Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab

SMILE

I'm trying to smile - last weeks issue? I have no clue why my comments

were all run together. It's not how it was submitted.

Just so you know

AARRGGHHHHHHHHH

Please please - ya gotta stop sending me emails without checking WWW.SNOPES.COM

google the issue! I am constantly having to prove that emails to me are

false and this false information is being sent all around the Internet. I even got an

email (which first circulated about 10 years or more ago) about Bill Gates giving

us all some of his money! Puh leeeeeze! Thank you.

Lots of political cartoons - hope you enjoy them!

Be careful when surfing the Internet.

I have checked EACH link (except the NAUGHTY)

submitted to you and they are in working order as of this posting.

Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

PATRIOTIC POTATO SALAD

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1 pound blue potatoes
1/2 pound Yukon gold or creamer potatoes
1/2 pound red potatoes
1 tablespoon salt
1/4 tablespoon white wine vinegar
2 tablespoons grated onion
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons finely chopped oregano
1 tablespoon capers

DIRECTIONS:
Place potatoes in large saucepan; add water to cover. Stir
in 1-tablespoon salt. Bring to a boil over high heat;
educe heat to medium. Cook 20 minutes or until tender.
Drain; let cool. Cut into quarters. Place in large bowl.
In small bowl, combine vinegar, onion, mustard, one-half
teaspoon salt and pepper; pour over potatoes; toss. Add
olive oil, oregano and capers; gently toss again. Salad
may be served slightly warm. Salad can be prepared up to
24 hours ahead. Cover and refrigerate. Bring to room
temperature before serving.

Yield: 8 servings

v v v v v

I'm a big believer in unconditional love.
It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

At least it is until they don't love you
anymore -- then it's "Fuck you, too!"

v v v v v

Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml

v v v v v

I've always felt it's my personal touch that sets me apart from
those other brown-nosing climbers in my department. For example,
during my last performance review, I not only informed my supervisor
that his wife was a two-timing schemer, I also showed him the
photos of us to prove it.

v v v v v

Some people think I'm paranoid, but you never know when a rearview
mirror on your stationary bike will come in handy.

v v v v v

CREAMY ASPARAGUS SOUP

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
2 pounds thin, young asparagus
2 cups low-salt chicken broth (canned is fine)
2 cups heavy cream
1/4 cup chopped chervil or parsley, finely chopped
salt and pepper to taste
nutmeg

DIRECTIONS:
Snap tough ends off the asparagus and cook the spears in
boiling salted water until tender, about 5 minutes. Drain.
Reserve four tips for garnish and purée the remaining
asparagus in a food processor. Strain. Heat the asparagus
puree over low heat. Add stock, cream and chervil or parsley.
Heat and season with salt, white pepper and nutmeg. Ladle
into bowls and top each serving with a reserved asparagus
tip.

Yield: 4 Servings

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Weekend in New York: Libraries - A Bookworm’s Holiday - Travel - New York Times

http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/01/13/travel/13weekend.html?8td&emc=td
EVERYONE knows libraries are not just about books anymore, but no one knows

it better that the women at the main information booth of the New York Public Library

at 42nd Street and Fifth Avenue.
A bleak winter weekend is a great time to haunt the city’s libraries, when

they seem to serve almost as much as museums and performance halls as

repositories of the written word.

An Arizona Road Trip on the Edge of America - New York Times

http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/01/11/travel/escapes/11american.html?8td&emc=td)

AS you enter the Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument in southern Arizona,

it’s not the park’s namesake plant, thick with a cluster of many branches,

that inspires gasps of awe, but thousands of saguaro, the iconic tall cactus of countless Western films.

Upright and lanky, with whimsically outstretched arms, one after another the saguaros wave you in.

v v v v v

I knew it was time to get outside a bit when the number of birthday
greetings I received from websites I belong to far outnumbered
those I received from real people in my life.

v v v v v

When my sister takes her kid to the mall, she puts him on one of
those kiddie leashes so he doesn't get lost. How creepy is that?
Personally, I think he'd be much safer and happier if she left
him at home in his crate.

v v v v v

The father of a college student was passing thru the son's college
town late one night on a business trip. He thought he would pay
a surprise visit on the boy.

Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After
several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a
second floor window.

"Whattya want?"

"Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father.

"Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch like
usual, and we'll take care of him in the morning."

v v v v v

Setting Desktop Colors in Windows Vista

http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4696.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature

Vista ships with eight prebuilt designer color schemes, with Aero
being the scheme of choice. You can change to a different
designer scheme or invent one all your own. More

v v v v v

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says it
is half empty. The nurse says, "Just shut up and finish filling
the bottle so we can do your drug test."

v v v v v

My family was celebrating a good mood at a fancy steakhouse. As
our waiter stood there ready to take our orders, I was caught
up in listening to the background music that was piped into the
restaurant.

"What 'CD' is this?" I asked him.

Apparently my East Texas accent confused him, because he looked
at me for a moment, leaned over, and answered, "Fort Worth."

v v v v v

On our way to the ski hill, my friend's children decided to "find
me a man" by the end of the day.

The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried and
to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone and therefore,
in their minds, single.

To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission and
charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair lift. As
I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman close to my age said
"Excuse me, but are you single?"

Groaning inwardly, I said, "Yes, but despite what you may have
heard, I'm really not looking to get married."

He looked at me oddly. "All I want is someone to share the chair
lift with."

v v v v v

Today's Comic

v v v v v

They just busted a prostitution ring that was run from an auto
junkyard. I'll bet they had a self-service area where you could
pull your own parts.

v v v v v

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one
week and found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically.

"Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.

The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten
minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you
down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp --
ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter,
landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here
piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss,
obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

v v v v v

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Apparently, though, not when
used as a suppository.

v v v v v

Sony Narrows Japan E-book Focus From PCs to Phones
Cellular-News - UK
This decision reflects the rapid shift of the content delivery market in Japan from PCs

to cell phones and could be a harbinger of a broader trend in the ...

Warren Twp. High students get to keep their cell phones
Chicago Daily Herald - Chicago, IL, USA
As part of Warren District 121’s policy governing electronic devices, students may bring the

cell phones to school provided they keep them off and out of ...

Are cell phones ruining the concert experience?
PopMatters - Chicago, IL, USA
“As a performer, it’s frustrating to look out and see a sea of cell phones instead of faces,”

says Sleater-Kinney guitarist Carrie Brownstein. ...

