Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet
BOOKS!
If there is something I love doing in my spare time (other than playing with
my dogs) it's reading. I hope you'll check out the Reviews each week and see if
there is something you might like to read. I just finished "Child 44" -- W O W
(the review will be in another issue)
Throughout the year, many communities offer special CPR events. To
find
out if there is an event near you, use the “Find Local Info” box in the top
right-hand corner of this
page. This will direct you to your local office’s page.
If there’s not a special CPR event that meets your needs, please contact
a
training center.
Find the links in the HEALTH section below.
Do you love finding a bargain? Find the SURFIN section below for some of
the
best bargain sites out there!
There is a website that allows you to spend quality time with
your grandchildren,
just as you would if you were visiting them. Enjoy one-on-one time together reading interactive books, playing games and doing activities -
all in real time! Find the link in the SURFIN' area too
Be careful when surfing the Internet.
I have checked EACH link (except the NAUGHTY) submitted to you and they are in working order as of this posting.
Always be aware of the risks
out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break
my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send
an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be
a wild ride!
PMS. Most people think it stands for
Pre-Menstrual
Syndrome. But what else might it stand
for?
The Top 5 Other Things
"PMS" Stands For
5> Pardon My Screaming
4> Prehistoric Mental Sabretooth
3> Prodigious Mood Swings
2> Please Medicate Spouse
and the Number 1 Other Thing "PMS" Stands For...
1> Pass My Shotgun
v v v v v
The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for
its
maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the
loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the
steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane
and took their seats.
The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the
airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman," a voice intoned as the
airplane lifted off. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully
computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run
electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go
wrong........nothing can go wrong......nothing can go wrong......"
v v v v v
Southern Belle
1/2 oz brandy
1/2 oz white creme de cacao
1/2 oz benedictine herbal liqueur
Pour the brandy into a pousse cafe glass. Tilt the glass to a
45-degree angle and slowly pour the creme de cacao
down the side of the glass so that it floats on the
brandy. Repeat this procedure with the Benedictine.
Southern Kiss
1/3 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
1/3 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1/3 oz pineapple juice
Pour all ingredients, in equal parts, into a shot glass. Stir and serve
v v v v v
The
Top 9 Clues Your Waiter/Waitress Is
Taking an Unnatural Interest
in Your Date
9> Waiter never notices your coffee cup is empty because he's too
busy noticing her cups are full.
8> When you get back from the ladies room, not only is the
Hooters waitress lap dancing your date, running her fingers
through his hair and suggesting that "we blow this taco
stand," she hasn't even taken your drink order yet.
7> He comes to the table and asks your date, "Will you be dining
alone this evening?" as his busboy removes your place
setting.
6> Hidden inside your date's slice of Key Lime pie is the key to
her apartment.
5> After handing you the check, thanking you, and wishing you a
pleasant evening, he asks your date if she'd care to have a
drink at the bar.
4> "Today's specials include the Orange Roughy, the Salmon Oscar
and Coc Au Greg."
3> She pours his wine, peppers his food, and then tends to his
meat.
2> She dips your napkin in your water to wipe gravy off his chin,
then wrings out the napkin over your coffee cup.
and the Number 1 Clue Your Waiter/Waitress
Is
Taking an Unnatural Interest in Your
Date...
1> As swank as the Italian restaurant may be, kissing up your
fiancee's arm is usually not standard operating procedure.
v v v v v
PC World - Top Sites for Bargain Hunters
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,141808/article.html?tk=nl_coxcol
Bargain-finding sites cater to many preferences--and the best have reality
checks in the form of user input.
Free Personality Quizzes, Relationship Quizzes, Love Quizzes, Trivia
Quizzes, Health Quizzes: LifeScript.com
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/quizzes.asp
TONS of quizzes - worth your time
PropertyRoom.com is an auction site specializing in items that were stolen and never claimed.
Bid on jewelry, electronics, bikes, tools, and a host of other stolen property.
The site, run by a former detective, cops its inventory from police property rooms across the country.
Are you going to get a bargain? It's hard to say; just as with eBay, you have to do your due
diligence and pay attention to bidding. For example, when I looked, a portable stove,
the kind you take on a camping trip, had a current bid of $24. I saw the same stove at Harbor Freight on sale for $20.
The site has hundreds of weird, useless, and intriguing products for sale.
You browse through the product line as you would a paper catalog--turn a page by grabbing the corner.
(You can also click the right or left arrow; it's quicker and easier if you use a touchpad.)
Double-click a picture to enlarge it; drag and drop to move; and double-click again to reduce the size.
In the lower-right corner, click on the cluster of squares to see all the pages; the Exit button is on the upper right.
For the left panel, you can add bookmarks, search, and pop up a contents menu. Too bad more Web sites don't try this style.
Refund Please - Helping you get a Price Drop Refund
There are a number of online retailers that offer to credit buyers back cash on past purchases.
For instance, if the product you purchased at Amazon.com within the last 30 days
has dropped in price they will credit you back the
difference.
That's great news!
The only problem is that you have to check the latest prices and then
notify them in order to get the credit.
Leading the growth and health of the toy industry
Welcome to Flickr - Photo Sharing
Share your photos!
San Francisco
Restaurants, Dentists, Bars, Beauty Salons, Doctors
Real people -- real reviews -- write a review, find a review, messaging and more
v v v v v
Amanpreet went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes,
a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on
to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome with
excitement, Preet agreed. When they got to the bedroom, Preet
exclaimed "Wow! A waterbed, I've never had sex on a waterbed
before."
Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde stopped him
and said, "Before we go any further, don't you think you should
put on some protection?"
"Good idea." he responded, and got up. Amanpreet walked out of
the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a life preserver."
v v v v v
v v v v v
Almost seven years ago I sat, as did millions of other Americans,
and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power.
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism as I watched George W.Bush take his oath of office.
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched
the Clintons board Air Force One for the last time.
I saw 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to
the outgoing President and first lady.
It was then that I realized how far America's military had
deteriorated under the Clinton administration.
Every last one of them missed.
v v v v v
The Top 6 Office Reality Shows
6> Expense Report Roulette
5> Who can clean the microwave?
