Rockin' and Rollin'

   Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
   CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet

THANK YOU....

For taking time to fill out and return the survey
For all of the kind things you said -- I appreciate each and every one of you!

I found that you are all pleased with the newsletter - some of you prefer
shorter jokes so I will try to find more of those. I am going to work
on naughty links as I stated, but if you happen across any, please send
them my way! Thank you again!   *mmmmmmmmmmmwahh*

Find your way to the HOUSEHOLD TIPS section and you'll find out
Hhw to build a Christmas tree pedestal - very neat! Be the envy
of all of your neighbors *smirk*

Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts darlin, cause it's going to be a wild ride!



"You give all of us so much with your newsletter and sometimes I
just want you to know it does not go unnoticed......Patty :-)"
dallas229@cox.net

"I think your Newsletter is just perfect the way it is. I look forward to
reading it every week. So for me no need to change it at all. :-)
Thanks for all your hard work"
Iandriano

"I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT !!!!"
Widow Smith

v v v v v



As you know, we here at Top5 Pets
occasionally take walkies on the wild side
with lists about lions and tigers and sloths.
   Today we're trying a new path, the mythical
   one. Come along! There may be photo ops, so
   don't forget to bring your Chimera.

The Top 10 Pet Peeves of Unicorns

10> Narwhals. Those copycat bastards.

9> The horn only picks up AM radio.

8> Although unicorn horn trade is illegal, it is not a government priority.

7> Breech births.

6> Icarus got Iron Maiden for his asskicking theme song. Unicorns
got some pack of Irish folk singers who make Raffi look like
Luther Vandross.

5> Stupid sneeze guards on the salad bar at Bonanza.

4> Michael Vick keeps trying to breed you with Pit Bulls to
produce Horn-Dogs.

3> Motorcycle helmet laws.

2> Stables without prominently marked doorway clearance heights.

and the Number 1 Pet Peeve of Unicorns...

1> The automatic assumption that you have a natural skill at
trash pickup.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you
know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

v v v v v

v v v v v

CHEESY BISCUITS

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1 teaspoon garlic salt or powder
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
1 teaspoon Italian seasonings
2 cups Bisquick
1/2 cup cold water (or ginger ale)
3/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, grated
1/2 c Butter

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Mix Bisquick, water and
cheese. Drop by large spoonfuls onto greased baking sheet.
Bake for 8-10 minutes. After baking, (while hot) brush
on melted butter or margarine mixed with garlic powder,
parsley flakes and Italian seasoning (a little seasoning
goes a long way.) Serve hot.

YIELD: 12 biscuits

v v v v v

A young man is being pursued by a young admiring woman. Eventually,
he has no choice but to grant her a private audience.

Relentlessly she asks him for a quickie in the sack though he
tried hard to refuse her. Finally giving in to her demands for
carnal knowledge, he says "OK, but there is one condition: I have a
particular fetish that you must perform in order to sleep with me."

"I'll do anything for you" replies the succubus. "Just name it."

So the man says to the woman, "You know ... I really enjoy it when
there's a sort of lightning effect. So you must reach over to that
switch on the wall and flick it on and off every few seconds."

The woman agrees and starts flicking the light switch off with
her left arm. She then asks "Now can we have sex?"

"Not quite yet" replies the man. "Lightning is nice, but it doesn't
really mean much without thunder. So with your right leg, I want you
to open and close the cabinet door whenever you flick the light on."

"OK" says the horny young maid, and she begins to coordinate
her flicks and clacks. "Now can we have sex?" she asks as she is
switching between arm and leg movements.

"Not quite yet" replies the man. "This is all very nice, but there
can't really be thunder and lightning without wind. I'd like you
to reach behind your head with your right hand and open and shut
the windows."

She says "OK" and begins opening the shutter and closing it with
her right hand. And of course, it's raining and some drops are
coming in the window.

So there she is, making lightning with her left hand, creating
thunder with her right leg, and using her right hand to make wind
and rain. Desperate and beyond understanding of his fetish, the
young woman finally begs him "NOW can we have sex? PLEASE?!"

And the young man looks at her shocked and says, "What do you mean
'have sex'? In this weather?"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

v v v v v

"This has been the biggest evacuation in California history, breaking
the record set in 2003 by the airlift of 700,000 children fleeing
Michael Jackson from the Neverland Ranch"

Jimmy Kimmel

v v v v v

"President Bush arrived in San Diego this morning where he met
with Gov. Schwarzenegger. Our fate is in the hands of the only
two politicians who don't speak English"

Jimmy Kimmel

v v v v v

"What happened to you and that last guy you dated for so
long?" asked Jane.

"Oh, HIM!" exclaimed June. "My God, Jane, he was just too big for me."

"Oh!" Jane giggled. "Wow! Really? Too big for you, huh?"

"Yep," replied June. "He sure was....a big liar, a big jerk, and a big asshole!"

v v v v v

PC World - Replace Your CPU
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,134970/article.html?tk=nl_esxcol
Breathe new life into your PC!!
Fierce competition between Intel and AMD has pushed prices for
many CPUs well below $100, making a processor upgrade more practical for older PCs.

(http://www.pcworld.com/zoom?id=134970&page=1&zoomIdx=1)

Start by finding out which CPUs your PC's motherboard supports; check the
device's documentation, or visit the manufacturer's Web site.For Intel CPUs,
identify your chip set with the Intel Chipset Identification Utility (http://find.pcworld.com/57739)
; for either Intel or AMD hardware, use SiSoft's Sandra 2007 Lite (http://find.pcworld.com/57740) .
Three scenarios make a CPU upgrade worthwhile: Moving from a Celeron to a
Pentium, switching to a version of your current CPU that's at least 50 percent
faster than the one you already have, and shifting from a traditional processor
architecture to dual-core.

v v v v v

"I went to a wedding...I couldn't believe the groom was married
in rented shoes. You're making a commitment for a lifetime, and
your shoes have to be back by five-thirty."

Jerry Seinfeld

v v v v v

The preacher at the wedding was an ardent fisherman and forgetful.
He asked the groom, "Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish
this woman?"

"I do," said the groom meekly. "

Okay," said the minister, turning to the bride, "reel him in."

v v v v v

I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a
little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was
a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said,
"Please Wiggel Handel".

Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
A Special Friend Like You
http://www.marycy.org/giftoflove.html

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Pearls Of Wisdom
http://www.mamarocks.com/pearls_of_wisdom.htm

*submitted by*
wmccarte@bigpond.net.au
"Sending A Teddy Bear!"
http://www.perfectgreetings.com/index.cfm?action=view&id=12190&scid=0

v v v v v

We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and
relaxation. So Count Dracula went on a tour of Europe. Having
not had a meal since he'd left the homeland of Transylvania, he
was very glad when a town constable knocked on his hotel door and
asked the count to show him his passport. It didn't take Dracula
long to grab the policemen and suck every drop of blood out of him.

Now Dracula was faced with a problem. "How do I dispose of this
body?" he wondered. The only solution he could come with was to
throw the new corpse out the window "I'm so high up, they'll never
trace the body back to me. Ha ha," he cackled. So - whoosh --
out the window went the corpse.

It just so happens that right below that window was the customary
station of an itinerant street singer. Bang! The singer got hit
right on his noggin by the falling body and was knocked unconscious.

Back in his hotel room Dracula was in the mood for "dessert," so
he rang room service and asked the front desk to send up another
town constable. Ten minutes later the policeman arrived and Dracula
invited him in.

As soon as the door shut, Dracula pounced, devoured his fresh and
steaming "dessert," Again the count wondered "How do I get rid
of the body?" and then thought, 'Well, it worked once. Why not
again?' So out the window went his latest victim.

At that moment the street singer below had just regained
consciousness and was wondering what the heck was going on. His
consciousness didn't last long, however, as he was instantly
knocked out cold by Count Dracula's second victim.

Some time later the singer woke up and saw that a small crowd had
gathered around. As he regained his bearings, one of the onlookers
asked, "What's happened here?"

"It's terrible," sang the street singer. "Drained cops keep
falling On my head!" We all love to travel, and vampires, too,
need their rest and relaxation. So Count Dracula went on a tour
of Europe. Having not had a meal since he'd left the homeland of
Transylvania, he was very glad when a town constable knocked on
his hotel door and asked the count to show him his passport. It
didn't take Dracula long to grab the policemen and suck every drop
of blood out of him.

Now Dracula was faced with a problem. "How do I dispose of this
body?" he wondered. The only solution he could come with was to
throw the new corpse out the window "I'm so high up, they'll never
trace the body back to me. Ha ha," he cackled. So - whoosh --
out the window went the corpse.

It just so happens that right below that window was the customary
station of an itinerant street singer. Bang! The singer got hit
right on his noggin by the falling body and was knocked unconscious.

Back in his hotel room Dracula was in the mood for "dessert," so
he rang room service and asked the front desk to send up another
town constable. Ten minutes later the policeman arrived and Dracula
invited him in.

As soon as the door shut, Dracula pounced, devoured his fresh and
steaming "dessert," Again the count wondered "How do I get rid
of the body?" and then thought, 'Well, it worked once. Why not
again?' So out the window went his latest victim.

At that moment the street singer below had just regained
consciousness and was wondering what the heck was going on. His
consciousness didn't last long, however, as he was instantly
knocked out cold by Count Dracula's second victim.

Some time later the singer woke up and saw that a small crowd had
gathered around. As he regained his bearings, one of the onlookers
asked, "What's happened here?"

"It's terrible," sang the street singer. "Drained cops keep falling
On my head!"

v v v v v

v v v v v

"I was making love to this girl and she started crying.

I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"

She said. "No. I hate myself now."'

Rodney Dangerfield

v v v v v

I went to my doctor and told him "My penis is burning."

He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."

Garry Shandling

v v v v v

Most Stolen Vehicles by State - AOL Monsey and Finance
http://money.aol.com/insurance/auto/most-stolen-vehicles-by-state)

Your State's Hot Wheels
Depending on the state you live in, your wheels may be more likely to be
stolen. In Alabama, the most stolen vehicle is a Chevy full size pick-up truck.
In Connecticut, it's a Honda.

Based on a study from the National Insurance Crime Bureau NICB
https://www.nicb.org/HotWheels/index.html
we take a look at the 10 most stolen vehicles per state.

Warning Lights! Car Repair and Auto Maintenance — Yahoo! Autos
http://autos.yahoo.com/maintain/repairqa/warning_lights.html
There are so many kinds of warning lights on a car! Find out what to do if
you see one!

v v v v v

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

v v v v v

The Top 8 Mom-isms from a Crazy Mother

8> A stich in time is just about standard operating procedure
around here, where the local ER knows us by name.

7> Eat all your leafy green vegetables and reduce groundcover,
thereby raising global warming concerns and driving Al Gore crazy.

6> A fool and his money are soon parted -- just ask our divorce attorney.

5> Don't waste all those tissues! Paper doesn't grow on trees, you know.

4> You lost the dog?!?!? Well, it just didn't get up and walk away!

3> Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting!

2> Look both ways before crossing your father.

and the Number 1 Mom-ism from a Crazy Mother...

1> Early to bed and early to rise will help your penis to rise, rise, rise!

v v v v v

   Click here: 10 things you should do to improve every new Windows
PC, from TechRepublic - Downloads - TechRepublic
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=38582676-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
   This document lists 10 enhancements you should make to every new Windows PC,
no matter whether it is a workstation or the family media computer.
Getting a new computer, even if it's only a new workstation at work, should be a happy
experience. A new PC means more power, faster processing, and usually a better
display. However, all new PCs could stand some tweaking to make them even better.
This download lists 10 tweaks that should be made to every new Windows PC.
These tweaks will bring out the best in your new PC and give you a solid foundation
for future applications and operating system updates. Some of the
suggested tweaks include: (info at site)

   Click here: Bookstore | TechRepublic
http://techrepublic.com.com/1395-6242-97-747555578-163
5043127-QG012.html?subj=EM01_DD&tag=nl.e530
Spyware and adware are increasingly eating away at IT professionals' time and
resources. These programs slow end-user system performance and can enable important
data to escape from your network. This resource collection examines how these
programs prove damaging, reviews three of the most popular removal programs
(Spy Sweeper, Spybot, and PestPatrol), and provides valuable tips and recommendations
for maximizing each application's capabilities.

   Click here: ShaPlus Bandwidth Meter (exe), from ShaPlus
Software - Free Downloads on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evaluation
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=38582672-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
   ShaPlus Bandwidth Meter remains in tray and displays the bandwidth
consumed for the session, day and month. This will be useful for people with limited
bandwidth/month internet connection. Other features: option to make meter
always visible, transparency of meter can be adjusted, option to exclude bandwidth
during certain period of day(for those who have unmetered bandwidth during
certain hours of the day). This version is the first
release on CNET Download.com.

