Editor:   DebsSweet
Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx,  LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book  Editor:  Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:   DebsSweet







HAPPY HALLOWEEN


Time to open your doors and your secret candy stash to those little
ghosts and goblins who manage to show up this time of the year.

Update:  Lily is still vomiting.  I have another appointment Friday
morning to discuss CT scans, etc.  *sigh*

Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
  order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
  anti-virus and adware removal software!
 
  If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
  and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
  to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.
 
  Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!
    and don't  forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 
 









"Great newsletter.  Oh wait, they're all great newsletters!!  Thanks . .  ."
ron_stott@yahoo.com


"Good morning all, I would love to recieve Debs letters and pics . I recently 
stumbled across her site and found it to be neat. Also want to say I love the 
artwork esecially the one of the girl with the tattoos and pierced nipples all 
she was missing was a cigarette. Anyway keep up the great work DEB"
gwarren1961@yahoo.com


"aww Deb I hope Lily gets better soon....I hate it when our pets are sick,
it makes us feel so helpless....my thoughts and well wishes are with
your precious Lily in her speedy recovery"
falasign@yahoo.com


Thank You All



v v v v v



Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I'm the third
Antichrist Nostradamus predicted.

I know one thing for sure: My mom would be pissed,
'cause she always wanted me to be a dentist!



v v v v v



             Carb-free, low-carb, carbs carbs carbs.            
                   It's the craze of the year.                  
              But what are some realistic names for             
                      these low-carb items?                     


                 The Top 5 Low-Carb Product Names               


5> Thomas' English Nothings

4> I Can't Believe it's Not Cardboard!

3> Future Meat Fart

2> Nabisco Shredded What?


    and the Number 1 Low-Carb Product Names...


1> Mean Cuisine



v v v v v








v v v v v



Romeo and Juliet Text Message Version

--------------------- Act 1 -----------------------


Login:

Romeo : R u awake? Want 2 chat?

Juliet: O Rom. Where4 art thou?

Romeo: Outside yr window.

Juliet: Stalker!

Romeo: Had 2 come. feeling jiggy.

Juliet: B careful. My family h8 u.

Romeo: Tell me about it. What about u?

Juliet: 'm up for marriage f u are.. Is tht a bit fwd?

Romeo: No. Yes. No. Oh, dsnt mat-r, 2moro @ 9?

Juliet: Luv U xxxx

Romeo: CU then xxxx

--------------------- Act 2 -----------------------

Friar: Do u?

Juliet: I do

Romeo: I do

--------------------- Act 3 -----------------------

Juliet: Come bck 2 bed. It's the nightingale not the lark.

Romeo: OK

Juliet: !!! I ws wrong !!!. It's the lark. U gotta go. Or die.

Romeo: Damn. I shouldn't hv wasted Tybalt & gt banished.

Juliet: When CU again?

Romeo: Soon. Promise. Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu.

Juliet: Miss u big time.

--------------------- Act 4 -----------------------

Nurse: Yr mum says u have 2 marry Paris!!

Juliet: No way. Yuk yuk yuk. n-e-way, am mard 2 Rom.

--------------------- Act 5 -----------------------

Friar: Really? O no. U wl have 2 take potion that makes u look ded.

Juliet: Gr8.

--------------------- Act 6 -----------------------

Romeo: J-why r u not returning my texts?

Romeo: RUOK? Am abroad but phone still works.

Romeo: TEXT ME!

Batty: Bad news. J dead. Sorry m8.

--------------------- Act 7 -----------------------

Romeo: J-wish u wr able 2 read this...am now poisoning & and
climbing in yr grave. LUV U Ju xxxx

--------------------- Act 8 -----------------------

Juliet: R-got yr text! Am alive! Ws faking it! Whr RU? Oh...

Friar: Vry bad situation.

Juliet: Nightmare. LUVU2. Always. Dagger.  Ow!!!

Logout



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Keeping Puppy Well Fed

Feeding your puppy the wrong diet affects his health and his
behavior. The wrong diet can increase your puppy's susceptibility
to disease, infection, and possibly nervous/aggressive disorders.

*   When searching for the right diet, pay close attention
to your dog: How's his digestion? Foods with
low-quality ingredients don't absorb as well and can
give your dog loose stools.

*    Dry food requires careful storage. If you let it sit
around too long, the vitamins may start degrading, or
the whole bag may acquire mold or pantry moths.

*    The need for protein changes throughout your puppy's
life and whenever the temperature changes or your puppy
suffers from emotional stress. When stress occurs, your
puppy uses more protein.

*    More protein is not necessarily better. High-protein
diets are used for show or working dogs. If you have a
sworn couch potato or a dog who must spend hours alone,
feeding him a high-protein diet  (which, broken down,
equals energy) makes him jittery and hyper.

*    Check the nutritional label to ensure you get a blend
of high-quality proteins (from dairy and meats) and
low-quality protein (from vegetables and grains). A
good diet helps your puppy produce two to four compact,
inoffensive-smelling stools a day.

dummies.com



v v v v v



*submitted by*
WaltWiso


A young cowboy walks into the town cafe.  He sits at the counter and notices an old
cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked
the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his
best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts
spooning in it with delight.  He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse
in the chili.  The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili in to the bowl.
 
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."



v v v v v



          The Top 9 Movies Described as a Police Report


9> Suspects abused the body of the deceased for several days;
    witnesses claim to have seen nothing despite direct contact
    with the corpse.
    (Weekend at Bernie's)

8> Stolen bicycle reported. Owner pursued the thief on his own
    without police help; bicycle eventually recovered.
    (Pee Wee's Big Adventure)

7> Five teenagers vandalized their school during detention last
    Saturday when left unattended by the principal.  As minors,
    the teens' names were not released; however, they are
    described as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess,
    and a criminal.
    (The Breakfast Club)

6> A wanted family of nine is suspected of fleeing the area and
    crossing the border into Switzerland. The family is described
    as a father in uniform, a mother or possibly a nun, and seven
    children dressed in clothes resembling old curtains. Suspects
    known to break into song at any moment.
    (The Sound of Music)

5> An individual came to the station to report he and two others
    lost a fourth individual to drowning during a boating trip.
    Authorities should be on the look out for hill dwellers,
    according to the pretty-mouthed individual.
    (Deliverance)

4> Marine Animal Control Unit requests a larger vessel after
    their initial attempts to subdue a local pest off the shores
    of Amity Island were unsuccessful.
    (Jaws)

3> Be on the lookout for a man driving a yellow Cadillac who is
    wanted in the kidnapping of his autistic brother. The car
    was last spotted travelling toward Las Vegas with stops at
    local area K-Marts to buy underwear.
    (Rain Man)

2> A teenage girl killed an elderly woman in Kansas, then
    apparently teamed up with three strangers to kill another.
    Suspect claims she was "over the rainbow" at the time.
    (Wizard of Oz)


     and the Number 1 Movie Described as a Police Report...


