Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic
Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue,
Kittykab
So - Have you started shopping for the holiday season? It is
sooo easy to shop online - no lines! Don't forget to add me to your list -
I'm partial to books, jewelry, dogs, computers LOL
Be careful when surfing the Internet.
I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in
working
order as of this posting. (oh except not the XXX ones)
Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with
your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my
heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an
email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and
your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to
ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"thank you for those cartoons. I love those, and that cranky old woman reminds me of one of my neighbors!
looking forward to your next r & r. the last one was a triumph as always,
only I don't like to write to you and say so after each and every one,
in case you think I’m some sort of obsessive sycophant??!!
you are the best. hugs. andy"
afk.ark
"Thanks Deb. I really miss the newsletter, it was the highlight of my week. Hope you're doing well"
tomjan357
.
The Top
14 Signs Autumn Has Arrived
14> Media begins massing troops for the War on Christmas.
13> Men start referring to boobs as "sweater pumpkins."
12> Dad moves from passing out in a drunken stupor on the chaise
lounge on the deck to passing out in a drunken stupor on the
Barcalounger in the family room.
11> The co-eds sexting your son's phone seem a little, well,
"perkier."
10> Romance wanes as wives everywhere notice it's not only the
days that are getting shorter.
9> Another half-dozen can't-miss sitcoms just missed.
8> Your husband's online interests change from websites that
sell slutty bathing suits to websites that sell slutty
Halloween costumes.
7> Guests on Jerry Springer are wearing fuzzy woolen tube tops.
6> Sarah Palin is already down to a short list of
turkey-slaughter photo ops.
5> The cool snap in the air has rendered Michael Jackson's corpse
suitable for use as a Halloween decoration.
4> Masturbators stop "waxing the surfboard" and begin "waxing
the snowboard."
3> Quaint streets across the country come alive with the vivid
colors of election signs.
2> Between baseball players, rappers and squirrels, there's an
awful lot of nut-grabbing taking place.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Autumn Has Arrived...
1> Brett Favre changes colors.
copyright Chris White topfive.com
.
DeVulcano
2. ~*~ Beary Beautiful Day! ~*~ Flash
Pretty site to share
3. ~*~ Good Morning My Friend ~*~
.
Say
what you will about Eminem, but you have to admire a kid who
rhymes "adjective" with "laxative."
.
Of all
the things that should not be added to chili, my
experiments tell me that peanut butter and jelly tops the list.
.
It is not
how deep you plant the seed.
It is how long you can stay in the field.
.
Chocolate and Diabetes | Lifescript.com
Craving chocolate, but not sure if you should indulge? The American Diabetes Association (ADA) says it’s
OK to give into temptation every once in a while even if you are diabetic.
Consider these healthier ways to satisfy your taste for this treat without sabotaging your blood sugar control.
DeVulcano
RECALL
Parents and caregivers who have questions or concerns should contact their child's health care provider or
our consumer call center at 1-800-962-5357 (available Monday-Friday 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Time).
Consumers can find the lot numbers on the bottom of the box containing the liquid product
and also on the sticker that surrounds the product bottle. The lot numbers of the affected products are listed
Getting 'Cold Feet' When You Have Diabetes | Lifescript.com
Does constantly having cold feet mean poor circulation? Maybe, but it's not the most reliable sign,
says the American Diabetes Association (ADA). A health care provider will
need to evaluate your feet before you can properly diagnose poor circulation.
pavanco1
LEARN CPR - CPR information and training resources.
Learn CPR is a free public service supported by the University of Washington School of Medicine.
Learn the basics of CPR - cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Updated with new CPR Guidelines
issued by the American Heart Association and published in Circulation, March 31, 2008.
.
My wife is the wind beneath my wings.
I'm the wind beneath her blankets.
.
Doug: I
think my marriage is in trouble.
Bill: Why do you say that?
Doug: Today I overheard my wife telling a friend she prefers fishing
to sex. "It's not as boring," she said.
.
.