   Click here: Google Voice Local Search
http://labs.google.com/goog411/
Speech recognition software has improved dramatically in recent years. And it’s
becoming more common.Programs like Word include speech recognition. And
companies frequently use it to improve their telephone systems.Now Google is using
speech recognition to help provide you information. It is testing its new
directory information service.You can use Google Voice Local Search (what a mouthful!)
to find local business listings. And guess what? It’s free! You can connect to the
listing free of charge. Or you can have the results sent to you via text message.


v v v v v

"As part of a promotion Taco Bell did during the World Series,
everybody in America will receive a free taco. Experts say it's
a good move for Taco Bell, and an even better one for Charmin
toilet paper"

Conan O'Brien

v v v v v

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that
whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the
afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a
year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a
call. It's Irv.

"So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.

"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then
I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up
for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap.
Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day."

"Oh, my God!" says Sid, "so that's what heaven is like..."

"Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in
Yellowstone Park."

v v v v v

   Click here: Best Folk CDs of 2007 ... So Far
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aec

   Click here: Oldies Songs against War -- Songs
Opposing War -- Anti-war Oldies Songs
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aee
   Vietnam was obviously the main subject threading through pop songs
of the first rock and roll generation, as Korea hadn't been thought of as such and those
WWII fighting songs were but a distant memory. But as the country picked sides,
the children of the greatest generation began asking themselves if war was the answer,
or was ever the answer to begin with. Here's a list of Top 40 classics
that rail against war and, naturally, promote peace.

   Click here: Concert for Diana in Pictures
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aei
   The United Kingdom's Princes William and Harry organized a concert on
what would have been their mother's , Princess Diana's, 46th birthday. The
concert also recognizes the 10th anniversary of Diana's untimely death. 24 musical acts
took part in the concert held at London's newly renovated Wembley Stadium.
The event was broadcast live in 140 countries around the world. More than 63,000
attended the concert in person, and the television audience was estimated at 500 million.
Participating music artists were chosen either because they were
favorites of Princess Diana or favorites of William or Harry.

v v v v v

She was so Blonde that...

...she wanted to visit a computer chat room, but couldn't find one
near her home.

...she called the *hardware* store to check on their stock of
artificial nails.

...she wore a bikini her first day in the car pool!

...she'd heard about the information superhighway, but couldn't find
it on her map!

...she wanted to sign up as an *organ* donor, but all she had was a guitar!

...she called home from work, set down the receiver, then sped home to
see if Call Waiting really worked...

...when told she would need a travel visa, she asked if her Master
Card was OK!?!


v v v v v



"My Halloween was marred. Horrible incident. A kid dressed as
O.J. Simpson broke into my house and stole all my candy."

Jay Leno

v v v v v

   Click here: Home
http://www.purinaoneoffer.com/
Real stories from pets and their owners

   Click here: About Dogs - All About Ticks on Dogs - Dog Tick
Removal & Dog Tick Prevention - Dog Ticks
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aVR
Ticks seem to be the product of one of Nature's foul moods. A real little
nasty critter, it hides out in grass and catches the unsuspecting passerby.
Crawling up to bare skin, or digging for it, if you're a dog, the tick will bury
it's head under the skin layer and proceed to drink all the blood it can get.

   Click here: Outdoor Housing for Box Turtles - Building a Box Turtle Pen
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aVW
   Depending on where you live and the species of box turtle you are keeping,
an outdoor pen might be a year-round home, a home for part of the year, or just
a place to enjoy warm afternoons. No matter which, most experts agree
that spending at least some time outdoors is very beneficial to box turtles kept
in captivity. The aim is to make the outdoor pen match their natural habitat as
closely as possible. The following advice applies primarily to North American Box
Turtles, with a few modifications noted for ornate box turtles.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

Little Debra came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her
birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother
what she wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Now, Little Debra was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at
school and at home. Debra's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get
a bike for her birthday. Little Debra, of course, thought she did.

Debra's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior
over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a
bike for her birthday. Little Debra stomped up the steps to her room and sat
down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:

"Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Debra"

Debra knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so
she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:

"Dear God:
This is your friend Debra. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,
Debra"

Debra knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3:

"Dear God:

I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Debra"

Debra knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By
now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother
she wanted to go to church. Debra's mother thought her plan had worked
because Debra looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," her mother said.

Debra walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked
around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary,
slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her
house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter
to God.

LETTER 4:

"I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN,
SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO"

v v v v v

home improvement with eric stromer - AOL DIY
http://diy.aol.com/home-improvement/home-improvement-with-eric-stromer?video=9
How to make your own headboard

home improvement with eric stromer - AOL DIY
http://diy.aol.com/home-improvement/home-improvement-with-eric-stromer?video=9
How to build a Christmas tree pedestal - very neat!

v v v v v

Q: What is the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that
his wife is frigid?

A: "No, she isn't!"

v v v v v

The Top 6 Signs You're Living in a Stephen King Novel

6> Hey, doesn't everyone bring a bucket of pig blood to the prom?

5> You drove into a down where the welcome sign lists the
population as a negative number.

4> Ancient evil clowns are chasing teenagers across the room, but
you're not at a KISS reunion concert.

3> You child is chanting in Latin with a deep resonating bass
voice. And four seems a little young to be hitting puberty.

2> You just moved from the big city to a tiny isolated village in
Maine. Can you say "duh"?

and the Number 1 Sign You're Living in a Stephen King Novel...

1> Based on this bill, either your car is possessed or Satan is
moonlighting as your mechanic.

v v v v v

v v v v v

The Top 8 Internet Bumper Stickers

8> I'd rather be phishing

7> Enlarge your penis now! (Ask me how)

6> Streaming Hotspot Internet Telephony happens

5> I brake for Wi-Fi hotspots

4> My kid can hack your honor student's computer

3> Jobs/Wozniak in 2008

2> Dancing baby on board

and the Number 1 Internet Bumper Sticker...

1> My cousin in Bangalore just stole your honor student's job

v v v v v

I saw a beggar who was so broke that he was standing on the corner
shouting as the cars went by WILL WORK FOR
CARDBOARD AND A MAGIC MARKER!"

v v v v v

Clematis Vine Has Unique Light Needs

Clematis is a popular flowering vine with unique growing requirements that, if you ignore them, deliver disappointing
results. Here's what these hardy perennials want, believe it or not: full sun on top and cool shade at the bottom (at the
roots). How can you supply this? Situate the plant next to your porch or deck where the stems can be out in the open but the
roots are afforded some protection. Or at least mulch the root area well after planting, and position a few shade-casting shrubs
or perennials in the vicinity. If you make your clematis vine happy, it'll do you proud.