1> An underage youth, driving a sports car powered by plutonium
    obtained illegally from Libyans, was seen speeding in the
    parking lot of the Twin Pines mall. He was later nearly caught
    doing 88 in a 35.
    (Back to the Future)



v v v v v





*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Happy Slob House  Cleaning Gazette (Newsletter) for May 29, 2007 
http://www.happyslob.com/newsmay2907.html
This is such fun -- funny and  also some serious cleaning and organizing tips

*submitted by*
BillieJo50
Sugar ants and how to get rid of them
http://geocities.com/~y2k-survivor/sugar_ants.html 

Fold Fancy Towels - Fold Hotel Towels Video -  About.com
http://video.about.com/interiordec/Folding-Fancy-Towels.htm
Impress your guests by learning how to fold bathroom towels into fancy and 
elegant shapes, just like luxury hotels do.



v v v v v



      The Top 15 Halloween Costumes That Net the Least Candy


15> Lil' Pill-Poppin' Rush

14> The Incredible Sulk

13> Terrence, the Contagious Toll Collector

12> Saddam Hussein in a Flowery Island Shirt Holding a Pina Colada

11> Fat Lost by Carnie Wilson

10> The Politician Formerly Known as Governor Davis

9> Cellulite-Riddled Nudist

8> Mike Wallace and Camera Crew

7> Rupturing-Pustules Baywatch Babe With Realistic
    Festering Action!

6> "Sexy" Altar Boy

5> Left-Wing Monster GloriAl FrankenSteinem

4> Martha Stewart Prison-Bitch Barbie

3> LevitraMan

2> I-Just-Knocked-Your-Daughter-Up Guy


               and Topfive.com's Number 1 Halloween
               Costume That Nets the Least Candy...


1> SpongeBob SoiledPants
   


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SWIRLED PUMPKIN AND CARAMEL CHEESECAKE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
Crust  
1 1/2 cups ground gingersnap cookies  
1 1/2 cups toasted pecans (about 6 ounces)  
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar  
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted  

Filling  
4 8-ounce packages cream cheese, room temperature  
1 2/3 cups sugar  
1 1/2 cups canned solid pack pumpkin  
9 tablespoons whipping cream  
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon  
1 teaspoon ground allspice  
4 large eggs  
4 tablespoons purchased caramel sauce  
1 cup sour cream  

DIRECTIONS:  

Crust:  
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Finely grind crushed cookies,  
pecans and sugar in processor. Add melted butter and blend  
until combined. Press crust mixture onto bottom and up sides  
of 9-inch-diameter springform pan with 2 3/4-inch-high sides.  

Filling:  
Using electric mixer, beat cream cheese and sugar in large  
bowl until light. Transfer 3/4 cup mixture to small bowl;  
cover tightly and refrigerate to use for topping. Add pumpkin,  
4 tablespoons whipping cream, ground cinnamon and ground  
allspice to mixture in large bowl and beat until well combined.  
Add eggs 1 at a time, beating just until combined. Pour filling  
into crust (filling will almost fill pan). Bake until cheesecake  
puffs, top browns and center moves only slightly when pan is  
shaken, about 1 hour 15 minutes. Transfer cheesecake to rack and  
cool 10 minutes. Run small sharp knife around cake pan sides to  
loosen cheesecake. Cool. Cover tightly and refrigerate overnight.  
Bring remaining 3/4 cup cream cheese mixture to room temperature.  
Add remaining 5 tablespoons whipping cream to cream cheese mixture  
and stir to combine. Press down firmly on edges of cheesecake to  
even thickness. Pour cream cheese mixture over cheesecake, spreading  
evenly. Spoon caramel sauce in lines over cream cheese mixture.  
Using tip of knife, swirl caramel sauce into cream cheese mixture.  
(Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cover and refrigerate.)  

Release pan sides from cheesecake. Spoon sour cream into pastry  
bag fitted with small star tip (do not stir before using). Pipe  
decorative border around cheesecake and serve.  

Yield: 10  Servings  



v v v v v





Tree Planting - How To Plant A Tree Video -  About.com
http://video.about.com/gardening/How-to-Plant-a-Tree.htm
Jazz up your yard - and create shady spaces - by planting some trees. Check out 
these tips on how to properly plant a tree.

Video -  How to Plant an Herb Garden
http://video.about.com/gardening/Herb-Garden.htm
Want to wow your house guests with the freshest homegrown treats in
your salads or sauces?  This video demonstrates how to plant an herb garden, so you
can have fresh, homegrown, herbs to use in your cooking.

Video - Grow a Tomato Plant
http://video.about.com/gardening/tomato-staking.--5n.htm
Want to wow your house guests with the freshest homegrown treats in your salads or
  sauces? This video demonstrates how to Grow a Tomato Plant, so you can have 
fresh, homegrown tomatoes to use in all your cooking.

Treat Your Garden to Compost
http://www.garden.org/urbangardening/index.php?page=composting
Fall is a time of transition in the garden. In cold regions, annual plants
fade and the last of the deciduous leaves fall. In warm parts of the country,
the summer garden makes way for fall crops. Regardless of where you live,
debris from the yard and garden piles up and rather than discarding it and
sending it to a landfill..

October Tips
http://www.garden.org/urbangardening/index.php?page=oct-tips

Moving Houseplants Back Indoors
http://www.garden.org/urbangardening/index.php?page=moving-houseplants



v v v v v



You know how some churches put up billboards
with clever quotes supposedly from God?
Usually they say something like:


         * Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.
         * C'mon over and bring the kids.
         * We need to talk.

Here at the First Church of TopFive, our
billboard has messages like that, too....


The Top 14 God Billboards We'd Like to See
    (Part I)


14> You've been coveting again, haven't you?

13> Sure, *you're* going straight to hell, but there's still hope
    for your kids.

12> Give me your money or I call your dog home.

11> Pray!  You!  Get onto my cloud!

10> Go back home now!  Your wife's naked and Javier just pulled
    into the driveway.

9> Criminy, I invented the orgasm! What else do ya want?!?

8> No, I wasn't on your team's side, you wife-beating cokehead.

7> Wanna see a miracle?  Pull my finger!

6> You realize that your dead grandma watches every time you
    pleasure yourself, don't you?

5> Yo, dudes, J.Lo is a false idol.

4> An honor student, eh?  Well *my* son rose from the dead,
    Chester.

3> Can you hear me NOW?  Good!

2> That Madonna-kissing-Britney thing?  My idea.


  and Topfive.com's Number 1 God Billboard We'd Like to See...


1> If I'm your co-pilot, maybe you could go back and help
    with the meals for the rest of this flight.



v v v v v







v v v v v


EASY APPLESAUCE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
6 cooking apples  
(Gold Delicious, gala, Braeburn, Jonathan, fuji, McIntosh)  
1/2 cup cold water  
1/2 cup sugar  
1 teaspoon cinnamon  

DIRECTIONS:  
Peel apples and cut into quarters. Remove the cores and  
then cut the apples into thick slices. Place slices  
immediately in water with lemon juice to prevent browning.  
Soak for just about 5 or 10 minutes. Add cold water to a  
heavy 2-quart saucepan. Drain slices and add them to the  
saucepan. Bring apples and water to a boil over medium  
heat. Cover apples and reduce heat to low. For chunky  
sauce simmer apples for 8 to 10 minutes. For smoother  
applesauce, simmer for 12 to 15 minutes. Add the sugar  
during the last 2 or 3 minutes of cooking time. Stir sugar  
into the sauce and finish cooking to desired consistency.  
The applesauce can be served warm or chilled. Before  
storing in the refrigerator, allow the applesauce to cool  
and then place in a sealed container.  

