Editor:  DebsSweet
Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet








NEWS


Be aware - learn the issues - have a say in your life!  The next Presidential election
is going to be incredibly important (aren't they all)

SwapThing is a community of users who want to swap, buy and sell things in a new and different way.  This is NOT an auction site.
It is a way to swap and sell without the hassle of being outbid for the things you want.  You
will find the link in the SURFIN sectin.

Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 









"Thanks for all you do for us 'puternutz.  Your web site is looking terriffic
with each issue, it must be a full time job.

I'll do all you I can to help you finding great sites to share. What a way
to start my week, with a lil lovable doll named Deb.

Hope you don't mind the errors in my typing. I'm all alone in the dark ,
reading the last issue, and don;t want to wake the misses.

I love all that you do.
God Bless
Jack (sin fla)"
jacksinfla@earthlink.net



v v v v v



One of the more popular comedies so far this
year is "Knocked Up," in which an unlikely
one-night-stand results in a pregnancy.


The Top 15 Hollywood Euphemisms for "Pregnant"


15> Building your audience

14> Another extra on the lot

13> Casting her own Mini-Me

12> Federlined

11> Accidentally getting your pitch accepted

10> Rolled up the (monthly) red carpet

9> Nine months prep on a short subject

8> Way not anorexic

7> Greenlit her uterus

6> Showing Brangelina how it's done

5> Caught Catholic's disease

4> Has a child star waiting in the green womb

3> The sperm stays in the picture

2> And the fetus goes to...


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Hollywood Euphemisms for "Pregnant"...


1> Signed a development deal with God



v v v v v



"A company is now making a cell phone that allows you to talk to
your dog. It enables you to talk to your dog. The way it works is
that first you have to be insane."


Dave Letterman



v v v v v





Click here: AOL's Sugar & Spice Dating Advice: Barking Up the Wrong
Tree for Love -- How to Find Out if He's Gay? - AOL Person
http://personals.aol.com/dating-advice/sugar-spice/gaydar-help?ncid=AOLCOMMloveCRSSaoln0025

*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here: Sentimental SpentHeart
http://www.angelfire.com/md2/Jacquelinesjunque/home.html

2. Click here: »-(¯`v´¯)-»Can't Let Go»-(¯`v´¯)-»
http://www.sweetiesplace.com/Cant_Let_Go.html



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look tired, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't approve."

"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.

Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell
me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him."



v v v v v



"Over the weekend, Bill and Hillary Clinton were spotted hiking
in a national park near Washington. Yeah, after a 10-mile hike,
Bill said 'I just can't seem to shake her'"


Dave Letterman



v v v v v



A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The
barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest,
most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."



v v v v v






What's your #1 solution for speeding up your PC?


Delete my temporary files.
Defragment the hard disk.
Remove excess files and programs.
Format the hard disk and reload the OS from scratch.
Buy a new system!



v v v v v



"A new survey says that New Jersey is the most livable state in
the U.S. The survey has a margin of error of 100 percent."


Conan O'Brien



v v v v v



The Top 14 Internet Movie Quotes


14> "Download it, Sam. Download 'As Time Goes By.'"

13> "Google 'open' and 'pod bay doors,' HAL."

12> "I'm out of bandwidth? *You're* out of bandwidth! The whole
     stinking Internet is out of bandwidth!"

11> "Of all the open Wi-Fi nodes, in all the towns, in all
     the world, she leeches off mine."

10> "Redmond, we have a problem."

9> "Here's looking at YouTube, kid."

8> "Right click, Clyde."

7> "We'll always have Paris Hilton's sex video."

6> "You know how to whistle, don't you? Just put your computer
     speakers close together and they'll blow."

5> "You want Bluetooth?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE BLUETOOTH!"

4> "I know what you're thinking: Does he have 640 MB of RAM
     or only 512?"

3> "You hafta buy Vista, baby."

2> "<3 means never having to say :-("


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Internet Movie Quote...


1> "I'll BRB."



v v v v v



"The real showdown was on "The View" this morning. When Elisabeth
Hasselbeck announced that she was pregnant last month, Rosie
O'Donnell announced on her blog that she wouldn't fight with her
anymore, because obviously when someone is pregnant, they can get
upset, and there's always the danger that Rosie might eat the baby."


Jimmy Kimmel



v v v v v








v v v v v



Why do some bikers prefer fat, tattooed women?

They give shadein the summer time, heat in the winter time and moving
pictures all year 'round!



v v v v v



What's the difference between Biology and Sociology?

When the baby looks like the father, its Biology. When the baby looks
like the neighbor, its Sociology!



v v v v v







*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Click here: http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/dearfriends/dearfriends.htm
http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/dearfriends/dearfriends.htm

*submitted by*
wmccarte@biigpond.net.au
Click here: "Just Wanted To Say Hello"
http://www.perfectgreetings.com/index.cfm?action=view&id=2766&scid=10384

*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here: Thinking of You
http://www.joygreetings.com/thinkingofyou.shtml



v v v v v



While trying to track down the cause of a recurrent vaginitis in
a young woman, I asked her whether her partner was circumcised.
My query drew only a blank look. I rephrased the question in what
I felt was a clever and tactful manner: "When he doesn't have an
erection, can you see the head of his penis, or is it covered by
folds of skin?"

Her unabashed and matter-of-fact response: "I've never seen him
without an erection."



v v v v v



"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "you've got to help me!"
Every night I have the same horrible dream.  I'm lying in bed when all
of the sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away."

