! The
SnuggieTeddy -- the teddy with *sleeves*!
3> Let's just say your wife's mom and sisters weren't exactly
thrilled with their ear and nose hair trimmers.
2> Your grandmother had a coronary watching the "Oral Robert"
DVD you got her.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You Suck at Gift-Giving...
1> Even though you paid a ton to get it framed, matted, and
autographed a few months ago, that Gatorade/Tiger Woods
"Is It In You?" promotional poster never should have
left
your garage.
T T T T T
In case you missed an issue or so - you can view a few year's worth
at this link:
T T T T T
There was a nervous patient whose
imagination afflicted him with
all kinds of ills which never seemed to materialize. One afternoon
he staggered into the house. He was bent forward, and tottering to
a chair, and still curled into a half-moon shape, dropped into it.
"Honey," he gasped, "it's come at last. There was no warning.
All
of a sudden he found he couldn't straighten up. and couldn't lift
his head."
When the doctor had arrived and looked over the patient, the wife
inquired, Is there any hope?"
"Well," the doctor said, "it will help a good deal if he can
unhitch the third buttonhole of his vest from the top button of
his trousers."
T T T T T
BADVETTE87
T T T T T
NORMANTANTE
Dear Mom and Dad,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you
saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping
bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on
the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write
because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It
was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the
lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling
anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably
didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire,
the petrol will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our
clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It
wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left.
Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect
something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot,
sometimes he lets us ride on the roof. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a
bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman
stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy.. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact,
he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any
cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the
rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was
afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have
any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see
some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get
mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so
we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived
into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steven and I
threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it probably was just food poisoning
from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate
in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure
figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.. By the
way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our
letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything.
We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
T T T T T
Swimming
tip: Many people drown in only a few feet of water. So if
you don't want to be thought of as a doofus at your own funeral,
try to panic towards deeper water. That way your friends can hold
their heads up in public.
T T T T T
"Waiter,
there's a fly in the bottom of my soup bowl! What does this
mean?" "Listen, Bud, if you want your fortune told, go see a gypsy.
T T T T T
Stare the Blue Screen of Death in the face and laugh - Reviews, News, and How To Geeks
There are few things worse then plugging away
at your computer only to have your application freeze up and your screen
suddenly turn blue. This happens to almost every computer user, and if you've
seen it, you've automatically been admitted to the Blue Screen Of Death club.
The Blue Screen Of Death, which is commonly referred to as the BSOD, is the
most obvious and unnerving way your computer can tell you something has gone
very wrong. The technical term for the BSOD is the "stop screen"
because the error you've encountered is significant enough to cause every
process on your computer to stop.
T T T T T
A man goes to a masquerade party wearing only
a glass jar on
his penis. A woman asks, "What are you?"
The man says, "I'm a fireman!"
"But you're only wearing a glass jar!" says the woman.
"Exactly, in case of emergency, break
glass, pull knob and
I'll come as fast as I can!"
T T T T T
After picking her up from the Sunday School
classroom, a mom asked
her young daughter what the lesson had been about. The daughter
answered, "Don't be scared; you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later
that day, the pastor stopped by for
tea and the mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson
had 'really' been about.
He said, "Be not afraid; thy comforter is coming."
T T T
T T
The Daily Mail reports that Tiger Woods has entered rehab for sex
addiction and that one of his handlers has reportedly said "Tiger
wants to get back on top." Get back on top? Isn't that what got
him in trouble in the first place?
T T T T T
We were four frugal young teachers. But a couple times a year,
we treated ourselves to the best Manhattan had to offer. As we
approached the famous restaurant, Lutece, we questioned whether
we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban sophisticates?
The maitre d' met us at the door, all smiles and bows. When he
took my raincoat, I began to look over the cozy little bar and
anticipate the charming basket of pastry that was our appetizer.
Then the maitre d' returned to our group, gingerly holding
a fabric softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve.
"Madam," he said, "Your Bounce."
T T T T T
Sharp Objects
by Gillian Flynn
Since she left town eight years ago, Camille has hardly spoken to her neurotic, hypochondriac mother or to the half-sister she barely knows: a beautiful thirteen-year-old with an eerie grip on the town. Now, installed again in her family’s Victorian mansion, Camille is haunted by the childhood tragedy she has spent her whole life trying to cut from her memory.