Black market of cell phones in Azerbaijan reaches AZN 40 mln
Today. Az - Azerbaijan
He said the research of cell phone market of Azerbaijan showed that volume of illegal market of

cell phones in Azerbaijan nears 40%, which is AZN 40 mln. ...

v v v v v

The U.S. Treasury has redesigned the $20 bill twice, yet never
bothered with the $1 bill because its denomination is considered
not worth counterfeiting. Personally, I think they're overlooking
the crucial strip-club factor.

v v v v v

My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four
state troopers and a dog

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Crjde080606

v v v v v

A lawyer was asked if he would like to become a Jehovah's Witness.

He declined, stating that he hadn't seen the accident.

He did say, however, that he would still be interested in taking
the case.

v v v v v

Over the weekend, my computer was infected by a virus -- the one
where, when you open it, it drinks all the beer in your fridge
and gets all sleazy with your woman. No, wait... never mind.
That was me.

v v v v v

Scrabulous | An amazing word game enjoyed by millions of players!
Scrabulous is the coolest word game enjoyed by millions of users! Besides regular Scrabulous, y

ou can also play Scrabulous over emails, get an adrenaline rush with Scrabulous Blitz, or just practice with the computer.

Registration and all games at Scrabulous are FREE. So signup now and have hours of fun with your friends,

and people from all over the world. You don't have to download any software or install applications to play Scrabulous.

submitted by: jacksinfla

Animax Entertainment - Play Tic-Tac-Toe - Free TicTacToe Game

You begin by clicking on one of the boxes and then a question appears. If your

answer is correct, that box will get an X. If incorrect, an O. I am sure you

know how you win!

v v v v v

Some people hate mornings, but I like to think of them as a sign
that I haven't yet died in my sleep.

v v v v v

It's great that the letters in Jim Morrison's name can be rearranged
into a cool nickname: "Mr. Mojo Risin'." My friend Bart Enos is
stuck with "Bear Snot."

v v v v v

submitted by: BillieJo50

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The Top 25 Famous Concert Attractions From the Past

25> AC/BC

24> The Dead Lincolns

23> Jefferson Hot Air Balloon

22> Aeroblacksmith

21> The Rolling Stonehenges

20> Bruce Springstone and the Road to Damascus Band

19> The Chaste-Kiss Pistols

18> Earth, Wind and Yellow-Orange Heat Demon Who Make Ogg Die

17> 100 Ha'penny

16> Smokesignalhead

15> Funeral Carriage for the Fair One

14> Mastodonna

13> Hominidz II Men

12> Foul Afylum

11> The Knave Clark Five

10> Mott the Hoopskirt

9> The Velvet Undergarments

8> Loggins and Messiah

7> Rage Against the Cobblers' Guild

6> Huns 'n' Roses

5> Little Richard the First

4> Tom Petticoat and the Bodice-Breakers

3> The Village Idiot People

2> The Flu Fighters

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Famous
Concert Attraction From the Past...

1> Counting Cro-Magnons

v v v v v

Man, they are so strict at my new job. It's constantly: "No
personal calls," "Don't surf the Web," "Put your pants back on."
I mean, who can work in an environment like that?

v v v v v

Create a Log On Message

worldstart.com

Windows Vista supports a local security policy that includes many options for securing your computer.

One of the security options included allows you to create a message text that will appear when users

attempt to log on to your computer. Your message text may say something like,

“The local policy of this computer logs all unsuccessful log on attempts.” Of course,

there is no guarantee that once an attacker sees this message, they are going to turn and walk away,

however, each security precaution you take helps in the end.
If you want to create a message text, here is what you have to do:

1.) Click Start, All Programs, Administrative Tools and then Local Security Policy.
2.) Expand Local Policies and then select Security options.
3.) In the Details pane, double click on "Interactive log on: Message text for users attempting to log on."
4.) Type in the message you want to appear.
5.) Click OK.

v v v v v

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job,

but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million.

134 million are retired. That leaves 103 million to do the work.
Of this there are 49 million employed by the federal government, leaving 52 million to do the work.

5.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 46.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 34,800,000 people who work for state and city governments and that leaves

11.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 1,880,000 people in hospitals, leaving 9,520,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 9,519,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!

v v v v v

TASTY TURTLE BROWNIES

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
FIRST INGREDIENTS: For brownie layer
4 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 large eggs
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

SECOND INGREDIENTS: For caramel-pecan layer
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup light corn syrup
3 tablespoons water
1/3 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups pecans (6 ounces)

For garnish if desired: 1 ounce semisweet chocolate

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add butter and flour a 9-inch
square baking pan, tap off and discard the excess flour.

Make brownie layer:
In a heavy 1 1/2-quart saucepan melt chocolate and butter over low heat, stirring, until smooth and remove pan from heat.

Cool mixture to lukewarm and stir in brown sugar and
vanilla. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well with a wooden spoon until mixture is glossy and smooth.

In a bowl sift together flour, baking powder, and salt and add to
chocolate mixture, beating just until batter is combined well.

Spread batter evenly in pan and bake in middle of oven 30 to 35 minutes, or until a tester comes out clean.
Cool brownie layer completely in pan on a rack.

Make caramel-pecan layer:
In a heavy 3-quart saucepan bring sugar, corn syrup, water, and a pinch salt to a boil over moderate heat,

stirring until sugar is dissolved, and boil mixture, without stirring, until it turns a golden caramel.

Remove pan from heat and carefully add cream and vanilla (mixture
will bubble up and steam). Stir in pecans and quickly pour
mixture over brownie layer, spreading evenly. Cool brownies
completely in pan on a rack.

For Garnish:
In a double boiler or metal bowl set over a saucepan of barely simmering water melt chocolate,

stirring, until smooth and remove top of double boiler or bowl from heat.
Transfer chocolate to a small sealable plastic bag.

Squeeze chocolate into one corner of bag and with a sharp knife cut a tiny slice off corner to form a small hole.
Squeeze chocolate decoratively over brownies.

Chill brownies, loosely covered, until caramel is firm, at least 4 hours.

Cut chilled brownies into 16 squares and remove from pan while still cold. Let brownies come to
room temperature before eating. Brownies keep, covered and chilled in one layer, 5 days.

v v v v v

Today's Comic

v v v v v

When one of the prostitutes passed away, the girls moped
disconsolately around the house.

"Good old Gloria," lamented one. "She could handle twenty men
a night, drink a fifth of whiskey and still have the strength
to roll five drunks."

Hearing this, one of the others burst into tears.

"Why is it," she sobbed, "that a girl has to die before
anyone says anything nice about her?"

v v v v v

Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?