"I see.  What do you want me to do?"

The patient implored.  "Break my arms."



v v v v v





Click here: Top 10 Most Affordable Convertibles
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/3oFX
It isn't necessary to mortgage the farm for the pleasure of driving a convertible. These convertibles (or
cabriolets as they're sometimes called), are both affordable and fun. And with today's
snug-fitting tops, winter driving's not a problem.

Click here: What's coming for 2008 - About.com Cars
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15q/4&sdn=cars&cdn=autos&tm=34&gps=86_448_1193_850&f=00&su=p706.3.4
20.ip_p284.8.150.ip_&tt=3&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//cars.about.com/od/whatscomingin2008/Whats_coming_in_2008.htm
Check out the cars for 2008!!

Click here: Fast Lane Racing School's Teen Academy -- The driving course that may save your kid's life
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=cars&cdn=autos&tm=4&gps=90_87_1193_850&f=00&su=p28
4.8.150.ip_&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//cars.about.com/od/safetyfacts/fr/ag_teenacad.htm
On a rainy night in LA, a mother got a phone call from her newly-licensed son. "I was on the freeway and
hit a slick spot, and the car started to slide. I'm fine, Mom, I knew exactly what to do to recover. If I hadn't
taken that class, I don't know what would have happened." "That class" is the Teen Academy at Danny
McKeever's Fast Lane Racing School, and at $350, it's more than a bargain--it's a public
service. Send your teen to this course. It may save their life.
   


v v v v v



A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to
take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.

The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.

The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too
hard grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".

The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards
straight down the fairway.

The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this
time take the club out of your mouth."



v v v v v



Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home,
he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased.

In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to
sound out the words "Queen Size."

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you
wear the same size as our bed!"



v v v v v







v v v v v



A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked.
When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had
and their ages.

She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're
eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen.  And the twins,
Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't
get nothin'."



v v v v v




How many rednecks does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Two. One to mix the dough, and the other to shake the rabbit.



v v v v v






Click here: Unusual Software .com - Products - Backup My Brain
Backup My Brain   
    http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=e5kej6bab.0.47dhg5bab.usova9bab.157&ts=S0235&
p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.unusualsoftware.com%2Fbackup-my-brain.html
BACKUP MY BRAIN is a free download at http://www.unusualsoftware.com/backup-my-brain.html .
It allows you to backup old memories, skills, hobbies, phobias, and just about anything in the event you
lose your memory. Unfortunately, as stated on their Web site, the technology to restore all that stuff in the event
of amnesia is still, errrr, "under development." I would download this program but I might forget where I put it.

Click here: midomi
http://www.midomi.com/
Midomi at http:/www.midomi.com is not your usual search engine. Hum or sing a tune and it attempts to
locate the artists doing that song. If you can't find what you're looking for, maybe you're a bad hummer, but you
can add it to Midomi's database. You can listen to voices, see pictures, rate singers, send messages, and, of course, buy music

Click here: Photobie: free image editor, photo editor, screen capture ( screencapture ), GIF animation, flash, framing, photo
http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=e5kej6bab.0.c6dhg5bab.usova9bab.157&ts=S0235&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.photobie.com%2F
Photobie is a complete image editing software customized for photo retouching. Photobie is free to use and to
distribute. Unlike other commercial and free image editing softwares, Photobie is more like a homemade
cookie, which has much more flavor. Photobie developers intend to build an easy-to-use and feature-packed tool for
graphics amateurs. Although, it is not yet a perfect tool for professionals, it does contain many
handy tools to help professional to achieve simple task quickly.
   
   

v v v v v
   


      A legal question:


If you're into S&M and
you get beat up at work, is that be
considered assault or sexual harrassment?



v v v v v



Women are like computers - even your smallest mistakes are stored
in long-term memory for later retrieval.



v v v v v


*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS


One Liners
                                       

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it! 
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time  between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Friends may come and go, but  enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much  when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it  can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse;  it'll be a great trade!

I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel  universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in  thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an  excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the  water with both feet.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Oh Lord,  give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!



v v v v v





Click here: Discjockeys
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15q/B&sdn=dancemusic&cdn=entertainment&tm=77&gps=17_520_1178_833&f=00
&su=p284.5.420.ip_p532.0.400.ip_p445.92.150.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//dancemusic.about.com/od/djs/Discjockeys.htm
Interviews, features and homepages of Discjockeys around the world

    Career Crippling  Albums
You guys know we like to post other people's lists and call it "Shit List"  ('cause you get to shit all over it, see?) -- but this
one is a Shit List in the  truest! _Blender_ (http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?ID=2203)  put together their
selections for "The Most  Disasterous Albums Of All Time," or records that took unhealthy tolls on 
artists' careers. No rank, no order, just the infamous-record listings:

MC Hammer - The Funky Headhunter. Gangsta Hammer. Bad idea.
Garth Brooks - In The Life Of Chris Gaines. Garth's failed Ziggy  Stardust.
Fleetwood Mac - Tusk. The inevitably commercially-disappointing  follow-up to Rumours.
The Electric Prunes - Mass In F Minor. Classical-psych rock fusion.  Another bad idea.
Peter Frampton - I'm In You. Folks had enough Frampton for awhile  after Comes Alive
Mariah Carey - Glitter. Soundtrack to a horrible film and released on  9/11/01. Doomed.
Moby - Animal Rights. moby goes hard rock
Kiss - [Music From] The Elder. Concept album about immortal, energy based beings. Exactly what their fan base wanted!
The Happy Mondays - Yes Please! - Recorded in Barbados with Shaun Ryder on a diet of 50 rocks of crack a day.



v v v v v



A woman called her husband at work and told him that there was a
bad leak in the kitchen. He told her to call the plumber and have it fixed.

