Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
WHINER
Know what drives me nuts? Someone who whines all the time. Seriously.
I am sure you have all noticed that is what I have turned into I suppose. I have
enjoyed putting out this newsletter for NINE YEARS. It seems that now it's one problem
after another. I'm embarrassed by the way the newsletter looks - the spacing is
wrong -- see -- it's double spacing right now! I don't know what to do. Just know that
I am working on what to do to make it look like it does when I submit it.
On to why you're here:
Be careful when surfing the Internet.
I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there
and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break
my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send
an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be
a wild ride!
Sure, we're all going to die
-- but celebrities
have their images to consider even in
death.
The Top 17 Celebrity Epitaphs
17> Britney Spears: "Reunited with her career."
16> O.J. Simpson: "*If* I were dead, this is where I would be
buried."
15> Dick Cheney: "Just hanging out here until sundown."
14> Ron Jeremy: "That lump next to your left foot? That's no
anthill."
13> Abe Vigoda: "Yes, really."
12> Bugs Bunny: "Ashes to ashes, bunny to dust bunny, Doc."
11> Johnny Knoxville: "In retrospect, going into the lion cage
with steaks attached to my body may have been a *bit* too
much."
10> Hugh Hefner: "If anyone asks, I was an al-Qaeda martyr."
9> Tim Burton: "Now THIS is cool."
8> Hillary Clinton: "I *told* you we needed better health care!"
7> Woody Allen: "I told you Mia had a gun!"
6> George W. Bush: "Here lies President George W. Bush -
repeatedly."
5> Bill Clinton: "I can see up your skirt."
4> Mel Gibson: "The plot next to me is still open, sugar tits."
3> Nicole Richie: "Finally hit her goal weight."
2> Al Gore: "The CO2 from this decomposing corpse is offset by
TerraPass."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Celebrity Epitaph...
1> Homer Simpson: "Mmmmmm... worms."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
One year, Johnny's family was having an "extended family" 4th of July
cookout at their home.
One of the special treats that year was lighting the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.)
they had bought out of state (they're illegal in their state, of course!).
Just before they were to arrive, a cousin called, saying his neighbors'
plans had just fallen through and asking if he bring them along to the picnic
-- they even had extra food to bring. "Sure, the more the merrier!"
When the cousin arrived with his neighbors, it was discovered that the head of
that family
was a police officer. Johnny's father turned as innocently as he could to his son and whispered to
him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly.
Johnny disappeared, and the father changed the topic to food for the day. This family had brought some
chicken to grill, so the father told them the gas grill was all set to use out back –
they just had to turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed.
They headed out to the back as Johnny returned through the front door.
The father hurried to him and said, "Whew, that was close! That man's a police officer,
and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?"
"Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill"
v v v v v
Sparkling Mary Pickford
Based on the popular Mary Pickford Cocktail.
Apparently, a barkeeper once
thought that a drink named after the movie star should be as "sparkling" as the diva herself.
3 cl white rum
3 cl pineapple juice
1 tsp grenadine syrup
100 ml Brut® Champagne
Shake rum, pineapple juice and grenadine with
about 4 ice cubes. Strain into the glass and fill up with
ice-cold champagne.
The Ray-Ray
Bored with gin-and-tonics, folks on the east
coast have been drinking gin and
Cel-Ray (celery flavored soda) for quite some time. However, the lack of a catchy name has
prevented this refreshing concoction from gaining nationwide appeal. Not only does Tanque*ray*
and Cel-*Ray*, taste great, it sounds great too! So whether you're relaxing at the club during
brunch or starting off the evening at your favorite hipster hang out, ask for a "Ray-Ray" and spread the word!
1 1/2 oz Tanqueray® gin
6 oz Dr. Brown's® Cel-Ray soda
Fill a highball glass with ice. Pour in a shot of Tanqueray Gin. Fill the
remainder of the glass with
Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda. Stir. Garnish with a small
sprig of celery if desired.
v v v v v
The Top 9 Side Effects of Microchipping
9> The cat? Sleeping on the desk next to your computer.
The computer? Reformatted.
8> When outfitted with a USB 2.0 leash, Fido now syncs to iTunes.
7> Parental blocking keeps Rover from licking himself and humping
legs during hours when children might be watching.
6> The cat keeps trying to assimilate the hamster to the collective.
5> Doubles the weight of your toy poodle.
4> OnStar reps call you night and day to notify you that Mittens'
tuna levels are dangerously low.
3> If the cat is sleeping on the PlayStation console, you get
access to a secret level and a free power-up.
2> It adds two gigs of memory to your parrot's speech module, so
Polly can tell you exactly the brand, style and flavor of
cracker for which she has a hankering.
and the Number 1 Side Effect of Microchipping...
1> Do you have any idea how hard it is to reboot a cat?
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*subscribed*
BADVETTE87
v v v v v
The Top 10 Signs You Need
to Improve
the
Quality of Your Sex Partners
10> The clown make-up is kinda kinky, but the shoes, horn and
seltzer bottle just aren't cutting it.
9> His idea of "dinner and a show" is grabbing a bag of pork
rinds at 7-Eleven and watching the TVs in Wal-Mart.
8> After sex, all she wants to do is cuddle -- with your *other*
blow-up doll.
7> Not only has he NOT found your G-spot, he keeps trying to
poke you in your A-hole.
6> He politely asks, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
-- and you weren't even aware *it* had started yet.
5> The best ride he ever gave you was on a beat-up Schwinn.
4> The way her large Adam's Apple keeps twitching makes you
lose your concentration.
