Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
What can I say? 2008 was terrible - truly the worst of my life.
I won't bore you with details. I'm back! I think!?
So many of you wrote me and I am forever grateful for that!
Thank you x 1000000000000000000
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED from this mailing list,
please send an email
to me at AOL and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
- and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a
wild ride!
A guy gets set up
on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a
very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter
approaches the table and asks to take their order.
The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp
cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard
to the price.
The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so
much. She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks,
"What do you suggest I wash it down with?"
"Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi
River."
v v v v
v
"The Department of Health and Human Services officially re-
cognized obesity as a medical illness. Doctors say symptoms
include shortness of breath and 'wideness' of ass."
Conan O'Brien
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RESTAURANT STYLE CHEESE BISCUITS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 teaspoon garlic salt or powder
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
1 teaspoon Italian seasonings
2 cups Bisquick
1/2 cup cold water (or gingerale)
3/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, grated
1/2 c Butter
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Mix Bisquick, water and cheese.
Drop by large spoonfuls onto greased baking sheet. Bake for 8-10
minutes. After baking, (while hot) brush on melted butter or
margarine mixed with garlic powder, parsley flakes and Italian
seasoning (a little seasoning goes a long way.) Serve hot.
YIELD: 12 biscuits
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v
A secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm
afraid I've got some bad news for you."
"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained.
"Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary.
"You're not sterile."
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind
of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got
millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have
sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say,
'Specify type of goat.'"
Rich Jeni
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"Hillary Clinton may take the job of secretary of state.
The secretary of state serves at the pleasure of the
president. To which Bill Clinton said, 'Yeah, that'll be a first.'"
Jay Leno
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Are Plastics a Potential Health Problem? | Susan Mitchell ThirdAge Today
A friend who has been dealing with breast cancer asked me if drinking out of hard plastic bottles like the ones that hikers use could potentially put her at risk for more cancer due the chemical bisphenol-A. You may know it as BPA which has a #7 on the bottom of containers for recycling purposes. Many reusable water bottles, some baby bottles, and clear plastic storage containers are made with polycarbonate plastic containing BPA. The lining of most canned food, pizza boxes, water pipes, cell phones, shower curtains, CDs and some dental sealants contain BPA. There is even a small amount of BPA in house dust and the air but the biggest part of your exposure comes from food and liquids.
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The
Top 8 Signs God Is Not a NASCAR Fan
8> He just watches to make the cars crash.
7> Most other sports don't involve the possibility of the loser
going up in a fiery ball of flames.
6> Isn't it easier to picture God as a monster truck/funny car
kind of guy?
5> Because scripture shows a decidedly single-minded preference
for the sports of smiting, fishing and annihilation.
4> Don't you know *anything* about religion? God is a skee-ball
fanatic!
3> Well, you never see any pictures of Jesus sporting a trucker's
cap and sucking on a Tall Boy, do you?
2> The Shroud of Turin doesn't have a single advertising sticker
on it.
and the Number 1 Sign God Is Not a NASCAR Fan ...
1> That whole "maketh no vroom on the sabbath" line in St. Clem's
Epistle to the Mulletites.
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*submitted by*
HOOSIER-HUNK
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The Top 10 Signs Your Fashion Consultant Is a Porn
Star
10> You never realized that Prada made codpieces.
9> You like to accessorize with belts, she likes to accessorize
with strap-ons.
8> The ass-baring pants are just not great for winter wear.
7> That "Bowm-chikka-bow-wow" sound effect whenever you enter her
shop.
6> She convinces every business to use "Speed of Removal" as
their primary uniform selection criteria.
5> Instead of a changing room, there's a casting couch.
4> It's either no underwear, or only underwear.
3> The pasties have the same color scheme as your favorite
football team, but they clash with your mustache.
2> He accessorizes every outfit with a pearl necklace.
and the Number 1 Sign
Your Fashion
Consultant
Is a Porn Star...
1> "Oh Yes! Oh Yes! OH GOD YES!!! That is a lovely shade of
mauve."
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*submitted by*
ShaynaButtons
Fun! Use any photo to put in on the cover of Vogue, etc etc!
http://www.lockergnome.com/windows/2008/10/22/ztail/
Have you ever wondered how much money some of your stuff is worth? You may think that a particular item has a certain value, but just because you believe it to be true, that doesn’t make it so. While things are worth different amounts to different people, a general value can be determined for almost [...]
