Rockin' and Rollin'

Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
   CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet



SHOP TIL YOU DROP

I'm loving every minute of it -- ok, I'm finished so technically I *loved*
every minute of it. Hey -- I've been giving some serious thought
as to what I want since *so* many of you have asked!
LOL j/k

WARNING! There will be a few 'extremely' naughty links in each issue.
I have NOT been to these sites so visit at your own risk.

Taking photographs at popular tourist attractions can be tricky business.
You’re bound to include people you didn’t want in your pictures.
Well, there is a solution.
Upload the photos, and let the site do the work for you. It will combine the
photos, taking out tourists and other obstructions. It’s great, and it's free!
Find the SURFIN section and you'll find the link!

Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

"Best E-zine out there. I love my Rockin and Rollin fix"
eileenpj@verizon.net

?You are doing great ,enjoy every issue please keep it coming"
pinstriper@sbcglobal.net

"I READ R&R EVERY WEEK... GOOD JOB"
FL R2D2


v v v v v

Three moles are sitting around in their mole hole bored as can
be. One mole gets a bright idea to band together to look for honey.

All three moles agree and proceed to search for honey. Since the
mole passageways are very narrow, all three moles have to line up
single file during their search. Suddenly, the first mole yells
out to the other two, "Hey, do you guys smell honey?"

The third mole pipes up and says "All I can smell from here is molasses".

v v v v v

The Illinois State Legislature recently passed a bill mandating
   a "moment of reflection" in public schools at the beginning
   of each day. The bill's sponsor said he hoped the quiet time
would help students calm down and think about their plans.

   Sure, Mr. Politician. THAT'S what they'll be thinking about.

The Top 12 Silent Reflections of High School Students

12> "Wow, Mrs. Brown sure has a nice rack. Come to think of it,
   Mr. Smith isn't half bad, either."

11> "Hey, I wonder if that blond cheerleader that heals fast
   on 'Heroes' loses her virginity, will it grow back?"

10> " " (cheerleaders only)

9> "Hold this fart in for just another minute, ho-o-o-old it..."

8> "I think this Kevlar is giving me a rash."

7> "If the shots come from behind me, I can duck and roll toward
   the window. If they come from the front, I bolt for the door."

6> "Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli, lollipop. Lollipop, lollipop,
   oh lolli lollipop. (Pop) Boom, boom, boom, boom..."

5> "Look at the ass on that chick. I wonder if she'd be impressed
   if I shot her algebra teacher."

4> "Shit, I forgot to write my English essay! OK, title: 'A Lot
   of What Ought to be Thought Is Not.' Content: none."

3> "Whoa! If I cross my eyes it looks like *two* giant zits on
   my nose!"

2> "Man, that chick is hot, but her skirt is much too short...
   Oh, my God! Mom?!?!?"

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Silent
Reflection of High School Students...

1> "Damn, my water just broke. So much for my dream of giving
   birth at the prom."

v v v v v

Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml)

v v v v v

The whole gay marriage thing is pretty stupid.

Why would anyone ever want to get married
to someone who isn't even pregnant?

v v v v v

Quiz segment on a TV show:

Host: Who had a worldwide hit with the song "What a Wonderful World?"

Contestant: I don't know.

Host: Okay, I'll give you a couple of clues. What do you call the part
of your body between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant: The arm.

Host: Correct! And if you aren't weak, you are...?

Contestant: Strong.

Host: Correct. And a final clue: What was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis.

Host: Well there we are then. So who did have a worldwide hit
with the song "What a Wonderful World?"

Contestant: Frank Sinatra.

v v v v v

Play a Vista Game

If you're tired of Solitaire and the other games offered in Windows XP, Windows
Vista offers some new alternatives when you're looking to waste a little time.
Some of the Windows Vista games are remakes of classics like Solitaire,
while others are making their first appearance as bundled Windows games. Take a peek
at the games available in Vista, but don't blame me if you don't get any work done!

http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3uT0

v v v v v

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year"

Victor Borge

v v v v v

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always,
Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she
would prepare their lunch and carry
it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the
dwarfs had somehow survived.

"Hello, hello!" she shouted. "Can anyone hear me? Hello!"

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again
shouted, "Hello! Is anyone down there?"

Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep
within the mine. "Vote for Hillary, Vote for Hillary."

Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed, "Oh, thank you,
God! At least Dopey is still alive."

v v v v v

"Relax Santa. Christmas only comes once a year, but
I'll bet YOU can come SEVERAL times!"

v v v v v

Ten Christmas Songs for Cats:

10. Up on the Mousetop

9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas

8. Joy to the Curled

7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus

6. The First Meow

5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful

4. Silent Mice

3. Fluffy, the Snowman

2. Jingle Balls

1. Wreck the Halls!

v v v v v

"Jay Leno and David Letterman forfeited their network salaries
last week to honor the Writers Guild strike. No wonder Hillary is
slipping in the polls. With the late-night shows in reruns everyone
thinks her husband's seeing Monica Lewinsky again"

Argus Hamilton

v v v v v

Devices Enforce Silence of Cellphones, Illegally - New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/04/technology/04jammer.html?_r=1&ref=technology&oref=slogin)

One afternoon in early September, an architect boarded his commuter train
and became a cellphone vigilante. He sat down next to a 20-something woman who
he said was “blabbing away” into her phone.

v v v v v

Jeff just found out that his wife is pregnant. He did the math,
and according to her due date, Jeff was out of town at the time
of conception.

He was amazed. He couldn't believe it. He will finally make it
into the Guinness Book of World Records for impregnating his wife
via phone sex!

v v v v v

The Top 7 Reasons to Believe Your Accountant
Has a Crush on You

7> He asks if your loophole is a receivable.

6> Has tiny photos of you pasted on her "10-key," so she can
touch you repeatedly and *really* fast.

5> He trades in his green eye shade for a blue one to bring out
the color in his eyes.

4> It takes him six hours to ask you everything he needs to know
to complete your 1040-EZ.

3> Grabs a fistful of each of your ass cheeks and says, "Boy, do I
wanna crunch *these* numbers!"

2> All of the zeros on your tax return shaped like hearts.

and the Number 1 Reason to Believe
Your Accountant Has a Crush on You...

1> His new glasses? Horny-rimmed.

v v v v v

Christmas in New York City - Collection of Christmas Ornaments
from New York City - by NYCTourist.com
http://www.nyctourist.com/xmas_in_nyc.htm
There's nothing else that can compare - to Christmas in NYC!

Oddball Hotels

http://information.travel.aol.com/galleries/oddball-hotels?ncid=AOLTRV00010000000287

Seasons or Ritz-Carlton hotels? Looking for accommodations that are
wonderful, but slightly wacky? You're in luck, whether you're visiting New
England, Paris or the wilds of Costa Rica or Turkey -- each has an over-the-top hotel offering
accommodations that will no doubt exceed your wildest dreams.

v v v v v

One day John goes to the church and takes a seat in the confessional.

"Father", he says, "this week I have sinned forty three times."

"My son", the priest says, "this is a bad thing. Who did this
happen with?"