Yield: 6 Servings  



v v v v v




What is a Blog?

 
Want to expose your thoughts to the world? Share your favorite links? Shout out your political,
religious, or personal beliefs? Well, a blog is the place to do it. It can be a soap box, a pulpit,
a diary—whatever you want it to be. There are few rules and can be any size or shape.

Blog is a portmanteau of  "Web Log" and is a web site where you can post pictures, share
links, make comments, and write whatever you want. Another neat aspect of blogging is that
visitors can comment on the posts creating an interactive, collaborative space. Many
have RSS feeds that notify you of new posts.

Blogs made a big impact on the 2004 US presidential election. Bloggers exposed
forged documents used in a news story causing the demise of a prestigious network
anchorman. Some bloggers are even being recognized by the news establishment as
legitimate journalists. Priests and pastors encourage and inspire with daily devotional  posts.

There's a blog for every interest, and if there isn't, you can create one.
Basic blogs can be created for free, while more involved ones might require a hosting fee.
For some lists of what's out there, check out these web sites...
http://blogcatalog.com
http://www.blogsearchengine.com/
http://www.blogarama.com/

So explore the "blogosphere", or jump in with your own blog spot.



v v v v v



             Lindsay Lohan may only have to spend a
            single day in prison resulting from SEVEN
          misdemeanors charged. And Nicole Ritchie just
           spent all of 80 MINUTES for DUI and driving
             the wrong way down a major L.A. freeway.


        The Top 8 Reasons Paris Hilton Got More Jail Time


8> It took longer to delouse her.

7> Nicole would have just slipped through the bars.

6> Lindsay's father bribed the guards with cigarettes.

5> In retrospect, she probably could have come up with a better
    opening statement than "Can we hurry this up? I have a nail
    appointment in an hour."

4> Paris is the cover girl for Skank Magazine, Lohan and Richie
    are just featured.

3> The inmates at the Lynwood House of Corrections were
    misbehaving and they had to find some way to punish them.

2> Nicole's attorney successfully argued that her father's
    "Dancing on the Ceiling" created a pre-existing condition in
    Nicole, causing her to be unable to tell upside down from
    right side up, frontwards from backwards, and which way she
    should drive on a freeway.


    and the Number 1 Reason Paris Hilton Got More Jail Time...


1> Because sometimes, just sometimes, there IS a sliver of
    justice in this cruel world.



v v v v v







v v v v v


*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net


It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old
girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came
out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are
amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must
be quite a man."

He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black."



v v v v v





When Breast Cancer Comes Back
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/7906.asp?BID=40581&SID=17053750&EID=6108
AB9D-21FB-40F3-89FA-FF1083EB2DCB&utm_campaign=2007-05-04&utm_sour
ce=healthy-advantage&utm_medium=email&utm_content=to
days-headlines_when-breast-cancer-come

Know Your Skin Cancer ABC’s? 
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/5872.asp?BID=40909&SID=17053750&EID=6
108AB9D-21FB-40F3-89FA-FF1083EB2DCB&utm_campaign=2007-05-07&utm_sou
rce=healthy-advantage&utm_medium=email&utm_content=
todays-headlines_know-your-skin-cancer-a
You may hate the way your moles look, but have you ever thought that they might be indicators of skin cancer (http://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/Health_Conditions/#) ? Some scary facts on this deadly
disease: It’s the most common form  of cancer in the United States. It’s diagnosed more regularly
than all other cancers COMBINED. Even worse, skin cancer can be preventable. That’s right - 
many of us are, in essence, inviting it into our bodies with unsafe sun exposure and tanning.
Become a skin cancer guru and learn more about the signs, treatment and prevention – it can
potentially save your life. Plus:  Test your know-how with our skin cancer quiz…

Battling Arthritis in the Pool -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/07/05/22/ALT02070522-02.html
When rheumatoid arthritis began to affect Marcy Hayek, she understood what she was
  facing. As a physical therapist, she'd helped many patients deal with the
often unpredictable and painful disease.



v v v v v





v v v v v



CHOCOLATE DROP COOKIES  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened  
1 1/2 cups sugar  
2 eggs  
2 tsp vanilla extract  
2 cups flour  
2/3 cup cocoa powder  
3/4 tsp baking soda  
1/4 tsp salt  
1/2 cup toasted, slivered almonds  
1 3/4 cups Milk Chocolate Chunks  

DIRECTIONS:  
Heat oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixer bowl, beat  
butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla until light and fluffy.  
Stir together flour, cocoa, baking, soda, and salt; add  
to creamed mixture. Stir in almonds and milk chocolate  
chunks. Drop by tablespoons onto ungreased cookie sheets.  
Bake 8 to 10 minutes or just until set. Cool slightly;  
remove from cookie sheet onto wire rack. Cool completely.  

To toast almonds: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. On shallow  
baking pan, place slivered almonds on pan and toast until  
lightly browned, about 8 to 10 minutes.  



v v v v v



              OJ, oh OJ! Back in the slammer again.              
             And he might be there for life. How will            
                  our dear Orenthal stay lovely?                 


               The Top 7 Beauty Tips for Prisoners               


7> Trade cigarettes for black market Mary Kay products.

6> The hair of the rats in your cell can be used to extend your lashes.

5> A non-comedogenic foundation does wonders for hiding those
    unsightly shanking scars.

4> Gonna choke a bitch in the prison yard during rec time? Not
    before a mani-pedi mister!

3> Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Then he does the same with you.

2> Use Solitary Confinement Cell Block Grout Mask to exfoliate,
    revitalize and add a glow to skin that never, ever sees the sun.


     and the Number 1 Beauty Tip for Prisoners...


1> Shaving and flossing are essential to help you look and feel
    your best when it's your turn in the glory hole rotation.



v v v v v





v v v v v



*submitted by*
lg1@tampabay.rr.com


      An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
      last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

      Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
      latest episode was another and stayed put.

      He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his
      ability to remain rational.

      In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
      bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

      A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
      started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
      the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a
      tangled pile at his feet.

      As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
      sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who
      had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is
      going on here? "

      The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit
      out of a ghost."
     


v v v v v

 
 
 
 
Love and Romance for Modern Times
WhoDoYouLove.com
Love astrology, love cards, coupons, chat. links, polls and  more

I Love You  Quotes and Sayings
http://www.quotegarden.com/love-you.html
Quotes: Missing you, being in love, why I love you and more

 

v v v v v



           Occasionally, we here at TopFive like to do
          intelligent, thought-provoking topics aimed at
           a more discerning caliber of comedy consumer.

               Today is NOT one of those occasions.


         A Houston woman gave her husband a sherry enema,
        resulting in a blood alcohol level of .47 percent
         -- and his death. Do not try this at home, kids.

       Here's the full story: http://snipurl.com/enemadeath


The Top 16 Names for Enema Cocktails
           (Part I)


16> Tom Colons

15> Creme de Kaopectate

14> Slippery Rectum

13> Pan-Galactic Colon Blaster

12> Tekillya Bum-wise

11> Bum Runner

10> Gin and Colonic

9> Dingleberry Daiquiri

8> Butt Nog

7> Stink Lady

6> Assmopolitan

5> Harvey Stallbanger

4> Long Island Assed Tea

3> B-50 Stool

2> Prison Sex on the Beach


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Name for an Enema Cocktail...