LIFE photo archive hosted by Google
Search millions of photographs from the LIFE photo archive, stretching from the 1750s to today. Most were never published and are now available for the first time through the joint work of LIFE and Google.sudKP1983
Human Slinky Halftieme Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE Video
Interesting half time show!?
STREET WITH A VIEW: a project by Robin Hewlett & Ben Kinsley
Google recently improved its Maps site by adding Street View. With Street View, you see street-level imagery. That means you can tour some cities virtually!
Of course, you'll see some strange things in Street View. Take, for example, Sampsonia Way in Pittsburgh.
Street View has captured a parade and a marathon. You'll also see swordsmen battling and a laser zapping a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
Could all of this be real? Yes and no. The scenes were actually staged by a couple of artists and a slew of participants. And Google was happy to help with the art project.
v v v v v
"Ashley Dupree, Eliot Spitzer's hooker, says she's sorry
for the pain she caused Eliot Spitzer's wife, and that
she feels connected to her. Maybe if she wasn't connected
to her husband, none of this would have happened."
Jay Leno
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"The economy's getting bad. Broadway attendance is down 90
percent. Economists are saying it is a terrible time to be
gay."
Craig Ferguson
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
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The Top 6 Reasons Tabbies Have an
"M" on Their Forehead
6> It's a "W," moron. Now scratch my belly!
5> It serves as a reminder that it is always Mealtime.
4> It stands for "Murder" and it's what will happen to you if you
try another funny-outfit photo session.
3> It's nature's "open here" mark for the alligators.
2> They just adore Judi Dench and Bond films.
and the Number 1
Reason Tabbies
Have an
"M" on Their Forehead...
1> To distract you from the * at the other end.
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Yummy!
Deluxe
Corn Bread Casserole
Deluxe corn bread casserole falls somewhere between really moist
corn bread and a cheesy spoonbread. The casserole starts with a
box mix, so you can make this side dish in no time flat. Kids and
adults will love it; and it's the perfect accompaniment to
chicken, turkey, and even meat loaf. More
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Doctors' Opinion of Financial Bail Out Package
The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised
not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the
Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the
Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the
Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body!' while the Pediatricians
said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was
madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the
Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists
felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the
Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some a$$holes
in Washington.
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Separation Anxiety
If Bowser becomes a weapon of mass destruction when home alone, the cause could simply be boredom, anxiety, or fear. To counter the boredom factor, be sure he has plenty of toys to chew, pull, and toss. Help him relax by leaving the radio or TV on at low volume while you're out. Soothing music and the sound of voices comforts a lonely pooch and may be enough to ease his anxiety. Finally, come and go calmly. If you don't make a big fuss of your departure and return, he might not, either.
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*submitted by*
KP1983
hahahahaha!
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Next
month, the Oxford University Press will issue a new
version of the Kama Sutra that corrects some of the
translation errors that were included in Sir Richard
Burton's famous 1883 publication of the Indian erotic guide.
The Top 13 Surprises in
the New Kama Sutra
(Part I)
13> The most recommended new positions all require a Segway.
12> "Warning: Objects on these pages are more limber than their
real-life counterparts."
11> That position on page 215 was *intended* as a back-scratching
technique.
10> The "Flying Tiger Lotus" position has been renamed
"Really
Good Way To Watch Satima's Boobies Bounce."
9> Apparently, sex is supposed to be fun. Won't Mrs. Falwell
be surprised?
8> The "Trampoline" position is often followed by the
"Hospital
Bed" pose.
7> The back seat of an SUV is an acceptable substitute for
positions calling for making love on a water buffalo.
6> The dedication page includes a shout-out to "the sultry
sounds of Barry White."
5> Turns out the best way to get a woman aroused is to blow
gently into her *rear*.
4> Yogi Todd claims: "I knew this one dude who tried to do #72,
'Entwined Serpents,' all by himself and got stuck that way.
Seriously, man."
3> Warning: Avoid the "Squatting Lotus" position after eating
Mexican food.
2> "The Flying Swan Anticipates the Ecstasy of Flight" from the
original text is now correctly translated as "Lonely Dude
Makes a Booty Call."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Surprise in the New Kama Sutra...
1> It's the simple story of a nerdy average lover bitten by a
radioactive hooker.
