Editor:
DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet
LINKS
It was brought to my attention that the links weren't
hyperlinks this
past week so I have spoken to my webmaster/programmer and
he's going
to see what he can do! Well, I should say that of
course he can do it, I'm just
waiting on the added cost for added work :
) It's ok cause he is worth it!!
Did you miss an issue? Remember, in each
issue there is an ARCHIVES
link that will take you to the last several years of issues.
Deleting a file does nothing of the sort: the file is still on your hard drive,
you just
can’t see it anymore. Cheap file recovery software will reclaim the data in a
flash!
If you don't want someone to be able to recover your deleted files, surf over
to the DOWNLOADS
section for this program.
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link
submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there
and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break
my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send
an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be
a wild ride!
Sure, being ripped apart by lions is a terrifying thing, but nothing
compares to that paralyzing fear when you can't find the remote.
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Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this response
by the secretary, "This is Dr. Whitman's office. What would you
like to talk about?"
Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically,
"I want to order a hamburger with fries. For goodness sakes, why
would I call a doctor if I didn't feel sick? I'm very sick. I need
to see the doctor."
"Fine," replied the secretary. "I can make an appointment for
you. Let me see. Ah, yes, I have an appointment one week from
next Friday."
"Great," said Mrs. Jones. "I'll have my mortician drop me off
then!"
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What happens when a whorehouse catches fire?
Some come out running and some run out coming!
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Angela and Annabelle meet at their family
reunion, and they haven't seen each other in
years. They begin to talk and bring each other up
to date. The conversation covers their husbands,
their children, homes, etc. and finally gets
around to their sex lives.
Annabelle says "It's OK. We get it on every week
or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Angela replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Annabelle is aghast. "Really, I never would have
guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Angela, "He Snores while I Masturbate."
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Top 10 Punk Rock Gift Ideas
Punk Music GuideSite
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/eKI
CMA Award Winners
Country Music GuideSite
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/eKJ
VH1 Soul Vibe Award Winners
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/eKK
World Music Award Winners
Top 40 / Pop GuideSite
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/eKL
The Really Terrible Orchestra
Classical Music GuideSite
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/eKM
Review: Joni Mitchell - Shine
Folk Music GuideSite
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/eKN
*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
Whitney Wolanin - Recording Artist &
Songwriter
http://www.whitneywolanin.com/
A new star? Time will tell !!
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Jamie Lynn Spears' 19 year old boyfriend may be charged with
felony carnal knowledge of a minor. Spears and her boyfriend both
live In Louisiana, where sex is against the law with anyone under
17. Unless they are a blood relative.
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A little boy took the chair at the barbershop.
"How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber.
"Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back."
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I love the traditions that go with holidays: Thanksgiving means
turkey, Independence Day means fireworks, Halloween means going to
the office as "Drunk Naked Guy" and All Saints Day means looking
for a new job.
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Went out to dinner tonight. Something really strange happened. The
couple at the next table seemed to be sweethearts, at least that
is what I thought at first.
The waiter brought their first course and they had no sooner started
to eat when the man jumped up from his seat, gave the young lady
a big hug, and then sat down and resumed eating. "Oh isn't that
sweet," I said to my husband, who predictably replied "Yuh."
But then, it happened over and over again, for about 10 minutes. The
guy would take a bite, jump up, hug the girl (by this time she
gave a little squeal every time), and go back to his seat as if
this was a normal thing to do in a restaurant.
Finally I remarked to our waiter, "Is this the entertainment or
something?" He just shook his head and said "Nah, we see that all
the time in here. You see, he's having the Seize Her Salad."
(By
Rose Katz)
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One time my father accompanied me when I took my dog out for his
evening constitutional. My dog is rather finicky about where he
"does it." I wondered aloud about the criterion he uses to select
a spot. My father replied, "it's a process of elimination!"
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PC World - PC World Downloads - Sharp Keys
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,67075-order,1-page,1/description.html
You're typing away merrily, and being the consummate typist you are, you
don't look at the keys-or the screen. (After all, did Jimi Hendrix look at his
fingers
as he played "Little Bird?") But when you do glance at the screen,
you see
that two paragraphs ago, your left hand's little finger slipped AND STRUCK THE
CAPS LOCK KEY BY MISTAKE. NOW YOUR WELL REASONED AND
CLEVER MEMO ASKING FOR A RAISE LOOKS AS IF IT WAS WRITTEN
BY BANK ROBBERS ORDERING TELLERS TO HAND OVER THE MONEY.
Such accidents are eliminated with SharpKeys, a free, little one-trick
pony
as obscure as Sasquatch. SharpKeys allows you to move your keys
around to suit your idea of how a keyboard should be laid out
PC World - PC World Downloads - PTFB Pro
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,45316-order,1-page,1/description.html
PTFB Pro is a mouse auto-clicker and macro recorder for automatically handling
confirmation screens and other windows that interrupt your workflow.
It doesn't matter what software you install, Windows is always going
to insist you reply to the same two pointless dialog boxes.
One asks you if you want to run some program you've just downloaded. Well, of
course. That's why you downloaded it. Then a second dialog warns you-even if
the
program is from Microsoft itself-that you should only run software from
publishers you trust. (There may be some irony there.) And it asks again if
you
want to run the software, which you do, unless you've been downloading and
installing programs for the unbeatable thrill that comes with software
installation.
How to REALLY erase a LOT of hard drives | Storage Bits | ZDNet.com
http://blogs.zdnet.com/storage/?p=236&tag=nl.e550
Deleting” a file does nothing of the sort: the file is still on your hard
drive, you just
can’t see it anymore. Cheap file recovery software will reclaim the data in a
flash. Which is
why smart folks sanitize their disk drives before selling them.
Overwriting your hard drive with meaningless data is the basic concept behind
disk
sanitization. But it isn’t easy to overwrite ALL the data.
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As an attempt to illustrate how this year has 'just flown by'
without her noticing, someone said to me a couple of weeks ago,
"You know, it was only on Tuesday that I realized it was December
11th!" Naturally, my mouth strained to reply that the point
at which one can realize that it's December 11, 2007 is, by a
quirk of mathematics, limited to the 11th of December, 2007. So,
suddenly being filled with the sense that it's a particular day,
on that actual day, is arguably the least astonishing day to
experience the phenomenon. Perhaps, I ached to state, she would
have been better to introduce, say, an 'already' into her sentence;
possibly, as I stated this while poking her chin with a sharpened
pencil at the same time, for emphasis. But I didn't. Behold my
Christmas spirit....
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"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of
course, those tests come back positive"
Jay Leno
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Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their
shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they
could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair
of fatigues. But that was okay. One wore the top half and one
wore the bottom half... they went as an upper and lower GI.
