Editor:  DebsSweet
  Graphic Editors:  Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
   CrispySue, Kittykab

Happy Halloween!

Such an odd time of the year.  Children going house to house

begging for candy.  Older kids throw eggs at houses.  Yep, my kind

of fun!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED from this mailing list,

please send an email
  to me at AOL and your request will be handled promptly.
 
  Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's

time to ROCK AND ROLL!
 
-  and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

Her husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating
company.

One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each
appointment by phone the night before his service call to that
household.

One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone,
he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your
wife phoned us."

There was a long silence, and then he heard the man on the other
end say, "Honey, it's for you......someone wants to talk to you
about your relatives."

v v v v v

I See You Everywhere

by Julia Glass

"Louisa Jardine is the older one, the conscientious student, precise and careful: the one who years for a good marriage,

an artistic career, a family. Clem, the archetypal youngest, is the rebel: uncontainable, iconoclastic,

committed to her work but not to the men who fall for her daring nature. Louisa resents that the charismatic

Clem has always been the favorite; yet as Clem puts it, “On the other side of the fence–mine–every expectation you fulfill . . .

puts you one stop closer to that Grand Canyon rim from which you could one day rule the

world–or plummet in very grand style.”

Stay as far away from this novel as you can - it's confusing as hell, the characters simply

aren't interesting and the plot?   I have no clue.

Welcome to In2Books

Two respected journals recently reviewed In2Books. Here's what they had to say:

The Reading Teacher, "Raising urban students' literacy learning achievement by

engaging in authentic, challenging work," May 2007

"The importance of documenting and understanding literacy learning success stories in large urban school districts

has become increasingly clear. Upon finding evidence that In2Books was associated with improvements in

reading achievement, we attempted to look beneath the surface of those improvements to gain

insight into what actually made a difference.  More....

v v v v v

BEST EVER BRUCHETTA

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
2 tomatoes, cubed
1 teaspoon dried basil
4 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 clove garlic, crushed
seasoning salt to taste
ground black pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:
In a medium bowl, mix tomatoes, dried basil, Parmesan
cheese, olive oil, garlic, seasoning salt and ground
black pepper. Cover and chill in the refrigerator 8
hours, or overnight, before serving.

Yield: 8 Appetizer portions

v v v v v

The man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to
be delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he
replied that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from.

Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received
a phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers. The
florist told her that the sender requested no card be included.

"Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFORE my husband
comes home for lunch!"

v v v v v

v v v v v

Olga and Olie were applying for a wedding license and were answering

questions asked by the clerk.

"Olga, how old are you?"

Olga answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."

Next the clerk asked, "Olga, how tall are you?"

Responding, Olga stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."

"And how much do you weigh, Olga?" was the next question.

"I weigh yust about 185 pounds."

"Wow", exclaimed the clerk. "You're big enough to play with the
Green Bay Packers!!"

"Oh no," answered Olga. "I yust play with Olie's packer."

v v v v v

v v v v v

NEW AIRLINE RULES

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your
ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, Please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to 'Sit'.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee
of $5. It's the Airline's new Policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, Do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is
going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, Your carry-on bag looks heavy.
Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be Swell, Thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10,
Please.

Passenger: What ?

Attendant: The Airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to
sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from
the gate. But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: " No Way ! "

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the
Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why Not? Is he going to 'Shoot me'?

Attendant: No, But there's a $50 Air-Marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything
else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't
seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, Sir. Just insert two
quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The Airline is charging me for Cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free
of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for
a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, Sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a 'change making fee' of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter?
What the heck can I do with this ?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

v v v v v

v v v v v

Billy Bob: My grandfather lived to be 90.

Jim Bob: Ninety? What finally got him?

Billy Bob: Liquor and women.

Jim Bob: That shows they'll get you in the end.

Billy Bob: No -- he couldn't get either one, so he just laid down
and died.

v v v v v

CREAMY POTATO SWISS SOUP

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
4 medium potatoes, peeled and quartered
1 small carrot, peeled and finely chopped
1/2 stalk celery, finely chopped
1 small onion, finely diced
1-1/2 cups chicken broth
1 tsp. salt
2-1/2 cups milk
3 tbsp. butter, melted
3 tbsp. flour
1 tbsp. parsley
1 tsp. pepper
1 cup shredded Swiss cheese

DIRECTIONS:
In a large saucepan, bring potatoes, carrot, celery, onion,
chicken broth and salt to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and
simmer until potatoes are just tender. Do not drain; mash
slightly. Stir in milk. In a small bowl, blend butter, flour,
parsley and pepper; stir into potato mixture. Cook and stir
over medium heat until thickened and bubbly. Remove from heat;
add cheese and stir until cheese is almost melted. Let soup
stand for 5 minutes.