WOW this book was terrific as was Gillian Flynn's first book, Dark Places.
I recommend both of them and I hope she is writing another one now!
Shop - Books - MarthaStewart.com
Create your own library of ideas for cooking, entertaining, etc.
T T T T T
David was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with
his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at
his neglect, and today of all days, because it was their 25th
wedding anniversary.
"One minute, David. David!! Put down that paper and let's talk
about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today.
What do you suggest?"
David put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses,
stared for a moment into the distance, then said, "How about two
minutes of silence?"
T T T T T
BADVETTE87
An Irishman goes into the confessional box
after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully
equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling
array of the finest cigars and chocolates..
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a
very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first
admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
T T T T T
Did Americans Get Any Healthier Over the Past Decade? | ThirdAge Articles
About 10 years ago the government set some lofty health goals for the nation to reach by 2010.
So how did we do.....?
Why Some Older People Keep Wits About Them | ThirdAge Articles
Researchers in the U.S., led by an Irish neuroscientist, have shown why some older people remain highly capable in later life, knowledge that might help others to up their mental game.
First Case of Highly Drug-Resistant Tuberculosis in US - Sphere News
It started with a cough, an autumn hack that
refused to go away.
Then came the fevers. They bathed and chilled the skinny frame of Oswaldo
Juarez, a 19-year-old Peruvian visiting to study English. His lungs clattered,
his chest tightened and he ached with every gasp. During a wheezing fit at 4
a.m., Juarez felt a warm knot rise from his throat. He ran to the bathroom sink
and spewed a mouthful of blood.
Surprising causes of depression
Suicide Recognizing The Threat: Depression - AOL Health
Recognizing the threat of suicide
How much calcium is really needed to stave off osteoporosis? Learn how milk can help and other ways to fight brittle bones. I take Vitamin D3 every single day
10 crucial questions to ask your doctor
Health Corner: Smoking Cessation - iVillage Your Total Health
Smoking is bad for everyone’s lungs and hearts, but for women, it adds special hazards. “Women are more at risk from the serious health effects of smoking than men,” says Sharon S. Allen, M.D., Ph.D., professor of family medicine at the University of Minnesota. “Smoking can affect the female reproductive system, causing irregular periods, infertility issues—even with in vitro fertilization—miscarriage, low birth-weight babies, early menopause and more severe menopause symptoms than in women who don’t smoke.”
Two Risky Chemicals in Most of Us | ThirdAge Articles
Two Risky Chemicals in Most of Us
Chemicals used to make plastic bottles and Teflon are so widespread that government
health officials found them in most Americans it tested.
Identifying Complicated Grieving - For Dummies
Complicated grieving is the technical name that grief professionals give to a grieving process that gets stuck at some point, making it impossible for the bereaved to successfully start or conclude the grieving process
Dealing with Anticipatory Grief and Caregiving - For Dummies
Anticipatory grief is the name given to the angst and sorrow that accompanies the knowledge that your loved one almost certainly is going to die from whatever disease or debilitating condition he's suffering. The watchword of anticipatory grief is angst: You fear the loss that you know is coming more than you actually grieve it.
Medications May Lurk in That Drink of Water | ThirdAge Articles
You might not take birth-control pills, antibiotics or any over-the-counter drugs, but you could get low doses of those medications every time you sip water. These medicines get into the water supply when people flush old pills down the toilet or through the urine of people who take these medicines.
This irritates the hell out of me -- what about the people we're paying to make sure our water
is clean? UGH
'Miracle Molecule' Hope for Prostate Cancer Sufferers | ThirdAge Articles
A miracle molecule has been discovered that offers the hope of saving men with currently incurable prostate cancer. The "monoclonal" antibody selectively targets both early-stage and advanced tumors.
Now this sounds like good news!
T T T T T
BillieJo50
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology
and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned
to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't
tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis.
T T T T T
The Top 15 Signs You Suck at Gift-Giving
(Part II)
copyright chris white topfive.com
13> Let's just say the gift you had delivered to your wife was
a special something from "STD Florists."
12> It's as plain as the nose on her face that she needs
rhinoplasty, and you *know* it's not covered by insurance.
