Editor:  DebsSweet
  Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
   CrispySue, kittykab
  Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
  Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet







YES YES YES!


I have a new webmaster/programmer and am very excited.  Just hoping the
transition to a new server etc is smooth!  Please bear with us.

There is no way
I could thank Mike for all he has done for me over the last few years.
Trust me, this man is an angel and has done sooo much for me with this newsletter.

THANK YOU SWEET, WONDERFUL MIKE!

On to the reasons you are here:

SO many horror stories from the DMV - I bet you have one too!  There is a link
to this site in the SURFIN area below

  Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH (except the Xtra Naughty) links submitted to you and they
are in working order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
  anti-virus and adware removal software!

  If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
  and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
  to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.

  Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

  and don't  forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 










"Thank you for this site, not for the fraud alert, but for the resources link.  It made me
aware of things available to make my life more [productive and meaningful that I
only dreamed about before.  I am wheelchair bound and mobility challenged due
to the long term effects of diabetes and live alone"
Win Davis"
Wdavisga



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Sign on the outskirts of a small town: "Our speed limit is twenty-five
with a fine of three dollars per mile for faster driving.

Pick out a speed you can afford."



v v v v v



The most expensive vehicle to operate per mile 
is a supermarket shopping cart.



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Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml



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*submitted by*
KP1983



Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8 - 6:00 PM . It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the
wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge
soft flakes drift down from heaven.  It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the
Whole World? Moving here was the best idea  I've ever had. Shoveled for the first
time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My
neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful!  Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob
is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came
back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this muchshoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this 
way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15 - 20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16 - Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, Which I think was very cruel. 

December 17 - Still way below freezing. Ro ads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity
was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do 
but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room. 

December 20 -  Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to
find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow 
blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas beca use 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and  it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took
me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the
time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.  Tried to hire
Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says
he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23 - Only 2" of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me
to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she
tell me to do that a month ago?  She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that
snow plow I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with
my broken shovel.  I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish 
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws
snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with her and open our presents, but I was too busy 
watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25 - Merry f'ing Christmas!  20 more inches of the goddamn slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of  shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think shes a fricking idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wondeful Life" one more time, I'm going
to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 - Still snowed in. Why  the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28 - Warmed up to above -20.  Still snowed in.
THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob  says I have to shovel the roof or it could
cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me
for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted. 

December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. 

January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? 



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AWESOME ENGLISH TOFFEE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 pound of butter  
1/2 cup water  
2 cups sugar  
1 teaspoon salt  
16 ounces MILK chocolate chips  

* candy thermometer  

DIRECTIONS:  
Bring first 4 ingredients to a boil over high heat in a  
2-quart saucepan (nonstick works best) and stir constantly  
until temperature on candy thermometer reaches 300 degrees  
(approx 10-13 minutes). Pour into an ungreased 10x13 inch  
baking sheet and spread evenly to coat. Will begin hardening  
immediately so move quickly. Sprinkle milk chocolate chips  
evenly over hot toffee and wait 1 minute till they begin to  
melt. Spread softened chocolate evenly over entire pan (like  
frosting) and chill for 2 hours. Slam pan once on counter  
to crack and break apart into about 2-inch or smaller pieces.  
Store chilled in a sealed plastic bag or container and let  
get to room temperature before serving.  

Makes 1 10x13 pan (* can also be cut in 1/2 but use smaller pan)  
Category: Sweets, Holiday  



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http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/4Fao
The Windows Ultimate team said they would release Windows DreamScene and
the remaining language packs as Windows Ultimate Extras by the end of summer
after increasing pressure to deliver Extras to customers who bought the
costly Windows Vista Ultimate edition. Today, they released Windows DreamScene,
the animated wallpaper Extra they had previously released a beta version of.
According to the Windows Ultimate team, the remaining language packs
are still unavailable, however. Read more.


Windows Ultimate Extras
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/4Fap
Windows Ultimate Extras are free add-ons developed by Microsoft and available
only to users of Windows Vista Ultimate. Extras are delivered via Windows
Update, but few of the promised Extras are yet available.



v v v v v



          The Top 7 Celebrities We Want to Sue and Why        


7> George Clooney, Brad Pitt et al.:  Preemptive lawsuit to
    prevent any plans for "Oceans 14".

6> Woody Allen:  For ceasing to be funny around about 1988.

5> Jane Fonda's agent:  Her only two movies this decade were
    "Monster-in-Law" and "Georgia Rule". The prosecution rests.

4> David O. Selznick:  Despite my extensive study of "Gone With
    the Wind," the state of Georgia refuses to license me as a midwife.

3> Sean Connery:  For refusing to make another movie after the
    big-screen assault known as "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen".

2> Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers:  To get
    residuals for the clips I post to YouTube.


    and the Number 1 Celebrity We Want to Sue and Why...


1> Joel Schumacher:  For "Batman & Robin". (We will hound you
    until the end of your days, Schumacher!)



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v v v v v



For the best sleep position, lie on your side with your thighs  
drawn up toward your chest and a pillow between your legs. If  
your sleep on your back, support your knees and neck with  
pillows. And sleep on your stomach only if a small pillow  
cushions your lower abdomen.  
  Mayo Clinic  


Revision: If you are female and sleep on your stomach, then  
be sure to put your ass up in the air to make access for your  
husband easier.  



v v v v v



The Top 14 Signs You're a Blue Stater Living in a Red State


14> Neighbors are mad because your Christmas lights spell "Get
    out of Iraq!"

13> The locals can't figure out how that Bichon Frise riding in
    your Volvo can be worth half a damn for hunting.

12> Yes, you get Guns & Ammo, but you're careful to recycle every
    issue when you're through with it.

