Editor:
DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet
FUN
Yep,
that's what I have for you this week - well that and some other interesting
stuff. Life is pretty busy for me lately, so I am going to run errands
while you peruse this latest issue!
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted
to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep
current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my
heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to
ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have
demonstrated that if we drink one liter of water each day, at
the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of
Escherichia coli (E.coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words,
we are consuming one kilo of Poop.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine, rum, scotch,
whiskey, beer or other liquor, because alcohol has to go through
a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop
Scotch, Beer, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to
drink water and be full of shit.
There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm
doing it as a public service.
v
v v v v
"We can stay out late tonight," Joe told his friend Bob. "My wife's
gone for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean."
"Jamaica?" Bob asked.
"No, it was her idea."
v
v v v v
Click here: Debsnewsletter
- Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
v
v v v v
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho," and went out
walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard,
the visitor tried starting a conversation:
"Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right
over there."
v
v v v v
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love at first sight. I even
have a special word for it:
"lust."
v
v v v v
"Anheuser-Bush is being accused of creating a new alcoholic
drink designed to appeal to underage drinkers. The critics may
have a point: The new drink is called Harry Potter and the Malt Liquor."
Conan O'Brien
v
v v v v
Click here: Vista: The Last
of the Windows?
http://go.infopackets.com/e20061215-12
Microsoft is leaning towards steady, web-based updates of its systems in the
future. According to
tech predictors Gartner, Microsoft will be at the head of the class in offering
this incremental service,
which might actually lead to far more stable operating systems. That would certainly
be welcome
news amidst all of the troubles Vista has faced in the past.
v
v v v v
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his
four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was
fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin
turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a
golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long- term
capital gain?"
v
v v v v
Q: What did one eye say to the other eye?
A: Between you and me something smells!
v
v v v v
"Not such a great day for Donald Trump. NBC has canceled 'The
Apprentice.' You just know all those NBC executives were fighting
over who got to say, 'You're fired.'"
Craig Ferguson
v
v v v v
I
love "Date Night" with my wife.
The way I see it, if we stay married, it's a beautiful romantic gesture.
If we don't, it's good practice.
v
v v v v
Click
here: Welcome to YouMail
http://www.tuglet.com/URLMRecordsTheURLThing.asp?nID=220256&f=youmail.com/
YouMail is the new voice mail for cell phones. Among many features, it allows
you to record unique voice
greetings for anyone who calls you, based on their caller ID. Individualize
your voice greetings for
friends, family or important callers while maintaining a standard greeting for
work and unknown callers.
Check your voice messages from any phone or via the web and forward favorite
messages to anyone via email.
Have fun with the already infamous DITCHMAIL feature that hangs up on unwanted
callers after your custom greeting for them is played.
YouMail works with your existing phone and carrier and is easy to trial without
risk. YouMail is free for users
who sign up now while there are still beta accounts available and easy to change
back
and forth between your current voice mail and YouMail.
v
v v v v
A police officer stopped a car which was zigzagging alarmingly and asked the
driver what he was doing.
"I am learning to drive," was the reply.
"What? without an instructor?" exclaimed the officer.
"Oh yes," answered the driver. "It's a correspondence course."
v
v v v v
The
Results of Statistics
1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar
bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant
v
v v v v
*submitted
by*
lindaklebe@webtv.net
v
v v v v
CARAMEL
BROWNIES
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
14 ounces caramels
1/3 cup evaporated milk
8 ounces german sweet chocolate
6 tablespoons butter
4 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 cup flour (sifted)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
6 ounces chocolate chips
1 cup chopped walnuts
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9 x 13 baking pan. Combine caramels
and evaporated milk in top
of double boiler over low heat. Cover and simmer until caramels are melted,
stirring occasionally. Set aside,
keeping warm. Combine German sweet chocolate and butter in 2 quart saucepan.
Place over low heat stirring
occasionally until melted. Remove from heat. Cool to room temperature. Beat
eggs until foamy using electric
mixer at high speed. Gradually add sugar, beating until mixture is thick and
lemon colored. Sift together flour,
baking powder and salt. Add to egg mixture mixing well. Blend in cooled chocolate
mixture and vanilla. Spread
half of mixture into prepared baking pan. Bake for 6 minutes. Remove from oven
and spread caramel mixture
carefully over baked layer. Sprinkle with chocolate chips. Stir 1/2 cup of walnuts
into remaining chocolate batter.
Spread batter by spoonfuls over the caramel layer. Sprinkle with remaining nuts.
Bake for 20 minutes.
Cool in pan on rack.
* Refrigerate before cutting into bars or squares - it
will be difficult to cut if not chilled first.
v
v v v v
Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of
marriage as he was sensitive
about his artificial leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he
couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancée' about
his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress,
nor when they picked the time and place.
