Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
THANK YOU
for the emails in support me and the newsletter - I am so grateful!
Sending hugs and love your way
If your computer is just too quiet, you can
fix that with the 5,000 free sounds at http://sounds.beachware.com/
. Sorry, in this case a "zillion" is only 5,000. Check it out in the DOWNLOADS section.
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I
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order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there
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Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"WHINER you say.....well I'm sorry to inform you as far as I'm concerned that should be WINNER !!!!!!
Not WHINER.I have been reading your newsletter for a long time and could care less about double
spacing or anything else and I'm sure everyone else feels the same way. You have gone out of your
way to send us a good newsletter and and it is a very interesting letter that covers many things that
I might not find on here by my self. I have never complained, I have e-mail you a few times when you
were missing in action....lol and that's because I care about you.....like we all do I'm sure.
Girl you are the best Newsletter on the net!!!!!!!......Patty"
v v v v v
One day, the seven dwarfs left to go work in the
mine.
Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch.
When she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that
there had been a terrible cave in. Tearfully, and fearing
the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against
hope that some of the dwarfs had survived.
"Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello."
For quite a while there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow
White called again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?"
Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a
faint voice from deep in the mine. The voice said, "I'll
always vote Democrat. Vote Democrat."
Snow White, somewhat relieved screamed out, "Oh, thank
God, Dopey is still alive.
v v v v v
Three women are
chatting about their relationships. One is engaged,
one married, and one a mistress. They decide to amaze their men....that
night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and mask
over their eyes.
After a few days the three met again.
The engaged girlfriend: "The other night, when my boyfriend came
back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cm stilettos and
mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you'.
Then we made love all night long."
The mistress: "Ah! Me too. The other night I met my lover in the
office
and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes
and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he didn't say anything.
But we had wild sex all night.
The married one: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at
mymother's
for the night, I got myself ready with leather bodice, super stilettos and
mask over my eyes. My husband comes home from work, opens the
door and says, 'Hi Batman. What's for dinner?' "
v v v v v
*submitted by*
song-A-gram.com Actual
Songs Page 1
Scroll down for lots of songs
_Click here: Intro to Classical
Music
When asked the question, “what is classical music?”, elevator music comes to the minds of many people.
Although it is grossly inaccurate to say that classical music is elevator music, the two terms are similar in one way. They
are both a generic term applied to a type of music. Classical
music encompasses many styles of music spanning over 700 years.
Heartland Rock - Profile of '80s Mainstream Genre Heartland
Rock_
The heavily '80s-centered genre of heartland rock has never been particularly
difficult to grasp, and yet its
broad umbrella comfortably covers many artists of the late '70s and '80s. In the simplest terms, heartland rock
refers to slightly countrified rock and roll that often embraces, espouses and defends rural, blue-collar values.
It also represents one of the most commercially successful blends of country and rock now widely referred to as
Americana music, trumping the more revered country-rock of
the late '60s and early '70s in that area
v v v v v
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
v v v v v
During a bank robbery the Bank Manager got shot.
The bank robber asked a customer standing next to him "did you see me
shoot
the Bank Manager?
The man said "yes I saw you shoot the manager" so the bank robber
shot him too.
The bank robber then asked another man if he saw him shoot the Bank Manager
and this man said "no, but my wife did".
v v v v v
PC World - Got XP Annoyances? Try These
Four Smart Fixes for Windows Woes
Windows XP is loaded with annoyances, but what else is new? The
following tips will stop XP from crashing,
scanning your disk every time you boot, and hanging when you don't expect it to. Even if you're not hassled by these
problems today, clip and save the page, because these gremlins strike when you're least ready. Boot Error-Check Overload –
the hassle and the fix. Pinch a Persistent Folder
- the hassle and the fix. Jump Start Disk Cleanup - the hassle and
the fix, etc.
v v v v v
The Top 10 Signs Your Medic Watches
Too Much "M*A*S*H"
10> Now in the 107th month of a 2-year tour of duty.
9> The still in his tent is a dead giveaway.
8> Ends every sentence with: "That is all."
7> His first-aid kit contains cross-dressing materials.
6> Keeps referring to your "really high Nielsen ratings" when
taking your blood pressure.
5> Even though you don't ask, he tells anyway.
4> Constantly prescribing 3-day passes for "a little R & R" in
Tokyo.
3> Freaks out patients because she sings "Suicide is Painless"
while drawing blood.
2> Refuses to treat anyone if it takes longer than 30 minutes
(except for the two-and-a-half-hour finale).
and the Number 1 Sign Your Medic Watches Too Much
"M*A*S*H"...
1> Teaching himself Korean in order to help the locals, which is
a little weird when you're stationed in Baghdad.
v v v v v
v v v v v
FETTUCCINE & CREAMY BASIL/PINE NUT SAUCE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 garlic clove
1 cup fresh basil leaves
1/2 cup light ricotta cheese
1/2 cup plain nonfat yogurt
1/2 cup (2 ounces) crumbled blue cheese
2 teaspoons sherry vinegar
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoon pine nuts
1 (9-ounce) package fresh fettuccine
Fresh basil leaves (optional)
DIRECTIONS:
Place the garlic in a food processor, and pulse 2 to
3 times. Add basil and the next 5 ingredients (through
the pepper); process until smooth. Stir in pine nuts.
Cook pasta according to package directions, omitting
salt and fat; drain. Combine pasta and sauce in a large
bowl; toss well. Garnish with fresh basil, if desired.