3> His ideas for new positions invariably revolve around not
missing any of the baseball game on TV.
2> Sure, he's hung like a horse -- a seahorse.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
You Need
to Improve the Quality of Your Sex
Partners...
1> The only satisfying love-making session you've had was the
time she had the hiccups.
v v v v v
Artwork. License Plate Map by Aaron Foster (mounted): PlatesUSA_
The USA made out of license plates
66
Celebrities that Blog
Interested in
celebrities? Some of them have blogs too - if you're interested
Considering a Flickr Site - For
Dummies
Photo sharing is one of the greatest uses of the Web.
Flickr is the most popular
photo-sharing Web site around, largely because it's so easy to use.
Photos have a mixed track record on the Web. Scanning in a
printed photo was a hassle.
But an even bigger problem was that photos tended to be big (many megabytes in size), and therefore
slow to upload to a site and
slow to download when someone wanted to see a Web page with a photo.
ShangralaFamilyFun.com - Shangrala's WWI Human
Art!
This is pretty amazing --
lots and lots of people coming together to make art
Howstuffworks "How
Web Pages Work"
Have you ever wondered how a Web page works? Have you ever wanted to
create your own Web page,
complete with titles and text and graphic icons? Have you ever heard the word "HTML"
and wondered what it means?
If so, visit this site
Earn Your PhV!
There are plenty of Steves in the world (and many of 'em are good guys).
And then there are those who prefer to be called Steven or Stephen. These 10 men are famous
enough to go by whatever
name they like. But which ones like to spell their names with a PH, and which
ones with a V?
Go, Team Go?
Professional sports franchises don't always stick close to home. Match
the
team on the left to
its former name.
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HOT BROCCOLI DIP
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup fresh broccoli florets, chopped (about 6 oz.)
2 TBSP onion, chopped
2 TBSP red bell, chopped
1 oz (1/4 cup) Parmesan cheese, grated
1 garlic clove, pressed
1 cup (4 oz.) shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup fat-free sour cream
1/2 cup fat-free mayonnaise
1/8 tsp ground black pepper
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Chop broccoli, onion, and
bell pepper; place in a mixing bowl. Reserve 2 TBSP of the
parmesan cheese and add the rest plus remaining ingredients
to vegetables and mix well. Spoon into a small baking dish
and bake 20-25 minutes or until heated through. Sprinkle
remaining 2 TBS parmesan cheese over top and serve with
crackers, french bread or pita chips.
YIELD: 2 cups (16 servings)
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O.J. Simpson's new book is
doing so well on Amazon.com right now,
he is planning to release a book from this situation. It's called
"How I would've Stolen the Sports Memorabilia From a Sports Hotel
Room in Vegas - Which I didn't Do - but if I Did"
Jimmy Kimmel
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by deb
BookBump | Simply Books
The idea behind BookBump is to give you a way to manage your book
collection.
It takes inspiration from a highly effective iTunes interface and it lets you
initiate and maintain your
personal book catalog. Cool, huh?!
You can start by entering your books into the library. Books can be
entered by putting in the ISBN number
or by entering the name of the book, the author or other keywords that describe it.
The search results are displayed in a pane on the right side of the page and you can go through the various options provided.
Double clicking one of the result options adds the book to your library. You can also search a book by its
country of origin.
A Short Guide to a Happy Life
by Anna Quindlen
In this unusual and beautiful book, Quindlen reflects on what it takes to
"get a life"
--to live deeply and uniquely rather than to merely get through our days.
Beautifully designed with evocative photos, the handbook offers guidance on how to live with awareness.
25 photos.
Fantastic book - the author really understands life, facing mortality, living
life being as happy
as you can be - I loved each and every page - You'll read this book in
a matter of minutes
but the words will live with you forever.
v v v v v
A tourist is walking on a country road, when a farmer comes
along with his horse-drawn cart.
"Excuse me, is this the road to Suwalki?", the tourist asks.
"Yes, it is," says the farmer.
"How far is it?"
"Half an hour ... By cart."
"May I ride with you?"
"Certainly."
After half an hour the tourist begins to grow uneasy.
"How much further is it to Suwalki ... By cart?", he queries.
"Oh, an hour or so."
"What? You told me it was only half an hour away, and
we've been travelling that long already!"
"Yes, but in the opposite direction."
v v v v v
Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a
while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be
prayed over. Bubba gets in line.
When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me
to pray about?" Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for
my hearing."
So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other
hand On top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes,
he Removes his hands and says, "Bubba how's your hearing now?"
Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday
at the Federal Courthouse In Montgomery ."
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v v v v v
Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and realize
it's a workday again and the weekend is over, the first day of
the week is called Moanday.
Many people too busy to cook on the second day of the week just
open a can of beans. Hence the day is known as Tootsday.
By the third day of the week, people are wondering when they can
ever find the time to get everything done this week that they need
to, hence the day is known as Whensday.
Too bleary to even count properly, people think it's only Day
Three of the week on the next day, therefore it's erroneously
called Thirdsday.
On the last day of the workweek, people often go out "for a few"
after work. By the time they get home, they're too tired to cook
anything elaborate, so they just throw a piece of meat, chicken,
or fish in the skillet. That's why the day is known as Fryday.
Saturday night all the singles let loose. There's a lot of sexual
hijinks. It's pretty obvious why the day is called Satyrday.
And on the last day of the week--and the weekend--people look at
all the items on their to-do lists that didn't get crossed off,
groan aloud, and make themselves promises they won't keep. Therefore
the day is called Soonday.