4> Refrigerator Raiders
3> Survivor: Water Cooler Island
2> Are You Poorer Than a Fifth Grader?
and the Number 1 Office Reality Show...
1> Pimp My Resume
v v v v v
ProQuo - Stop Junk Mail and
Protect Against Identity Theft for Free
http://www.proquo.com/
Choose the paper mail you want. Stop the junk mail you don’t.
Your personal information is being collected, bought, and sold by
thousands of businesses every day.
Without your consent.
ProQuo helps you to remove your name and
personal information from thousands of marketing lists,
data brokers and other organizations that send you unsolicited mail.
v v v v v
A well-endowed woman entered a chic Madison Avenue boutique and
tried on every evening gown in the store. Finally setting eyes
on a very sexy, low-cut dress hanging in the display window,
she asked the exhausted sales clerk if she could try it on.
"Of course, madam," he muttered through clenched teeth, squeezed
into the window, and began the painstaking task of taking the
dummy apart to remove the gown. Eventually he succeeded and was
able to hand it over to the demanding customer.
"How do I look?" she asked, emerging from the dressing room.
"Does
it show off my superb breasts to advantage?"
"Oh, absolutely," the clerk assured her, "but do hairy chests
run
in your family?"
v v v v v
I used to think my older sister was possessed by a demon, what
with all the levitating, growling voices and head-spinning. But
then my parents explained that whole PMS thing to me.
v v v v v
Health-conscious Americans are eating more whole
grains,
legumes and high-fiber foods than ever, but the downside
to the dietary change has been an increase in flatulence.
And don't think Hollywood hasn't noticed this trend...
The Top 14 Movies About Flatulence
(Part I)
14> The Bean Identity
13> There's Smoke Rings About Mary
12> Evil Dead Toot
10> Run Silent, Run Deadly
9> Pull'dfinger
8> Das Poot
7> Field of Beans
6> Groundfog Day
5> An Inconvenient Toot
4> Blow Mama From the Train
3> O Brother, Why Fart Thou?
2> When Harry Let Smelly
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Movie About Flatulence...
1> Reekin' at Bernie's
v v v v v
Book Review Podcast - New
York Times
Every week, Book Review Editor Sam Tanenhaus talks to authors,
editors, critics and
senior editor and best-seller columnist Dwight Garner about new books. Music composed by Peter Rundquist.
The files below are in mp3
format, and instructions for subscribing to the weekly podcast are at the
site
girlfriendbooks.com the books you share with girlfriends
http://www.girlfriendbooks.com/
There is something very rewarding about reading a good book.
But with so little time and so many books,
how do you make sure to choose a good one?
Well, leave it to girlfriend
books!
We search out those great books for you!
Unpredictable
by Eileen Cook
"Sophie isn't crazy, she just wants her guy back.
And posing as a psychic to give his new girlfriend a fake reading designed to break them up isn't going overboard, is it? Don't answer that.
Faking psychic powers turns out to be fun, especially after a few lessons from Nick, the cute skeptic,
who teaches her all the tricks of the trade. But her readings do a lot more than she could have predicted.
Now she must decide whether to accept her rising stardom in a less-than-honest line of work-and
whether the best option is trying to rekindle her old flame or finding romance with someone new.
And, most importantly, she needs to figure out whether the answers lie in the stars-or in herself"
I enjoy serious books for sure but in between one of these is such fun. Lots
of laughs and smiles - I definitely recommend this book.
v v v v v
Scientists have said they may have figured out a way to travel
through time. For years now I've known of a potion that can let
you travel through time..it's called tequila.
v v v v v
"President Bush is in Europe right now. Today he is meeting with
Romanian Prime Minister Popescu Tariceanu. Or, as Bush calls him,
Pop Tart."
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
The Top 15
Euphemisms for "Getting Your Period
15> Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
14> Trolling for Vampires
13> A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
12> Saddling Old Rusty
11> Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
10> Clean-Up in Aisle One
9> Massacre at the Y
8> T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
7> Game Day for the Crimson Tide
6> Panty Shields Up, Captain!
5> Taking Carrie to the Prom
4> Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
3> Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
2> Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Euphemism for "Getting Your Period"...
1> Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
v v v v v
A New Mac Mini
The Mac Mini has been languishing for nearly a year without any major changes.
In January,
I predicted that Apple would merge the Mac Mini and Apple TV into
a combined product. Well, so much for that prediction... read more
Safari 3.1 Is New and Improved. No,
Really!
It's been a while since something as commonplace as a browser has piqued my
interest.
I tend to regard browsers as tools that should be more or less
invisible and...read more
- Rumors in the Wild
- Windows Switchers and New Mac
Users
- Get the Most Out of Your Mac
- Macs in Professional Use
- Running Windows on Your Mac
- Create Your Own Widgets
Using Boot Camp to Partition Your Drive
v v
v v v
"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away...
if your car could go straight upwards."
Sir Fred Hoyle
v v v v v
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing
around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman
said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and
lost weight all at the same time.
Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this
without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for
compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is
pregnant now."
v v v v v
v v v v v
"Boy, there is nothing but disasters in the news. It's unbelievable.
Floods in the Midwest, fires in Texas, the Democratic Party --
it's just unbelievable. To give you an idea how bad the Democrats
are doing, in a stunning reversal, John McCain now 10% ahead of
Hillary Clinton and 7% ahead of Barack Obama. And this is after
Iraq, a recession, and no health care. Imagine how far ahead he'd
be if the Republicans had actually done something."