11> When Aunt Eloise learned that you drew her name in the
family's Secret Santa exchange, she put her head in the
oven and turned on the gas.
10> You probably don't actually need to wrap a kitten.
9> Your wife was in the driveway, about to have her blindfold
removed, and the enormous red bow was tied around the car.
But the REAL surprise was the 17 dead clowns inside because
the doors were tied shut overnight in sub-zero temperatures.
8> How could you have possible foreseen the reaction your "dick
in a box" gag would provoke from your girlfriend, Lorena?
7> Your family's annual reunion is held in the returns line at Walmart.
6> By selflessly cheating with a dozen or so skanks, you've given
your wife parental custody, freedom and a half billion
dollars of fun money. Congratulations, Tiger Claus!
5> You're not sure Rabbi Rabinowitz appreciates the Pepperidge
Farms Bacon-of-the-Month Club delivery.
4> Amazon.com sends you its latest recommendation: That you never
tell anyone about your last order.
3> "'Every kiss begins with...' G? T? Dammit, what WAS that
letter?"
2> You're fantasizing about how much better your sex life will
be a few months from now, when you start to see the results
of the gift membership to Weight Watchers you're getting her.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You Suck at Gift-Giving...
1> Let's see, Miss Do-It-Yourself: Eggnog made from fresh eggs? OK.
Fruitcake made from fresh fruit? OK.
Winnie the Pooh doll made from fresh...uh-oh.
T T T T T
Virg297
T T T T T
A man was walking in the street when he
heard a voice:
"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick
will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of
him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after
awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the
voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just
as a car came
careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I
got married?"
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
T T T T T
A woman, who had been married and divorced
twice, went
on a hunting trip to South Africa. In the course of the
journey into the wilds, her safari group came across
some cannibals.
The balance of the crew told her, "You're ok, but we
must leave -- immediately!"
She inquired as to why she was ok, if the rest of them
had to run for their lives. The leader of the safari
responded, "Cannibals learned years ago not to eat
divorced women. They are always bitter!"
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
T T T T T
A newspaper editor received this note
from a reader:
"My wife was about to file for a divorce when she read the article
in your paper about the importance of giving second chances
in making a marriage work. So she changed her mind about the
divorce. Effective today, cancel my subscription to your paper."
T T T T T
BADVETTE87
A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER:
$2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH :
$3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I
help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he
whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir, I sure
am"
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,
wash your hands real fucking good, cause I want a cheeseburger."
T T T T T
T T T T T
Although a bright and able man, my
husband is almost completely
helpless when faced with even the simplest domestic chore.
One day, in exasperation, I pointed out to him that our
friend, Betty had taught her husband Frank, to cook,
sew and do laundry, and that if anything ever happened
to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself.
Then I said, "What would you do if anything happened to me?"
After considering that possibility for a moment, my
husband said happily,
"I'd move in with Frank!"
T T T T T
LOOSE LIPS: "Mama, don't let your babies
grow up to be Kanye. Let
em pick guitars and drive 'em ol' trucks/Cowboys have manners,
they don't interrupt." – CMA Awards co-hosts Carrie Underwood
and Brad Paisley, taking a show-opening dig at Kanye West for his
infamous interruption of Taylor Swift at the VMAs
T T T T T
LURALLEN
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the
"Clitaurus"
It comes in pink, and the average male thief won't be able to
find it,
even if someone tells him where it is.
T T T T T
Cuba Gooding, Jr may star in a movie about Tiger Woods. Only
this time his signature line will be "Show me the honey."
T T T T T
"The annual list of the most admired men in the world came out today. Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods are tied. I wonder what those two would have in common." Jay Leno
T T T T T
T T T T T
I bet my mom wouldn't have written me out of her will for being an
unemployed loser if she had known how good I'd eventually become
at Minesweeper.
T T T T T
Henry started by saying, "I think my
wife's fooling around on
me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under
our bed. I think she's cheatin' on me with a carpenter!"
Tom answered, "Yeah, I think my wife isn't faithful either. The
other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under
my bed. I think she's cheatin' on me with a plumber!"
Otis then joins in and says, "Well, if you think that's bad, I've
got one for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my
bed. I think my Leena is cheatin' on me with a horse!"