A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

v v v v v

Deciding Where to Put Your Water Garden
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/Deciding-Where-to-Put-Your-Water-Garden.id-4941.html?cid=articleFeature

When deciding on the type of water garden to have, first consider
where you'd like your garden to be. Even before you go shopping,
you need to evaluate the area where you'd like to put a water
garden and determine its basic requirements. More

June Gardening Tips

1. Get supports (cages, stakes, bamboo poles, etc.) and Velcro tape ready to hold the lush

2. summer growth of top-heavy or weak-stemmed plants like tomatoes, lilies, monkhoods, delphiniums, and dahlias.

3. Fertilize your annual flowers and veggies. Fertilizers with high percentages of phosphorus

4. (the middle number in NPK) promote flowering. Organic gardeners can use minerals, compost, and compost tea.

5. Volunteer to help maintain gardens at a school, church, or retirement community.

6. Summer is when they need the most help with maintenance and watering,

7. and it's a great opportunity to beautify your community and make new friends.

v v v v v

Activated from the Army Reserves for a joint service Arctic
exercise, I was assigned to the air reconnaissance section.
Although I had recently been promoted, I was feeling rusty, and
wanted to get started learning my duties so as not to appear too
"green."

I confided to the Air Force lieutenant colonel who greeted me
that I was anxious to meet the Air Boss right away. "Don't worry,
son," he said reassuringly, "the Air Boss is a real professional,
knows his stuff cold and works well with his people. Great guy."

"Terrific!" I replied. "What's his name?"

Looking through the roster, the welcoming officer replied, "O'Hara."

"Oh, no," I groaned. "That's me."

v v v v v

Even though I'm well into my 30's, I still stop by my parents
house to mow their lawn. One afternoon the young kid next door was
cutting his grass at the same time. "It's punishment for skipping
a day of school," he explained. "Why are you still doing your
folks' yard?"

"Because I once cut a class when I was your age," I said, trying
to keep a straight face.

I'm told he's had perfect attendance ever since.

v v v v v

Crsou080607

v v v v v

TOP TEN SIGNS GAS PRICES
ARE GETTING TOO HIGH

10.Can now swap farm animals right at pump as barter for fuel.

9. Putting "kick me" sign on back of car as alternative way to get down road.

8. Super heroes now car pooling to fight villains.

7. Wildest police chases videos now reduced to about a block and half, then "Adam 12" reruns.

6. Construction begins on giant, downhill Hotwheels tracks.

5. Church tithes hiked for third time in four weeks to keep church bus going.

4. To reduce drag, Jethro drives under low bridge, cleans Granny off top of truck.

3. Blood conveniently taken from arm right at pump.

2. Mortgage bankers set up tables at gas station entry for easy funding of fill-up.

1. New hybrid vehicle, "Schwinn Prius"

v v v v v

There was once a beautiful amateur astronomer. All the extra money
she made as a model on television was spent to feed her passion for
looking into the night sky at the stars. She was fascinated with
every twinkle up in the night sky. Every night she would sit with her
telescope and squint into her 20 inch telescope. And every night her
dependant boyfriend would ask her not to screw her eyelids up like
that. Eventually she could no longer model. "Wrinkle Wrinkle, it'll
Scar."

v v v v v

The Top 20 Sex-Themed Reality Series

20> Rear Factor

19> Celebrity Tit Club

18> What Not to Bare

17> Rock Star: Barenaked Ladies

16> Oh, Brother! Big!

15> Extreme Bangover

14> Pimp My Bride

13> Dog the Booty Humper

12> Nailing the Band

11> My Life on the Emperors Club VIP List

10> Who Wants to Touch Courtney Love?

9> R. Kelly's Kid Nation

8> Who Wants to Bone My Dad?

7> Last Colonic, Standing

6> Knocking Up the Kardashians

5> Queer Guy for the Queer Guy

4> The Mohel

3> Hymenbusters

2> The Appendage

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sex-Themed Reality Series...

1> Project Threeway

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submitted by: pavanco1

Organic Pet Nutrition - Organic Olive Extract Products For Your Dogs Aching Joints

Free, y'all

Senior Cats: Comfort and Joy in the Golden Years

http://www.drsfostersmith.com/pic/article.cfm?c=3261&aid=1211&ref=4609&subref=AA&cmpid=E-_-C-_-12308-_-P2
As cats move into the senior phase of their lives, they may be less apt to jump up to an elevated perch,

more fussy at mealtime, and less interested at playtime. Cats move into this phase between 8 and 12 years of age,

and though it pains us to see our beloved family member change,

there are several important things we can do for him to make the transition easier and keep him in optimal health.

By making good nutritional choices, using appropriate medications and supplements,

and incorporating exercise into your cat's daily routine, you can make his senior years more joyful and comfortable.

A dose of canine companionship may be just what the doctor ordered.

More and more research shows that time spent with pets can be therapeutic. In a recent study,

brief visits from dogs helped brighten the moods, calm the fears,

and improve the cardiopulmonary function of patients hospitalized for heart failure.

Next time you are recuperating from illness, boost your well-being by scheduling some time with your favorite furry friend.

v v v v v

The Top 9 Signs The Vet's Office Is A Former Victoria's Secret

9> They don't have a dog run, but they do have a catwalk.

8> Forget that plastic cone; pets are sent home post-op with a
lacy bra cup around their neck.

7> The hamster bedding is shredded lace reeking of perfume.

6> Poochie's hip-support harness lifts and separates.

5> The vet tech is wearing a pink bustier and boy shorts under a sheer lab coat.

4> The animals are sorted according to size, with the largest
ones hidden in the back.

3> Your dog's eye patch looks suspiciously like a discontinued thong.

2> Expected: Lots of fur.
Unexpected: Lots of *pink* fur.
      and the Number 1 Sign The
   Vet's Office Is A Former
   Victoria's Secret...

1> "Would you like that neutering gift-wrapped?"

v v v v v

A pedestrian is someone who thought there
were a couple of gallons left in the tank.

v v v v v

Tmssa080605

v v v v v

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.

"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today", the caller said.

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette"

v v v v v

CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
4 1 oz. slices French bread
Vegetable cooking spray
1/2 ts Garlic powder
2 lb Boneless chicken breasts
1/3 c Fresh lemon juice
1/4 c Red wine vinegar
1 tb Olive oil
1/4 ts Fresh ground pepper
5 cl Garlic
9 c Romaine lettuce
1/4 c Grated parmesan cheese

DIRECTIONS:
Trim bread crusts and discard.Cut bread into 1 inch cubes.