YIELD: Yield: 3 Servings
v v v v v
Instant Memory Cleaner (zip), from Vasilios Freeware - Free Downloads on
ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware,
EvaluationFront-end for Microsoft's command line ClearMem ( Windows XP ) and FreeMem ( Windows Vista ),
which force pages out of physical memory and reduce the size of running processes' working sets, to a minimum.
Real-time free memory indicator included. Real-time current memory details of your system are
available anytime. Instant Memory Cleaner is more effective with Windows XP and with better results. Version 7.12 features:
Windows Vista support and real-time current
memory details of your system are available anytime.
Free Sounds - Official Site of the Zillion
Sounds Collection
ZILLION SOUNDS. If your computer is just too quiet, you can fix that with
the 5,000 free sounds at http://sounds.beachware.com/.
Sorry, in this case a "zillion" is
only 5,000.
Singer's Creations » Weather
Watcher 5.6.24
WEATHER WATCHER automatically retrieves at a set interval the current
weather conditions, hourly forecast,
daily forecast, detailed forecast, severe weather alerts from the National Weather Service (US only), and weather
maps for over 77,000 cities world- wide. The current conditions can be quickly viewed by holding your mouse pointer over the
Weather Watcher system tray icon. It promises no spyware or adware, works with Windows 98/XP/ Vista/2000, and is a free
download at WEATHER WATCHER automatically retrieves at a set interval the current weather conditions, hourly forecast,
daily forecast, detailed forecast, severe weather alerts from the National Weather Service (US only), and weather maps for over 77,000
cities world-wide. The current conditions can be quickly viewed by holding your mouse pointer over the Weather Watcher system tray icon.
It promises no spyware or adware, works with Windows 98/XP/ Vista/2000, and is a free
download at http://www.singerscreations.com/RSS/Posts/385.asp.
v v v v v
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
v v v v v
One guy is at a bar and while sipping his drink, he spots this
gorgeous brunette sitting at one of the tables with her friends.
She catches him staring at her and they eye each other from afar
for a while.
Then he decides to go for it and motions to her with his finger
(you know, that "come here" motion made by the index finger).
So she walks over to where he's standing.
He leans over and in a low voice whispers in her ear, "If I could
make you 'come' with one finger, imagine what I could do with a
whole hand."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
v v v v v
"Starbucks has canceled its plans to sell a one-dollar cup of
coffee. A company spokesman said, 'You'll still be able to get a
one-dollar cup of coffee at Starbucks but it's going to cost you
eight bucks.'"
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
*submitted by*
2.
v v v v v
The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music
company where my wife works as a customer service representative.
Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer
information, wrote the following notes regarding some golden oldies:
"Customer is looking for two song titles: 'Shovel Off Two Buffaloes'
and 'Honey, Suck a Rose.'"
v v v v v
Even though my Ecuadoran son-in-law is fluent in English, he
translates some figures of speech too literally. When I com-
mented that he and my daughter are about the same age, but she
looks much younger, he agreed.
"Yes," he said. "Some people think I stole the crib."
v v v v v
Alternative Fuel & Fuel-Efficient Cars - Yahoo! Autos Green Cars
Find 'green' cars here
How do I know I'm not getting ripped off when I... — Yahoo!
Autos
You don’t. Several issues are involved here. One is integrity. Another is
competence. Another is trust.
When you take your vehicle to a new car dealer, an independent garage, a
service station, tire store, specialty repair shop,
the auto service department of a retail store or any other kind of service facility, you expect to be treated honestly and fairly.
You don’t want to be lied to, taken unfair advantage of, told you need parts or services you don’t really need, charged for parts that
were not replaced or services that were not
performed, cheated in any way or made to feel like you’ve been had, right
v v v v v
The Top 10 Musicians' Memoirs
10> Michael Jackson: It Doesn't Matter If I'm Black or White
9> Yoko Ono: How To Do Book On Only On3 Vow3l
8> William Shatner: I Am *Too* a Musician!
7> Meat Loaf: I Would Do Anything For a Comeback (Including That)
6> Radiohead: Available For Free At the Library
5> Sonny Bono: Tree-Hugger
4> Paul McCartney: Paul is Read
3> Tom Jones: Panties From Heaven
2> Milli Vanilli: In Our Own Words
and the Number 1 Musicians' Memoirs...
1> Yo-Yo Ma: Mmmm, Cello!
v v v v v
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BillieJo50
PC Support - Free Tech Support - Fix Computer Problems - Free Computer Help &
Want to be able to create your own movie DVDs and music or other CDs? If
your computer's existing functionality
doesn't include CD and DVD burning, learn how easy it is to install a burner on your own.
v v v v v
"According to Glamour magazine, 83 percent of women tell
their friends secrets to their husbands. So women, if you tell
your girlfriend something, 83 percent chance she will tell her
husband. But the good news? One hundred percent of the men aren't
listening anyway."
Jay Leno
v v v v v
"Steven Segal is blaming the FBI for ruining his movie career. He
said he's not getting the movie roles that he wants because of
a false FBI investigation. The FBI issued a response and said,
'It is our job to stop people from making bombs.'"
Craig Ferguson
v v v v v
Japanese Garden - The Helpful
Gardener
While gardening has evolved in many different ways around the planet,
and each style has its own unique charms,
something about Asian garden style has captured world-wide attention. Perhaps it is the simple lines and minimal look.