For more information like this, get a copy of Gardening Basics
For Dummies [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0470037490.html?cid=eTipBookLink ]
Basics For Dummies, by Steven A. Frowine.

v v v v v

All wives are alike, but they have different faces
so you can tell them apart.

v v v v v

A really fat guy got out of the shower at the health club. A second guy
said, "Gee, you're fat!"

The fat man said, "Yeah."

The second man asked, "How long has it been since you've seen your dick?"

The fat man answered, "Long time."

The second man asked, "Why don't you diet?"

The fat man replied, "Why? What color is it now?"

v v v v v

Wireless Receiver
worldstart.com - Erin

Do you use a wireless keyboard or mouse? If you do, I'm sure you know that
they come with a receiver. Right? Right! Well, if you're not sure what I'm talking about,
allow me to explain it a little more. Basically, the wireless receiver is the component
that is used to connect your computer with the keyboard and mouse. I mean, it's
a good thing it's there. Something has to do it or your keyboard and mouse would not work!

The receiver works through signals. It picks up the wireless signals from your keyboard
or mouse, which then gives it the capability to communicate with your computer system.
Some keyboard and mice sets come with two receivers (one for the keyboard and one
for the mouse), but most will only have one. Now, when you're trying to find a spot to
sit your receiver, there are a couple things you'll want
to keep in mind. And here they are.

For one, you'll want to take note of the distance away from any interferences, such
as your monitor, computer case, fans, fluorescent lights, etc. To accomplish that, it's
best to keep the receiver at least eight inches away from any of those items. The next
thing you'll want to keep in mind is the distance away from the actual keyboard and
mouse. The receiver should be set up at least eight inches (or up to six feet) away
from those as well. If you follow all these guidelines, you will have the best
wireless setup in town (or at least in your own house!)

v v v v v

   Swedish game show host Eva Nazemson recently projectile-
   vomited on camera and didn't miss a beat, explaining to
viewers that she was having a rough menstrual period:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiiA0qH58wE

TopFive hears you, sister!
Surely, though, there must be a more polite way to
   refer to the projectile-puking of a game-show host.

The Top 16 Euphemisms for Game-Show Host Vomiting

16> "And the password is: Bleeaaahhh"

15> Hitting the Bad Tuna Whammy

14> Alex Treblecching

13> Asking the all-important tossup question

12> Bidding on the porcelain showcase

11> Buying a textured vowel

10> Introducing Upchuck Woolery

9> *Blanking* one's cookies

8> "Johnny, tell them what they've chummed!"

7> Returning the Rice-a-Roni

6> Taking "Potent Pukables" for $1000

5> Doing it up the gut, Bob

4> Naming that lunch in four flavors

3> Meal or no meal?

2> "Ralph Spewer, come on up!!!"

   and Topfive.com's Number 1
   Euphemism for Game-Show Host Vomiting...

1> Phrasing your answer in the form of a chowder

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BillieJo50
Click here: Urban Legends Reference Pages: Hand Sanitizer Alcohol Poisoning
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/sanitizer.asp
True!

   Click here: Science Daily: News & Articles in Science,
Health, Environment & Technology
http://sciencedaily.com/
So much information here, you're sure to be reading for a long time

   Click here: Common Ills May Be Early Signs of Ovarian Cancer -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/07/06/27/ALT02070627-01.html
   Cancer experts have identified a set of health problems that may be symptoms
of ovarian cancer, and they are urging women who have the symptoms
for more than a few weeks to see their doctors.

   Click here: Is Sunscreen Safe?
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/8677.asp?BID=42311&SID=17053750&EID=
6108AB9D-21FB-40F3-89FA-FF1083EB2DCB&utm_campaign=2007-07-01&utm
_source=healthy-advantage&utm_medium=email&utm_c
ontent=todays-headlines_is-sunscreen-safe
As soothing as sunbathing can be, no one wants the aging skin or cancer that
can come with regular roasting in the sun. That’s why lots of us lather on sunscreen,
rain or shine. But now several studies suggest that sunscreens may increase
cancer risk. Ouch! What’s a confused sunbather to do?

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A gas station owner was trying to increase his gas sales which had been
slacking off, and being creative in hillbilly territory he came up with
a surefire way to get his business back.

He placed a large hand painted sign out by the dirt road that read, "Free Sex
with Fill-up!" Soon the first local, Billy Ray, pulled in and asked about the free sex sign.

The owner told him that he had to get a minimum fill-up of 10 gallons of gas,
and then if he guessed the winning number from 1 to 10 he would get his free sex.

The hillbilly filled-up at over 10 gallons, and then guessed the number 8.
The proprietor said, "You were close â€”the number was 7. Sorry, but no sex this time."

A week later, the same hillbilly, along with a buddy, Freddie Bob, pulled in for
another fill-up. Again he asked for his chance for free sex after
making his purchase, and guessed the number 2.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, saying, "Sorry, it was 3.
You were really close but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the hillbilly said to his buddy, "Zeke, I
think that game is rigged, and he don't really give away free sex."

Billy Ray replied, "No, no it's for real, Freddie Bob! It ain't rigged at all.
My wife won twice last week!"

v v v v v

Men's Clothing, Men's Designer Clothing, Men's Clothing Online - AOL Shopping
http://shopping.aol.com/clothing-accessories/mens-clothing?ncid=AOLCOMMshopDYNLsec0001)
Great looks for guys --- trends he loves but she hates!

v v v v v

One morning I found a beautiful long-stemmed rose lying by the kitchen sink.
Even though the flower was plastic, I was thinking how, after all the years we had
been married, my husband could still make such a wonderful romantic
gesture. Then I noticed a love note lying next to it. "Dear Sue." it read.
"Don't touch the rose, I'm using the stem to unclog the drain."

v v v v v

A pair of stage-door Johnnies are ogling the cuties who are
leaving the dressing room. "Do you see that redhead over there?
I feel like screwing her again."

"Wow," said his buddy, "Do you mean to tell me you've been doing
it with that great looking broad?"

"No, I felt like it before, and I feel like it now."

v v v v v

A guy goes over to his brother's house all bruised and his clothes torn.
His brother says, "Man, where have you been?"

"I just got back from burying my mother-in-law," says the guy.

"How did you get all bruised and your clothes torn from burying your mother-in-law?"

"She wouldn't lie still!"

v v v v v


Women's Bodies, Women's Minds
http://womensissues.about.com/od/womensbodiesminds/Womens_Bodies_Womens_Minds.htm
Women struggle quietly to be authentic and accepted for who we are.
We're told to just be ourselves; but at the same time, external pressures to
conform to female stereotypes make many of us feel inadequate and inauthentic.
The fallout of this conflict touches upon body image, sex and intimacy, aging,
mid-life crisis, eating disorders, and depression.

