Rockin' and Rollin'

Editor:   DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:   DebsSweet

*SNIFF*

One of my adorable Chihuahuas, Lily, had emergency surgery 12 days ago. She
ingested a lot of the stuffing out of a stuffed animal -- and it was one
for pets! Long story short, she finally came home and has continued to vomit
every single day -- I have been in constant contact with the vet who suggested
I bring her back in tonight. No fever and she feels great so maybe she'll
be ok! I am poorer by $2150 and now the price is going to go up. They are
talking about a CT scan. If you believe in prayer, I would sure appreciate
you remembering little Lily.

Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

"Recent R & R was 1st class as always.
*hugs*"
afk.ark@tiscali.co.uk

v v v v v

Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I think,
"There are a lot of people much worse off than I."
You'd be surprised how comforting it can be to know that
someone somewhere is suffering.

v v v v v

"Arnold Schwarzenegger got together with Al Gore for a climate
change summit. Even though he's a Republican and Al Gore's a
Democrat, it's good they could talk robot to robot. Two cyborgs connecting."

Jay Leno

v v v v v

Windows Vista's Permission Messages

After 20 years of Windows development, Vista's still pretty
naive. For example, when you run a program to change settings on
your PC, Vista can't tell whether you're loading the
program or a virus is loading it in an attempt to mess with your PC.

Vista's solution? When Vista notices anybody (or anything)
trying to open something that can potentially harm Windows or
your PC, it flashes a message asking for permission.

If one of these permission messages appears out of the blue,
Vista may be warning you about a bit of nastiness trying to sneak
in. So click Cancel to deny it permission. But if you're
trying to do something specific with your PC and Vista puts up
its guard, click Continue instead. Vista drops the boxing gloves
and lets you in.

Or, if you don't hold an Administrator account, track down
any Administrator account holder and ask her to type her password.

Yes, an annoyingly dimwitted security-guard robot polices
Vista's front door, but it's also an extra challenge
for the people who write the viruses.

Vista's permission screens are called User Account Protection.

Take a look at all the insight and information in Windows Vista
For Dummies by Andy Rathbone.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
STLLRNING7

HOW TO DRIVE IN FLORIDA:

1. You must first learn to pronounce
the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 8:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is
expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run
you off the road while giving you the finger.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic
rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the
trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved
around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make
the next day's driving a bit more exciting

8. Hollywood Blvd and Pines is the same road although some call it Pembroke Pines
Rd, which then gets confused with Pembroke Road which is just one traffic light
over. Hallandale Beach Blvd is the same as Miramar Parkway which is not a
parkway at all. And if that isn't enough to remember Arvida Parkway which is
also not a parkway at all has been renamed Royal Palm Blvd not to be mixed up
with the Royal Palm Blvd located in Margate and Coral Springs (Which turns into
Copan's in Coconut Creek).

9. Of course there is some confusion when you get to McNab as to where it starts
and where it ends. And more than several hundred people have run through the
barricades of Hiatus Road which dead ends flat off a major intersection.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately
to let them know it has been accidentally activated.

11. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line
off or better yet --- run them off the road.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

v v v v v

Raleigh Travel Guide – Raleigh, North Carolina Events, Attractions,
Accommodations and More
http://visitraleigh.com/index.html
Raleigh is the largest of the cities that compose the
North Carolina's Research Triangle (Raleigh, Durham,
Chapel Hill). It's an area that's been characterized
as full of "trees, tees, and Ph.D's."

Raleigh is Old South and New South, down-home and up-
scale, all in one. The city has agrarian roots in both
farming and mining, but today Raleigh thrives on high-
tech industries, government (it's the state capital),
education, service industries, research, and medicine.
In addition to North Carolina State, there are six
other universities and colleges in town.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
STLLRNING7

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a
beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said,
"No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his
special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only
$40,000" the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check.
I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can
call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

v v v v v

"Halo 3 came out today. It's an online video game, which means
while you're playing, you get to meet other Halo fans from all
over the world and kill them."

Jimmy Kimmel

v v v v v

The Joy Of Owning Dick

A penis is a splendid thing; you ladies should be jealous.
An organ with such lovely skin, it's smooth and mostly hairless.

It starts to grow so quickly when a guy's about thirteen,
His testicles on either side, his willy in between.

It dangles neatly down below; it's softly warm and loyal.
But at the slightest hint of lust, it's ready to uncoil.

It seems to have a mind all of its own; it's like an untamed beast,
It squirms and writhes and stretches out, just when you 'spect it least.

Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves, erecting when it shouldn't.
A bumpy train ride sets it off, and then I wish it wouldn't.

During summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach,
A glimpse of wobbly boobs or bums will make it squirm and reach.

But handle it with love and care, for it will give great pleasure.
I often check if it has grown - now when did I last measure?

Some men will fret about their size: they give it lots of thought;
Is seven inches long enough? It makes them quite distraught.

They sneak a look in toilets, wondering what they'll see,
But if another glances back at them, there's no way they can pee!

Masturbating is a sin - at least some folks believe.
That's just some old wives' tale, 'cause it really can relieve.
Without this super organ, no shag would be complete.
Lesbians can try their best, but must admit defeat.

It has some splendid functions, I'm sure you will agree:
To start a whole new life, and more than that - to pee!

But what seems most amazing about my one-eyed flute,
Whatever it is doing, it knows which juice to shoot.

And better yet, it stays with one, until one's old and frail.
Don't take it out in public though, or you'll be thrown in jail.

v v v v v

Paper Pilot: Battle of the air - SolidWorks
http://solidworkspilot.com/
At some time or other, we’ve all made a paper airplane. Some attempts may have been
successful. And then there are the others…Unless you’re already a master, you could probably
use some help building paper planes.Today’s Cool Site will give you just the
help you need. You can select from several different styles of paper planes. Then you can
tweak the design.Once you’re done, you get to test your creation. Now, I don’t know if the
physics behind the planes are sound. But it sure is a fun site!

*submitted by*
STLLRNING7
Animax Entertainment - Play Tic-Tac-Toe - Free TicToe
http://www.animaxinteractive.com/banana/Games/tictactoe.html
A different twist on an old game - fun!

Blocky - Free Online Game from Shockwave
http://www.shockwave.com/gamelanding/blocky.jsp
The Smilies are feeling blocked in and sad! Help them escape – and make them
giggle – by clicking and dragging a rectangle with four like-colored corners. The
larger the rectangle, the more Smilies you release. Turn a frown upside down with
this fast-paced puzzle game. Play Blocky today!

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana actually aired an
interview with a woman from New Orleans.

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman
how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had
affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied," I don't know about all those other
people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's."

v v v v v

The Top 15 Job-Hunting Tips

15> Don't mention you only want the job to hold you over until
that Nigerian businessman's estate sends you your $27 million.