Perhaps it is the utilization of the natural landscape as the ideal model, intrinsically connecting the viewer to the environment.
Perhaps it’s the whimsy of lanterns, bridges and tea houses that captures the imagination. All I know is that I was instantly hooked,
and that I needed to know more. And whenever that happens, I start reading, and when I start reading garden books, I usually buy them.
There is an entire shelf of my garden bookcase dedicated to Asian garden style and I’ll give you a quick tour to help you choose
books on the subject for your own library. read more (http://www.helpfulgardener.com/japanese/2003/design-tips.html)
v v v v v
Apparently I tend to brag too much about my home state of Ohio. One
day I told a long-suffering friend, "You know, the first man in
powered flight was from Ohio. The first man to orbit the earth
was from Ohio. And the first man on the moon was from Ohio."
"Sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio,"
he observed.
v v v v v
I went to see my doctor the other night. I needed to
have some
blood drawn. I have to do this every three months. It's one of
the perks of being diabetic.
When I was getting my blood drawn the nurse said that she needed to
"stick" me again. Apparently, I have stubborn veins. I calmly said,
"No problem." She stuck me again and then I yelled out, "Sweet
Mama! I think you hit bone!" She didn't find it that funny as I did.
After it was all over, I walked out with a Snoopy Band-Aid on my
arm and a bunch of gauze in my nose. The next time I need to give
blood they should just punch me in the face.
v v v v v
v v v v v
Politically Speaking "My uncle ran for Senate last
year."
"Really? What does he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."
v v v v v
RULES FOR CUTTING YOUR OWN FIREWOOD:
1. Park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall.
2. It helps to notch the tree away from the truck.
3. The fact that you live within driving distance of a forest does
not make you a lumberjack.
4. Just to be on the safe side, always borrow your buddy's truck.
v v v v v
Most people think of police and military dogs as German
Shepherd
dogs, but Labrador Retrievers are great at these jobs, too. All
dogs have a keen sense of smell, and recognizing scents is a big
part of retrieving. Dogs can be trained to detect any number of
scents.
Spot! Los Angeles
Tons of fun things for your pets!
v v v v v
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "Your hand's on my
steak!"
"What?" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor
again?
v v v v v
Three notes walk into a bar -- a G, an E flat, and a C. The
bartender looks up and says "We don't serve minors." So the E
flat leaves and the other two have a fifth between them. After
a few drinks, the G was out flat, and the experience was
diminished. Eventually, the C sobers up, sees one of his friends
missing, the other one passed out, and realizes to his horror that
he's under a rest.
v v
v v v
Hospital Corners and more decorating ideas, organizing tips, and home keeping
and cleaning solutions on marthastewa
The bed is the focal point of a bedroom, and it is important to take special care to ensure yours is comfortable and
made up beautifully. And remember: Always
start with a good-quality mattress and box spring.
v v v v v
President Bush spoke about the war in Iraq again today. This week
marks the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the war. Bush
said turning back now would harm all the gains we've made. Like
oil $100 a barrel, worthless dollar, a recession. We can't afford
to lose any of that!
Jay Leno
v v v v v
"Take it from me, wrinkle cream doesn't work. I've been using it for
two years and my balls still look like raisins."
Harland Williams
v v v v v
v v v v v
"Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has reportedly entered therapy
for a sex addiction. Spitzer said his therapy is going well and
that his therapist has a fantastic rack."
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
I went running today during my lunch break. It's good for the
heart and helps keep my weight under control, unlike those tubby
bank security guards who couldn't keep up with me.
v v v v v
_3 Exercises for Better Hands - RealAge
Tip of the Day
You know what they say about strong hands, don't you? Better blood
pressure!
That's right. Hypertensive people in a small study slashed their systolic
blood pressure by 15 points after doing handgrip exercises
for just 8 weeks. Having
trouble opening those jelly jars? Here are three quick ways to start
getting a better grip.
Keeping Your Colon Healthy: Step One - RealAge
Tip of the Day
Does colon cancer run in your family? If so, ask your doctor about
a screening colonoscopy. This week. Really –
don't put it off.
Studies show that screening colonoscopies can prevent up to 80 percent of colon
cancer cases in people who fall into the high-risk category.
If you aren't high risk,
here's when you should start thinking about screening
ThirdAge: Rheumatoid Arthritis_ (http://www.thirdage.com/ebsco/files/21511.html
If you're interested in trying natural treatments you might find this site useful
v v v v v
It's amazing Larry, Moe and Curly remained friends all those
years. If one on my friends kept hitting me with a hammer on
purpose, I'd likely stop hanging out with him.
v v v v v
Consumer Awareness Alert!: Duct-taping several Twinkies
to your chest will not stop a bullet. Research into the
fired-projectile-halting characteristics of MoonPies, however,
will have to wait until I get out of the hospital.
v v v v v
movies883
Scroll way down
mental_floss Blog » 12 Presidential Candidates to Keep Your Eye On
Most political junkies can name all 16 major presidential candidates, but there
were 42 candidates on the ballots in the
New Hampshire primary! And that’s only the candidates running for the republican and democratic party nominations.
Who are all these people? Last March, I posted _Those Crazy Candidates_ (http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/4469) .
Now that the primary season has started, I look back and see that the article centered on celebrities and fictional characters,
including some who hadn’t
even declared. There are plenty of real people running that you’ve never
heard of.
v v v v v
The pop tart's turn as a lovestruck
receptionist gave a ratings
boost last
week to "How I Met
Your Mother." And
here we thought her second act
would be
as a permanent guest on
"Dr. Phil"!