Place cubes in a single layer on a baking sheet. Coat cubes with cooking spray; sprinkle with garlic powder; toss well.
Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or until lightly browned and set aside.

Coat a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray; place over med- high heat until hot. Add chicken
halves; saute 6 minutes on each side or until well done. Remove chicken from skillet;

let cool. Cut chicken across the grain into thin slices; set aside. Combine lemon juice
and next 4 ingredients in container of an electric blender. Cover and process until smooth.

Add 1/4 cup of the lemon juice mixture to the chicken; toss gently to coat. In a
large salad bowl, place the lettuce. Drizzle remaining lemon juice mixture over lettuce and toss well.

Add the chicken mixture and cheese, and toss gently to coat. Serve with croutons.

Yield: 7 Servings

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submitted by: pavanco1

http://www.termite.com/images/USASpiderChart.gif

Free /printable save to computer as a file and it will give you first aid instructions when you run your cursor over the spider...

summer is here, stay safe from SPIDER BITES

Spider Chart and First Aid advice in full color of dangerous and other spiders commonly found in USA –

features the brown recluse, black widow, hobo spider, mouse spider, wolf spider,

huntsman and many other spiders with notes to aid in identification and FIRST AID advice for spider bites.

Where Will You Be When You Have a Heart Attack? -- ThirdAge

People who suffer a life-threatening alteration in heart rhythms are more likely to survive

if they are in a casino or airport than if they are in a hospital, researchers say .
Doctors already knew that more than half of those who suffer such attacks in airports and casinos survive.

But a new study in hospitals shows that only a third of victims there survive –

primarily because patients do not receive life-saving defibrillation within the recommended two minutes.

The Grain That Builds Bone - RealAge Tip of the Day

http://www.realage.com/ct/eat-smart/food-and-nutrition/tip/5185

Brown rice contains one of the best kept secrets of bone health: magnesium.

Yes, calcium is still key when it comes to keeping bones strong. But magnesium –

something lots of older adults don’t get enough of -- is another bone builder your body needs.

And brown rice is a great source.

v v v v v

How did your evening with your new boyfriend go?"

"It was a disaster. We were nude in bed in heavy foreplay and he
had a premature ejaculation."

"What did he say when it occurred?"

"He just said I was the loveliest girl he had ever come across."

v v v v v

One fine day at school, the teacher was teaching all the students
about the heart. After she had finished she said, "If any one has any
doubts about what I have thought please ask." Little Bobby stands up
and asks, "Teacher, does the heart have legs?"

She replies, "no it doesn't. What makes you ask such a question?"

He says "Last night when I went into my parents bedroom I over heard my dad saying

SWEET HEART spread your LEGS"

v v v v v

submitted by: ron_stott

Handy Hint #1:

Bounce dryer sheets also repels mice ... spread some sheets
around the foundation areas of your home. In cars that are
just sitting, leave some sheets around the interior, they
will keep mice from entering your vehicle.

Handy Hint #2:

When your scissors are feeling a little sticky, and they
don't seem to be working good, spray on a little WD 40 in
the center where the metal comes together and the scissors
will work just great.

Handy Hint #3:

I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were
having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed
the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little
demons disappeared.

The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it
around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That
worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the
area around the food table, the children's swing area, and
the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave
home without it.....Pass it on.

Handy Hint #4:

Another way to clean up vomit was discovered by my husband
Don when he was the only one in the family not sick and
decorating the carpet. He just threw a generous amount of
kitty litter on it, let it dry completely, and vacuumed it
up. Clean, no smell and no hard work.

v v v v v

"I need to revise the death certificate I just handed you." my fellow doctor said to a nurse I was working with.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's a little embarrassing," he said. Then, pulling her aside, he whispered,

"I was in a hurry when I signed it and, well, I accidentally wrote my name under "Cause of Death."

v v v v v

The Top 15 Sex-Themed Reality Series
(X-rated)

15. Deadliest Snatch

14. Fear Fuct'er

13. So You Think You Can Fuck

12. The Biggest Spooger

11. America's Funniest Bukkake Videos

10. Choad Rules

9. Hair Pie for the Straight Guy

8. Fellating Spouses

7. Who Wants to Fellate A Multi-Millionaire?

6. Making the Band Cum

5. The Amazing Facial

4. My Big Fat Humongous Penis

3. Queer Mouth for the Straight Guy

2. Spunk'd

and the #1 Sex-Themed Reality Series...

1. Survivor: Clitoria

v v v v v

submitted by: DeVulcano

Click here: YouTube - Middle Aged Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1TVOXdNkFo

It's all true too!

submitted by: jacksinfla

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/0504/WaterOnMars2_gcc.jpg

submitted by: BillieJo50

Daily Email Newsletter - Funniest Video of the Day

Watch the monkey play with the tigers! Too funny

v v v v v

JALAPENO CASSEROLE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
8 medium jalapenos, chopped.
3 cups Shredded Monterey Jack Cheese and/or cheddar cheese
2 med Tomatoes, peeled & sliced
4 large Eggs
1 1/2 cups Evaporated milk
1/4 cup Flour
1 teaspoon Salt
Sliced avocado and sour Cream for garnish

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly butter an 11x7 glass baking pan.

Arrange the peppers on the bottom of the casserole. Top with an even layer of the cheese and then
the sliced tomatoes. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs until they are frothy.

Gradually whisk in the evaporated milk, flour and salt. Carefully pour over the layers in the dish.
Bake 50- 60 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Serve in squares and garnish with sour cream and avocado slices.

v v v v v

Women-Owned Businesses the Hot Topic of 2008

It looks like 2008 is turning out to be The Year of Women in Business.

What is Equal Pay Day?

Equal Pay Day is a symbolic day that illustrates how far into the year a woman must work to

earn the same amount made by a man in the previous year. Equal Pay Day traditionally falls on a

Tuesday in April. Why a Tuesday? That's the day of the week that women's

earnings equal men's earnings from the previous week.

When Women Cry - Crying at Work - Crying a Sign of Weakness - Crying in the Workplace

It's a "thou shalt not" rule carved in stone that every woman carries in her heart:

You can't cry at work if you expect to be taken seriously and advance your career.

In the game of life, the act of shedding tears is akin to drawing the

'Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200' card in Monopoly.

v v v v v

The Top 9 Alternate Endings To The Mom-ism:
"Make Sure You Always Have Clean Underwear
On Because..."

9> ...eBay won't list 'em if they're dirty.

8> ...how do you expect to get on "Girls Gone Wild" wearing gray
granny-panties?

7> ...I haven't seen such skid marks since "Speed Racer."