14> Writing "no permanent address" on the application form might
be counter-productive.

13> First impressions matter! Offer the recruiter a sip from your
juice box.

12> It's still considered bad form to list your parole officer or
bail bondsman as a personal reference.

11> Since most female executives are a little insecure, they
appreciate compliments on their breasts -- particularly if
you use really, really big words you learned in your online
college courses.

10> Never go job hunting with Dick Cheney.

9> Do not write your cover letter using a #2 pencil. Or a pointy
stick with #2 on the end of it.

8> Ixnay on the igpay atinlay, Esterchay.

7> During first interviews, limit usage of the phrase "So long
as Daddy gets his taste."

6> On a resume, it's considered poor form to mention the javelin
stuck in your back. However, before the interview, go ahead
and inquire about the dimensions of the elevators.

5> Speaking Klingon does not make you multilingual, geekboy.

4> During the interview, it's a good idea not to show *too* much
interest in the details of the drug testing program.

3> Don't show off your research by naming all the employees you
consider do-able.

2> Leave your interviewer a thank-you card with a small gift
enclosed, such as a wallet-sized rectangular portrait of
Benjamin Franklin.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Job-Hunting Tip...

1> Can't find a job opening? Meet people who have the kind
of job you want, then kill one.

v v v v v

PC World - Apple iPhone Review
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,137138/article.html?tk=nl_dgxrvw

Among those who queued up on June 29 to buy an iPhone were several of our
editors; we have been putting it to the test ever since.
Our verdict: There's plenty to love, and plenty to lament. The iPhone offers
a solid design and a beautiful, touch-sensitive 480-by-320-pixel screen you can
control with multiple taps or pinches of your fingers. Its browser, while not as
versatile as the one on your notebook, is impressive. And of course, it works
fine as a cell phone.

But activation requires signing up for a two-year service plan, which may outlast the sealed-in battery.
The iPhone doesn't work with AT&T's fastest (HSDPA) data network, and it doesn't work with
any third-party apps except Web-based ones--and even those may not run properly, since the
iPhone doesn't support several Web formats like Flash.

Ed. Note: I haven't had the first problem with my battery!

v v v v v

*borrowed from*
shiny@shinyhappyhead.com

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well.

He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery
store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he
speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old.

And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.

There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his
words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I
wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, Nature called, so I took Cade with me
into the restroom.

If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what
you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the
potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on DA toiwet paper now? Mommy, what
are you doing?

"Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full? 4? 5?

Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of
this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good
girl, Mommy!

"Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see
doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh!

"Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl,
Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.

Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really
getting embarrassing.

I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.

Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see
if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!"

"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at
this point.

"Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me
frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.

I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.

I began to reason with myself: Okay. There are four other toilets. If I
count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard
this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside
my door.

"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door? What were
you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"

More laughter.

I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy."

He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands?
I want to go out!!"

I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling.

As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open sink, I thought, Where's
the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of
my privacy?

But as my little herald gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly
soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again,
just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

* Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her
family in Grand Rapids, Michigan,
where she no longer uses public restrooms.

v v v v v

v v v v v

My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the
director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were
on display.

After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided.

She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into
the ground."

After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really
prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue."

v v v v v

"A judge ruled that Britney Spears' kids would be better off they
go to live with Kevin Federline. The judge made the ruling after
a six-month exhaustive search for an option C."

-Conan O'Brien

v v v v v

v v v v v

"Two California cities may ban smoking in apartments. I don't
know about not smoking in your own apartment. Next think you know,
you won?t be able to Google yourself."

Craig Ferguson

v v v v v

"I worked some gigs in the Deep South -- Alabama -- You talk about
Darwin's waiting room. There are guys in Alabama who are their
own father."

Dennis Miller

v v v v v

I remember where I was when I heard about
the Princess Diana tragedy a decade ago.

Oddly enough, it was the same exact place I
was when I heard about the Challenger explosion,
Nixon resigning, Kennedy's assassination and
the first moon walk -- in front of the TV.

v v v v v

REJECTED MOTEL SIX SLOGANS

16) We're working on that smell thing, too.

15) Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.

14) As seen on "COPS".

13) If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed
the sheets.

12) Not just for nooners anymore.

11) We left off the 9, but you know it's there.

10) You rented the room, now buy the video.

9) Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't
have money left over for a hooker.

8) We'll leave the Lysol for ya!

7) Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary
there on *your* salary, pal!

6) We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*.

5) It's Hookerriffic!

4) Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins.

3) Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art
since 1962!

2) Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother.

   and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan...

1) We put the "Ho" in "Hotel"

v v v v v

Enjoying the Company of Your Cat

Even if you've done everything possible to make your home
more interesting from your cat's point of view, perhaps the
most important piece of the puzzle will always be missing when
you're gone -- because it's you.

Make time for your cat. Combing and brushing your cat is a great
way to bond with your pet while taking care of a basic
responsibility. But don't forget in all that feeding,
grooming, and taking-to-the-vet regimen to leave time just for
the pleasure of being together.

Spend time with your cat. Make your evenings the time for petting
and for play. Get out that cat-fishing toy and get him all worked
up. Watch TV or read with your cat in your lap. Companionship is
the best part of having a cat. Be your cat's best friend,
and you'll find that devotion and attention returned many
times over.

Befriend a feline with the inside scoop in Cats For Dummies, 2nd
by Gina Spadafori and Paul Pion, DACVIM.

v v v v v

My friends all say I'm extremely shallow.

I think they're just jealous because I'm so buff
and have a really cool car.

v v v v v

Talk about a close call -- just before I mailed
the invitations to my dinner party, I luckily realized
it would involve getting my friends'
saliva all over my nice clean forks and spoons.

v v v v v

   NOTE FROM BARB:

After reading a recent article
(http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20282285)
about a deputy arresting his wife, we
here at Top5 Relationships thought,
"hmmm, tempting!"

The Top 7 Signs Your S.O. Needs Arresting

7> Once she takes off the wig, fake eyelashes, make-up, wonder
bra, and control-top panty hose, it's a good case for False Advertising.

6> Littering, for those newspapers and magazines all over the
bathroom floor -- plus Pandering when they include Juggs and Hustler.

5> He blames the dog so much it's Cruelty to Animals.

4> The condition of the bathroom when he is done has GOT to be
some kind of Haz-Mat violation.

3> Since every item in the fridge is low-fat, low-sugar, low-carb
and low-taste, a charge of "cruel and unusual punishment" is warranted.

2> Battery for *again* buying that cheap rough-ass toilet paper.

   and the Number 1 Sign Your S.O. Needs Arresting...