The Top 7 Ways Britney Spears Could Help
Other TV Shows
7> "Drug Deal or No Drug Deal."
6> Speak, cry, have a fit, and maybe kiss Oprah on the lips.
5> The "CSI" team tackles the gruesome murder of a young pop
star's career.
4> She couldn't be any *less* accurate at predicting primary
results than any other "Meet the Press" pundit.
3> Substitute anchor on CNN Headline News. Wait, she's already
helping them plenty.
2> "This week, on a special 'Law & Order,' 'SVU' stand for
'Spears' Vagina Uncovered!'"
and the Number 1 Way
Britney Spears
Could Help
Other TV Shows...
1> Special this week: "Extreme Makeover: Ho' Edition."
v v v v v
I knew dressing up for Halloween as
"Britney's Vagina" was pushing the
envelope, but I probably went too far
when I forced the Trick-or-Treaters to
reach inside the costume for the candy.
(Mark D. Sabien)
You know, chicks don't seem to dig it when
you suggest they order the vegetable lasagna
"because the meat will be served later."
(Sib Mandrake)
My fiancee had a suggestion for a "simple,
quick dinner," and I stifled a smile and agreed.
The jokes on her, though: Macaroni and cheese
are okay, but I KNOW fish don't have dicks.
(Sebastian P.)
I just finished reading "As You Like It"
and that Shakespeare dude wasn't even
*close*. There wasn't a single cock
suck-eth or ass fuck-eth in there.
(John "Schmitty" Schmidt)
v v v v v
I've never left my heart in San Francisco. However, I did once
leave some toenail clippings outside the Topeka Greyhound station.
v v v v v
The Top 16 Signs Your Website Is Not Very 2.0
16> Yours in the only Website where communities can get
communicable diseases.
15> "This site best viewed with Mosaic Browser."
14> Your source code contains the statement: "<!-- Copyright
Charles Babbage 1830 >"
13> Your "social networking" site is nothing but a single page
with a long list of phone numbers.
12> Your hamsters are doing the minuet.
11> Instead of streaming video, your site sends someone to the
user's location with a slide projector.
10> You had to suspend your blog when your blanket caught fire
on the hot smoke.
9> Your highest browser penetration: WebTV 1.0.
8> The "Order now!" link next to merchandise brings up a simple
text page displaying a phone number.
7> "CDIV Fyle Nae Founde."
6> Your site just sits there yelling at the Web 2.0 sites to GET
THE HELL OFF ITS INTERNET!
5> The only thing that's user-generated: cease-and-desist letters.
4> Instead of uploading an avatar, the user is asked to
approximate his or her look in "ASCII art" using a
30x30
matrix of Courier New characters.
3> Language options are limited to Latin and Sanskrit.
2> The sample MP3s on the site are skipping.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Website Is Not Very 2.0...
1> Your corporate blog's editorial this week rails at "Congreff."
v v v v v
Nemesis
The Nemesis is a drink inherant of a Black
Russian, in that the only addition is that of Guinness. A friendly chap
called
Brian Haverty shared the recipe which, as far as he's aware, was invented by Martyn Budden in Australia.
1 oz vodka
1 oz coffee liqueur
5 oz Coca-Cola®
2 oz_Guinness® stout
Pour vodka and coffee liqueur over ice into a highball glass.
Top with coke, add Guinness, and serve.
Shimano
Created by Israeli duo Shai and Mano.
"The Shimano is a huge success back at Israel."
1 1/4 oz gin
3/4 oz watermelon schnapps
5 oz pomegranate juice
Serve over ice in a highball.
v v v v v
The service area was located on a main highway leading to The
beach. The pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired And
sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to tank Up. When
a rusty old van containing a very tired looking Couple and six
screaming children pulled into his station, The attendant tried
small talk to cheer the occupants.
"Hope you had a good day at the beach! Nice looking kids There. Are
they all yours, or is this a picnic?"
Wearily, the driver replied, "Yes, they are all mine, and it's
NO picnic!"
v v v v v
The shortest distance between two points is usually
under
construction
v v v v v
Click here: mental_floss Blog » Frankenfoods: Six Snacks Prepared In
The Lab
Weird snack foods!
Click here: Girlie
Middle Names
Can you match the celeb with his 'girlie' middle name!?
Click here: The Best of the
Bozeman Chronicle
Police Reports
Authentic reports of lighthearted lunacy for one of America's best-loved
lesser-known smaller Rocky Mountain town papers!
Click here: Marriage
Resource Center multimedia
Hilarious!!
*submitted by* jacksinfl@gmail.com
Click here: Flash » Honda
Accord Ad
Remember this? It never ceases to amaze me!
Click here: mental_floss Blog » Send Us Your Photos: The Oldest Thing You Own
We’re working on a new feature for mentalfloss.com involving
reader-submitted photos. To get things rolling, we’re putting out a call
for
photos of the oldest thing you own. 142 readers have already discussed this in text (for the comments, see _What’s the Oldest Thing You Own
and the greatest hits
re-post, but now we’re looking for photos.
To submit your photos for this project, drop them in an email to flossypics@gmail.com, include your name
(first name or full name — your choice),
your location, and a brief description.
Then stay tuned for the gallery!
