Editor:  DebsSweet
  Graphic Editors:  Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
   CrispySue, kittykab
  Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
  Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet






ISSUES


I'm already a bit tired of all the political ads but I have to admit that this is a fascinating
year in politics!  Do you have a favorite?  Still learning about the candidates
and what they stand for?  Let's educate ourselves and vote for the right person...if
there is such a thing!

Need government forms - forms from the feds?
This page contains downloadable government electronic forms. Over the 
years, we have had requests for many of these, but they have never been 
available to depository libraries. This list is not comprehensive, but comprises 
those forms most asked for by the public. Many other agencies have quite 
specialized forms and should be accessed directly.  Find this
link in the SURFIN' section

Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
  order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
  anti-virus and adware removal software!

  If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
  and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
  to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.

  Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

  and don't  forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 






"I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just
before I went under I heard the one thing you don't want to hear,
'Where's my lucky scalpel?'"



Jonathan Ketz



v v v v v



I  walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. 

"Where's your mother?" I asked.

"She said she was going to have a shower.  Just a minute, I'll see."

Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. 

An indignant yell came from above. 

Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said,  "Yes, she's in the shower."



v v v v v


Adding New Storage to Your Computer System:  Dummies
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-3990,subcat-HARDWARE.html

Consider how simple it is to add fast storage — or the  ability to record your
own CDs and DVDs — to today's PCs. If you're the least  bit nervous about
digging inside your PC's innards to add more hard drive space,  you'll be pleased
to know that it's easy to connect a fast external hard drive  to your system . . . providing
that you have the FireWire or USB 2.0 ports  available on your PC.



v v v v v



There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to
look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice
it is that wrinkles don't hurt.



v v v v v



Jill: "Oh Margaret. This new guy I'm dating is sooooo romantic.
Every time he speaks to me, he starts with, 'Fair Lady'."

Margaret: "Romantic my ass!  Don't you know he used to be a bus driver."



v v v v v



Conversation between wife and husband over chessboard:

Wife: This reminds me when we were dating.

Husband: We never played chess in those days, Gladys.

Wife: No, but even then it took you two hours to make a move.



v v v v v






Edible Landscaping with Charlie Nardozzi :: National Gardening Association
http://www.garden.org/ediblelandscaping/?page=the-queen

People have been growing edible plants near their homes for food and beauty
for thousands of years. The ancient Persians, Egyptians, and many Asian cultures
integrated edible plants into their pleasure gardens and installed them close to
  their living space. It was only during the Renaissance that the idea arose to
separate utilitarian plants (food) from non-utilitarian flowers. Upper-class
  people saw growing only flowers near their home as a way to show off their
wealth and power. They were so wealthy they could use their land to grow plants
  simply for pleasure and hide the edibles somewhere else.



v v v v v



A new couple were making love in the dunes. When they were done
he said, "How lucky for us that you brought a condom with you."

She said, "We're even luckier than you think because I found it
here in the sand."



v v v v v



FIESTA DEVILED EGGS  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
8 hard boiled eggs  
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese  
1/4 cup mayonnaise  
1/4 cup salsa  
2 Tablespoons sliced green onion  
1 Tablespoon sour cream  
salt to taste  

DIRECTIONS:  
Slice eggs in half lengthwise, remove yolks and set whites  
aside. In a small bowl, mash yolks with cheese, mayonnaise,  
salsa, onions, sour cream and salt. Evenly fill the egg  
whites. Lightly sprinkle with paprika if desired. Chill  
until ready to serve.  

Yield: 16 Appetizers  



v v v v v



What should you do if a pretty girl sits down on your hand?

Try to get her off!





v v v v v



What did the medieval damsel have against daylight?

Nothing, really.  It's just that she preferred a long, hard knight.



v v v v v



"Mom, hey, Mom! Lennie passed his bar exam so we're going to get
married next week!" The bride-to-be was ecstatic.

"Gee, honey, don't you think you two should wait till he's been practicing for
a year or so?" cautioned her mother.

"Oh Mom," said the bride with a blush, "we've been practicing."



v v v v v



Jake is 5 and learning to read.  He points at a picture in a zoo
book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama!  It says so on the picture!"

and so it does ..." A f r i c a n Elephant "



v v v v v





Dummies::Exploring the Pros and Cons of Designer Dogs
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-
5321.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
A designer dog is a dog whose parents were both purebred dogs of
different breeds. The designer dog was bred intentionally by a
designer-dog breeder. A non-designer mixed-breed dog is a dog who
was bred either intentionally or by accident. One or both of his
parents were not purebred dogs. More


Click here: Call the Vet, Quick!:Dummies
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTip/id-1068.html
One would think it would be common sense but here's a list of symptoms that
require your cat to see a veterinarian



v v v v v



"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love,
"Will you still make love like that to me after we're married ?"

He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've
always been especially fond of married women."



v v v v v



NOTE FROM CHRIS:

         Big-collar-and-poofy-sleeve-wearing Neil Diamond
         said recently that JFK's young daughter was the
          inspiration for his 1970 hit "Sweet Caroline."


The Top 16 Inspirations Behind Hit Songs


16> Neil Diamond's "Cracklin' Rosie": Neil's right hand

15> The Beatles' "Nowhere Man": Steve Fosset

14> Styx's "Babe": that friggin' pig

13> Devo's "Whip It": the Marquis de Sade

12> Chuck Berry's "Maybellene": Tammy Faye Bakker

11> R.E.M.'s "The One I Love": R.E.M.

10> Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing": a viewing of "Ishtar"

9> Bob Seger's "Turn the Page": Congressman Mark Foley

8> MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This": Edward Scissorhands

7> U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For": the
    American voter

6> Iron Butterfly's "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida": a sixth-grade education

5> The Four Seasons' "Walk Like a Man": Frankie Valli, after
    the angry-mule incident that allowed him to hit those high
    notes on "Sherry Baby"

4> Tony Orlando's "Knock Three Times": Senator Larry Craig

3> America's "Horse With No Name": some seriously bad weed

2> Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff": Dick Cheney


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Inspiration Behind a Hit Song...


1> The Beatles' "Can't Buy Me Love": Sergeant Andrea MacElroy,
    Undercover Vice Squad, Liverpool Police Department



v v v v v



"According to scientists ... one day we may have sex with  
robots. And if  you want to know what that's like, just ask  
Maria Shriver."  



David Letterman



v v v v v





*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


HANDY HINTS


HINT 1   
Out of String? Use old panty hose to tie newspapers   
together for recycling. They're really strong and   
hold a lot.  


HINT 2   
Fill in a section of hose with dries herbs such as rosemary   
or lavender then tie off and hang in the closet or bathroom.   
Makes a great sachet.  



v v v v v



*submitted by*
WaltWiso



Leroy goes to the revival and listens to the preacher.

After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come
forward to the front at the altar.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy,
what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand
on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays.

After a few minutes, the preacher removes his  hands, stands back and asks
Leroy: "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it's not until next Wednesday."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
MarieK54


A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all
perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.
Peter asks the first girl,

"Tammy, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles
and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip
of my finger."