I
just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate
some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to Fuck off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't
starving!!.
.
BADVETTE87
A farmer was munching on a cookie as he watches the rooster chase a hen around. Playfully,
the farmer threw a piece of cookie to the ground. Seeing it, the rooster stopped chasing the hen and ran to the piece of cookie.
The farmer shook his head slowly and said, “Gosh, I hope I never get that hungry.”
.
HOOSIER-HUNK
My wife likes to spoon right after I pork her. We call it sporking.
.
OVILAFB
.
Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp is a five-day experience
that allows amateur musicians to share the
stage
with folks such as Roger Daltrey, Slash, Vince Neil,
Paul Stanley, Joe Walsh and others. For about $10,000.
The Top 16 Things Overheard at Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp
16> "Man, this guitar is a lot heavier than my tennis racket."
15> "I understand you paid for Michael, but the best we can do is
Tito."
14> "I know it's called 'Camp,' but for 10 grand I didn't expect
I'd be sharing a tent with Sir Elton."
13> "For the last time: Once you've set your guitar on fire,
you do NOT roast marshmallows over it!"
12> "You'd save it in a jar too, mate, if you knew the street value of
this vomit."
11> "Go to the end of the alley, knock on the door, then tell
the older woman who answers that you're there for Fantasy
Groupie Night."
10> "But the brochure said I was *guaranteed* to get herpes."
9> "Hey, could somebody help Mr. Townsend lift that guitar so
he can smash it on the stage?"
8> "I heard that on the last day Yoko comes in and breaks up the
camp."
7> "So it's settled. We'll hit 'Boozing and Whoring' after
'Trashing the Hotel' and before 'Infighting and
Litigation.'"
6> "Is that Amy Winehouse?" "Yeah, but she's just here to
score drugs."
5> "Could somebody help out this homeless guy with a sandwich
or something? Wait, never mind -- it's just Bob
Dylan."
4> "Not now, Ringo. Finish making the beds, then report to the
kitchen."
3> "I heard that if you present your Certificate of Completion,
Heather Locklear will sleep with you."
2> "Johnny Rotten just kicked me in the nuts and spit on me.
This is so cool!"
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Thing
Overheard at Rock N' Roll Fantasy
Camp...
1> "Hey, why don't we all just take this small prop plane to
get to the gig?"
.
.
Virg297
Health
Care Tip of the Day
If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look
in the mirror
kland
repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:
My present and future financial and personal well being are totally in the
hands of...
Barack Obama
Joe Biden
Harry Reid
Nancy Pelosi
Tim Geithner
Rahm Emmanuel
Chris Dodd
and Barney Frank!
If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably destined
to be backed up for the rest of
your life
There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as a public
service.
.
The groom
stood naked in front of the mirror admiring his physique.
"Two inches more and I'd be a king."
"Yes," said the bride, "and two inches less and you'd be a
queen."
.
BADVETTE87
.
HOOSIER-HUNK
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if
I liked breasts or legs. I told her what I really liked was a shaved
snatch.
Apparently, I'm no longer welcome at KFC.
.
HEIGHTS!!!
Height of Confusion: Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.
Height of Pain: A monkey sliding down a knife's edge using balls as his brakes.
Height of Honesty: A pregnant woman asking the bus conductor for one and a
half ticket.
Height of Foolishness: A guy peeping thru' the keyhole of a glass door.
Height of Revenge: A bastard puncturing all the condoms in a contraceptive
factory.
Height of Noise: Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof.
Height of Itch: A fat man hanging (upside down) from a roof trying to scratch
his balls.
Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearsil to her nipples thinking
them as pimples.
Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in prostitute's cunt.
Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquaketo do
the rest.
Height of Competition: A guy peeing against Niagara Falls.
Height of Bravery: A naked man bending over to pick up a quarter on an island
of gays.
Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgustion: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes
through the paper.
Height of Technology: Condom with zip
.
GuysBabi
Wag Reflex: One Heck of a Dog Trainer
You have GOT to see this! Watch the entire video!