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
You Are Special
http://www.mamarocks.com/you_are_special.htm
*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
For My Faraway Friend
http://asandboxgreeting.com/formyfarawayfriend.html
2. You Are My Friend
http://www.nethugs.com/aremyfriend2.shtml
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A sweet young thing of our acquaintance decided that she would
rather be a young man's slave than an old man's darling, because
she couldn't stand the idea of old age creeping up on her.
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In a small Irish town, a poor, unwed girl was about to give birth.
Since she was destitute, the hospital bill was paid by the town
treasury. Subsequently, the parenthood was determined, and the
alleged father was penalized with a heavy fine. When the treasurer's
report was read at the annual town meeting, it was disclosed that
the township had realized a handsome profit on the unfortunate
event. One of the town officials then rose and announced, "I
recommend we breed her again."
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Two women, one rather overweight and one very thin, were together at
a restaurant, discussing men. "Men may like to look at thin women,
but they prefer to have sex with women who have some meat on their
bones," said the overweight woman. "Oh Really!!! Did your
boyfriend
tell you that?" said the thin one. "No," shot back the fat
woman.
"Yours did!"
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Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked,
"Who was the first man?" "If it's all the same to you,
sir,"
replied the embarrassed coed, "I'd rather not tell."
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Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing
business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night,
I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said,
"No, I just burped."
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Find the Real Culprit Behind Your Slow
Computer
Market Wire (press release) - USA
Don't Waste Money on New Equipment for a Frustratingly SlowComputer
When the Real Problem Still Remains!
When Formatting the Hard Drive is Your Only
Recourse
By Maxx
Electric Static Discharge can make a computer go haywire. Some versions of
Windows actually came with a bug that can cause these computer problems.
You may have installed new software that may have bugs that can
cause problems or it ...
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"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where
they have no account."
Oscar Wilde
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"You can buy anything on eBay. I just bought the world's oldest
globe. It's flat."
Buzz Nutley
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"You know, I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy
with buns of cinnamon."
Ellen DeGeneres
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*submitted by*
KP1983
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A group of one hundred freshmen from McGill University each
contributed 10 bucks to the kitty. When the money was collected,
they drew lots to see which one would have the night's pleasure
of visiting Montreal's most famous call girl who charges one
thousand dollars for a super sex fling. That night the winner,
a love-starved, panting youth named Spencer, went to her luxurious
boudoir and handed her the money. "That's a huge sum of money for
a college boy to have," she told him. He explained the entire
situation to her, telling her how all the boys had drawn lots
to see who would have the joy of her shapely favors. She was
touched by the story and remembered her early days when a buck
looked plenty big in her purse. With softening heart she said,
"I'm going to do something that I've never done before. I'm going to
give you back your money." Then she gave him back his ten dollars.
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I heard that rental car companies are selling their used
cars. Buying a used rental car is kinda like goin' to a house of
ill repute to find a wife. It has to been have driven so hard
by so many others that you wouldn't want to put your key into it.
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New Cars, Used Cars, Used Car Values - AOL Autos
http://autos.aol.com/?ncid=AOLCOMMautoDYNLprim0001
Vrrrooooooooooommm!!
Most drivers live with posted speed limits of 55mph and run into the occasional
65mph zone. But some states open the roads and allow 75 and even 80mph limits.
Top 10 Ugly Cars - AOL Autos
http://autos.aol.com/article/general/v2/_a/top-10-ugly-cars/20080110154209990001
The beauty of some cars has inspired men to write songs, fiercely defend
them or generally sell their souls for their rides. Other cars don't have it so
lucky; they're of the ugly, fugly and pug-fugly nature.
To narrow over a century of shame, these ugly cars are production vehicles
sold in the U.S. at one time or another. To be fair, we won't pick on more than
one ugly model from a given automaker -- even though we had a hard time
holding back. Some are actually reliable and/or fun to drive, but since we're
concerned here with looks as the primary basis, every last
one of them is a sinfully ugly car.
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This morning someone called saying they were conducting a survey
about Television, and I agreed to answer their questions. At
some point she asked, "Could you tell me what you think of sex
on the television?" Quite truthfully, I replied, " I prefer the
older models. I think it has become extremely uncomfortable,
especially when you got one of the newer models, that are much
wider than deep."
She muttered "Pervert" and hung up. What did I say?
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Bubba decided to visit Colorado to do something he could never do
back home....snow skiing.
Unfortunately for Bubba, before he was even able to make it up
the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift.
As soon as he could, he called his insurance company from the
hospital only to be told that they were refusing to cover his injury.
"What do you mean?!?" Bubba screamed. "Why wouldn't you cover an
injury like this?"
"You got hit in the head with a chairlift," the insurance
rep. explained. "That makes you a moron.......and we consider
that to be a pre-existing condition."
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Gift Ideas, Free Love Poems, Quotes, Gift Suggestions
http://www.loveinyourpocket.com/?gclid=CLPT9YGhgZICFQOmlgodk3TC-Q
LOVE IN YOUR POCKET Your love and friendship resource center!
Free gifts -- romantic gifts, cute gift ideas for him and her...
friends, lovers, BFFs, good friends, friends-to-be, lovers-to-be
Finding Ways to Date Your Mate
Finding Ways to Date Your Mate
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/Finding-Ways-to-Date-Your-Mate.id-1366.html?cid=articleFeature
]
Taking the person you share your life with for granted is an easy
habit to get into. The fact that you have sex on a semi-regular
basis, share a checkbook, and discuss whether or not to paint the
living room does not mean that you have license to ignore the
romantic quotient of your relationship. More
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/Finding-Ways-to-Date-Your-Mate.id-1366.html?cid=articleFeature
]
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A small social club was trying to organize a baseball team. They
could only muster eight players, but finally found a ninth to play.
In desperation, they called on a new member, an Englishman, to
join their team. During their first game, the Englishman came to
bat. On the first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
"Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run,"
he replied. "Why should I? I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps
another ball."
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Top Ten
Questions President Bush Asked The Dalai Lama
10. "What is that some kind of Halloween get-up?"
9. "Is there a peaceful way for me to bomb Iran back to the
stone age?"
8. "I got one for you - why do we drive on a parkway and park on
a driveway?"
7. "Where's Mrs. Lama?"
6. "Are you that Japanese guy my dad threw up on?"
5. "Is it true yoga is the new oil?"
4. "What the hell is happening on 'Lost'?"
3. "How's business in Dollywood?"
2. "Have you ever met Dr. Phil?"
1. "I know your cousin Barack O'Lama"
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When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat
it?
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Organic Fruit Trees - The Helpful Gardener
http://www.helpfulgardener.com/organic/2006/fruit.html
The advantages to growing fruit organically are obvious in the first bite.