A few hours later he gave her a call and asked, "Has the plumber come yet?"

She replied, "Not yet, but I have him breathing hard."



v v v v v



The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in  
to try out for the job.  

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"  

"11" he replied.  

The sheriff thought to himself, 'That's not what I meant, but  
he's right."' "OK, what two days of the week start with the  
letter 'T'?"  

"Today and tomorrow."  

The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct  
answer that he had never thought of himself.  

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"  

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really  
hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."  

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"  

So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were  
waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was  
exultant. "It went great!  First day on the job and I'm already  
working on a murder case."  



v v v v v



Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore
he was rather stupid.  But he wanted to impress his
wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and
watched the couples around them, following their leads.

He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a
sugar shaker towards his wifes cup and said,
"Sugar, sugar?"
Joe thought this was great and continued to listen
around the dining room.
Another table over Joe observed the following.
A man spooned some honey out of a bowl for his
wife and asked, "Honey, honey?"
Again Joe thought this was good stuff.

Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly
into his young wifes eyes and said,
"Ham, pig?"



v v v v v

  Click here: Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml



v v v v v



   The Top 9 Things You Don't Want to Hear on Your Blind Date


9> "I've always considered myself a lesbian. You're my first guy."

8> "I thought Kim was a woman's name."

7> "You used to model before? Do you have the number of the model
    who did 'after'?"

6> "Before I go bothering my gynecologist, would you say this is
    an infection or just a rash?"

5> "...and I thought, 'I can't read Braille, how are we going to talk?'"

4> "Naw, it's still bad. Have another mint."

3> "Mom?"

2> "Whoa, no kissing on the mouth, pal!"


and the Number 1 Thing You Don't
               Want to Hear on Your Blind Date...


1> "Your hair is so beautiful under the full moon..." *tick* "...
    Full moon? Oh, no!"



v v v v v



Jesus and I have a lot in common.
We are both friendly towards prostitutes.


Tom Sims



v v v v v







Click here: Cell Phones Are Getting Cheap! - Motley Fool - MSNBC.com
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17830663/
Although Apple has decided to dip its toe into the high end of the cell-phone waters with its iPhone, other
cell-phone makers continue to make strides at the low end.The manufacturing cost for some models
targeted at consumers in countries such as China and India has reached a new low of around $25. It makes me wonder
whether I'll someday be forced to drag my kids, kicking and screaming, past
disposable cell phones in the Wal-Mart checkout line



v v v v v



"That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!"
bemoaned Rich to Ernie.

"That girl is a real mirage."

"Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage
is something you can see but can't feel."

"Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!"



v v v v v



"Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands
were: thin, tan, and moral".    


(Unknown)



v v v v v



Getting Old


* You know you're grwoing old when your children begin to look
middle-aged.

* You know you're growing old when your knees buckle and
your belt won't!

* You know you're getting older when nobody uses candles for
your birthday anymore. They just set the cake on fire.

* You know you're growing old when you paint the town red and
have to take a long nap before you put on a second coat.



v v v v v



"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
man is when he's a baby"


Natalie Wood



v v v v v



*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead







v v v v v



A Doctor wanted to get off work and play golf, so he approached his Irish assistant Paddy.,
"I am going golfing tomorrow Paddy and I don't want to close the clinic.

I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients"

"Yes, sir!" answers Padd y.

The doctor goes off to golf and returns the following day and asks:

So,  Paddy, how was your day?

Paddy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him  Panadol."

"Bravo Mate and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Aspirin".

"Excellent. You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman
enters. Like a woman possessed, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties
and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME!  For five years I haven't seen a man!'"

"Good God "says the doctor."What did you do?"

"I put drops in her eyes!"



v v v v v



"When we get home," I lectured my three young sons in the backseat of the car, "I want you all to clean
your rooms because Uncle Jerry is coming over. He's never been to our house before, and I want it
to look tidy." My ten-year-old finally broke a lengthy silence. "But isn't that kind of like lying?"



v v v v v







Click here: Dummies::Summoning the Troubleshooting Program in Windows Vista
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4384.html?cid=etipArticleLink
When something's not working as it should, the Troubleshooting section of Windows Vista's Help and Support program
may sleuth out a fix. Sometimes it works like an index, narrowing down the scope of your problems
to the one button that fixes it. Then it displays the button on the Help page for your one-click cure.
Other times, a magic button isn't enough. If your wireless Internet signal isn't strong enough, for example, the
Troubleshooter tells you to stand up and move your laptop closer to the transmitter
   
   

v v v v v


   
Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?

Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?



v v v v v



Telephone solicitors are one of my father's pet peeves. He is especially annoyed by those who offer "free gifts"
as part of their sales pitch. Late one night, Dad was in bed when the phone rang. The voice on the end of
the line said: "Congratulations, you've just won a free burial plot!"

"Great!" Dad replied. "Send it over." Then he hung up.



v v v v v



These 16 Police comments were purportedly taken off actual police car videos from around the country:


#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those, 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87







v v v v v



"The Wall Street Journal reports that two million Americans got married because of someone
they met online. The bad news, four million got divorced
because of somebody they met online."


Jay Leno



v v v v v



A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel to celebrate
their  50th marriage anniversary.