I love this! Tackle his sorry ass -- a lot!
Your morning adorable: Talented beagle plays the piano | L.A. Unleashed | Los Angeles Times
He's wanting a treat LOL - cute
Lifestyle News, Fashion Trends, Interior Design and More - USATODAY.com - USATODAY.com
It takes a special kind of guy to embrace the ruined bodies and wrecked psyches of urban street dogs —
silent scavengers that live a horrid half-life of fear, pain and deprivation. In 15 years, he has rescued,
rehabilitated and re-homed 10,000 of St. Louis' dumped or feral dogs,
most of which have endured unspeakable cruelties
He's my hero!
Tons of wonderful pictures to make you smile - and even laugh!! Keep
scrolling - great site to bookmark
Pia – The Daily Wag – Pets – MarthaStewart.com
Dr Pia Salk often credits the animals as being "the real therapists."
Euphoria in the garden – The Daily Wag – Pets – MarthaStewart.com
Some people find that drinking catnip tea is very soothing. But, for some cats, this plant causes a very different effect,
sending them into states of euphoria. After sniffing and chewing leaves, or toys made with catnip,
cats may roll around, stretch, shake their heads, stare, and salivate. Some cats will even run and leap through the air.
Apparently, there is an active chemical called nepetalactone, located in the
plant’s
leaves that causes this feline rapture. Silly cats – go figure!!!
.
"A cruise ship is going to retrace the path of the Titanic
and will feature the original food and activities Titanic
passengers took part in. The activities include sinking and
drowning." -Conan O'Brien
.
"Here's
how the rest of the world is different from us. The
police in Australia want to reduce alcohol-related crime at
race tracks so they are limiting each spectator to just 24
cans of beer a day. Only 24 a day! I guess kids can still
drink 12 cans. That's OK. Newborn babies are limited to six
cans." -Jay Leno
.
BADVETTE87
Draw a pig and then you'll get a review of how you drew it - not a joke
10 Misspelled Tattoos - Oddee.com
Oh noooo!
YouTube - Proof Women are born this way!
TRULY one of the cutest videos I have ever seen!
was like everyone else when Obama was elected - optimistic. Everything we had been saying about racial integration
was vindicated, but he's incompetent. He will be defeated for re-election. It's a pity because he's the first
intellectual president we've had in many years, but he can't hack it. He's not up to it. He's overwhelmed.
And who wouldn't be? The United States is a madhouse.
The country should be put away - and we're being told to go away. Nothing makes any sense
DMAchoice is a mail preference service offered by the Direct Marketing Association.
DMAchoice™ is an online tool developed by the Direct Marketing Association to help you manage your mail.
ron_stott
From sketch to photo instantly (this is insanely awesome)
This is way cool
pavanco1
A complimentary Benihana Birthday Dinner certificate, maximum value of $30 (excludes alcoholic beverages,
gratuity and tax) will be emailed to you for use during the month of your birthday
YouTube - Greatest Line Ever Against Democrats
Bob Hope! hahahaha
Virg297
MilkandCookies - Johnny Carson: Dom DeLuise Egg Trick
The real Tonight Show - the good ole' days!
Johnny Carson and Dom DeLuise
Marriage
is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a
while... it isn't so hot.
.
A
bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Unless you're talking about porn, in which
case the second option is worth a cool $1,000.
.
If cameras could talk, mine would say,
"Dang, how many pictures of her cooter
does that Internet boyfriend need?!?"
.
BADVETTE87
OLDIE but CUTIE
Thoughts from across the pond - an email from Ireland to the brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the
United States this year. On one side, you have a pants wearing woman lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on,
who just lost a long and heated primary that they still haven't paid for yet, against a lawyer who states he is
'black' when it is documented that he is only 12% 'black', who goes to the wrong church, who has stated that he
wants his countrymen to learn to speak Spanish rather than English, who refuses to put his hand over his
heart and say the pledge of allegiance or wear the flag of the country he wants to run, who can't remember
if there are 50 or 57 states in his own country, who is married to yet another lawyer
who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.'
Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc',
married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.
What in Lord's name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies??
.
.
Q. What are the advantages of
having an affair with a
married woman?
A. They give like hell. They
don't yell. They don't
tell. They don't swell and there are no wedding bells!
.
Eric Stromer - GMC Trade Secrets - AOL Living
Got spots of brown? The most effective way to fix it is to dig out the dead patch and replace it with new sod. Let Eric show you how.
28 Household Tips – Timeless Wisdom Collection : TipNut.com
Tipnut’s collection of timeless wisdom is back! These are household tips I have collected from
vintage magazines and articles dating back to the 1940’s and 1950’s, it’s an occasional feature
I do here on Tipnut. Each of the tips are simple pieces of info shared between women back in the day
Candle Drippings
For spilled wax on carpet, use a brown paper bag as a For spilled wax on carpet, use a brown paper bag as a
blotter and run a hot iron over it, which will absorb blotter and run a hot iron over it, which will absorb the wax.
Crayon Marks on Floor
Use silver polish to remove from vinyl tile or linoleum
Grease on Floor
Rub floor with ice cubes to solidify grease. Scrape up excess and wash with soapy water.
.
The Top 13 Signs Your Pet Is Planning to Kill You
(Part
I)
13> You come home early to find the cat sharpening a knife on the gerbil
wheel.
12> Your Visa bill has a charge for a 9mm -- special thumb-free model.
11> Day after day, he's asleep on the couch as if NOTHING IS GOING ON.
10> You open Fifi's mail to find a down payment from the producers
of "When Animals Attack!"
9> Your monkey refuses to perform unless you're grinding a Celine Dion song.
8> When you ask your parrot why he keeps saying, "Polly want
a lawyer," he says he's just practicing.
7> The cat has moved his bed to the top of the stairs and has
coated the area with Vaseline.
6> In the aquarium's treasure chest you discover a map to your
bedroom and a tiny chainsaw.
5> The flash has faded and the camera is back in its bag, but
the bunny still has glowing red eyes.
4> Your cat leaves the dog's head in your bed.
3> Rover won't fetch the newspaper to save his ass, but as soon
as you slip into the bath, here he comes with the toaster.
2> Lassie just stands there at the top of the well, chuckling.
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Sign
Your Pet Is Planning to
Kill You...
1> Your gerbil has spelled out "What Would OJ Do?" in
poop pellets.
.
.
ron_stott
You are a Lousy Cook if...
* Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire alarm.
*Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.
*Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.
*Your son goes outside to make mud pies, and the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.
*Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.
*You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.
*Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.
*Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.
* No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.
.
My fave - I use it every year!
.
BADVETTE87
After
every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test
flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S:
Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode..
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number
3 engine missing..
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
P:
Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
.
Just when
you think you've met the girl of
your dreams, she goes and nearly strangles
you to death with a strand of anal beads.
I'm definitely marrying this chick!
.
.
I
used to call him Mister Happy or Mister
Stiffy, but ever since I hired that cheap
street hooker, he's been Mister Scabby.
.
That
preacher was right about the vows.
"With this ring, I thee wed" was way
nicer than "On your knees, beeyotch!"
.
ron_stott
Two businessmen in New York city are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store isn't ready - only a few shelves are set up.
One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by,
put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious southerner walks to the window,
has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' here?"
One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling idiots here."
Without skipping a beat, the southern gentleman says,
"Well, I see y'all're doing really good. You only got two left!"
.
.
A young man confided to his mother that he proposed taking
himself a bride.
"Whatsa dees?" screamed Mother. "Who's a gonna love you like
a Momma? Who's a gonna starch-a you socks? Who's a gonna
make-a you lasagna?"
"Please, Mom, calm down," pleaded the son. "Any why are you
talking like that? We aren't even Italian."
.
My
favorite cereal is Honey Bunches of Oh,
Oh, OHGODYESYESYESOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHs!