St. Peter says,"Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and
pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,
"Kelli, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and
stroked one."St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy
Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One
girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the
front, St. Peter says, "Paula ! What seems to be the rush ?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I
want to do it before Laurie sticks her ass in it."



v v v v v







About Vision - Eyes and Vision Problems - Eye Care
http://vision.about.com/) 
_http://vision.about.com/_ (http://vision.about.com/)
Nearsightedness (myopia) and farsightedness (hyperopia) are common vision 
problems. If you are nearsighted, you can clearly see objects that are close to
you, but have a hard time focusing on objects that are far away. Conversely, if 
you are farsighted, you have difficulty seeing objects that are nearby. 
Find out more about nearsightedness and farsightedness

Reasons for Eye Exam-Top 5 Reasons to Have an Eye Exam
http://vision.about.com/od/eyeexaminations/tp/Exam_Reasons.htm
You find time to visit your family doctor for an annual physical. 
You manage to take your children to their pre-appointed six-month dental hygiene
visits. But are you or your family overdue for a trip to the eye doctor's 
office? Vision care is often neglected. In reality, how much could we actually 
accomplish in a day without the precious gift of sight? Here are five great
reasons to schedule a comprehensive eye  examination.



v v v v v



The Top 8  Signs You're Being Cheated On


8> Lately he's been going to bed earlier, claiming his penis is tired.

7> The hairs in her teeth are black, and you're a redhead.

6> You're getting flowers up the kazoo, but that's all. Just flowers.

5> She suddenly WANTS you to explain football to her.

4> The CEO of Trojan, Inc. personally stops by to thank your husband.

3> You haven't been with her for six weeks yet she's still fully inflated.

2> Your toddler uses air quotes when he calls you "Daddy."


and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Cheated On...


1> It's difficult to make the bed in the morning because there's
some whore lying in it.



v v v v v





Lawnmower DUI
http://www.biggeekdaddy.com/humorpages/Misc/lawnmowerDUI.html
No way!

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
The Webshite »  WARNING: May contain nuts
http://www.thewebshite.net/index.php
Can any adult be this dumb?  Wow



v v v v v



My mother has a "lead foot," so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled 
us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning,
Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.

"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer.

"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"



v v v v v



Did you hear about the new computer Apple has developed,
small enough to be carried in a fanny pack?

It will be called the Macintush.




v v v v v






BFF? JDTM! (Best Friends Forever? Just Don't Touch Me!)
http://womensissues.about.com/b/2007/11/07/bff-jdtm-best-friends-forever-just-dont-touch-me.htm
From the "Things Are Getting a Little Out of Control" file: A 13-year-old  girl was given
detention for hugging her friends goodbye after school. 
According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch
(http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/illinoisnews/story/32B579
E2975B8BA08625738B007B4E1B?OpenDocument), the 8th grader, Megan Coulter, a
  student at Mascoutah Middle School, was reprimanded by Randy Blakely, the
school's vice principal, who caught her in the act and punished the girl for her unspeakable crime. 
It was a repeat offense for Coulter, who had been previously warned by 
Blakely after she was seen hugging a student at a football game. 
School policy dictates that "displays of affection should not occur on the campus at any time."

Romeo and Juliet Laws – What They Mean for Teens
http://womensissues.about.com/od/datingandsex/a/Romeo_and_Julie.htm?nl=1
The difference between two teens having consensual sex and an adult 
molesting a child would seem obvious. But in many states in the U.S., legally 
speaking, there’s little distinction between the two. An older teen who has sex
with his younger girlfriend can be arrested, prosecuted, and jailed for the act.
Even worse, he may carry the stigma of being labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. 
The problem typically arises when the male is 18 or 19, the female is between 
14 and 16, and the parent of the younger teen presses charges.



v v v v v



TORTELLINI & APPLE SALAD  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
3 tablespoons concentrated apple juice (frozen)  
3 tablespoons light corn syrup  
1 teaspoon cider vinegar  
2 teaspoons firmly packed brown sugar  
1/8 teaspoon garlic salt  
Dash pepper  
1 package refrigerated cheese tortellini (9 ounce)  
2 cups chopped apples  
2 cups shredded salad greens  
1 cup of mandarin orange slices or strawberries  
1/2 cup thin sliced celery  
1/4 cup sliced green onions  
2 tablespoons pine nuts  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine apple juice concentrate, corn syrup, vinegar, sugar,  
garlic salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate. Cook the  
cheese tortellini according to package directions. Drain and  
cool thoroughly. In large mixing bowl combine tortellini and  
remaining ingredients. Toss gently with apple juice dressing  
and serve immediately.  

Yield: 6 servings  



v v v v v



"A new company has developed a Lazy Boy-style recliner.
It can handle up to 600 pounds. It tilts up to help overweight people.

Didn't that used to be called a forklift?"



v v v v v






Costco will buy your electronics - Green Daily
http://www.greendaily.com/2007/11/08/costco-will-buy-your-electronics/
Bulk retailer Costco (http://www.costco.com/) has partnered with Greensight (http://www.greensight.com/) 
to take unwanted electronics off your hands (http://www.greensight.com/CostcoTrades/Common/equiptypes.aspx)
. Seeing the need for proper disposal of obsolete or unwanted products has driven the
two companies to collect goods and resell or disassemble 
them for recycling. They'll even pay for shipping.

Popular items like MP3  players, game systems and laptops can get you a
few dollars on a Costco cash card. For example, if you were interested in trading
in your 4th generation  iPod, you could get $70 and an original Xbox could get
you $32. Though there is no money given for monitors, printers or fax machines, Costco
will help you with  the recycling which sure beats putting them out on the curb.



v v v v v



               There's a new diet pill in town, and it's called Alli. It stops the body from            
               absorbing fat. But there's this wee little side effect where if you injest             
             too much fat at a meal, you'll well, you might poop your pants. People are                
             calling it Alli-Oops. We have a few more suggestions.                          


      The Top 8 Better Way of Expressing Alli's Side-Effect      


8> Alli-Babas #2 thief

7> Alli Alli Poopsen Free!

6> Back-Alli

5> Diet-Reha

4> Alli McSquirt

3> The Side Effect Slightly Less Embarrassing Than Death

2> Fruiting the Looms


                  and the Number 1 Better Way of                 
                 Expressing Alli's Side-Effect...                


1> Accidentally spoiling Victoria's Secret



v v v v v







v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front
porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted:
"PRAISE THE  LORD!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old
lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.
One morning, in  the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and 
shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!
Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.
"PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR  ME!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted:
"THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted:
"PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND
MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"



v v v v v







Shooters Special
From a very special little bar in Bangla Rd, Patong, Phuket, Thailand.
1 oz Bailey's® Irish cream
1 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur
1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
Pour all the ingredient into individual shot 
glasses. Get a margarita glass place it in front of drinker.
Then line up  all ingredients behind margarita class.
Give drinker straw. Friend will  then pour all of Baileys
Irish cream and Southern comfort into margarita
glass at the same time. The drinker drinks using straw,
as he/she drinks pour the 2 ingredients left into the
margarita glass at the same time.  Enjoy.

WARNING: THIS GETS YOU PLASTERED, World record is 7 in a row.



Twisted Sunset
A tropical cocktail as served at The Ground Round Grill & Bar
Restaurant, an eastern and midwest US restaurant chain.
1 oz Smirnoff® Vanilla Twist vodka
1 oz Captain Morgan® Parrot Bay coconut rum
4 oz orange juice
1 splash grenadine syrup
Measure vodka and rum and pour into highball glass 
over ice. Fill to top with Orange Juice. Stir to mix. Add
splash of  grenadine to glass so that it sinks to bottom and slowly
mixes and rises to top of glass to give that sunset effect.



v v v v v



"I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth
grade teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions.
One kid asked, 'Is there any part of the woman's body known as
the Volvo?' Which I thought was a good question. I said, 'Only on
Swedish women.'"