6> ...You never know when, as an intern, you're going to find
yourself alone with the President.

5> ...because they're called Fruit of the Looms, not Fruit of the Tombs!

4> …when your stalker boyfriend mounts them on his wall like a
trophy, they should look nice.

3> ...trust me, all DEA cavity searches for drugs start with a
thong-check.

2> ...they'll be just slightly more appetizing when your fellow
fraternity brothers make you eat them, pledge-boy!

and the Number 1 Alternate
Ending To The Mom-ism: "Make
Sure You Always Have Clean
Underwear On Because..."

1> ...brown is for UPS uniforms, not underwear!

v v v v v

submitted by: sammy562
~ Three Stars ~_

(http://www.stinalisa.com/ThreeStars.html
The day the music died

If You Like Norah Jones... - About.com

http://jazz.about.com/od/norahjones/tp/ifyoulikenorah.htm

Singer and pianist Norah Jones has built a successful career by bridging jazz and pop.

Last year's Higher Ground hurricane benefit album featured her moving rendition of Randy Newman's

"I Think it's Going to Rain Today." And this month Jones plays on the self-titled debut by

The Little Willies. For adventurous Norah Jones fans who want to explore her jazzy side,

here are some other suggested artists (Comparison Shop at Pricegrabber).

v v v v v

A young man goes into the employment center in Rahway and sees a card advertising

for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details about this? he asks the man behind the desk.
"The job placement assistant clerk sorts through his files and replies, "Oh, yes! Here it is.

OK the job entails your getting patients ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear,

lie them down and wash their nether regions. Then you apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair,

rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of $85,000, but you're going to have to go to Warwick, RI.
"Oh, why? Is that where the job is?" he asks.

"Heavens no! That's where the end of the line is!"

v v v v v

Borg080606

v v v v v

EGGPLANT MARINARA LASAGNA

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
9 uncooked Lasagna noodles
1 medium eggplant
Olive oil flavored cooking spray
2 tsp. basil
2 tbsp. grated parmesan cheese
1 26-oz. jar marinara sauce
1/2 tsp. Italian seasoning
1 15-oz. container ricotta cheese
8 oz. shredded mozzarella cheese
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil for garnish

DIRECTIONS:
Cook lasagna according to package directions. Drain lasagna &
rinse with cold water. Meanwhile, preheat broiler. Trim ends
and peel eggplant; cut crosswise into 12 1/4- inch slices. Place
on foil-lined baking sheet; coat well with cooking spray. Broil
4 to 5 inches from heat source 5 minutes or until browned. Turn;
coat well with cooking spray. Broil 3 minutes. Remove from broiler;
sprinkle with basil and Parmesan cheese. Return to broiler; broil
1 minute or until cheese is golden brown. Remove pan from broiler;
let stand 5 minutes. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Combine marinara
sauce and Italian seasoning. Spread 1/3 of the sauce each in bottom
of a 9x13 baking dish. Layer 3 noodles over sauce; top with half
of ricotta cheese. Place eggplant slices over cheese. Repeat
layering with 3 more noodles, 1/3 of the sauce, remaining ricotta
cheese, last 3 lasagna pieces and remaining sauce. Bake for 40
minutes or until hot. Remove foil; sprinkle with 1 cup mozzarella
cheese. Return to oven and bake 5 minutes or until cheese is melted.
Let stand 5 minutes; cut in squares. Sprinkle with fresh basil.

Categories: Pasta, Main Courses, Vegetarian

v v v v v

Q. Why don't Mr. and Mrs. Smokey Bear have any children?

A. Because every time she gets hot, he hits her over the head
with a shovel and throws dirt on her.

v v v v v

PC World - PC World Downloads - Power To-Do List

http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,69923-order,1-page,1/description.html?tk=nl_ddxdwn

Is your bulletin board a mess of overlapping notes to yourself? What about your monitor--covered with stickies?

Do yourself a favor by giving this terrific task management program a try.
Power To-Do List lets you set up projects and enter individual tasks, or use a nifty Brain Dump

feature to simply list everything on your plate, then assign the tasks to projects.

If the default task properties don't meet your needs, you can rename two of them (Context and Assignee).

Once you've entered your projects and tasks, you can view them in several different ways, including by project,

importance, due date, next actions, and more. You can even add notes to each task and set reminder alarms.
This task manager is very easy to use, despite its wealth of features.

Its interface is intuitive, and the Brain Dump feature is especially quick and easy.

Power To-Do List would be just as useful for a busy sales manager as it would

for an overscheduled editor or a harried parent.

PC World - PC World Downloads - Puppy Animated Cursors_

http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,2761-order,1-page,1-c,cursors/description.html
Use the face of a smiling puppy as a cursor.

Ditch the hourglass for a puppy's lovable mug. Let Fido's smiling face and wagging tongue let you

know when you're in text mode or selecting Web links, when the computer's working in the background,

or anything else that your cursor would normally let you know. Choose between an animated bark,

smile, or just watch him bob his head back and forth.

PC World - PC World Downloads - Alternative Mouse Pointers_

http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,6218-order,1-page,1-c,cursors/description.html
Enlarge your mouse pointer using these easy-to-see mouse pointer schemes.

If you're tired of peering at a tiny mouse pointer, try these easy-to-see mouse pointer schemes.

The schemes include black, inverted, and standard versions of your mouse pointer,

and they're particularly helpful for laptop users and users with low vision.

v v v v v

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the
street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they
decided to go in together to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the
street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest
sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he
hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing
it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the
synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked
over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?"
But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old
Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and
Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac
and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your
enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses'
followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until
the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but
didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite
a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the
crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle,
as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that
"the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole
in its muff!ler... "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda .....

...."The Apostles were in one Accord."!!

v v v v v

Three guys go to a ski lodge. There aren't
enough rooms, so they have to
share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the
right wakes up and says, "I
had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably,
he's had the same dream, too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says,
"That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

v v v v v

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar
voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "Why there
are three doctors there already!"

v v v v v

Friends Of The heart- Emotions by Francine

Beautiful

Best friend Quotes

Father poems, hero poems and more

v v v v v

Minimize Mosquitoes...

One of our least favorite parts of summer is the arrival (or re-emergence) of mosquitoes.

This year is no exception. Eliminating sources of standing water is the most effective way of

keeping mosquito populations in check but it is sometimes impractical for gardeners.

Here are some good tips for dealing with standing water that can't be removed.