Yield: 6 Servings

v v v v v

v v v v v

One school of thought says that alcohol is the tool of the devil
-- though I tend to believe that the resulting hangover is more
his style.

Blaine Hofmockel

v v v v v

My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in
her water dish. I'm beginning to wonder if it's her way of asking
me for tequila.

Stephanie S. Thompson

v v v v v

v v v v v

I'm really disturbed about all these priest scandals I keep reading
about in the papers. From what I can tell, the average priest is
having more sex than I am.

v v v v v

A lot of voters are getting a little bored with the 2-party system.
Even the Reform Party and the Libertarian Party aren't making
much of a showing this year. So we have created a list of the Top
Ten independent political parties we'd like to see in the next
Presidential election.

10. The Crack Party... We're split down the middle.

9. The Mouth Party... And you're invited to cum.

9. The Gay / NRA Party... We're here, we're queer... ....YOU GOT
A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

7. The Pity Party.. C'mon, we never win anything. Vote for us once,
will ya please?

6. The Private Party... No comment.

5. The Cocktail Party... Cock and Tail - does it get any better
than this?

4. The Search Party... Looking for members.

3. The Keg Party... Dude, we could so totally run the country.

2. Non-partisan party... We believe in what you believe in.

And the number 1 independent political party we'd like to see:

1. The Beaver Party... Oh, forget it - we've already got Bush.

v v v v v

v v v v v

      The Top 9 Things Uttered in the Candidates' Bedrooms


9> John McCain: "Is that the best you can do, Mistress? I had
    much worse in those years in the Hanoi Hilton."

8> Barack Obama: "I guess, my trembling Baby, that's another
    reason everyone thinks of me as the 'Second Coming.'"

7> Sarah Palin: "Todd, stop calling me Tina! It's not funny
    anymore."

6> Joe Biden: "Sometime in the next four hours, your vagina will
    be tested by an intergenital crisis."

5> Sarah Palin: "I like to be on top, because then I can see
    Canada!"

4> Joe Biden: "Hey, I resent that! A *few* of the things I said
    weren't lifted from a romance novel!"

3> John McCain: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

2> Sarah Palin: "Read my lips: NO MORE BAREBACK, Mr. Babydaddy!"


                 and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing
              Uttered in the Candidates' Bedrooms...


1> Ralph Nader: "Honey, break out the Vaseline. Tonight I'm going
    to do to you what I did do Al Gore in 2000!"

v v v v v

submitted by"  WaltWiso

v v v v v

submitted by:  ron_stott

v v v v v

submitted by:   WaltWiso

 v v v v v

submitted by:  DeVulcano

Doctors' Opinion of Financial Bail Out Package

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the

Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled,

"Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it,

and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said,

"This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the

Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some assholes in Washington.

 v v v v v

v v v v v

submitted by BADVETTE87

Little Hendy's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day,
so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said,
"Hendy. This is where you come from."  

Hendy went to school the next
day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Hendy."

"Why?" one asked. Hendyy held his fingers an inch apart and said,
"Because I came this close to being a Turd."

 v v v v v

submitted by DeVulcano

RAINBOWS OF FALL...

Beautiful fall scenery!

USDA Forest Service - Caring for the land and serving people.  

 Up to date info on the fall colors - state by state.

Want to know why leaves change colors?  There is a link explaining it

Science News

You don't have to be a science geek to enjoy this site!

Criminal Searches - FREE criminal searches on anyone

Do you really know who these people are? We associate with them and even invite them in our homes.

Do they have a criminal background? Are your children safe with them?
Find out now for FREE!

VISION USA

 If you do not qualify for government aid or private health care assistance that covers

the cost of routine eye or vision care, Vision USA™ can help. Vision USA™ provides basic eye health

and vision care services free of charge to uninsured, low-income people and their families.

Vision USA™ was established in 1991 by AOA doctors of optometry who donate their services.

InsideTrip - Intelligent travel choices

InsideTrip allows YOU to rate your trip according to each of these factors and helps you wade

through the hundreds of flight options on the market today

Free Online PDF Creator - Convert files to PDF on the Web - PrimoOnline

PrimoOnline provides a super-fast way to create PDF files online, without the need to install

any PDF software. Simply upload your file, enter your email address, and our server-based PDF

creator will quickly convert it to PDF and deliver it straight to your email inbox.

 v v v v v

  The Top 9 Reasons There Are Pasties in Your Glove Compartment  


9> You thought the box said "pastries."

8> You'd be surprised at the number of unique ways these hybrids
    keep their fuel cells charged.

7> To signal to troopers that you're having a wardrobe
    malfunction.

6> You took her little sister to work last week, and they fell
    out of her bag.

5> Certain counties object to such gratuitously bared headlights.

4> "I like to wear them as eye protection when I go tanning!"