Your own organic fruit is not covered in arsenic (as some commercial apples are
to lengthen shelf-life) or wax. Growing your own fruit means picking varieties
for flavor, not looks or ability to travel. Your organic fruit may not be as
picture perfect as the stuff you find in the grocery store, but fruit is to
eat,
not to take pictures of!
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I was preparing deviled eggs to go with our traditional Christmas
Eve dinner when my six-year-old nephew, Paul, said, "Mmm, Christmas
isn't Christmas without deviled eggs." Paul's three-year-old
brother, Shawn, said, "Uh-uh, Christmas isn't Christmas without
cheeses." I bent down to little Shawn and said, "I'm sorry, we don't
have any cheeses." Exasperated, Shawn threw up his hands and said,
"Aunt Cindy, cheeses (Jesus) is the reason for the season," and
then he walked away.
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Tired of super-hectic Christmas mornings, I was pleased to find a
recipe called "Christmas Morning Wife Saver Breakfast." I prepared
the breakfast the night before so that it could be put in the oven
while we opened our gifts with our four small children. It was
delicious. The next year I followed the "tradition" and prepared
the same breakfast. After everyone was seated and I put the
casserole on the table, my five-year-old exclaimed disgustedly,
"This again!"
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SHEPHERD'S PIE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
5 large Potatoes
1 tablespoon Salt
2 tablespoon Butter/margarine
1 dash Milk
Pepper to taste
1 pound Lean ground beef
1 large Tomato, chopped
6 mushrooms, sliced
2 tablespoons Chopped parsley
1 tablespoon Tomato paste
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 cup Brown gravy (comes in packets)
1 10-ounce package frozen peas
DIRECTIONS:
Cook potatoes in salted water to cover. Drain, cool and peel.
Mash in large bowl with butter, milk and season to taste with
salt and pepper, set aside. Saute beef until browned, stirring
to keep meat crumbly. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
Add tomatoes, mushrooms, parsley, tomato paste, worcestershire
and gravy. Stir to mix. Add peas and cook about 5 minutes. Turn
mixture into a casserole dish. Spread potatoes evenly over meat.
Bake at 400 degrees 40 minutes until top is crispy brown.
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They say dogs can smell fear, but I think they're just smelling
that you've crapped your pants.
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Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood
pressure was high; my cholesterol was high; I'd gained some weight,
and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be complicated and
it would solve my physical problems. He said "Just think in colors;
fill your plate with bright colors -- greens, yellows, reds, etc."
I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&Ms, and, sure enough,
I felt better!
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Chihuahuas For Dummies:Book Information:Dummies
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764552848,subcat-PETS.html)
With their apple heads, big round eyes, large pointy ears, saucy expressions,
and feisty dispositions, Chihuahuas are one of the most beloved
breeds of toy dogs in the world. But these frisky little dogs aren’t for
everyone. Consummate lap dogs, they thrive on attention and constant
contact
with their owners, and are miserable when left alone. As pups they’re extremely
fragile, although they do outlive bigger breeds by many years. Housebreaking
can
be a problem with Chihuahuas, but on the other hand, they’re very smart,
love
performing tricks and they never forget what they learn. Some have a tendency
to
shyness, but a well-socialized Chihuahua can be every bit as bold as a pit bull
For Dummies, 2nd Edition:Book Information:Dummies
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0470229675,subcat-PETS.html
Chihuahuas For Dummies, 2nd Edition provides owners with the latest advice,
tips
and information they need to raise a healthy, happy pet including how to choose
a healthy puppy or adult dog, health care and first aid, basic training,
and how to have fun with your pet.
Senior Dogs For Dummies:Book Information:Dummies
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764558188.html
This friendly guide provides reassuring, positive advice on handling the
physical
and emotional issues involved in caring for your beloved companion. You’ll see
how
aging affects your dog, how to cope with common ailments, and what you
can do to help your senior live a joyful, high-quality life
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My laptop was driving me crazy. "The A, E, and I keys always stick,"
I complained to a friend. She quickly diagnosed the problem. "Your
computer is suffering from irritable vowel syndrome."
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An old friend of mine just called me up and asked me out for a
round of golf.
"It's the middle of the day...I'm working," I protested.
"Come on! My treat. Tell your boss that you are bleeding out
of
your ass and have to go to the hospital."
"I've already used that one too many times..." I said. "OK,
I'll
meet you. Bring me a shirt...something nice. See you in half an
hour."
I then pulled out the small tupperware of chicken blood I keep
hidden in the freezer, popped it in the microwave, dumped it
under my nose and onto my shirt sat down and screamed.
Everyone came running. "Oh my God!" "What happened?"
"Serves
him right." were some of the reactions.
"I was at my desk working," I said, "and suddenly my
nose
started bleeding. It just kept getting worse. I gotta go to the
emergency room."
Yeah, this trick is smarter than the one where I pour the blood
down the back of my pants. My buddy's pants don't fit me, and
walking around the golf course with a streak of blood running
down my ass is a bit embarassing.
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"According to "Star" magazine, Oprah Winfrey was so impressed
with
"Brokeback Mountain" that she wants to produce her own film with
Halle Berry and Charlize Theron. Are you sure this was Oprah
idea? This sounds more like Stedman's idea"
Jay Leno
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TIPS
Don't tape cards or cheat sheets across the front of your PC's case. That
can
block your PC's air vents, which are often disguised as ridges across the
front
of the case. When air can't circulate inside your PC, your computer heats
up in a hurry.
Also, don't keep your computer pushed up directly against the wall. It needs
some
breathing room so that its fan can blow out all the hot air from inside the
case.
DomainInformer : Must-Read Tips For Domain Name Registration
http://www.domaininformer.com/guides/Domain_Registration/articles/071105mustreadtipsfor.html
If you are an average internet user, then you must be pretty familiar with the
term
‘domain name’. In layman terms, it is a unique name given to address a
particular
website each time you visit it on the internet. However, technically speaking,
a
domain name means much more than that. Domain name of a website refers to the
text name that corresponds to its numeric IP address of a computer in the
internet.
The domain name of a website possesses some kind of characteristics
that differentiate it from other domain names.
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NOTE:
Legendary blues/R&B/funk/rock/badboy
musician
Ike Turner died early on the morning of
December
12th in his home near San Diego. He was 76.
Scoop-o-rama: http://tinyurl.com/2mbhbe
What would other musicians
write in the
guestbook
at his funeral?
The Top 6 Funeral Guestbook Entries for Ike Turner
6> Tina Turner: "Beats me."
5> Eric Clapton: "Now I can admit it: 'Layla' was really about
Tina."
4> Britney Spears: "Like, wow. Your brother Ted must really miss
you."
3> Keith Richards: "I told you I'd outlive you. When I see you in
Hell, you owe me a hundred bucks."