"My wife, Jill," John answers.

"But that is not a sin", the priest says, "That is common behavior
in a marriage."

"I know', John says with a smile, "I was just anxious to tell someone."

v v v v v

*borrowed from*
shiny@shinyhappyhead.com

When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted
him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.

"Oh, you're 4," said the teacher. "And when will you be 5?"

The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, "When I
hold up the other finger."

v v v v v

   The judge says I live in my own little dream world.
That's okay by me -- everybody knows me here.
(Mike Thorpe)

According to my doctor, just one more
bout of flu this winter and I'll be
inducted into the Hall of Phlegm.
(Jerry L. Embry)

My girlfriend took me to see an Indie film.
Not only wasn't it action/adventure --
Harrison Ford wasn't even in it!
(Douglas Frank)

People always smile as they pass me, and I can never
tell if it's my "Aw, shucks!" innocence, or the
fact that I'm dressed up like an ear of corn.
(Reddy Freddy)

v v v v v

"They are calling this the toughest time for comedy writing since
those three weeks back in the '90s when Bill Clinton stopped dating"

Jay Leno

v v v v v

A prostitute that allegedly had sex with Sen. David Vitter gave
Hustler an interview where she shares details of the senator as
her client. Fortunately for the Senator, politicians in Washington
DC only buy Hustler for the pictures.

Pedro Bartes

v v v v v

*submitted by*
WaltWiso
Pyzam - Tic-Tac-Toe
http://www.pyzam.com/tictactoe
The best, all free content site on the internet. This is the site where
everyone goes to get awesome MySpace Layouts (http://www.pyzam.com/myspacelayouts)
(or Friendster (http://www.pyzam.com/friendsterlayouts) , Hi5, and others), cool _Flash
Toys_ (http://www.pyzam.com/toys) , and graphics to leave comments for people on your
favorite profiles! The best part is that we have a freaking sense of HUMOR! We loves us
some funny pictures (http://www.pyzam.com/funnypics) and funny videos (http://www.pyzam.com/videos) .
This site also allows you, the user, to tell us what to change.

Luxor 3 http://www.gamehouse.com/gamedetails/?game=luxor3&navpage=downloadgames
One of the most addictive games of all time is back - and you won't believe your eyes!
The epic battle between the gods of ancient Egypt comes to a head in more than
140 levels of exciting action-puzzle fun! Use your mystical winged scarab to shoot and
destroy the approaching magical spheres before they reach the pyramids at the end of
their path. Utilize reflectors to make nearly impossible matches, make three matches in a row
to release supernatural power-ups, and collect Ankh coins to use for purchasing vital
upgrades. Featuring seven gameplay modes (including five new ones!), loads of new
features, and stunning full-screen graphics, Luxor 3 is an engaging
adventure for your brain!

Jane's Hotel
http://www.gamehouse.com/gamedetails/?game=janeshotel&navpage=downloadgames)
Turn a two-star inn into the toast of the town in this fast-paced challenge. Jane comes
from a long line of hotel owners and when the opportunity for her to open her own
she just can't resist. Help Jane reach her dream of operating a sparkling destination for
travelers by catering to the desires of her customers and keeping her establishment
in tip-top shape. It won't be easy with these guests! But, with a little hard work, and
just the right upgrades, Jane's Hotel is sure to be named "The Best Hotel of the
Town" by the local mayor. Your stay at Jane's Hotel is sure to be unforgettable.

v v v v v

   Things in Southern California have settled down now,
   after a number of wildfires forced nearly a million
   people to abandoned their homes and seek temporary shelter.

   But despite the nonstop news coverage that lasted close
   to a week, one important question remains unanswered...

   The Top 16 Causes of California's Enormous Wildfires

16> Jerry Bruckheimer presents: "California's Enormous Wildfires"

15> Ubiquitous smoking bans have driven all the smokers into
the woods.

14> Firefighters delayed by having to fill out pages and pages
of environmental-impact statements.

13> Turns out hugged trees are *extra* flammable!

12> A bitter and forgotten once-Governor Gray Davis, wandering
the southland hills with nothing but a gas can, a Zippo and a grudge.

11> Every so often, Satan likes to remind Spielberg and Lucas
what's in store for them.

10> Pam Anderson mistakenly inflated her breasts with hydrogen.

9> Poorly trained Wendy's employee asked burger-ordering customer
if he wanted fires with that.

8> Kids who quickly got bored with the video game "Burning Crap Down 2."

7> A direct result of friction between Kim Bassinger and Alec
Baldwin, coupled with Robert Downey Jr.'s crack pipe.

6> It was a rare Streisand/Cruise/Lopez "perfect ego storm"
conflagration.

5> The Governator insists on using a flamethrower to veto bills
he disagrees with.

4> Since 1982, Smokey the Bear has been stuffed and standing
in a hunters' lodge in Sacramento.

3> With Paris, Britney, Lindsay and Tara Reid drinking the area
dry every night, it was only a matter of time.

2> Apparently, we now know what Jerry Falwell's dying wish was.

   and Topfive.com's Number 1 Cause
of California's Enormous Wildfires...

1> "So you were in Vegas under arrest for armed robbery when
the fires broke out? How convenient for you, Mr. Simpson.
BUT IT WON'T WORK THIS TIME!"


   v v v v v

Marg: "My first ex was so incredibly stupid."

Cindy: "How so?"

Marg: "When I told him I was pregnant, he went to the store and
bought me an EPT."

Cindy: "Why would he get you a pregnancy test when you'd already
told him you were pregnant?"

Marg: "He didn't want to get "trapped" into marriage; he thought
EPT meant Early Paternity Test.

v v v v v

Microsoft's Intentions for Facebook Revealed
http://www.infopackets.com/channels/en/windows/gazette/2007/2007
1109_microsofts_intentions_for_facebook_revealed.htm

A few weeks ago, Microsoft and Facebook announced their happy eloping, an
arrangement that included an astounding $240 million wedding ring. Now,
it's becoming clear just what that money will mean for Microsoft and
perhaps more importantly the millions of Facebook fanatics.

Since the purchase, Facebook and Microsoft have enjoyed a tumultuous
honeymoon. In fact, some analysts argue ...

... Click to read the rest of the article (and their most recent articles) online:

v v v v v

Sandra burst into the store of a pet shop owner.

"I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a good singer.
I've got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying for a
good singer."

The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small
cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store.

"Ma'am, I'm forty years in this business. In that cage is the
best singer I've ever seen."

"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something
I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like
a monkey."

By this point, the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder.

"Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" Placing
the cage on the counter, the bird burst into melody after melody.

In awe, Sandra murmured, "This bird sure is a good singer..."

Suddenly, she said in a shrill scream, "Hey, this bird's only got
one leg!"