11> At the local diner, the fry cook leaves the kitchen to see
    who actually ordered the vegetable plate.

10> "Son, 'round these parts 'recycling' means riding your Harley
    home from work!"

9> You're known as the blueneck.

8> Everyone in town knows you simply as "Miss Japanese Car."

7> Odds are stacked against you in your attempt to cast a
    *secret* ballot.

6> Your doctor tells you you're pregnant and when you ask what
    your alternatives are, he says, "Well, it will either be
    a girl or a boy."

5> You're the only person in the Creation Museum laughing his
    ass off.

4> You have to drive 750 miles to get your Volvo serviced.

3> "Would you prefer Smoking or Shut-the Hell-Up-and-Go-Home-
    to-Eat?"

2> The only Brie you can find is an 18-year-old hooker.


                 and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
          You're a Blue Stater Living in a Red State...


1> Your simple question at the gas station was met with
    a sarcastic "Right over yonder next to the bio-regular,
    bio-supreme and bio-squeegee."



v v v v v







Virgin Megastore launches hi-tech backpack integrating cell phone ...
Al-Bawaba - Amman,Jordan
The pack allows wearers, to operate cell phones and iPods from itsstraps,
making a rummage to locate personal gadgetry a thing of the past....

Agency Disputes Cell Phone Numbers Will Be Sold To Marketers
AHN - USA
FTC spokesman Mitchell Katz told the AP no deadline exists, cellphone numbers
won't be sold to telemarketers nor are marketerslikely to call cell phones, ...


Portable phones inventors didn't foresee its popularity
Chicago Tribune - United States
In the end, Motorola got much of what it sought from policymakers, and, forbetter or
worse, the world got cell phones. COMPRESSED MEMORIES: To the great ...



v v v v v



*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com



One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop
and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the
display window?'

The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean,
Sir.. We have - Workout Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95,
Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for
$19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and
Divorced Barbie for $265.95.'

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie
$265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir,
Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's
furniture, Ken's computer, and one of Ken's friends.



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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87


Two blonde guys were in the woods, hunting. One looked at the other and
said, "I've got to take a crap."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe with."

The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar.That's a great idea--I'll
use that!"

He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His
friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3
quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"



v v v v v







Cheap Flights, Airline Tickets, Cheap Airfare & Discount Travel Deals - Kayak.com
http://www.kayak.com/
This two-year-old aggregator scours 159,000 hotels worldwide, and about 10
percent of the places that it turns up have been suggested by real people, so
the picks are well-rounded. (Hotels.com only lists 70,000 properties.) New 
features allow you to sort the listings by location (using Google maps) and
view  photographs.

NYC Restaurants, NYC menus, ratings, reviews, New York City Restaurants Guide
http://www.menupages.com/
With approximately 25,000 restaurants across eight cities, MenuPages makes it
easy to plan meals by type of food, neighborhood, price or random craving
(bialys in Philly?). Caveat: Menus may be a bit stale; 3,000 to 5,000 are
  updated per month. And, unlike at OpenTable, you can't book tables online.

Welcome to SeatGuru! Your Guide to Airplane Seats and In-flight Amenities
http://www.seatguru.com/
Preview seat maps including where to find the power outlets as well as that
  extra inch of legroom for 73 models of aircraft on 39 different airlines. Like
most airlines these days, the site is no-frills, but you'll never get stuck next
to the bathroom again.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
lg1@tampabay.rr.com

Newfoundlanders had heard stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that Len's father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.
On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when Len's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal
Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
Len stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!
Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Len went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake
like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Len's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father,
grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were
born in July."



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Rain is caused by high pressure areas, cold fronts, warm moist air, a newly washed car,
and the first day of your vacation.



v v v v v





Heroes of Hellas
http://www.gamehouse.com/gamedetails/?game=heroeshell&navpage=downloadgames&utm_source=gamehouse-house&utm_medium=email&utm_content=2007-11-15_link5&utm_campaign=newsletter_2007-11-15
Recover the stolen scepter of Zeus in this heroic matching game! Travel across
Ancient Greece and swap objects to create matching groups of three or more. As you
progress, legendary heroes of the ancient world, including Hercules, Perseus, and more
appear to lend a helping hand in your quest to return the powerful scepter to the
mighty Zeus. Featuring loads of challenging levels, nine exciting myths to reveal,
and stunning desktop wallpaper to unlock, Heroes of Hellas is
a legendary journey to puzzle glory.

Hidden Relics ~ Windows Fanatics
http://www.lockergnome.com/windows/2007/11/15/hidden-relics/
Priceless antiques have been stolen and hidden throughout Europe. The Professor
calls upon her star student Adrianna to help her retrieve the stolen antiques. 
You will help Adrianna evade the evil thief as she travels Europe in search of the antiques.
Mr. Gadget is also there to assist you. Solve his puzzles and he will give you cool
gadgets like x-ray goggles, a diamond detector and more



v v v v v



The Top 14 Signs You're a Red Stater Living in a Blue State


14> When the Starbucks barista asks how many shots you want, you
    reflexively check to see how many are left in your clip.

13> You're the only male at the Bush rally and those nice ladies
    in the flannel shirts have yet to mention Dubya.

12> You firmly believe that every child has a chance to grow up
    to be president -- of the NRA.

11> "Wait a second. We get a holiday for the King feller, but
    not Jeff Davis?"

10> You're the only guy at the pride Parade who showed up in an
    Uncle Sam costume. Well, the only one with pants.

9> You did find your favorite brand of hollow points at the gun
    show, but you had to bring your own hemp bag to carry them
    home in.

8> "Not that we don't appreciate your, um, help, Lester, it's
    just that the whole 'God hates fags' thing is a bit much for
    Sunday School lessons at the pre-school level."