T T T T T
HOOSIER-HUNK
Politicians - By the time they're through, this will be
all it's good for
T T T T T
During the second Gulf War, I was an
Air Force colonel.
I routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize myself with
their capabilities. One day I was aboard an intelligence aircraft
where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear.
A young major showed me his computer screen. "That's a chat screen,
Sir," the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to
the crew. It's like instant messaging."
Nodding, I moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen
several feet away was this warning: "Heads up! The colonel's on
the way!"
T T T T T
Don goes into business for himself. He
buys a hotdog cart and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner,
right near a large bank.
One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he can lend him some
money.
Don refuses.
"But why?" asks Jim. "Everyone knows you're doing well and I'm
not asking for much."
"Well, Jim, in order to get this spot, I had to sign a Non-competition
Agreement with that bank over there. According to the terms of the agreement,
they don't sell hot dogs and I don't lend money."
T T T T T
docjrx
** YouTube - Flight 1549 3D Reconstruction, Hudson River Ditching Jan 15, 2009#t=109 **
You MUST see this! A recreation of exactly what happened and
Sully's real voice
http://downloads.cbn.com/cbnnewsplayer/cbnPlayer.swf?aid=11991
This is so insane, I have NO COMMENT
Virg297
So sad - so true
HOOSIER-HUNK
This was featured on CNN - a young girl who says she has seen
Heaven and God and her paintings are of what she sees. Amazing
Computer Equipment Recycling with Reconnect
Reconnect is a residential computer recycling program that offers you an easy, convenient and responsible way to recycle your used computer equipment. You can drop off any brand of used equipment at participating Goodwill donation centers in your area. It's free, and you'll get a receipt for tax purposes. What's more, you'll be helping protect the environment and benefiting your community at the same time.
I love this --- it never fails to make me laugh!!
Only suckers pay retail. If you’ve read any reviews of Windows 7, you’ve seen references to its price list, which ranges from $120 for a Home Premium upgrade to $320 for a fully licensed copy of Windows 7 Ultimate. Well, guess what? You don’t have to pay that much. Most people have much better options available, if you know where to look. As I’ve detailed here, the best deals go to PC manufacturers, which you benefit from if you buy a new PC.
Does this scenario sound familiar? We were walking in the woods on New Year’s day, my sister happily snapping photos of the kids when all of the sudden she says “Uh oh, uh oh!” While trying to delete one unappealing photo, she’d accidentally chosen “Delete All.” Unfortunately for her, Delete All meant all the photos from New Year’s Eve as well as Christmas with the Chens, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and, worst of all, the photos from a recent trip to the British Virgin Islands to celebrate our dad’s 70th birthday. Uh oh, indeed.
YouTube - Walter and Jeff Dunham # 1
More fun and laughs
Emurse.com: Resume Builder | Maker | Creator
Create, share and store your resume online for free. Creating a quality resume is a difficult task. Emurse allows you to focus on what's most important — writing quality content and selling yourself. Next ›
starangel513
http://www.bassfiles.net/parachute.swf
Wild Word Garden Online Game > Free! | GameHouse
This was kinda fun --- pretty easy
The Serpent of Isis ™ Game Download for PC | Big Fish Games
In the early 1900`s the legendary artwork, the Serpent of Isis, was stolen at the grand opening of the Egypt Museum in Cairo. Originally discovered by your grandfather, you have been searching for the missing masterpiece your entire adult life. One day, a mysterious letter arrives indicating that the person who possesses the artwork can be found on board the Mont Palu Express. Catch the train and solve the ancient mystery! Hidden object game
Princess Isabella: A Witch's Curse Game Download for PC | Big Fish Games
Another popular hidden object game
Lost in the City ™ Game Download for PC | Big Fish Games
After the first date with a charming girl named April, our hero wakes up alone in an unknown abandoned city after being drugged. He is trapped and believes this somehow involves April. Explore the city while trying to investigate how April is involved. Help the hero survive in an atmosphere of drama and suspense. Are you Lost in the City?
T T T T T
They say it is better to be poor and happy
than rich and miserable.
But couldn't something be worked out,
such as being moderately rich and just moody?
T T T T T
One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at
work much the worse for wear.
"I didn't sleep a wink," he told a coworker. "I was
up all night trying to keep my wife's begonia covered
against the freezing cold."