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By Christopher Breen mailto:mac911@macworld.com
Mac 911 Tip of the Week
Reader Randy H. would like to know how to end the hidden activities of
some of his applications. He writes: "How do I list all the running
programs in my Mac -- and stop the hidden parts of the ones I've quit?
This question assumes that covert remnants of programs are running
subsurface and do not show on the Force Quit list, as evidenced when
the Mac gets slow or even locks up or almost. Not a frequent event,
but when it happens I give up and do a time-wasting restart. (On the
PC, many programs run hidden; same with Mac?)"
Activity Monitor (which you'll find in the Utilities folder inside
your Applications folder) lists all currently running applications --
both those that Force Quit can see as well as hidden applications.
When I suspect that a hidden process is mucking up the works, I launch
Activity Monitor and, from the pop-up menu at the top of the window,
choose My Processes. This shows just running "real" applications (and
their associated helper programs) and widgets. None of the hidden Unix
stuff appears in the window (which is good, because you don't want to
mess with this stuff unless you really, really know what you're
doing.)
Most items that appear are intuitively named and some even have icons
that hint at their association. For example, Microsoft's Database
Daemon, which is associated with Entourage, has an Entourage-like
icon. iChatAgent likewise bears an iChat icon.
When I've located an item that appears to be gumming up the works (a
helper application that didn't quit with its host application, for
example), I select it and click the Quit Process button at the top of
the window.
Activity Monitor offers this additional advantage: It can show you
what's occupying your Mac's mind. Just click the % CPU column to see
which applications are hammering on your Mac's CPU. Or take a look at
the Real memory column to view the RAM-hogs you're running.
Note that quitting the hidden processes may do you no good whatsoever.
For example, if I've had a browser open for a few days, my Mac slows
down. Quitting processes in Activity Monitor does no good. Rather than
mess around looking for the culprit, I do the expedient thing -- I
restart my Mac -- and I'm back to working at normal speed.
v v v v v
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6
is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
v v v v v
"You know why O.J. originally went to
Las Vegas? For a wedding. He ends
up in jail. Boy that's a bad weekend! Either one of those is a
nightmare, but both of them! How many guys would take jail over
the wedding?"
Jay Leno
v v v v v
v v v v v
"The U.N has evidence of global warming. And right now they are
working hard, around the clock to do nothing about it."
Dave Letterman
v v v v v
During the wedding
reception in the family mansion, the bride's
Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in
her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money".
By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the
family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her
sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she
was going. "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's
important that I have them."
"Oh you youngsters !" the Grandmother sighed. "You march
yourself
right back upstairs and grab hold of that damm thing with your
bare hands just as I did your Grandfather's."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Casseroles
101 Simple Appetizers in 20 Minutes or Less - New York
Times
Here is a collection of party foods that are as easy to eat as they are to
make.
Each can be produced in 20 minutes or less. Many can be served at room temperature.
And none require a plate. (Few people can juggle plate, wineglass and fork successfully, let alone gracefully.)
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
THINGS YOU LEARNED FROM LIVING IN The South
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in The South .
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in The South plus a couple
no one's seen before.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra.
"Fixinto" is one word.
There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then
there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're two. We do like
a little tea with our sugar!
Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done
or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
day.
"Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
You know what a "DAWG" is.
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car .
There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
require 6
pages for
local gossip and sports.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin"
or off to "Wally World."
A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . .
it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no stinking driver's Ed . . .. if our mama says we can
drive, we can drive.
If you understand these jokes, share them to your friends from The
South (and those who just wish they
were).
EVERYONE can't be a Southerner; it takes talent. You might say it's an art
form or a gift from God!
v v v v v
Asking about your mother's home town is supposed to help legitimate sites protect your
online accounts--but experts say hackers know
more about you than you might think.
Read More
v v v v v
We've all been there.
That painful, stressful
first meeting with the SO's parents. Some of
us
handle it better than others. Our
contributors
decided to handle it very,
very badly.
The Top 9 Worst First Lines To
The Parents
9> "It's an honor to meet you both. Let me be the first to say
that both your daughters are REALLY good in bed."
8> "You may have noticed that I'm a priest."
7> "Your daughter was the hottest volunteer at the meth clinic."
6> "Do you want me to start calling you 'mom and dad,' or should
we just skip ahead a few months and start calling you 'grandma
and grandpa' now?"
5> "Whoa! So THAT's where Jenny gets her huge bazongas!"
4> "Don't worry, no matter how much I drink, I'll get her home on
time"
3> "Pleased to meet you, sir. Your daughter tells me you're a
real douchebag."
2> "My god, is that what she's going to look like in 30 years?"
and the Number 1 Worst First Line To The Parents...
1> "Heil Hitler!"
v v v v v
A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could
think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and
that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said,
"Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere
and he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the
woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode
Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
v v v v v
Going
Wireless with Vista
Using Windows Vista to connect a wireless network is much easier and
simpler when you compare it with
Windows XP. So much so that you can connect your Vista computer to a home wireless network or public
network without hardly any trouble at all. Also, Vista is now capable of detecting a non-broadcasting wireless network
(hidden SSID), so you're able to configure it as a preferred network. That feature is not supported in Windows XP.
Let's check out all the differences now!
So, assuming you already have a wireless adapter and a driver installed on
your computer,
go to the Start menu and click on Connect
To.
First of all, you need to connect to the network window that appears.
This window will show all the available connections,
which are dial-up, VPN and wireless, but your focus is on the wireless connection. Scroll down the list and select the
wireless network you wish to connect and then hit the
Connect button.