All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at
which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went and the young couple were at last alone in their
hotel room.
"Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his artificial
leg,
slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.
"Hmmmmmm," she said softly, "That IS a surprise. But pass me the
Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"
v v v v v
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
WaltWiso
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence, one
from Texas, another from Tennessee, and the third from Florida.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for
materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring,
then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my
crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Texas contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over
to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?
"$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee!
v v v v v
The
Top 14 Last Words of Jerry Falwell
(Part
I)
14> "Screw the Lipitor, I feel fine!"
13> "I'd always wondered what it would be like to try this with a contortionist."
12> "Do I look fat in this hospital gown?"
11> "Autoerotic what? Never mind, it sounds like fun. I'll give it a shot."
10> "Waiter! More bacon and gravy!"
9> "Waitasecond... what if one of you Jew doctors is the anti-Christ?"
8> "Reverend Falwell here. Hello, Reverend Haggard! How are y--
What? '60 Minutes' found the video we made in Vegas?!?"
7> "My new grandson's name is Tinky Winky Falwell?"
6> "Agent McAvoy? What kind of name is that for a hooker dressed
like a school girl?"
5> "WTF? THEY CANCELED 'GILMORE GIRLS'!!!"
4> "... and if I have abused the trust and faith of millions for
personal gain, may the Lord strike me dead right here and
n--"
3> "It's chilly in here. Could someone please turn up the goddamn heat?"
2> "Lord, please send me where I can do the most good."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Last Words of Jerry Falwell...
1> "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me
on the way to churc-- AAAGH!"
v v v v v
Top 10: fun beach getaways
Looking for a little fun in the sun? Escape to these hot destinations that
specialize in cool nightlife and sizzling beaches.
1. Key
West, Fla.
2. Nassau,
Bahamas
3. Los
Cabos, Mexico
4. Miami
Beach, Fla.
5. Daytona
Beach, Fla.
6. nt
face="Arial">Negril, Jamaica
7. Cancun,
Mexico
8. South
Padre Island, Texas
9. Panama
City, Fla.
10. Rio
de Janeiro, Brazil
v
v v v v
The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra,
but he doesn't want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it
for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription.
Home is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the little blue
pills.
When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife with words.
That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes. They tear off each others
clothes and are quickly in bed.
He manages to "rise to the occasion" three times.
*Three times!* He expects his wife to be delighted, but instead, she seems rather
sad.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asks
"I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and it's
doing you in," she sighs
.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, even our sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages,
and then three come all at once!"
v
v v v v
The
executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you
could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
v
v v v v
Of course those pants don't make your
ass fat. It's the fat cells in your
ass itself that do that, and, as a
biology major, you should know better!
(Brad
Simanek)
I was wondering whether it should be
"French bread" or "french bread." Then
I figured, what the hell, it's only France.
(Hyetal)
Switching to an electric toothbrush provides even
more advantages than cleaner teeth and healthier gums.
Its small head saves a ton on toothpaste usage, and
if you don't mind a few tears, works great on nose hair.
(Michael
Cunningham)
v
v v v v
A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting,
checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her
bags. Noticing that her favorite suit had been badly wrinkled
during the flight, she phoned the front desk and asked to have
the hotel's valet service pick up the suit for pressing.
Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded
at the door and there stood an elderly Chinaman.
Impressed by the speedy service, the career woman exclaimed,
"My, you come lickety-split!"
"No ma'am," replied the old Chinaman, "I come get laundry."
v
v v v v
What's the definition of eternity?
The length of time between when YOU come
and SHE leaves.
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
KP1983
Click here: http://flash.abunawaf.com/2005/12/game33.swf
http://flash.abunawaf.com/2005/12/game33.swf
Click on the red squares by touching them with your cursor - in numerical order
- I tried it once - - kinda boring!
Click
here: Brick Buster Games and Free Trial PC Games at BigFishGames.com
http://www.bigfishgames.com/downloads/brickbuster/games.html
I just *love* Magic Ball 3 - seriously!
Click
here: Paparazzi Game Download at Big Fish Games
http://www.bigfishgames.com/downloads/paparazzi/index.html?src=bfg12y0xenl0209
Get a glimpse into the bizarre world of tabloid newspapers as you travel the
country on the trail of hot gossip
and absurd news stories. Use your eyes and quick reflexes to capture photos
of strange subjects
and sell them to humorous tabloid newspapers for valuable cash. Join the Paparazzi
v
v v v v
As the ocean wind sprayed salt water in my hair, I
gazed longingly into her beautiful sapphire eyes and
whispered sweetly those
three words that I had been so scared to say
until that glorious moment: "Gimme some sex."
v
v v v v
Mary: "So somehow we started talking about doctors and hospitals and
surgeries, and I told him about my breast surgery."