1> Swiping a slice of chocolate cake was Petty Larceny. Eating
the evidence was a Grand Theft Ambrosia.

v v v v v

Personal Color Viewer
http://www.benjaminmoore.com/wrapper_pcv.asp?L=owner&K=intproj&N=intproj

Every now and then, it is nice to spruce up your home with some fresh paint.
And, with summer approaching, many of you will be undertaking this project. Of course, choosing
pleasant color combinations can be difficult for some.

But you don’t need to be an artist to pick out a good color scheme. Just visit Benjamin Moore’s site.
It will help you by suggesting pleasing combinations. You can even see how they look in particular rooms.
You can also create your own combinations. Just read up on its tips to make sure
you’re making an informed choice. kkomando.com

v v v v v

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

We've got a great one for you for this week's Wednesday classic list. One
of my favorites, because it's both absurd AND sleazy.

Scientists at Fribourg University in Switzerland
have discovered that stickleback fish ejaculate
more sperm if first stimulated by a "soft porn"
film showing flirting stickleback fish.

The Top 20 Fish Dirty Movie Titles

20> Deep Trout

19> Free Your Willy

18> A Few Good Minnow

17> Debbie Does Dolphins

16> Blow Holes

15> Porca

14> The Devil Ray in Miss Jones

13> Ocean's Sixty-Nine

12> Beyond the Green Dorsal

11> Spawn Wars, Episode VI: Return of the Salmon

10> The Unboinkable Brown Molly

9> Charlie's Angelfish

8> Oh, Cod!

7> In the Heat of the Pike

6> 2 Bass 2 Curious

5> The Incredible, Viagra-Packin' Mr. Not-So-Limpet

4> Goldfishmember

3> Grinding Nemo

2> A Fish Balled Wanda

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Fish Dirty Movie Title...

1> Bang the Chum Slowly

v v v v v

Wayside Gardens:
http://www.waysidegardens.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StoreLanding
Display?storeId=10151&catalogId=10151&langId=-1&mainPage=searchreque
st&cid=wpp000620&s_kwcid=ContentNetwork|678577026
Achieve the garden of your dreams with helpful information from Wayside Gardens'
Gardening Guide! Learn success secrets from our horticultural experts on siting,
planting, transplanting, and promoting overall plant health. Save this
reference guide and refer to it for seasons to come!
Tell us where to e-mail your FREE copy of Wayside's Gardening Guide:

Garden Design - The Principles of Good Garden Design
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=makeover&cdn=homegarden&tm=8&gps=
114_553_1193_850&f=00&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//makeover.about.
com/od/yardgarden/qt/DesignPrinciple.htm
Garden design is not an exact science and the principles used may be called by
various names. The 3 categories below contain the basic elements that, when
combined together, constitute the generally accepted version of good garden design.
Keep in mind that garden design is personal and rules are meant to be broken.

Planting Your First Vegetable Garden_
http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/iclk?sa=l&ai=BMOMUygcrRrbqDoWoV
NmUpIEDuczREpHivr4CwI23AYDxBBAIGAggqKX3ASgIMAA4AFCqmdiP-P____8BYMkGmAHe14ICoAG85rz_A6oBEnByaW1lZGlhX2dhcmRlbmluZ7IBE2dhcm
RlbmluZy5hYm91dC5jb23IAQHaAStodHRwOi8vZ2FyZGVuaW5nLmFib3V0LmNvbS9vZC
9xdWlja3RpcHMvcXQvgAIBqAMBuAMB&num=8&adurl=http://www.lifescript.com//
channels/healthy_living/Life_Tips/planting_your_first_vegetable_garden.asp
%3Ftrans%3D1&client=ca-primedia-premium_js
Planting your first vegetable garden is an extremely satisfying experience.
From tilling, to planting, to tending, to harvest, to the moment you pop that first bite
of home grown veggie in your mouth, every step is it’s own reward.
So how do you get started? The following is a road map to assist you with
successfully planting your first vegetable garden.

Bedtime For Gardens?
savvygardener.com

We are often asked how and when to "put the garden to bed." The term "putting the
garden to bed" means preparing the garden for winter and the weather will dictate
when that date is. Our first frost is normally in mid-October (any time now). How
"hard" that first frost is will help you decide whether or not it is time to cut back all perennials
and rid the garden of all annuals. We always like to squeeze as much time as possible
out of the fall garden knowing that once that hard frost hits winter is well on its way.
We'll keep you posted on the weather and when that first hard frost is coming.

v v v v v

"I knew our Summer of Love past would eventually
catch up with us. Nowadays, my wife and I can
only have sex while in the mud and listening
to Jimi Hendrix play the Star-Spangled Banner"

Jerry L. Embry

v v v v v

v v v v v

A church had a visiting preacher for Sunday's sermon. Only a
handful of people turned up to hear him preach.

He asked the congregation's regular preacher, "Did you give notice
of my visit?"

"No" replied the preacher, "but word seems to have gotten round anyway."

v v v v v

Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row. His wife
dragged him to the window, pointing to the blazing lights of the
big distillery in the distance.

"See how big it is?" she said. "They can always make it faster
than you can drink it."

"Maybe so," said Murphy, "But I've got 'em working nights now!"

v v v v v

Carets

Here's a quick one for you!

If you often save different versions of the same file in different folders on your computer,
you should try using this simple tip. I promise, you won't be disappointed!

When you go to save the file, after the regular name, type ^1 behind it. This makes it a version one.
To get the caret (^), hold down the Shift key and hit the number six on your keyboard.
For the second version, type ^2, after the file name. For the third, type ^3 and so on.

Now, go and do a search by clicking the Start button, followed by Search. In the search
criteria box, type ^ (just the caret). When the search is finished, you can sort your list
by name by clicking View and then Arrange Icons By > Name.

You now have a list of all the files you save “in versions" and in order, by version number.
You can now delete the ones you don't need. That's pretty
convenient, isn't it? Give it a shot!

Neil Patel
worldstart.com

v v v v v

Paul and Maury were in the neighborhood bar... again. Maury
remarked that Old Jim had just told him that he was now an
octogenarian.

"What's an octogenarian?" asked Paul.

"I dunno," said Maury, "but they must be pretty healthy people.
Every one of 'em I've ever heard of is eighty years old or more."

v v v v v

Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One turned to
the other and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg."

The other little boy replied, "My grandma said she has a cedar chest."

v v v v v

Fun Ways to Live Longer - Have Fun While Aging Healthy
and Living Longer
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DDF
A healthy lifestyle doesn't have to mean treadmills and salads everyday. Many
activities that are fun and pleasurable are also good for you. By understanding how these
activities can help you live longer and what to do to get the most benefits,
you'll be putting some fun into healthy living.