Note: If the network you choose is a security-enabled network, it will
require authentication.
If that happens, one of the following will occur:
*
If the network key is automatically provided by your network or system
administrator
(that is, the network supports IEEE 802.1x), the connection
will be made automatically.
*
If the network key is not automatically provided, type in your key.
The key can be a WEP, WPA or WPA2 encryption key.
*
Once you're connected to the wireless network, the connection will show
up as connected
*
If you right click the connected wireless network and click
Properties,
you will be able to see the connection setting of the network and you can then make further configurations,
if needed. For example, set it as a preferred network to connect automatically.
Check through the settings and play with them until you have everything just the way you want them.
v v v v v
Vegetable Gardening - The Helpful Gardener
Nothing tastes better than vegetables picked fresh from your own garden.
There’s a certain satisfaction to serving and eating food that you yourself have
grown and harvested. Although they typically demand a good bit of space,
vegetables can even be grown in window boxes. Everyone, then, can experience the
many joys of the kitchen garden. read more
v v v v v
The Top 6 Interview Questions Asked of Perfume Sales Candidates
6> If a train leaves New York going east at 75mph, and at the
same time another train leave Los Angeles going west at
100mph, how many times can you spray this perfume in someone's
face by the time the trains pass each other?
5> Just how obnoxious CAN you be?
4> Do you believe that you can wear too much perfume?
3> How well do you sneak up on a unsuspecting shopper?
2> A potential patron walks briskly past. Do you a) Spritz them,
b) Spritz them, or c) Spritz them a lot?
and the Number 1
Interview Question
Asked of Perfume Sales
Candidates...
1> Elizabeth Taylor, Britney Spears and Coco Chanel are drowning.
Which one do you spritz first and with what scent?
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Blow Jobs - A Man's Rebuttal
1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it.
If you don't,
we'll find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef"
mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your
hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth
is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days,
you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we
get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
(Well, unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
v v v v v
Dealing with Your Dog's Pack-Mentality
Aggression
Aggressiveness in dogs comes in three types (or drives): prey,
pack, and defense. The triggers are different in each drive, and
so is the management, or cure. Discovering how to anticipate your
dog's reaction under certain situations is part of managing his behavior.
v v v v v
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic
condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he
announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "what makes them so
special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and
Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver? It would be
nice if you came second for a change!"
v v v v v
The Top 10 Events in the Masturbatathlon
10> Javelin Polish
9> Pummel Hose
8> Standing Dry Hump
7> Knobsled
6> Triple Pump
5> Toe-Curling
4> 1-Meter
Dash-to-Lock-the-Bathroom-Door-Because-You-Just-
Heard-Your-Wife-Come-Home
3> Hayek Jump
2> Clean & Jerk & Squirt
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Event in the Masturbatathlon...
1> Four-Man Lube
v v v v v
v v v v v
The Top 8 Reasons to Shave Your Pubic Hair
(Part II)
8> You can take that invigorating smell of Turtle Wax with
you wherever you go.
7> It helps to pass the time while you're not getting laid.
6> It removes the confusion of which strand is your penis.
5> More room in the jockstrap for your massive tool, big guy.
4> Because Mr. Bush's approval rating is at an all-time low.
3> So your bikini bottom will fit again.
2> No more combing out the leftover peanut butter
when
the dog's done licking your balls!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Reason to Shave Your Pubic Hair...
1> You never know what's going to come up in your
Supreme Court
confirmation hearings.
v v v v v
LIMERICKS
Said a lecherous fellow named Shea, When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
"You must seize it, and squeeze it, And tease it, and please it, For Rome wasn't built in a day."
Said a woman with open delight, "My pubic hair's perfectly white. I admit
there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care. They locate it more quickly at night
Said a lecherous fellow named Shea, When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
"You must seize it, and squeeze it, And tease it, and please it, For Rome wasn't built in a day
She demanded I gave her affection Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite nice 'Til I noticed the lice And immediately lost my erection.
Before they could jump on my dick I re-buttoned my fly pretty quick; But she shouted,
"You fool! All I want is your tool!" So I gave her my shovel and pick.
The next time you meet Millie Day, And she lures you to bed for a lay, Remember, you simp,
I'm her bona fide pimp, And get half the cash that you pay!
The fact of the matter is: Jack Had long wanted Jill on her back;
So he told her some tale, About filling a pail...
And then bungled his plan of attack.
v v v v v
Busiest Spaces Solutions and more decorating ideas, organizing tips, and
homekeeping and cleaning solutions
No matter how you sort, shuffle, and stack, some areas still end up
jumbled, cramped, and cluttered.
You know the spots-they're the ones you use every day: the junk drawer, medicine cabinet, coat closet.
But such places don't have to be destined for a lifetime of disarray. Here, you'll find organizing strategies you
can implement in your home. A chaotic drawer is compartmentalized with a series of small boxes.
Shelves installed in the lower half of a hall closet help manage shoes and outdoor accessories.
And things that would otherwise be hard to reach beneath the bed are housed in drawers that slide easily in and out.
With the right systems in place, you'll spend fewer hours rearranging and searching,
leaving you with more time to do, well, anything else.
v v v v v
I was trying to restart an intravenous line in a male patient while his wife
sat next to the hospital bed,
watching my every move. I had made several attempts to insert a 22-gauge cathelon and had used up all
I had in my IV tray. Another nurse passed by the doorway and I yelled, "Lisa, can you bring me another 22?"