Dennis Wolfberg



v v v v v



A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment.

"Mrs. Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen-year-old
boy spends three hours every night in your apartment?"

Mrs. Smith replied, "It's a platonic friendship.  It's play for
him and a tonic for me."



v v v v v



Bush Presidential Library


As an Historian, I always look forward to the opening of new
historical facilities. I have used several Presidential Libraries
in the past for my research.

The plans for the new George W. Bush Library sound intriguing.

- The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.

- The Hurricane Katrina Room - It's still under construction.

- The Texas Air National Guard Room - Where you don't have to even show up.

- The Walter Reed Hospital Room - Where they don't let you in.

- The Guantanamo Bay Room - Where they don't let you out.

- The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room - Nobody has been able to find it.

- The War in Iraq Room - After you complete your first tour, they
can force you to go back for your second and third and fourth tours.

- The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy an election,
or, if no one cares, steal one.

- The Men's Room - Where you could meet a Republican Senator (or two).

To be fair, the President has done some good things, and so the
museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.



v v v v v





*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Visual Dictionary  Online
http://visual.merriam-webster.com/
The Visual Dictionary is designed to help you find the right word at a glance.
Filled with stunning illustrations labeled with accurate terminology in up to
six languages, it is the ideal language-learning and vocabulary
dictionary for use at school, at home or at work.

Welcome to EveryScape
http://www.everyscape.com/
Online mapping services have really taken off in recent years.
You'll find driving directions at sites like Yahoo!, Google and Microsoft. 
You’ll also find satellite images and, sometimes, street-level images.
So how could things get any better? Visit EveryScape and you’ll see the full
  potential of online mapping services.
It allows you to navigate around a city. That’s cool. You can also go
inside buildings and take tours. For example, I visited restaurants in Miami.
I also toured an art center, stopping to look at the paintings on the walls!
Unfortunately, only a few cities are available on EveryScape. But the
site promises to add more. kkomando.com

*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com
Take Me Back To The Sixties
http://moreoldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm) 
Music and info from the 60's

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
The Bargainist | Deals,  Sales & Coupons
http://www.bargainist.com/
Find hot deals and coupons - sales and coupons too

The University of Memphis: University Libraries - FORMS FROM THE FEDS
http://exlibris.memphis.edu/resource/unclesam/forms.html
This page contains downloadable government electronic forms. Over the years,
we have had requests for many of these, but they have never been available to
depository libraries. This list is not comprehensive, but comprises those forms
most asked for by the public. Many other agencies have quite
  specialized forms and should be accessed directly.

NY Times outline
http://nytimesriver.com/outline/
It’s no secret that the newspaper industry is struggling. Fewer and fewer 
people are reading printed newspapers.
Instead, more of us are getting our news online. There are plenty of news
  sites there. The New York Times is one of my favorites.
I’ve just discovered a new way to find Times stories. NYTimesriver.com has an outline of them. 
The outline is arranged by keyword. Frequently used keywords float to the top
of the list. So, you can find the most popular stories. Or, look at the keywords
to see what’s dominating the news.
Expand the keyword to see the relevant stories. You’ll see a headline and
  brief description. You can click through to the Times to read the story.
Incidentally, the outline is generated from the NY Times River’s main site.
It is updated every 10 minutes. And it is optimized for cell phones. So bookmark
the site if you like your news on the go!

thumbalizr - a website thumbnail creator
http://www.thumbalizr.com/
Allows screenshots of any Web page by fixed height of the
screen or complete page, and in one of five resolutions



v v v v v



If you want every day of the year to feel like Christmas, do what I
did: Capture Santa and lock him in your basement. Each day, refuse
to give him his cookie allotment until he gives you a present
out of his bag of gif-- wait a minute... There's only one Santa,
and he's already in *my* basement. Never mind.



v v v v v



I have decided to completely drop out of the old rat race, get
back to the simple things of life and begin a new career making
things with my own two hands -- like license plates.



v v v v v



Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?



v v v v v





Use a Firewall


When someone on the internet or on a network tries to connect to your computer,
we call that attempt an "unsolicited request." When your computer gets an unsolicited
request, a Firewall application could block the connection. If you run a program such as
an instant messaging program or a multiplayer network game that needs to receive
information from the Internet or a network, the firewall asks if you want to
  block or unblock (allow) the connection.

If you are running Windows XP with Service Pack 2, you can take advantage of Windows
Firewall which is a protective boundary that monitors and restricts information that
travels between your computer and a network or the Internet. This provides a line of
defense against someone who might try to access your computer from outside the
Windows Firewall without your permission. If you are using Windows XP and have not
yet upgraded to Service Pack 2, Windows Firewall was previously
known as Internet Connection Firewall or ICF

You do not have to use Windows Firewall, you can install and run any firewall
that you choose available through other software vendors. Evaluate the features
of other firewalls and then decide which firewall best meets your needs. If you
choose to install and run another firewall, turn off Windows Firewall.



v v v v v



You work 25 years at a job, every day putting in your blood, sweat,
and tears till eventually you become a master of your trade. Then
some snot-nosed punk gets hired and within three weeks he thinks
*he's* the deep-fryer king!



v v v v v



A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for
Women gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject
in which the doctor was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect
whether or not an individual is mentally challenged who appears
to be completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question
which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates,
that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around
the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must
confess I don't know much about history."



v v v v v



by deb


Free Classic AudioBooks. Digital narration for the 21st Century
http://freeclassicaudiobooks.com/
Audio books can be costly. They’re often more expensive than the cloth-bound variety. 
Fortunately, free audio books are available. Today’s site has a number of
classic books recorded for your listening pleasure.
You’ll find books in the MP3 format. They’ll work on any player. There are
also versions specifically for the iPod. Additionally, you can burn books to CD
  for listening in the car.

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Shelfari - Welcome to Shelfari! Read, Share, Explore!
http://www.shelfari.com/
Shelfari makes it easy to see what your friends  are reading, what others with
similar tastes have enjoyed, and even get and give
book recommendations. I signed up and I LOVE IT!  See you there!


Facets
by Barbara Delinsky


"Nothing can prepare writer Hillary Cox for seeing her lover of 20 years, mining magnate
John St. George, announce on television that he's marrying  another woman. Seeking
revenge, Hillary begins a tell-all book exposing John and  his shady past. John's sister,
Pamela St. George, also wants revenge against her  brother. Throughout her life,
Pamela has suffered horrifying abuses at John's  hands. She sets out to wrest
control of the family's tourmaline mining business  from him. As Hillary attempts to end
her obsession with John, Pamela searches  for Cutter Reid, the one man she has always
loved, and from whom John has always  kept her. Now, a three-decade-old family drama
of power, duplicity, and money  comes hurtling to an explosive final confrontation
with the one man who has so  damaged their lives"

I really enjoyed this book.  A few twists and turns, interesting  characters, believable
plot AND emotional revelations.  This one should keep your interest.  I definitely recommend it.



v v v v v



A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to
have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the
husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went
through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right,
who's the other father!?!"



v v v v v



What do you call a coke bottle full of bees?