Study: Men, women show alcohol problems differently - CNN.com
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/04/24/men.women.alcohol.reut/index.html
Women with drinking problems may show it in different ways from men, which
could make their alcohol abuse harder to detect, according to new research.
In a study of 2,750 men and women, researchers at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis
found that the sexes showed some key differences in symptoms of problem drinking. For example,
men more often reported problems like bingeing or getting into fights, but women were more
likely to report feeling depressed or guilty about their drinking.
Psychologist Penny E. Nichol and her colleagues report the findings in the journal
Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research

Symptom Checker - Check Your Symptoms - Check Medical Symptoms
http://symptomchecker.about.com/
This is wonderful -- check it out!

A Ride For 3 Reasons
http://www.3reasons.org/
Bob Lee, a 65-year-old colon cancer survivor from Barrington, Illinois is riding his
bicycle 6,500 miles across America in order to help find cures for cancer and
ALS, and to help promote awareness for hospice care.
The Ride for Three Reasons journey began March 29, 2007 in Jacksonville, Florida.
The journey begins with “a purpose driven life.” Bob accepts the challenge to
ride 6,500 miles across the United States to raise awareness for the challenges faced by
Cancer patients, ALS victims and families faced with end-of-life issues.

Click to Give @ The Breast Cancer Site_ http://www.thebreastca
ncersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2
Click every day! Sponsors pay for mammograms!

v v v v v

Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve
had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my
three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture.

The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything
up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through
the kitchen put them where they belonged.

Finally, we came to the large couch.

After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we
discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen.
We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again.
It still wouldn't fit.

Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck
up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the
couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through
the sliding doors into the living room.

We all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made
a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into
the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will
have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own.
It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!"

v v v v v

My daughter's eighth-grade history class planned a visit to our
naton's capital. Unfortunately, she was not greatly enthusiastic
about a trip that she considered too "educational" to be fun.

However, on their return, I was pleased to hear how she and her
classmates had been filled with awe and emotion as they gazed at
the Washington Monument.

"To think, Mom," she marveled. "We were standing right where
Forrest Gump stood."

v v v v v

Funny video
http://www.gibbleguts.net/clips/bboystance.html

funny videos
http://www.gibbleguts.net/clips/ymca.html
hahaha

YouTube - Nattliv - Swedish hostess THROWS UP on live TV!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tXzKpmRrFs&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww
%2Egibbleguts%2Enet%2Fclips%2Ftvpuke%2Ehtml
ewwwwwwwwwwww

v v v v v

My four-year-old daughter Grace and I were playing basketball
in our driveway when her six-year-old friend Dylan came over.
Soon after Dylan joined the game, Grace excused herself for a few
moments and returned all dressed up like a princess. She asked
Dylan, "Do you like my dress?"

Without even looking at her, Dylan replied, "No."

"Don't you like the color?"

"No."

"What about my crown?"

Again without so much as a glance, "No."

Just then the ball bounced off Dylan's foot, and he ran to get it.
Grace shot me a knowing look and declared, "He likes me."

v v v v v

A woman brought her four year old boy to the emergency room.
"Doctor, my son swallowed $4.75 in change."

"My, that's a lot of change. It's hard to believe the little
devil could get it all down at once."

"Oh, he didn't, Doc. He's been swallowing it for a year."

"Then why didn't you bring him in before?"

"I haven't needed the money until now!"

He was given an intestinal lubricant and admitted to the hospital
for observation.

In the middle of the night his mother called to check on his
condition. "No change yet," reported the nurse.

v v v v v

I've decided it's time for me to get a dog. Not because
I really want a pet, but rather
because I'm tired of going to jail for leaving
"presents" on the lawns of people I don't like.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
~*~ Just For You ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/justforyousg.html

v v v v v

The Top 13 Quotes From Animal Romance Novels
   (Part I)

13> It had been tough growing up in the spotlight, alone,
   separated from her by the jail house bars of a system that
   didn't understand their love. But someday they would be
   together again, and he would wait, counting the days until she
   was released. After all, it was Mary who had turned him from
   a little lamb into a young ram.

12> His nose was cold. Colder than any nose that dared sniff her
   before. She backed further into his muzzle.

11> The muscular ram grabbed her by the wooly tuft on the back of
   her neck and with a sinful gleam in his eye said, "You've been
   a very baa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aad girl."

10> His torrid affair with the donkey left him smelling like ass.

9> His every pant brought forth a musky scent, and he growled low
   in his throat and said, "Moan like a human, bitch!"

8> My master crossed his legs provocatively, dangling one taut
   lean calf over his knee. As his leg bobbed rhythmically, his
   cuff climbed higher, revealing-- Hey! A squirrel!

7> Squeezing his octopus companion tightly with his tentacles,
   Oliver felt shame as he prematurely released his ink.

6> Polly's new man was like all the others. He never seemed to
   ask what she really wanted, choosing instead to insistently
   repeat his offer of a cracker.

5> Timmy and Sally rested for several seconds, then began anew.
   Then rested again. Followed by more loving. A brief nap.
   Once again with the coitus. The bunnies simply could not
   help themselves.

4> In all of the streams in all of the mountains in all of the
   northwest, she had to come swimming into mine. Not really a
   surprise, I suppose. We all *had* to swim into this particular
   stream... or die trying.

3> He didn't need the love of a female. He didn't need a male,
   either, for that matter. He was a worm. He had it all.

2> "Hold me closer," the gorgeous white kitten purred. "Closer,
   closer... now leave me alone! Don't look at me -- I'll go
   over here. Okay, now hold me closer again...."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Quote From an Animal Romance Novel...

1> "Your bulging green eyes, your powerful jaws -- I think
   I'm losing my head over you, darling."
   "You have no idea how right you are, loverboy."

v v v v v

v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who
knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with
her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty You're
crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their
planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something
special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The
rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to
see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy
trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The
hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's
brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food
and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old
steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and
now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so
they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good,
but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

> "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard
tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the
visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would
personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through
the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said, "Where did you get the crappy hairdo?

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Roses in My Garden
http://www.netdesignsandmore.com/likearose.html

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Rainbow for you
http://www.mamarocks.com/rainbow_for_you.html

v v v v v

I think pain is nature's way of saying, "Ouch!"

v v v v v

Q: Did you hear about the new auto insurance policy for
   Jewish mothers?

A: It is known as the "My Fault" policy.

v v v v v

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing
time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would
like a Martoutsy." The bartender brought her a Martini,
which she drinks in one gulp.

"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy", again the bartender
brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning heavily
forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your
Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a
barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a
Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn,
your tits are hanging in the ashtray."

v v v v v

   Click here: Web Search FAQ - The Most Popular Web Search Questions Answered
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/1&sdn=websearch&cdn=compute&tm=224&gps=
59_101_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//
websearch.about.com/od/searchingtheweb/a/holidaywebguide.htm

The Most Popular Web Search Questions Answered

Got some Web search questions you need fast answers to?
Read these Web Search FAQ and get your answers easily.

v v v v v

If at first you don't succeed, then fire-eating is
probably not for you.

v v v v v

What her drink says about HER

Drink : Beer
Personality : Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality : Flaky, annoying, ditzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas
Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask)
Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Drink : Barcardi Breezer - Hooch
Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated,
actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is. and you're in.