National Hotlines for Domestic Abuse and Rape
http://womensissues.about.com/od/nationalhotlinenumbers/a/NatHotlines.htm?nl=1
There is no excuse for violence against women. Yet every day, thousands of
women are beaten, abused, raped, even murdered at the hands of family members,
acquaintances, and those they love.
Women who are abused are not faceless strangers; they are our neighbors,
friends, co-workers, and relatives. Women who are abused come from every
economic background and every age and stage of life. You may be experiencing
abuse yourself, hiding the fact that you're living in an impossible situation
because you're too terrified to reach out for help.

v v v v v

   Democrats are upset that the nominee for Attorney General, Judge Michael Mukasey,
won't say whether he believes that waterboarding -- not a sport but an
   interrogation technique employed at Guantanamo that simulates the
sensation of drowning -- constitutes torture.

But they may be overlooking other
   uncertainties. Here are a few...

   The Top 9 Other Things Michael Mukasey Isn't Sure About

9> Just who all is excused from the law nowadays.

8> Those Olsen twins: Cute pixies or freaky troll dolls?

7> If he's really ready to be just seven heart beats away from
the Oval Office.

6> If he really CAN'T believe it's not butter or if he just
chooses not to.

5> Whether that whole freedom of speech thing is still part of the law.

4> When the time comes, resign to spend time with family, or
resign for health reasons?

3> Just how much Senator Kennedy really weighs.

2> How all this can possibly be worth it for a crappy $186,600 a year.

and the Number 1 Other Thing
   Michael Mukasey Isn't Sure About...

1> What he'll be doing a year from now.

v v v v v

Helpdesk: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle
around it?


v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry.
If he missed a ferry late at night, he would have to spend the next
hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.
So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he
wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed
on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander,
"Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or
two. The ferry is just about to dock."


v v v v v



*submitted by*
guffiebaby@yahoo.com
BADVETTE87

Subject: DIVORCE LETTER

Dear Wife,

I am writing you this letter to tell you that I am leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called
me to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk
boxers. You ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex or
anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me
or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone

Your
Ex Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER
and I are moving to West Virginia
together. Have a great life!

Dear Ex Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got your haircut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl' Since my mother raised
me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So, when I ht the lotto jackpot for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and
bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you
wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me, so take care.

Signed,
Your Ex Wife, Rich as Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem



v v v v v

debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat
of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the
dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she
said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

v v v v v

My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning when a
gunman burst in and demanded all the cash. As she nervously handed
over the money, she noticed the rolls of coins in the back of the
register. "Do you want the rolls too?" she asked.

"No," said the robber, waving his gun. "Just the money."

v v v v v

   Click here: Clearwire Leaves A Dirty Taste ~ Windows Fanatics
http://www.lockergnome.com/nexus/windows/2007/06/20/clearwire-leaves-a-dirty-taste/
I was looking to cancel my two-year contract with Clearwire, considering it
hasn’t been anything but mediocre for me (questionable download “speed,”
unusable upload “speed,” consistent miscommunication with my router, etc.).
Looks like I’m pretty much stuck with Clearwire: ( I am not the w4iter
of this article as you will see)

v v v v v

   My excuse for weight-gain is that I haven't
   lost the baby weight. It has *nothing* to do
   with my fondness for all things chocolate. What
are some other 'good' excuses for weight gain?

The Top 7 Excuses for Weight Gain

7> "Ever since Oprah slimmed down I've had to start eating for two."

6> "Looking to go pillowless on my next mall-Santa gig."

5> "My stupid scale just loafs around on the bathroom floor all
day -- it's about time it carried some weight around here!"

4> "My 'Ejectio Calorisis' spell does not seem to be working."

3> "Twinkie the Kid killed my parents in a bank robbery and I'm
out for revenge."

2> "It's for a part the Community Center play. I'm playing the
Community Center."

and the Number 1 Excuse for Weight Gain...

1> "It's all part of an effort to change the way beauty is
perceived in modern society, one piece of cheesecake at a time."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later
in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was
afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So,
she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.

She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch.
When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when
she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"

Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing."

"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward
the tree, and collided with a cow.

v v v v v

Ring Tones and Ringbacks: Custom Cell Phones 101 : CNET Online Courses »
Lesson 2: Change your ring tone - Tips, Tri
http://custom-cell-phone.classes.cnet.com/lesson-2/)
Lesson 2: Change your ring tone

Microsoft and Nokia Go User-Friendly
BusinessWeek - USA
Microsoft, which some critics say has lagged behind in digital menu innovation,
on Oct.16 unveiled a series of upgrades, many of them aimed at cell phones ...

v v v v v

   The Top 7 Things Overheard in a Wildlife Bar

7> "That's a beautiful pelt you have. It would look even better
in the morning, crumpled up on the floor of my den, littered
with your bloody bones."

6> "Do I root for the Bears? Do you crap in the woods?"

5> "Sure I'd like some Moosehead."

4> "When can I smell you again?"

3> "Is this stool free?"

2> So, you ever been biped-curious?"

and the Number 1 Thing Overheard in a Wildlife Bar...

1> "Nice rack! Ten point, is it?"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman
pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How
come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"

"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

v v v v v

   Click here: Free Online Diary - Personal Travel Journal - Travellerspoint
http://www.travellerspoint.com/onlinediary.cfm
The summer travel season is almost over. But I’ll wager some of you still have a vacation coming up soon.
No doubt you’ve already gotten the major planning out of the way. But what about some of the finer details?
For example, what will you do to remember the vacation? And how will you keep friends
and family updated during your travels?

I suggest you try an online diary. You can post details of your trip, along with
photographs. You can share your vacation easily. And privacy features will lock out strangers.

Travellerspoint offers free travel diaries. That’s cheaper than the price of stamps!

kkomando.com

v v v v v

*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com

An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Alaska arguing about
which state had the toughest trees to peck.

The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker can
peck. The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in
the tree with no problem.

The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe.

The Texas woodpecker challenged the Alaskan woodpecker to peck a tree in
Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully.
The Alaskan woodpecker expressed much confidence that he could do it.

After flying to Texas and successfully pecking the tree in Texas, the two
woodpeckers couldn't figure out why the Texas woodpecker was able to peck
the Alaskan tree and the Alaskan woodpecker was able to peck the Texan
tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state.