A West Virginia Vibrator



v v v v v



You know your grandchildren love you when they not only bless you
when you sneeze, but also help find your teeth.



v v v v v




Macworld: Secrets: Easy online backups, Page 1
http://www.macworld.com/2007/11/secrets/dec07workingmac/index.php

You know you should back up your data. But whether it’s the cost, the setup, 
or the hassle of swapping discs or shuttling around hard drives, most of us find 
a million excuses not to get the job done. So wouldn’t it be great if you could 
click on a few buttons and ensure that your data was backed up regularly? Thanks
  to a new breed of online services, it’s possible to copy files over the Internet 
easily and affordably, keeping your data secure at an off-site location.



v v v v v



Top Ten Silliest Questions Asked on a Cruise Ship


10. Do these steps go up or down?

9. What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?

8. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?

7. Does the crew sleep on the ship?

6. Is this island completely surrounded by water?

5. Does the ship make its own electricity?

4. Is it salt water in the toilets?

3. What elevation are we at?

2. There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays
them the next day, this question is asked: If the pictures aren't
marked, how will I know which ones are mine?

1. What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?



v v v v v






v v v v v



Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick
25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar
bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?" His
three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the
putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their
money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written,
"I can make this putt."



v v v v v






*submitted by*
BODRUMS57

Brownie Delight
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0519.html

Brownies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0277.html

Buccaneer Snowballs
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0700.html

Buried Cherry Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0701.html)

Butter Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0487.html

Butter Nut Balls
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0055.html

Butterballs
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0073.html

Butterscotch Haystacks
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0480.html



v v v v v



LIGHTENED UP TIRAMISU

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
8 ounces semi sweet chocolate, finely chopped  
1/4 cup fat free egg substitute  
1 cup sugar  
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla  
1 8-ounce package fat free cream cheese, cut into small pieces  
1 8-ounce frozen light whipped topping, thawed  
1 tablespoon instant espresso powder  
1/4 cup hot water  
1 cup cold water  
1 fat free pound cake, cut into 1/2 inch slices  

DIRECTIONS:  
(food processor can be used to finely chop chocolate ahead  
of time and set aside). In food processor with metal blade,  
process egg substitute and sugar for 30 seconds. Add vanilla;  
process 1 minute or until pale yellow. Add cream cheese pieces,  
a few at a time, processing until smooth. Transfer mixture to  
medium bowl. Cover; refrigerate 1 hour. Fold whipped topping  
into cream cheese mixture. Set aside. In large shallow dish,  
dissolve espresso powder in the hot water; add the cold water.  
Quickly dip cake slices into espresso, turning to coat all sides.  
Arrange slices in bottom of 13x9 inch baking dish or 12 cup  
shallow dish, smoothing with fingers to mold cake slices  
together. Sprinkle with half of the chopped chocolate. Top  
with chilled cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle with remaining  
chocolate. Cover; refrigerate at least 3 hours or overnight  
before serving. Store in refrigerator.  

Yield: 12 Servings  



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


I was at a gas station the other day and noticed a man was getting
gas and he was smoking a cigarette.

I went inside to pay for my gas. The man outside somehow caught his
arm on fire. He came running inside the gas station and the clerk
pulled out a gun and shot him.

I asked the clerk why on earth he shot the man, and he replied,

"C'mon, you saw him. . . he had a fire arm."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
WaltWiso


I Saw a billboard that said, 
Need some help?

Call Jesus.  1-800-005-3787 


I did and a Mexican showed up with a tow truck.



v v v v v







v v v v v



HOMEMADE PRETZELS  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 tbsp. yeast  
1/2 c. warm water  
1 tsp. honey  
1 1/3 c. flour  
1 tsp. salt  

DIRECTIONS:  
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Put the yeast in a small  
bowl with the water and honey. Stir a little, then let the  
mixture sit for 5 minutes. Mix the flour and salt together  
in a medium-size bowl. After the 5 minutes is up, check on  
the yeast mixture. It should be bigger than before and a  
little bubbly. Add this mixture to the flour and salt mixture.  
Stir everything together. Use a spoon to start. Finish with  
your hands. The dough is ready when it's still a little  
crumbly and flaky. Put the dough on the cutting board and  
knead it like you are playing with clay. Knead it into one  
big ball. Break off a piece of dough that's about the size  
of a big gumball or superball. Use your hands to roll it  
into a skinny snake. Twist the snake into a medium-size  
pretzel shape, and put it on the cookie sheet. Do this with  
all the dough, making 12 pretzels. Bake for 10 minutes  
and allow to cool slightly before biting in.  

Yield: 1 dozen pretzels  



v v v v v



         The Top 10 Parental Euphemisms for a Full Diaper        


10> Download Complete; Please Reboot

9> Weapon of Ass Destruction

8> Loading up the Ballast Tanks

7> Picking up at Baggage Claim

6> Clean up in Aisle Number Two

5> Vacation in Poopi-opolis

4> I Dream of Diaper Genie

3> "Your Turn"

2> Eww, de Bebe!


    and the Number 1 Parental Euphemism for a Full Diaper...


1> Smells Like Your Mother's Cooking



v v v v v







What is "World Beat"?
http://worldmusic.about.com/od/worldmusic101/f/WhatsWorldBeat.htm
"World Beat" is a cutesy little term coined by record labels and music stores sometime
in the mid-'80s to describe world music. It pretty quickly evolved into a phrase that
describes those indescribable genres of world music that won't fit
comfortably into any other boxes.

Spice Girls Then...and Now
http://top40.about.com/od/s/tp/spicegirls.htm 
The Spice Girls were one of the world's most successful recording acts of the
late 1990's. Geri Halliwell left the group in 1998, but the remaining 4 did not 
officially break up until early 2001. Almost since the breakup was announced, 
reunion rumors have swirled. The group announced in the summer of 2007 that they
would reunite for a concert tour at the end of the  year.

The Rolling Stone Rock Quiz
http://download.rbn.com/rstone/rstone/download/photo/rock_quiz/rock_quiz_pop.html
Four decades of the trickiest, weirdest and off-the-wall trivia questions ever



v v v v v



"Here's some good news. Drug use among teenagers is down.  Teenagers
are saying "No" to drugs. Now if we can just get the teenagers to
say "No" to their teachers we'd be in great shape."



Jay Leno



v v v v v



The Mrs and I were watching some TV show the other night where the
wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if
he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked the Mrs if she would
ever do that.  She said, "Well not so much to find out who the
other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."



v v v v v



CREAMY CHICKEN & NOODLE CASSEROLE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 pound skinless boneless chicken breast halves  
1 1/2 cups (about) water  
2 large garlic cloves, minced  
1 bay leaf  
1/3 cup all purpose flour  
2 tablespoons cornstarch  
2 cups low-fat (1%) milk  
1 teaspoon dried tarragon  
1 teaspoon salt  
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg  
1/4 cup dry white wine  
1 10-ounce package frozen spinach, thawed, squeezed dry  
8 ounces spinach fettuccine  
8 ounces mushrooms, sliced  
1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil  
3/4 cup coarse breadcrumbs  
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine chicken, 1 cup water, garlic and bay leaf in large  
saucepan. Cover and simmer just until chicken is cooked  
through, turning once, about 15 minutes. Transfer chicken to  
plate; cool. Shred chicken. Pour cooking liquid into measuring  
cup, adding more water to measure 1 cup if necessary. Reserve  
cooking liquid. Whisk flour and cornstarch in heavy large  
saucepan. Add 1 cup milk; whisk until smooth. Stir in 1 cup  
milk, tarragon, salt, nutmeg and reserved 1 cup chicken cooking  
liquid. Stir over medium heat until mixture thickens and boils,  
about 5 minutes. Add wine; stir until mixture is very thick,  
about 2 minutes longer. Remove from heat. Stir in shredded  
chicken and spinach. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.  
Reheat over medium-low heat, stirring frequently, before  
continuing.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Oil 11 x 7 x 2-inch  
glass baking dish. Cook fettuccine in large pot of boiling  
salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain.  
Return to pot. Add mushrooms and chicken mixture; toss. Season  
with salt and pepper. Transfer to prepared baking dish. Heat  
oil in small nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add  
breadcrumbs; stir 1 minute. Sprinkle over casserole. Bake until  
casserole bubbles and breadcrumbs are golden, about 20 minutes.  
Let stand 10 minutes. Sprinkle with Parmesan and serve.  