Jay Leno
v v v v v
SPINACH STUFFED MUSHROOMS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
24 large white mushrooms
1/4 cup chopped shallots or onion
2 large cloves garlic, chopped
2 T balsamic vinegar
T Italian seasoning
1/4 cup water
1 10-ounce pack frozen chopped spinach- thawed and drained
DIRECTIONS:
Wash mushrooms and carefully remove stems. Lay out caps
on nonstick jelly-roll pan and pop in oven for 5-10 minutes
to dry out and cook slightly. Set caps aside. Chop the
mushroom stems finely. Saute shallots, garlic, and balsamic
vinegar in small saucepan. When onions start to turn
translucent add mushroom stems, water, and seasoning. Cook
a few minutes. Add spinach and cook till water is almost all
evaporated. Mound the spinach mixture onto the the mushroom
caps, pressing it into the caps. Lower oven heat to 300-350
degrees and bake for 10-15 minutes until hot and mushroom
caps are cooked.
v v v v v
submitted by: KP1983
Visit with Santa Claus at northpole.com
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0266.html
A cake that's fit for a queen
Visit with Santa Claus at northpole.com
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec1413.html
Amazing tropical fruit cake
Visit with Santa Claus at northpole.com
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0159.html
Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate chip cookie
v v v v v
"John McCain has not been using Secret Service protection. You see,
he has Life Alert."
Jay Leno
v v v v v
Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan,
I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was
very thorough, leaving nothing to chance.
One question asked, "Do you think you may need to go to the
emergency room within the next three months?"
v v v v v
A new article in 'Newsweek' is out talking about what it's
like
to be an atheist. I actually have a friend who's an atheist, and
married to a Jehovah Witness. Their kids are a little strange. They
go out and knock on doors but don't know why
v v v v v
STRAWBERRY STUFFED FRENCH TOAST
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup sliced strawberries
1/2 tsp. lemon juice
1/2 tsp. lemon zest
4 T sugar
4 - 1" thick slices of French bread
1 cup low fat milk
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. baking powder
4 egg whites
2 eggs
3 tsp. butter
fresh strawberries
strawberry or maple syrup
DIRECTIONS:
Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. Mix together the 1 cup of
strawberries, the lemon juice and zest and 2 T sugar. Set
aside. Cut bread slices in half and cut a slit in each
slice to form a pocket. Stuff with strawberries, secure
with toothpicks. Place slices in a 13" X 9" greased or
buttered baking dish. In a saucepan, combine milk, sugar,
vanilla, baking powder and eggs. Mix well. Pour over stuffed
bread, turning to coat. Chill for 30-60 minutes, turning
bread pieces occasionally. Grease another 13" X 9" inch
baking pan. Move bread pieces to this second pan and bake
for 3-6 minutes on each side. Serve warm with syrup and
additional strawberries.
Yield: 4 Servings
v v v v v
I bet it would suck to have a magic carpet if you were
obsessive-compulsive. There you'd be, flying and straightening
the tassels, flying and straightening the tassels....
v v v v v
If you didn't know, Windows Vista operates external hard drives that are
connected via
USB differently than internal drives. Write caching is disabled so that you can safely remove the drive at almost any time.
This is a great feature for USB flash drives that are frequently inserted and removed from your computer.
But, if you have a large hard drive in an external enclosure that you never disconnect from your computer,
write caching is also disabled, which can decrease performance. So, let's change that around a little, shall we?!
Today, I'm going to show you
a tweak that will increase the performance of your external hard drive by turning the write cache back on,
as well as, activating an advanced performance. Let’s get started!
1.) First, in Vista, right click on the Computer icon on your desktop and
select Manage.
2.) Click on Device Manager from the side menu.
3.) Next, expand the Disk Drives option and locate your external drive
from the list.
4.) Once you've found it, right click on the drive and select Properties.
5.) Under the Policies tab, select Optimize for Performance.
6.) Next, checkmark both the options of "Enable write caching on the
disk" and "Enable advanced performance," as shown below:
7. .) Hit OK and then restart your computer.
That's all you have to do. Now, go on and enjoy your increased
performance!
~ Ramachandran Kumaraswami
v v v v v
We are fortunate our grand-children live close by and visit
us often.
When our seven-year-old granddaughter, Morgan, comes over, she
loves to watch her grandmother when she is baking.
"Oma," she asked one day, "where did you learn how to
cook?"
She told her that she learned from her mother and passed on this
knowledge to her daughter. Someday, she continued, her mother will
pass on this knowledge to her.
There was a short silence, "No, I don't
think so," Morgan said. "Mom
puts everything in the microwave."
v v v v v
The other day as I was stopped at a traffic light, the guy in
front of me jumped out of his car and started pounding on my
hood, screaming about how the ointment wasn't working. The cops
who dragged him away told me it wasn't my fault -- it was just
another senseless incident of 'roid rage.
v v v v v
Vegetable
Gardens, Organic Gardens, and Vegetable Gardening 101 - Martha Stewart
If you understand the basics and plan accordingly, a vegetable garden can deliver lasting rewards.
Choose your favorite edibles, but also consider your climate, space, light, soil type, and budget.
If you're a novice, start on a small scale.
v v v v v
We were having dinner at Mexican Restaurant and the waiter
finally came to take our order. He began rattling off a list
of specials.
"Whoa," I interrupted. "I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish."
One of his arms dropped to his side, the other went to his
hip. "I was speaking English, you pendejo."
"Oh, sorry," I apologized. "You’re not going to shit in
my
burrito now, are you?"
He smiled. I ate light.
v v v v v
submitted by: BADVETTE87
Earl and Bubba, two old redneck boys, were quietly sitting in
a boat
on the
Tennessee River fishing, chewing and
drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna
divorce my wife -
she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'
Earl spits, sips his
beer and says: "Better think it over -
Women like that are hard to find".
v v v v v
submitted by: BADVETTE87
Who couldn't use a visit from the "Hot Sex Fairy"?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman
make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair
shiny and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin
into the bloodstream,
producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a
feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones.These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away.
Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the
level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
v v v v v
Pet Care Tips for Dogs, Cats and Other Pets - AnimalAttraction.com
Pets remain happy and healthy during the colder months by following these
simple guidelines.
* Don't leave dogs outdoors when the temperature
drops. Most dogs, and all cats, are safer indoors,
except when taken out for exercise. Regardless of the season, shorthaired, very young,
or old dogs and all cats should never be left outside without supervision.
Short-coated dogs may feel more comfortable wearing a sweater during walks.
* No matter what the temperature, windchill can
threaten a pet's life.
v v v v v
"Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a
local pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control
patches. They turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news,
her new baby is now down to a half a pack a day."