But the diner waitress hates it when I order them.
.
CARAMELIZED
ONIONS APPETIZER PIZZA
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
DOUGH
1 Tbs. sugar
1 cup warm water
1 pack (1/4 ounce) dry yeast
3 1/4 cups flour
1/4 cup olive oil
1 Tsp. salt
Dissolve sugar in water and add yeast. Stir gently until
dissolved (about 1 minute) Let stand until the yeast
foams slightly (about 5 minutes) to insure that the yeast
is effective. Combine 3 cups of the flour and salt in a
large bowl. Pour in the yeast mixture and oil. Begin
kneading the mixture, gradually adding enough of the
remaining 1/4 cup flour so that the dough is no longer
sticky. Continue kneading until the dough is smooth and
elastic (another 10-15 minutes by hand). Shape dough into
a ball and put in an oiled bowl, turning the dough to coat
it with the oil. Let rise until doubled in bulk (45 minutes
to 1-1/2 hours, depending on the yeast and the temperature).
Punch down the dough and shape into 1 or 2 pieces.
The entire recipe will make one large (16") pizza. Shape
the dough either by hand or with a rolling pin, stretching
out as necessary to achieve a thin dough.
Topping:
1/4 cup olive oil for frying onions
6 cups thinly sliced onions
6 garlic cloves
3 Tbs. fresh rosemary or 1 Tbs. dried rosemary
1 bay leaf
salt and pepper
2 T. oil for dribbling on top of pizza
1 Tbs. drained capers
1-1/2 Tbs. pine nuts
Heat 1/4 cup of the olive oil and add the onions, garlic,
thyme and bay leaf. Cook, stirring occasionally, until
most of the moisture has evaporated and the onion mixture
is very soft, almost smooth, and caramelized, about 45
minutes. Discard the bay leaf and season with salt and
pepper. Cover the dough with the onion mixture, sprinkle
with capers and pine nuts, and drizzle with remaining
olive oil if you are using it. Bake in pre-heated 500
degree oven for 10 minutes or until golden brown. The
baking time will vary depending on whether you bake on
a stone, a screen or in a pan. Be sure that your oven
is well pre-heated before putting pizza in.
Yield: 1 16-inch pizza
.
Virg297
.
I'm
training myself to be ambidextrous.
You never know when you'll have to
masturbate with your other hand.
.
The Top 9 Little-Known Side Benefits to Having a
Vasectomy
9> One more cool scar to show off.
8> You've been voted "Most Popular Stay-at-Home Dad" of Mercury
Boulevard.
7> You're able to sing first tenor again for the first time since third
grade.
6> Your sex life has "gone green," as your used condoms no longer
end up in landfills.
5> It's not an IUD, it's a party decoration!
4> You're pretty much guaranteed that child No. 12 will be your last.
3> In addition to gassiness, you now have something *else* in common with
the dog.
2> Each time she swallows, your weight-conscious wife now saves 0.005
calories.
and the Number 1
Little-Known Side
Benefit to Having
a Vasectomy...
1> The procedure involved more manipulation than da'boyz have
seen in a month.
.
pavanco1
The game works much the same as a traditional game of Monopoly. But there are important differences.
You're competing against players from around the world. And the game is much longer; it runs until January.
You can build on your properties. You can also place hazards on other players' streets.
This destroys the rental value. What fun! I'm sure you'll enjoy playing Monopoly Streets
Play Free Online Games | Candystand.com
Action games, match 3 games, racing games, shooting games and more!.
You’re presented with a picture of a desk. When you click Start, the creeps start invading.
The object is to stop them from making it across the desk. You do this by setting up towers.
You can create a maze for the creeps to follow. When they come in range of the towers,
the towers fire at them. It sounds easier than it really is. You’ll love this game!
Campfire Legends - The Hookman | RealArcade
Full Version Features:
- Experience this spooky urban legend as never before
- Walk darkened trails and search through spine-tingling locations
- Keep an eye out for life-saving objects and creepy shadows
- Do not dare to play this game alone!