Yield: 6 Servings  



v v v v v



Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior?



v v v v v






WorldStart :: Utilities :: General Utilities :: System Suite 7 Professional
http://store.worldstart.com/product.php?productid=3913
Get the only solution that offers complete PC maintenance, diagnostics, and protection!
VCOM SystemSuite 7 Professional is a comprehensive collection of essential PC
utilities designed to maintain and protect your PC to keep it running just like the
day you bought it. With VCOM SystemSuite 7Professional, you can improve system
  performance, protect your system against viruses and from hackers, diagnose
computer problems, recover lost data, protect against email spam, and much, much
more! This sounds fantastic - I'm going to check it out!

PC Tools – Customer Survey
http://www.pctools.com/survey/index/id/1/?ref=survey&utm_source=survey1
&utm_medium=email&utm_content=001&utm_campaign=survey01
These are some of the best software programs out there - check
out the awards they have received!



v v v v v



Thought for the Day: I'd walk a mile for one of your smiles and
even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.



v v v v v



MEN'S THOUGHTS DURING LOVE MAKING


Kissing/Light Petting: What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't
resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!" What he's afraid
you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"

Undressing: What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the
SIZE of that!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at
the size of that!"

Foreplay/Oral Sex: What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship
at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours." What he's
afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums,
I'm going to kill him."

Penetration: What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion,
you're splitting me in half!" What he's afraid you're thinking:
"Is it in yet?"

Your Orgasm: What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here),
yes!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award
for this performance." What he's even more afraid you're thinking:
"Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"

Postcoital Bliss: What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what
an earthquake feels like." What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe
I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only
dance club after all."



v v v v v



I hate my cousin Will, so I'm going to leave his name out of my
Last Thing-a-ma-Bob and Testament.



v v v v v






*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
The Connection
http://www.minibite.com/serious/connection.htm

*submitted by*
Granny B 132
KP1983
http://www.icq.com/img/friendship/static/card_16961_rs.swf



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.,com


A man in Alabama had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he
turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares
in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."



v v v v v



       The Top 9 Differences in OB/Gyn if Men Got Pregnant       


9> The choice of delivery/recovery rooms includes NFL, NBA,
    NASCAR, Bass World or Hooters.

8> Ultrasound monitors now come with HD plasma wide screens and
    5.1 surround sound.

7> Second trimester? Beer trimester!

6> Planned Parenthood is now a cabinet-level office.

5> Anesthesia choices include epidural, morphine, Jack Daniels
    and six pack.

4> Instead of worrying about the most month-to-month weight gain,
    it becomes a competition.

3> AMA pressures Congress to require that pre-natal vitamins be
    added to Doritos, Coke and Oreos.

2> Men have the option of C-sections finished with football or
    baseball stitching.


    and the Number 1 Difference in OB/Gyn if Men Got Pregnant...


1> Deliveries are guaranteed in 30 minutes or less, or the kid is free.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com





v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87


A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees
  a placement card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.  Interested he
goes to learn more -

"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy
behind the desk.

The Job Center man sorts through his files and replies - "Oh yes here it is:
The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the Doctor.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down
and carefully wash their genital area. You then apply shaving foam and gently
shave off all their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready
for the Doctor's examination. 

There's an annual salary of $45,000,
but you're  going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620
miles from here."

"Oh why, is that where the job's at?"

"No sir - that's where the end of the line is!"



v v v v v



A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you  
your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to  
this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card.  
"It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."  

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."  



v v v v v





The Power Supply
Erin
worldstart.com


So, tell me, has your computer ever made a noise that sounds like one of your fans
is dying? I'm sure you would know if it has, because it can be pretty loud and it usually just
  sounds awful! Well, either way, I'm willing to bet that your fan really isn't the culprit here.
Nope, it could be your power supply instead. If you have a noisy fan, you smell something
burning or you see smoke or flames shooting out the back of your computer, you may very
well have a problem with your power supply. And I assure you, that's a whole lot worse
than a dead fan if you don't catch it right away. Keep reading for more on this! 

There are many different things that could cause your power supply to go bad. For
instance, the fan that runs next to your power supply could get clogged up with dust and dirt
and start to run much slower or the fan's bearings could start to wear off. When those
things happen, your power supply is at risk of overheating and it will eventually fail. Or,
it could have nothing to do with your fan. Perhaps the power supply itself was faulty
from the get go and it only took a matter of time before it failed completely. 

Even more so, if you're having trouble with your computer shutting down and restarting
itself at random times, that could be another indicator that your power supply is going bad.
And since your motherboard, CPU, disk drives, etc. all work off of the power supply, it's not
a good idea to take a chance on it getting any better. If you do, you'll just have more
trouble down the road. Don't worry though, replacing a power supply is rather easy
to do and it's fairly cost friendly. So, if your computer is experiencing any of the symptoms
I mentioned above, you'll want to check into getting a new power supply. It's a
small price to pay for the safety of your computer! 



v v v v v



"Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama were really going at one  
another last night. During the argument, security guards  
had to be brought in, and you could hear Hillary Clinton  
screaming, 'Don't Tase me, bro!'"



David Letterman  



v v v v v



     The Top 9 Breakfasts You'd Serve to a One Night Stand    


9> Eggs, ovary-z

8> Pigs in blankets

7> Nut'n'Longterm

6> Eggs Benedict (affairs with marrieds only)

5> For Mr. Quick on the Draw: instant coffee and three-minute
    eggs

4> "Hit the" trail mix

3> For Miss Frigid: Dry toast, lox and frozen orange juice

2> Sir Loin & eggs


                  and the Number 1 The Breakfast                 
               You'd Serve to a One Night Stand...               


1> Let's Not Rehash-browns



v v v v v




Driving Stupid - AOL Autos
http://autos.aol.com/article/safety/v2/_a/driving-stupid/20071114163009990001
Is it just your imagination, or do many of your fellow motorists
lack even a rudimentary grasp of traffic laws?

Well, if a test administered by GMAC  Insurance is any indication, one in six people
cruising our highways and byways  -- roughly 36 million licensed drivers -- would flunk
their driver's test if  they had to take it today. Based on the 2007 GMAC Insurance
National Drivers  Test, the state with the most road-going dummies is New York,
while the most knowledgeable ones are in Idaho.

The following state rankings were released for the 2007 GMAC
Insurance National Drivers Test:
(at site)



v v v v v



      The Top 8 Signs Your Pet Is Hiding Something from You      


8> Suddenly his MySpace profile is set to private.

7> You get a contact high when changing the wood shavings in her cage.

6> Every time he goes to the vet, the cat leaves explicit
    instructions for the dog to destroy his Flash drive in case he
    doesn't make it back.