Jay Leno
v v v v v
Parenthood is amazing. At this time last year, I was just
an actuary. Today, I'm an actuary whose meals are routinely
interrupted by needing to digitally cram ointment in another human
being's ass-crack.
v v v v v
Bob was trying to avoid the draft, so he went down to the Draft
Board wearing lipstick.
"Do you always wear lipstick?" asked the Sergeant.
Bob, feeling confident this will keep him from being drafted,
replies, "Oh yes ALWAYS."
The Sergeant smiles and says, "Okay good. We'll send you to
Alaska. You won't get chapped lips."
v v v v v
v v v v v
submitted by: BADVETTE87
A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and
a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal
companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely
man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man
took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but
there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only
survivor was Hillary Clinton.
That evening, the man introduced Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was
another beautiful evening –
red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again...
He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over
to Hillary, cautiously and whispered in her ear...
'
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
v v v v v
Get Hands On: Learn
CPR
Congratulations! You’ve made an important decision to attend CPR
training. We salute
you in your efforts to be trained to help save lives.
Throughout the year, many communities offer special CPR events. To
find
out if there is an event near you, use the “Find Local Info” box in the top right-hand corner of this page.
This will direct you to your
local office’s page.
If there’s not a special CPR event that meets your needs, please contact
a
training center.
Diagnosing Insomnia
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4149.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
When you visit your primary care physician to try and determine
if you have insomnia, he or she will be most interested in
discovering if your insomnia is a medical disorder in and of
itself or a secondary manifestation of another condition, like
arthritis or heartburn. More
v v v v v
A fisherman's wife was sitting by a tent in a clearing on the bank
of a river when along came the park ranger and said, "Excuse me
ma'am but I need to speak to your husband. Can you tell me where
he is?"
She replied, pointing to a clump of reeds. "Go over there and look
for the pole with a worm on both ends."
v v v v v
A RESIGNATION LETTER:
Dear Sir,
This will confirm my fucking
resignation
With your fucked up company. I have accepted
A lucrative position with a company where
Being a preverted bastard is not a job
Prerequisite for managerial skills.
I am looking forward to my
new position and
The challenges that await me, unlike when I
Worked with you assholes.
My last day of work will be
when you realize I
Came in late last night and cleaned out my desk,
Including all the supplies I requested and received
Last week.
Hopefully, your dumb ass can
figure out all the
Shit I've left undone for the new team, as well
As the ongoing projects I never completed.
Once the company figures out
that you don't know a
Damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement,
But your ass as well.
Please feel free not to say
a damn thing to me should
You see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked.
My experience with this
fucking company has been very
Unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary.
She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when
You were away. She told me that you screwed her every
Time she appealed for salary increment. She enjoyed sex
With me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you are
Not only a fucker but a poor fucker.
Anyway, I appreciate having
had the opportunity to use
You as a stepping stone to a better future.
I wish you and the
organization not a fucking thing,
Bitch-ass mother fuckers.
Yours sincerely,
v v v v v
submitted by: BillieJo50
v v v v v
The Top 8 Signs Your Kids Are Voting for a
Different Presidential Candidate Than
You Are
8> You: Kodos. Them? Kang.
7> The local Republican party chair never made it to dinner, and
the "snowman" in the front yard is about his size and
holding
a "Obama '08" sign.
6> Comments that all it takes is a few cases of spray paint to
turn a red state to blue.
5> You're citing the advantages of McCain; they're singing
"Barack the Casbah!"
4> They're voting for Huckabee "...because it was such a *deep*
movie!"
3> Um, they're your kids. When have they ever done what you told
them?
2> They're way ahead on lawn signs: Hillary '08; Hillary '12;
Chelsey '16; Chelsey '20.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Kids Are Voting
for a
Different Presidential Candidate Than You
Are...
1> Your choice: the sane, reasonable candidate. Their choice?
Ralph Nader.
v v v v v
If I ever got a dog, I'd name it Nipples.
I'd let him run away on
purpose just so I could go around asking people, "Have you seen my
Nipples?" Sure, it'd probably get confusing with the double meaning
and
everything, but come on man, that's the whole point.
v v v v v
Fixitnow.com Samurai Appliance Repair Man
http://fixitnow.com/
Your refrigerator is warming up and you hear a humming sound, and maybe even
a CLICK, coming from the compressor in back. First check
the compressor start relay(http://fixitnow.com/wp/2005/12/01/refrigerator-warming-up-and-makes-an-occasional-clicking-noise/) .
If that checks good, then you’re probably looking at a bad compressor.
This topic(http://applianceguru.com/forum1/15075.html)
in the Samurai Appliance Repair Forums will help you confirm it.
Fixitnow.com Samurai Appliance Repair Man » Microwave Oven Repair FAQ(http://fixitnow.com/microwave-oven-repair-faq/)
Tons of FAQ about microwave oven repair
Fixitnow.com Samurai Appliance Repair Man » Dishwasher Repair FAQ_ http://fixitnow.com/dishwasher-repair-faq/
Dishwasher repair FAQ'S
v v v v v
A new study out of Northwestern
University
shows that breaking up isn't as hard in
reality
as people perceive it to be. Folks
have an
innate ability to find coping mechanisms.
Our
gang, as always, found some creative
ones.
The Top 9 Signs That Breaking Up Isn't All That Hard to Do
9> Now the broom is in the closet where you need it, not between
her legs driving her to the mall.
8> Sudden happy realization comes to you that you can now crank
up the volume on your internet porn.
7> Two words: Baywatch Marathon.
6> She got the house, furniture, paintings and the china. You got
the Ferrari. Using guy math that's a major win!
5> Filling her side of the fridge with beer: $75. Unlimited porn
pay-per-view: $50. Orgasming without that stupid condom:
Priceless.
4> You were eventually acquitted, so technically that breakup
didn't kill *you* anyway.
3> The stalking was taking up too much of your study time anyway.
2> Now the only person you'll have to spit and not swallow for is
your dentist.
and the Number 1 Sign
That Breaking
Up Isn't All That
Hard to Do...