And just to give this post some actual content, read up on the _oldest thing
on Earth
_Click here: RulesofThumb.org
A rule of thumb is a homemade recipe for making a guess. It is an
easy-to-remember guide that falls somewhere between a mathematical
formula and a shot in the dark. A farmer, for in­stance, knows to plant his corn when oak leaves are the size of squirrels' ears.
An economics profes­sor knows from sad experience that inviting more than 25 percent of the guests for a univer­sity
dinner party from the economics depart­ment ruins the conversation. Rules of thumb are a kind of tool. They help you appraise a
problem or situation. They make it easier to
consider the subtleties of the topic at hand; they give you a feel for a
subject.
v v v v v
Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil.
But you still don't want to get any on you.
v v v v v
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed.
"Doc,
you've got to help me. I can't go on like this. "
"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No
matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work
on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run
to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person,
a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real
conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."
The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the
office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same
downtrodden expression on his face.
" Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.
"It worked all right. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed
some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking
women."
"So, what's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does ."
v v v v v
The pastor's sermon focused on how God knows which of us grows
best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade.
"For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but
fuchsias thrive in the shade."
After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him.
"Your sermon did me so much good," she said.
Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always
wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."
v v v v v
Figuring Out How Spammers Get
E-Mail Addresses
Spammers employ a variety of methods to acquire e-mail addresses.
Some methods take advantage of the e-mail addresses readily
available on the Internet, whereas others employ different levels
of trickery, from harvesting to outright stealing.
v v v v v
"A new survey shows that beer
drinkers prefer John McCain to Hillary
Clinton. Which is surprising because you would think Hillary would
be more popular with guys who like a 'cold one.'"
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
We were tickled pink to
hear that the World
Cat Congress was held last week in
Houston.
Alack, the event proved to be but a cat
show.
But we couldn't help but wonder what
would
happen if our human legislators took
a cue
from the pussycats
across the aisle.
The Top 8 Differences If Congress Were Run Like
a Cat Show
8> Expensive, grandiose offices replaced by convenient,
economical crates.
7> "All in favor, say 'Aye.' All opposed, say 'Nay.' Everyone
else just look at me with that snarky glare that screams how
irritated you are with me for interrupting your nap."
6> "Today's C-SPAN coverage has been brought to you by IAMS."
5> Members of Congress are reduced to eye candy. All decisions
are made by the Supreme Court.
4> Out with points of order, in with hawking up furballs.
3> We'd still be planning to attack Iran, but this time the
official reason would be to get more Persian cats.
2> Instead of claiming credit for things they were not involved
in, they deny being involved in anything, routinely referring
you to the dog.
and the Number 1
Difference If
Congress Were Run Like a
Cat Show...
1> "Will the speaker yield the floor for ear skritches?"
v v v v v
v v v v v
There's a fascinating new industry cropping up
all around the world. Divorce party planning!
The
theory behind it being this is a whole new
phase
in your life, just as that ill-fated wedding
was.
So our contributors gave us some ideas of
how
they'd celebrate a divorce. Needless
to say,
we're not advocating the deaths of
marriages.
We're just making the most of what could be
a
painful (or joyful, depending) rite of
passage.
The Top 9 Ways to Celebrate Your
Divorce
9> Stay out all night, drinking and going to gay bars. You know,
the same things that lead to the divorce in the first place.
8> Blow all the money you have left throwing a party with your
girlfriends. Buy chocolate and marshmallows to make S'mores
over the burning remains of the wedding and vacation albums.
7> Post a message on Craig's List: "Moving: All furniture must
go! Free! Just pick up on Tuesday between 10am and 4pm."
Post your Ex's address.
6> Send an anonymous letter to O.J. Simpson telling him your
ex-husband bought some of his personal memorabilia off eBay.
5> Tell him there's a good reason why the children like his
brother Bob better than him.
4> Have a T-shirt made with his picture on the front and "I'm No
Longer With Stupid" on it.
3> Wait a few years, then send your ex a case of tarnish cleaner
for the trophy wife.
2> Nothing gets you over one woman like gettin' under the next!
and the Number 1 Way to Celebrate Your Divorce...
1> Put your wooden leg in a jar by the door and head for Penny
Lane to buy one made of Norwegian Wood.
v v v v v
by deb
_Click here: Twilight of the Books: A Critic at Large: The
New Yorker
alarming are indications that Americans are losing not just the will
to read but even the ability. According to the Department of Education,
between 1992 and 2003 the average adult’s skill in reading prose slipped one point on a five-hundred-point scale, and the proportion who were proficient—
capable of such tasks as “comparing viewpoints in two editorials”—declined from fifteen per cent to thirteen. How awful!
Standing Still
by Kelly Simmons
Journalist and suburban mom Claire Cooper suffers from panic disorder. Most of her anxieties seem irrational, nothing that can't
be fixed with the help of some Xanax. But late one stormy summer night, when her husband, Sam, is away on one of his frequent business trips,
Claire's fears come to life. She discovers an intruder has broken into her young daughter's bedroom. She watches helplessly as he picks up her
sleeping child from her bed.
Desperate to protect her family, Claire puts herself in the line of fire and
utters the plea that will undo her: "Take me instead."
As she drives away in the kidnapper's car, Claire fears for her children, but
not for herself. And she can't help noticing the reversal in her marriage –
for the first time in ten years, Sam will not know where she is.