7> Instead of admiring your banjo playing, passersby keep
    politely slipping you dentist referrals.

6> The nightly quest for evidence of subversive activities in
    the neighborhood trash cans takes on whole new dimensions
    when you have to include recycle bins and compost piles in
    the search.

5> You told the sweaty, leather-clad, mustachioed fellow at the
    bar that you'd show him your hog out back if he showed you his.

4> Your neighbors' kids: Britney, Lindsay and Justin.
    Your kids: Reagan, Nixon and Taft-Hartley.

3> You are stunned to learn your neighbors' are picketing the
    egg farm because of animal-cruelty issues rather than your
    anti-chicken-abortion platform.

2> You collect all the neighborhood stray cats and dogs to start
    your own "Camp Gitmo."


                 and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
          You're a Red Stater Living in a Blue State...


1> The Santa in your yard looks suspiciously like Rush Limbaugh.



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Site Specific Search


This feature works perfectly when you want to search through a Web site that
doesn't have a search engine included. To do this, you just need to type in a subject,
followed by the Web site's URL. For example, you could type in "puggle:puppyfind.com."
You can do that for whatever topic you're interested in and for any
site you like to visit on a regular basis!



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GREEN BEANS ALMONDINE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
2 pounds fresh green beans, washed and trimmed  
1/2 cup slivered blanched almonds  
4 tablespoons butter  
2 teaspoons lemon juice  

DIRECTIONS:  
Remove both ends of beans, break in half, and wash thoroughly.  
Place in a large pot and add water 3 to 4 inches from the top.  
Cook until tender (do not overcook). Remove beans and place in  
a large bowl. Cook almonds in the butter over low heat until  
golden, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat, add salt  
and lemon juice. Pour over the hot beans and serve.  

Yield: 6-8 Servings  



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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



Thought for the day: 

Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a
drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist" 



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LAURA'S BUTTERMILK CHICKEN THIGHS  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
2 cups buttermilk  
4-6 boneless, skinless chicken thighs  

1 cup flour for dredging  
1 tbl cajun or Emeril seasoning  
2 tsp kosher salt  
2 tsp fresh ground pepper  

Juice of 1/2 lemon  
Olive oil  
Butter  

DIRECTIONS:  
Marinate chicken in buttermilk (place in a 1 gallon  
ziplock) over night or 4-6 hours. Place flour in bowl  
deep enough for dredging. Add all seasonings to the  
flour and mix thoroughly. Heat large saute pan, warm  
up oil and butter. Dredge each piece of chicken and  
place in hot saute pan. Saute each side approximately  
5 minutes or until the crust is nice and brown. After  
flipping the chicken over, drizzle the juice of 1/2 a  
lemon over the chicken. After cooking the second side  
until brown, Place the saute pan in a 350 oven for 20  
minutes.  

NOTE:  I use chicken thighs because they keep their  
moisture, however, you can also use breasts. This recipe  
can also certainly be made with boned chicken. You can  
also add any seasoning you would like to the flour.  
Other options could be thyme, oregano, garlic powder,  
cayenne, cumin.  Be liberal in the seasons and make  
sure to add the salt.  

Yield: 4 Servings  



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They say God is neither black nor white, male nor female and
loves all children....

Does that mean Michael Jackson is God?



v v v v v

Home of SweepstakesToday.com with Exceptional Sweeps just for you!
http://www.sweepstakestoday.com/
Mr.Sweepy and the staff of Sweepstakes Today welcome you to our website. We 
give you the opportunity to win wonderful prizes that are offered by respected,
well known companies. It is our goal to put a smile on your face and help you
win some great prizes. It all begins with the click of a mouse and a dream of winning.
Before you can start to enter the sweepstakes and win great prizes, you will
need to register as a member. This is FREE and comes with some great benefits
like My Lucky List and Mr. Sweepy's Forumswhere you can get
help and interact with other members.

EasySponsorship.com /  Sponsorship made easy!
http://www.easysponsorship.com/
EasySponsorship is the easiest and only way for you collect sponsorship money 
online!  If you've ever collected  sponsorship money before then you'll know how messy
and confusing it can get.  EasySponsorship removes the mess and confusion
and in a few clicks you can have  a dedicated web page online and ready
to collect money from anyone and  everyone!
All of your content and donations are stored in your personal  password-protected
account where you can create sponsorship pages, review your  donations and post updates
on your pages for your friends and family to follow;  as well as the ability to
send them emails telling them about it  all!

SmartMoney - AOL Money & Finance - 10 Things the DMV Won't Tell You
http://money.aol.com/smoney/general/canvas3/_a/10-things-the-dmv-wont-tell-you/20071029114909990001
It seems like everyone's got a DMV horror story. For Mike Hume, a sports journalist,
it came after a move from Connecticut to Virginia, when he headed to the DMV to transfer
his out-of-state license. It took four visits and roughly three hours of standing in line to
get it. The problem? Everything from not bringing enough or the right forms of ID to
having his records confused with those of another driver of the same name. 
SO many horror stories - this one continued at the site.  I bet you have one too!

Cards That Give: The Source For Charity Greeting Cards
http://www.cardsthatgive.org/
Welcome to CardsThatGive.org, the non-profit site that makes it simple to select greeting cards sold by charities. 
Americans purchase nearly 7 billion greeting cards each year, generating nearly $7.5 billion
in retail sales.* If it were easy for families to  buy their greeting cards from non-profit
organizations, card sales could  generate millions of dollars for worthy causes. 
That is the premise behind CardsThatGive.org. 
CardsThatGive.org directs you to dozens of effective  non-profit organizations
that sell greeting cards to help fund their charitable work.