Drink : Shots
Personality : Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get
drunk...and naked.
Approach : Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait...

v v v v v

I bet Leonardo da Vinci was naked when he
painted the Mona Lisa. That's the same
smirk my wife has when she sees me naked.

v v v v v

Click here: Box.net - Free Online File Storage, Internet File Sharing, RSS Sharing,
Access Documents & Files Anywhere, Backup
http://www.box.net/shared/ks6z3d88ky
Pretty screen savers

   Click here: Synergy
http://synergy2.sourceforge.net/
Synergy lets you easily share a single mouse and keyboard between multiple
computers with different operating systems, each with its own display, without
special hardware. It's intended for users with multiple computers on their
desk since each system uses its own monitor(s). Redirecting the mouse and keyboard
is as simple as moving the mouse off the edge of your screen. Synergy also
merges the clipboards of all the systems into one, allowing cut-and-paste between
systems. Furthermore, it synchronizes screen savers so they all start and stop
together and, if screen locking is enabled, only one screen requires a
password to unlock them all. Learn more about how it works.

   Click here: Save YouTube Videos and download YouTube videos with YouTubeX
http://www.youtubex.com/
YouTube.com is an excellent website that allows you to view saved videos on
their servers. Unfortuneatly YouTube doesn't allow you to download these videos.
YouTubeX.com allows you to save YouTubeX videos and download
YouTubeX videos easily using only your IE or firefox browser

   Click here: Find My Credit Card
http://www.smartpctools.com/secure_credit_card/index1.html
Find My Credit Card software is intended to show you private info, which
you may not know of, and erase redundant information posing hazard to your security.
Perhaps, you have no idea that your computer may contain your private information
which you have long forgotten about. These may include your credit card
information, login names, passwords as well as cookie files tracking your Web
surfing habits. The Find My Credit Card software finds all personal information
and suggests its unrestorable erasure. Please bear in mind that no antispyware
will save you from information theft. You need to be aware of what and where
sensitive information is stored on your computer and purge it on a
regular basis thus making information theft useless.
Find My Credit Card supports Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox and Netscape web browsers.
Always keep on the safe side!

v v v v v

Then there is the male drink analysis:
The deal with guys is as always, very simple and clear cut:

Cheap Domestic Beer :
He's poor and wants to get laid.

Premium Local Beer :
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer :
He likes expensive beer and wants to get laid.

Wine :
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a
sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Whisky :
He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit
anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Tequila :
Piss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something
with a pulse.

Barcardi Breezer-Hooch :
He's gay.

v v v v v

A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night
to send his friend a collect telegram which read:
"I am perfectly well."

A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel...collect
...on which he had to pay considerable charges. Upon
opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had
this message:

"This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind."

v v v v v

   Click here: About.com: http://www.therecordist.com/pages/downloads.html
http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/XJ&sdn=websearch&cdn=compute&tm=9&gps=227
_2_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=33&bt=1&bts=1&zu=
http%3A//www.therecordist.com/pages/downloads.html
   The Recordist presents a collection of free sound effects in MP3 format.
** New SFX Added 08/28/05 (44/16 wav files)
These effects are from The Recordist SFX Library and the "Special Edition". The MP3
stereo versions are high quality 44.1 192k compressed. (* UPDATED MP3 FILES
192k with Album Cover) To download a sound file, click on a link of your
choosing. Please note: these files are not streaming audio.
Audio plug-ins for the web and helper application links can be found on
our Support page (may be out of date). Mac Users: Control Click on the link and select
"Download Linked File" PC Users: Right click on the link and select
"Save Target As" to your hard drive.

   Click here: Lost and Found Sound
http://www.npr.org/programs/lnfsound/index.html
While it's no longer a regular feature on National Public Radio, you can still
browse the archives of Lost and Found Sound on the Web - a collection
of audio stories from all walks of American life.

   Click here: Hip-Hop and Don Imus - Your Thoughts?
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DgD
Unless you've been living under a rock for the past couple of days you've probably
heard about radio host Don Imus' racist and sexist remarks about the Rutgers women's
basketball team. For the uninitiated, Imus recently referred to the Rutgers team as
"nappy headed hos" (and we're not talking about gardening tools) and later apologized
for the statement. Unsurprisingly, hip-hop and black culture have been singled out by
the likes of Paula Zahn (CNN's Out in the Open anchor) and Don Imus himself for
inventing and perpetuating the phrase that came out of the shock jock's mouth.
Sure, hip-hop has its own inexcusable problems with misogyny but that doesn't justify
racist remarks from anyone in 2007. Besides, sexism and racism have both
been in existence long before hip-hop was conceived.

v v v v v

A British bishop was talking with a class of small boys
and wanted to impress them with the importance of prayer
and religious conviction. He said, "There was once a
dormitory for seven boys. When lights-out time came, six
boys stayed in bed, but one boy got out of bed, knelt down,
and said his prayers. Now boys, can you think of anything
braver than that?"

"Oh, yes, sir," a member of the class said.

"You can?" said the bishop, a bit taken aback. "Well, tell
us about it. "

"It's this way," the boy said. "There was a dormitory with
seven bishops in it. When the lights went out, six bishops
got out of bed, knelt down, and said their prayers, but one
bishop stayed in bed."

v v v v v

The best thing about getting laid is you can
wake up in the morning and say to yourself,
"Great, I don't have to start working out yet!"

v v v v v

Brakes - Brake Pad Replacement - Replacing Your Brake Pads
http://autorepair.about.com/od/fixityourself/ss/brakepadreplace.htm

What You'll Need:

* lug wrench
* c-clamp
* open end or adjustable wrench (depending on your car)
* Allen wrenches (depending on your car)
* hammer
* small bungee cord

v v v v v

Sing along with me.........

O give me a clone of my own flesh and bone,
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And when it is grown, then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.

Chorus:
Clone, clone of my own,
With its Y chromosome changed to X
And when I'm alone with my own little clone
We'll both think of nothing but sex.

O give me a clone, hear my sorrowful moan,
Just a clone that is wholly my own.
And if it's an X of the feminine sex,
Oh what fun we will have when we're prone.

(Repeat Chorus)

My heart's not of stone, as I've frequently shown
When alone with my dear little X
And after we've dined, I am sure we will find
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.

(Repeat Chorus)

Why should such sex vex, or disturb or perplex.
Or induce a disparaging tone?
After all, don't you see, since we're both of us me.
When we're making love, I'm alone.

(Repeat Chorus)

And after I'm done, she will still have her fun,
For I'll clone myself twice ere I die.
And this time without fail, they'll be both of them male,
And they'll each ravish her by-and-by.

v v v v v

"You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with
a sneaker."