1> Brandy Exlaxander



v v v v v



"Hillary Clinton has proposed that 5,000 dollars be given to every
baby born in America. Five thousand dollars! Here's a chance for
Kevin Federline to make some real money. He could get 30, 40 grand
right there."



Jay Leno



v v v v v



 
 
 
 
 
   Click here: Tips for Using Your Laptop in Hot, Warm Weather
  http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DpO
   It’s that time of year again in North America where temperatures climb and weather
becomes erratic. Add to that the possibility of power outages and you have new
challenges to face when using your laptop. Take care in warm and hot weather to follow
these tips to ensure you use your laptop safely and don’t have any problems with it.

*Even though it's cooler weather now, this is a handy tip to remember
     
 

v v v v v



Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient
Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to
their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.

Says one: "We don't seem to be having much luck."

The other replies: "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard
to find!"



v v v v v



Top Ten Signs Hillary Clinton is Getting Cocky


10. Already selected her victory pantsuit

9. Canceled today's campaign appearances; Went to see "Good
Luck Chuck."

8. Spent most of the last debate listening to her iPod -- just
a reminder: The new iPod Touch is now in stock at your local
Apple store.

7. Hired Faith Hill to beat up women who've hit on Bill.

6. Assembled a Las Vegas crew to steal her football memorabilia

5. Calling Giuliani during speeches to say she loves him.

4. Already issuing memos about putting White House toilet seats
down -- the ladies know what I'm talking about!

3. Responds to difficult questions with, "Oh no you didn't!"

2. Greeted Obama yesterday by saying, "Wanna be my bitch?"

1. Told Bill he can start dating again.



v v v v v

 
 
 
 
 
  *submitted by*
DeVulcano
~*~  Your Friendship ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/yourfriendshipkbdl.html

*submitted by*
wmccarte@bigpond.au.net
Smiles  and Hugs
http://www.mamarocks.com/smiles_and_hugs.htm
Sweet site for your friends

 
 
v v v v v

 

"Last night, President Bush had dinner with a group of Muslims at
the White House and he quoted the prophet Mohammed. There was an
awkward moment when Bush referred to Mohammed as "the greatest
boxer of all time."



Conan O'Brien



v v v v v



What's a blonde's idea of natural childbirth?

No makeup.



v v v v v



  We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York
  to California and were looking for a place to spend the night.
  At four different motels, however, we were told,
                "Sorry, no vacancies."

     Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked
     solemnly,  "Mom, are we vacancies?"



v v v v v







v v v v v



"In Ohio, two Wal-Mart employees got married in their store's lawn
and garden section. Then the wedding was consummated in homes
and furnishings"



Conan O'Brien



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net



A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing. A sign
read: "Don't Miss The Amazing Italian".

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big Top, in
the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to
it was an old Italian. Suddenly, the old man dropped his pants, whipped out.
his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty
swings! The crowd erupted in applause  and the elderly Italian was
carried off on their shoulders.

Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the
same circus and saw the same faded sign that read, "Don't Miss The
Amazing Italian".  He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much
less still doing his act!

He bought a ticket. Again, the center ring was illuminated. This time,
however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Italian stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed
the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible!" he told the Italian, "But I have to know something.
I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts. Why the switch from
walnuts to coconuts?"

"Well," said the Italian, "My eyes aren't what they used to be."*



v v v v v



SKILLET RIBEYE STEAK  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
2 rib eye steaks cut 1-inch thick (approx 1 lb)  
1 tablespoon olive oil  
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice  
2 tablespoons crumbled feta cheese  
1 tablespoon chopped Kalamatra olives  

Seasoning:  
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder  
1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil leaves  
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano  
1/2 teaspoon salt  
1/8 teaspoon pepper  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine seasonings and press on both sides of beef. In  
a nonstick skillet heat oil over medium heat till hot.  
Cook steaks in skillet, turning once. 10 to 15 minutes  
for medium rare. sprinkle with lemon juice. to serve,  
sprinkle with feta and olives.  

Yield: 2-4 Servings  



v v v v v


 
 
 
 
Best Used Luxury Cars - AOL Autos
http://autos.aol.com/article/general/v2/_a/best-used-luxury-cars/20070831091609990001

Nothing crushes the luxury car ownership experience like basting in your 
own sweat as you make a desperate call to a local tow company while cars whiz
past you on the freeway. Your land yacht, purchased for a steal as a used car, 
suddenly became nothing more than a comfy set of leather seats with a good view
of the highway divider. You might as well have bought a new car by the time 
you're done paying penance to get it back on the road.

Fortunately we live in an era where there's a glut of used luxury cars on the market. They 
boast solid engineering to carry them well beyond the wear and tear their 
original owners put them through. To craft the perfect list of best used luxury 
cars, we poured through data from J.D. Power and Associates and Consumer Reports
to find luxury cars with the fewest problems reported by owners over the past 
five years



v v v v v


 
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life
been for you?" Ed asked.

"Not too good," Ted replied.  "My first wife died of cancer, my second
wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and
took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my
daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying
aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had
to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an
incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust."

"Shit, that sounds terrible", Ed said.  "What business were you in?"

"I sell good luck charms," said Ted.
 


v v v v v



At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the
perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining
light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay
home at night!"

A cynical male listener overheard and spoke up, "Lady, what you really
want is a television set!"

 
 
v v v v v


 
 
 
   Click here: BigOven - Free Software Downloads and Software Reviews - Download.com
  http://www.download.com/BigOven/3000-2126_4-10259826.html
  BigOven recipe software is an easy new way for you to discover great recipes,
organize your collection, and share your recipes online with others. Only BigOven gives
you one-click, instant access to more than 160,000 recipes via our searchable
online recipe archive. Just choose your recipes, import them with a single click,
drag and drop them onto a shopping list, and get a printed grocery list in seconds. Drag
recipe cards onto a meal calendar to plan your coming days, weeks, or months.
Capture recipes from other text files and Web sites with point-and-click functionality.
Get nutritional values such as calories, carbohydrates, or fats, from any recipe.
An unlimited number of keywords makes organization and quick access easy. Add photos
to any recipe. Import files in MMF, MXP, MX2, Cook'n, and other recipe formats. Free
Palm OS and Windows Mobile companions let you bring
your recipes and shopping lists with you.
 
 
   Click here: ArchiTech - Free Software Downloads and Software Reviews - Download.com
  http://msn-cnet.com.com/ArchiTech/3000-2054_4-10462885.html?part=msn-cnet&subj=dl&tag=green
   Use this powerful but easy to use program to do an accurate energy audit of your
home or business. It pinpoints many effective ways to reduce your utility bills.
There are sample projects and a free 100 page book BTU Bill's Guide to Energy Conservation
to help you get the most out of the analysis. The program has a weather database
of 200 U.S. and 150 cities overseas. This program calculates exactly how much energy
you can save on common projects like increasing roof insulation, installing new siding
or double paned windows, or changing the color of the roof or outside walls.
The program has been approved for energy audits of hospitals by the Texas State Energy
Conservation office, the largest energy conservation organization in the world.
 