1> The moaning, the sighing, the yearning? Uh, that's you in bed
with Rebound Man.
v v v v v
submitted by: MMojoy
Once upon a time, a guy
asked a girl, "Will you
marry me?" The girl
said "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did
whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more,
had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy
lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled,
felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.
The End
v v v v v
v v v v v
What kind of sign does a prostitute hang on her door when she
goes on vacation?
'Go Fuck Yourself.'
v v v v v
"It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honor,"
testified
the man charged with indecent exposure.
"Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge.
"Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she
asked me what I wanted most in a woman -- so I showed her."
v v v v v
The Top 9 Worst Parental Reactions
to
Accidentally Walking in on a Son
Inappropriately Spending
His Alone-Time
9> "Well, you *have* said the other boys have been snickering in
the locker room..."
8> "Too bad. Like father, like son."
7> "Why didn't you tell me? I'd have gotten you a hooker!"
6> "Honey, grab a hankie!"
5> "So that's where all my lotion bottles went!"
4> "Well, at least I see that your shoe size was not misleading."
3> "Honey! Get the camera! Rodney has a new hobby!"
2> "Here, let me show you how to do that."
and the Number 1 Worst Parental
Reaction
to Accidentally Walking in on
a Son
Inappropriately Spending His
Alone-Time...
1> "Herman! You're 42 years old, for God's sake."
v v v v v
Click here: YouTube - Frank TV: Andy Rooney talks about iPhone
Click here: Daily Email Newsletter - Funniest Video of the Day
v v v v v
The Top 9 Euphemisms for Breast Implants
9> Having eye-magnets installed
8> Floatation Devices
7> Daddy's Silicone Investment
6> Male-Detecting Devices
5> The Adopted Twins
4> Implanted Confidence
3> Silicone Specials
2> Hubba Bubbles
and the Number 1 Euphemism for Breast Implants...
1> Marty Feldmans
v v v v v
Click here: Plain Talk from Connie Schultz of the Plain Dealer
Someone tell me, please, how grown men in 2008 can believe it's their right - their duty, even –
to tell a woman when she should rein in her ambition and go home.
Male columnists, male politicians, male talking heads, male "surrogates" –
all of them harrumphing that it's time for Hillary Clinton to stop it, just stop it, with all this talk of being president....
"OK, now I'm mad," a friend, Karen, told me last week. "Who do they think they are?"
She supports Barack Obama, but the thought of finger-wagging men telling a woman what to do really set her off.
She might change her vote, and anyone reading some of the comments on newspapers' Web sites and blogs knows she's not alone....
The problem here is that you don't understand the tenacity of American women.
v v v v v
"Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups:
brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price
shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old
customer classifications: teeth or no teeth."
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
The police arrived and found a woman dead
on her living room
floor with a golf club next to her body. They asked the husband,
"Is this your wife?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Did you kill her?"
"Yes, he replied."
"It looks like you struck her eight times with this 3-iron.
Is that correct?"
"Yes," he replied, "...but put me down for a five."
v v v v v
I dated this flaky woman one time. Upon picking her up
for dinner,
she said, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm feeling a little
schizophrenic tonight."
"Good!" I said. "That makes the four of us."
v v v v v
MoMA.org | Exhibitions | 2007 | Richard Serra Sculpture: Forty Years
From the Museum of Modern Art
Artocracy is a virtual art space connecting artists and patrons
through the sale of affordable art
Edward Hopper at the National Gallery of Art
Hopper's earliest artistic success came by way of his watercolors and etchings,
rather than the oil paintings for which he is now best known. Lacking buyers for his canvases,
Hopper reluctantly worked as a commercial illustrator. In 1915 he discovered etching,
a medium that made economic sense (multiple prints could be sold of a single image) and
also permitted the artistic freedom he craved. Hopper's etchings signal themes the artist would explore throughout his career:
isolated figures, empty streets, strong contrasts between light and shadow, and the play of sunlight on architecture.
odd wall : gallery of the streets
Lots of odd art from all over the world - gallery of the streets
??????? The Calligraphic World of Mi Fu's Art
Mi Fu was one of the most important artists of the latter half of the Northern Sung era
Claude Theberge Fine Art Prints
My favorite artist
v v v v v
Remember all those great "your momma"
jokes?
Your momma's so fat the shadow of her ass
weighs
15 lbs! Your momma's so ugly she makes
onions
cry! Etc. Well here are a few updated
versions.
The Top 7 New Momma
Insults (Part I)
7> Your momma's so fat, they're launching "Google Your Momma."
6> Your momma is so fat her BMI is triple digits.
5> Your momma's so fat that when she texts her fingers press
all the keys at once.
4> Your momma's so mean she *PERSONALLY* tests her makeup on lab
animals.
3> Your momma's so fat that she needs two MySpace pages to fit.
2> Your momma's so mean, AOL says "Ain't nobody sent you no mail!"
and the Number 1 New Momma Insult...
1> Your mamma's so fat, Mapquest gives directions on how to get
around her ass.
v v v v v
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phoe one
morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on
another line."
"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd
like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."
v v v v v
submitted by: sammy562
Brian's DooWop Fixxx
http://www.doowopfix.co.uk/index.htm
Keeping the music alive
Alt/Indie Rock Albums You May Have Missed In 2007_(http://altmusic.about.com/od/altindie101/tp/topalbums2007.htm
Has it been a good year for Alternative and Indie Rock? Who cares. It's
been a good year for these albums –
in the sense that they have found their way to my ears, and my mind and heart are happy that such is so.
Point being, if the below haven't found their way to your ears, I recommend you take actions in
order to remedy that crime. Why? Because these are the best. Of the year. That I reviewed.
And I know from best. Really. (the authors comments - not mine)
Best of Country Music in 2007 in Photos
http://countrymusic.about.com/od/photos/ig/Best-of-Country-2007-in-Photos/
Pics of some of your favorite country artists
v v v v v
"David Beckham and Posh Spice have got a new perfume coming
out. It's called 'Intimately Beckham.' Apparently, it's a delicate
combination of anorexic breath and athlete's foot."
Craig Ferguson
v v v v v
You know you live in a small town when . . .
1.. The town newspaper is published monthly.