Zach Galifianakis

v v v v v

Overheard at Boston Market: Counter person: "Hi, can I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, I'd like a dinner for twelve, please."

Counter person: "Oh, I'm sorry. For orders that large you have
to call catering at least twenty-four hours in advance."

Customer: "Er, then how about two dinners for six?"

Counter person: "Oh, sure, we can do that!.

v v v v v

If I were a virgin back in the days when
they sacrificed virgins to their gods, I'd
   probably want to be known as the dirty slut girl.

Gods never seem to want to date dirty slut girls.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
pavanco1@earthlink.net
http://www.blackle.com/
Blackle was created by Heap Media to remind us all of the need to take small steps in our
everyday lives to save energy. Blackle searches are powered by Google Custom Search.
Blackle saves energy because the screen is predominantly black. "Image displayed is
primarily a function of the user's color settings and desktop graphics, as well as the color and
size of open application windows; a given monitor requires more power to display a white
(or light) screen than a black (or dark) screen." Roberson et al, 2002
In January 2007 a blog post titled Black Google Would Save 750 Megawatt-hours a Year
We believe that there is value in the concept because even if the energy savings are
small, they all add up. Secondly we feel that seeing Blackle every time we load our web
browser reminds us that we need to keep taking small steps to save energy

GOP.com | Republican National Committee :: Join the GOP Team
https://www.gop.com/Secure/signup.aspx
Joining the GOP Team is easy! In less than 30 seconds and with just a few
clicks of your mouse, you can become the GOP's link to your community.
GOP Team members are empowered to spread the Party's message as well as garner
support for candidates and the President's and our Party's agenda. Type in your
contact information and indicate the specific Teams of your interest. Then, recruit your
family, friends and neighbors. Together we'll bring new faces into the GOP and
maintain our majority for years to come.

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
http://www.glumbert.com/media/juggle
glumbert - This guy is amazing at juggling, so good that it
is all choreographed to the music

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
http://www.workitmom.com:80/
Helping working moms juggle life

2. http://www.cloudappreciationsociety.org/gallery/index.php?showimage=3182
Cloud formations/ cloud appreciation page

v v v v v

The Top 15 Signs Your Partner
Learned About Sex by Watching TV

15> Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes
   of telling you what's on her Christmas list.

14> Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned
   laugh-track.

13> He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.

12> The promised "wacky hijinks" when you get back to her place
   are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.

11> Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, "Tonight, on
   a very special 'Pecker'...."

10> Always gives a wide-eyed "Well, gollllyyy!" when you take off
   your bra and a "SHAZAM!" for the panties.

9> Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.

8> He won't finish until you say "It's a good thing" while
   arranging a doily on his chest.

7> To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.

6> Shouts "D'OH!!" every time he ejaculates prematurely.

5> She always wants you to guess which room she's naked in, but
   if you pick the wrong door, you're stuck with a farm animal.

4> The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom
   right corner.

3> He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent:
   "Crikey! Now, this position is *really* dangerous...."

2> "It's not an affair, honey, it's a spin-off."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your
   Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV...

1> Makes you wait until next week for the exciting climax.

v v v v v

I saw a PBS special where they talked about how
good baboons are at grooming. Personally, I find
them to be way overrated -- they screwed up my
sideburns and didn't wash all the soap out of my hair.
I say stick with the $12 Supercuts approach.

v v v v v

Ace Ventura
4 oz Sprite
1/4 oz Vodka
1/4 oz Tequila
1 dash Sambuca
1/4 oz Rum
1 dash Black Sambuca
1 dash White Sambuca
1 dash Blue Sambuca
Take a large chilled cocktail glass
and fill it 1/4 full with ice, and top to 3/4
full with sprite. Add the vodka, rum and tequila.
Fill the glass with the flavored
sambucas in layers. Garnish with an
umbrella and serve with a bendable straw.

Absolute Monster
4 oz Seagram's Vanilla Vodka
4 cubes _Ice
4 oz Monster energy drink
Combine the Absolut vanilla vodka,
Monster energy drink and ice cubes
in a blender. Blend until
slushy, pour into a highball glass,
and serve.

v v v v v

Q: What charges can you bring against a transvestite?

A: Male fraud.

v v v v v

A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how
many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her
friend blonde friend from next door had recently done the same
job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for
your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but
she had 2 rolls leftover.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."

v v v v v

   NOTE FROM ANDY:

   A couple months ago, Kelly Clarkson (she of
   "American Idol" fame) canceled her summer tour,
   citing poor ticket sales. Oh, the humanity!

   The Top 7 Reasons Kelly Clarkson's Summer Tour Was Cancelled

7> She finally got that really romantic phone call she always
wanted... from K-Fed.

6> Preparing blockbuster announcement of her new gig fronting "KC
& the Sunshine Band."

5> She said no green M&M's, dammit!

4> Who?

3> Contractual obligation to film "From Justin to Kelly 2"
couldn't be broken.

2> She's busy preparing her report to Congress on the progress of
the surge.

   and the Number 1 Reason Kelly Clarkson's
Summer Tour Was Cancelled...

1> 0:15:01.

v v v v v

Killing the crapware problem on PCs | George Ou | ZDNet.com
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=38324261-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
An interesting article - this intelligent person tells you what he
does when he first purchases a new system!

PC World - Spammers Use New Technique to Evade Filters
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,131523/article.html?tk=nl_spxnws
Spammers have stepped up efforts to use encrypted attachments to evade
filtering systems, service provider Email Systems has reported.
The technique relies on the fact that many spam systems can't scan inside emails
containing encrypted or password-protected attachment, and work out that they
are not legitimate. Without a rule to block such attachments, most systems
will pass on the email to recipients, handing spammers an important
victory in the battle to get spam through.

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The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be

20> Al Gore: I, Robot

19> Dick Cheney: Shoot 'Em Up

18> Senator Larry Craig: Flushed Away

17> Ted Kennedy: A Bridge Too Far

16> Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan: Very Bad Things

15> John Holmes: The Longest Yard

14> Mel Gibson: An Officer and a Gentleman

13> Hillary Clinton: Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

12> George W. Bush: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

11> Alec Baldwin: The Jerk

10> Michael Jackson: The Brother From Another Planet

9> Dan Quayle: The Pursuit of Happyness

8> Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson: The Ladykillers

7> Woody Allen: Father of the Bride

6> Barry Bonds: The Secret of My Success

5> Ann Coulter: Little Miss Sunshine

4> Wilt Chamberlain: Balls of Fury

3> Kirstie Alley: 300

2> Michael Vick: Dog Day Afternoon

   and Topfive.com's Number 1 Movie
   Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be...

1> Britney Spears: Superbad

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Three women who were friends in high school have returned to
their hometown to attend their 25th reunion and have lunch together.