Drain or empty the water in dog bowls, wading pools and birdbaths at least once-a-week.
This will ensure egg-stage mosquitoes never have time to reach maturity.
Irrigate lawns and gardens carefully. Where soils have high clay content, for example,
irrigating slowly or irrigating several times lightly will allow the clay to absorb the water,
rather than causing puddles and runoff.
Stock ornamental ponds with mosquito larvae-eating fish, such as goldfish.
Remove in-water plants from the edges of garden ponds to allow fish
access to the larvae living and developing there.
Using a retail product to control mosquito larvae will be more effective and
less costly than trying to control the flying adults.

v v v v v

One night in Paris, an American tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe
late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last
person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.

The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.

"Would monsieur care for another drink?" asked the Frenchman.

"No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don't you send that
other fellow home?"

"Well, I should," said the other. Then, with Gallic logic, he added,
"But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again."

v v v v v

The Top 13 Products You Should
Leave on the Supermarket Shelf

(X-rated)

Hershey's Pisses

Kellogg's Poop Farts

Del Monkey Creamed Porn

I Can't Believe It's Not Butt-Butter!

Post Grope Nuts

Pepto Jizmol

'Nadsbury's Creme Eggs

Hostess Bukkakes

Cool Crotch Doritos

Swiss Piss Cocoa Mix

scroTUMS

Peter & Paul's All-Man Joy

2. Jiz Penis Butter

and the Number 1 Product You Should Leave on the Superkarket Shelf....

1. Chef Boysarformee h'O'les

v v v v v

Boil080522

v v v v v

Abe's son Morris arrived home from school puffing and
panting, sweat rolling down his face.

"Dad, you'll be so proud of me," Morris said,
"I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!"

"Morris, you are a stupid boy!" said Abe,
"You could have run behind a taxi and saved $12.00!"

v v v v v

submitted by: Devulcano

v v v v v

The Top 10 Differences If Postal Worker
   Uniforms Came From Victoria's Secret

10> National pastime of griping about "junk mail" now replaced
with complaining about "male junk."

9> "Going postal" now results in being registered on Megan's List.

8> That 22-year old trying to put herself to modelling school
would very seldom have to ring twice.

7> Restraining orders complicate postal deliveries as letter
carriers are no longer allowed within 500 yards of most homes.

6> Fewer dog bites, more leg humping.

5> Neighborhood dogs chasing the delivery girl would be outrun by
the neighborhood boys.

4> Stamps now sold in $1 increments so that you can tuck them
into the carrier's garter.

3> FedEx inks a deal with Frederick's of Hollywood, will now be
known as FredEx.

2> Disgruntled workers wouldn't have anywhere to hide the rifle.

and the Number 1 Difference If
   Postal Worker Uniforms Came
From Victoria's Secret...

1> "What can Brown do for you?" is now seriously unflattering.

v v v v v

How can I find out what name my computer is listed under? I think I may need to change it. Thanks for all your help!

A:
What an excellent question! In all actuality, your computer should be registered under your own name

(or maybe someone else in your family), but if you're not completely sure, there's a simple way you can check it out.

To see your computer's name, go to your desktop and find the My Computer icon.

Right click on that and choose Properties. That will bring up a box

with several tabs listed. Find the Computer Name tab and click on it.

Once that opens, you will be able to see the name your computer uses. You will first see the computer description,

which is probably just something you put in when you first got your computer.

Or, maybe you got your computer from someone else and the description hasn't been changed yet.

If you want to type something else in for that area, you can go ahead and do that now. Next,

you will see the full computer name and the workgroup name (if you have one).
If you would like to rename your computer, simply click on the Change button and type in the correct name.

When you're done, click OK twice It's as simple as that! So, if you ever need to change your computer's name again,

you now know an easy and fast way to do it. Yes!

~ Erin

www.worldstart.com

v v v v v

A rather cocky U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm
and talked with an old farmer in New Hampshire .

He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm.'

The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't go in that field right over yonder.'

The Agriculture representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the
United States Government with me. See this badge? This badge means I am
allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or
answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores.

Half an hour later, the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep
running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize
bull. The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the farmer immediately threw down his tools,
ran to the fence and shouted out,

'Your badge! Your badge! Show him your badge!'

v v v v v

Car Talk

http://www.cartalk.com/menus/info.html

Test drive notebook, car talk auto advisor, secret tricks of car salesmen,

new can incentives,

hybrid electric vehicles, guide to alternative fuels and so much more

CARFAX - Vehicle History Reports on all used cars, just enter your VIN!

Order a CARFAX Vehicle History Report... the first step to protecting
yourself against buying used cars with costly hidden problems.
CARFAX searches its nationwide database and provides a detailed
vehicle history report in seconds. Just enter your VIN below.

v v v v v

The long-awaited day came at last when Mother took us to the station to
welcome Father home from the war. My brother Barry, who had been very small
when Father went overseas and couldn't remember what he looked like, was
watching everything intently.

As the soldiers left the train, they marched past the roped-off crowds. Father
was the first to come by. Mother called to him and he broke ranks to greet us.

We were overjoyed to have Father home again, and everything went smoothly
until later in the day when Barry misbehaved and Dad scolded him.

Barry glared at him, then turned to Mother and demanded indignantly, "Did you
have to pick the first one you saw?"

v v v v v

Red Roses

Music Of My Heart

Just Tomorrow

v v v v v

The Top 10 Worst-Selling Items at Frederick's of Hollywood

10> The "A.I." walking, talking teddy

9> Macaulay Culkin's "Home Alone!" self-gratification kit

8> John Bobbitt adjustable dildo

7> Roman Polanski's "30 Going on 13" pubic hair-removing cream

6> The Jack Palance one-handed pushup bra

5> Corsets by Calista!

4> Robin Williams' crocheted crotch-hair nightgown

3> "Jurassic Park" brontosaurus-size vibrator

2> Britney Spears crotched panties

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Worst-Selling
Item at Frederick's of Hollywood...

1> "The American Public" brand anal lube, by OPEC

v v v v v

submitted by: BADVETTE87

The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'

'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'

'The one at your house, Senior! A candle fell and the

curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed

because of a candle?!'

'Yes, Senor Rod.'

'But there is electricity at that house! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, Senor Rod,'

'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!'

'Your wife's, Senior Rod. Se showed up very late one night and I

thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Taylor Made

Super Quad 460 golf club.'