2.. It has an aquarium -- stocked with live minnows.
3.. The town is named after EVERYONE'S distant relative.
4.. It was founded on April Fools' Day as a practical joke.
5.. The Ice Cream store has only two flavors, chocolate and vanilla.
6.. There's no hospital -- only a first aid kit.
7.. For fun on Saturday nights, people drive up and down main street.
8.. There's no bank... as soon as someone gets enough money,
they leave.
9.. The only traffic jam's are caused when a farmer drives down
Main Street on his combine.
10.. The local phone book has a yellow page.
11.. Third Street is on the edge of town.
12.. The 7-11 is only open from 8 - 5.
13.. The only road crossing Main Street is a dirt road.
14.. At the last beauty contest, nobody won 2nd or 3rd place.
15.. The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both direction.
16.. There's no place to go that you shouldn't.
17.. "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.
18.. The New Year's baby was born in October.
v v v v v
TestDisk - CGSecurity
http://www.cgsecurity.org/wiki/TestDisk
TestDisk is a powerful free data recovery software! It was
primarily designed to help recover lost partitions and/or make
non-booting disks bootable again when these symptoms are caused by
faulty software, certain types of viruses or human error (such as accidentally deleting a Partition Table).
Partition table
recovery using TestDisk is really easy.
Malicious Software Removal Tool
http://www.microsoft.com/security/malwareremove/default.mspx
The Microsoft Windows Malicious Software Removal Tool checks computers running Windows Vista,
Windows XP, Windows 2000, and Windows Server 2003 for infections by specific,
prevalent malicious software—including Blaster, Sasser, and Mydoom—and helps remove any
infection found. When the detection and removal process is complete, the tool
displays a report describing
the outcome, including which, if any, malicious software was detected and
removed.
Voyage Century Online (30), from Internet Gaming Gate - Free Downloads on ZDNet
| Shareware, Trialware,
Evaluation http://downloads.zdnet.com/download.aspx?&compid=63449&docid=334962&tag=nl.e530)
Voyage Century is the first 3D nautical online game in MMORPG history,
gives priority to scene of sea, with scene of land as supplement. The story in
Voyage Century Online begins on Mediterranean Sea from 16th Century a pivotal
episode in history which big powers played the despot and great many adventurers emerged.
Each character in the game has an extraordinary
and enigmatic life experience.
v v v v v
"According to a new poll, 81 percent of Americans think the
country is on the wrong track. The other 19 percent own gas
stations."
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
The Sunday School teacher was describing
how Lot's wife
looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little
Johnny interrupted.
"My Mummy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced
triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
v v v v v
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same
day, were led down to the room in which they would their
maker.
The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son,
do you have a last request?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could
you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about
you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
v v v v v
submitted by: lg1
v v v v v
One Sunday, the pastor preached on the topic of,
"How to Have a
Good Marriage." He said that there were three all important keys.
1) You have to remember to say, "I'm sorry."
2) You have to remember to say, "I Love You."
3) You have to promise that you will never do it (whatever it
is/was) again.
After church a man arrived home and his wife asked him what the
sermon was about. The man replied, "I'm sorry I love you, and I
promise never to do it again."
v v v v v
A couple finished their dinner, and the man asked for the check.
Thinking to impress his date, he called the waiter over and loudly
complained that the bill was incorrect.
The waiter patiently reviewed the bill with the man, and it was
indeed correct. "Are you trying to make a fool out of me?" the
man huffed.
"No, sir, not in the least... I never interfere with nature."
v v v v v
In the pre-internet days, neither of us would have even thought of calling each other friends.
We'd have called ourselves friends of friends who met once and yet, for some reason,
kept sending each other grammatically challenged, inappropriately flirty letters with photos of ourselves attached.
Police might have gotten involved.
Sign up - make friends - blogs - groups - events - fun
At MyFriend.com, our focus is on YOU. Choose a unique look and feel for your profile that truly reflects who you are,
what you like, and what you believe in.
We have a number of templates to get you started, or if you are daring, use
your skills to create your own look.
Best of all, the whole process takes only a few minutes!
v v v v v
A 7-year-old Palm Beach Gardens boy took
his
grandmother's Dodge Durango for an
eight-minute
joy ride and left a smoking trail of
damage
in his wake, striking (among other things)
two
mailboxes, two parked cars and two *moving* cars.
Asked why he did it, the brat
responded,
"I wanted to do it 'cuz my friend
was in the
car with me. I took it on a high-speed
chase."
"But Chris, how can WE
tell if there's
a dangerous tot on the
road nearby?"
Glad you asked...
The Top 17 Signs the Driver in Front of
You Is a Kid
17> Keeps tossing lollipop sticks and juice boxes out the window.
16> Bumper sticker: "The driver is an honor student at MacArthur
Elementary."
15> Years of "Grand Theft Auto" practice left him ill-prepared for
his attempt to jump the Michigan Avenue drawbridge. Damn shame
about the tour boat, too.
14> Actually knows how to use the overly complicated GPS system.
13> Elbow out the driver's side window, clutchin' a can of Similac.
12> At a light, you hear him ask the driver in the next lane,
"Excuse me, do you have any purple ketchup?"
11> Driver side door layered with bubble gum and boogers.
10> All you can see are knuckles on the steering wheel and a tuft
of NON-blue-rinsed hair -- and the car just drove right past
a Luby's.
9> When he enters a school zone, he purposely picks up speed.
8> Doesn't pay attention to the road while talking into his
tin-can-on-a-string phone.
7> Bumper sticker: "Ask me about what I just made in my pants."
6> His super-subwoofer stereo blasts "The Wheels on the Bus"
at eardrum-liquefying volumes.
5> Rear-window decal shows Calvin peeing on broccoli.
4> He has to use his other hand to hold down his index and ring
fingers when he flips you off.
3> That's no hood ornament; his younger brother is duct-taped
to the hood.
2> He is being pursued by a dozen police cars, three news
helicopters and Michael Jackson's limo.
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Sign
the Driver in Front of You Is
a Kid...
1> His chrome Truck Nutz haven't fully descended.
v v v v v
submitted by: jacksinfl
v v v v v
How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well
as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast,
because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses.