5> The moment you enter your living room, your hamster stops
    running in his wheel and starts to whistle nonchalantly.

4> Ever since the neighbor's yippy little dog stopped following
    you around, Mittens has taken to cleaning her own litter box.

3> The kitchen is sparkling clean when you get home and the
    garbage can is full of bloody rags.

2> When your retriever brings the morning paper, sections have
    already been cut out.


    and the Number 1 Sign Your Pet Is Hiding Something from You...


1> You hear the phone ringing but you can't seem to find any of
    the receivers.



v v v v v









v v v v v



Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try  
bear hunting.  

He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and  
shot it.  

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned  
around to see a big black bear.  

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was  
my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul  
you to death or we have sex."  

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter  
alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank.  

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered  
and vowed revenge.  

He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the  
black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another  
tap on his shoulder.  

This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.  

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was  
my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to  
death or we have "rough sex."  

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the  
grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had  
his way with Frank.  

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank  
fully recovered.  

Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska  
and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.  

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a  
tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar  
bear standing there.  

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you  
don't come here for the hunting, do you?"  



v v v v v






*submitted by*
sammy562@gmail.com
Welcome to Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley
http://marriageresourcecenter.org/

Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley (formerly Marriage Savers of Clark County)
was established in January, 2004 as a catalyst to create a Community Marriage Policy.
Having observed effective programs for families across the country, Bob Suver,
Director of Clark County Department of Job and Family Services, stimulated interest
in creating an  "upstream" marriage strengthening agency to reduce divorce rates,
teen pregnancy  rates and social risk indicators of broken families.



v v v v v



SLICE OF HEAVEN CAKE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
4 oz. white chocolate, shaved 1 tsp. vanilla  
1 tsp. water  
1/2 cup chocolate chips  
2 sticks butter, softened  
1/2 cup pecans, chopped  
1/2 tsp. salt  
1/2 cup coconut  
1 tsp. soda  
1 1/2 cups sugar  
6 chocolate caramels  
1 cup buttermilk  
2 T. creme de cacao  
2 eggs  
2 cups cake flour  
chocolate sprinkles  
* recipe for chocolate custard (see below)  
** recipe Frosting (see below)  

DIRECTIONS:  
Melt white chocolate in water over low heat. Cream butter and  
blend in chocolate. Sift flour with salt and soda. Add flour  
mixture, sugar and buttermilk to chocolate/butter mixture.  
Beat 2 minutes. Beat in eggs one at a time. Add vanilla. Fold  
in chocolate chips, pecans and coconut. Bake in 2 well-greased,  
floured 9-inch cake pans at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  
Cook recipe for Chocolate Custard (recipe follows). Add caramels  
to custard when custard becomes thick. Stir until caramels melt.  
Cool. When cake is cooled, drizzle creme de cacao on bottom layer.  
Sandwich with custard. Frost with frosting. Add chocolate sprinkles  
on top.  

* CHOCOLATE CUSTARD *  
1 1/2 T. sugar  
1 cup milk, scalded  
1/2 T. flour  
1/4 tsp. vanilla  
1 egg, slightly beaten  
1 oz. semi-sweet chocolate, melted and cooled.  

Combine sugar and flour. Beat into eggs. Beat chocolate into egg  
mixture. Add to scalded milk in double boiler and cook, stirring  
often until thickened. Add vanilla and cool completely.  

** FROSTING **  
1/2 cup powdered sugar  
1/2 pint whipping cream  
1 tsp. cocoa  
few drops of vanilla  

Sift together sugar and cocoa. Whip the cream until frothy.  
Gradually beat in sugar mixture. Add vanilla.  



v v v v v



           Attention recently turned to Barack Obama's           
          youthful drug use -- not least because Hillary         
          Clinton and her supporters kept mentioning it.         
          But among these children of the Sixties (or in         
            their sixties), he's scarcely the only one           
          with something uncomfortable in his past. What         
          else do they have rattling around back there?          


     The Top 8 Skeletons in Presidential Candidates' Closets     


8> John McCain: Secretly had turn down service at Hanoi Hilton.

7> Ron Paul: Once asked David Letterman to introduce him to Pope
    John Paul, just for grins.

6> John McCain: Eighty-five pork barrels found buried in his
    backyard.

5> John McCain: Insists that his wife refer to him as "Maverick"
    and Romney as "Iceman."

4> Barack Obama: Changed name from Barry O'Bannion in college so
    the girls would think he was all exotic and mysterious.

3> Hillary Clinton: Once wrote in her diary that she hated Jane
    Wagner for coming between her and Lily Tomlin.

2> Rudy Giuliani: Got plastered before a campaign speech last
    March, and wouldn't stop yammering about "199".


      and the Number 1 Skeleton in                  
               Presidential Candidates' Closets...               


1> Hillary Clinton: While Bill was getting Lewinskyed, Hill was
    getting Tripped.



v v v v v






Touring Scotland's Great Highlands
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-5
270.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
Scotland has no shortage of things to see, and most regions have
their own unique attractions. But among the best is the wild
terrain of the Highlands. Why not try to get all the way to the
top of Scotland (and the U.K., too, for that matter) and see some
of the wide-open spaces? More

CUSTOMIZING AN ITINERARY
Homeandabroad.com
http://www.homeandabroad.com/
Plan a trip to one of more than 90 destinations from start to finish. Along 
with all the basics (hotel, restaurant, and entertainment ideas), get tips on 
what to read before you go. Caveat: They tend to overpack
an average day with suggestions.



v v v v v



"A new study says that it actually takes men longer to shop on the
internet then it does for them to shop in an actual store. Well
of course! There's no naked women at the stores."



Jay Leno



v v v v v



I'm increasingly panicked by the rapidly dwindling number of
Christmas shopping days. Soon the wife will be home on a regular
basis, and I'll have to go back to porn surfing using the wi-fi
at Barnes and Noble.



v v v v v






Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml



v v v v v



WINTER SALAD W/ SMOKED HAM & POMEGRANATE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 medium red onion, sliced into thin rings rice vinegar  
3 heads Belgian endive  
1 small head each red leaf lettuce and curly endive  
3 ounces smoked ham, cut into thin sticks  
1 small Granny Smith apple, cored and thinly sliced  
1 glove garlic  
2 whole scallions  
1 generous tablespoon Dijon mustard  
extra-virgin olive oil to taste  
1 large pomegranate, seeded  

DIRECTIONS:  
Cover onion with rice vinegar. Soak 20 minutes. Wash,  
dry, and tear all but Belgian endive leaves into bite-  
sized pieces. Arrange greens on a large platter, with  
endive leaves here and there. Scatter with apple and ham.  
Drain vinegar into a blender, adding the garlic, scallions,  
and mustard. With blender running, add oil to taste. Season  
with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Tuck onions into  
greens. Just before serving, drizzle dressing over the salad  
and finish with pomegranate.  

Yield: 6-8 Servings  
Category: Salads  



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87


Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde   
says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"  

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"   



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v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



Judge asked prostitute, "So when did you realize you were raped?" 
Prostitute replied, wiping her tears, "When the check bounced." 



v v v v v



LAURA's SHRIMP DIP  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
8 oz cream cheese, softened  
1/2 cup mayonaise  
2 TBL cocktail sauce (or catsup can be substituted)  
1 tsp dijon mustard  
1 tsp prepared horseradish  
Juice of 1 lime (2 tsp of lemon juice can be substituted)  
1 tsp Hidden Valley Fiesta Ranch Dip dry mix  
salt, pepper to taste  
6-8 medium cooked shrimp, tails off  
1 sliced green onion/scallion  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine all ingredients except shripm and scallions in  
a blendor or food processor. Blend until smooth. Remove  
to a mixing bowl. Cut shrimp into medium sized pieces.  
Gently fold in shrimp to dip mixture. Top with diced  
scallion. Chill and serve with cocktail rye or  
crackers.  