   Click here: Sleepy - Free Software Downloads and Software Reviews - Download.com
  http://msn-cnet.com.com/Sleepy/3000-2344_4-10058235.html?part=msn-cnet&subj=dl&tag=green
  Sleepy Auto-Shutdown Software feature highlights: turns off computer at a set time
on specific days of the week; tamper resistant and easy to use; can prevent computer
use all night after shut down; shuts down even if no user is logged on or workstation
is locked; password protection prevents unauthorized changes; sets computer clock
from Internet to prevent cheating; locks computer to prevent
access but allow programs to run.
 
 
 
  v v v v v



Scientists Decode the First Message
From an Alien Civilization:


Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at
the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your Star
System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems.
Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive enough hydrogen
to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum!
IT REALLY WORKS!
 
 

v v v v v



A cousin of mine invited us over to his new house for a winter  
barbeque a couple of weeks ago. At one point I saw him looking  
at a picture of my uncle, his father, who had died just after  
my cousin graduated college some twenty-two years ago. I stood  
silently looking at him looking at the picture.  

"He was a good father," said my cousin.  

"Yep, yep," I replied. "You know, I don't know too many boys  
who were so open with their love for their fathers. I see it  
in a lot of girls, but not the boys..."  

"You think so?" he asked.  

"Yeah," I said remembering Psych 101, "must be that whole  
Oedipal thing."  

"Well," he laughed, "I certainly never wanted to screw my mother..."  

"I know," I said matter of factly. "Neither did your father.  
That's probably why you guys got along so well."  



v v v v v

 

 
 
 
   Click here: Folk Songs - How to Get That Folk Song Out of Your Head
  http://folkmusic.about.com/od/tipsforpros/ht/GetRidofSong.htm
  It happens to the best of us. We're just going about our business, doing our jobs,
or taking care of the kids or the pets, when all of a sudden we hear Janis Joplin in
the back of our head singing, "Take another little piece of my heart, now darlin'."
It's never even the whole song that gets stuck in there. It's usually just one line that
repeats over and over, like a hiccup, until something makes us forget about
it. With folk music, this can be particularly hard because we don't even know
who wrote the darn thing half the time. Well here's a surefire way to
get that song out of your head, or your money back.
 
   Click here: Summer of Love Turns 40
  http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DrF
  Flower power and psychedilia reigned
  In spite of (or, perhaps, because of) the prevailing social and cultural upheaval,
and the growing generational divide between the hippies and anybody over
the age of 30, the summer of 1967 came to be known as the Summer of Love.
Rock music in the summer of ’67 reflected the growing conflict in Viet Nam,
the drug experimentation of the counterculture, and the ongoing civil rights struggles.
 
   Click here: Top 10 Songs of 1989
  http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DrH
   Here’s a musical look at the last calendar year of the ‘80s, a time during
which much pop music was already in the process of saying goodbye to the
previous decade. From the changing state of R&B and hip-hop to the rise of alternative
rock to the earliest signs of grunge, 1989 served as a transitional year, to be sure,
but it also pumped out some memorably high-quality tunes.
     
 
 
   v v v v v


   
Last week it was like a tuberculosis ward around here. Half the
people in the office were coughing clouds of infection into the
enclosed air for days, refusing to take any sick time, of course. I
held out longer than I expected, but I finally succumbed.

I swam in the sewage contaminated water of Lake Michigan at least
half a dozen times this summer, I actually ate food at the Taste
of Chicago, and Lord knows where that had been, I even rode my
motorcycle five miles home one night in a torrential downpour,
and nothing managed to get me sick until I got locked up with these
walking incubators. It's been like working in a petri dish around
here lately.

So I'm going home early today to soak my head in some hot salt water.



v v v v v



Chinese words for a vagina: Tongue chow  

Chinese words for a smelly vagina: Tongue chow yuck  



v v v v v



One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were  
being introduced to other members and shown around. The man  
leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair  
by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some  
hunting stories you'll never forget."  

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story.  

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting  
expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days  
without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had  
to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down,  
propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how  
long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes.  
I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I’d ever  
seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR!!!  
...........I tell you, I just shit my pants."  

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't  
blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out  
at me."  

The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then,  
just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"  



v v v v v





Aha! Jokes >  Cartoons > The Drunk Pumpkin
http://www.ahajokes.com/crt775.html


Aha! Jokes > Cartoons >  How Witches Travel
http://www.ahajokes.com/crt675.html



  v v v v v



Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating


10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 

8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balanceand fall over. 

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. 

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. 

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. 

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. 



v v v v v

 


*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Rockin  Memories
http://www.mamarocks.com/rockin_memories.htm
Remembering the old days

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
Live A Life That  Matters
http://susie1114.com/LiveALife.html
A very special site --- live a life that matters

*sumitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
Christmas Countdowns
http://siggiez.com/countdownz/ch/index2.cgi

Phone Salesman Amazes Crowd - Paul Potts
http://www.maniacworld.com/Phone-Salesman-Amazes-Crowd.html
This is worth watching over and over -- at least I did AND it brought tears to my eyes!

Silent Era : The  silent film website
http://www.silentera.com/index.html
The American movie industry is a big business. It generates billions of 
dollars each year. And new movies open every weekend. So, when you think
of movies, you probably think of current blockbusters. But what about older movies?
No, I don’t mean movies from the 1980s. I’m not even talking about movies
from the '40s. I’m referring to movies before the age of “talkies.” You know
what I’m talking about: the silent era!
Movies debuted more than 100 years ago. And, despite their lack of sound,
they were cutting-edge for their time.   kkomando.com

Current Weather and  forecast - SimpleWeather
http://www.simpleweather.com/
SimpleWeather.com is an easy-to-use, no nonsense weather site. We give you
exactly what you're looking for: the weather. No portals, maps, crazy geo stuff, 
or travel forecasts. SimpleWeather is designed to be extremely helpful and fast. 
Our goal is to provide you the weather as easily and quickly as possible.
We  like to keep it, well, simple.

Home | Galaxy Zoo
http://www.galaxyzoo.org/
Welcome to GalaxyZoo, the project which harnesses the power of the internet - and your
brain - to classify a  million galaxies. By taking part, you'll not only be contributing to
scientific research, but you'll view parts of the Universe that literally no-one has ever 
seen before and get a sense of the glorious diversity of galaxies that pepper the sky.

Translator Beta
http://translator.live.com/
Are you fluent in 11 languages? Can you translate between these languages quickly? 
I suspect most people only know a few languages at most. And translating
between them would be a bit of a struggle. Microsoft Live has recently launched a test version of its
Translator service. It will translate from English to one of 11 languages. It can also  translate
between some of these languages. Simply select the language translation you’d like.
Then, enter the text in  the original box. You’ll get your translation in seconds.
You can also translate Web pages!!

The Cartoonist Group - Image View and Uses
http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/store/add.php?iid=15082



v v v v v

 
 
"There's an article in Parade magazine encouraging Ben Affleck to
run for president. That would mean the first lady would be Matt Damon."



Craig Ferguson



v v v v v


 
According to a recent study, people
can get sex education by watching TV.