3> "Oh, I don't know, a latent death wish, perhaps?"

2> They interfered with your sight lines when they were hanging
    from the rear-view mirror.


                and the Number 1 Reason There Are                
               Pasties in Your Glove Compartment...              


1> Because the g-string is being used to hold up the muffler.

 v v v v v

Grapes of Intestinal Wrath

Grapes and raisins, although healthy and popular snacks for people, can cause serious health

problems in dogs. Although the exact reason why they're toxic remains unknown,

even small doses can cause vomiting, diarrhea, fatigue, and abdominal pain and can lead to kidney

damage and even kidney failure. After ingesting these fruits, dogs show increased levels of nitrogen,

creatinine, and phosphorous in their blood, which indicates impaired kidney function.

If your dog succeeds in sneaking any of these snacks, a swift trip to the vet can

offset potentially serious health complications.

Happy Trails and Tails

The air is fresh, and your buddy is by your side. What could be more fun and feel less like a

workout than hiking with your dog? Just keep these pup-healthy points in mind:

• Avoid multipurpose trails. Don't make Fido share the path with dirt bikes or ATVs.

And avoid paths heavily trafficked by mountain bikers or cross-country skiers.

• Keep cool. Watch for signs that a shade break is needed,

like heavy panting and bright red gums.

• Carry water. Offer water often; dogs drink more than humans.
• Use a leash. Chipmunks and other critters can be too darned tempting.
• Use sunscreen. Fair doggy noses can burn just like human ones.

v v v v v

submitted by  BADVETTE87

 This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.

"Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.

The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.

Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.

"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly
American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness.

That makes things grow."

Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on
his face.

He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.

"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.

"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

 v v v v v

submitted by:  WaltWiso

 v v v v v

 submitted by BADVETTE87

Academic Bullshit Phrases Completed , , , , ,

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you
understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special
phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or
academic paper.

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...
I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...
These data are practically meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS
TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to
get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...
The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...
This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"...
Once.

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...
Twice.

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...
Thrice.

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...
I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...
A couple of others think so, too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...
Rumor has it.

"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS"...
A really wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer
glass.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED
BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...
I don't understand it....and I never will.

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...
They don't understand it either.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN
THIS FIELD"... I am pleased to feed you bullshit.

v v v v v

submitted by:  WaltWiso

 v v v v v

submitted by  BADVETTE87

Dear employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department
areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.  Under
this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement,
thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our
future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel)

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records
before actual retirement takes place.  This review phase of the
program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired
Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal
with upper management.

The appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get:
H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance)
or C.L.A.P. (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any
employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S. or C.L.A.P. will no longer be
SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board
that the company will continue its policy of training employees
through our: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees recieve.  We
have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company in this
area..  If any employee feels they do not recieve enough S.H.I.T. on
the job, see your immediate supervisor.  Your supervisor is specially
trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

 v v v v v

submitted by:   BADVETTE87

 v v v v v

 "In the closet" in Hollywood means you don't          
              want anyone to know you're Republican.             


           The Top 8 Ways Movies Would Differ Under an           
                    Obama/Biden Administration                   


8> Jon Voight's character mysteriously written out of "National
    Treasure 3."

7> Only inexperienced directors can get work.

6> Flying Nun debuts on the big screen, except this time it's her
    ears that give her lift.

5> Whitesploitation, including Caucasian actors dressing in drag
    in "Obama's Big Momma's House."

4> Hillary Clinton shows up on every set, trying to insert
    herself into the picture.

3> Remake of "Lord of the Rings" has Gandalf and Sarumon work out
    their differences in the first half-hour.

2> "Matrix 4" with Neobama. (He's "That One.")


             and the Number 1 Way Movies Would Differ
              Under an Obama/Biden Administration...                  


1> Socialist Muslim terrorists are now the *good* guys.

v v v v v

Oral Cancer Rates Rising Due to Virus Spread by Sex | ThirdAge Articles  

 Ten years ago, most of Dr. Brian Nussenbaum's oral cancer patients were men

over 60 who used tobacco and drank heavily.
Today, his patients with oral cancer look different. And so does the risky behavior that seems

to be leading to their cancer.  Things are changing!