Yield: About 2 cups  



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v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


Last summer, my husband took me camping for the first time.
At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.
One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. He tried the usual tactics to determine
direction -- moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day), etc., etc.

Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled
out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned, and led us right back to our
camp. "That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?"

"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country, all the TV satellite dishes point south."



v v v v v







Verbotomy! The creative word challenge
http://www.verbotomy.com/
Playing is pretty easy. They provide you with a definition and an image and 
from that, you just make up a word. Then you vote on the words that make the
most sense or that you find to be the funniest. You get two votes, but you can’t 
vote for your own, out of fairness! 
To submit entries to the  game, you will need to register. Just provide
a username, password and agree to  their terms of service. Then when your
confirmation e-mail comes, log in with  your confirmation code.
This took me about two minutes to do.

BugZu.com |  Collection of free Games | small games | flash games |
| Leaf Boarding | Arrow,  Down, Race, Jump, Spac
http://www.bugzu.com/content/view/325/33/
Looks fun - might try this one - might you?



v v v v v



*submittee by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



A man sitting in a movie theater notices that there is a big ole
grizzly bear sitting next to him. Finally he turns to the bear and says,

"Pardon me for asking, but  aren't you a bear?"

The bear nods; then the man says,

"So...  tell me, what are you doing at the movies?"

The bear replies. .  .

"Well, I liked the book."



v v v v v



           The Top 8 Ways Your Best Friend Informs You           
                    That Your Lover Is A Loser                   


8> "Have you ever considered that his claim of being 'deeply
    invested in his family's real estate ventures,' might be
    another way of saying 'living in his parents' basement?'"

7> Bringing up the fact that you met at the family reunion is a
    good start (void in Arkansas).

6> "Man, she sure looks a LOT like your Mom!"

5> So, has he told you just how much he makes as a professional
    Top 5 contributor?

4> "She'd probably be better in bed if you inflated her…"

3> When you ask for advice for shoes to match your wedding dress,
    she offers a pair of running shoes.

2> An A&E crew driving a truck marked "Intervention" pulls up to
    your house and people start asking where they can plug in
    their lights and cameras.


   and the Number 1 Way Your Best Friend              
            Informs You That Your Lover Is A Loser...            


1> "I know you think he has a sexy accent, but that's not Russian
    he's speaking. It's Klingon."



v v v v v





Bring your Cell Phones to the Game
SF49ers.com - USA
Fans can donate their cell phones and accompanying material threehours
before the game, up until kickoff. Donated phones will besold, refurbished or ...

"HP's New iPaq Phones Come Well Connected":
The iPaq 610 and iPaq 910 business-oriented smart phones support
voice, high-speed data, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, and GPS.
http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/137471/article.html?tk=nl_dgxrvw

"How to Buy a Mobile Phone":
Here's an overview of the technology now available, the product
options, and how well and far the devices can travel.
http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/135914/article.html?tk=nl_dgxhow



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com



Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like
calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
WaltWiso



MY NEXT LIFE

I want to live my next life backwards: 
You start out dead and get that out of the way. 
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. 
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. 
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. 
You work 40 years until you're too young to work. 
You get ready for High School : drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.  
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and
  you have no responsibilities.  
Then you become a baby, and then....

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
Spa-like  conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then....
You finish off as an orgasm.

I  rest my case.



v v v v v






Analysts Grade Vista's First Year: Did Not Meet Expectations
The operating system's one-year report card wouldn't make Microsoft proud, analysts said.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,139500/article.html?tk=nl_dnxnws

Well, I love it!



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



It was the first day of the school year and the shop teacher was surprised to
see a rather "princess-like" young  lady sitting in the front row of the classroom.
Her name was Debra and she was the only girl to sign up
for the woodworking shop class that term.

The shop teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right class, and
Debra assured him that she was. The teacher then said, "This course may be a bit
out of your  league. Do you have any experience
at all working with tools?"

"What exactly do you mean?" replied Debra.

"Well, what's the difference between a nail, a screw and
a bolt?",  the shop teacher asked.

Debra pondered the question for a moment, then replied, 
"Well, I can't rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't
never been 'bolted'."



v v v v v



             The U.S. Post Office is coming out with
         Ol' Blue Eyes stamps -- first class, of course.


                   The Top 14 Interesting Things
                 About the New Frank Sinatra Stamp


14> Hold the stamp up to the light and you see an image of Frank
    slapping Mia Farrow.

13> It had a few of the other stamps perforated.

12> Two cents from every stamp goes to the Gambino Family Legal
    Defense Fund.

11> Each one comes with a 2-cent Joey Bishop stamp.

10> The three previous Postmasters General all disappeared
    mysteriously after refusing to produce a Sinatra stamp.

9> It claims to know nothing about what happened to the
    Marilyn Monroe stamp.

8> Smells like Jack Daniel's and Lucky Strikes -- but *tastes*
    like Ava Gardner.

7> Great, now Joe Piscopo's gonna want a stamp, too.

6> It's the first reusable stamp, 'cause nobody cancels Sinatra, baby!

5> Yes, it costs 41 cents -- but I know a guy....

4> The public voted for the "Handsome Hollywood Legend Sinatra"
    stamp over the "Toupee-Wearing Mob-Thug Geezer Sinatra" stamp.

3> So potent, women who lick it immediately become pregnant.

2> If you can't find any Sinatra stamps, you can still mail
    your letter with a combination of two Dean Martins, a
    Steve Lawrence and an Edie Gorme.


          and Topfive.com's Number 1 Interesting
            Thing About the New Frank Sinatra Stamp...


1> Available only in peel and stick. Go ahead, just *try*
    to touch your tongue to Frank's backside, punk!



v v v v v








v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because
I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time, so
I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand in starting the car.
I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW
  had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it
to start. She said fine, hopped into her car, and drove off.

I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by,
and when I saw her in the rear view mirror coming at me at about 40 MPH,
I realized that I should have been a bit more clear with my directions!



v v v v v



Automation is a technological process that does all the work while you just sit there.
When you were younger this was called  "Mother."



v v v v v






I was shocked when my good friend confided to me
that he had a severe drinking problem. And it's
the worst thing imaginable: He's allergic to beer.
(Sebastian Pivnicka)



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87


A midget gets married to a regular sized girl and they go on their honeymoon.

When the midget gets back home, a friend asks him how was  his
honeymoon. He said, "It was OK but I was a little disappointed." His 
friend asks him why he was disappointed.

He replies, "Well, when we  were nose to nose, my toes were in it.
When we were toes to toes, my nose  was in it. And when I was in it,
there was no one to talk  to."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com



Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting
speeding enforcement on I-15, North of MCAS Miramar. One of
the officers was using a hand held radar device to check
speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun
began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to
reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that
the radar had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which
was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

Back came a reply in true USMC style:

Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that
the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto your hostile radar
equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully
armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet
recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override
the automated defense system before the missile was launched
and your hostile radar was destroyed.