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
RefundCents - Coupons, Refunds, Codes, Bargains, On-Line Shopping
http://www.refundcents.com/
Tons of information here -- find a bargain!

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
National Do Not Call Registry
https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT
THE NATIONAL DO NOT CALL REGISTRY 
The National Do Not Call Registry gives you a choice about whether to
receive telemarketing calls at home. Most telemarketers should not call your
number once it has  been on the registry for 31 days. If they do, you can file a
complaint at this Website. You can register your home or mobile phone for free.

2. Find Unique Gift Ideas and Creative Gifts - FindGift.com
http://www.findgift.com/
Follow the gift wizard for great gift ideas!



v v v v v


*submitted by*
Martinavich


Kids are Quick 


TEACHER:       Maria, go to the map and find North America . 

MARIA:   Here  it is.  

TEACHER:      Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS:             Maria.


**


TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN:           You told me to do it without using tables.


**


TEACHER:    Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN:          K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER:        No, that's wrong

GLENN:              Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


**


TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD:         H I J K L M N O.   

TEACHER:       What are you talking about?

DONALD:  Yesterday you said it's H to O. 


**


TEACHER:      Winnie, name one important thing we
have today that we didn't have ten years ago.  

WINNIE:             Me! 



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Click here: Dummies::Giving Spyware the Boot
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-3711.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
  Not even James Bond could bring any glamour to the nastiness of spyware,
which is a software program that installs itself (without your knowledge) on your
computer. After it's installed, the software collects information about you, and when
you're online it sends the information to the spyware program's owner.
Most spyware fits into either of two categories:
  Surveillance spyware
  Advertising spyware



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           The Top 7 Gifts on a Pathologist’s Wish List          


7> Infect Me Elmo.

6> To have a really infectious, debilitating, high-casualty
    disease named after me!

5> Anything from Mr. Bacterium's Wonder Emporium.

4> An iPhungus.

3> The new CSI game for my XBOX 360, so I can actually solve something.

2> The usual -- peace on Earth, goodwill towards men, increased
    grants, that sort of stuff.


    and the Number 1 Gift on a Pathologist’s Wish List...


1> Switch with a proctologist, just for one day.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87






v v v v v



In a survey in Modern Maturity magazine, men over seventy-
five said they had sex once a week. Which proves that old
guys lie about sex too.



v v v v v



Two men were on a rooftop in Missouri during a flood.

One of them noticed a hat going back and forth on top
of the water in a regular pattern. He said to his buddy,
"What in the world is that?"

His buddy replied, 
"Oh, that's just Grandpa, he said come hell or high
water he was going to mow the lawn today."



v v v v v




Cherry Back
This goes down quite smooth, with quick results.
Originated at a Oregon ski resort. Ski instructors had to be
"victims" for the ski patrol to practice a chair evacuation.
After that, you need a strong drink!
1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
3  oz Coca-Cola® Cherry Coke
Fill cocktail class with ice, add 151,
top with Cherry Coke. Stir.


Siddharta
Named after the Slovenian rock group Siddharta.
When mixed correctly, it shows the colours of the slovenian flag.
3 cl white rum
2 cl Blue Curacao liqueur
2 cl grenadine syrup
15  cl lemon Hooper's® Hooch
Serve in a long drink glass, decorate with a slice
  of pineapple, a cherry, some lime and mint. Add ice.



v v v v v



A man gets sent to prison and, as soon as he walks in, his 
huge, buff cellmate says to him, "We're gonna play house. Do
you want  to be the mommy or the daddy?"

After thinking about it for a minute, the man slowly answers,
"Well, if I have to choose, I guess I'll be the  daddy."

"OK," his cellmate says, "then get over here and suck mommy's dick."



v v v v v



Interesting 'A'  words


ABSENTEE
A missing golfing accessory.

ABUNDANCE
A local hop usually staged in the barn.

ACME
Pimples on the face running towards the top.

ADAMANT
The very first insect.

ADORN
What comes after the darkest hour. 

ADVERTISEMENT
Something that makes you think you've longed for
it for years, but never heard of it before.

ALIMONY
A mistake by two people paid for by one. 

ALPHABET
Not quite the complete wager.

ANTI-FREEZE 
When you don't talk to your uncle's wife. 

APEX
The female of the gorilla species. 

AROMATIC
An automatic longbow.

ARTFUL
A painting exhibition.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY
The car's logbook.

AUTOMATIC SHIFT
When the driver moves closer to his girlfriend.

AVAIL
Helpful for ugly women.

AWESTRUCK
Being hit with a paddle.



v v v v v





The Year of Magical Thinking
by Joan Didion


"Didion's journalistic skills are displayed as never before  in this story of a year in
her life that began with her daughter in a medically  induced coma and her husband
unexpectedly dead due to a heart attack. This  powerful and moving work is
Didion's "attempt to make sense of the weeks and  then months that cut loose any
fixed idea I ever had about death, about illness  . . . about marriage and children
and memory . . . about the shallowness of  sanity, about life itself." With vulnerability
and passion, Joan Didion explores  an intensely personal yet universal experience
of love and loss. THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING will speak directly
to anyone who has ever loved a husband, wife, or child"

This is an amazing account of the immense grief of a widow  --- however much she rambled
at times, it was powerful and emotional.  If you are having trouble 'letting go', I highly
recommend this book



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87


A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child
and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him
behind a tree and wrote a note: "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but
I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak
tree in the park at 7AM." Signed, "The Blonde."