The patient's wife's eyes opened wide and she said, "You've done it now daddy. She's going to shoot you!"
v v v v v
I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a
personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words
and letters when I'm tense.
When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me,
"Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."
v v
v v v
10 Signs To Dismiss
Your Doctor - AOL Body
Choosing a physician is tricky business. You want someone you are comfortable with and
whose instincts you trust. When you work as a team with your doctor, you maximize chances of
fighting disease and staying healthy. But not all doctors will give you the care you need.
Here are some signs that you are not getting the
care you deserve.
Body
News Health Article - AOL Body - Cancer Patients Gain From
Reporting Symptoms Online
cancer patients report to doctors on their
symptoms and side effects online may improve their care, a new study
finds.
Even the sickest cancer patients are willing and capable of reporting
their symptoms online, says a team
from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in
New York City.
Help for arthritis? Some are supported by medical evidence,
and some are just myths. What really
works?
v v v v v
To dance the "political shuffle," take one step forward, two steps
backward,
and then sidestep.
v v v v v
John and Mary were walking along the shore one Sunday afternoon when they spotted a dock projecting into the harbor.
They decided to walk to the end of the dock and sit down to rest .
Mary, in her infinite boredom, suggested to John, "While we walk to the
end of the dock,
why don't you count the number of slats used to build it, and I'll count the number of slits between the slats?''
John replied, "O.K., I will count the slats, and you will count the
slits.''
So the couple merrily trooped down the dock. John counted, "One slat!''
Mary counted, "One slit!''
"Two slats!''
"Two slits!''
And, well, you know how the natural numbers work. Eventually John and
Mary approached the end of the dock.
"327 slats!''
"327 slits!''
"328 slats!''
They had reached the end of the dock. Mary was puzzled. "John, there are
no more slits. What does it mean?''
John turned to Mary and said, "When you're out of slits, you're out of
pier."
v v v v v
Scroll waaayyyyyy down
movies882
Scroll way down
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips
yet she won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing
a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said,
"Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"
She said, "No, I hate myself right now."
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over
her head comes off.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
My wife is such a bad cook; if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested
for mooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,
"Why?" He said, "Because you came home early."
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago
last night.
And the Blue Ribbon goes
to.......
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have
had anything to play with.
v v v v v
I've heard it said that one day, women will
evolve to have eyes in their breasts so
they'll be able to make eye contact with men.
That'll be great, because then women will
have to walk around with their breasts exposed.
(Sebastian P.)
If chicks dig the long ball so much,
you'd think they'd be less shocked
by the accompanying droopy scrotum.
(Mark D. Sabien)
Regarding those inflatable women they sell in
porn shops: I'm guessing their mouths are open
like that to simulate the woman constantly talking.
(The Covert Comic)
They say the sexual revolution is over,
but I still find the thought of having
sex with my ex-wife to be revolting.
(BadMacaw)
v v v v v
The Top 8 Pet Peeves of Dolphins
8> You think punks blasting HipHop on their 1000-watt car stereos
is annoying? Try listening to *sonar* all night.
7> Fish, day in, day out. Would a nice, juicy steak once in a
while hurt?
6> Would it kill the Dolphin Encounter customers to empty their
bladders *before* getting in the pool?
5> Sea World merchandise discounts do not extend to family and friends.
4> Waking up with your blow hole crusted shut and you can't
remember why.
3> Guide a stranded whale safely back to sea and she pulls the
old "left my wallet at home, otherwise I'd give you a
handsome
tip" on you.
2> All that effort to skillfully leap out of the water tank and
through the giant hoop, and it *never* turns out to be a
stargate.
and the Number 1 Pet Peeve of Dolphins...
1> Dolphin military benefits haven't increased in twenty years.
v v v v v
Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints.
I was pleasantly surprised to see they were of a younger, slimmer me taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photographs, his face lit up.
"Wow! It's my old Plymouth."
v v v v v
v v v v v
Oprah Winfrey has an official Oprah's Book
Club
that periodically recommends new book selections.
(As if you need to be told,
girlfriends!)
But what about the books that don't make the cut?
The Top 16 Rejected Oprah Book Club Books
16> The Color Green
15> A Million Little Pieces II: How I Punk'd Oprah
14> I'm OK, You're a Waste of Food
13> The Whore's Whisperer
12> Car Giveaways on a Budget: "Yugo, Girl!"
11> Cook Jamie: My Guide to Bettering the Species Via Selective
Cannibalism
10> Stedman Walking
9> I Can Think for Myself -- Oprah Says So!
8> The Audacity of Soap
7> The Sisterhood of Traveling Sycophants
6> Life of Pie... and Donuts... and Cheesecake...
5> The Dr. Phil Swimsuit Issue
4> Lemmings Who Buy Books
3> A Thousand Splendid Sundaes
2> The Five People You Meet at the 7-Eleven
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Rejected Oprah Book Club Book...
1> Morons Who Have Jumped on My Couch
v v v v v
Best and Worst
of 2007 in Classic Rock
Will you agree with the choices?
Dionne Warwick Profile -- History of Dionne Warwick -- Find out more
about Dionne Warwick
Her elegant, stylish stage presence has been an influence on several
legendary vocal "divas"
Provided a much-needed outlet for sophisticated pop songwriters like Bacharach and David has had more
chart hits than any female singer in history with the exception of Aretha Franklin
v v v v v
The Top 9 Healthy Living Tips from Lawyers
9> Suing someone always makes you feel better.
8> When chewing a first-year associate's ass, remember to chew
slowly and savor the experience.
7> A healthy billing rate is good for the system.