The bell boy while taking their luggage to the suite thinks to himself, "At
this age, they are booking a suite. What a waste!"

After leaving them in their room with a very heavy tip he decides to spy on
them. At night, he sits in the lobby opposite their room. And what does he
hear? Laughing and clapping sounds from their room. All night long.

He could not believe his ears. In the morning, he apologized to the husband
for having spied on them, but being very inquisitive, he asks him how can he
do what he did at this age.

The husband replied, "See it is this way. First, I remove my clothes. Then I
lie down on the bed face up. Then my wife removes her clothes. Then..." The
bell boy leans into the old man and says, "Then what, WHAT?"

The old husband smiles and says, "Then  my wife lifts up my penis with one
hand, and then we make a bet."

The bell boy hollers, "A BET? What bet?!"

If it falls to left, I win; and if  it falls to right she wins," the husband
replied with a smirk.

The bell boy asks, "Well, what if it doesn't fall?"

"Then we both win," says  the old man.



v v v v v



Air Force Approach:  "Eagle 13, turn right to 330.".

Eagle 13:  "Roger 330."

App: "Eagle 13, I've been working since last night.  Will you do me a favor?"

Eagle 13:   Affirmative.  Go ahead."

App: "Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with yellow roof
near the lake.  That is my house.  I had a fight with my wife, and I'm worried 
she might take it out on my Harley.  Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?"

Eagle 13:  "Negative, sir.  But I do see a Ryder's truck."



v v v v v








Click here: Wanted: Child-free flights and no wind chimes - Well-Mannered Traveler - MSNBC.com
http://g.msn.com/0NL49287/8840
Everyone has their idea of a perfect world. For me, it would include a ban on wind
chimes. My friend Camille would be happy if “airlines would offer child-free flights.”
I know I’m not likely to get much of a buy-in on a world without wind chimes. And no airline seems
likely to roll out a schedule of child-free flights anytime soon.  In fact, now that schools are starting to let
out for spring vacation, airplanes will be filling up with wound-up kids and stressed-out parents on
their way to grandma’s house, Disney World, and other magical, excitement-inducing destinations.
Of course, anyone who buys a ticket has a right to a seat on an airplane. But it’s invariably those
days when you’re looking forward to a little quiet time or shut-eye on a flight that at least one
otherwise angelic kid (rarely yours; most often someone else’s) will decide to spend the entire trip
crying, whining, rolling on the floor or kicking the back of your seat.



v v v v v



Little Josh was brought to Dr. Gill because he hadn't eaten anything for
days. Dr. Gill  sat down, faced the boy, looked him in the eye. He said, "Look
young man, if you can be stubborn, so can I. You're not going anywhere until you
eat something. You can have whatever you want, but only after you have
eaten will you leave."

Josh just sat and glared for some time, then said "OK. I'll  eat but I have
some conditions. First, I'll have exactly what I want and exactly how I want
it and second you'll share with me."

Dr. Gill was OK with this. He asked the child what he'd like.

"Worms!" said Josh.

Dr. Gill was horrified but didn't want to back out and seem like a loser.
So, he ordered a plate of worms to be brought in.

"Not that many, just one," yelled Josh as he saw the plate.

So, everything other than one worm was removed. Josh then demanded that the
single worm be cut into two pieces and then Dr. Gill eat half.  Dr. Gill went
through the worst ordeal of his life, and after finishing, barely managing to
keep his cool, said, "OK, now eat!"

Josh refused as he sobbed, "No way!  You ate my half!" 



v v v v v





I don't care how optimistic you may
be, a diaper is never half empty.
(Cornelius Robinson)

I've studied it, and it's true that history
does indeed repeat itself. I find that very,
very depressing, except for the part where
I get to bust Naomi Zelinski's cherry again.
(Douglas Frank)

A man's garden is an extraordinary love
song, a sweet duet between the faithful
gardener and his pile of cow dung.
(Jerry L. Embry)

I don't know why women make such a big
deal about guys in tight jeans. Hell,
mine have been tight since third grade.
(Mr. Bill)

                   

v v v v v



Man walks into a psychologist's office wearing a dancer's tutu with a
parrot on his head and a cocktail onion stuffed up each nostril.

The psychologist, humoring him, asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

Man answers, "Well, Doc,  I'm worried about my  brother..."



v v v v v



Atheism is a non-prophet organization



v v v v v







Click here: : : eyals.com : : parkingZone
http://www.designer.co.il/parkingZone/
You have to use logic to park cars in a garage.It may sound boring, but it isn’t.
Even I get a few levels in when Ian’s not looking!   

Click here: Welcome to the Hollywood Stock Exchange - The Entertainment Prediction Market
http://www.hsx.com/
A free game where you are in a virtual stock market buying and selling shares of your favorite movies, rock
groups, and Hollywood stars. As their popularity increases, so does the Value of your portfolio.

Click here: Lifetimetv.com: Games - Multiplayer - photomemory
http://email.lifetimetelevision.com:8080/trk/click?ref=zpn0hoq8t_1-48fx3fd2x32334498&
Test your memory against other players' by matching the pairs of photos - the one with the most matches wins!



v v v v v



"Of all the wild beasts of land or sea, the wildest is woman"


(Menander)



v v v v v



The Top 17 Worst TV Season-Ending Cliffhangers


17> "The Simpsons": Bart swallows a bottle of Marge's Valium after
    realizing he is voiced by a 40-year-old women.