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You
know the way a bailout works? Here's the way a bailout works.
A failed president and a failed Congress invest $700 billion of
your money in failed businesses. Believe me, this can't fail
Jay Leno
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Barack Obama says that both men and women should have to register
for the draft. The first woman he wants signed up? Sarah Palin.
Jay Leno
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Hits
kkomando.com
Have you ever heard of the term "hit?" Do you have any idea what it refers to in means of the Internet world? If you have heard of it, are you really sure you know what it means? The reason I ask is because there is a big misconception when it comes to this term. Many people think a hit refers to the number of visits a certain Web site gets. They think every time someone goes to a site, one more hit is added to that Web site's total count. Well, that is just not true. The term still deals with Web sites, but it really means something different. Let's find out what, shall we?!
A hit is actually a request made to a Web server. For example, if you go to a Web site that has six images included on the homepage, the browser must make a request to the server for the six images and one extra for the HTML part of the site. Then once all of those requests are made, seven hits are actually recorded, instead of just six.
The other way the term "hit" is used is within search engine results. When you do a search on Google (or whatever your favorite search engine is) and you get your results, each of those is called a hit. For instance, if the search engine finds 400 matches to your inquiry, you received back 400 hits. So, now that there's no confusion with this term, you can go on and impress your buddies by telling them how many hits you received for your search today!
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Three whores were comparing notes about their customers from the
night before.
"I banged a cowboy last night", said the first.
"How did you know he was a cowboy?" asked the second.
"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat
and the boots on all the time we were screwing."
"Sounds like a cowboy, all right," the others agree.
"I did a lawyer," announced the second. "I could tell because he
wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of
the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time we were doing
it."
They all agreed he sounded like a lawyer.
"I humped a grain farmer," commented the third.
"How could you possibly know he was a grain farmer?" one asked.
"First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet,
then he asked if he could pay me in the fall."
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HOOSIER-HUNK
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To give you an idea of how bad the economy is, over the weekend, I
wrote a check and the bank bounced.
Jay Leno
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Top 15 Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex with You
1. Bangs her head on the
headboard BEFORE you begin.
2. She yells out her own name.
3. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook more easily.
4. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
5. Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
6. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on
too.
7. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV file.
8. During the act, she screams, "Oh, baby, yadda, yadda, yadda!"
9. You begin to suspect she is only "playing" dead.
10. You find yourself sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer show
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Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.
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Password memorizer - Downloads from The Kim Komando Radio Show® & Web site
If you struggle to keep track of multiple passwords, you can benefit from this program. It can organize and store all of your passwords in one place. All you have to remember is one code to access your passwords.
The program lets you categorize your passwords. For example, you could set up categories such as "E-mail accounts" or "Web site memberships." You can also name each user name/password pair to make them easier to find in the Password Safe list. One idea is to name them after their matching Web sites or programs.
The last password you’ll have to remember - Downloads from The Kim Komando Radio Show® & W
Nowadays, it seems that everywhere you go online requires registration. The problem with that? Remembering your log-in information.
Luckily, there is a program that serves as a vault for all your passwords. It is secure and easy to access. Everything is encrypted.
Whenever you enter a password for a new site, LastPass will prompt you. You can choose which log-in information it should remember. From then on, entering a password-protected site takes one click.
http://www.lockergnome.com/windows/2008/10/14/daphne-v137/
Daphne is a small (system tray) application for killing, controlling, and debugging Windows processes.
You can kill a process by dragging the mouse over a window and right-clicking the process in the main process list, or by typing its name with the “Kill all by name” command.
You can set any window to be always on top, to be transparent, to be enabled, etc.
The main window displays a list of currently running process with detailed information about...
v v v v v
A blonde goes into work one
morning crying her eyes out. Her
boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked
sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies: "Early this morning I got a phone
call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, says to the young
girl. "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly
busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I
need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing
that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.
"If you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the
blonde. He looks out over his office and sees her hysterically
crying!! He rushes out to her, asking,
"What's the problem...are you gonna be ok??"
"No...." exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister.
She told me that HER mom died too!!"
v v v v v
"Larry King asked President Bush if he lost any money in the
crisis, and surprisingly, Bush said he has no idea where his
money is because his money is in a blind trust managed by a
Nigerian prince who is about to collect a huge inheritance."