.
“It's a new era at Disney. From now on, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be known as
Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals.” Argus Hamilton
.
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example,
France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time
France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
.
“He was such a convincing liar that both parties are recruiting him to run for Congress.” Argus Hamilton
.
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because
she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows
her husband to cheat and get away with it.
.
My new man is a
sexual animal!
He's not particularly good in bed,
but he spends hours humping my leg.
.
HOOSIER-HUNK
.
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection.
But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
.
I
ran into Jim at work yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the
flu.
I asked him how he was feeling. "I'm better, thanks. You know, it
was a wonderful experience."
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?" I asked in stunned
disbelief.
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know that
whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the
door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly
saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!' "
|
|
|
.
A bloke is sat at a bar when he sees this gorgeous woman waiting for her date.
He
decides to go over and chat her up.
'I think you're wasting your time, I'm only interested in women' said the
woman.
'Oh come on, I bet I can change your mind' said the bloke.
After ten minutes of the bloke pestering her, she had had enough.
'OK' said the woman 'I'll sleep with you if you can do anything for me that my
vibrator can't!'
'OK, barman get this lady a drink' he said. 'let's see your vibrator do that?'
.
Virg297
.
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries.
" The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some
fries with that?"
.
Why Some Men have Dogs and not Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get
another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think
it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last,
but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
.
HOOSIER-HUNK
.
To the
couple fucking on the third floor apt across the street
from my office:
We at X Associates would like to thank you for your weekly Friday
show. Every Friday at 4 we can count on you to get it on and on
and on. I must admit my surprise in a city full of skyscrapers
that someone in a third floor apt in midtown doesn't see the need
for window coverings of any sort especially when there is a 17
floor office building across the street. I only can assume you
are feeling the need to keep up with the porn shop that opened
up on the first floor of your building. Though I question your
intelligence I applaud your lusty lifestyle. Last week's super
freaky positions sex was great fun.
All the engineers here are still trying to work out the logistics
on a couple of those positions, and we are fairly sure that one
of them is physically impossible due to the stresses it would put
on the female body. This week's theme seems to be speed fucking
from behind... and was that a third person in the room we saw,
we aren't sure but oh what randy fun.
And once again we are amused, and titillated. you have no idea what
a welcome break you bring when the call comes from that side of our
office that the fuckers are at it again. The cubicles clear out
and you have 20 some odd men, and one woman (me) pressed against
the windows. As much as we enjoy the current show we do have some
ideas that could really bring it to the next level of enjoyment
for your adoring viewers.
1. Invest in some kind of glare free glass for the window. The
glare gets nasty on overcast days like today and we could barely
make out who was slapping who on the ass.
2. Move a bit closer to the window...not too close, just say a foot.
This gives us the viewer the premium viewing situation.
3. Man...get rid of the chubby girl, from certain angles well she
is just too much woman for us.
4. Sex against the window, just think about the fun that would be
had for all, you then could see us we could see you, it would be
a wonderous intimate act for the 25 of us.
5. Maybe add one more show a week, I know last week you did a
bonus Wednesday show and it went over great, it really warmed us
up for Friday.
I would really like once again to thank you on behalf of us all
here at X Associates. you make what is the best day of the work
week here even better, because nothing can beat seeing two young
people as yourself fuck like monkeys right before we leave this
hellhole for the weekend.
.
Once they are gone, they are gone forever
.
"Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former
President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama, 'Remember
if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner then I slept over at
your place.'" Conan O'Brien
.
The
blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening
as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the
fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me do you have
any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a
foot
fetish but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
.
The Best of Times
by Penny Vincenzi
"On an ordinary Friday afternoon, on a major motorway outside of London, a trailer truck suddenly and
violently swerves across fives lanes of traffic—careening cars into one another like dominoes and leaving a trail
of chaos and confusion. Within the space of a minute, an astounding miles-long pileup has amassed,
and, as the survivors await help, their stories unfold."