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag
behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was
the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe
that one blonde would do this to another."



v v v v v





All of the following recipes
*submitted by*
BODRUMS57
Biscotti
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0348.html

Blueberry Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0120.html

Boiled Chocolate Oatmeal Drop Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0047.html

Bronwnies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec1378.html

Brown Sugar Shortbread
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0845.html

Brownie Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0735.html)



v v v v v



      The Top 9 Worst Kid Excuses Ever for a Bad Report Card     


9> I'm allergic to my History textbook.

8> After all, it was *you* who helped me with all that homework.

7> My spell checker on my cell phone said I spelled everything right.

6> I was planning on joining the Army anyway.

5> I copied from the wrong kid.

4> You expect me to be able to watch TV, play a video game, IM my
    friends, eat snacks, *and* study at the same time?

3> No! You're reading it wrong! F actually stands for "Fantastic."

2> Ever since I set her desk on fire, the teacher has had it in for me.


                and the Number 1 Worst Kid Excuse               
                  Ever for a Bad Report Card...                  


1> The dog didn't eat my homework.



v v v v v









v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com


  Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of
money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

  Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."
  He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one
large sausage.*

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness
andnd two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be
In?  We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage
through My zipper and you go on your knees
and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more
Of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel?  I lost the sausage in the third pub"



v v v v v




Apple Macintosh Freeware - Free Application Launchers and Desktop Search  Tools
http://macs.about.com/od/softwareandutilities/a/free_launchers.htm?nl=1
Application launchers and desktop search tools provide quick access to the
applications, folders and files you need.
Although there are many application launchers and desktop search tools
  available for purchase, these free applications will likely provide everything  you need.

Macworld | The 23rd Annual Editors' Choice Awards
http://www.macworld.com/article/131153/2007/12/eddyawards2007.html?lsrc=mwweek
Every year brings a parade of products into the Macworld  offices—hardware and software,
flagship products and obscure gems, programs  produced by giant companies and
software coded by one person working out of an  apartment. And there are
usually one or two surprises from Apple as well. 
It’s quite an impressive array of products—but a few in particular always 
stand out from the crowd. It’s these products that meet our high standards for 
quality, innovation, or value—and in some cases, all three. Because of that, 
they win some well-deserved time in the spotlight as winners of our annual Editors’ Choice
Awards. Some familiar faces make up our 23rd annual collection of Eddy winners, which 
recognize our favorite products to hit the market between November 1, 2006, and
November 1, 2007. You’ll also find a few products that you might not have heard 
of before this year but that nevertheless have earned the right to walk 
alongside some of the bigger names. And, in a year which saw Apple head off in 
new directions, some of our Editors’ Choice nods go to worthy winners that are 
off the beaten path. Let’s explore our favorites—and maybe some of yours—from
  the past year. 



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com


*A teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they celebrated
Christmas.  She called first on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class "Me and my twelve brothers and sister go to
midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very
late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings.  Then
we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do at
Christmas?"

"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing carols.
When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the chimney and hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave
him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question.

"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responded.

Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what you sing."

"Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We
all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory.  When we get
inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing, "What a friend we have in
Jesus."   Then we all go to the Bahamas for 2 weeks.



v v v v v



In  a new sex survey they found that 18 percent of people had sex
four or more  times a week.

Now here is the interesting part. That number drops to 3 percent
when you add the phrase, "With a partner."



v v v v v








v v v v v



A  woman goes into the doctor because she's missed a couple of periods
and  takes a test, revealing she's pregnant. So she goes into the doctor
to confirm the results, and finds out she's about 3 1/2 months pregnant.

"Hmmmm." she says.

"Is this not good news?" He says to her.

"No, not necessarily.. The problem is that I've been with 5 
different guys in the past 4 months, I have no idea who the father 
could be!"

"Well, it looks as though you may want to contact each of them and
have them come in for DNA testing. Then you'll know for sure"  said the Doc.

"I can't do that." She says.

"Why not?" The Doctor replies.

"Because, they've changed their Screen Names!!!



v v v v v



What  is so good about being a toilet seat?

You get a lot of  ass!



v v v v v

Pets as a Substitute for Children?
http://womensissues.about.com/b/a/000022.htm?nl=1
Raising a dog or a cat is a trial run for raising children. 
Others have called pets "practice children," but my favorite term comes from
Helen Smith, a forensic psychologist in Knoxville, Tennessee, who blogs under
the name Dr. Helen. Her post Invasion of the Fur Children not only tells a good tale about
one woman who sheepishly says, "My dogs are my kids," but also reveals many candid
responses from dozens of readers. These comments run the gamut from "Our dog is
very much a part of our family, but she is not our child," to this heated statement from
a  mother of two young boys:  (continued at site)

Choosing a Veterinarian for Your Pet
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-5441.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
You and your veterinarian work together to keep your pet healthy, and you want to have a good
working relationship. Choosing a reputable veterinarian requires your time and attention. More...



v v v v v



                     The Top 8 Pet Magazines                     


8> Bone Appetit

7> Chasing Car & Driver

6> Human Fancy

5> The New Yorkie

4> Animals

3> Good Housepeeing

2> Scientific Pomeranian


    and the Number 1 Pet Magazine...


1> Two-point-four-three



v v v v v







*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


Cleaning Copper:  


To clean copper pans, give them a good scrub with dishwashing detergent,
then take a half a lemon and pour salt on it, use  
it to scrub the copper, you will see the shine come through.  
Keep adding salt to the lemon as you clean.  


HINT 2  

Cleaning Your Favorite Silver:  


Clean silver with the lemon juice and polish up with a soft  
clean cloth. Use cotton swabs to get into difficult crevices.  
After cleaning your good silver to prevent it tarnishing,  
store it in an airtight plastic container.