2> Al Green: "At least *your* old lady didn't throw freakin' HOT
GRITS on *you*!"
and the Number 1 Funeral Guestbook Entry for Ike Turner...
1> Marvin Gaye: "You look kinda like my father."
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Did you hear about the British sex pervert who broke into a gift
shop and performed lewd acts with the porcelain figures? They
charged him with statue-Tory rape. Apparently, he is a Hummel sexual.
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All About YOU: Brain Pills - RealAge Tip of the Day
http://www.realage.com/news_features/tip.aspx?v=2&cid=18558
Aspirin, vitamin E, the B vitamins, ginkgo biloba, vinpocetine . . .
which
vitamins and supplements really do give you a mental lift when you need it?
Why You Should Nix Midnight Surfing - RealAge Tip of the Day
http://www.realage.com/news_features/tip.aspx?v=2&cid=18559
Surfing the Web before bed may seem like a relaxing, low-key activity. But
it could rob you of something very important (hint: it's not your
identity).
We're talking about sleep. In a group of people who reported spending up
to 2 1/2 hours a night browsing sites on the Internet, over one-third of
them
also had some kind of problem with their sleep. Here are some better bedtime
rituals.
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Two blonde redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the
equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat,
the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their
vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns
to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy
fish
we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch
any more."
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The Top 9 Excuses Given by Recently Disbarred Lawyers
9> How was I supposed to know acting ethically was against the
ethics rules?
8> Hey, it's not like your client was going to change her mind
about the divorce whether you slept with her or not.
7> I didn't return any client calls for six months because my
answering machine was broken. And my secretary is an airhead.
And no one else in the office picks up the phone. And I was
sick that year, but have recently accepted Jesus as my
personal savior.
6> The paralegals were out to get me.
5> I stole that money on my own time; I shouldn't have to share
it with my partners.
4> I could have sworn my torts textbook had a chapter outlining
proper jury bribing.
3> The dog ate my ethics.
2> I wanted to be among the majority of Americans who daily
practice law without a license.
and the Number 1 Excuse Given by Recently Disbarred Lawyers...
1> Who's got time to read ethics guidelines with only 47 billable
hours in a day?
v v
v v v
v v
v v v
One day a couple of guys are working at the wood mill eating their
lunches when this dog shows up to eat their scraps.
After they are done eating, the dog starts licking his balls. One of
the guys shouts "Man I wish I could do that!" The other guy
says
"If you did, the dog might bite you."
v v
v v v
Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.
v v
v v v
*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
HINT 1
Cube It!
Just a little bit of tea or juice left in the pitcher?
Freeze it in an ice cube tray, then use it in your
drinks. No more watered down drinks and no more left
overs to pour out.
HINT 2
If the shelves in your shower stay too wet and make the
soap 'melt', put it in a net produce bag and hang it
over the shower head or faucet. It will dry out between
showers and last longer.
HINT 3
Don't let the Fizz out....
To keep the "fizz" in an unfinished can of pop put the
end of a teaspoon in the can and the next day it will
still be fizzy.
v v
v v v
Top Ten
Signs That Your Relationship Is Heading For A Break-Up
10. Wakes up, rolls over and says, "Damn, you're still here?"
9. She's just hired a pool boy...you don't have a pool
8. You call her "Honey," she calls you "Numb Nuts"
7. You overhear your wife on the phone saying,, "How much to kill
my husband?"
6. You come home to find her handling the UPS guy's package
5. You've started sleeping in separate beds, in separate houses,
in separate time zones
4. You're so unhappy together that the only thing that cheers you
up is seeing the hilarious new movie "The Break-Up," now playing
at a theater near you
3. You look back at the drunken, bottle-throwing fights as "the
good times"
2. At your backyard barbecue she refers to your best friend as
"Lover"......I mean "Larry"
1. Keeps asking, "Why can't you be more like Vince Vaughn?"
v v
v v v
Shit Happens
http://www.thejaywalker.com/pages/shit_happens.html
Shit happens -- according to ideology and religion
http://twist.snowburst.org:4747/nonexistent.htm
http://twist.snowburst.org:4747/nonexistent.htm)
v v
v v v
"I had the strangest dream last night," Morris was telling
his
psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to
look at me, I noticed that she had your face. As you can
imagine, I found this very disturbing. In fact I woke up
immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep.
"I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then
I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my
appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of
this strange dream."
The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding,
"A Coke? That's a breakfast?"
v v
v v v
"Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose
direction
and begin to bend."
Walter Savage Landor
v v
v v v
v v
v v v
Several years ago I worked for a small company that had frequent
break-ins. In response, the company installed a new security system
with alarms, codes and key pads.
Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the
scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they
spotted and apprehended a suspect. Since I am the Security Director,
I got the first call.
The officer said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy. He tried to
pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business."
"Oh," I said, "that's probably the President. You better let
him go."
v v
v v v
Top Ten
Surprises During Eliot Spitzer's Resignation
10. Entered to the sounds of Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'"
9. Opening line: "Are you a cop?"
8. Spent two minutes seductively stroking the microphone
7. Reaffirmed his policy of "Bros before Hos"
6. His decision not to wear pants
5. Admitted he also once made out with former Gov. Pataki
4. Credited downfall to fast-paced lifestyle of Albany
3. He was kinda pitchy, dawg
2. Said he thought the Emperor's Club was a Chinese restaurant
1. When reporters asked how much he paid per hour, his wife said,
"Believe me, he doesn't need an hour"
v v
v v v
Protecting Futures- Home Page
http://protectingfutures.com/
For some girls in Southern Africa, getting their period means
missing school for several days each month.
That's because they don't have access to something
many of us take for granted: feminine protection.
Helping girls stay in school is critical. An education gives them a future.
It helps build better lives - not just for them, but for their
families and their communities.
When Women Cry: A Show of Human Emotion or a Sign of Weakness?
http://womensissues.about.com/od/intheworkplace/a/womencrying.htm?nl=1
Why Crying at Work Can Hurt Your Career
It's a "thou shalt not" rule carved in stone that every woman carries
in her heart:
You can't cry at work if you expect to be taken seriously and advance your
career. In the game of life, the act of shedding tears is akin to drawing the
'Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200' card in Monopoly.
This belief has been so thoroughly drummed into us that we won't even risk
crying
in the ladies room, in our office with the door shut, in a janitor's closet, or
anywhere
in the building where we work. (I myself have snuck out to the parking
lot, driven
my car to a nearby strip mall, and bawled my eyes out to avoid any chance of
being seen by a co-worker.)