-- SILENCE..........L O N G SILENCE --

'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!'

v v v v v

What'll You Drink? Clear Spirits, Dark Spirits

http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-5576.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature

All spirits (vodka, rum, tequila, bourbon, and so on) fall into
one of two broad categories: clear spirits and dark spirits.
Clear spirits are the ones you can see though; dark spirits range
in color from warm amber to deep brown. More

Do You Prefer Lager or Ale? - AOL Hot Searches

http://hotsearches.aol.com/2008/03/04/do-you-prefer-lager-or-ale/
St. Patrick's Day is such a festive holiday. So many people, whether Irish or not,

celebrate the holiday with parades, folk dancing, shamrocks, leprechauns and of course, green beer.

With the all the festivities that lead up to this eventful day,

I thought it would be interesting to find out what the top searched beer brands are on AOL.

Do you know how beer is classified? Basically, there are two types: lagers and ales.

These two categories of beer differ in the type of yeast used to brew them and

the temperature at which they are brewed.

v v v v v

CHOCOLATE CHIP CHEESECAKE DIP

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1/2 c Raisins
1 tb Brandy
2 c Cream Cheese; Softened
1/2 c Whipping Cream
1/2 ts Vanilla Extract
1/4 c Dark Brown Sugar
1 ts Cinnamon; Ground
1/2 c Mini Chocolate Chips
1 x Cinnamon; Ground

DIRECTIONS:
Mix the raisins and brandy (making sure all the raisins
are coated) and let soak for 15 minutes. In another bowl,
beat the cream cheese and whipping cream until well
blended and smooth. Add the vanilla, mixing well. Blend
in the brown sugar and cinnamon. Mix in the "slushed"
raisins and chocolate chips, blending well. Garnish with
a light dusting of cinnamon. Serve at room temperature.
DIPPERS: Graham Crackers, Honeydew Melon, Strawberries,
Peaches, Dried Fruit, Pound Cake Cubes

Yield: 6 Servings (about 3 3/4 cups of dip)

v v v v v

         As rising gas prices twist the arms of consumers
ever more tightly, presidential candidates Hillary
   Clinton and John McCain have proposed providing
relief by suspending the federal excise tax --
what's being called a gas-tax holiday. "How might
   the TV world mark such a holiday?" we wondered.

The Top 8 Gas-Tax Holiday TV Specials

8> Free to Be... Driving Cheaply

7> 'Twas the Night Before Prices Went Up Again and the Line of
Cars at the Pump Was Around the Block

6> It's a Wonderful Siphon

5> How the Grinch Stole Memorial Day Oil Profits

4> It's Election-Year Pandering, Charlie Brown!

3> Santa Claus Is Coming to Town Using Alternative Transportation

2> Grandma Got Run Over by a Hybrid

and the Number 1 Gas-Tax Holiday TV Special...

1> All I Want for Summer Is My Two HumVees

v v v v v

Deep080605

v v v v v

I wear a diamond ring that reminds me of the capital of Arkansas -

Little Rock

v v v v v

The Top 9 Movies By Victoria's Secret

9> Death And The Maidenform

8> Sisterhood Of The Traveling Crotchless Panties

7> The Devil Wears A Seamless, Lacy Demi-Cup Bra, Size 38-C

6> Briefs On Counter

5> King Thong

4> An Inconvenient Underwire

3> In the Garter of Good and Evil

2> Ghostbustiers

and the Number 1 Movie By Victoria's Secret...

1> American History DD

v v v v v

Tim Russert - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bed, Bath and Beyond Bankruptcy? - The Chronic Consumer - I buy things — all the time!

submitted by: BillieJo50

glumbert for the wii

WOWOWOWOWOW - simply W O W

Do Not Try This At Home - The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Unless you want to buy 2000 boxes of corn starch and a giant tub. Just when you think Steve Spangler

The Science Guy has shown you the coolest thing ever, he shows you something even cooler!

Video Gallery - The Ellen DeGeneres Show

More good stuff from Ellen

submitted by: SHAYNABUTTONS

Free Clip Art, Free Graphics, Paper Crafts Printables, Coloring Pages, Scrapbook Borders and Word Art

Whoa - tons of clip art - graphics for all kinds of holidays and whatever!

2. all the latest from heavensville...: The Boogie Woogie Done Right....

This is fantastic!

ahTXT - Real-Time eBay Auction Montioring Activity On Your Mobile Cell Phone via Text SMS Messages

It's no secret that times are tough. So, if you're looking for ways to save—or make—money, you're not alone.

Maybe you're turning to eBay. It's a great place to sell stuff that you no longer need. Plus, you'll find great deals on things you want.

There's just one problem with eBay. To succeed, you need to stay on top of the items you're selling.

Must you sit in front of your computer, awaiting buyers' questions? Nope. You need only sign up with ah TXT.

The service will connect your eBay account to your cell phone.

You'll be notified of activity on your auctions. You can handle your eBay business without letting it consume your life!

You can get up and going with ahTXT in minutes. The site is a registered eBay Developer.

So, you can get the information without disclosing your eBay password.

v v v v v

Wplbe080606

v v v v v

One of the most popular machines at the gym is a bizarre-looking
contraption designed to strengthen your gluteus maximus. It might
seem like a frivolous California vanity thing to you, but it's
more practical than you think.

For example, if your spouse hogs all the bed covers, just clench
the sheet with your butt muscles and hold on. Your spouse will be
grunting and tugging while you appear to be sleeping peacefully,
never letting on that there's a struggle going on below the surface.

Or suppose you were kidnapped and your hands and feet were tied,
but you were smart enough to wear stretch pants. Your butt, properly
trained, can be a fierce fighting machine. With a little practice
you can learn to disarm a knife-wielding assailant.

A huge, muscular butt can also make you appear taller when you're
seated. That's a big advantage at business meetings. No one will be
the wiser until you stand up and butt-slap the overhead projector
against the wall when you turn to leave.

My husband started using the butt machine himself, with the ultimate
goal of making it easier to hold tools for home repairs. If you
have only two hands, and you're already holding a flashlight and a
screwdriver, you need at least one more set of opposable cheeks to
keep the pliers nearby. As a bonus, He figures it will discourage
our neighbor from borrowing his tools.

v v v v v

The top ten reasons nipple rings are a GOOD idea:

#10. You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain.

#9. You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys.

#8. With a little body english and a short copper wire, you can
pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right.

#7. You can now jump car batteries without cables.

#6. With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra
cash renting yourself out to Club parties.

#5. Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention
for your husband or boyfriend.

#4. You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring.

#3. Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life.

#2. Hanging ten is child's play. Hanging by two?? Now that's impressive!