16> "The Sopranos": When Dr. Melfi shows Tony her penis and admits
    to affairs with Paulie, Phil, Carmella, Carmine and Meadow,
    Tony must choose: Whack them all or pursue his dream by moving
    to Nebraska and starting anew as a Pilates instructor.

15> "The Tudors": Will Henry VIII marry Anne Boleyn?!?

14> "Masterpiece Theatre": The countess lays stricken with a
    mysterious ailment, and her only hope is if you, the viewer,
    demonstrate your support for public television by calling
    one of our operators with your pledge right now!

13> "Law & Order": After weathering the blistering media
    inquisition brought on by Jack McCoy's public-court
    masturbation breakdown, D.A. Arthur Branch decides the
    only way to fix this Godforsaken country is to run for
    president in 2008!

12> "The View": In a down-and-dirty chick fight, Elisabeth
    Hasselbeck yanks on Rosie O'Donnell's hair, which comes off,
    along with a mask, and reveals... Mexican wrestler El Santo!

11> "The King of Queens": Will Doug's gender-reassignment surgery
    force a title change?

10> "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?": Eleventh-hour
    negotiations to line up a certain celebrity contestant
    for next season's opener hinge on White House insistence
    on pre-screening the questions.

9> "CSI Miami": Tired of the constant preening and posing in
    the forensics lab, city officials threaten to replace all
    the colored mood lighting with plain old fluorescent bulbs.

8> "Grey's Anatomy": Trouble lurks when Yang's cousin Oliver,
    A.K.A. Dr. McSleezy, starts hitting on Meredith.

7> "House": Dr. House gives up medicine to pursue a career in
    figure skating. When his coach has an embolism on the tour
    bus, House must perform delicate brain surgery with Michelle
    Kwan's left skate as a scalpel.

6> "Lost": The mysterious treetop-dwelling assailant responsible
    for a recent rash of skull fractures and head traumas is
    revealed in the final shot -- but could it really be the
    coconut-wielding ghost of Bob Denver?

5> "24": With only one hour left, Jack Bauer must decide between
    saving humanity and watching "60 Minutes."

4> "Heroes": Safe in his cubicle, Hiro awakens suddenly from the
    most amazing dream, screaming, "No! We're supposed to *shave*
    the cheerleader!"; meanwhile, his evil coworkers conspire
    to slip more acid into his Mountain Dew.

3> "I Love Lucy": Tension mounts when Ricky comes home with
    a double bed.

2> "COPS": Sparks fly when officers Lilith Meyerowitz and
    Lashonda Hairston pull over the obviously inebriated Mel
    Gibson, Michael Richards and Don Imus.


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Worst TV Season-Ending Cliffhanger...


1> "Baywatch": Panicked cries of "Help! Save me!" are ignored
    inside the guard station as a drunken David Hasselhoff tries
    to eat a hamburger off the floor.



v v v v v

Click here: Lastminute Auction - Bargain Hunter - Online Auctions
http://www.lastminute-auction.com/index.php
on eBay.com.
We search current offers on ebay.com for auctions which meet our strict simple criteria:
1. The auction ends in 1 hour.
2. The price is currently 1 dollar or less.
Although we find a bunch of stuff that's not even worth 1 dollar, we're
constantly uncovering some really great deals

Click here: NASA - NASA TV Landing Page
http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/nasatv/
These days, technology has become commonplace. Every day we use computers, digital cameras and cell phones.
So it is understandable that we often take technological advancements for granted.
For example, space missions used to garner a lot of media attention. But as time goes by, we hear less about the space program in the news.
That’s sad, because the technology that lets us explore space is nothing short of amazing. So take some time to appreciate the accomplishments of our space program.
You can start by watching the Atlantis launch that is scheduled for tonight. You can watch it live from NASA’s site. I’ll be watching it! kkomando.com

Click here: SwapThing.com My Thing for Your Thing - Free to join, free listings.
http://www.swapthing.com/
SwapThing is a community of users who want to swap, buy and sell things in a new and different way.  This is NOT
an auction site.  It is a way to swap and sell without the hassle of being outbid for the things you want.

Click here: Starting a Stamp Collection for Free - Free Stamp Resources - Beginner's Guide to Stamp Collecting
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aDe
It doesn't cost much to start a stamp collection. In fact, it could cost nothing. There are many low cost,
and even free, stamp resources out there, you just have to know where to look.

Click here: Ancestry.com - Search Military Records
http://www.ancestry.com/search/rectype/default.aspx?rt=39&o_iid=30795&o_lid=30795&o_it=21416
You can get genealogy tips online. Or, you can create a Web page requesting information on someone in your family.
But perhaps the biggest boon to genealogy is the creation of online databases. Take, for example, Ancestry.com. It has
just created a database of U.S. military records. It spans the Civil War to the Vietnam War. It even includes records from Iraq.
You can search the database for documents such as draft registration cards and casualty listings. It is a treasure trove for any genealogist.

Click here: Star Wars: Welcome to the Official Site
http://starwars.com/
It’s been 20 years since the first Star Wars movie debuted. But Star Wars remains one of the most popular series in movie history.
Fans around the world have flocked to celebrations commemorating the anniversary of Star Wars.
And the Lucasfilm has revamped the Star Wars Web site. You can learn more about the movies. Or you can read about upcoming books and animated films.
But the site’s real draw is the video collection. There are funny videos and old school clips. Once you register, you
can even create your own short videos using some of the video clips.
This site is a must for any Star Wars fan!  kkomando.com

*submitted by*
BillieJo50
Click here: Failure Magazine
http://www.failuremag.com/
Magazine - arts, business, history, sports and more

   

  v v v v v

 
   
"Women are like elephants to me.  I like to look at them
but I would't want to own one"



  (W.C.Fields)



v v v v v



          The Top 7 Benefits of Puppies in the Workplace         


7> At least now when someone poops on the carpet, there's a
    reasonable chance a puppy did it.