But is it ever okay to cry? Is there ever a situation in which crying
might actually be beneficial?
v v v v v
Senators William Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the "Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill."
v v
v v v
Top Ten
Signs Your Kitty Is Nuts
10. You saw him on "Dr. Phil"
9. Wasted three of nine lives on George Foreman Grill mishaps
8. When you stroke his belly, he purrs, "moooo!"
7. The dog is missing and you found a ransom note spelled out
in yarn
6. Was caught sharing bag of catnip with Whitney Houston's cat
5. That toy he's playing with is grandpa's ear!
4. Calls sports talk radio claiming Knicks are about to turn
it around
3. Firemen are trying to coax you out of a tree
2. Believes Barry Bonds never used steroids
1. He neutered himself
v v v v v
In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a
bathroom-supply store.
We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near
closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to
come back the next day to make our final decision.
Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the
same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a
shift as a waitress.
As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to
me in a loud voice, "HEY! You're the man who needs a shower!"
v v v v v
At least Govenor Paterson didn't have to pay for it !
v v v v v
DRIVING DIRECTIONS IN EUROPE
Viamichelin.com_ (http://www.viamichelin.com/
Scan information on 4.4 million miles of road across 42 European
countries.
Maps feature pop-ups with descriptions and pictures of the desired
destinations;
directions include estimates about what you'll spend on gas; they even tip you
off to speed traps. Caveat: It requires an extra step to convert from
kilometers.
CREATING COMPREHENSIVE MAPS WORLDWIDE
http://www.maps.google.com/
Simple, clearly designed maps and driving instructions are just the
beginning. The standout stuff: live feeds of traffic conditions and street
views
of major U.S. cities (only slightly creepy); addresses, phone numbers
and Web sites for what you're mapping.
v v v v v
Momma always said "Life is like a box of chocolates," but so
are hookers. The good ones always cost more, and sometimes you
get a surprise when you unwrap them.
v v v v v
Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in
my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away,
I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the
morning wore on, however, my anger mellowed, and I decided to give
the driver another chance. During lunchtime, I went outside and
left this note on the driver's windshield: "Please don't take my
parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I
never towed you!"
v v v v v
England's queen is surviving to such a ripe old age that some have
begun to wonder if Prince Charles will ever have the opportunity
to sit on the throne. Forecasters have reduced his prospects to
only a 50% chance of reign
v v v v v
v v v v v
The presidential candidates, in an effort to show they are not
marshmallows who can't take it when the going gets tough, all spent
the night at an outdoor Boy Scout facility known for roughing it,
where they all slept in sleeping bags under the stars and woke up
the next morning with bruises, stiff necks, and mosquito bites. It's
all part of the camp pain.
v v v v v
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams
but I had a close call yesterday.
I walked into Home Depot at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in
Black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the guy out.
Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.
Spread this warning on
v v v v v
Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
v v v v v
There was a great eruption of a south Sea island volcano.
The witch doctor appealed to the tribal chief, demanding that
a virgin be sacrificed to appease the volcano.
The chief apologized, "I've used up all the virgins myself,
so I guess we'll just have to get used to the noise."
v v v v v
An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland
when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off
into the middle of a nearby pond.
Walking over to the village idiot, who was sitting beside
the pond, the tourist asked "Say, son, how deep is this
pond?"
"Oh, only a few inches," replied the idiot.
After taking his shoes off and rolling his trousers up over
his knees, the tourist stepped into the pond to retrieve his
hat and, within a few seconds, was completely submerged in
the water. Swimming out to the middle of the pond he finally
reached his hat, and then struggled back to edge.
Climbing out, he turned to the village idiot and screamed,
"Hey you, I thought you said that pond was only a few inches
deep!"
"Well," shrugged the idiot, "the water only comes half
way
up that duck over there."
v v v v v
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing
there.
He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?'.
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man
and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina'.
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she
tells him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey I am taking
tomorrow off to be home just In case this guy shows up again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door.
The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going to hide
behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer
yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'.
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question.
Do you have vagina'.......'Yes' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave
my wife's alone, and start using yours'
v v v v v
Suffering from a bad case of hemorrhoids, a gay fellow goes to
see his doctor. After his examination the physician prescribes
suppositories twice a day.
When it comes time to use the first suppository the young man
is concerned he will do it wrong. So he goes into the bathroom,
bends over and looks through his legs into the mirror to line up
the target.
All of a sudden, his penis starts to stiffen, blocking his view.
"Oh, stop it," the young man scolds his organ, "it's only
me."
v v v v v
v v v v v
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin, "I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
v v v v v
Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless
her name is Bambi....
v v v v v
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
v v v v v
Original Sin is hard to find, but the digitally enhanced version
is readily available.
v v v v v
Harry's Herd-a-Cow
http://www.harrythedog.ca/herdacow.html
Move em up and head em out! Kinda boring!
Superman Returns(TM): Stop! Press! Game
http://hk.promo.yahoo.com/movie/superman/Stop_Press_Game/
Wow - harder than it seems! Or is just me?
Rooney Design | Flash Games
http://www.dinosaurdesign.com/index.htm
Several games here you might not have seen before
v v v v v
As the shopping center's marketing director, I was putting
the finishing touches on an ad. I asked Nancy, the news-
paper's sales representative, how to spell "eligible."
She
wrote it down on a card she fished from her purse. I com-
pleted the copy, returned the card to her, and she left.
Not long after, I received a call from the manager of one
of our shoe stores. He asked if I knew if Nancy was
married. I told him I thought so and asked why he was
interested. "She just gave me her business card," he
said,
"and on the back she's written 'eligible'."
v v v v v
An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews,
Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the
beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the
middle.
The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that
in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if
there
is a name for it in Scotland.
The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."
v v v v v
Sprint, cable companies pulling back on cell phone joint venture
Kansas City Star - MO,USA
s $200 million joint venture with the cable industry to sell more cellphones
appears to be sputtering. Executives with Sprint, Comcast Corp.and Time ...
Cell phone hoax leads to lingering questions
SRU The Online Rocket (subscription) - Slippery Rock,PA,USA
Even if the bill would pass, it still wouldn't stop people fromtalking on their
cell
phones, said Brittany Black, a 19-yearold sophomore biology major. ...
Calling All Germs: Cell Phones Home For Many Bacteria
KLTV - Tyler,TX,USA
One of the few things most of us carry around almost all the time is
our cell phones. And all that handling isn't always with cleanhands, of course.
...
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one
of his aides nervously approaching him.
"What is it?" sighs the President.
"It's this abortion bill. What do you want to do about it?" the aide
asks.
"Go ahead and pay it," says the President.
v v v v v
CAJUN CHICKEN
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
2 boneless & skinles chicken breasts (thawed)
1 Teaspoon your favorite prepared Cajun seasoning
1 Tbsp. Skim milk
non-fat cooking spray
* lemon wedge, red pepper slices, fresh parsley for garnish
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Rinse chicken and pat dry.