Thank you for your concerns.



v v v v v






worldstart.com


Display the Current Local Time Anywhere


If you're interested in what time it is in different cities around the world, this is the
  perfect search tool for you. With this feature, you can find the local time for
any major city anywhere around the world. To do this, go to Google's Web site 
(http://www.google.com/) ) and in the search box,
type "time in city name." For example, if you wanted to get the time for Madrid, 
Spain, you would type in "Time in Madrid." I just did it and right now, as I 
write this, it is 3:48 p.m. Now, what's even better is that it will give you the
time for any other cities around the world by that name as well. For my search,
I found out there is a Madrid, Iowa and it is 9:48 a.m. there right now. How cool is that?! 

2.) Currency Converter - The next "hidden feature" allows you to use the built in 
currency converter to look up the current exchange rates for any city in the
world. For example, let's say you wanted to find the exchange rate for a U.S.
  dollar to a British pound. To do that, just type in something like "5.99 usd in 
gbp." By doing that, you'll learn that $5.99 in U.S. dollars is 2.89022919 
British pounds. (Note: You'll want to leave the dollar sign ($) 
out or you won't get the results you're looking for). Now, if you don't know the 
abbreviations for all the currencies, you can type something like "Currency of 
France in American Money" instead. That search will show you that 1 Euro equals
  1.4448 U.S. dollars. Awesome!

3.) Find Documents  of the Specified Type - With Google, you can search for up to 12
different file formats right from your Web browser. Wow! Those formats include 
MS Office, PDFs, Lotus files and so on. If you want to search for a specific 
one, just type "filetype:[extension]" into the search box. For example, if you 
wanted to find an MS Word document on a certain dog breed, you would just type
in the dog breed, followed by "filetype:doc." You can do that for any subject
  and for any file type. Oh yeah!



v v v v v



*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS


Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says, "I think I'm
going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You
better think it over - women like that are hard to find."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com



A Marine sniper was real good at his job.This sniper had a method. He
would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply,
Bang! One less insurgent!   After every mission the company commander would
ask 'How many insurgents have you shot today?'

  However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he
reported 'Five killed and I let one go.'

'Let one go?' roared the company commander. 'What do you mean, you let one go?'

'Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and
yelled 'Hillary is a Bitch!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!'



v v v v v





MailFreezr.com - freeze email messages for up to 100 years [beta :)
http://www.mailfreezr.com/

Have you ever contributed to a time capsule? I did when I was in elementary school.
Everyone in the class placed something in the capsule. At the end of the
school year, the capsule was opened. So it wasn’t sealed for long. But it was
  fun to open it, nonetheless.
Now you can do the same with e-mail. Simply enter your e-mail into the form
on MailFreezr’s site. Then select how many years you’d like to freeze the
message. When the time is up, MailFreezr will deliver the message to the  recipient.
The site’s creator has promised to maintain the site. And the process is
automated. Hopefully, e-mail will still be around!
MailFreezr promises that your messages will remain secure and confidential.
kkomando.com



v v v v v



CHEESE/BEER COCKTAIL WEENIE BUNDLES  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 package cocktail wieners  
2 cups biscuit mix  
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese  
2/3 cup beer  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine biscuit mix with cheese and beer. (Dough will be sticky.)  
Turn out on floured surface and knead 2-3 minutes. Roll into  
a square 1/2 inch thick. Cut into squares. Wrap dough around  
uncooked cocktail wieners. Bake 400 for about 10 minutes.  
Serve with Mustard Sauce below.  

*** MUSTARD SAUCE ***  
2 tablespoons sugar  
1 tablespoon dry mustard  
2 tablespoons cornstarch  
1/2 tablespoons garlic powder  
12 ounces beer  
1 tablespoon vinegar  

Combine first four ingredients in saucepan. Stir in beer and  
vinegar. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until  
thick and bubbly.  



v v v v v



The Top 17 Movies About Online Sex


17> Charlotte's Webcam

16> Type Dirty to Me

15> Juno What I'm Doing Right Now?

14> Google Nights

13> Greased

12> The Bourne Loser

11> One Hand Luke

10> The Guy Pretending to Be a Postman Always Pings Twice

9> My Left Hand

8> National Pleasure: Bookmark of Secretions

7> Edward Typeswithonehand

6> Lady Chatroom's Lover

5> Dude, Where's My Dignity?

4> Flies Wide Open

3> Dr. Selflove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love
    the Palm

2> The Hand That Rocks the Joystick


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Movie About Online Sex...


1> Earthlink Girls Are Easy



v v v v v






*submitted by*
BillieJo50
50,000
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7/TNOTW.htm
Names - carved in the Wall

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?video_id=ervaMPt4Ha0&rel=1&eurl=&iurl=http
://img.youtube.com/vi/ervaMPt4Ha0/default.jpg&t=OEgsTo
PDskKFikDUUMMFtoE1uiU-gDv4&autoplay=1



v v v v v



SANTA FE STYLE CHICKEN AND PASTA  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 16-ounce package Rotini pasta, uncooked  
4-5 quarts water  
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese  
1/2 cup cooked yellow corn kernels  
1/3 cup chopped cilantro  
1/4 cup chopped green onion  
2 tablespoons diced red bell pepper  
2 tablespoons diced green bell pepper  
1 chicken breast fillet, cooked and diced  

Dressing:  
1 1/4 cups V-8 juice  
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil  
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar  
1 1/2 teaspoons chili powder  
3/4 teaspoon paprika  
1/2 teaspoon salt  
1/4 teaspoon black pepper  

DIRECTIONS:  
Prepare the pasta by bringing 4-5 quarts of water to a rolling  
boil in a large saucepan. Add pasta to the pan, and when water  
begins to boil again, cook for 8-11 minutes. Pasta should be  
al dente, or mostly tender but with a slight toughness in the  
middle. Whisk all of the dressing ingredients together in a  
small bowl. Cover and chill the dressing until you're ready to  
use it. When pasta is done, pour it into a large bowl. Add the  
dressing, then toss. Add the remaining ingredients to the  
pasta, and toss until combined. Cover and chill for several  
hours before serving.  

Yield: 8 Servings  




v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


The fist knocking on the door belonged to a cop. Bracing for the worst, the yard 
foreman opened the door. "Is that yours?" asked the officer, pointing to a 
company van that was jutting out into the narrow street.

"Uhh, yes it  is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."

"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer. "We've set up a speed trap,
and the van's causing everyone to slow down."



v v v v v






Wonder if UPS delivered this????
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1726.html

Can I help you jack?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1727.html

Surprise!  Surprised?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1728.html

He's got problems....
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1729.html

A stamp we all need!!!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1730.html

For All Guys Who Don't Shut It...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/054.htm

It isn't always a nickname for Richard
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1596.html

I couldn't have done it better myself
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1597.html

I WAS going to complain about the noise but.....
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1598.html

That's close enough....
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1599.html

You don't talk much... I like that in a man!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1600.html


X T R E M E  Naughty Links


Amateur Screw
http://www.curlydavid.com/amsc184.html

Light  My Fire
http://www.curlydavid.com/lmf12.html

Cum  On Me
http://www.curlydavid.com/com12.html

Curly  Fan
http://www.curlydavid.com/cfan281.html

Amateur Screw
http://www.curlydavid.com/amsc185.html



v v v v v



  Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
  to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
  systems and other variables beyond our control



v v v v v



  Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
  here next week, same time - same place

  but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
  never,
  ever,
  EVER
  forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind



v v v v v

  ©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

v v v v v

**************
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