In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget
the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because
they are always five pounds off...to your advantage, of
course.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale
lighter. (Waving them is optional but occasionally helps!)
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've
weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at
least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the
scale (air has to weigh something, right?)
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding
onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other
foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this
takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least
two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
v v v v v
Improving Performance
NeatNetTricks
IMPROVING PERFORMANCE. If you have more than 256MB of RAM, you can
improve your
system's performance by making sure that it uses every last drop of memory
(faster than the swap file) before it starts using the swap
file.
Go to Start|Run and type "msconfig.exe" then OK. Click on the
System.ini tab and expand the 386enh tab by clicking on the plus sign. Click on "new" and in the blank box type
"ConservativeSwapfileUsage=1?" (without the quotes).
Click OK and restart your PC.
v v v v v
BUSY MOM's BREAKFAST BAKE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
6 eggs
1 cup milk
6 oz. cheddar cheese, grated
1-lb sausage or bacon, crumbled
4 Hash brown patties, frozen
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 cup chopped onion
DIRECTIONS:
Line an 8x8 baking dish with frozen hash browns. Sprinkle
hash browns with crumbled sausage or bacon. Mix together
eggs, milk, salt, pepper, and dry mustard. Pour over meat
and hash browns. Top with grated cheddar cheese. Refrigerate
overnight. Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 45
minutes to 1 hour.
Yield: 4-6 servings
v v v v v
The Top 30 DMV Slogans
30> That blank stare means we're working for YOU!
29> We'll drive YOU crazy!
28> You can't spell "Honey, you gave me VD!" without DMV.
27> Any friggin' day now!
26> Get your license during lunch! (Applies to employees with
seven-hour lunches ONLY)
25> Come back soon! With that third form of ID.
24> It's always rush hour HERE!
23> Don't like our service? Go to our competitor instead! Heh heh.
22> Free photo with every license purchase!
21> Your tax dollar at... never mind.
20> Good till you at last drop
19> We put the dumb in boredom
18> Bring a newspaper.
No, a magazine.
Better yet, a book.
A thick one.
Thicker...
Thicker...
17> We don't care because we don't HAVE to
16> So easy, a surly, embittered caveman can do it.
15> Now with excessive humidity!
14> You're one in a million to us
13> We don't make the way you look in photos -- we make it suckier
12> Still better than riding a city bus
11> If you worked here, you'd be scowling by now!
10> Come for your license. Stay for... EVER!
9> Smile-free for <179> days!
8> When it absolutely, positively has to be done in four to five
laborious hours in a slow tedious fashion.
7> Farfroworkin'
6> Ironically, we're neither civil *nor* servants!
5> Faster than a herd of turtles in a sea of peanut butter!
3> It's Wait-tastic!
2> Go ahead and tell us you weigh 125. It ain't called
a truthcense!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 DMV Slogan...
1> Beginning Sudoku player to Grand Master in just one visit!
v v v v v
Is it better to maintain my engine's oil level at... — Yahoo! Autos_ http://autos.yahoo.com/maintain/repairqa/air_filters_oil/ques052_1.html
Most vehicle manufacturers say it’s okay to wait until the level reaches the
add mark to add oil.
The add mark But considering that the crankcase capacity on most passenger cars today is only four quarts,
running the engine 25% low on oil (one quart) may not be wise. Here’s why.
v v v v v
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, cause I'm a cross between a
macho and a sensitive man."
I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
Judy Tenuta
v v v v v
The waitress was tired of this one biker always hitting
on her, so she
came up with a plan.
"I'll tell ya what, stud. I'll have sex with ya on two conditions.
First, it'll cost ya 50 bucks. Second, you have to guarantee me that
bells will ring and lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine.
v v v v v
Free
LoveTest - love & personality tests
The original internet love test
Free Love Tests, Love
Quizzes, Online Quizzes, Love Quiz, Relationship Help
Advice, dating, flirting, cards and letters, poetry, quotes and more
v v v v v
A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles,
one way, to the general store. "Heya, Wilbur," said Sam, the
store owner. "Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up
there by rubbing stones and flint together?"
"You betcha, Sam. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?"
"Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a
'Match.'"
"'Match'? Never heard of it."
"Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this," Sam says,
taking a match and striking it on his pants."
"Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Sam."
"Well, why not?"
"I cain't be walking twelve miles to borrow your pants every time
I want a fire."
v v v v v
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his
first
day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake
and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job
will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied
indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
v v v v v
Ireland - Dingle Bay
The Dingle Peninsula in southwest Ireland in County Kerry
provides a variety of settings, ranging from country roads,
to beaches, cliff sides and mountains. And even a shoe shop
that doubles as a local pub.
Click here: http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=757
Ireland -
Dingle Bay
Travel - Guides and Deals for Hotels, Restaurants and Vacations - The New
York Times
http://travel.nytimes.com/pages/travel/index.html
Modern fears dissuade many from visiting the old “Arabia Felix,” but they
miss superb architecture,
a beguiling culture and stunning vistas.
v v v v v
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to the railway station
to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her
turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady
next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and
sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming
tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
v v v v v
The U. S. Senate will vote today on whether to rename Ellis Island's
library the Bob Hope Library. Before he died he donated all his
radio and television monologues to the Smithsonian. Over the years
only the voters have sent more jokes to Washington.
v v v v v
Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
v v v v v
A woman walked into a pet shop. The store clerk was busy with
another customer at the time, so she looked around. She saw cages
with prices posted on them: "Siamese cat -- $500." "Persian cat
--
$600" Another said, "Russian Blue -- $800,"
After the clerk finished with the customer, he asked if he could
help her. She said, "Don't you have any cats that go cheap?"
The pet shop clerk replied, "No ma'am. The only things we have
that go cheep are parakeets and canaries.
v v v v v
A fella is going on an ocean-liner cruise, taking
his girlfriend
with him. He tells his doctor that he's worrying about getting
seasick. The doctor suggests, "You should eat about two pounds
of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
The man inquires, "Would the tomatoes keep me from getting sick,
Doc?" The doctor replies, "No, it won't. It will look real pretty
in the water, though."
v v v v v
When your wife says, "Well, what do you think?" she
is not asking
for YOUR opinion. She is asking for HER opinion, from your mouth.