Jimmy Kimmel
NOTE: no more Bush bashing from me
Time for the sitting President to have jokes and mud thrown
at him -- besides, that is the American Way! Shame, shame!
v v v v v
"Toyota is developing a miniature, environmentally friendly
car that is powered entirely by a rechargeable battery.
Meanwhile, Detroit is still hard at work on an SUV that runs
on rain forest trees and Panda blood."
Conan O'Brien
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v
*submitted by*
harlmilligan
:: Matchpractice.com Golf Game ::
Fun game - addictive too
10 Days Under the Sea ~ Windows Fanatics
Set sail and help Little Carrie find her body. She’s been turned into a ghost by a mysterious old man and must find hidden treasures to be freed from her spectral prison.
But, she has just ten days to complete the task before her! Comb underwater scenes for hidden objects in gorgeous locations like the Sea of Japan, the Caribbean, the Nile and many more!
v v v v v
"According to Blender magazine, the average person spends
three years of their life in the bathroom. Do you know what's
really pathetic? If it turned out those were the best years
of your life."
Jay Leno
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Ethyl was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she
said, "but my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about
losing her hair."
"What do you mean?" the beautician asked.
"Well, I overheard her on the phone the other day telling
her best friend that she hoped she'd be balled soon."
v
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New
computer systems are all the rage in
healthcare these days. But
bleeding-edge
technology needs to be supported by
someone,
and that someone is IT, the poor
suckers.
The Top 6 Reasons Your Hospital's IT Team Is Going on
Strike
6> Surgical residents decided to prove that removing a RAID Array
from the server was just as easy as doing an appy.
5> So the hot chicks in data entry will appreciate us more!
4> They're tired of all the "cute" department nick names:
Inflammation Technology, Inflamed Testicles, Insufficient
Testosterone ...
3> It's a protest against the morality of using Vista to run
software critical to the survival of patients.
2> Because the g*ddamn surgical R2s kept bugging them to replace
"Freecell" with "Operation" on all the PCs.
and the Number 1 Reason Your
Hospital's
IT Team Is Going
on Strike...
1> The Chief of Surgery objected to being redirected to
http://www.ISUCK69.org every time he clicked on the
cafeteria's lunch menu link.
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shinyhappyhead
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There once was a priest who
had to spend the night in a hotel. He
got to his room and opened up the Gideon's Bible to page 1, then
called the front desk and asked the hat check girl to come up to
his room for dinner.
After a while he started making passes, she stopped him and reminded
him he was a holy man.
"It's OK," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."
So after a wild night of sex, the hat check girl asked to see where
in the Bible it says it's okay to have wild, passionate sex.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first
page where someone had written in pencil: "The hat check girl
puts out!"
v v v v v
Q: How do you find a fat girl's twat?
A: You flip through the folds until you smell shit, And then go back
one.
v
v v v v
"As a single, never married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by my friends,
relatives and co-workers.
Over the years, I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.
In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out with this
weekend?"
In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?"
In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone yet?"
Now, people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?"
v v v v v
Best free antispyware
Find out if your PC is part of a botnet
Support Alert by Ian Richards, May 15, 2008
It is estimated than more than 50 million PCs around the world are now silently controlled by spammers and criminal gangs. These "zombie" PCs as they are called, are just normal PCs owned by Moms and Pops that have been taken over by malware secretly downloaded onto the PCs using web exploits, infected emails and more.
These zombies are organized in vast networks called botnets with each botnet owned and controlled remotely by different criminal groups. The most common use of botnets is sending spam.
Most zombie owners don't even know their PC is under the control of someone else. That's where this program from Trend Micro is useful:
"RUBotted is a free program that monitors your computer for suspicious activities and regularly checks with an online service to identify behavior associated with Bots. Upon discovering a potential infection, RUBotted prompts you to scan and clean your computer."
http://www.trendsecure.com/portal/en-US/tools/security_tools/rubotted
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Pedestrian: someone who thought there were a couple
of gallons left in the tank.
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Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.
v v v v v
We have a friend whom we are
very proud of, he has completely
turned his life round. He used to be depressed and miserable.
Now he's miserable and depressed.
v v v v v
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
v v v v v
KP1983
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A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn
and drinking a beer.
The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass
the kid.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?" he asked.
"That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer. "I
got laid when I was three."