6> All of the snuggling, none of the sexual harassment suits!

5> Peeing to mark territory now acceptable.

4> Either way, there will be no hungry rats in the break room by
    the end of the day.

3> "If you do not sign this million-dollar contract with our
    company, I'll kill this puppy!"

2> It saves a lot of kitchen trips when you can just put the
    licked-clean dishes and silverware right back on the tables.


    and the Number 1 Benefit of Puppies in the Workplace...


1> You can compliment the boss's secretary on her huge pair of
    puppies, provided you keep a straight face.

   

v v v v v



An explorer is searching in the Amazon jungle for this lost tribe whose
women are reputed to have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long. 

Finally he finds the tribe and is invited to sit down with the chief.
"Is it correct," he says to the chief," that your women have vaginas that
are three inches wide and twelve inches long?"

"That correct, man," says the chief. 

"However do you manage to have sex with women with vaginas that are three 
inches wide and twelve inches long?" inquires the explorer.

"The chief looks at him as if he were an idiot and says,
"They stretch, man. They stretch!"



v v v v v








Eager Beaver
3 oz Coffee Liquer
1 oz Cointreau
2 oz Rum
Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker half-filled
with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into a highball
glass filled with ice cubes, and serve.



A Goodnight Kiss
1 drop Angostura Bitters
1 splash Campari Bitters

   

v v v v v



"Joint Chiefs of Staff [Chair] Peter Pace is leaving his job. He's the one
who announced that all homosexual acts are immoral, and so is adultery. No
wonder he left. He attacked all the members of Congress."


Jay  Leno



v v v v v



With the immense popularity of Viagra it's not surprising
that the company has now started to produce versions of the
drug for specific groups of customers:

Viagra Lite: For people who only want to masturbate

Viagrallium: A mix of Viagra and Vallium: if you don't get
to fuck, then you don't give a fuck. 



v v v v v



by deb


Let The Northern Lights Erase Your Name
by Vendela Vida

 
"Far, far north, sitting above the Arctic Circle, Lapland is a world made of ice; a place both foreign and perilous
that unexpectedly lures New Yorker Clarissa Iverton from what had finally become a comfortable life. At 14,
her mother disappeared. Now 28, and just days after the death of her father,  Clarissa discovers that he wasn't
her father after all, and the only clues to her true heritage are a world away. Abandoning her fiancé, she flies to
Helsinki, seeking to uncover the secrets her mother kept for so long. While piecing together the fragments
of her mother's mysterious past, Clarissa is led to the Sami, Lapland's native "reindeer people," who dwell
in a stark and frozen landscape, under the northern lights. It is there that she must summon the 
courage to confront an unbearable truth, and the violent act that ties her to this ancient people"

I enjoyed this novel mainly because it was different than most  books I have read lately and
it kept my interest.  Well written!  Sometimes people run from their families and
that doesn't necessarily mean it will be for the best - or is it in this case?  : )

3 stars out of 5 is the best I can do



v v v v v



A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned
something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender,
concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked
inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend
kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on
his girlfriend.

The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy
and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!



v v v v v



*submitted by*
Widow Smith



Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made
my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat
up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad through out the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out 
fishing in that crap?"

I still don't know if she was joking.



v v v v v






Click here: Dummies::Network Security: Anti-Virus Do's and Don'ts
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-1809.html?cid=etipArticleLink
Viruses cost businesses money, and the threat is not going to go away any time soon. The interoperability
between applications only makes it easier for virus writers to release viruses that can
spread quickly and quietly without the user's knowledge
   
Click here: Cursor flaw gives Vista security a black eye | Tech News on ZDNet
http://news.zdnet.com/2100-1009_22-6173115.html?tag=nl.e550
Microsoft's release of a "critical" patch on Tuesday poked holes in Vista's security promises, but security experts
advise against discounting the new operating system. The software giant broke with its monthly patch cycle Tuesday
to fix a bug that cybercrooks had been using since last week to attack Windows PCs, including those running Vista.
"As far as software vulnerabilities go, Vista's cover is blown," said Nand Mulchandani, a vice president at
Determina, the company that discovered the latest security bug. "It is not Superman; it is just a human being. It is
just software. Vista is going to be very similar to the other operating systems
Microsoft has delivered in terms of bugs."



v v v v v



Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.



v v v v v



KISSING: Putting your honey where your mouth is.



v v v v v



The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had
done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said
and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank-you,
here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.
Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's
the matter, did you forget something?"

"Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus
out to dinner and a movie like you asked."



v v v v v






Click here: Recipe4Living - Springtime Luncheon Salad
http://link.yourrecipefortoday.com/s/lt?id=l237800&si=x142823417&pc=i2011&ei=r117944

Recipe4Living - Springtime Spinach Salad
http://www.recipe4living.com/content/view/3225/172/

Recipe4Living - Asparagus, Chicken and Wild Rice Casserole
http://www.recipe4living.com/content/view/10587/164/



v v v v v



Keyboard: Device used to enter errors into the Computer.



v v v v v



Woman to husband at breakfast table:

"It sure is easier to get Junior up for school since he got
his nose ring."



v v v v v




Click here: Apple Macintosh OS X Safari - Adding or Deleting Data in Web Forms with Safari
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3URd
If you frequently fill out online forms with the same information, the Safari browser can simplify the process
by automatically completing web forms using information from previous visits. You can
also delete some or all of this saved information if you wish.




  v v v v v



Q: Why are frogs so happy?