Spray 13x9x2 inch pan with non-fat cooking spray. Place
chicken on pan and brush each with milk. Sprinkle seasoning
over the tops of chicken breasts and bake at 375 degrees
for 45 to 55 minutes. Serve with lemon wedge, red pepper
slices and sprig of parsley, as garnish.
Yield: 2 Servings
v v v v v
I told my wife we should name our kids Gandhi Lincoln, Rosa Barton
and Hitler bin Laden McVeigh. That way there'd be no doubt as to
who the black sheep of the family is.
v v v v v
Microsoft Goes for the Green
http://www.infopackets.com/channels/en/windows/gazette/
Microsoft announced a new program to help put more second-hand computers
pre-loaded with Windows in the hands of consumers. Building on the success
of its 'Community Microsoft Authorized Refurbisher' program, which helps
deliver
used PCs with authorized copies of Windows to charities, educational
institutions,
and nonprofits, the software giant announced a similar program
for commercial businesses that resell computers.
v v v v v
A recent study has shown that
some types
of squirrel chew shed
rattlesnake skins
then lick their
fur with their
snake-scented spit to fool predators.
Who knew used snaked
skins were so
useful?
The Top 9 Uses for
Sloughed-Off Snake Skin
9> Finally, an iPod cover that Death Metal rockers and Country
and Western listeners can agree upon!
8> Novelty casings for your homemade sausage.
7> Skin graft for lawyers.
6> Macho deep fried treats at NASCAR events.
5> Unbelted pants for teenaged worms who want to look "down with
the street."
4> Fashion them into miniature vintage airplanes, or as they're
commonly known, scale models.
3> Four words: Segmented For Her Pleasure.
2> Renewable sandpaper for the super eco-conscious.
and the Number 1 Use for Sloughed-Off Snake Skin...
1> Hospital booties for rodeo casualties.
v v v v v
This is the time of year when the air is
cool
and crisp and the colors seem to change overnight.
Like on November 1, when they rapidly
change
from black and orange to red
and green.
Phil Garding
I think the best games for
children are
the ones that teach as well as
entertain.
For example, Spin the Bottle teaches
kids
that drinking will often lead to
awkward,
embarrassing and unwanted sexual
activity.
Anthony Myers
I used to wonder
why I didn't
seem to have any
personal demons.
Come to find out, *I'm* a personal
demon!
The Covert Comic
v v v v v
THE HEIGHT
Height of patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs
apart under a banana tree.
Height of frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil
to her nipples.
Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.
Height of laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting
for an earthquake to do the rest.
Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump,
your finger pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology: Condom with zip.
Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff
and his ass itching
v v v v v
A man returns from a foreign holiday and is feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the
hospital to undergo tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the
hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests
and we've found you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H.
It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"
"Oh my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do,
doctor?"
"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes,
and pita bread."
"Will that cure me???" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but... it's the only food
we can get under the door."
v v v v v
v v v v v
The Top 9 Agenda Items from a Meeting of the Hollywood
PTA
9> Revocation of Michael Jackson's membership.
8> The value of "No Agent Left Behind" efforts.
7> Cancellation of Britney Spears' "Baby-n-Me" talk, owing to,
um, unforeseen circumstances.
6> Public thank-you to Mr. Spielberg for purchasing $1,593,560
worth of candy during the fund drive.
5> Curriculum shift: Who needs math/science when they know how to
bust a move?
4> Prom behavior amid paparazzi.
3> The dangers of swimming class, especially when wearing too
much bling.
2> The Hollywood Reporter's inappropriateness as book report
material.
and the Number 1 Agenda
Item from
a Meeting of the
Hollywood PTA...
1> Alleviating limo parking lot jams.
v v v v v
Are you folks worried about the economy? Stock market crumbling.
Everybody's crazy about this. Don't worry. George W. Bush says
he's got something in mind to give it a shot in the arm. And
if that doesn't work, Cheney is going to give it a shot in the face.
David Letterman
v v v v v
Celtic Tapper
4 oz Xyience® Big Apple energy drink
1 oz Malibu® coconut rum
1 oz Absolut® vanilla vodka
1 splash DeKuyper® Sour Apple Pucker schnapps
Combine all ingredients over ice.
(Created by Matthew Powers at the 25th anniversary Testicle Festival,
an annual gathering of people who love to eat food, frolic in the
mountains and just plain have fun in Missoula, MT.
This drink outsold all others 2 to 1)
Gin Bucket #2
. 1.75 liter gin
4 liter Sprite® soda
16 oz (2 bottles) lime juice
3 sliced limes
Fill a large bowl or bucket halfway with ice. Pour the
1.75 liters of gin over the ice. Add the 4 liters of Sprite while
stirring to ensure a good mix and temperature of the concoction.
Add the 2 bottles of lime concentrate. Slice the 3 limes into
eight pieces or smaller, as desired, and squeeze
pieces over the mixture while adding them and stir together.
(This is an extremely popular drink at Washington and Lee
University, where they use turkey basters to serve it)
v v v v v
I don't know how it would work exactly, but to be on the safe
side, if I ever get sent to prison I would definitely select the
"Maximum Cavity Protection" toothpaste.
v v v v v
CREAMY BOW TIES WITH SAUSAGE & TOMATOES
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
2 tablespoons Olive oil
1 pound Sweet Italian sausage, crumbled
1/2 teaspoon Dried red pepper flakes
1/2 cup Diced onions
3 cloves Garlic, minced
1 can Italian plum tomatoes, Drained and coarsely chopped
1 1/2 cup Whipping cream
1/2 teaspoons Salt
12 ounce Bow tie pasta
3 tablespoons Minced fresh parsley
Freshly grated Parmesan Cheese
Fresh parsley
DIRECTIONS:
Heat oil in heavy large skillet over medium heat. Add sausage
and pepper flakes. Cook until sausage is no longer pink,
stirring frequently, about 7 minutes. Add onion and garlic to
skillet and cook until onion is tender and sausage is light
brown, stirring occasionally, about 7 minutes. Add tomatoes,
cream and salt. Simmer until mixture thickens slightly, about
4 minutes. Cook pasta in large pot of boiling salted water
until just tender but still firm to bite, stirring occasionally
to prevent sticking. Drain. Serve on a plate or flat bowl with
cream mixture. Top with fresh grated parmesan and parelsy.
Yield: 4 Servings
v v v v v
Chowhound.com
An obsessive community of feisty people around the world share secret finds.
The site features interviews with experts, videos of local culinary
customs
(watch how to tie pancetta), and blogs such as the newly launched Tasting
Notes.
Corn, Black Bean and Red Onion Quesadillas Recipe Details
| Recipe database | washingtonpost.com
http://projects.washingtonpost.com/recipes/2006/01/11/corn-black-bean-and-red-onion-quesadillas/
Here, the vegetables provide a crunchy contrast to the creamy melted cheese,
with a little kick from the chili powder. The quesadillas can be made on the
stovetop or, especially if you're increasing the recipe, in the oven. Serve
with
salsa, sour cream or guacamole.