Jill: "And then?"
Mary: "Well, naturally, he asked, "Could I just SEE 'em?"
Jill: "And you told him no, I hope."
Mary: "Yeah, I said, No, 'just see 'em' becomes 'just touch 'em, 'and 'just
touch 'em' becomes 'just kiss 'em,' and 'just kiss 'em' becomes 'just suck
'em.' and..."
Jill: "And what?"
Mary: "And I asked, Wanna see 'em in the bedroom?"
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here:
Føø|ìsh
http://messaging.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=mail.reply&friendId=156523876&type=in
box&messageID=288394528&fed=True&MyToken=d89391a7-c116-48fd-b37f-8589cadd26df
Click
here: 5 Bad Habits that Could Ruin Your Marriage
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/Family/save_your_marriage_from_these_bad_habits.asp
Like every bad habit, the bad habits that married couples develop start to become
routine if they aren’t put
in check quickly. When an individual develops a bad habit, it’s up to them and
only them to break it. But when married
couples develop bad habits as a unit, they both have to make the conscious effort
to identify how they’re contributing
to the problems and also how they can be a positive influence for the other.
v
v v v v
George Washington had fifty-five children with slaves, so he was
also the illegitimate father of the country. We should take him
off the dollar and put him on food stamps
v
v v v v
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I'm coming down with something.
v
v v v v
Word to the wise: If you're a heavy drinker like
me, always wear bright clothes when going
to a
bar. That way when you pass out in the street or
parking lot later, you'll be much easier to spot.
v
v v v v
Surf
Anonymously
Not too long ago hiding your tracks on the Web usually meant finding an open
proxy server to surf through
or paying for proxy software like Anonymizer
($30), which redirects traffic through its own proxy servers.
Today there's a better solution, and it's free: the Torpark
browser. Torpark is a Firefox-based browser designed to
access the Tor network of encrypted proxies. When you use the Torpark browser,
your Web session bounces
through multiple secure proxies, encrypted all the way, until your request
reaches its destination. Torpark is a
quick download and doesn't require a formal install on your PC; just launch
the executable when you
need it and make sure the Tor Network icon is active when the browser starts.
Secure browsing is considerably slower than regular browsing, though, so skip
it If you
don't need the extra security---and most people don't most of the time.
v
v v v v
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new
motorcycle.
Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
"I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"
v
v v v v
The
Top 14 Last Words of Jerry Falwell
(Part
II)
14> "Well, I'll be damned!"
13> "Kee-rist! You're doin' it wrong! Lick your hand, sprinkle
the salt, lick the salt, THEN down the tequila."
12> "You remind me of a bit Jessica Hahn."
11> "I wonder what's in this 'Photochop of Falwell rogering Tinky Winky --
LOL!!' e-mail."
10> "Okay, girls, here's your $1000. Now you two get down to
business first, then I'll join in."
9> "'Full House' is on! Dammit, where's my lube?"
8> "And to follow in my footsteps, I hereby nominate Fred Phelps."
7> "Chris Hansen? Outside with a 'Dateline' crew?!?"
6> "Great news! We were able to get a last minute replacement
to step in as Liberty University's commencement speaker.
Um... Dick Cheney's daughter -- why do you ask?"
5> "Slow down, Pat, this leather corset is *really* making me sweat!"
4> "Hello, Lynwood Correctional Facility? I'd like to volunteer
to personally minister to your newest inmate, Ms. Hilton."
3> "Young lady, are you familiar with the ancient religious
cleansing ritual known as bukkake?"
2> "I'd sell my soul for a bag of Funyons right about now."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Last Words of Jerry Falwell...
1> "Whew! They don't call you *Oral* Roberts for nothing!"
v
v v v v
v v v v v
There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob.
v
v v v v
A
guy goes into a public washroom and has to use the only available
urinal, between two elderly men.
He glances to his left and sees the guy pissing, but there are two streams.
"What the hell is that?" he asks.
"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were
able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes"
Then the guy looks to his right and sees. . . three streams !!!
"What the hell is that?"
"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes"
The two veterans then look over at the guy in the middle and see 12 streams!!
"War wound??"
"Naah, my zipper's stuck"
v v v v v
*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click
here: Love Ya!!
http://www.positivethoughts.com/greeting_card_loveya.htm?time_then=1171791228
*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click here: Just For You!
http://asandboxgreeting.com/4ucreddy.html
2. Click here:
Friends Are...
http://asandboxgreeting.com/friendsarelike.html
v
v v v v
It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful
v
v v v v
A girl was telling her date about her old boyfriend, and while
doing so was stroking her beer bottle up and down many times.