Here's the news story:
     http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/parenting/11/03/tv.sex.ap



The Top 15 Signs Your Partner
                 Learned About Sex by Watching TV


15> Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes
    of telling you what's on her Christmas list.

14> Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned
    laugh-track.

13> He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.

12> The promised "wacky hijinks" when you get back to her place
    are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.

11> Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, "Tonight, on
    a very special 'Pecker'...."

10> Always gives a wide-eyed "Well, gollllyyy!" when you take off
    your bra and a "SHAZAM!" for the panties.

9> Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.

8> He won't finish until you say "It's a good thing" while
    arranging a doily on his chest.

7> To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.

6> Shouts "D'OH!!" every time he ejaculates prematurely.

5> She always wants you to guess which room she's naked in, but
    if you pick the wrong door, you're stuck with a farm animal.

4> The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom
    right corner.

3> He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent:
    "Crikey!  Now, this position is *really* dangerous...."

2> "It's not an affair, honey, it's a spin-off."


               and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your
            Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV...


1> Makes you wait until next week for the exciting climax.
   


v v v v v






 
  v v v v v



"Former 'Law & Order' star Fred Thompson appeared in his first
presidential debate last night. Political experts called him
'uneven, flat, and dull.' In other words, Thompson was the highlight
of the debate."


Conan O'Brien



v v v v v



Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and
her husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they
should become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on
the prayer list.

So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole
congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a
decision about the missionary position."



v v v v v



"According to Forbes magazine, the richest woman in China is a
26-year-old woman. Know what she does?

She sells lead paint"



Jay Leno



v v v v v


 
 
 
 
    Acapulco Dream Cream
  1 oz Tequila    
  1 tbsp Cinnamon    
  2 oz Orange Juicd
  1/2 oz Coconut Cream
  Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker
half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well,
and pour into a cocktail glass.
Dust with cinnamon, and serve.
 
  
Fuck Me Running
  1/3 oz. Peach Schnapps   
1/3 oz. Blackberry Brandy   
1/3 oz. Jack Daniel's®   
  Shake with ice and strain into a shot glass.   

        

v v v v v


What am I doing wrong?


Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year.
I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I
don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives?
Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average
around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000
won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who
was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's
not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing
right?  How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate?  Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop
dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the
story there?

- Jobs I should look out for?  Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out?  Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810





THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:


I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple
a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what
you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I
bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade
and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very
likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that
you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins
in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a
buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn't make good business
sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease.

In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my
money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need
an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets.
So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and
then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.


NOTICE:  You cannot bind, alter or cancel
coverage without speaking to an authorized representative of CRC/Southern
Cross. Coverage cannot be bound without written confirmation from an authorized
representative of CRC/Southern Cross.  This email and any files
transmitted with it are not encrypted and may contain privileged or other
confidential information and is intended solely for the use of the individual
or entity to whom they are addressed.  If you are not the intended
recipient or entity, or believe that you may have received this email in error,
please reply to the sender indicating that fact and delete the copy you
received. In addition, you should not print, copy, retransmit, disseminate, or
otherwise use this information.  Thank you.



v v v v v








v v v v v

 
  PUMPKIN SOUP  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 large onion, chopped  
1/2 pound of bacon, chopped  
One 15-ounce can of pumpkin puree  
1 cup water  
2 cups apple cider  
1/4 cup brown sugar  
4 cubes chicken bouillon  
1 apple, chopped  
salt, to taste  
2 teaspoons white pepper  
1/3 cup crystallized ginger, chopped  

DIRECTIONS:  
Saute lightly onion and bacon in large pot. Add pumpkin,  
water, apple cider, brown sugar, chicken bouillon, apple,  
salt, white pepper, and crystallized ginger to the pot.  
Cover and simmer for 1 hour. Stir frequently. Blend to  
thicken in blender-size batches. Serve with a dallop of  
sour cream.  

Categories: Soups  



v v v v v



                 The Top 8 Veterinarian Proverbs                 


8> Car velocity killed the cat.

7> Never bite the hand that heals you.

6> Slow and steady takes the temperature.

5> A bird in the hand is worth $200/hr.

4> 'tis better to have gloved and lost than to never have gloved at all.

3> A fool and his monkey are soon parted.

2> Never poke a gift horse in the ass.


    and the Number 1 Veterinarian Proverb...


1> There's more than one way to scan a cat.



v v v v v



 

  by deb
 
 
Life on The Refrigerator Door
by Alice Kuipers

 
"Claire and her mother are running out of time, but they don't know it. Not yet.
Claire is wrapped up with the difficulties of her bourgeoning adulthood—boys,
school, friends, identity; Claire's mother, a single mom, is rushed off her feet both at
work and at home. They rarely find themselves in the same room at the
same time, and it often seems that the only thing they can count on are notes
to each other on the refrigerator door. When home is threatened by a crisis, their
relationship experiences a momentous change.  Forced to reevaluate the delicate
balance between their personal lives and their bond as mother and daughter,
Claire and her mother find new love and devotion for one another
deeper than anything they had ever imagined"

Heartfelt, touching, and unforgettable, Life on the Refrigerator Door is a glimpse into the
lives of mothers and daughters everywhere. In this deepl  touching novel told through a
series of notes written from a loving mother and her devoted fifteen-year-old
daughter, it is moving and rich with emotion. 

I enjoyed it -- short and sweet, so to speak


 
  v v v v v

 

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been
a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept
on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said,  "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven
together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even 
people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on
  her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything 
okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The
pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have
been sending over are delicious!"



v v v v v



Is a misspelling on a tombstone a grave mistake? 



v v v v v



Two gays got into a heated argument, with one of them saying,
"Well, you can kiss my ass!"

The other one blurted out, "This is no time to talk about romance, Bitch!"



v v v v v

 
 
 
 
   Click here: WindowsSecrets.com
  http://windowssecrets.com/reviews/security-baseline/
   A minimum of three products are necessary to give your PC comprehensive
protection against hackers. These are (1) a hardware firewall, (2) a software
security suite, and (3) a patch-management solution to stay current with patches.
We don't operate a test lab and don't rate products. Instead, we summarize,
below, the top ratings of trusted reviewers.
 
  -o-
 
  Thank security software gurus McAfee for confirming what most of us had come 
to believe: searching on the Internet can be dangerous to your computer's  health.
The company recently launched a survey under its "SiteAdvisor" division,
and some of the results are startling.
  According to McAfee, searches for the following: "digital music", "tech  toys", and "to
do online" returned some very shady websites. McAfee says that  between 35% to as
many as half of the domains popping up with these search terms  are considered "risky",
whether entered into Google, Yahoo!, MSN, or any other  search engine.
                  
  As you might expect, terms associated with illegal activity show the most  dangerous
results. Although just 4% of all sites are considered risky, web users  need to be
careful what they search for. Terms like Kazaa and Limewire (popular  file sharing protocols)
returned 35% and 37% risky sites, respectively. (Source:  _pcworld.com_
(http://blogs.pcworld.com/staffblog/archives/004550.html) )
  McAfee has also released another study, this one finding that about 7% of all 
sponsored links should be considered a threat. For those who don't know,  sponsored
links are those that line the right side of a Google search. They're  placed on that half
of the screen by paying companies, and not all have good  intentions while being there.
  Despite the worrisome numbers, McAfee has discovered that such threatening 
pages are actually down from one year ago. At this time in 2006, the security 
company discovered some 8.5% of sponsored links to prove risky, meaning there 
have been some "improvements in paid search safety." (Source: washingtonpost.com0
 
 
 
  v v v v v

 

Eager to make her mark in the world of business, the attractive
new MBA took a job as executive assistant to the middle aged owner
of a fast-growing computer software company.