The pet store owner was unperturbed, "Lady, what do you
want? A singer or a dancer?"

   v v v v v

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarq.com
Boost Your Love Life - Photo Gallery: 9 Everyday Edible
Aphrodisiacs - EverydayHealth.com
http://www.everydayhealth.com/photogallery/everyday-edible-aphodisiacs.aspx

For thousands of years, people have been using so-called aphrodisiacs — herbs,
spices, fruits, vegetables, insects, animal organs, and so on — to enhance their love
lives. How effective are these stimulants, really, at increasing sexual desire, drive,
and performance? According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration
(FDA), not very effective at all.

v v v v v

Q: What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

A: Polaroids.

v v v v v

A woman telephoned a veterinarian and asked him to come examine her cat.
"I don't know what's wrong with her," the woman told him. "She looks as if she's going to have kittens,
but that's impossible. She's never been out of the house except for when I had her on a leash."

The vet examined the cat and said there was no question about her pregnancy.

"But she can't be," protested the woman. "It's impossible."

At that point a large tomcat
emerged from under the sofa. "How about him?" asked the vet.

"Don't be silly," answered the woman. "That's her brother."

v v v v v

Camping by the Colorado River, a woman was surprised to see a man
rowing down the river screaming, "No! No! No!" Spotting another
woman down the shore, she ran over.

"Say," she said quickly, "shouldn't we do something to help that
man? He seems to be in distress."

The other woman looked up, her expression placid. "Oh, he's my
husband, and he's just fine."

"If he's fine, then why is he rowing down the river screaming 'no'?"

The other woman smiled. "During the week he's a corporate 'yes' man."

v v v v v

Returning Your Computer to Happier
Times with System Restore

http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-8.html?
cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature

Ever dragged yourself into bed after a particularly disastrous
day, wishing you could wake up the next morning and find
everything back to normal? Although things usually remain the
same when we wake up, that doesn't have to be the case with
Windows XP and its built-in System Restore feature. More
at the site!

v v v v v

*borrowed from*
shiny@shinyhappyhead.com

Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama on Monday said his
campaign made a "dumb mistake" when it circulated a memo criticizing
rival Hillary Rodham Clinton's financial ties to India.

Apparently since the release of the info he hasn't been able to fix his computer
when he calls for tech support.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
harlmilligan@msn.com

Two ladies talking in heaven:
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to
get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was
cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found
him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and
searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and
checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart
attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer--

We'd both still be alive...!!!

v v v v v

*submitted by*
wmccarte@bigpond.com.au
A Friend Like You
http://asandboxgreeting.com/afriendlikeyou07.html

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
A Jar of Hugs and Kisses
http://asandboxgreeting.com/hakjar.html

v v v v v

"Dad's are born without the sympathy gene. You can break your leg,
hobble into your house, and all your dad will do is look over the
paper and grumble, 'Shake it off!'"

Robert G. Lee

v v v v v

"When it came to spankings, my dad never used a belt. One time he
grabbed a piece of my Hot Wheels race car track. In my mind I'm
thinking, 'Great, now I'm being beaten with my own toys...' Thank
God I didn't get that wood burning set I wanted."

Scott Wood

v v v v v

"The only way my wife and I could afford to have kids is if she
breast-fed them for eighteen years."

Paul Alexander

v v v v v

On the phone with a golf buddy who has asked him to play, a guy
says: "I am the master of my home and can play golf whenever I
want. But hold on a minute while I find out if I want to."

v v v v v

Top 10 Cars for Students
http://cars.about.com/od/helpforcarbuyers/tp/Topten_teen.htm

Battery & Electrical — Car Repair & Auto Maintenance — Yahoo! Autos
http://autos.yahoo.com/maintain/repairqa/battery_electrical.html
How to know if your battery needs replacing
How do I know if my alternator is working correctly?
My car keeps blowing fuses!
The answer to these questions and so many more at this site!!

v v v v v

"The lady at the bank asked, 'What do you want on your checks,
wildlife, scenery?' I said, 'I want a picture of a big, thick-
necked guy on my checks. A bouncer - that's what my checks are
going to be.'"

Bob Kubota

v v v v v

Facts About Men:

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during
play-off season.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning.
Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually
have jobs and bathe.

Men love gadgets and lots of them.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and
the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types:
depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and
not nerdy.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen
a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my, I'm so embarrassed! Get
me out of here! There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually
on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

v v v v v

   Startup Inspector
http://www.windowsstartup.com/startupinspector.php
Startup Inspector for Windows is a Windows® platform software that helps both novice
and expert user manage Windows® startup applications. On www.windowsstartup.com,
there are more than 4,900 known programs in the database. Startup Inspector for
Windows can thus provide a consultative information on the programs that are running at your
Windows startup process. Whether a program is necessary to the
system, or is the program a spyware.
Scans all programs that are in the Windows Startup Folder, Registry and provide
you with a background information of the program.
Remove harmful programs like spyware, virus, diallers, make your system healthier.
Remove unnecessary programs like reminders, monitors, improve your system performance.

   Click here: Komando.com, Website for The Kim Komando Radio Show®, Komando Downloads
http://www.komando.com/downloads/category.aspx?id=3599
If you’re not backing up your computer, you’re asking for trouble. All your family photos and
important data can be gone in an instant. Unfortunately, many people don’t back up data.
That’s because it is easy to forget to run your back up program.
Well, Xecutor will help you with that. You can use it to launch programs
when you start or shut down your computer.

Amic Tools - Anti Keylogger Shield
http://www.amictools.com/v-anti_keylogger_shield.html
Anti Keylogger Shield is a powerful, easy to use anti-spy software tool that prohibits
operation of any keylogger, either know or unknown, professional or custom made.
Once installed, Anti Keylogger Shield will run silently in your System Tray, block the
system mechanisms that are exploited by keyloggers, and
protect your privacy immediately and constantly.

Keyloggers are small spy programs, that record everything one types on the computer,
including documents, emails, usernames and passwords, and then either store this
information in a hidden place on your computer for the person to obtain it
later or send it over to the Internet to the person who infiltrated it.

Keyloggers can come in many ways, as emails, viruses, trojan horses; from people
you know might try to invade your privacy and see what you are typing, or remote
hackers might want to stole usernames and passwords as you type it.
Unlike similar programs, Anti Keylogger Shield does not use a signature database,
and it will not try to detect keyloggers. Anti Keylogger Shield will simply block the very
mechanisms that are used by known and unknown keyloggers,
band these will not work anymore.

v v v v v

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter came
into the room. Never having seen anyone breast-feed before, she was
full of questions. After mulling over my answers, she remarked,
"My mom has some of those too, but the only one who gets to use
them is Daddy"

v v v v v

Guess who Borat is endorsing for President? Here is a snippet from
a recent interview:

Q: Who do you favor for President in the United States?