After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion:
Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home...

v v v v v

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign posted on the glass
door saying, "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound
dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager,
"Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a
dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

v v v v v

After many hours studying pictures of
Bettie Page, I believe I've finally
figured out why they’re called "bangs."
(Richard Skora)

I'm not saying this is a legitimate reason
to major in astrophysics, but the fact is,
once you attain light speed it's basically
goodbye forever, college loan officers.
(The Covert Comic)

Wheel of Fortune Ancient Egypt Week:
"Is there anything that looks like
two birds trying to kill a snake, Pat?"
(Anthony Myers)

v v v v v

An Irish schoolteacher asks her class to use the word "contagious."

Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and
my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's
a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Seamus speaks up and says, "Our next door neighbor is painting his
house with a two-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed
quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the
garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out
into a torrential down pour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50
mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 34 yrs replied, "Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that crap?"

I still don't know if she was joking.

v v v v v

A man didn't understand how televisions work, and was convinced
that there must be lots of little men inside the box. manipulating
images at high speed.

An engineer explained to him about high frequency modulations of
the electromagnetic spectrum, about transmitters and receivers,
about amplifiers and cathode ray tubes, about scan lines moving
across and down a phosphorescent screen.

The man listened to the engineer with careful attention, nodding his
head at every step of the argument. At the end he pronounced himself
satisfied. He really did now understand how televisions work.

"But I expect there are just a few little men in there, aren't there?"

v v v v v

   Click here: Sally's Salon
http://www.gamehouse.com/gamedetails/?game=sallyssalo
&navpage=downloadgames&utm_source=gamehouse-house&utm_medium=ema
il&utm_content=2007-07-26_link6&utm_campaign=newsletter_2007-07-26
Help Sally spread her salon savvy from her hometown shopping mall to the glittering
lights of Hollywood in this colorful and engaging challenge. Work with Sally to beautify
everyone from little old ladies to punk rockers in 10 unique salon
locations in 50 fashionable levels of frantic fun.

World of Solitaire
http://worldofsolitaire.com/
There are a lot of computer games out there. You can play shoot-'em-up
video games. Or you can play games that are less violent.
Maybe you like puzzles or other casual games. These games can be a lot
of fun. But sometimes, nothing can beat the old standby: solitaire.
The World of Solitaire has only one game: solitaire. That’s a refreshing
change from sites that boast hundreds of small games!
You can select from a few deck designs. You can also customize the
background. There are several other options, such as animation, that you can
specify. But mostly, it's just solitaire! kkomando.com

MostFun Tradewinds 2 (exe), from MostFun.com Game Network - Free
Downloads on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evalua
http://downloads.zdnet.com/download.aspx?&compid=60717&docid=305799&tag=nl.e530)
You are a master commander, charged with overcoming manipulative pirates as
you attempt to snag their ill-gotten loot. In your spare time, you can also buy
and trade goods, gradually increasing your wealth and influence in various port
villages. Explore more than twenty ports and trade at least ten different types
of goods. Point of Game: Amass a great fortune as you explore more than 100
possible adventures and 60+ hours of gameplay.

v v v v v

The Top 16 Rejected McDonald's Slogans

16> Tastes Just Like Real Food!

15> We Love to See You Waddle

14> Screw Jenny Craig

13> We Are Legally Obliged to Tell You That Grimace Is a Convicted
Sex Offender

12> America, Your Weight Is Over!

11> Same Crap, Same Prices -- Just Keep Buyin' It, Tubby

10> Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles,
Onions, Britney's an Insatiable Screaming Nymphomaniac
Who Barks Uncontrollably When She Gets It Doggy Style

9> Open Wide, You Lemmings

8> Wipe Your Chins, McLardbutt

7> Go Ahead and Sue Us, Tubby -- Your Bad Eating Habits Put Seven
of Ray Kroc's 19 Grandkids Through Law School at Harvard

6> Spill a Coffee and WIN!

5> Relax, PETA -- That Ain't Really Chicken

4> Super-Sizing Americans Since 1954

3> You Don't Want to Waste Away Like That Subway Guy, Do You?

2> You Deserve a Wake Today

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Rejected McDonald's Slogan...

1> I'm Shovelin' It

v v v v v

7 items you didn’t know you could recycle - Ends of the Earth
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21642033/)

Sure, you know how to recycle newspapers and soda bottles. But what about
that old stuff that’s cluttering up your closets and your basement — is there
an eco-friendly way to get rid of some of that? Yes, say Chip Giller and
Katharine Wroth from environmental magazine “Grist.” They’ve got tips and
resources for green ways to get rid of everyday items you no longer need.

v v v v v

Things Never to Do on a Driving Test

~ Attempt to do something that you "saw in a cartoon".

~ Refuse to parallel park because "you plan to only go to places
where they offer valet".

~ Turn into the drive-thru liquor store without signaling first.

~ Ask the instructor if you can borrow some gas money.

~ Stick your feet out the window "because they stink".

~ Constantly pump the brake and tell the instructor that your car
only runs on "Kangaroo Gas".

~ Drive on a highway 20 miles over the speed limit, take both
hands off the steering wheel, and yell, " Look Ma... No Hands!"

v v v v v

Two men were boasting to each other about their old Army days. "Why,
my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they
presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented
arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first.

"Oh," replied the other off hand, "just our medals."

v v v v v

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Wdavisga

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The
lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you & threw the door.

Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts.
Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a
glove. Exposing your tender white skin.

From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the
warm water that awaits.

The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin.

My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads of
water. Making them trickle down off your body.

I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry
your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what
was well prepared to enter you before we even came through the door.

As soon as I lay you down your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I.

I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how much you can take in.

I put in more, you take it willingly. In anticipation, faster and faster
I put it in, pushing it in deeply as far as I can, until I can't put any more
in, you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it,

I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices escape from within.
Then I taste you, with my tongue at first, your skin is so soft and tender.

I taste more of you with my mouth, you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.

Your juices coating my mouth, making me drool in anticipation of eating
you more, with every taste.

"Oh yes", I say to you,

I must say Grace "Thank God for Butterball turkey.... Amen"

v v v v v

iBiquity Digital Corporation - Find a Station
http://www.ibiquity.com/hd_radio/hdradio_find_a_station)
HD Radio broadcasting is sweeping the nation. Many of your favorite
stations are already HD Radio broadcasters.
Currently, there are 1,517 HD Radio stations broadcasting across the
nation. Click on the map below or use the drop-down menu to find stations in your state.