This was a wonderful book - not the same old tired storyline either! Easy read and a lot
of women will understand the fear of having their home broken into - and trying
to protect their child/children. Looking forward to this author writing another book!
v v v v v
Yesterday I got even with my dentist. When he was finished I said,
"This may hurt a little, Doc...I don't have any money."
v v v v v
It's been
all over the news: the FDA said
that a heparin-like contaminant
found in
heparin and linked to several deaths has
been
identified in crude lots of the drug
at a
Chinese processing plant. We here at
Top5Med
don't believe it was an isolated
case...
The Top 9 Signs Your Patients Got
Contaminated Meds
9> His condition was just upgraded from dead to undead.
8> Flu shots suddenly cause massive muscle growth and
homerun-hitting ability.
7> His "insulin" smells astonishingly like a fresh Krispy Kreme.
6> According to the blood test, he's 12 weeks pregnant.
5> He's barking like a dog with Tourettes.
4> You used to think "sh*tting bricks" was just an expression.
3> The bottle says it's Tylenol, but it sure smells like a Corona.
2> You're pretty sure the saline solution isn't supposed to have
a rainbow slick on top of it.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Patients Got Contaminated Meds...
1> When the vial labels are translated, they read "Chinese Toy
Paint Added To Delight Coloring."
v v v v v
Telekinesis: Free
iPhone Remote
by Chris
Add to iTunes
Add to YouTube Add
to Google
RSS Feed
There is an open-source program available that will allow you to run
your Mac from your iPhone! This is not a “hack”.
It’s a legitimate piece of software, that you can
obtain for free. Control and use your Mac with ease, right from your
iPhone!
Telekinesis is an
open-source application from Google, that will allow you to do just this.
Install the software on your Mac,
connect to it with your iPhone, and perform some or all of these functions:
* Stream music and videos from your
computer
* Screen capture with mouse click and basic typing
support
* Simple iTunes Remote control
* Browse your files
* Run applescript remotely
* iSight image capture
* Basic Spotlight search
* Easily create and add more applications
This is so simple and helpful. If I’m on the road, or traveling in
another state even, I can easily access my Mac if there’s a file I need.
If I forget to update my music, no problem! I can just log into my Mac and listen to it from there. Oh wait! I could also open documents on the Mac,
edit them, and then save them into a Google Document. This
will definitely make my life… and yours… MUCH easier.
v v v v v
WHITE CHOCOLATE
CHEESECAKE
INGREDIENTS:
CRUST:
1-1/2 cups chocolate wafer crumbs
1/3 cup butter, melted
FILLING:
8 ounces white chocolate
1 pound cream cheese
1/2 cup granulated sugar
3 eggs
1 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon grated orange rind
1 teaspoon vanilla
TOPPING:
1 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
(Garnish: Chocolate curls & 1 tablespoon icing sugar)
DIRECTIONS:
Crust: In bowl, combine wafer crumbs with butter; press
into 9-inch springform pan. Filling: In top of double boiler
over hot, not boiling, water, melt white chocolate; let
cool for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, in large bowl, beat cream
cheese with sugar until light. Beat in eggs, 1 at a time.
Beat in white chocolate, sour cream, orange rind and vanilla.
Pour over crust; bake in 350F oven for 40 to 45 minutes or
until just set. Topping: Combine sour cream, sugar and
vanilla; spread over hot cake and return to oven for 3 to 5
minutes or until set. Immediately run knife around edge of
cake to loosen. Let cool completely. Garnish: Mound chocolate
curls over cake; dust lightly with icing sugar. Chill.
Yield: 10 to 12 servings
v v v v v
A man from Oregon is pregnant.
Okay,
really, it's a transgendered
woman who
has retained just enough female
bits to
maintain a pregnancy.
Regardless...
The
Top 10 Complaints of a Pregnant Man
10> He'll never whine again about passing a kidney stone.
9> Once the baby's born, he's going to miss the handy shelf he's
been resting his beer on.
8> Thanks to morning sickness, a hangover is no longer the solo
reason to go running for the john to blow.
7> Flannel shirts really chafe the nipples.
6> His healthy pregnancy glow is constantly being hidden by five
o'clock shadow.
5> Even a Manssiere doesn't supply enough support.
4> Watching NASCAR makes him uncontrollably weepy.
3> Once his feet swell, the bowling shoes don't fit anymore.
2> Every time his feet go in the stirrups for an exam, the
six-shooter's in the way.
and the Number 1 Complaint of a Pregnant Man...
1> Cant get a good lap dance anymore, as the working girls keep
cooing to him about nursery themes.
v v v v v
v v v v v
Census Taker: "How many children do you
have?"
Redneck Woman: "Fo'."
Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?"
Redneck Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George."
Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your
fourth child 'George'?"
Redneck Woman: "Because we didn't want any Mo'."
v v v v v
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the
modish young lady.
"What's to be proud?" asked the old man.
"I noticed that when you sneeze you've learned to put your hand in
front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my
teeth?"
v v v v v
Peanut
Butter and Chocolate Cheesecake Bites
This very rich and very creamy dessert is perfect for a crowd
event. Cheesecake itself symbolizes holiday fun, but it's
delicious year-round. These bite-sized cheesecakes are easy to
serve; a big plus! More
Deluxe
Corn Bread Casserole
Deluxe corn bread casserole falls somewhere between really moist
corn bread and a cheesy spoon bread. The casserole starts with a
box mix, so you can make this side dish in no time flat. Kids and
adults will love it; and it's the perfect accompaniment to
chicken, turkey, and even meat loaf. More
v v v v v
What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out
and vote.
v v v v v
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline
check-in counter.