Alcohol ... The Brain Shrinker | ThirdAge Articles

 The more alcohol an individual drinks, the smaller his or her total brain volume, according to a report

in the October issue of U.S. journal Archives of Neurology

Physical activity a recipe for better health - MayoClinic.com 

But it's sooooooo boring! 

v v v v v

MONSTER MUNCHIES

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1 cup Dry roasted peanuts -- unsalted
1/3 cup Butter or margarine
1 pound Marshmallows
1/2 cup Peanut butter
3 cups Puffed rice cereal
1 cup Apricots -- chopped
1 cup Raisins

DIRECTIONS:
In a large bowl, combine cereal, apricots, raisins and
peanuts. In a microwave safe 13"x9" dish, melt butter and
marshmallows on high for 2 minutes. Stir; add peanut butter,
cook on high 2 minutes longer. Stir until well blended, add
cereal mixture to dish and toss until well coated. Working
quickly with greased hand, form into balls, using about 1/2
cup of mixture per ball. If mixture begins to harden, cook
on high for 30 seconds, or until softened. If desired,
mixture may be spread in unbuttered 13"x9" dish and cooled
and cut into bars.

Yield: 1 dozen balls or 2 dozen bars

v v v v v

submitted by:  WaltWiso

 v v v v v

 There was a nervous patient whose imagination afflicted him with
all kinds of ills which never seemed to materialize. One afternoon
he staggered into the house. He was bent forward, and tottering to
a chair, and still curled into a half-moon shape, dropped into it.

"Honey," he gasped, "it's come at last. There was no warning. All
of a sudden he found he couldn't straighten up. and couldn't lift
his head."

When the doctor had arrived and looked over the patient, the wife
inquired, Is there any hope?"

"Well," the doctor said, "it will help a good deal if he can
unhitch the third buttonhole of his vest from the top button of
his trousers."

 v v v v v

 INTERNET SECURITY

The Importance of Full Virus Scans

A reader asks: My antivirus software says it has "real time" protection.

Since it's always monitoring for virus activity, do I ever need to run a

full virus scan on my whole system?

Well, the quick answer is yes. You still need to run a full virus scan about once a week.

Now, I'll give you the long answer with full explanations!

Most antivirus software provides two different functions. One of them is real time virus protection.

That type of protection means the system listens for virus type activity at all times.

If it detects something, it will identify the issue and remove the virus.

The second type of protection is the full system scan. Those types of scans will actually inspect every

file on your system for an infection. If it finds an infected file, it will handle the virus appropriately.

Many people think that since the system has real time protection, there's no need for the full system scan.

Since the system will detect virus activity, there's no point in scanning every file, right? Wrong!

Real time virus checking and full scanning work very differently and use different types of virus definitions.

The real time scanner will find many types of attacks happening at the time, but they will not find everything.

Real time protection looks for certain actions. If the action is not defined by the real time scanner,

the antivirus software will not find the attack.

On the other hand, the real time virus scanner does not look for actions. It scans the files looking for

certain codes that identify infected files. Many times, running the full system scan will detect viruses

that have not triggered the real time scanning. That's why it's important to run a full system scan quite often.

For all of the computers here in the WorldStart office, we run a full system scan once a week.

That ensures that any threats will be found within a reasonable amount of time.

On top of that, there are some antivirus programs that do full system scans whenever the system is not in use.

That type of scanning is by far the best. What that means is, the antivirus software does the real time scanning

and it also checks files for viruses when the system is idle. When you start using your computer,

the full scan stops and it then continues when you're done. That type of scanning ensures that a

full system scan is being done constantly and on a regular basis.

Until next time, stay safe out there, my friends!

~ Gary ~

worldstart.com

 v v v v v

  The Top 9 Unsettling Condiment Pack Conversation Starters    


9> This condiment intentionally left blank.

8> Use of this condiment will not decrease burning sensation
    during urination.

7> Don't forget to blame the dog.

6> Wanna see my Carrot Top impression?

5> Three cheers for White Power!

4> This ain't mayo.

3> Maalox is for weenies.

2> People in Darfur eat less than this each day. But by all
    means, enjoy your supersize meal. Fatass.


              and the Number 1 Unsettling Condiment              
                  Pack Conversation Starter ...                 


1> Fuck fortune cookies.

 v v v v v

submitted by:   indianagene

 v v v v v

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house
called a family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of
the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my
work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!!

v v v v v

submitted by:  WaltWiso

 v v v v v

An elderly couple was sitting on the out porch when the husband
turned to his wife and, "Muffin, I feel like making love tonight"

The wife replied, "Ok Ernest, I will let you, but be gentle
this time."

"But I am always gentle with you, dearest,"

"That's not true, she replied, "the last time you woke me up TWICE!" 

 v v v v v

As a lobbyist in Washington, DC, I'd just finished up a meeting
with a Congressman when I stopped to use the restroom.

After washing my hands, I stepped over to the hand dryer and
noticed that someone had taped a note to the machine.

The note said, "Push button for message from Congress."

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Stare At This


Very Hot


Wet Burger

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  Another issue on it's way to YOU! and

another one already in the making!  So meet us back
  here next week, same time - same place
 
  but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
  never,
  ever,
  EVER
  forget to
 
  keep on rockin'
  it's a state of mind
 
 
 
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