Their talk turns to their position in life, and it's clear
that they are trying to one-up each other.

The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French
Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a
superior demeanor.

The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new
Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.

The third woman says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you,
we don't have much money and we don't have many material
possessions, but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder
on my husband's erect penis."

After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and
says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying
to impress you. We're not really going to the French Riviera
we're going to my parent's house for two weeks."

The second woman says, "Your honesty has shamed me. To be
honest, my husband didn't buy me a Mercedes -- he bought me
a Taurus."

"Well," the third woman says, "I've got a confession to make.
Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg."

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Martha Stewart - Mile High Lemon Pie
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf4
10b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=fd28759a3ac0f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&vgnext
channel=6edddfc3832ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&rsc=dl_subsections&la
stnavigatedchannel=6edddfc3832ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD

Martha Stewart - Banana Cream Pie
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e
3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=6e9de38e6ec0f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCR
D&vgnextchannel=6edddfc3832ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&rsc=dl_s
ubsections&lastnavigatedchannel=6edddfc3832ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD

Martha Stewart - Chocolate Pecan Pie with Chocolate Crust
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf4
10b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=9468759a3ac0f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&vgnext
channel=c05ddc53f03ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&rsc=navigation&last
navigatedchannel=a63ddc53f03ee010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD

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*submitted by*
Granny B 132

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping
out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.

She says, "Put that away, Little Johnny. You can't have ice cream now.
It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."

Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."

Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

"I wanna play 'Mommy and Daddy,'" Little Johnny replies.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"

Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you're taking a nap."

Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs.

Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the
utility closet. He puts on his fathers old fishing hat.
As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the
end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner
of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises her head and asks, "What do I do now?"

In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs
and get that kid some ice cream!"

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Apple Macintosh Freeware - How to Download YouTube Videos
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3ggC

YouTube is a free online video streaming service that allows users to view and share
videos. Although YouTube does not support video downloads, you can store
YouTube videos on your hard drive with these open source tools.

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   This happened recently on a Hamburg,
Germany, to LaGuardia flight. Some
people will do *anything* rather than
watch the crappy movie...

The Top 9 Little-Known Facts About
   Delivering a Baby Aboard an Airplane

9> Your boasts of being a member of the Mile High Club can now be
substantiated.

8> The captain has naming rights.

7> You still have to pay for the use of a blanket.

6> To quiet the baby, the pilot will gently rock the plane back
and forth.

5> A small bag of honey roasted peanuts is a really sucky painkiller.

4> Southwest provides a free tattoo of its logo for the baby's bum.

3> It's an emergency, yes, but you're still gonna get shushed by
that snooty businessman in first class.

2> Airline policy holds regardless: NO SHARING OF EARPHONES!

and the Number 1 Little-Known Fact About
Delivering a Baby Aboard an Airplane...

1> Thanks to new FAA regulations, there is nothing sharper than a
spork to cut the cord with.

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by deb

Mike Musgrove - Tote a Small Library to the Beach - washingtonpost.com
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007
/08/04/AR2007080400110.html?wpisrc=newsletter

Click a button with your left thumb to hop to the next page on the device's screen, which is about the size
of the average paperback. After some extensive ocean-side research, I can report that it does
a fine job of withstanding sand, suntan lotion and light rain. The battery lasts
longer than you'd think; I made it through a _Stephen King_ (http://www.washingtonpost.c
om/ac2/related/topic/Stephen+King?tid=informline) thriller and the bestseller
"Freakonomics" with hardly a dent on the meter.

Getting books onto the Reader works pretty much the way an iPod works for music. Connect
the device to your computer, fire up Sony's online bookstore and download away. Instead
of carrying just one book on the plane you can now lug about 80, stashed in the Reader's memory.
The "e-publishing" revolution has supposedly been on the way for a decade, but it's
never quite hit the mainstream. This is a market that still exists in an uncertain area, embraced
mostly by a small audience of early adopters -- sort of like the MP3 player
market before Apple entered the scene with the iPod.

Stay
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/
08/04/AR2007080400110.html?wpisrc=newsletter

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Courtney Love wants to launch her own perfume.
But she's worried nobody wants to smell like her.
   I wonder what she'd call her perfume line? I
wonder what other stars would call *their* lines?

   The Top 8 Names for Celebrity Scents

8> David Beckam – Same Old Spice

7> Alberto Gonzales - Amnesia

6> Britney Spears - Eaups!

5> Wolfgang Puck - Eau d'Eaters

4> Richard Dawkins – Divine

3> Courtney Love – Smells Like Heroin

2> Bob Barker - Old Spays

and the Number 1 Name for Celebrity Scents...

1> Lance Armstrong – Asymmetry

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Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml

v v v v v

Whenever I watch Barney the dinosaur, I offer up a
prayer of thanks for the
meteorite that wiped out the rest.

v v v v v

This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him
a note: "Off to the grocery store."

He hasn't been *getting any* from her, so he decides this is his
chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts
the video in, and starts masturbating. He's about to climax when
all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs
over and gives him the blowjob of his life.

Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy
is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened.

After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where
he finds his wife chopping tomatoes. He asks her: "We haven't
had sex for over five years, and all of a sudden you come in.
What happened?!".

To which his wife replied: "I just washed the floor this morning.
I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."

v v v v v

Choosing a Default Program
dummies.com

Microsoft lets computer vendors replace Internet Explorer, Media
Player, Outlook Express, and Windows Messenger with different
programs from other companies. Your new computer may come with
the Firefox Web browser, for example, instead of
Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Some PCs may come with both
browsers installed.

When more than one program can handle a task -- opening a Web
link, for example -- Vista needs to know which program it should
summon. That's where Vista's program defaults area
comes in. To choose your default programs, choose Control Panel
from the Start button, choose Programs, select Default Programs,
and choose Set Your Default Programs.

The Set Your Default Programs window lists programs along the
right edge. Click the program you use the most and then choose
Set This Program As Default. Repeat for any other listed programs
that you prefer over Vista's bundled programs and then click OK.