When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?" the translation is: "Do
I look fatter than the neighbor / my sister/ my friend?" (The
appropriate response is, "No.")
When she says, "How did you like dinner?" your answer should
run along the line of, "Good." DO NOT say anything such as,
"Interesting," or "What was it?"
When she says, "What do you want for supper?" the best answer is,
"Let's go out to eat tonight."
v v v v v
YouTube - iPhone proposal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-QMynSAxJY
Awwwwww how sweet!!
Ban on cell phones for under 18s?
Sunday Times.lk - Columbo,Sri Lanka
The main intention of bringing the ban is to minimize
the misuse of mobile phones by youngsters and to
minimize abuses through mobile phones Ministry ..
New Cell Phones From NTT DoCoMo WithTelevision
Technology
High Tech Lounge - New York,NY,USA
Over in Japan, NTT DoCoMo is putting us all to shame yet once again with a
couple of new cell phones,
both of which come with the same kind of TV technology ...
Old cell phones and Jack Bauer?
San Jose Mercury News - CA, USA
Doris Modesitt is calling for donations of old cell phones for useby
senior citizens.
If you have a pile of old cell phones; and who doesn't you can ...
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Vanna White has been very sick these past couple of days. She
hasn't had a vowel movement since Thursday.
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A man dies and finds himself in a small room
furnished with a couch
and TV. There's another guy sitting on the couch, watching the
screen. "So, is this heaven or hell?" he asks the guy on the couch.
"Well, there are no windows or doors, and no apparent way out,"
the man answers.
"So it's hell?"
"I don't know," says the other guy, without looking up. "They
did
give us this nice big TV."
"So maybe it's heaven."
"Maybe, but it has only one channel," the man counters.
"Oh, so maybe it's hell?"
"Well, the station it gets is pretty good...it's PBS."
"So maybe this is heaven after all?"
"Yeah, except for one thing," the other guy says sadly.
"It's always pledge week."
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Jeff was married and a philanderer. A friend finally took him
to task. "When you run around with other women, doesn't your
conscience bother you?"
"Yes, for a certain length of time...and then if I don't hear from
their lawyers, I feel better."
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Q) Why are clams like women?
A) Because when the red tide comes, you don't eat them.
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Two chaps were chatting it up over a few pints of stout at the local pub...
Ultimately, the subject of 'death and dying' came up and some
deeply-metaphysical comments were being made...
Then one of the fellows said to the other,
"Now take my grandfather. That man knew the exact day of the year
that he was going to die.
It was the right year, too! Not only that he knew what time of day he would die! He was right about that, as well.
Right to the minute!"
"Wow, that's incredible,"
replied the second fellow. "How did he know all that?"
"The judge told him," said the
first fellow.
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Cannon Challenge Game : Future Weapons : Discovery Channel
http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/future-weapons/games/cannon/cannon.html
Brad from Atlanta says the Non-Line-of-Sight Cannon Challenge is one of
the best games he's tried.
It's great fun, especially if you turn the sound way up.
UNIQLO GRID
http://www.uniqlo.com/grid/
Once you're on the playing field, draw a circle, slice a box, move a square.
If you're lucky, someone in another country will be doing the same thing with other colored boxes. Make sure to click on the Information box in the right
corner and then click on one of the images near
the bottom of the page.
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One of my dogs is a Chow. Chows are very prone to seizures and
typically take phenobarb for their entire lives to keep this under
control. When I recently picked up his prescription, which is made
out to "Virgil Canine (the Dog)," it had a sticker on it warning him
that it "May cause drowsiness, alcohol may intensify this effect.
Use care when operating a car or dangerous machinery."
Needless to say, we no longer let him drive his dump truck.
You can also bet there is no beer for him!
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A Classic:
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick
walks up
and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your
manager?"
He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?"
She replies, "I don't know if you're the man to talk
to...its
kind of personal..."
Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm
pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss."
She then looks at
him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and
he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you
give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
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As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under
the
seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver
had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus
drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two
typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained.
"I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put
my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope
you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us
could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just
how you do it."
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Vista Quick Tip : Make the Cursor Easier to See
worldstart.com
The blinking cursor in Vista that indicates where you can type text is as thin
as Kate Moss, which
can sometimes make for frustrating moments when you're not able to locate it.
So, to make your cursor easier to see, just go to Start, Control Panel and type "optimize visual display" in the search box. Next,
click the shortcut to see
the dialogue box, shown here:
Bumping up the size of your cursor from 1 to 2 makes a noticeable difference
and going all the way to 11
would really make it
impossible to miss!
I hope these quick tips have been helpful to you. Give them a try today!
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Two women were talking the other day over tea. "Did I tell you that my
husband has taken up golf?" the first lady asked her friend.
"No, as a matter of fact, you didn't," her friend replied,
"How's he doing?"
"Evidently, very well," said the first lady.
"He's only played three times, but his friends tell me that he's already
throwing his clubs as
far as men who've been playing the game for years!"
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I'm a staunch independent. Every time I think I am a
Republican,
they do something greedy and every time I think I am a
Democrat, they go and do something stupid.
Jay Leno
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Did you hear about the new computer Apple has developed,
small enough to be carried in a fanny pack? It will be
called the Macintush.
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Gay politicians are always seeking mandates.
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Just once
I'd like to...
Here!
Just in time for Christmas
Here!
Strange ideas
Here!
Waddya mean??
Here!
This sucks!
Here!
Egg Head
Here
You want fries with that?
Here!
Smoke symbols?
Here!
Just how do you explain????
Here!
Change it to cocaine??
Here!
The next song....
Here!
X T R A NAUGHTY
"Daily
Wet Dream"
"Daily Wet Dream"
Amateur BJ
Amateur BJ
Curly's Snack
Curly's Snack
Curly Fan
Curly Fan
Up View
Up View
Curly Fan
Curly Fan
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty,
expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on
operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of
mind
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©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin - All
rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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