"What? How did that happen?"
"I don't remember. I was drunk."
v v v v v
The Top 10 Things Overheard Backstage
at "Jeopardy!"
10> "Wait a minute now... you're saying there were TWO President
Roosevelts?"
9> "C'mon, my life *must* contain at least one amusing anecdote:
think, THINK!"
8> "Would someone please tell Andrew Samuel Smith that he can't
just use his initials?"
7> "Someone brew some coffee. Johnny Gilbert's been researching
the Potent Potables category again."
6> "For tonight's show, should I go for the 'condescendingly
arrogant' look, or the 'above it all lofty' look?"
5> "I know we've had that clue before -- and we'll have it
again and again until someone figures out that the
CAPITAL OF CANADA IS OTTAWA, YOU MORONS!!!"
4> "To prevent you from approaching Mr. Trebek, no pants can
be worn on stage. Just stay behind the podium like a
good
player."
3> "Susan from Rhode Island enjoys mocking French Canadians
and belongs to the Sean Connery fan club... If this isn't
a joke, someone's getting fired!"
2> "Maybe that Audio Daily Double from the campfire scene in
'Blazing Saddles' wasn't such a great idea after all."
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Thing
Overheard Backstage at
"Jeopardy!"...
1> "Mrs. Trebek, it's such an honor to meet you. Tell me,
how did you feel when Alex finally popped the answer?"
v v v v v
So, tell me, how do you react when something goes wrong with your computer? Do you stay calm and try to figure out what's wrong or do you panic and think the worse? Depending on the nature of the problem, it's normal to react both ways and I'm sure you've all experienced both situations. But there really is no need to get all bent out of shape over some computer trouble. There are things you can do to always have successful computer problem solving results. Want to know what those things are? Then you better read the tip on our homepage today. It holds all the answers you seek!
Problem Solving Success - WorldStart Computer Tips and Computer Help
v v v v v
Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a
high salary."
Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're
doing."
v v v v v
A young gay man is confronted by some
of his friends and told that
he may be drinking a bit too much and it seems like it may be getting
in the way of his work and effecting some of his relationships. His
friends are concerned that he may need to seek help.
He took their feelings to heart and joined AA. At the end of a year
of dedication he is clean and sober and gets his "pin" showing his
progress (of one year being clean and sober).
He then thinks, he has wanted to stop smoking for awhile, could he
use the same principles he used in AA to stop smoking? He sets
himself on the path and does so.
By the second year when he gets his pin from AA, he is tobacco free,
and has a small dinner party to celebrate the fact. When he gets
together with his friends, they are amazed at what good health he is
in, and amazed that he is not only alcohol free but also tobacco
free. They applaud his dedication.
About a year later he has another dinner party and announces to all
his friends that he is "no longer gay." His straight friends as
well as his gay friends are totally amazed at this. No one believes
he has managed to change so much in is life.
"Did you do the same things you did to stop drinking and smoking?"
many asked. "Was it just a choice of lifestyle change?"
others
asked. "Was it some type of religious revelation?" was even
asked.
"No, nothing so drastic" he replied. "Its just when I quit
smoking I
found everything tasted different."
v v v v v
shinyhappyhead
v v v v v
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several
of us were standing around in our leotards
chatting about fitness and diets. One woman
said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking,
gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same
time.
Thinking to myself that no human being could
possibly do this without acquiring at least one
other undesirable habit for compensation, I
jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well,
my sister is pregnant now."
v v v v v
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
by Aron Ralston
In late April 2003, hiker Aron Ralston was trekking through a canyon in southeast Utah when an 800-pound boulder shifted and pinned his right arm. Inextricably stuck, alone for five and a half days, armed only with a bottle of water and a few burritos, he became hypothermic and dehydrated and slipped into visions and despair. Finally, in a last desperate attempt, he severed his own arm. Then, dripping blood all the way, he rappelled 60 feet and walked eight miles to rescue. "Hero" is too weak a word.
You might remember from the extensive news coverage -- the book is amazing! You
can't fathom what the author went through. Shocking!
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The Top 16 Signs It's Time for a Pro Athlete to
Retire
16> He just stands in the outfield, screaming at the other players
to get off his lawn.
15> Vince McMahon awards him the In continental Belt.
14> After countless reconstructive surgeries, her knee is starting
to look like Michael Jackson's nose.