A Winter’s Tale, Told in Handy Tools - New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/27/garden/27shop.html?ref=garden
It is always good to be prepared for a new season. Now that winter is here, a
  shovel that can be used to clear the walk without risking back injury, retrofitted
stair treads that automatically melt snow and ice, and an inflatable
castle for children to play in are all worth having on hand.



v v v v v



There are 2 kinds of people in this world.

Those that want to get ahead, and those that just want to get head.



v v v v v



I always thought high blood pressure was the silent killer --
until I met a ninja with burrito farts.



Travis Ruetenik



v v v v v






home improvement with eric stromer - AOL DIY
http://diy.aol.com/home-improvement/home-improvement-with-eric-stromer?video=22) ;
Video - making your garden more eco-friendly!

home improvement with eric stromer - AOL DIY
http://diy.aol.com/home-improvement/home-improvement-with-eric-stromer?video=9
How to build a raised vegetable garden bed



v v v v v



      The Top 10 Things Overheard at a Tarantula Convention      


10> "Avoid the pool area. It's full of a bunch of hairy guys in Speedos."

9> "And this year's award for Best Web Design goes to..."

8> "Oh...you put your other left leg in, you put your other left leg out..."

7> "I can't believe they showed 'Arachnophobia' on the plane."

6> "I barely slept! I kept hearing hundreds of feet running up
    and down the hall."

5> "Our company saved 60% on air fare last year traveling on Chiquita."

4> "I didn't like the way Bert was running the meeting, so I ate him."

3> "Hey, Buddy! No Daddy Longlegs allowed. Oh, sorry Bernice. I
    didn't recognize you after your Brazilian."

2> "Listen babe, once you've had a guy with seven legs, you never
    go back."


    and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at a Tarantula Convention...


1> "Yeah, Miss Muffet! Take it off!"



v v v v v




PC World - Business Center: Vista vs. Leopard: Battle of the New Features_ http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/138819/article.html?tk=nl_bpxsld

It's a good bet that you've heard about Apple's update to Mac OS X. You 
probably have questions like these: How does Mac OS X 10.5 compare to Microsoft 
Windows Vista? Is it a worthy upgrade? What does Leopard mean for my business? 
Read on for answers.



v v v v v



BERRY SALAD  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 pkg. (8-serving size) cherry JELL-O Brand Gelatin  
2 cups boiling reduced calorie cranberry juice cocktail  
1-1/2 cups cold club soda  
1/4 cup creme de cassis liqueur (optional)  
1 tsp. lemon juice  
1 cup blueberries  
1 cup raspberries  
1 cup sliced strawberries  

DIRECTIONS:  
Dissolve gelatin completely in cranberry juice. Stir in club  
soda, liqueur and lemon juice. Refrigerate until slightly  
thickened. Stir in 2 cups of the berries. Spoon into 6-cup  
mold which has been sprayed with no stick cooking spray or a  
bowl. Refrigerate 4 hours or until firm. Unmold and garnish  
with remaining 1 cup berries.  

Yield: 8 Servings  



v v v v v



My parents sent my brother through law school.  Yes, he did
graduate but now he's suing them for wasting 7 yrs of his life.



v v v v v






RateMDs.com | Doctor ratings and reviews
http://www.ratemds.com/social/
Total Ratings: 367,653   
Total Doctors: 117,392   
Ratings Added Yesterday: 325   
We average over 400 new ratings per DAY, so  please keep checking  back.     
RateMDs.com allows patients to rate and read about their doctors and dentists.
This is a fairly new website, so please help others by adding your doctors and rating them!  

Free Pap Smear - How to Get a Free or Low Cost Pap Smear
http://cervicalcancer.about.com/od/resourcesandsupport/a/free_pap_smear.htm?nl=1
The Pap smear is an essential screening test for cervical cancer.  Unfortunately,
due to lack of health insurance and financial struggle, many women go without having
a regular Pap smear. Thanks to government and private organization programs,
no woman has to go without having a regular Pap smear.

Bedtime Snacking 101
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/Health_Conditions/bedtime_snacking_101.asp
?utm_campaign=2007-10-17&utm_source=living-with-diabetes&utm_medium=email&utm_
content=tip-of-day_bedtime-snacking-101&VID=2462
A light bedtime snack can help keep blood sugar steady during sleep, as well as reduce
the risk of midnight binge-eating. But how many calories should  you aim for, and what types
of foods? According to researchers at the American  Diabetes Association, the answer
depends on your blood sugar level before bed.  For those diabetics with blood sugar in
the normal range, or 101-180 mg/dL, a  snack should consist of
about 14% of your total daily calories.



v v v v v



The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought
in to be their new conductor. Their fears were realized at the
very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor
did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments
together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The
conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra,
demanding, "Who did that? Who did that?"



v v v v v



There's no doubt that we need all the doctors we can get.  If we
didn't have them, what would happen to all the old magazines?



v v v v v



I have a lot of 'sweet chariot' stocks. The minute I buy them they
'swing low!'



v v v v v






*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
http://www.popgloss.com/list=unusual-bras&pageoffset=0
Unusual-bras from Popgloss - a daily womens shopping magazine with the latest and
best designed womens clothing

Mrs hughes skewed views | Crackle - Stream On
http://crackle.com/c/High_Wire/Mrs_hughes_skewed_views/2041059#vt=1
Hilarious

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
YouTube - Jeff  Dunham Achmed's "Jingle Bombs"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E



v v v v v



One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my
house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a
sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front
door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living
room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said.  "Now you be good. Okay?"

From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay."



v v v v v



A surgical patient was given the usual postoperative instruct-
ions. That night she called, wanting to know if her mother could
visit. "Any time," the doctor replied. "Why do you ask?"