A: They eat whatever bugs them!



  v v v v v



Why does Los Angeles have the largest number of lawyers
and New Jersey the largest number of landfill sites?

New Jersey got first pick.



  v v v v v



In America what's the difference between a jury and a defendant?

At night they lock up the jury and let the defendant go home.



  v v v v v

Correcting Your Adopted Dog's Weight Problem

If the dog you adopted is underweight, choose nutrient-dense dog food as recommended by your vet.  For example, try premium puppy
food or prescription food designed to help dogs gain weight. Or, if your vet recommends it, add healthy, nutrient-dense people
food to his regular kibble, such as chopped meat, whole-milk plain yogurt, olive oil or flax seed oil, and fatty fish. You
want calories, healthy fat, and plenty of vitamins and minerals in every bite of food you feed your dog -- but not junk food or
high-salt or high-sugar content.

If your dog is overweight, you'll do him a big favor if you help him correct this problem with a little more exercise, fewer
treats, and in some cases, a switch to a dog food made for overweight dogs. Your vet can advise you on the best ways to put
weight on or take it off your adopted dog, but in general, dogs lose weight the same way humans do: fewer calories, good
nutrition, and exercise.

Treat your adopted pet well with the help of Adopting a Pet For
Dummies [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764598791.html?cid=eTipBookLink ],
by Eve Adamson.



v v v v v



Two political candidates were having a hot debate.
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other,
"What about the powerful interest that controls you?"

And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"



v v v v v



Keyboard not connected, press <Fl> to continue.



v v v v v



Q. What is the difference between a sewing machine and a
   lady jogging?

A. A sewing machine only has one bobbin.



v v v v v







James Baigrie   
10 New Uses for Ziploc Bags
realsimple.com


In 1963 a unique bag with a plastic zipper seal was introduced at a packaging trade show. Most recently, the seal’s
strength was demonstrated at a Riverton, Wyoming, school, where eighth-grade students discovered an uneaten
sandwich in a Ziploc bag at the bottom of a locker. It had been there for months. Students were so impressed with the bag’s
ability to seal in the odor (and mold growth) that they actually sent a thank-you letter (along with the
sandwich) to the manufacturer, SC Johnson. In a letter back to the students, H. Fisk Johnson, the company
chairman, called the locker “one of the toughest product test sites we’ve ever discovered.”
Good thing Mom didn’t use wax paper.

Use Ziploc Bags to:
1. Knead dough. Place dough in a Ziploc bag so your fingers don’t get sticky. Or slip your hand into the bag and
wear it like a glove.
2. Store panty hose. Nude, Tan, Nearly Naked — they look the same out of the package.
Tear off the corner of the package listing the brand, size, and color, then slip it into a bag.
Store each pair in its own bag to keep hose organized and prevent snags.
3. Remove chewing gum or candle wax from a tablecloth, a couch, or carpeting. Gently rub gum or wax
with a Ziploc bag filled with ice cubes until the substance hardens. Shatter gum with a blunt object, then vacuum
up the chips. Carefully peel off frozen wax with a plastic spatula.
4. Pipe frosting. Snip off a tiny corner to use a Ziploc as a pastry bag.
5. Store homemade soup. Fill up bags, then lay them flat in the freezer. When the bags of soup freeze
flat, you’ll be able to pile them up like stacked books for easy, space-saving storage.
6. Protect precious cargo. No bubble wrap? Slip a straw into the top of a nearly closed Ziploc bag and inflate.
Remove the straw and seal to make a cushion. (Heirlooms, however, should wait for that bubble wrap.)
7. Break up graham crackers or vanilla wafers to make a piecrust. Fill a bag with the cookies, then roll a rolling pin over it.
8. Prevent a handbag from turning into a snow globe. Store pressed powder and other compacts in Ziploc bags.
9. Gather herbs from the garden. Before winter frost sets in, wash, pat dry, and freeze the herbs in Ziploc bags.
10. Ice an injury. Fill a bag with ice cubes to create a cold compress.    



v v v v v



Sister Mary Catherine and Sister Mary Elizabeth are walking
through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits
are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.
Sister Mary Catherine casts her eyes heavenward and cries,

"Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"

Mary Elizabeth turns and says, "Mine does..."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
GuffieBaby


A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby
to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to
the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and
she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped
open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid
broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go
to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the
door and leaned against it, allowing her robe
to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be
your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these
breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my
butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How
can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you
heard someone coming ... that was me."



v v v v v






v v v v v



Most dentists chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went
back and forwards. I thought, "This is unusual."

The dentist said to me, "Mr. Roland, get out of the filing  cabinet."



v v v v v



When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say  "It won't leak in your pocket
and embarrass you." However, the company's  mistakenly thought the Spanish word "embarazar"
meant embarrass.

Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant." 



v v v v v






Click here: Clean Home Journal™ - Gardening
http://www.cleanhomejournal.com/gardening/25_index.asp
Tackle a trellis this spring and create a living art form that will thrive for years. Whether free-standing or
attached to supports, a trellis allows you to feature climbing plants in all their liveliness as well as
obscure unattractive walls or create a "room" inside your garden. Whether you use metal or wood,
knowing how to match the plant to the trellis is essential for success. Read our tips from gardening specialist Kilian Ganly,
then check out how to make your own Rustic Trellis, from Projects for Small Gardens (Ryland Peters & Small, 2002).