A: "I cannot believe that it possible a woman can become Premier
of US and A - in Kazakhstan, we say that to give a woman power, is
like to give a monkey a gun - very dangerous. We do not give monkeys
guns any more in Kazakhstan ever since the Astana Zoo massacre of
2003 when Torkin the orangutan shoot 17 schoolchildrens. I personal
would like the basketball player, Barak Obamas to be Premier."

v v v v v

Cell Phones Selling Indie Music?
http://www.infopackets.com/channels/en/windows/gazette/2007/
20070809_cell_phones_selling_indie_music.htm
EMusic, the second-largest online music distributor after Apple's iTunes, is
expected to announce a deal with AT&T that will allow consumers to purchase
songs from independent labels directly onto their cell phones, without having to
access a single PC. I am doing this with my iPhone (AT&T)
While many services, like those offered by Sprint and Verizon, already
allow their users to purchase tracks over the air, these ...
... Click to read the rest of the article (and our most recent articles) online:

http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ds4
Oldies Music Guide Robert Fontenot
It was almost immediately decided that Ringo should sing the lead, since he
was thought of by fans as the most loveable group member. To that end, Paul purposefully
kept the words and the melody simple. A deceptively simple song, it tells the story
of a group of sailors and their idyllic life in the ship of the title.

http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ds5
Classic Rock Guide Dave White
The end of John Fogerty's 32 years in exile from Fantasy Records and the music
he created for Creedence Clearwater Revival seems to have rejuvenated him. A
sense of enthusiasm and excitement is evident in his aptly titled album, Revival, which
he rocks, bops and choogles his way through with an
unbroken flow of creative energy.

v v v v v

Lady Crofton-Smythe was giving an upper-crust party, and had hired
Lena, a girl recently come to London from County Cork, as a maid.

As Lena was setting up the tea service, Lady C-S told her to be
certain that there were sugar tongs available.

Lena had never heard of sugar tongs, and asked the Lady what they
were and why they were used.

Lady C-S, always happy to Enlighten the Unenlightened, told Lena
that the problem lay with the gentlemen, who would go to the loo,
and to do what they needed to do, had to touch things which were
less than acceptably sanitary. Yes, even the Nobility was subject
to this masculine frailty.

"Sure, Ma'am, 'twas nothing like this Oi ever saw in Ireland,"
Lena said, impressed.

"Well, the Irish will learn manners someday, Lena," said the Lady,
with an instinctive lifting of her nose.

After the guests had begun arriving that evening, Lady C-S was
dismayed and infuriated not to see any sugar tongs on the tea service.

Lena, trembling, came quickly in answer to the Lady's angry shout.

"But...but, m'Lady, sure, an' Oi put the tongs out just as you
told me to."

Her furious employer pointed to the tea table, devoid of
tongs. "Then where are they, young woman?"

"Why, they're in the loo, of course."

   v v v v v

I was hoping I could avoid that line dancing thing in my PE class,
but the gym teacher crushed my hopes, saying my vast experience
with field sobriety tests didn't count.

v v v v v

On a bad day, I have mood swings -- but on a good day, I have the
whole mood playground.

   v v v v v

Women are like diamonds: The ones you see on TV are always nicer
than the ones you can actually afford.

v v v v v

FamilyFun: Christmas Cards (Printable, Photo, Card Holder, Card List) - and
More Family Fun
http://familyfun.go.com/arts-and-crafts/season/specialfeature/holiday_cards_ms/
Site has great ideas for homemade Christmas cards. You’re sure to find one that suits your taste.
I don’t throw away the cards I receive. But until I visited this site, I wasn’t sure what to
do with them. Now I have great ideas for displaying Christmas cards, old and new!
kkomando.com

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
Green Fundraising, Eco-Friendly Fundraising - Greenraising
http://www.greenraising.com/
Greenraising was started by the parents of elementary school children who watched
how their school's parents associations struggled each year to raise the funds necessary
to provide an excellent education, and who bought their share of cookie dough and
magazines to help that happen. At the same time, they noticed that their children were
coming home with concerns about the environment, pollution, global warming and living
conditions in the world, and were feeling helpless to change things. A little research
yielded a host of small things each family could do to help the situation, and a light
bulb went off (well, technically a compact fluorescent bulb). Greenraising was
created to help solve both problems: raise money for schools and give children
an opportunity to learn that their actions can change the world.

2. KoolIM.com:: Web messenger for AIM, ICQ, MSN, Yahoo
http://www.koolim.com/
KoolIM.com is a web messenger application that allows you to stay connected with
your favorite Instant Messenger almost anywhere. You need a computer with just a browser only.
There is no need to download and install any software or Java plug-ins into your computer to
use KoolIM.com Web Instant Messenger. KoolIM.com provides friendly, light
and very easy to use web-based interface with almost all core features from the
original Instant Messenger.

Haltadefinizione
http://www.haltadefinizione.com/en/
HAL9000 offers a wide variety of services ranging over many different areas
providing tools for works of art restoration and viewing, digital photo
compositing and retouching, scientific and macro imaging.
Resulting material can be printed at very high resolution in large formats.

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
Take Me Back To The Sixties
http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm
Back when gas didn't cost an arm and a leg!

2. The Ass Whuppin' Academy Video
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/39635/the_ass_whuppin_academy/

Tourist Remover
http://www.snapmania.com/info/en/trm/index.html
Taking photographs at popular tourist attractions can be tricky business.
You’re bound to include people you didn’t want in your pictures.
Well, there is a solution. Take three or more photos of the attraction.
Then, visit today’s Cool Site. Upload the photos, and let the site do the
work for you. It will combine the photos, taking out tourists and other
obstructions. It’s great, and it's free!

Hello God'http://gospelman.info/christian/HelloGOD.html
http://gospelman.info/christian/HelloGOD.html
A song by Dollar Parton about the times we live in

A Rape By Any Other Name
http://womensissues.about.com/b/2007/10/23/a-rape-by-any-other-name.htm
Philadelphia may be the City of Brotherly Love. But there's no sisterly compassion
in the heart of one female judge who recently tossed out a rape victim's
case because the judge felt she wasn't "really raped."
Why? Because the victim was a prostitute.
True...the 20-year-old single mother did initially agreed to have sex with one man.
But when a gun was pointed at her and she was gang-raped by a handful of guys
against her will, what would you call that? (I can think of several things, none of them very nice.)
Instead of rape, the judge held the assailant on charges of "theft of services"
because she noted the prostitute didn't get paid.

v v v v v

I used to have trouble choking down the pills I have to
take for controlling my cholesterol, but it's a lot easier
now that I wrap them in bacon.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com

Little Johnny's father has to come to school to talk to the teacher.
Teacher: 'Sir, I'm sorry, but your son does absolutely nothing at school,
he fails every subject!'

Dad: 'Except for drawing, he's a very good drawer.'

Teacher: 'That's correct, last week he drew a tiger on the chalk board
and the kids were so frightened I couldn't get them to enter the classroom'

Dad: 'That's nothing, last month he drew a pussy on the stove, I burned
my damn dick three times!'

v v v v v

Dreamy Winter Night
6 oz hot chocolate
Amaretto almond liqueur
Pour hot chocolate into a heatproof cup.
Add amaretto, to taste. Stir, and serve.

Aussie Beach Blond
1 1/2 oz Bacardi® white rum
1 1/4 oz Cointreau® orange liqueur
1 1/2 tsp sugar
3/4 oz lime juice
1 1/4 oz orange juice
1 passion fruit
Combine the rum, Cointreau, lime juice, orange juice, sugar,
and the juice from one passion-fruit in a blender with 1/4
cup of crushed ice. Blend and add further crushed
ice where needed until slushy consistancy is achieved.
Pour into a hurricane glass, garnish with a slice of lemon,
lime and orange, and serve.

v v v v v

Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a small town was taking a long
walk through a nearby meadow, when she was surprised to see a
parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.