13> Drives the entire 500 laps with his turn signal on.
12> Thrown out of a game for saying, "Yes, Mummy!" to the referee
in a moment of confusion.
11> Can't even warm the bench any more due to poor circulation.
10> Points at facemask and asks when "this wussy thing" was added
to helmet.
9> Footage of his rookie days doesn't exist because moving
pictures hadn't yet been invented.
8> Pre-game dinner? A 3 p.m. seating at Old Country Buffet.
7> Loves to play on the road against the Dodgers because Ebbets
Field is close to Coney Island.
6> Celebratory pat on the butt = dislocated hip.
5> Fans in opposing ballparks stop booing and start offering
their arms for the walk to first base instead.
4> These days getting a triple-double means a good week for his
colon.
3> Isn't worried about getting cut from the squad because he's
confident there's room for him in the Negro League.
2> Surviving autographs from his rookie days were written with
a quill pen.
and Topfive.com's Number
1 Sign It's
Time for a Pro Athlete
to Retire...
1> He spends every America's Cup race below-deck, screaming
about sailing off the end of the world.
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LIZZY'S APPLE CIDER
GRAVY
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
3 T fat from the drippings, the rest of the no-fat drippings
14 oz of chicken broth
1/3 cup fresh apple cider or unsweetened apple juice
3 cloves of garlic, minced
3 T flour
1 T bourbon or orange juice
1/2 t grated orange peel
DIRECTIONS:
Pour out drippings and let fat rise to the top. Meanwhile,
deglaze pan with a little water. Skim off 3 T of fat and put
into saucepan. Toss out the rest of the fat. Add drippings
to pan. Make a mix of the flour and a small amount of COLD
chicken broths... remember cold is good here. Put everything
BUT the bourbon (or orange juice) and the orange peel into
the saucepan. Bring to a simmer. Slowly, in a thin even
stream, add the flour/broth mixture. Adjust for desired
thickness. Remove from the heat add the bourbon or orange
juice and the orange peel. Serve.
QUICK COOK TIP: You can add the flavor elements of this
recipe to store bought too.
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Tequila Canyon
1 1/2 oz Tequila
1/4 oz Triple Sec
3 oz Cranberry Juice
1 oz Pineapple Juice
1/2 oz Orange Juice
Ice
Pour first 3 ingredients into a glass 2/3 full of ice and
stir gently. Top with pineapple and orange juices.
Add a lime wedge and serve with a straw.
Catalina Margarita
1 1/2 oz Tequila
2 oz Peach Schnapps
1 oz Blue Curacao
4 oz Sour Mix
Ice
Shake with ice and strain into a chilled margarita glass.
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The Top 9
"Fabulous" Speed Date First Lines
9> "How do American speed daters find time to talk? Australian
speed daters barely have time to change condoms."
8> "Mind if I just sit here silently? I'm still recovering from
the previous date's orgasm."
7> "I've already paid for my boobs."
6> "Don't you also find it ironic that we are meeting in a 'Grab
'n Go'?"
5> "Guess how many cats I have, to the nearest dozen."
4> "If you're in a hurry to have kids, then I'm your guy. I've
got at least 4."
3> "I'm Joan Rivers' plastic surgeon."
2> "I'm here because my last girlfriend told me my sexual skill
set was perfectly suited to this medium."
and the Number 1 "Fabulous" Speed Date First Line...
1> "HihowareyoumynameisBobandI'mrichandgreatinthesack."
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v
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BADVETTE87
A man and a woman was in bed getting
ready to make love.
The woman directed the man, “Go ahead. Put your finger in there.” So the man
did, and after a few minutes, she said, “Put a few more in.” So the man put a
few more in, and then she requested, “Put your whole hand in.” The man did
this, and after a few moments the woman said, “Now put your other hand in.” So
the man did. The woman said, “Clap”
“I can't,” replied the man.
So the woman said, “Tight, huh?”
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According to a national
organization that studies obesity, nine of
the fattest states in America are in the lower third of the country.
In other words, geographically, America has a fat ass.
(Conan O'Brien
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Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
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Blondie
Vibrators vs men!!!
Asian Spice
Hottie
Up View
Footsie
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty,
expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.
Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and
another one already in the making! So
meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
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©1999 - 2009 - Deborah Austin -
All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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