Click here: Clean Home Journal™ - Gardening
http://www.cleanhomejournal.com/gardening/28_index.asp
Forcing is the term for fooling bulb flowers into thinking it's spring. It's also the best way to fill your
home with colorful, fragrant flowers for the holidays. While some bulbs like tulips and hyacinths require a
substantial period of pre-cooling, paperwhites and amaryllises require no cold treatment, bloom in a few
short weeks, and can be grown with or without soil. Now's the time to turn your brown thumb green!
   
   

v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net



An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan
officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for
the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The
Italian produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan
and apologized for having to charge12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the
bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the$5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer

Said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out
and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you
bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Italian replied: "Minga, where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"



v v v v v







worldstart.com


Ever wonder what the difference is between downloading, uploading and installing? I mean, they all
sound like they could be the same thing, so what does each bring to the table
of the computer world? Well, here's a rundown for you.

Downloading - This is moving a file that's on the Internet (or over a network) onto your computer.
For most of us, downloading is just a matter of clicking a download link on a Web site and saving the file to a disk.

Uploading - This is actually the opposite of downloading. With uploading, you take a file from your computer
and send it to a computer on the Internet (or a computer/server on a network). This is usually done with
an FTP client, but some Web sites will allow you to send files to them via your Web browser.

Installing - This is often confused with downloading, but it's a different animal. When you install something,
you basically "put" the program on your computer so you can use it. Normally, this is done via a setup program
(or wizard) to make the installation easier. Once you're finished installing a program, you can
usually run it from your Start menu, Programs area.



v v v v v

   

The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are
urinate and attend funerals.



v v v v v



A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Dave's  
neighborhood. "How often a week do you sleep with your wife?"  
asked the inquirer.  

"Three times," Dave' said without hesitation.  

"Hmm, that is once more often than your neighbor," the inquirer  
said, writing.  

"That makes sense," Dave' said, "after all, she is MY wife."  



v v v v v





Click here: Eat Healthier on the Go
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5Bsv
You can still eat on-the-go if you're losing weight. It just takes a little planning
and some smarts about ordering ... use these tips!

Click here: Do Your Breast Self-Exam (BSE)
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1Ck/Qy&sdn=weightloss&cdn=health&tm=20&gps=112_79_1178_833&f=00&su=p
284.5.420.ip_p674.0.400.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//breastcancer.about.com/od/doyourbreastselfexam/ht/bse_howto.htm
Breast self examination (BSE) is to be performed in addition to an annual mammogram or a professional exam.
Knowing your cyclical changes, what is normal for you, and and what the regular monthly changes
in the breast feel like is the best way to keep an eye on your breast health.

Click here: Warning Signs of Lymphoma
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1Ck/Qz&sdn=breastcancer&cdn=health&tm=36&gps=38_119_1178_833&f=00&su=
p284.5.420.ip_&tt=7&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//lymphoma.about.com/od/symptoms/tp/warningsigns.htm
Lymphoma occurs inoccuously, often so harmlessly that it takes some time before you may realize that there
is anything seriously wrong. Here is a list of the common symptoms of lymphoma. But you must remember that most
of these symptoms are common with many harmless conditions. You should not panic if you have any of these
symptoms. Consult your doctor, and he will be able to address most of your fears and doubts.
   


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THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE P'ENIS:


"Is it real?"

"Hot diggity dog!"

"Am I dreaming?"

"Can I keep you?"

" So THAT'S why they call you "Big Dave"'

"Excuse me while I clear my throat..."

Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, "Thank you, God"

And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, "I DO!"
   


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A senior citizen goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, I have sex
only once a week."

The doctor asks, "How old are you ?"

The patient replies "Seventy-five. "

Wait now. You're 75 and have sex once a week. I think that's
wonderful. What are you complaining about ?"

"My neighbor is almost eighty years old, and he says he has sex three
times a week, every week."

The doctor smiled and said, "I can easily solve your problem. From
now on, you say the same thing."



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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Click here: ~*~It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night~*~
http://jbreck.com/itsshardtokiss.html

*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here: Torn Pants Prank - blipjunkie.com
http://www.clipjunkie.com/Torn-Pants-Prank-vid1069.html
This is cute!

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click here: Arcade Nerds Arcade - Free Games - Fart Machine
http://www.arcadenerds.com/games/Fart-Machine



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Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long
until the conversation got around to their line
of work and what kind of cars they drove.

" I'm a veterinarian", said the first fellow.
"So, naturally, I drive a 'Vet' ".

As they smiled and nodded, the second man said,
"I own a sign company, so I drive a Neon".

Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he
was egged on by the other two.  "Well", he finally said,
"I'm a proctologist...  and I have a brown Probe"



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Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on
the same side.



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Retirement
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1711.html
Here!

This is WHY you don't cheat ...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1712.html
Here!

...use it on the leaves!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1713.html
Here!

Booby trapped
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1714.html
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He'll never hear the end of it from the rest of the herd!
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Here!

New Specifications
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1096.html
Here!

It's A Celebration
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1097.html
Here!

Only Used Once
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1098.html
Here!

He's Got it Right!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1099.html
Here!

Please Explain
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1100.html
Here!

Dozing Off...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/002.htm
Here



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Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control



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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind



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©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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