"Hellllllp!" he cried when he spotted her down below.

"What are you doing up there?" she called back.

"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn't open!"

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Well, of course it didn't. If you'd just
asked one of the locals, anybody could've told you that *nothing*
around here opens on a Sunday!"

v v v v v

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.

The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a
thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood
for the fire."

About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and
finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the
other red and her ass is blue.

"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.

"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't
allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"

"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.

He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.

"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.

A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand.
"I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"

The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat
of paint is dry."

v v v v v

v v v v v

An urbanite retired and moved to the country. Every morning he
put on his denims and a straw hat and made every effort to become
a country gentleman.

One day an old friend came to visit him from the city. As he was
showing him around the farm they came to the gentle- man's pride
and joy...a fine-looking horse.

"Yes sir," said the gentleman, "I go for a buggy ride almost every
morning. How about I hitch up old Sea Biscuit and we go for a ride?"

"Suits me." answers the friend.

The gentleman started to harness the horse, but the animal
resisted having the bit put in his mouth. It was obvious that
the new farmer had no idea how to harness a horse, and after the
tenth attempt to get the horse to open its mouth, the guest said,
"Why don't you wait until he yawns?"

v v v v v

I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch,
having a snack.

"Where's your mother?" I asked.

"She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I'll see."

Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast.

An indignant yell came from above.

Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yes, she's in the shower."

v v v v v

by deb

HeartSick
by Chelsea Cain

"There should be small wonder why an inveterate watcher like Chuck Palahniuk
should call Chelsea Cain's Gretchen Lowell "the most compelling, most original
serial killer since Hannibal Lecter." Mass murderers don't generally act, of
course, like normal human beings. But Gretchen Lowell goes a step further: She
doesn't even behave like other serial killers. For example, she turned herself
in; not a common strategy for a ghoul, one might say. And before that, she did
something equally strange. She captured and tortured Archie Sheridan, the
Portland detective who had been tracking her for ten years. But she didn't kill
him; in fact, she freed him. And now Archie has real problems, and he visits her
every week in prison..."

Definitely different than anything else I have read - so original -- featuring a cop
who's obsessed with the serial killer, Gretchen Lowell, who kidnapped
and tortured him, then turned herself in.

I liked this book.

v v v v v

"It takes time to raise about 25 children. I know, I have two
myself. That's plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of them. They're
awfully cute. I can't think of their names. They don't come when
I call them anyway."

Victor Borge

v v v v v

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I
usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature
was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got
up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops,
excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."

By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I
was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a
little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF
YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and
mine is out in the car."

v v v v v

   Click here: McAfee Warns of Riskiest Sites
http://go.infopackets.com/e20070605-14

Thank security software gurus McAfee for confirming what most of us had
come to believe: searching on the Internet can be dangerous to your
computer's health. The company recently launched a survey under its
"SiteAdvisor" division, and some of the results are startling.

According to McAfee, searches for the following: "digital music", "tech
toys", and "to do online" returned some ...

v v v v v

Jill, a rather young miss attending St. Mary's Catholic Girls
School, was sitting on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette.

The local priest, walks by and gives her a glare. "Jill! Smoking
at such a young age! Aren't you ashamed?"

"What?" said Jill. "You got something better to do after sex?"

v v v v v

Kids statements that are a little... off track:

* God bless America thru the night with a light from a bulb!

* Oh Susanna, Oh don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama
with a band-aid on my knee!

* Give us this day our deli bread! Glory be to the Father and to
the Son and to the Whole East Coast.

* We shall come to Joyce's, bringing in the cheese.

* Gladly, the consecrated, cross-eyed bear.

* He carrots for you.

* Yield Not to Penn Station.

* Dust Around the Throne.

* Praise God From whom all blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures,
HERE WE GO

* Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call himnames.

* While shepherds washed their socks by night

* He socked me and boxed me with His redeeming glove.

v v v v v

Sesame Noodles and more delicious recipes, smart cooking tips,
and video demonstrations on marthastewart.com
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf4
10b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=7298d3deb6a0f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aR
CRD&vgnextfmt=default&xsc=eml_edf_2007_10_02

Sauteed Bok Choy and Broccoli and more delicious recipes, smart cooking tips,
and video demonstrations on marthastewart.com_ http://www.marthastewart.com/
portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf410
b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=b42556866a80f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&
vgnextfmt=default&xsc=eml_edf_2007_10_02

Almond Cookies and more delicious recipes, smart cooking tips,
and video demonstrations on marthastewart.com
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf410
b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=8e2b862ebac55110VgnVCM1000003d370a0a
RCRD&vgnextfmt=default&xsc=eml_edf_2007_10_02

v v v v v

After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the
clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming
after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced,
"If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!"

v v v v v

THINGS A MAN DOESN'T APPRECIATE BEING SAID WHEN A WOMAN
IS LOOKING AT HIM NAKED

1. Why is God punishing me?

2. At least this won't take long.

3. I never saw one like that before.

4. But it still works, right?

5. It looks unused.

6. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

7. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

8. Are you cold?

9. If you get me real drunk first.

10. Is that an optical illusion?

11. What is that?

12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

13. Does it come with an air pump?

14. So this is why you're to judge people on personality.

15. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.

v v v v v

   Click here: Essential Photo Tools
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3wph
   Make sure your photos look perfect and share them with others using these essential photo tools

   Click here: Removing Red-Eye with iPhoto
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3wpk
Use iPhoto 5 and later to remove red-eye from digital photos by following these steps

v v v v v

Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before
Buying A $14,500 Dessert

10. "Does my kid really need a college education?"

9. "Do I get to keep the plate?"

8. "May I leave off the second 'S' in 'Dessert' for savings?"

7. "Is this why the terrorists hate us?"

6. "What would Leona Helmsley's dog do?"

5. "Should I save $14,499 and get a kit kat bar?"

4. "Why?"

3. "How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?"

2. "Should I just overpay for a pastry at Starbucks?"

1. "Do I really want to be fat and a dumbass?"

v v v v v

"According to scientists ... one day we may have sex with
robots. And if you want to know what that's like, just ask Maria Shriver."

David Letterman

v v v v v

Tip

UPC Codes Entering a Universal Product Code
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_Product_Code
(or UPC) into Google can bring up loads of information on the
product, including possible recalls and what to do about them.

v v v v v

"Pentagon records show that at least 8,000 members of the
all-volunteer U.S. Army have deserted since the Iraq war began. Hey,
at least somebody has an exit strategy."