"I should be so lucky," his coworker replied. "When
it's this cold my wife wears so damn many clothes to bed,
I can never get anywhere near her begonia."
T T T T T
New Year - New Garden
A new year, a new decade, a new garden. One of the best things about gardening is you can have the satisfaction of watching watching your garden mature and fill in and the thrill of starting fresh every year. What works stays, the slackers go and gardens expand, contract and change completely. There's always something to look forward to and there's always something to do. So here is your Regional Gardening Almanac for this January, lest you thought this was the off season.
Getting More From Your Vegetable Garden - Tips for Growing More Vegetables in Your Vegetable Garden Vegetable gardens are rarely planted all at once. To get the most from the limited space of a home vegetable garden, there are several methods of extending your vegetable harvest throughout the vegetable growing season. Extending the vegetable harvest is easy enough to do, but it takes a little pre-planning as your getting your vegetable garden started.
Privacy Fences - Shrub Hedges as Privacy Fence
Garden design books talk a lot about the "borrowed view". But what do you do when the view is less than idyllic? If you're a gardener, you put up a living wall - a privacy hedge. Landscaping Guide, David Beaulieu, helps sort out the questions you should ask yourself before you start digging, like the best types of shrubs, speed of growth, cost and how much work you're getting yourself in for, in Privacy Hedges Make Good Neighbors...
T T T T T
A woman was in court charged with the attempted murder of
her husband.
"But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked
the judge.
"Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "It wasn't my fault.
I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife!"
T T T T T
BADVETTE87
MY DOG
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for
him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His
meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the
Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any
medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and
nothing is required of him. he lives in a nice
neighborhood in a house that is much larger than He
needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has
his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives
these accommodations absolutely free. He is living
like a king, and has absolutely no expenses
whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others
who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a
brick
in the head, HOLY SHIT, my dog is a democrat!!
T T T T T
T T T
T T
Cherry float: A virgin on a water bed
T T T T T
CONFUSCIOUS SAY:
To meet girl in park is good.
But to park meat in girl is better.
T T T T T
With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of
control, mud slides, flooding, severe
thunderstorms tearing up the country from one
end to another, and with the threat of swine
flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this
is a good time to take God out of
the Pledge of Allegiance?'
Jay Lenno
T T T T T
A woman went to see her psychiatrist.
"I'm really
concerned," she said. "The other day I found my daughter
and the boy next door together, naked, examining each
other's bodies and giggling."
The psychiatrist smiled.
"That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty normal."
"Well, I don't know," said the woman, "It worries me.
It worries my daughter's husband, too!"
T T T T T
oldwild
T T T T T
Paddy was in New York. He was patiently
waiting and
watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay,
pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on
the sidewalk.After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!'
for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is
it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
T T T T T
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian.
One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated
voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"
"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet," the wife
asked?
"Both," the caller replied.
"We can't get our dog's
mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
T T T T T
I CAN'T RESIST!!
T T T T T
I get so tired of society telling me
what to do. "Don't walk." "Curb your dog."
"No shoes, no shirt, no service." "Put the gun
down and let's talk." Some days it never ends.
T T T T T
"Sure you heard these rumors that NBC is talking about canceling our show. You know what that means? I didn't sleep with any of my staff for nothing." -Jay Leno
T T T T T
"The underwear bomber pleaded not guilty in court today. He had a bomb in his underpants, okay! 'I didn't know there was a bomb in my underpants.' 'I was framed by the Fruit of the Loom.'" -Jay Leno
T T T T T
"President Obama also said, 'We are at war against al-Qaida, and we will do whatever it takes to defeat them.' Then Obama was like, 'Literally whatever it takes -- speeches, talks, speech talks, talks about speeches, speaking about the talk I just spoke about.'" --Jimmy Fallon
T T T T T
Ever had a taser used on your balls?
Virg297
http://www.gjk2.com/test/test.swf
Good luck guys!
For the gals -- scroll down
For all of these you have to scroll down to see the pic/toon
Yes, scroll down for the toon
Scoll down for a funny video
Scroll down please
T T T T T
Rockin' and Rollin'
makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
T T T T T
Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
v v v v v
©1999 - 2010 - Deborah Austin - All rights
reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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