Not the best book I have ever read but it really keeps your interest because you want to
see what happens next!
.
The U.S.
trade deficit has been shrinking. June's exports of goods
and services was at a record high. The number one export from the
U.S.?... Jobs.
.
The
Top 14 Song Lyric Improvements
14> Well, she was just 16 -- you know what I mean.
And the age she was, was legal over there.
13> Summer's Eve -- makes me feel fine,
Rollin' through the caverns near my thighs.
12> Some silicone sister with a manager mister
told me I got what it takes.
Yeah, I been botoxed and bobbed, I had a boob job,
these babies are fabulous fakes.
11> I tip my hat to the new Constitution:
Legal dope and woo-hoo! Prostitution!
10> Ground control to Larry Craig...
Ground control to Larry Craig...
Entrapment underway; just flush and leave, we beg!
Here am I sh*tting in a Minn. can. Stud, rock my world!
Uniform is blue, crap! There's nothing I can do.
9> Went to a dance, looking for romance.
Pissed off Roseanne, and left by ambulance.
8> I see a red door and I want to paint it black.
Went to Home Depot, there are 20 shades, oh crap.
7> Mirrors on the ceiling, pink champagne on ice, and I said:
"You're the sex-slave prisoner, dear, and I'm the cop from
vice."
6> Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, what this, John? Bra!
What's this clothing you've got on?
5> "Some cat's in the cradle with the silver dude, Little
Babaloo, and a man with balloons."
"When you comin' home, Dad?"
"I don't know when. I can't get behind the wheel, son.
I shouldn't get behind the wheel."
4> Oh, Mickey, you're so fine.
You're so fine you blow my mind.
So friend me! So friend me!
3> Drivin' down the road, think I'm losin' my load,
I got three burritos on my mind.
One is kinda floating, one feels like exploding,
one's halfway out my behind.
2> Picture yourself in a boat on a river.
No seasicky feeling -- thanks, Dramamine guys!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Song Lyric Improvement...
1> She ran the fax machine, she kept the toner clean,
She was the best damn admin I had ever seen.
.
Kevin , the blonde, said "I'm breaking up with Sherry!" ,
to his friend James .
" Are you crazy ? Sherry is a beautiful and smart woman!", said
James.
Kevin responded..."Last night Sherry broke down and told me she was
bisexual, and who the hell wants to screw just twice a year ???"
.
Kali Dream
3/4 oz vodka
3/4 oz peach schnapps
1/2 oz raspberry liqueur
1 1/4 oz pineapple juice
2 1/2 oz orange juice Shake with ice and
serve over ice in a highball glass.
Eat Me
1/2 Frangelico (hazelnut liqueur)
1/2 Nachtmusik (chocolate-cream liqueur)
Whipped Cream
Fill up a shot glass with half of each liqueur and top it all off with
whipped cream.
Rockabilly Punch
2 parts whiskey
2 parts sweet and sour mix
2 parts orange juice
1 part lime juice
Serve in a highball glass. Garnish with orange wedges.
.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
.
My
parents are both busy professional people and have trouble
finding time for chores and home maintenance. On weekends they
each make a list of things to be done. Father's list is never
completely crossed off, but Mother's always is. Puzzled, I asked
her how she managed that.
"Simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I do the chore
first,
and then I put it on the list and cross it off!"
.
When
I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper
posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for
himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.
I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."
A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."
Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
.
While at the mall, I saw an elderly couple holding hands while
they were walking. As they approached, I commented on how romantic
it was.
He replied, "We have been holding hands when we go out in public
for over thirty years. I have to. If I let go, she shops."
.
BADVETTE87
"Daily Wet Dream"
Surfer's Corner!
Curly Fans
Nice Rack
Amateur BJ
Hot Snatch
Nip To Nip
.
Rockin'
and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with
regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
.
Another
issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making! So meet
us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
v v v v v
©1999 - 2009 - Deborah Austin - All rights
reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
v v v v v
She's not
blonde -- Oh well 