Tina Fey

v v v v v

Researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary. It runs
in your jeans.

v v v v v

The grass farmer was criminally charged after using a sod-off
shotgun to settle a lawn-standing turf war - he wanted mow
money. After his arrest he was denied bale.

v v v v v

   v v v v v

Top Ten Messages On Al Gore's Answering Machine

10. "Hi, Mandy from The Cheesecake Factory. You left your credit card"

9. "George W. Bush here. Congratulations on your Latin Grammy"

8. "It's Larry from Toyota. This global warming paranoia is great for business"

7. "Put on Letterman. Some idiot is going to jump over interns"

6. "This is Hillary. If you run for president, I'll snap your neck"

5. "It's Jets coach Eric Mangini. Can you play quarterback?"

4. "Ann Coulter here. Any way we can blame global warming on
the Jews?"

3. "I'm calling from the EPA. Turns out there is no global warming;
You're just sweating because you're getting fat"

2. "This is Jimmy Carter. Want to use our medals to score some babes?"

1. "It's Cheney. Watch your back, Jack"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments withher
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

v v v v v

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife -- except you're warmer!"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

v v v v v

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

v v v v v

First look at Firefox 3.0 Beta 1 | Hardware 2.0 | ZDNet.com
http://blogs.zdnet.com/hardware/?p=958&tag=nl.e622
Some noticed that the Beta 1 for Firefox 3.0 was made available a few days ago.
Sojme people have been curious as to whether the Firefox dev team would do a
serious revamp for this release or just concentrate on bug fixes and performance improvements.
   Early indications seem to suggest that it is indeed a major revamp of both the
core and the UI, and that Firefox will be a much better browser for it.

Is the Amazon Kindle going to be a monthly fee nightmare? | The Mobile Gadgeteer | ZDNet.com
http://blogs.zdnet.com/mobile-gadgeteer/?p=689&tag=nl.e622
More thoughts on the new Kindle

   v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfl@gmail.com

Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking
for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."

A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of
them out looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way
behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White
House, and then half the country will be out looking for work."

v v v v v

   Click here: About Dogs - How to Give Dogs Pills
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/an%5B
Different ways to give dogs pills

   Click here: Pill a Cat
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/an%5D
   So the veterinarian says Tiger needs these pills and your cat glowers at you
with jaws clamped shut? Take command-- you can do it with these instructions.

   Click here: 10 Things You Can Do to Help Animals
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/alN
Yes, animal activism can be for everyone. Here are 10 things you can
do to incorporate animal rights into your everyday living:

   Click here: Leading Animal Rights Organizations
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/3&sdn=animalrights&cdn=newsissues&tm=33&
gps=62_137_1178_833&f=00&tt=2&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//anima
lrights.about.com/od/animalrights101/a/arorgs.htm
   These are some of the leading animal rights organizations working on issues
such as animals in entertainment, animal experimentation, factory farming
and other forms of animal exploitation and cruelty.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
DeVulcano

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that
she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's
10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

but…

Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had
slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

v v v v v

APPLE CIDER GRAVY

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
3 T fat from the drippings, the rest of the no-fat drippings
14 oz of chicken broth
1/3 cup fresh apple cider or unsweetened apple juice
3 cloves of garlic, minced
3 T flour
1 T bourbon or orange juice
1/2 t grated orange peel

DIRECTIONS:
Pour out drippings and let fat rise to the top. Meanwhile,
deglaze pan with a little water. Skim off 3 T of fat and put
into saucepan. Toss out the rest of the fat. Add drippings
to pan. Make a mix of the flour and a small amount of COLD
chicken broth...remember cold is good here. Put everything
BUT the bourbon (or orange juice) and the orange peel into
the saucepan. Bring to a simmer. Slowly, in a thin even
stream, add the flour/broth mixture. Adjust for desired
thickness. Remove from the heat add the bourbon or orange
juice and the orange peel. Serve.

QUICK COOK TIP: You can add the flavor elements of this
recipe to store bought too.

v v v v v

v v v v v

The Top 8 Signs a Pimp Doesn't Care Anymore
(Part I)

8> He's begun absentmindedly slapping his hos with the *front*
of his hand.

7> Now he just drops all of his women off at the eBay Store
to be sold on consignment.

6> "Bitch better have my money -- else I'll be forced to write
her a strongly-worded memo."

5> Grey hat, black suit.

4> Claims his tennis elbow prevents his formerly vigorous-but-
loving ho-beatings.

3> His new business cards read: "Blowjobs $10 or Best Offer."

2> Tells his girls to go slowly with the johns because it
gives him more time to read stories to their toddlers.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign a Pimp Doesn't Care Anymore...

1> Trades in his pink 1972 Cadillac for a 2008 Prius.

v v v v v

   Click here: Build a Shelf - How to Build a Decorative Shelf Video - About.com
http://video.about.com/interiordec/Basic-shelf.htm
Looking for a way to use up your leftover wood? Watch how to make a simple but
decorative shelf, perfect for holding pictures or knickknacks.

   Click here: Window Treatment - Homemade Cornice Board - Directions
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/yX&sdn=interiordec&cdn=homegarden&tm=176&gps=
104_23_1193_850&f=00&tt=37&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//home
parents.about.com/cs/homedecorating/a/cornice3.htm
Cutting and assembling the pieces of wood you will use to build your cornice board
are fairly simple and require common tools found in many homes. Your local hardware
store might be able to cut the pieces for you at a nominal charge.

v v v v v

In college, I took a class from a professor who changed my whole life. I can't really remember
   what his name was, or what the class was, or even which college it was, but I found that if
you sit behind a really tall guy and kind of slouch down in your chair you can drink Scotch
right from the bottle and not get caught.

v v v v v

I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I
called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to
pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was
carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other,
which I assumed was my tip.

To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the
check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.

"Could that have been a tip?" I asked,
trying not to sound accusatory.

"Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the
living room and back!"

v v v v v

G A R D E N I N G

   Click here: Dummies::Consider Vines for Your Landscape
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-2949.html?cid=etipArticleLink
Vines are constantly on the move. Usually very vigorous, these plants sprawl
over, twine around, climb up, or attach to whatever gets in their way. They're
also very useful plants for landscapers. As long as you keep them within bounds and
under control, they can be used as groundcovers, as a covering for a fence or blank
wall, or as shading on an arbor or trellis to cool a patio or deck.
Like other plant groups (trees, shrubs, and so on), vines offer a variety of ornamental
characteristics, including seasonal flower color, bright berries, and autumn color.
Because most grow vertically, you can use them in tight spots where few other plants would fit.
And they are versatile — they can create privacy, provide shade, and
conceal unattractive landscape features.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
STLLRNING7

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless
Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died . The father thought it was a strange
coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers which went like this:

"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy, and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this
kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl
was going to bed the dad heard her say:

"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day,
had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by
until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead
of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight
arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent
the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened to me.

This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

v v v v v

v v v v v

   Actor Chuck Norris jumped on the Mike Huckabee bandwagon
   as the "Walker, Texas Ranger" star threw his support behind
   the Republican candidate for president. But what will Chuck
   bring to the campaign besides exercise-equipment-infomercial
star power, a bad hairpiece and a smokin' hot trophy wife?

The Top 12 Chuck Norris Campaign Suggestions

12> Kill them all and let the Supreme Court sort 'em out.