As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage
and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.
"No," he sighed forlornly. "I left the tickets on it."
v v v v v
v v v v v
On his honeymoon, Todd insisted on having a
room with a balcony
overlooking the sea.
On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from
the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.
"Todd, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to
savor for the first time," she says coyly.
"No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said.
So his bride sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after
which she invited Todd once more to come in off the balcony to take
pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused.
Eventually she grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed
and fell asleep.
In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.
"Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been
making love all night?" she asked.
"Well my dad said the first night of my marriage would be the most
beautiful night of my whole life and I didn't want to miss a moment
of it."
v v v v v
REAL LIFE DEFINITIONS
Adult Education - a strenuous effort to learn stuff that bored you when
you were young enough to profit from it
Bride - a woman who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband
carries her across the threshold
Career Girl - a woman who gets a man's salary without marrying one
Clever Girl - a woman who knows how to give a man her own way
Education - what you have left over when you subtract what you've
forgotten from what you've learned
Experience - what you think you have until such time you acquire more
Good breeding - that quality which enables a person to wait in well
mannered silence, while the loudmouth gets service
Idiot - any person who fails to see your point in a discussion
Lawyer - a cat that settles differences between two mice
v v v v v
Mexico's
Best Beach Vacation Towns
Mexico has a multitude of stunning beaches — in a variety
of forms — any of which will make for a great vacation.
Here are some of the best beach getaways. More
v v v v v
OLDIE but goodie!
There once were four gay
friends that lived in a small town. Feeling
the need for freedom to truly be themselves, they moved to the big city.
Once there they had a good ole time, but unfortunately one of them,
Lloyd, fell into the drug scene and ended up with aids.
After his death his three friends had his body cremated and got
together to divide his ashes so each could remember Lloyd in his own way.
The first friend said,"I am going to take Lloyd's ashes with me to the
top of the highest mountain. There I will have a hang glider and as I
glide to earth I will scatter his ashes to the wind, because Lloyd
loved to hang glide."
The second friend said, "Well, I am going to go out on my boat with
Lloyd's ashes and sail into the sea. And when I am far away from all
land I will scatter his ashes on the water, because Lloyd loved to sail."
The third friend just looked and them both and said, "Well, you can do
whatever you want, but as for me, I'm taking Lloyd's ashes with me to
Wendy's and sprinkling them on a bowl of chili so he can tear my ass up
one more time!"
v v v v v
A politician running hard for office toured the country
on a
whirlwind campaign that took him from Portland, Maine, to
Portland, Oregon, and from Anchorage to Miami -- as well
as to every backwoods hamlet and village between the larger
centers.
And like other office-seekers, the campaigning politician always
took his wife along, especially to the more remote locations.
"But it proved of little use," he said to a friend, "she always
found her way back."
v v v v v
Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml)
v v v v v
Mary: "So somehow we started
talking about doctors and hospitals and
surgeries, and I told him about my breast surgery."
Jill: "And then?"
Mary: "Well, naturally, he asked, "Could I just SEE 'em?"
Jill: "And you told him no, I hope."
Mary: "Yeah, I said, No, 'just see 'em' becomes 'just touch 'em, 'and
'just touch 'em' becomes 'just kiss 'em,' and 'just kiss 'em' becomes
'just suck 'em.' and..."
Jill: "And what?"
Mary: "And I asked, Wanna see 'em in the bedroom?"
v v v v v
Women!
First they marry you for your money....then they divorce you for it!
v v v v v
Report: Microsoft won't launch iPhone rival | Tech News on ZDNet
Microsoft will not launch a product that competes directly with _Apple's
iPhone_ (http://www.cnet.com/apple-iphone.html) ,
the software company's chairman, Bill Gates, said in an interview with Germany's Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung. "
No, we won't do that. In the so-called smartphone business we will concentrate solely on software with our Windows Mobile program,"
Gates was quoted as saying in the interview,
which was published on Wednesday.
Smart move Bill
First iPhone Trojan in the wild | Tech News on ZDNet
The first warnings about the Trojan were posted on Saturday on the iPhone
modification forum ModMyiFone.com, said security vendor F-Secure.
When installed, the Trojan appeared to do
nothing more than display the word "shoes", according to the
ModMyiFone post.
However, when a user attempted to uninstall the malicious code, the
application wiped files from the /bin directory, breaking "Erica's
Utilities"
such as sendfile. Erica's Utilities are a collection of command-line utilities for the iPhone, according to security vendor Symantec, which warned on
Monday that the Trojan also overwrites
OpenSSH, an open-source encryption protocol.
The Trojan, known as "iPhone firmware 1.1.3 prep", or "113
prep", is the first to be seen in the wild, according to
Symantec researcher Orla Cox.
v v v v v
A patient, while recovering in the
hospital from a heart attack, met
this over-zealous evangelist.
After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he
should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he
was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the
heart attack.
The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack lasted only 6 hours!"
v v v v v
SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH
LEMON & BASIL
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 1/4 pounds fresh sugar snap peas, or two (10-ounce)
packages thawed frozen sugar snap peas
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
1/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh basil
1/2 teaspoon grated lemon zest
1/2 lemon, cut in wedges
DIRECTIONS:
Heat the oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.