6> Being healthy requires an adequate amount of sleep. Tax cases
are *great* for this.
5> Don't take on mob clients. Convictions can lead to "high
velocity lead poisoning."
4> Eat more fish -- except shark. Leave those poor things alone.
3> A tort claim a day keeps the doctor away -- especially if it
is a medical malpractice claim.
2> Exercise is *not* like work: An hour on the treadmill counts
as *an hour* on the treadmill.
and the Number 1 Healthy Living Tip from Lawyers ...
1> Working as a public defender will ensure you never have the
time or money to be fat and lazy.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A dog truly is a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment:
put your dog and your wife or husband in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
v v v v v
Irritating Logos
PCWorld
Steve Bass
Q: Most PCs boot with the manufacturer's logo.
Unfortunately, you miss out on a lot of troubleshooting and diagnostic information when your system boots.
A: The next time you boot, you'll need to modify the BIOS. Pay attention
during the boot-up:
The system usually tells you the right key to click. On my PC, it's the F2 key; yours may be Delete or F1.
Browse through the various BIOS options until you find something similar to "disable the logo screen,"
and change the setting to not show the logo.
v v v v v
LIMERICKS
The spouse of a pretty young
thing
Came home from the wars in the spring.
He was lame but he came
With his dame like a flame--
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
There once was a fellow
named Dave
Who dug up a whore from her grave
She was mouldy as shit
and missing a tit
But think of the money he saved
There once was a dentist named Stone
Who saw all his patients alone.
In a fit of depravity
He filled the wrong cavity,
And my, how his practice has grown!
v v v v v
I'm in personnel with the government in Washington, D.C., reviewing applications for federal employment.
The standard form includes the question, "Why did you leave your previous employment?"
One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, "The express wish of 116,000 voters."
v v v v v
SPRINGTIME FRUIT SALAD
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1/2 papaya, cubed
1/2 fresh pineapple, peeled and cubed
2 kiwi fruit, peeled and cubed
1 teaspoon minced, fresh ginger
2 tablespoons orange juice
1 teaspoon sugar (optional)
DIRECTIONS:
Mix the fruit in a bowl. Crush the ginger into the orange
juice. Sprinkle the fruit with the orange juice. Add sugar
if needed.
Yield: 4 Servings
v v v v v
Display the exact time, add weather, skins
and alarms to your windows clock
WEATHER ALARM CLOCK presents the time with a configurable enlarged
digital display, date,
temperature, weather conditions of a specified location, popup messages and alarms with audio files to launch files,
applications, or shut down operations, snooze feature, and synchronization with atomic clock servers.
Download free at
http://www.respectsoft.com/ or buy the advanced version with all
features.
ZeroSpyware
Limited Edition (exe), from FBM Software - Free
Downloads on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evaluation
ZeroSpyware Limited Edition gives anti-spyware protection for the modern
Internet user.
Provides unlimited use of several powerful features that clean and protect your PC from all kinds of spyware.
Unlike other anti-spyware tools available,
ZeroSpyware LE is much more than a simple scanning and removal utility
Internet
Lock
(zip), from rcciit technology - Free Downloads
on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evaluation Software
Install Internet Lock 2.0 For LAN on the main computer of your network
which shares Internet connection.
The program can lock and unlock Internet
access for connected computers. Also it calculates the charge for the session.
v v v v v
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand
these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends
showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please
don't tell my parents," she begged.
"I won't" I promised. "By the way, what does that stand
for?"
"Honesty," she said.
v v v v v
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their
picket signs?
v v v v v
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her
US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware"
v v v v v
*submitted by*
I Found A Friend, Friendship
Ecard
Everyone
Needs Someone - A free friendship ecard from Dobhran's Greetings!
v v v v v
My friend Lisa and her husband, David, work hard on good
communication, but they do sometimes have conflicts.
Last Tuesday her husband promised to be home a little early, but
forgot, went golfing and got home late. Lisa stood by the stove
finishing the meal she was preparing and her husband entertained
the baby. He caught Lisa's mood, but couldn't seem to figure
out why she was angry. Finally he said, "I was going to buy a
sandwich today. Maybe tomorrow I'll buy a sandwich."
Lisa, thinking this was a comment about her cooking, fumed.
However, she ignored the insult and instead addressed the fact
that David had forgotten his promise to come home early. He,
of course, apologized and all seemed well.
The next day Lisa called David to find out whether he intended to
bring sandwiches home for supper. "Sandwiches?" he said. "What
are you talking about?"
A long discussion ensued in which David denied the sandwich
conversation and both parties ended by thinking the other was
completely insane.
That evening David walked through the door in triumph, holding a new
golf club. "Look," he said with glee, "I bought a sand
wedge!" --
v v v v v
Top Ten Signs Your Dog Hates You
10. You tell him to "sit" and he tells you to "eat it"
9. Only time he kisses you is after he drinks from the toilet
8. His favorite chew toy is your iPhone
7. Leaves a dead bird in your slipper with note reading "You're next"
6. Convinces Leona Helmsley's dog to evict you from your apartment
5. You dragged him all the way to New York City to perform some
dumb trick on the Late Show
4. He gnawed a soup bone into a shiv
3. No number 3 -- writer shot by his dog
2. Leaves you to go live with Michael Vick
1. He paid Bob Barker $100 to neuter you
v v
v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Cruisin' Style
Magazine, Car clubs, Shows, Race News and automotive listings American's #1
source for car shows and events coast to coast --
photo classifieds too! Everything for the car enthusiast!