"It says here in your instructions, 'no relations until after your
post-op checkup.'



v v v v v






Styles that Stick: Hoop earrings - Styledash
http://www.styledash.com/2007/10/23/styles-that-stick-hoop-earrings/
The earrings you simply must own!

Women's Issues
http://womensissues.about.com/?once=true&nl=1
It's no secret that having a positive attitude can help you look better 
and feel younger," writes Sharon O'Brien, About.com's Guide to Senior Living. 
Read the easy-to-follow advice on her site to keep your mind, body, and spirit agile.

The Crone Movement - Empowering Older Women
http://womensissues.about.com/b/2007/10/31/the-crone-movement-empowering-older-women.htm?nl=1
When you hear the word 'crone,' what do you think of? A withered old woman, 
perhaps a witch, dressed all in black and hunched over a bubbling pot? 
Time to update that image in your mental file cabinet. The term 'crone' has 
been reclaimed by a movement seeking to empower women in their mature years. 
To find its source, we have to go back to the pre-Christian concept of the 
mother goddess who, with the rise of patriarchy, was later split into three
different aspects. These three archetypes represented the stages of a woman's 
life - maiden, mother and crone. Today the Crone Movement takes its name from
the archetype of the older  woman, a symbol of wisdom and strength.



v v v v v



I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you
wanted a day off?

You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a
little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it
to today's sermon. What...? Say that again..?" I'm cured?"



v v v v v






Happy New Year: Ten green resolutions for the new year - Green Daily
http://www.greendaily.com/2007/12/26/happy-new-year-ten-green-resolutions-for-the-new-year/
The New Year is a time many choose as a starting point in setting new  goals.
It is time again to start thinking about those New Year resolutions.  Aside from
the perennial resolutions of shedding extra holiday pounds and  getting more
exercise, here is a list of ten simple green resolutions to  consider:



v v v v v



When my daughter was about 10 years old I became pregnant.
Of course, she wanted to know how it happened,so I gave what I
considered an appropriate explanation of the process.

She asked, "Did you do that to get me?"

I said yes, and she responded, "And you did it again?"



v v v v v

v v v v v



TEACHER:    Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's.  Did you copy his?  

CLYDE :         No, teacher, it's the same dog. 



v v v v v



CROCKPOT MULLED CIDER

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1/2 Cup Brown Sugar  
2 Quarts Apple Cider  
1 Tsp Allspice - whole  
1 1/2 Tsp Cloves -- whole  
2 Sticks Cinnamon  
Orange Slices  

DIRECTIONS:  
Put all ingredients in crock-pot. If desired, tie whole  
spices in cheesecloth or put in tea strainer. If spices  
are added loose, strain before serving. Cover; cook on Low  
2 to 8 hours. Serve from the crock pot with a ladle, or  
if using a coffee pot, right out of the spout in place of  coffee.  



v v v v v





Avoid Overheating Your Computer:  Dummies

http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-5480,subcat-HARDWARE.html
After you use your computer for a while, a thick, hot coat of dust collects inside your
computer, and it can lead to overheating and damaged components. Periodically check
the guts of your computer for dust and do a little housekeeping. 

Your first step is to look at the fan's round grill on the back of the computer.
See all the dust flecks clinging to the grill, swapping barbecue stories?  Remove
them with a rag or vacuum cleaner, being careful to keep the worst grunge
from falling inside.  Lots more info at the site.



v v v v v



"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put
pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first,
I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it
won't fall down."



Mitch Hedberg



v v v v v



Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?

A: A Post Office!


v v v v v



Q: Did you know deer nuggets are cheaper than chicken nuggets?

A: Chicken nuggets are $1.49, but deer nuggets are under a BUCK...



v v v v v




*submitted by*
wmccarte@bigpond.net.au
A Friendship  Blooms
http://asandboxgreeting.com/blooms.html

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
~*~ A  Smile For You ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/asmileforyoukb.html

2.  ~*~ Friend  ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/friendbk.html



v v v v v



A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few
minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.  He replied,
"No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."

So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"

But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once,
but I didn't like it."

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and
again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once,
but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at
all, but I'm waiting for my son."

The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."



v v v v v



Questions NOT to Ask Your First Date


* "What size bra ya got there?"

* "Prune juice is my favorite drink. How about you?"

* "Would you mind if we skipped supper and just pigged out on
popcorn at the theatre?"

* "Do you mind if I floss?"

* "Well, now that you know all about my maggot farm, do you
collect anything?"

* "Would you mind if I pinched that zit of yours that's distracting me?"

* "Did you make that dress from an old set of curtains?"

* "Are we gonna kiss later on? Because I've been practicing with
my dog and I think I'm getting pretty good."



v v v v v







v v v v v



Britney Spears 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant; That's
nice, that means, fingers crossed, in six years both mother and
child will graduate from first grade together. How on earth, are
we ever going to get the IQ scores up in this country if those
Spears women keep breeding?



Alex Kaseberg



v v v v v



A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a
farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's
soul, the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard
of the Lord, my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer
replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher, "are you a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer, the
farmer said, "Nope, my name is Jones. You must be looking for
Jim Christian.  He lives a mile south of here."

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something, the young preacher replied,
"It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."

Taking a bandanna from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the
farmer remarked, "Well, then don't mention it to my wife. She
don't get out much, and if she hears about it she'll wanna go all
three days."



v v v v v






VIN numbersEnter a Vehicle Identification Number
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vehicle_Identification Number (or VIN) from any vehicle, and you will find
information about it. When I entered my VIN number into Google, it brings up a list of entries,
including for CarFax.com. This will tell me all the  history on
my title, and you can find out potential problems when purchasing a  used vehicle, as well. 



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A study says most men under 40 who suffer from erectile dysfunction
suffer from psychological problems. The psychological problem they
suffer from is erectile dysfunction.