Add the peas; season with salt and pepper. Stir-fry until
the peas are crisp-tender, 3 minutes for fresh or 2 minutes
for thawed frozen sugar snaps. Add the basil and lemon zest;
stir-fry until the basil is wilted and fragrant. Serve
immediately with lemon wedges.
v v v v v
v v v v v
"Jay-Z and Beyonce — it has been confirmed: they finally
tied the knot. They got married. If you want get them
something, they are registered at 'Bed, Bath, & Booty.'"
Craig Ferguson
v v v v v
"Taxes are due next week. We all hate paying taxes, but
without our tax money, many politicians would not be able
to afford prostitutes."
Jimmy Kimmel
v v v v v
WebPacMan - Play Free Pacman Game Online free, download Ms pacman
Several versions of PacMan -- and some other fun games as well
*submitted by* gwarren1961@yahoo.com
MyMiniCity
Build your own city! No need to sign up, nothing to download.
Follow it's evolution from your web browser
Lunchtimers
- Multi user Online Flash Games: Just Letters, The
Scratchpad and more
Some of these timewasters are cool - love the alphabet board where you
drag letters - it's in real time
so others are trying to make words, sentences as well. Fight over a
letter? LOL it's fun
v v v v v
06' Suzuki GSXR 1000, $9,000
This bike is perfect! It has only 1,000 miles and has had
its 500 mile dealer service.
It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the
ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it
because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving
wife. Apparently "Do whatever you want." doesn't mean what
I thought. Call Steve. 555-1212.
v v v v
v
Thomas Beatie was
born a woman and had a
sex-change operation but kept his/her
reproductive
organs. Thomas is now pregnant.
Hmmmm.
The Top 9 Differences If
Men Got Pregnant
9> Nursing bras now available in camo.
8> One less Arnold comedy in the world.
7> Based on how they deal with beer bellies, *guys* wouldn't be
deterred from strutting down the beach in a Speedo at 8 1/2
months.
6> Mellower kids, due to the fetal-calming vibrations from
lawnmowers and power tools.
5> Not sure how carrying the baby would be different, but how the
hell is the kid coming out?
4> Surely they'd figure out a way to carry it on the outside
using duct tape and bungee cords.
3> After the first man had a bout of morning sickness, all
fetuses would be removed via C-section and put into incubation
tanks until fully developed.
2> Pampers is now the biggest NASCAR sponsor.
and the Number 1 Difference if Men Got Pregnant...
1> "Now John, you're going to have to stop drinking and eating
junk food for 9 months." "Well then it's time for an
abortion."
v v v v v
A drunk walks up to the host of a party and says,
"'Scuse me, but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you?"
The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says,
"No, I don't have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you.'"
"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk," I think I just
wiped my
ass with your parrot."
v v v v v
neatnettricks
If you're receiving Windows Updates and choose not to immediately restart
your computer after they've installed, y
ou'll be incessantly nagged with a reminder. If that bugs you like it does me, you can rid yourself of this annoyance by clicking on
Start|Run and type in that box "cmd" (without the quotes), then Enter. In the next screen, type "sc stop wuauserv" (again without the quotes),
press Enter, and close the screen. Thereafter, you'll receive the Windows Updates as before, but you won't have to tolerate the nag screen.
v v v v v
My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.
One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father
stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?"
he asked.
Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes,
I'd love to!"
They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until much later
that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been
directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the
kitchen floor.
v v v v v
Lewis and Jethro were standing around talking sports. Lewis is
a football freak and Jethro is a baseball fanatic. I swear, if
some professional ball player were to stop by the office and
whip out his johnson one of these guys would kiss it.
"So both of you guys sit around watching sports all weekend?"
I asked.
"I watch as many games as I can," drawled Jethro. "I got me
the
Direct TV baseball package!"
"I have the Direct TV football package," said Lewis.
"Who needs Direct TV?" I said. "I got my own package to keep
me busy."
v v v v v
If I ever
got a job making toothpicks, it
would be because that job just fell
into my
lap, because I don't see myself ever
applying
for a job that requires me to make
toothpicks.
(Derek Winsworth)
I
rolled the victim over and saw the two
stiletto-heeled pumps in the back of his
head.
He'd definitely been shod
execution-style.
(Brian J. Noggle)
After finishing
the last Harry Potter book,
I was disappointed. The first three books
were
great, but the last few, it really seemed
like
the author just started making
stuff up.
(L. Bettencourtt)
Take it from
me, the cavity search they do
at the airport is MUCH more thorough
than
the one your dentist does. I
didn't even
know you could GET cavities
down there.
(Scott E.
Frank)
v v v v v
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on
a 92-year-old
man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to
the hospital for evaluation.
En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine
his level of awareness.
Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing
right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the
ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe
55."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Play Bowmans Online Strip Poker with Bowmans International - the most trusted sportsbook online
Yep - and she's real
...trapped alone....running out of air...Apollo 13?
Here!
Trick or treat? UH HUH!
Here!
Pick a card!
Here!
One Mouth, Two hands and she is your dream come true!!!
Here!
New weed trimmer...
Here!
Booby Traps
Here
Hang on! Here comes an angry kitty!
Here!
Bitch bitch bitch!
Here!
Information
Here!
Cockfights!
Here!
I said "big clock"!
Here!
v v v v v
Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or
warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on
operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
v v v v v
Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on
rockin'
it's a state of
mind
v v v v v
©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin - All
rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
v v v v v