ChipIn
http://www.chipin.com/
How It Works:
*Create -Tell us what you're collecting money for, how much
you want to raise, and when you need it by.
*Promote - Embed the ChipIn Widget on your favorite Web site
or create your own ChipIn page at yourname.chipin.com.
*Collect - Let your social network contribute via ChipIn's secure service
and collect your funds via PayPal, direct deposit (ACH), or check.
The ChipIn widget is a simple Flash application that allows you to
keep people up-to-date on ChipIn events you organize to collect money.
The widget works with any Web page and many popular social media Web sites.

Acronyms, Text Messaging Shorthand, IM, SMS - NetLingo The Internet Dictionary:
Online Dictionary of Computer and
http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
Neighborhood America - Connect2Elect
http://www.neighborhoodamerica.com/connect2elect.html
Connect2Elect is an independent, unbiased matching service that uses
some of the coolest technology on the Web to give citizens the power to navigate
through the oftentimes confusing process of selecting the best candidate for the
most important job in America.
At the site, you will find answers to commonly asked questions.
Additional inquiries may be directed to Neighborhood America

2. "Wow-Coupons - #1 source of Free Online, Printable retail, Grocery store
and Restaurant Coupon Codes."
http://www.wow-coupons.com/index.php
Printable coupons - retail, grocery, travel, rebates, restaurants

3. Playtex Products, Inc. - Investor Relations - Press Release
http://phx.corporate-ir.net/preview/phoenix.zhtml?c=63087&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1043584&highlight
Keep your Age a Secret and Get a ''Free Manicure'' from Playtex Living(R) Gloves
Playtex, a leading branded consumer products company celebrating 75 years
of innovation, announces its Playtex Living Gloves "Free Manicure" promotion.
The "Free Manicure" promotion is a fun way to bring awareness to women
of the need to protect their hands from everyday household activities. It
is well known that hands are one of the first areas to show signs of
aging. Playtex gloves offer the easiest and most inexpensive solution to
maintaining beautiful and younger looking hands.

City Guides by Citysearch
http://www.citysearch.com/
From New York hotels to Chicago restaurants to Los Angeles shopping
to San Francisco night clubs, Citysearch will help you find what you're looking for,
wherever you may be. Read dining and entertainment ratings and reviews, and
browse the Citysearch Yellow Pages to find recommended shops and services near
you. Choose a city below to get started.

The News is NowPublic.com | The News is NowPublic.com
http://www.nowpublic.com/
The Internet has changed our lives in so many ways. For example, we can get
news from around the world almost instantaneously. And it is possible to connect
to people we’ve never met. So, people have become more informed about current events.
One of the most exciting things to happen on the Internet lately is social
news. Sites like NowPublic let visitors post stories from around the Internet. ther visitors can comment on
the stories. Visitors to NowPublic can vote on stories. Popular stories are placed more prominently on the site.
I like NowPublic because it lets users post photos, videos and audio alongside comments. So there’s
no shortage of interesting content. Best of all, NowPublic helps you discover stories you
might otherwise miss. kkomando.com

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   Some folks smoke after sex. Others drive
right to the bank.

   The Top 8 Benefits of Working at the Sperm Bank

8> Surfing porn on the net at the office can be justfied as
"finding new visual stimuli for the donors."

7> All your "lucky stiff" jokes from your gig at the morgue are reusable!

6> Christmas Parties... need I say more?

5> Unlike at a "regular" bank, you rarely have to make change.

4> Working the drive-through window? Hazard pay!

3> More money and respect than working at the peep-show, for
dealing with the same basic fluid management issues.

2> "Stealing office supplies" offers far more interesting options
than just Post-It notes and Sharpies.

and the Number 1 Benefit of Working at the Sperm Bank...

1> A few days on the job, and you pretty much no longer give a
damn what Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have been up to.

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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the
minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into
how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on
her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired trips to where?

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph.
Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Brother Ralph: "I'm going back to get her."

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Winter Breeze
1 oz creme de cacao
1 oz vanilla schnapps
1 oz Ryan's® Irish cream
milk
Pour liquors into a beer mug, and fill
with milk. Stir, and serve.

Oral Sex On The Beach
1 oz vodka
1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
3 1/2 oz pineapple juice
Pour the vodka, peach schnapps,
blue curacao and pineapple juice into a
cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes.
Shake well, strain into a highball
glass, and serve.

v v v v v

I was watching the movie "John Q" this weekend. What a movie.
I thought my heart was going to break and jump out of my throat
when Denzel Washington thought he was going to die and started
giving his son advice on how to be a good man. Advice on how
to become a man that could look himself in the eye and not
blink. Life advice. Advice that makes you cry from its
simplicity and beauty. Advice that makes you think in black
and white Advice a dying father gives to his son.

Yeah, my heart was breaking. Through my tears I remembered
a piece of advice my father had given me after I’d gotten out
of school and joined the work force. It too was solid advice
and I’ve implemented it everyday since.

"Son," my father said looking me in the eye, "always crap on
company time."

v v v v v

v v v v v

Because of an ear infection, a young boy had to go to the pediatrician.
His mother was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to her son.
When he asked the boy, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" He nodded and whispered in the pediatrician's ear.

Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to the mother.
Without looking at it, she tucked it into her purse.

Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual food-drug interaction her son must have.
When he saw the woman's puzzled expression, he showed her the label on the bottle.

As per the doctor's instructions, it read:
"Do not take with broccoli."

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"Let's forget about the six feet and talk about the seven inches."

Mae West

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*submitted by*
Wdavisga

Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't...

10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."

9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"

7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

3. "It's cool whip time!"

2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

. . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't . .

1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."

v v v v v

You've Been Warned
by James Patterson and Edward Roughan

"For Kristin Burns, one nightmare changes everything. On the verge of a breakthrough
as a professional photographer, this single mother of two has few cares
in the world when she is jolted by a chilling, murderous dream. Then this
ghastly nocturnal vision begins to plague her every night, and before long, it is haunting
her daytime hours. To guard her sanity, Kristin takes pictures, hoping against hope that
the lens can snap her back to reality. A James Patterson thriller to keep you up late"

Definitely not one of the better books I have read. It was a bit silly - but at times kind of
interesting. You don't really care very much in trying to figure out why the heroine
has such gruesome nightmares. I read this last week and I don't remember much about
the book -- that should tell you something!