Jim Barach



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Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the
least principles draw the most interest.



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Two old friends happened to meet at the grocery store. "And
how's your husband?" asked one.

"Oh, pretty good, now. Last week he had his appendix operated on," answered the other.

"Uh, what's an appendix?"

"It's just a tiny little thing below the belt line. It doesn't do anything and is not good for anything,
but once it was operated on, things got a lot, lot better."

"Hmm, I've really got to talk to my husband about that."



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Yapta - How do I Yapta
http://www.yapta.com/how/ ;
  Whether you have already purchased a ticket or are just starting your travel planning,
Yapta can help you save money. In either case, all of your trips are stored in your
Yapta account. You can quickly glance at all the latest prices in one location.
  Already purchased your ticket? Just enter your confirmation code. Yapta
will then track prices on that flight and alert you when you.re eligible for a refund.B
   Planning a trip? Start tracking lots of trips quickly, download the Yapta Tagger or
you can type in the information manually. Yapta will alert you when
prices drop and help you buy the best deal.  

Click here: LinkScanner Lite (exe), from Exploit Prevention Labs - Free
Downloads on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evaluation
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=38582651-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
  LinkScanner Lite analyzes sites in real time to detect a wide range of online
threats including malicious content, phishing, social engineering and targeted
software exploits. As you surf the web, LinkScanner Lite site ratings tell you which sites
are safe and which are dangerous at the only time that matters - right before you
go there. Whenever you're surfing, just right-click any hyperlink on the web
and LinkScanner Lite will give you an instant page security analysis. LinkScanner
Lite integrates with major search engines to check organic and paid search results;
a color-coded icon appears alongside each listing, so you get advance warning of
poisoned sites and can steer clear of active threats. LinkScanner Lite is small, lightweight and
won't impact system performance. It is free for personal use and compatible
with major anti-virus, anti-spyware and firewall products. Version 2.6.0
improves performance and includes minor enhancements

Click here: Musical Scales (msi), from Hyteq Systems - Free Downloads
on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evaluation Software
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=38582674-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
   Musical Scales is the best method for learning scales. It also helps you learn to
improvise in specific keys while you train your ear to recognize those keys. It doesn't
play chords but it does allow you to transpose the notes for any instrument. For
Saxophone, Flute, Oboe, Bassoon, Trumpet, Trombone, French Horn, Clarinet, Piano, Keyboard,
Violin, Viola, Cello, Chello, Bass, Tuba, Harp, Xylophone, Harpsichord,
Banjo, and any other Instrument.



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December 7 is Pearl Harbor Day. Senator Ted Kennedy always
commemorates the occasion in a fitting way. He goes out and gets bombed.



Alan Ray



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Ted Kennedy has signed a deal to write his autobiography. Although
Kennedy is a little sensitive about including the word "auto"
in his "biography".



Jim Barach



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Capital Steps: Gun Nuts Boasting They Can Open Fire



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Click here: YouTube - You've Got A Friend---carole King,Celine,Gloria,Shania
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6r1175w_lM
  This is wonderful -- sit back and listen

Click here: Changing Strings on an Electric Guitar - a tutorial
on how to change electric guitar strings
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/a8f

Click here: Summer fun!
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/a1M
  Summer can't get here fast enough for some of those in the colder climates,
and if 50 is the new 30, May very well be the new June. We could wait until
Memorial Day on May 28th or the actual physical solstice on June 21st, but it certainly
feels like summer already. With that in mind, here's a reminder of just how much the
classic AM radio hits of the 50s, 60s, and 70s influenced us all in the warmer
months, and how well they still manage to set the mood!

Click here: Top Summer Pop Songs of the 2000's
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/a1O
  Top 10 lists of summer pop songs from 2000 through 2005



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On "Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek's suffering a mild heart attack:
"He couldn't understand what had happened until his doctor explained
it to him in the form of a question."



Alan Ray



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In his new book, "Think Big and Kick Ass," Donald Trump advises
readers: "When somebody screws you, screw them back in spades." A
rule that doesn't apply, apparently, to his barber.



Bob Mills



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Hospitals across the country are reporting an increase in cases of
"anesthesia awareness," incidents in which surgery patients wake up,
are unable to signal their distress, and later report a feeling
of being "buried alive." Or, as Bush's attorney general nominee
would describe it -- "water boarding."



Bob Mills



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  Blood?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1405.html
Here!

Temple?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1406.html
Here!

I'm so bored...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1407.html
Here!

When men get horny!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1408.html
Here!

Junior just found out the truth!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1409.html
Here!

Honeymoon limo
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1410.html
Here!

So much for lunch
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1411.html
Here!

Economy class....oh, crap!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1412.html
Here!

Adds new meaning to drinking & driving! A GREAT idea
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1413.html
Here!

Twenty ways to have fun
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1414.html
Here!

Side effects
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1415.html
Here!


X T R E M E L Y  Naughty Links
Asses Up
http://www.curlydavid.com/asup11.html
Asses Up

Feed Me
http://www.curlydavid.com/feedme4.html
Feed Me

Hottie
http://www.curlydavid.com/hottie1012.html
Hottie

Ram Rod
http://www.curlydavid.com/ramr10.html
Ram Rod

Wet & Juicy
http://www.curlydavid.com/weju10.html
Wet & Juicy

Big Fella
http://www.curlydavid.com/bigfella.html
Big Fella

Blondie
http://www.curlydavid.com/blondie5.html
Blondie

Call Me
http://www.curlydavid.com/callme8.html
Call Me



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  Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
  to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
  systems and other variables beyond our control



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  Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
  here next week, same time - same place

  but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
  never,
  ever,
  EVER
  forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind



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  ©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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