My car keeps blowing fuses. Should I install a... — Yahoo!
Autos
Not unless you are willing to risk electrical damage or a fire! A fuse is
a protection device that is
designed to blow if the amp load in a circuit exceeds the "safe" limit for that circuit. Fuses are built with a specific amp rating
which is marked on the fuse. The wiring and design load of the circuit dictates the size of fuse that’s required to protect the circuit.
Circuits that draw a lot of power need fuses with high amp ratings (20 or 30 amps) while those that use minimal power
require smaller fuses (5 to 15 amps).
v v v v v
Jon and Kate Gosselin have eight
children: Twin girls and then
sextuplets.
Their daily struggle has
netted them a
reality-type show on
the Discovery
Channel, plus all the free
Prozac they
can swallow. On the show, they are
loving
but understandably frazzled,
but their
cool demeanors made us
wonder what
segments never made it
to the air.
The Top 9 Episodes for "Jon & Kate Plus
8" We'd Like to See
9> "No, we will *not* try to see if it really is 'Cheaper by the
Dozen'!"
8> "Kate's Daily Ritual: Crying into a Dishtowel for Three
Minutes Solid"
7> "Repairing Head-Banging Holes in Walls"
6> "Sitter Number 53 Runs for the Door!"
5> "Survival of the Fittest: Hannah Drops Seven Pounds for Not
Getting to the Table Fast Enough"
4> "Jon & Kate Make a Market Killing in Huggies Stock"
3> "Jon Invests in an MP3 Player and iTunes out the Mayhem"
2> "We've Outgrown the Van: The Gosselins Purchase the Partridge
Family School Bus"
and the Number 1
Episode for
"Jon & Kate Plus
8" We'd Like to See...
1> "Surprise Parentage Results -- Three Out of Eight Aren't Jon's
(and Two Aren't Kate's!)"
v v v v v
The Top 18 Colors Used in Amy Winehouse Cosmetics
18> Cold Sore Crimson
17> Barely Breathing Blue
16> Needle Park Pink
15> Hash Brown
14> Bruised Tomato
13> Blown Vein Burgundy
12> Drop Dead Red
11> Mugshot Mauve
10> Chancre Ochre
9> My Boyfriend Isn't Such a Bad Guy Fat-Lip Purple
8> Nicotine Nail Yellow
7> Methamphetagreen
6> Khraki
5> Rehabanero-oh-oh Red
4> Jailhouse Jumpsuit Orange
3> Midnight Bluaaaauuggghhhhh!
2> Cadavender
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Color
Used in Amy Winehouse
Cosmetics...
1> I-Think-I'm-Gonna Puce
v v v v v
Anyone who denies having been stupid as a kid
is either still a kid or still stupid.
v v v v v
v v v v v
I used to think horoscopes were a bunch
of crap,
until I found a magazine that predicted with uncanny accuracy
every single thing I was going to be doing
during the following week. Pretty impressive, no?
Seriously, you ought to try this "TV Guide" yourself.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADETTE87
Three Labrador retrievers -- one brown, one yellow and one black -- were
sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they struck up a
conversation.
The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser.
I piss on everything -- the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids.
But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab.
"All the vets are prescribing it.
It works for everything."
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger.
I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it.
When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.
But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my
owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.
"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you at the
vet's office?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said.
"I'll hump anything.
I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever.
I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to
dry his toes, and I just couldn't help myself.
I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"
"No," said the black lab, "I'm here to get my nails clipped."
v v v v v
Chicago's
Best Restaurants
Chicago is not the meat-and-potatoes place that it was back when
the Chicago stockyards and packing houses fed the nation. Today,
dining in Chicago is as sophisticated as dining in New York, San
Francisco, and other cosmopolitan cities. More
TripIt | Organize your travel
Just email TripIt your travel plans - no matter where you booked.
TripIt builds you a master itinerary
with all your plans and more. With TripIt, it's easy to share,
print
and access your itinerary from anywhere
v v v v v
Quick Rice Medley
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
2 1/4 cups chicken broth, divided
1 cup uncooked rice
1/2 cup thinly sliced carrots
1/2 cup thinly sliced yellow squash
1/2 cup thinly sliced zucchini
1/4 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp. ground pepper
DIRECTIONS:
Combine the rice and 1 3/4 cups of the broth in a 3-quart
saucepan. Bring to a boil and stir. Reduce heat; cover and
simmer 15 minutes or until the rice is tender and the liquid
is absorbed. Coat a large skillet with cooking spray and place
over medium high heat until hot. Sauté the carrots, squash,
and zucchini 2 to 3 minutes or until tender crisp. Add the
wine and cook 2 minutes longer. Set aside and keep warm. Add
the remaining 1/2 cup of broth to the hot rice; stir over
medium-high heat until the broth is absorbed. Stir in the
cheese, pepper, and reserved vegetables. Serve immediately.
Yield: 6 Servings
v v v v v
Debsnewsletter - Archives
v v v v v
Why is the ocean so restless?
If you had crabs on your bottom you'd be restless too
v v v v v
A blind man went to the airport to fly in a small plane and the
pilot asked him, If you're blind, why do you want to fly?" The blind
man said, he just wanted to have the experience. So off through the
skies they went! The pilot had a heart attack and passed out and
the blind man felt around and found the mike and keyed up and said,
"Help, help, I'm a blind man flying upside down in a small plane
and the pilot has passed out!"