Novelist Norman Mailer Dies at 84
http://fictionwriting.about.com/b/2007/11/10/novelist-norman-mailer-dies-at-84.htm)
The two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Norman Mailer died this
morning of renal failure at age 84. The author of The Naked and the Dead
and The Executioner's Song ran with the Beats and covered the most
important events of the 1960s (one of his Pulitzer Prizes was for his book
The Armies of the Night, which chronicled the peace march on the Pentagon).

v v v v v

A man had a weakness for life insurance policies. In fact, fitting
them all into the family budget got to be quite a problem. His
latest term policy would just about break the budget, and his wife
blew her top.

"But Honey." he pleaded. "I'm only thinking of you and the
kids. Think how much money you'll have if I die."

"All so true Harold." she fumed. "But what are we supposed to do
if you live ?"

v v v v v

"All Men Are Created Equal" ...but not little boys and little girls.

*You throw a little girl a ball, and it will Probably hit her in
the nose.

*You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it.
Then it will hit him in the nose.

*You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, And she'll
look just as pretty when you finally Make it to church an hour later.

*You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll Somehow find
every mud puddle from your home To the church, even if you're
driving there.

*Boys' rooms are usually messy.

*Girls' rooms are usually messy, Except it's a good smelling mess.

*A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in Wonderment at what
nature has made.

*A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they Like to dress them
up and play house with them.

*When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, They like to tear off
their appendages.

*Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly.

*If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, Girls would rather
lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

*Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start
painting their face.

*Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost Instinctively start
painting the walls.

*If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed.

*If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it With a dozen fake belches.

*Boys grow their fingernails long because They're too lazy to cut them.

*Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look Nice
-but because they can dig them into a boys arm.

*Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age.

At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

*By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses.

*By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad Kisses unless
he bribes them with candy.

*Most baby girls talk before boys do.

*Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie.

*Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've Watched
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Movie three times in a row.

*Little girls turn into women.

*Little boys turn into bigger boys.

v v v v v

v v v v v

Watching her Mother fill out a questionnaire, the daughter seemed
concerned when under "age" she checked off the box marked "45-55".

"Mom !!!" she said gravely, "you're in the next-to-last box of life !"

v v v v v

A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English
woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim
competition. The French woman came in first, the Englishwoman
second. The Swede reached shore completely exhausted. After being
revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to
complain, but I tink dose other two girls used der arms." .

v v v v v

   Click here: PC World - Next Menace: PDF Spam
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,134392/article.html?tk=nl_spxnws
Security vendors and users agree that image spam is finally on the decline,
but at the same time a new kind of spam is emerging that uses an attached
PDF file to trick recipients into buying stock in a company.

Image spam, which has plagued antispam filters for the past year, is finally on the
decline as e-mail security vendors have tweaked their products to block it, says
Paul Henry, vice president of technology evangelism with Secure Computing. Image
spam has long fooled filters because the message's text is embedded in an image
found in an e-mail's body, and filters until recently couldn't decipher images. At the
beginning of July it comprised about 38 percent of all spam and is now
down to about half that volume, says Henry.

v v v v v

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena
said, "Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to." So
Ole drove.... to Duluth. .

v v v v v

A guy and his manager go down to the docks. The manager is betting
every docker he sees that his guy can make love to 100 women
in a row, without pausing, and satisfy them all. Bets are made,
and they agree that they'll meet the next day.

The next day, 100 women are lined up along the dock . The guy
drops his pants and starts. True to his word, he moves from one to
the next, satisfying each one without pausing: 1.. 2.. 3.. on and
on he goes: 49.. 50.. 51.. He slows down somewhat: 83.... 84....
85.... but he is still moving from one to the next, and the
women are still satisfied: 97.......... .. 98.............
99............... and before he can get to the last woman, he has
a heart attack and dies.

The manager scratches his head in puzzlement and says,

"I don't understand it! It went perfectly well at practice this morning!"

v v v v v

   Click here: Martha Stewart - Mile High Lemon Pie
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e
3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=fd28759a3ac0f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&
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ections&lastnavigatedchannel=6edddfc3832ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD

   Martha Stewart - Banana Cream Pie
   http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd16
11e3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=6e9de38e6ec0f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0a
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   Martha Stewart - Chocolate Pecan Pie with Chocolate Crust
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd161
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vigation&lastnavigatedchannel=a63ddc53f03ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD

v v v v v

The Top 8 Bits of Parental Advice Written by Dr. Seuss

8> Do not make them walk a plank
Do not punish with a spank

7> Remind again, again, again
Their curfew is at half-past ten!

6> Do not thump them in the head
Do not tump them out of bed

5> Remember, father, children cry
And when they're asked they don't know why

4> Teach the kids to leave you alone
When you are talking on the phone

3> Here is lots of new poo now. Who's poo? Lou's poo. Gooey poo.
Eww. Who must clean Lou's new gooey poo? You.

2> Be clear on this, it is not moot
No pool for them without a suit

and the Number 1 Bit of Parental Advice Written by Dr. Seuss...

1> For one that's dating dearest daughter
Here is a list of what he aughter
He must not do her in your car
Nor at the circus or bazaar
Leave her be at multiplexes
Keep his muscle calm, unflexes
And should he venture in her jeans
He'll learn just what castration means!

v v v v v

   Click here: Apple Macintosh Freeware - How to Download YouTube Videos
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3ggC
   YouTube is a free online video streaming service that allows users to view
and share videos. Although YouTube does not support video downloads, you can store
YouTube videos on your hard drive with these open source tools.



v v v v v

"In a recent interview, Arnold Schwarzenegger said cannabis is
not a drug. Of course, when Arnold said it, it sounded like,
'Cannibals need a hug.'"

Conan O'Brien

v v v v v

"According to the Congressional Budget Office, Social Security will
be completely depleted by the year 2052. 2052 - Social Security
broke. Once again, I don't think President Bush understands this
issue. He said, '2052, that's okay. By then all our old people
will already be dead anyway.'"

Jay Leno

v v v v v

Ken was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by
the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the
door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. "Oh my goodness," the
pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house."

"Young lady, you may be at the right house," Ken assured her. "But
you're forty years too late."

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N A U G H T Y L I N K S

*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead.com
http://www.shinyhappyhead.com/Files/sayinggoodbye_martin.wmv

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

Underdeveloped country, my ass!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1736.html
Here!

So much for safe sex
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1737.html
Here!

He's about to have a BAD BAD day!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1739.html
Here!

Death row...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1740.html
Here!

...it just looks soft.
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1601.html
Here!

I'll put the seats back on!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1602.html
Here!

Find out how he's hung!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1603.html
Here!

Jehovah's Witness Protection Program
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1604.html
Here!

'This Old Basement'
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1605.html
Here!

v v v v v



Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

v v v v v

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind

v v v v v

©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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