11> Make sure there are sufficient campaign lackeys available
for the "taking names" part.

10> Incorporate the words "Walker," "Texas" and "Ranger" into
speeches frequently. But, at all costs, avoid any Bush
referen-- uh, oh.

9> Chuck vs. Alec Baldwin. Ten rounds. Loser deported.

8> Inconvenient questions on evolution and intelligent design?
Tell them you'll have the answer after checking with Chuck
as to which animals he's allowing to live.

7> Claim you extracted John McCain from a Vietnamese prison camp
single-handedly.

6> "I've always been fond of the shirtless-and-oiled-torso look.
Let's see those abs... Holy mother of God, put your corset
back on! The horror!"

5> If the other campaigns "go negative," offers to let Huckabee
take cover in his beard.

4> Promise to replace waterboarding with "Chuck Norris-ing,"
then offer a taste test to your opponents.

3> Get a token Black sidekick. Give him the same authority
as you, but only 10 percent of the screen time.

2> Don't "run" for president; your plan is to *take* the
presidency. After that leaks out, the White House will
be empty when you get there.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Chuck Norris Campaign Suggestion...

1> Rename the Secretary of Defense the "Secretary of Beating
Your Ass to Death With Your Own Ass."

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* This week: Don't Send That E-Mail (Read This First)

Are you guilty of sending annoying e-mail? Of course you are. That's
because what you think is cool can drive someone else up the wall.

Here are a handful of examples in a recent Hassle-Free PC column:
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,132839/article.html?tk=nl_sbxcol

He sometimes seem to write more than he should, according to him,
so here are a few ideas he had to leave out of the print column.

Take a quick look at "Send: The
Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home":
http://www.thinkbeforeyousend.com/

Written by Will Schwalbe and David Shipley, the book takes potshots at
our email habits (I promise you'll think they're writing about
you--and me). The book gives solid, useful e-mail advice using a
funny, beguiling, poke-me-in-the-eye style. It's cheap, too--about the
price of a couple of fancy brews at Starbucks:
http://www.amazon.com/Send-Essential-Guide-Email-Office/dp/0307263649

Things That Drive This Guy Up the Wall

Don't Be Cute.
Don't Use Icons.
Don't CC Everyone
Don't Be a "Me, Too"

( I think he's a Scrooge)

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Having been laid up recovering from some additional cardiac surgery
I had lost any semblance of skin color, not to mention my previous
Florida tan, So before heading down to Keywest for a long weekend
with friends, I decided to visit a tanning salon.

I had fallen asleep and was under the lights a bit longer than i
had intended and the protective shades I had worn left big white
circles around each eye.

Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Wow,
I look like a clown." and had almost convinced myself that I was
overreacting until, picking up some supplies for the trip, I got
in the checkout line at my super market.

Feeting a tug. I looked down to see a small boy staring up at
me. My previous assessment on my comical appearance was proven
correct, when the freckle faced kid, smiled and said, "Hey Mister,
Are you giving out balloons?"

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   Click here: Cold Symptoms - Symptoms of the Common Cold
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/alK
These are the most common signs and symptoms of the common cold. Could
that runny nose or itchy throat be a sign of a cold? Find out now.

   Click here: Mental Fitness Improvement - Ways To Improve Your Mental Fitness
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/5&sdn=longevity&cdn=health&tm=52&gps=55_16
0_1178_833&f=00&su=p247.2.140.ip_p726.2.152.ip_p284.8.150.ip_&tt=3&bt=0&bt
s=0&zu=http%3A//longevity.about.com/od/mentalfitness/tp/Mental_fitness.htm
There are two basic principles to keep your brain healthy and sharp as you age: variety
and curiosity. When anything you do becomes second nature, you need to make a
change. If you can do the crossword puzzle in your sleep, it's time for you to move
on to a new challenge in order to get the best workout for your brain. Curiosity about
the world around you, how it works and how you can understand it will keep your
brain working fast and efficiently. Use the ideas below to help
attain your quest for mental fitness.

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WILD RICE CASSEROLE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:

FOR RICE
1 cup dry wild rice
2 cups chicken broth or water
1/2 tsp salt
1 TBL butter

1 small Jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained

1 small onion chopped
1 cup sliced white button mushrooms
1 TBL balsamic vinegar
1/2 lemon juice
1 TBL butter
splash Extra virgin olive oil
2 pinches dry orgeano
2 pinches dry thyme
1 pinch salt
ground pepper

1 can Campbells cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup shredded parmasean
1/2 cup shredded smoked gouda (or any white cheese)

1/3 cup sliced almonds

DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350. Cook wild rice according
to package directions..or bring water/oil and salt to a
boil, stir in rice, cover and simmer for at least 25 -35
minutes. Let rice sit for 15 mintues before uncovering.
Saute onions, mushrooms in butter/oil, add balsamic,
lemon juice, spices and salt about 7 minutes or so - until
brown and tender. Set aside to cool. In a mixing bowl,
combine drained artichoke hearts,soup, sauteed onion/mushroom
mixture, cheeses and wild rice. Pour into casserole dish
that has been sprayed with cooking oil. Top rice dish with
sliced almonds. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Yield: Serves 4 - 6

v v v v v

   The Top 9 Signs Your Vet Is a Former Auto Mechanic
Part II

9> He uses a dipstick to check your dog's temperature.

8> Will treat your Boston Bull Terrier, but not your German
Shepherd because he "don't work on them foreign models."

7> He suggests replacing Rover's kidneys every three months or
3000 tree-markings.

6> You take her in for a thorn in her paw and he calls to tell
you you'll have to replace her entire leg.

5> He checked *all* of Muffin's fluids. Gross.

4> His wall calendar shows a bikini-clad babe kneeling on a St. Bernard.

3> "Yer cat's gonna hafta stay anudder day. Parts is on backorder."

2> Asks if Fluffy's trunk release is under her seat.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Vet Is
   a Former Auto Mechanic...

1> You took Fido in for his rabies shot. They neutered him,
trimmed his tail and ears, did blood work and gave him a
transfusion. And no, they didn't give him his rabies shot.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
sammy562@gmail.com
Ellen DeGeneres Calls Gladys - Funny Video - EXTREME Funny Pictures
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic1984.htm)
I love this!

*submitted by*
lindaklebes@webtv.net
http://media.funlol.com/content/img/damn-turkey.jpg

v v v v v


Two east coast hookers decided to move to the west coast and while
driving through New Mexico they stopped at a little general store.

Well low and behold there were two older Indian women sitting out
on the front porch and the four women started up a conversation,
which lead to the one older Indian said, "Well I'm a Navajo and
she is an Arapaho."

Then one hooker said, "No kidding? Well I'm a New York Ho and she
is a Chicago Ho."

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"October...This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks.
The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March,
June, December, August, and February."

Mark Twain

v v v v v

COOKIE TIPS FOR BAKING SEASON:

* If refrigerator cookie dough seems to soft to form into
cylinders, don't be tempted to add more flour to stiffen it.
Instead, stick the bowl of dough in the freezerfor about an
hour. You'll find the dough easier to handle.