A word about reheating: Quesadillas are best eaten fresh
*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2007/11/strange-food-special.html>
tedblend.com/2007/11/strange-food-special.html
Strange food
v v
v v v
I was writing a casual letter to a friend, using Microsoft Word,
when I was called away to do something else. So I quickly saved
the letter but neglected to name it. In Word, if you don't type
anything into the "Save as" field, it will use the first few words
of your text as a title, with the suffix ".doc." When I returned
to my computer, the letter was stored as "What's up.doc."
v v
v v v
When I was young we were poor. We didn't have a Christmas tree,
we had a Christmas stump.
v v
v v v
v v v v v
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers
dressed in Bermuda shorts... groping their way through the smog
singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
v v
v v v
"Daughter," said the suspicious father, "that young man who's
been walking you through the park strikes me as being exceedingly
unpolished." "Well," she answered coyly, "he is a little
rough
around the hedges."
v v
v v v
*borrowed from*
shiny@shinyhappyhead.com
v v
v v v
A study in England says that children universally dislike clowns.
However, millions of Americans usually vote for one every four years
v v
v v v
*Your
Cat's New Year's Resolutions*
My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at
peace with that.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home
and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty
of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then
pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER
to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across
the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're
trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If
I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the
couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to
chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is
something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my
human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.
It is not necessary to check every door.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying
to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days,
it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and
attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the
family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not*
a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason
after my human has watched a horror movie.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall,
and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell
at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night
and stare until they wake up.
I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important
adagfsg gdjag ;ln.
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
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A very drunken man gets on a city bus late one night, staggers
up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the
man up and down and says, "I've got news for you - You're going
straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm
on the wrong bus!"
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"All
I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... "
--It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
--Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
--Wearing white is always appropriate.
--Winter is the best of the four seasons.
--It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
--There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.
--We're all made up of mostly water.
--You know you've made it when they write a song about you.
--Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
--Avoid yellow snow.
--Don't get too much sun.
--It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.
--It's fun to hang out in your front yard.
--Always put your best foot forward.
--There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.
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IWC presents: Kevin Spacey - The Interrogation of Leo and Lisa
http://leoandlisa.iwc.com/index.html
THE INTERROGATION OF LEO AND LISA. If you have 15 minutes to spare,
this Kevin Spacey performance at http://leoandlisa.iwc.com/index.html
is
entertaining and thought-provoking. ( Neatnetricks )
*submitted by*
BillieJo50
HEMA - online winkelen
http://producten.hema.nl/
Just sit back and watch the screen - and no, it won't scare you
Five for Fighting
http://whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/
For charity specific donations, whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com will pay $1.00
per view of the designated charity’s videos - until the number of
viewings
equals the amount donated less .04 per view. The .04 expense is
Revver.com's
.03/view webhosting charge and California Community Foundation's (CCF) 1%
administrative expense. OVER 95% of money donated goes directly to the
chosen charity!
For general donations, whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com will again distribute
OVER 95% of money donated to the selected charities. This is determined
primarily by the amount of views per charity. The 5% expense will include
Revver.com's
.03/view webhosting cost, CCF's 1% administrative expense and site
maintenance.
Donations may be made in the name whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com or directly to
any of the charities and site will acknowledge the donation in the its list
of contributors.
Donations to whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com are tax deductible and payable to
the California Community Foundation
Fun Station's Cool Videos And Pictures: Top 10 3D Sidewalk Drawings
http://fun-station.blogspot.com/2006/12/top-10-3d-sidewalk-drawings.html
A few new ones!
Welcome to Coney Island Polar Bear Club
http://www.polarbearclub.org/
The Coney Island Polar Bear Club is the oldest winter bathing
organization in the United States. We swim in the
Atlantic Ocean at Coney Island every Sunday from October through April.
Brrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Test Your Geography Knowledge- USA
http://www.lizardpoint.com/fun/geoquiz/usaquiz.html
Not as easy as it was when I was in school!! Yikes
*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
YouTube - Native New Yorker Odyssey
http://youtube.com/watch?v=-BYvlGkroUg
If you love NYC you might like this video and music
Kiva.org - Loans that change lives
http://kiva.org/
We let you loan to the working poor
Kiva lets you connect with and loan money to unique small businesses
in the developing world. By choosing a business on Kiva.org, you can
"sponsor a business" and help the world's working poor make
great strides
towards economic independence. Throughout the course of the loan
(usually 6-12 months), you can receive email journal updates from the
business you've sponsored. As loans are repaid, you get your loan money back.
This is for real and has been discussed, positively on news shows.
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The Top 10 Stupid Things You Said/Did Over The Holidays
(I know
this is an old subject - this issue was to be posted after the holidays,
but the rest is history!)
10> "Since you said Timmy is musically inclined, I bought him a
drum set. With built-in amplifiers."
9> "What should I do with this %@#)^& fruitcake your Aunt Elsie
sent?"
8> You actually spent Trish's entire holiday break mulling over
your submissions so you could score that elusive #1 spot.
7> Rum + Sled + Stairs + Streaking + Banister = Emergency Room +
Scrotum + Stitches.
6> "Are you telling me that you're almost four years old and my
brother still hasn't told you the truth about Santa Claus?"
5> "Don't worry about giving Granny too much mulled wine -- she
will never get drunk enough to do the Naughty Elf Dance from
her glory days as a stripper."
4> Apparently your girlfriend's hint about wanting something big
and sparkly doesn't include a scrolling LED license plate
frame.
3> "No, honey...I don't mind if we spend Christmas with your
family."
2> 12 shots of Jaeger, 11 Pints of Dark Ale, 10 Red Headed Sluts,
9 White Russians, 8 Long Island Iced Teas, 7 Double Mudslides,
6 Sex on the Beachs, 5 Jaaaaack and Cooooooke. 4 Mike's Hard
Lemonade, 3 White Wine Spritzers, 2 Margaritas, and a 6 pack
of really cheap Coors.
and the Number 1
Stupid Thing
You Said/Did Over The
Holidays...
1> "But you said you didn't need anything for Christmas as long
as you had me!"
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to
wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the
store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of
bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof)
and the location
of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin
bread please," the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread,
which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost
directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he
would. Once she descends the ladder he thinks that he really
should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male
customers notices what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requests
his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of
another customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin
bread just to see the clerk climb up and down. Finally, once again atop the
ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below
she notices an elderly man standing among the crowd, staring up at her.
Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it
raisin for you, too?"
"No," stammers the old man, "but it's a quiverin'."
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Mike: Do you remember first meeting your wife?
John: Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted
her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry
me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the
gutter again.