She found the work challenging and the travel interesting, but was
extremely annoyed by her boss's tendency to treat her in public as
though she were his girlfriend rather than a professional associate.

This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would
insist on ordering for her, and on calling her "dearest" or
"darling" within earshot of the waiters.

When she told him how much it bothered her, he promised to stop,
but the patronizing behavior continued.

Finally, as he led her into a four-star restaurant, she took
matters into her own hands.

"Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" he asked, with a wink
at the maitre'd.

"Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad."



v v v v v



One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife
had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked.

His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much
she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc.

Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer
with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?"

She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me
if I would marry you again!"

As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry
me again?"

Without hesitation, she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."



v v v v v


 
 
 
   Click here: What's your Biggest Grilling Problem?
  http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aBC
  Raw chicken, burnt burgers or raging flare-ups, we have all had problems
with some grilling project from time to time. It just can't be avoided sometimes,
but it can be minimized. Too many bad cookouts lead to unused cooking equipment.
After all, sometimes enough is enough. What I want to do is help you have a
good experience with your outdoor cooking. So this week's question is:
 
   Click here: Mashed Potato Desserts
  http://www.momsmenu.com/frugal/mashed_potato_desserts.shtml
   Chocolate potato cake - wow
 
   Click here: Crab Cakes & Seafood Online - Phillips Seafood by Mail
  http://www.crabcakes.com/
  Lots and lots of seafood you can order!
 


v v v v v

 
 
  CHOW DOWN CHILI  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 pound ground beef  
1 cup chopped onion  
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper  
2 1/2 tablespoons chili powder  
1 clove garlic, minced  
1 bay leaf  
1 jalapeno pepper, chopped  
1 can tomatoes, chopped, undrained, (28 ounces)  
1 can tomato sauce, (14 ounces)  
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin  
1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram  
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme  
1 can chili beans or kidney beans, undrained, (15 ounces)  

DIRECTIONS:  
Cook first 3 ingredients in a large saucepan until meat is  
browned, stirring until it crumbles; drain. Add chili powder  
and next 8 ingredients, stirring well; bring to a boil. Cover,  
reduce heat, and simmer, stirring occasionally, 1 hour and 30  
minutes to 2 hours. Add beans, stirring well, and cook until  
thoroughly heated.  

Yield: 6 Servings  
 
 

v v v v v



Mary: So I told my ex, "You just don't arouse me!"

Jill: Well, that's pretty forthright! What did he say?

Mary: He said, "Well, maybe you have a dry well!"

Jill: OOH!

Mary: It was all right. I told him, "Maybe you need a new drill!"



v v v v v



 
 
  If you're a Mac user, you've probably used their Safari Web browser before, right?
I mean, it is one of the best for those kinds of computers, so why wouldn't you? But what
if you're a Windows user? Wouldn't it be nice if you could have the chance to experience
Safari too? Well, if that's what you've been waiting on, you don't have to wait
any longer. Keep reading for all the details!

  Early last week, Apple launched a beta version of Safari that is made specifically
for Windows. It will now be going head to head with other popular Windows browsers
like Internet Explorer, Firefox and Opera. A download for the test version of Safari is now
available for Windows XP and Vista. Safari is known for being one of the fastest Web browsers
for Macs and Apple is hoping to bring that same experience to Windows users as well.

  When talking about Safari for Windows, Apple chief executive Steve Jobs said, "We think
Windows users are going to be really impressed when they see how fast and intuitive
Web browsing can be with Safari." Awhile back, Apple introduced iTunes to Windows and it
had great success. They're hoping to do the same with Safari. So, if you're interested
in trying out the test version of Safari for yourself, you can download it right here. Just
select the download option you want and then click on the "Download Safari 3 Beta" button.
That's all you have to do. Now, go on and give this a try. You never know, Safari
might just be the Web browser you've been waiting for!


Erin
worldstart.com
 

 
  v v v v v

 

Nina and Rosey were talking about their sex lives and Nina said that
her new boyfriend always wants to perform cunnilingus, all the time.

"Wow," said Rosey, "You are really lucky, but if you want to
prevent him from doing that, just rub a little garlic down there."

Nina said, "I tried that already, and the next night he came to
bed with some bread, olive oil, and a head of lettuce."



v v v v v



In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup,
a gynecologist struck up a casual conversation with his patient.

After noticing the label on her sandals read "Hecho en Mexico,"
he asked his patient,

"So when were you in Mexico?"

Flabbergasted, the patient asked, "You can tell I was in Mexico
from a pelvic exam?!"



v v v v v


 
v v v v v

 

I called my 7-year old son to dinner last night, telling him that
it was almost ready.

"Just a sec," he said.

Five minutes passed.

"Dinnertime," I told him.

"Just a sec," he said.

"No more," I told him. "I warned you a few minutes ago."

Silence, as he continued working on whatever project he was working
on. I reached over and took it away from him. "No more secs means
NO MORE SECS."

As I spoke the words, I realized I sounded just like my wife.

  
   
v v v v v



I'm not sure whether my wife was irked by my using too much foaming oil when I drew her
        surprise romantic bath, or that the Bubble Chick I sculpted while waiting
        for her had a bigger rack than she did.



v v v v v







v v v v v



Signs Your Mobile Home is Haunted


1. Your can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.

2.  Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.

3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

4. The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet.

5. That car in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by itself.

6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'.

7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards?  The Telltale Raccoon.

8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet.

9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.

10. The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight.

11. Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin.

13.  Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart."

14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib -- no
wait,  that's just Jimmy.

15. You hear strange moaning - but only during Shania Twain videos.

16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee.

17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail.

19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what
you did at the  last NASCAR race."

20. Instead of saying "Boo," the ghost says "Boo-ya'll!"

21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin ... and he's taking a leak on YOU!

22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have
pictures of covered bridges on them.

23. The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems
that eerily resemble your own.

24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because Richard Simmons is on TV.

25. You come home one day and it's ...  clean!



v v v v v

 
Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
 
 

  v v v v v



"Congress has been having hearings this week concerning the
increasing number of late airline flights. Congress said they
may have to intervene in order to help the airlines improve. And
really, who better than Congress to show you how to make your
business run more efficiently?"



Jay Leno



v v v v v

 

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS


An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the
remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver,
"I have a dead pussy."

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said,
"Sit with my wife.  You two have a lot in common." 



v v v v v



"Hillary Clinton is a money-making machine. She is a fund-
raising juggernaut. Here's what she made: $80 million so far this
year. $80 million! It's amazing, isn't it? Here's how it breaks
down: $30 million for advertising, $50 million for pantsuits"



David Letterman



v v v v v



Halloween Survival Guide


*When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

*If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetary, was once a church used
for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in
some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices
in your house, move away immediately.

*Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

*Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

*If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should
not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them 
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably
take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

*When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

*As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

*Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb,
crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

*If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that
it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

*If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

*Do not take *anything* from the dead.

*If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

*Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

*If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more
if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running
and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

*If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing,
fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, 
get away from them as fast as possible.

*Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here:
Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one),
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

*If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for  help.



  v v v v v



 
 
 
   Click here: How to Add an Image to Your Windows Mail or
Outlook Express Signature - About Email
  http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=email&cdn=compute&tm=31&gps=
261_361_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu
=http%3A//email.about.com/cs/oetipstricks/qt/et121503.htm

  Once you've mastered HTML formatting in your signature in Windows Mail or Outlook Express,
adding an animation to it is the streusel topping the adding of which is a piece of cake.
All you really need is a nice animated gif to include in your signature
 
 

v v v v v



At a wedding ceremony that I was performing, I raised my hand to
give the final blessing.

The bride misunderstood my gesture and surprised me with a high-five.

Not wanting to exclude the groom, I offered him a high-five, too.

I was finally able to get my blessing in, amid the laughter of the guests.



v v v v v







v v v v v


20 Funny Things To Do On Halloween


    1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump
out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!"
Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters.
When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you
got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters
come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell,
"Surprise!!!"  Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure
out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes
an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't
move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it
out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and
scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and 
runaround the house, screaming until they go away.

10. Insist that  the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups
before you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their
candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at 
anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing
through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment,
pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that
the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the
trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy
bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few
seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch.
Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door,
and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters.
Slam the door when you're finished.




v v v v v









v v v v v



H A L L O W E E N  Definitions


Bobbing Apples:  What happens when you leave your bra off while running.

Boogieman: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.

Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.

Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.

Goblin: How you eat the Snickers bars you got for Halloween.

Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."

Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.

Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.

Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.

Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.

Skeleton: Any supermodel.

Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.

Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."

Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee.



v v v v v



"It's fall - harvest festival time! I've only grown one plant in my
life, and I'd rather not talk about it... for legal reasons."



Craig Ferguson



v v v v v

 
 
 
 

  Choosing a Parisian Hotel
   Dummies::Choosing a Parisian Hotel
  Choosing a Parisian Hotel
  [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-5
167.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature ]
 
  Part of the fun of traveling to Paris is waking up in a new place
  with unlimited opportunities for exploring! If this is your first
  trip to Paris, your expectations about what a hotel room should
  look like may be based on what you have seen in your own country.
  More [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-5
167.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature ]
 


v v v v v



CURRIED PUMPKIN BISQUE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
Olive oil or canola oil  
1 medium white onion (diced)  
1 garlic clove diced  
2 cups pumpkin puree  
4 cups chicken stock  
Bay leaf  
Pinch sugar  
1/3 tsp curry powder, or to your taste  
Pinch nutmeg  
2 cups half-and-half  
Salt and pepper  
Toasted coconut  

DIRECTIONS:  
Slowly saute onion and garlic in oil until transparent, about  
5 minutes. Add pumpkin puree and chicken stock, bay leaf,  
sugar, curry, nutmeg and mix well. Bring to boil, then lower  
heat to simmer. Cook 20 - 30 minutes. Taste for seasoning.  
Add half-and-half and simmer another 10 minutes. Remove from  
heat and cool. Blend in batches in blender. Strain through a  
fine strainer. Reheat gently, and serve with toasted coconut.  

Yield: 4 Servings  



v v v v v





Apple - Web apps iPhone
http://www.apple.com/webapps/whatarewebapps.html

Tons and tons of cool web apps for the iPhone - I am loving them!
Ringtones now as well  -   yay!!



v v v v v



Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before
Marrying Michael Jackson


10. "Are OJ Simpson, Phil Spector and Robert Blake spoken for?"

9. "Does the hyperbaric chamber fit two?"

8. "Technically, is Michael the bride or the groom?"

7. "Is the best man a llama?"

6. "Will it bother me when he uses my make-up?"

5. "If I do this, which one of us will people call 'the crazy one'?"

4. "Can I put up with being a 'football widow' during the NFL season?"

3. "What would Liza Minnelli do?"

2. "Will he let me raise our monkeys Jewish?"

1. "How long can I put off consummating this thing?"



v v v v v
 
 
 
   Click here: Online Games and Gaming News, Previews & Reviews - AOL RED
  http://teens.aol.com/games
  Games -- and so much more
 
   Click here: Themagical.nl :: Simulations, choose your game
  http://sims.themagical.nl/
  You are in control of these Disneyland rides: Tower of Terror, Space Mountain,
Big Thunder Mountain and Phantom Manor.
  It's like playing The Sims. You control the gates, the rides,
and do some maintenance if needed.
 
   Click here: Joytube.com - Trivial Blitz
  http://www.joytube.com/trivial-blitz/
  This is pretty tough
 
   Click here: mental_floss Quiz of the Day
  http://www.mentalfloss.com/trivia/quizzes/?quiz=3276
   Feeling smart today?
STACKOPOLIS : "The most addictive game since Tetris!"
http://www.stackopolis.com/stacktower/index.html


 
  v v v v v


 
"A new poll of Democratic voters in Iowa has found that senior
citizens prefer Hillary Clinton. Unfortunately for Hillary,
the seniors still rank her third behind apple sauce and creamed spinach."



Conan O'Brien



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net



Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he
pays a visit to a sex shop for a remedy.  The clerk hands him a little purple
can and says, "This is Stay-Hard spray...put on a little and you can go all night!"

Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and waits eagerly for bedtime.
Later that night, he sprays some on his member and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his
utter disappointment, however, the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.

The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily
slammed the can down on the counter, and snaps, "This stuff makes me worse than before!"

Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, "I don't suppose you hid this
stuff on your basement shelf, did you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir...  this is Easy-Off"



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net






v v v v v


 
*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com


Q:  Why don't witches wear panties?

A: So they can get a better grip on the broom!



v v v v v



*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com


A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party.

She got a terrible headache and told her husband to
go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said
she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his
good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after  sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still
early, she decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her  costume was,
she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to  see how he acted when
she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon  spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor,
dancing with every  nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
  His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left  his partner
high and dry and devoted his time to the new chick that had just  arrived. She let him go
as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her  husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed,  so off they went
to one of the cars and had a "quickie." Just before unmasking  at midnight, she slipped
away, went home, put the costume away and got into  bed, wondering what kind of explanation
he would make for his behavior.

She  was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he
had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when 
you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll  tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill
  and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But 
you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume  to......."



v v v v v






Underdeveloped country, my ass!
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So much for safe sex
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He's about to have a BAD BAD day!
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Death row...
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Back in an hour
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School of Languages
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Great Scot!
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Agreed to a secret?
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Seven dwarfs of menopause
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Sex test with answer below!
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Fly'ing' sex!
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'ex's picture intimidating?
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Here!



v v v v v



  Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
  to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
  systems and other variables beyond our control
 

 
  v v v v v
 
 
 
  Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
  here next week, same time - same place
 
  but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
  never,
  ever,
  EVER
  forget to
 
  keep on rockin'
  it's a state of mind
 
 
 
  v v v v v
 
  ©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
 
  v v v v v




 
 

 

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