* Cookies that have become hard can be softened if you store
them for a day or so i a closed container wit half an apple.

* Dip your cookie cutter in either powdered sugar or warm
water, the dough won't stick to it.

* Use a wet knife to cut refrigerator cookie dough into
slices, and they'll cut cleanly, without ragged edges.

* For drop cookies, use a small ice cream scoop to drop the
dough on cookie sheets.

* Because cookie dough is so high in fat, you almost never
have to grease cookie sheets.

v v v v v





Anchorwoman TV Show Reopens Gender Debate
http://womensissues.about.com/od/television/a/anchorwoman.htm
In late August 2007, Fox TV introduced Anchorwoman, a reality show
that put Lauren Jones - a former WWE Smackdown Diva - behind the anchor
desk at television station KYTX in Tyler, Texas. Her resume highlighted a career
path quite different from most broadcast journalists. The winner of several
national modeling contests, Jones had appeared in a men's magazine and once
worked as a "Barker's Beauty" on The Price is Right. The hiring of Jones
was an attempt to boost ratings for the evening news broadcast which, according
to station management, is ranked third.

Feminism and Equal Rights for Women
http://womensissues.about.com/od/feminismequalrights
/Feminism_and_Equal_Rights_for_Women.htm)
The fight for women's equality and the feminist movement have a
long history with numerous players and participants. The freedoms and rights so
many women take for granted today were hard-fought by women not so long ago.

v v v v v

   The Top 20 Little-Known Uses for Leftover Thanksgiving Food

20> A roll: Feed all the contestants on "Americas Next Top Model."

19> Green bean casserole: Add another layer of hilarity to the
whoopee cushion planted for Monday's staff meeting!

18> Gravy: Surprise snowball centers!

17> Drumstick: Great for beating your timid Democratic congressman
over the head with.

16> Turkey carcass: Just a coat of Krylon away from being a sturdy
battle helmet.

15> Gravy: Keep the turkey baster handy too. Together they might
come in handy in case waterboarding is ever ruled illegal.

14> Turkey: A few days after Thanksgiving, it becomes an amazingly
effective appetite suppressant.

13> Mashed potatoes: Spackle substitute.

12> Raw turkey neck: The grandkids never tire of the old
"detachable penis" bit.

11> Jell-O salad: Before indulging her Christmas wish, let your
insecure 16-year-old test-drive a couple of DD implants at
school for a week.

10> Green bean casserole: Use to lubricate the garbage disposal.

9> Drumstick: Marital aid for her. Pie, stuffing, mashed
potatoes, cranberry sauce, etc.: Marital aids for him.

8> Turkey: Perfect for invading Iraq!

7> Giblet gravy: The world's best fake vomit, plus it can be used
to induce *actual* vomiting!

6> Yams: Comedy prop to be used during your Popeye impression.
(Carrot Top only)

5> Turkey: Send to lab. Extract steroids and growth hormones.
Feed Barry Bonds.

4> Cranberry sauce: Spread gently on head of baby; have toddler
pose nearby with brick; wait for the hilarity of Mom's scream.

3> What could possibly be better than a bean-bag chair?
A *gravy*-bag chair.

2> Dark meat: Add a little bleach and you've got white meat,
Jacko-style!

and Topfive.com's Number 1
Little-Known Use for Leftover Thanksgiving Food...

1> "Dear TopFive, what's a 'leftover'? Sincerely, America."

v v v v v

While remodeling the spare bedroom, my daughter was trying to install a window
shade which had arrived through a mail-order company. Frustrated trying to figure
out how to hang it, she was annoyed that the company hadn't included instructions.
However, she persevered and installed it correctly. She proudly pulled on the cord,
the blind opened perfectly...and out fell the directions for hanging the blind!
The first words on the tightly rolled instruction sheet were
DO NOT OPEN THIS BLIND BEFORE HANGING.

v v v v v

Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time,
but her husband insisted they were an extravagance.

Then she went to visit her Mother for two weeks, and when she
returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised
her by installing beautiful new cabinets.

A few days later a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring
the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad
that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined
to the kitchen."

v v v v v

As my husband, the county highway commissioner, was driving to the hospital
for treatment of his painful leg, he decided to use the valet parking service so he
wouldn't have to walk far. Staring at his official-looking vehicle, one of the valets
asked my husband if he was driving a government car. "Why yes," my husband replied,
surprised by the question. "In fact it's an unmarked police car."

"Wow!" the young man said, sliding behind the wheel.
"This will be the first time I've been in the front seat."

v v v v v

v v v v v

My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel
Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears--one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb.
When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress.

"See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy."

Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a
puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?"

v v v v v

The Top 16 Least-Loved Thanksgiving Dishes

16> Jumbo Tofurkey With Texturized-Vegetable-Protein Gravy

15> Sweat Potatoes

14> Hot Buttered Mixed Livestock Feet

13> Pheasant McNuggets

12> Pureed Pumpkin Pie With Straw

11> Candied Clams

10> After-Dinner Gravy Snifter

9> Bread Pudding With Drunken-Uncle Bourbon-Barf Glaze

8> Vincemeat Pie

7> Deep-Fried Beer-Battered Cajun Botulism on a Stick

6> Pootcake

5> Stranded-Motorist-Who-Shouldn't-Have-Been-Nosin'-Around-
Back-There-Behind-the-Old-Barn-Pot Pie

4> Cornhole Stuffing With Crammedberries

3> Gerbilet Gravy

2> Anything involving the turkey baster at Rosie O'Donnell's
or Melissa Etheridge's houses

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Least-Loved Thanksgiving Dishe...

1> Turdachshund

v v v v v

Toons To Make Your day!!   From Coop's Jokes Toonery.

1.”The Twelve Lays Of Christmas…. Lay # 4”
http://www.coopsjokes.com/toons9/lay4.htm
Click Here

2.”The Twelve Lays Of Christmas…. Lay # 5
2”http://www.coopsjokes.com/toons9/lay5.htm
Click Here

3.”The Twelve Lays Of Christmas…. Lay # 6
http://www.coopsjokes.com/toons9/lay6.htm
Click Here

Knights are growing longer
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1491.html
Here!

That half!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1492.html
Here!

Halftime baby
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1493.html
Here!

wicked wedgies
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1494.html
Here!

Just hanging around
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1495.html
Here!

Getting Married
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/028.htm
Here

Signs we all wish for
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1506.html
Here!

Heads or tails?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1507.html
Here!

Clean healthy living reward
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1508.html
Here!

Homecoming queen
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1509.html
Here!

X T R E M E L Y Naughty

http://www.curlydavid.com/ddong.asp
Daily Ding Dong

http://www.curlydavid.com/snatch.asp
Snatch Of The Day!

http://www.curlydavid.com/nira102007.html
Nice Rack

http://www.curlydavid.com/ambj301.html
Amateur BJ

Amateur BJ
http://www.curlydavid.com/ambj187.html

   v v v v v



Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

v v v v v

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind

v v v v v

©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

v v v v v

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