Mike: Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her.
John: Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling.
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A teacher was telling his class about the origins of the word
"manuscript."
He said, "It comes from the latin words 'manu and scriptus,' and so means
written by hand. But when you think of it, what other kind of writing
could there have been?"
One student said, "Footnotes?"
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SPYWARE!
Spyware is a general term used for software that performs certain tasks, such
as collecting personal information or changing the configuration of your computer
without your appropriate consent and control. Spyware can significantly
slow down your computer, make unwanted changes to key settings,
and be difficult to remove.
Anti-spyware software helps protect your computer from spyware and other
potentially unwanted software by detecting and removing known
spyware programs. It can be scheduled to scan your computer at times that are
convenient for you.
A variety of tools that detect and remove unwanted software
from your computer are available at no charge
Microsoft offers Windows AntiSpyware which can help protect your PC from
spyware and other potentially unwanted software This is available from http://www.microsoft.com/antispyware
for FREE for all users of Genuine Windows software.
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The Top
8 Little-Known Concerns of a Mother/Father of the Bride
8> Footing the bill for the reception after just finishing with
her college loan payments.
7> How soon before we need to finance the baby shower?
6> Does a cummerbund properly conceal a shotgun?
5> ...and her bedroom will make the nicest office, and where her
cello used to sit can go the big-screen TV, and...
4> Must not yell NOW SHE'S YOUR PROBLEM when the minister
declares them husband and wife.
3> Trying to keep Uncle Billy sober long enough to drive the
couple from the church to the reception in his borrowed limo
2> Let's all hope that Gramma's eyesight is so poor that she
won't notice it's granddaughter Kate marrying life partner
Sienna.
and the Number 1 Little-Known
Concern
of a Mother/Father of
the Bride...
1> Hoping she doesn't catch that you've replaced her birth
control pills with green M&Ms, since you want grandchildren
so much.
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Out of the Navy and ready to buy my own home, I filled out the veterans loan
forms
and mailed them away. But what I didn't realize was that I had placed the
forms in the envelope containing a lock of hair from my two-year-old son's
first haircut. Two weeks later I received this note: "Enclosed is your
loan
certificate. Regardless of what you were told, we really don't need a sample of
your DNA."
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by deb
The
Darkest Evening of The Year
by Dean
Koontz
"Set mostly in Southern California, this topnotch thriller from
bestseller
Koontz (The Good Guy) depicts with unabashed emotion and wit the magical
powers of golden retrievers-in particular, a female named Nickie, who will
stop
at nothing to save innocent children and protect their guardians. Amy Redwing,
the survivor of a horrifying marriage, establishes Golden Heart to rescue
golden
retrievers, rehabilitate the abused ones and find "forever homes."
A
supernatural chain of events ensues after Amy and her architect boyfriend,
Brian
McCarthy, rescue Nickie during a violent intervention in a family dispute.
Soon
the pair are on a mission that leads to a transformative confrontation with
a
number of ugly characters-Gunther Schloss, a frustrated aspiring novelist
turned
killer-for-hire"
Oh no -- I couldn't wait for this book to come out. I am so
disappointed. I am
not into supernatural situations so maybe that is my problem with this novel.
I felt it was unbelievable (duh) and way too far fetched for my tastes.
Damn. Even the title sounded good.
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Because I don't have a personal computer, I use one at my local library.
One day I urgently needed to research something, so I hastily put on my
gloves and helmet, and jumped onto my bike to head over to the library.
Dashing into the building, I sat down and started to work. Moments later
another library patron approached me.
"Excuse me," he said. "I've heard of computers crashing, but
this is the first time
I've ever seen anyone wearing a helmet."
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CHICKEN A-LA MARZEE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 Whole Chicken, cut up
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 pound sliced mushrooms
2 cups Ketchup
2 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon black pepper
salt to taste
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place chicken in a baking dish and
set aside. In a medium skillet, heat olive oil. Sauté onion,
bell pepper, garlic, and mushrooms until golden brown. In a
medium bowl, combine ketchup, chicken broth, Worcester sauce,
and pepper. Pour the ketchup mixture over the sautéed vegetables
in the skillet. Bring the beget able mixture to a boil, then
pour over the chicken. Place dish in the oven and bake 1 1/2 hours
or until no longer pink inside and juices run clear.
Best when served over rice.
Yield: 6 Servings
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Apple monster update fixes 41 Mac OS X, Safari vulnerabilities | Ryan
Naraine’s Zero Day | ZDNet.com
http://blogs.zdnet.com/security/?p=666&tag=nl.e622
With Security Update 2007-008 and Mac OS X v10.4.11, Apple patches
multiple "highly critical" flaws that could cause unexpected system
shutdowns,
drive-by-malware downloads and remote code execution attacks.
Hacker finds 492,000 unprotected Oracle, SQL database servers |
Ryan Naraine’s Zero Day | ZDNet.com
http://blogs.zdnet.com/security/?p=663&tag=nl.e622
A survey by renowned database hacker David Litchfield has found a whopping
492,000 Microsoft SQL and Oracle database servers directly accessible to the
Internet without firewall protection.
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For some recruits, there is nothing basic about
basic training. It was clear that one soldier in particular was not
getting
the hang of it when on guard duty one night, he cried out,
"Halt! Don't shoot or I'll move!"
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Sally had three very active boys. One summer evening, she was
playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner.
One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're
dead."
She slumped to the ground, and when she didn't get up right away,
a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye
and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only
chance I've had to rest all day."
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Must wash hands
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1441.html
Here!
Guilt free sex
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1442.html
Here!
Best orgasm ...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1443.html
Here!
ove is blind
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1444.html
Here!
Exchange student
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1445.html
Here!
Asses To Asses
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/006.htm
Here
Dandruff Shampoo
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/756.html
Here
Don't Be Shy!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/757.html
Here
Two for One
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/758.html
Here
Strapped and Ready
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/759.html
Here
What First Attracted You?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/760.html
Here
*submitted by*
GuffieBaby
http://www.bentbay.dk/auto_MK1.jpg
X T R E M E L Y naughty
Amateur BJ
http://www.curlydavid.com/ambj213.html
Sweet Licks
http://www.curlydavid.com/swli12.html
Here Cums The Bride
http://www.curlydavid.com/hctb.html
Hottie
http://www.curlydavid.com/hottie1110.html
Knock Knock
http://www.curlydavid.com/knockk4.html
Teachers Pet
http://www.curlydavid.com/tepet.html
Creamy
http://www.curlydavid.com/crea4.html
Curly Fan
http://www.curlydavid.com/cfan42.html
Lego Fun
http://www.curlydavid.com/legofun.html
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or
implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on
operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on
rockin'
it's a
state of mind
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©1999 -
2008 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and
Rollin'
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