A voice came over the speaker that said, "If you are a blind man,
how do you know you're upside down?" "Because shit is running
out of my collar!!!!" the blind man yelled.
v v v v v
Power in the wrong hands can be devastating. That's why I keep my
fist clenched around the remote.
v v v v v
v v v v v
We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had
prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over
the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider
had woven around the prismsand lightbulbs.
"Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing
I was too tired to clean!"
"Don't look where?" my brother asked.
"There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web
sight!"
v v v v v
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the
rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.
A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"
He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled
doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
v v v v v
Cellphone Users Slow Traffic - Well
- Tara Parker-Pope - Health - New York Times Blog
Talking on the cellphone while driving isn’t just a safety risk. It
also slows down traffic.
Motorists talking on the phone drive about two miles per hour more slowly than
people who aren’t on the phone,
according to a new study by researchers at the University of Utah. And while hands-free devices often are touted as
safer alternatives, the scientists found that people using them also putter along, which suggests that it’s the talking,
not the cellphone, that distracts the
brain.
Ya think?
The iPhone
explored: The Internet on your phone Many smartphones let you access the
Internet; very few have succeeded
at doing it very well and none has come close to approximating the
experience you get on a computer. Does the iPhone meet this lofty
goal? Dan Frakes explores its Web browsing, e-mail, texting, and
mapping features.
v v v v v
Is there a pill my wife can take that'll make her do something
that makes me *want* to take Viagra?
v v v v v
A Russian woman recently gave birth to a 17-pound baby
-- and
TopFive's microphones were there!
The Top 15 Things Heard at the Delivery of the 17-Pound Baby
(Part II)
15> "Peel back the folds to see if it's a boy or girl."
14> "I have to spank this baby so it'll start breathing. Nurse, get me
a shovel!"
13> "Give me the damn scissors, Doc; I'm giving myself a vasectomy
*right now*!"
12> "It was sure cool of Shaq to be here when your wife delivered, Wee
Man."
11> "Awww, the little guy must be hungry. When he came out he was
chewing on placenta and washing it down with umbilical cord juice."
10> "Look, he has his mothers eyes and his daddy's five o'clock
shadow."
9> "No, not forceps -- I said a FORKLIFT!"
8> "Tell the father he'd better start reading all that
penisenlargement spam."
7> "Should I spank it or harpoon it?"
6> "Keep in mind, comrade: He will weigh less than eight pounds
once we remove the listening devices."
5> "Tell my broker to buy milk futures -- STAT!"
4> "Yes, Mr. Jones, you can cut the umbilical cord -- assuming
you brought a chain saw."
3> "You're gonna need a bigger vagina."
2> "Vhe vhill name new baby 'Nadezhda... istan.'"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Heard at the Delivery of the
17-Pound Baby...
1> [BEEP... BEEP... BEEP...] "That's not the heart monitor,
sir. That's your kid backing out of the womb."
v v v v v
5 Differences - Flash
Game
This is one of those games where you look at two
pictures and try to determine what is different in the two of them.
It's a toughie!
Pirateville
Sail the seas of fun in this spirited, hidden-object challenge featuring a
daring pirate, a mysterious box,
and a cursed ghost! Famed pirate, Sharpshooter Jack, has just arrived in Pirateville's bustling bay.
Join Jack as he explores this tropical paradise that's teeming with eye-popping fun.
Search each detailed destination and discover a huge variety of cleverly hidden objects and captivating characters.
From the creators of Mysteryville, Pirateville is a swash-buckling adventure featuring loads of challenging levels,
gorgeous full-screen graphics, and surprises
around every corner.
Chocolatier
2: Secret Ingredients
Save an empire of sweetness in this delightful sequel featuring
new characters, secret locations, and delectable fun. It's been 40 years
since
Evangeline Baumeister started the confection company that bears her family's name.
Now, the beloved business is being threatened by a mole within the ranks! Help Evangeline's rebellious and independent
granddaughter build a new cocoa corporation and regain control of Baumeister Confections. Search the world for exclusive recipes,
helpful hints, and secret ingredients to mix into rich new recipes in your tasting lab. Featuring two game modes,
an action-packed storyline, and surprises in
every port, Chocolatier 2: Secret Ingredients is sure to satisfy your cravings
for fun!
v v v v v
Sure they laugh, cheer and applaud a clown at the circus, but
show up at their grandmother's funeral and they'll turn on you in
a heartbeat.
v v v v v
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
v v v v v
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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The
20 Worst Windows Features of All Time
From Windows 95's Active Desktop to Vista's UAC, a loving tribute to
the tools, technologies, and applets that drive us absolutely
bonkers.
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A man exploring the ancient
Pyramids of Egypt while on vacation stumbled
across a secret room. He sneaked away from the tour group and explored
the room. He found a dusty lamp and picked it up. While he wiped the dust
off the lamp a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
"For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish, what will it be
sire?"
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job, a job
that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."
"Allah Ka Zam!" said the genie. "You're a housewife!"
v v v v v
A father is explaining ethics to his son,
who is about to go
into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred
dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to
her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the
door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s
where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell
your partner?"
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*submitted by*
YouTube - A new
fragrance
LOL!!
Damned if you do....DAMN!
Here!
Looks & Charm
Here!
To think for you
Here!
The dawn of woman
Here!
Danger : Moron in action
Here!
Making Men Wait
Here
Reflex?
Here!
Shadow games
Here!
Aural Sex?
Here!
Autopsy lunch?
Here!
Bad breath
Here!
X T R E M E L Y Naughty
Amateur Screw
Curly Burger
Amateur Screw
Up View
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or
implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on
operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of
mind
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©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin - All
rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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