#1. Hard vibrators can be "way more" than a girl's best friend.

v v v v v

The Thing About Life is That One Day
You'll Be Dead
by David Shields

"The structure of this book is not a random collage, but is rather deeply bound to the oldest of human plots—

birth to coming of age to middle adulthood to death. The fragments of this book's trajectory are made up of vignettes

about the narrator's own body and those of his immediate family, interlaced with statistics that do not shy away from blood and

pain and sex and the dumb actualities of our ever-changing corporeality, tumbling the reader splendidly forward,

toward the most common of human inevitabilities"

I learned some interesting facts but this book wasn't worth buying and reading.
I found the majority of it to be fairly boring. I don't recommend this -- except men who
have close ties to their fathers might like it!?

v v v v v

The top ten reasons nipple rings are a BAD idea:

#10. Perpetual delays at airport security scanners.

#9. Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers.

#8. A friend asks to see your ring and in a blonde moment you almost do it.

#7. For some reason, combs will seem like threats.

#6. Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option.

#5. Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things.

#4. You'll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares.

#3. The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning.

#2. Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures.

#1. Lightning... it's not just something that happens to other
people anymore.

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submitted by: BODRUMS57

Elizabeth's Sugar Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0733.html

Elves Quick Fudge Brownies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0045.html

Emily Dickinson's Gingerbread Cookie Recipe

(http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec1090.html

Emily's Best Brownies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0128.html

Famous Oatmeal Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec1183.html

Firemen Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0528.html

Fluffy Shortbread Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0615.html

Forgotten Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0112.html

Frosted Peanut Butter Brownies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec1020.html

Fruit Cake Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0023.html

Fruitcake Squares

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0024.html

Fry Pan Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0230.html

Gems

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0543.html

Ginger Cookies

http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0058.html

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Bill asks a woman out on a date after meeting her in a bar.

She says, "What kind of car do you drive?"

Bill replies " A VW Bug."

She scornfully says, "That's awfully small!"

Bill replies, "Don't worry, I'm not going to screw you with
the car."

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In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a
MacDonald's hamburger a couple of years ago.

Here is David Letterman's top ten MacDonald's excuses for the
condom in the Big Mac:

10. We were test marketing the new "McRibbed."

9. Condom, Condiment.....What's the damned difference.

8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe.

7. It was either there, or in the vanilla shake.

6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true.

5. We're experimenting with a new, even happier meal.

4. Employees too embarrassed to ask "Would you like a condom
with that?"

3. So what? A regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.

2. Drive-thru speaker broken: "Coke with lots of ice" sounds like
"Prophylactic device."

And the number one MacDonald's Excuse for the Condom in the Big Mac:

1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.

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Protect Yourself From PC Security Pitfalls

Contributing Editor
Lincoln Spector

Get rid of spyware, shrug off spam, and stay safe on unsecured public networks. ...

Read the complete column online:
Protect Yourself From PC Security Pitfalls

Analyze Your PC's Security
View the slide show

PC World - What ToDo 1.3.2

What ToDo 1.3.2
The number of programs out there designed to help you organize your to-do list is staggering—

and growing steadily. In just...
Read the story

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The wax museum just acquired a very good wax figure of ex prez
Bill Clinton. They had it arranged to show him in an authoritative
stance in front of several staff members set on a stage made up
like the oval office.

After the figure had been on display for
a couple of days, the museum employees were constantly having
to go in and rezip Bill's zipper, it kept falling to the 'down'
position. They even went so far as to sew it in place, but that too
met with some foul play, and the zipper was found ripped loose and
in the down position. So, to get to the bottom of this mystery, the
museum installed a hidden camera to catch the culprit. They did.
and it was more than just one.

During the course of one day no
less than 18 different women stepped into the exhibit, got down
on their knees, unzipped that zipper then placed their head on
'his' trousers and had a friend snap their photo.

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Macworld | Mac Gems | Anxiety 1.0

For many people, a new year brings a list of resolutions—those things we tell ourselves

we’re going to do over the next twelve months. Unfortunately, as the weeks go by,

many resolutions get pushed aside by lists of a more mundane persuasion: to-do lists.

In fact, keeping track of everyday tasks can become an undertaking in and of itself

(witness the popularity of Getting Things Done-like time-management systems).

For those of us who spend much of each day using a computer, an effective onscreen to-do program can be a big help.

A few years back, I reviewed ToDo X, which I liked because of its easy-to-use interface and its flexibility.

But as a standalone list tracker, one of its major limitations was that it didn’t integrate with OS X’s own to-do-list features—

then found in iCal and now, under Leopard, in both iCal and Mail.

A new offering, Model Concept’s ironically-named Anxiety 1.0 (; payment requested), adds such functionality,

as well as an up-to-date interface, resulting in a simple to-do tracker that does Leopard justice.

(Because Anxiety takes advantage of Leopard features—namely, the Calendar Store system—

the program doesn’t work with Tiger or older versions of Mac OS X.)

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A traveling buyer had been on a trip for three months. Every
few weeks he'd send a telegram to his wife saying: "Can't come
home. Still buying."

The wife stood it for a while, but when the fourth month started
and her husband still had no idea of returning, she decided to
do something.

She sent him a telegram. "Better come home. I'm selling what
you're buying."

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Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her
recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor. After a quick
examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you
been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough
exercise, and having your meals three times a day, as I advised
you on your last visit?" Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and
exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure been getting the first two, but on
that last one, I woulda swore you said three males a day!"

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submitted by: BillieJo50

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My new girlfriend absolutely LOVES my penis.
The thing is, my penis loves here, too,
and I'm actually getting a bit jealous
of all the time they spend together.

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This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass
during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out
and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the
air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so
she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper
right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner
out yourself."

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with
potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and
asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

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Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge
certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

--Ambrose
Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

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"Microsoft in the news. Microsoft is aggressively trying to stop
Yahoo! from striking a deal with Google. Experts are calling this
the nerdiest fight since 'Stargate' went up against 'Battlestar
Gallactica.'"

Conan O'Brien

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"According to Glamour magazine, it takes the average woman 11
minutes to get aroused. The problem is that by the time the average
woman is aroused the guy's been asleep for nine minutes."

Jay Leno

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Buy a vowel

Here!

Petting zoo

Here!

Miami Vice

Here!

He's got my eyes....

Here!

Surprise!

Here!

Will Work For Head

Here

Once A Day

Here

Obsession

Here

Oh Shit!

Here

Don't Worry Ma

Here

Something You Really Know....Rejection

Here!

We Reject Same Sex...

Here!

Relax Howard, it's not what you think!

Here!

Think your the first guy with a remote up your ....

Here!

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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty,

expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.

Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!

So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind

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©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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