PC World - Microsoft Updates Vista's Speed, Stability, Again,
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,138041/article.html?tk=nl_esxnws_
For the second time in two months, Microsoft Corp has rolled out fixes
to improve Windows Vista's speed and reliability.
The four separate updates, available now for download from the vendor's Web
site, address several operating system performance and stability problems, deal
with a dozen Universal Serial Bus issues, improve Windows
Media Player and patch Media Center.

v v v v v

With these election times slowly rolling round onto us I'm reminded
of recent election lines in which we've stood. Several times fellow
voters have voiced the question whether the mentally retarded are
allowed to vote. Always got a laugh outta replying: "Hey, they let
'em run for office, don't they!!?"

v v v v v

A Hillbilly redneck was being grilled in a courtroom trial by
the representative of his client. "You seem to have more than
the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,"
sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"I'd return the compliment," replied the witness. "but I am
under oath."

v v v v v

PC World - In Pictures: The Top 10 Smart Phones
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,136933/article.html?tk=nl_dgxsld

The Top 10 Smart Phones

v v v v v

"They are turning the movie 'Brokeback Mountain' into a broadway
musical. Auditions will be held at the Minneapolis airport men's room"

Jay Leno

v v v v v

"Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, who was the man
having sex with Paris Hilton in her infamous videotape, have
applied for a marriage license. In addition to once being Paris
Hilton's boyfriend, Salomon was also married to "90210" actress
Shannen Doherty making him the world's all-time biggest consumer
of condoms and prozac"

Jake Novak

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   Click here: New England Vacation Planner - Plan Your New
England Vacation with this New England Vacation Guide
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/3oFT
Long a summer retreat from hot cities, New England is a vacation haven. Kim Knox Beckius, About.com's
Guide to New England can lead you to the best places to stay and play.

   Click here: Walking and hiking - World's largest trail database
http://traildatabase.org/
You don’t have to travel all the way to Arizona if you want to go hiking. There’s
probably a great trail somewhere close to you.Trail Database can help you find a good
location to take a hike. Not only does it cover the United States, it covers the entire world.
You’ll find stories and pictures of the trails.And if you’re a newbie, don’t forget to read
about the equipment you’ll need. There are also safety tips.

   Click here: Windmill Tours - North Palm Springs, California - Southpoint.com
http://www.southpoint.com/states/ca/windmills.htm
   When in Palm Springs, you might want to visit the windmill farm

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A guy goes for a job as a bouncer in a brothel; the manager is very
impressed and offers him a superb package including company car,
free life insurance etc. The best of the perks is he is promised
a free bunk up with the girl of his choice every night.

Needless to say he takes the job. At the end of the first day
the manager comes up to him and tells him to take his pick of the
girls, the guy picks the blonde in the schoolgirl uniform and off
they go to a private room.

Much to his surprise she just gives him a quick one off the wrist
and leaves the room.

"That's odd" thinks our hero, "perhaps she's tired today."

At the end of day two he picks a redhead dressed up as a nurse
same thing happens, back to the room and a quick one off the wrist.

"Oh well" thinks our none too bright hero "I'm tired myself tonight
so I won't worry."

Anyway, this goes on the rest of the week, every night a different
girl and every night just a quick one off the wrist.

At the end of the first week the MD asks our man if he has any
comments at all, usual stuff, they are pleased with him etc. but
does he have anything to say.

Our man may be slow but shyness is not one of his qualities so he
tells the MD that all the girls have just given him a quick one
off the wrist but he was promised a bunk up every night.

To this the MD replies, "But surely you realize you have to work
a week in hand"

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v v v v v

A panic-stricken golfer charged into the clubhouse, grabbed the pro
by the arm and said, "You gotta help! I was on the 9th hole and
I hit a terrible slice. The ball sailed right off the course and
hit a guy riding a motorcycle. He lost control and swerved into
the path of a truck. The truck tried to stop but jack-knifed,
rolled over and broke apart. It was carrying thousands of bee
hives and now the angry bees are attacking everyone in sight. It's
awful! It's a disaster! What should I do?"

And the pro answered, "Well, the first thing is you've got to keep your arms straight
and remember to get your right hand a bit more under the club."

v v v v v

Q: Why do so many brides get crow's feet as soon as they are married?

A: From squinting and saying: "Suck what?"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BillieJo50
   Click here: FREE Online Slot Machines!
http://www.freeslots.com/
Choose from 30+ totally FREE 3-reel and 5-reel slots, also known as fruit machines
in the UK and pokies or poker machines in Australia. Play Treasures of Egypt,
Magic Wheel, Bonus Land, Shopping Spree, Flaming Crates, Fruit Smoothie, Party Bonus and more!
All our slots have large, smoothly animated reels, many with exciting bonus rounds.
We've packed them full of colorful graphics and impressive slot machine sounds to
make your playing experience as realistic as possible. Once you've racked up some
credits, press the cash|credit button to enter our monthly
sweepstakes for a chance to win real cash!
To get started, just click on a slot machine above. Most slots take about 60
seconds to load on a 56k modem the first time. You'll see a large grey box for a while,
then the game will appear with a blue loading progress bar. No installation
or download is needed, just click and play!

   Click here: Shuffle - Free Online Game from Shockwave
http://www.shockwave.com/gamelanding/shuffle.jsp
   The history of shuffleboard isn’t well known. But one thing is sure: It has been popular for a long time.
At one point or other, we’ve all probably played the game. It’s common
at public recreation centers, hotels and on cruises. But the game hasn’t changed much
over the years. That is, until now. There’s a new version, Shuffle, that you can play on your computer.
Okay, to be fair, it isn’t exactly shuffleboard. It’s somewhere between shuffleboard and pool.
The goal is to knock your opponent’s pieces off the board. It’s a fast, fun and addictive game!
To play Shuffle, you’ll need the free Shockwave Player. If you don’t have it,
you’ll be prompted to download it. kkomando.com

   Click here: Webmaster Games Games - Miniclip Games - Play Free Games
http://www.miniclip.com/games/en/webmaster-games.php
Whoa! If you like games -- you have to see this site!

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If you object to logging, try using plastic toilet paper.

v v v v v

OUCH

One Star Hangover (*):
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well; however, you are still parched. You can drink
five sodas and still feel this way. For some reason you are
craving a steak and fries.

Two Star Hangover (**):
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay,
but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you
are chugging is only increasing the rumbling in your gut, which
is still tossing around the papa burger and fries you had at the
all night drive thru excursion at 3:00 AM. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***):
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by, you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic
friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if
you were home in your bed watching I Love Lucy Reruns. You've
had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, three iced teas and a Diet
Coke yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****):
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly
or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You
wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only
shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you
put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes
look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your
sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
poops you take during the day brings water to your eyes as well
as the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****):
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. In fact, you are
probably still drunk. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to
get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the
ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you.
You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was
passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate
results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid
with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this
'floater' seems to be to splash toilet water all over your ass.
Death sounds pretty good about right now.

SOUND FAMILIAR ANYONE?

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Floating head video
http://www.gibbleguts.net/clips/slutz.html
Another slutz doll video!

Hey Honey
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/841.html
Here

Be Patient
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/842.html
Here

Next Year...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/843.html
Here

A Little Too Fast
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/844.html
Here

Care To Prove It
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/845.html
Here

Is It In Yet?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/038.htm
AOL here

Jealous of "Hand"???
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1381.html
Here!

Cards
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1382.html
Here!

The Captain
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1383.html
Here!

check in the mail?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1384.html
Here!

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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

v v v v v

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind

v v v v v

©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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