Finally her date has had enough and says,"You're always thinking
about him. Why don't you think about me once in a while?"...
"OK!" she says and starts stroking the top two inches of her bottle
v
v v v v
Click here: Weebles Wobble
But Your Wheels Shouldn't
http://autorepair.about.com/b/a/000007.htm
if your car was fine yesterday, and is shaking today, get out and check
the tightness of your lugs (the
bolts that hold your wheels on). There's nothing like being passed on the highway
by one of your own wheels,
especially when fate lets another half a block pass before the wheel-less side
of your
car hits the pavement. It'll take years off your life.
v
v v v v
*submitted
by*
WMBAAS
A good friend of mine recently got back from a trip to Sedona,
Arizona. Sedona is the place where New Age freakazoids are
flocking because they believe the place has mystical and
healing powers.
Anyway, my buddy said he was walking down the street when he
came across an American Indian in full regalia with a long
feather headress raising his right hand and saying "some" to
all the women walking by.
My buddy went up to him and said, "Don't you mean 'how'"?
The Indian looked at him and said, "Me know how. Me want some."
v
v v v v
*submitted
by*
WMBAAS
YOU MIGHT BE IN A "REDNECK" VOLUNTEER FIRE DEPARTMENT IF....
* Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled
over for drag racing ... on the way to a fire.
* Your firehouse has wheels.
* Fire training consists of everyone standing around a bonfire,
swapping fish stories and drinking.
* You've ever let someone's house burn down because they wouldn't
let you hunt on their property.
* You don't own a Dalmatian, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
* You've walked through a Christmas display and came up with at
least three new ideas for the lighting scheme on your fire truck.
* Your engine had to be towed in the last parade through town.
* Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
* Your defibrillator is a pair of jumper cables and a marine battery.
* Your pumper truck has been *on* fire more times than it's been *to* a fire.
v
v v v v
v v v v v
A 75 year old tycoon and his 22 year old blonde bride were on their way
from the wedding reception to the honeymoon suite at the Plaza.
Suddenly he had a tremendous heart attack. The paramedics were
called to the scene and worked to stabilize the old man.
The paramedics labored furiously over his frail body as the ambulance
rushed across town. The tycoon's pulse remained feeble and erratic, so,
one of the medics turned to the blonde bride and said, "How about
giving your husband a few words of encouragement? I think he could use them."
"Okay," she agreed with a shrug. She leaned toward the
stretcher and whispered, "Honey, I hope you perk up real fast.
I'm so horny I'm ready to hop on one of these cute guys in white."
v v v v v
Men
are like ... coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like ... chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... road kill
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.
v
v v v v
Click
here: Hi N Dri WP (zip), from Tartan Themes - Free Downloads on ZDNet | Shareware,
Trialware, Evaluation Software
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Click
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http://downloads.zdnet.com/download.aspx?&scname=Screensavers+-+Enhancements+-+Windows&docid=281319&promo=100510
Angelina Jolie screensaver contains photos slideshow. Angelina Jolie (born June
4, 1975) is an American
film actress, a former fashion model and a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee
Agency. She is often cited
by popular media as one of the world's most beautiful women and her off-screen
life is widely reported. She
has received three Golden Globe Awards, two Screen Actors Guild Awards and an
Academy Award
v
v v v v
Jones took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. "This is
one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said. "Maybe you can do
something for her? She goes for any man and I get very jealous."
"We'll see," the doctor said. He directed Mrs. Jones into his examining
room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress. Then he told
her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.
The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm. It
was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and
began to screw her.
Jones suddenly heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to
control himself, he pushed open the door, to be confronted by the sight
of the doctor astride his wife banging away.
"Doctor, what are you doing?" he asked.
The flustered doctor said, "Oh, it's you, Jones? I'm only taking your
wife's temperature!"
Jones opened his switchblade knife and began to hone it on his sleeve
very deliberately. "Ok Doc,....." he said, "but when you take that
thing out, it better have numbers on it!!!!"
v
v v v v
It was so warm today, that Angelina Jolie adopted Ben & Jerry.
v
v v v v
Top
Ten Gayest Songs Ever
Today Daily Show veteran Frank DeCaro kicked off NYC Gay Pride Weekend
with this countdown on his Sirius radio show, OutQ 106.
Top Ten Gayest Songs Ever
1. Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur - "Bosom Buddies"
2. Sylvester - "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)"
3. ABBA - "Dancing Queen"
4. Andy Bell & k.d. lang - "Enough is Enough"
5. Tim Curry - "Sweet Transvestite"
6. Pete Shelley - "Homosapien"
7. Doris Day - "Secret Love"
8. Klaus Nomi - "You Don't Own Me"
9. The Weather Girls - "It's Raining Men" [Fun fact: co-written by Paul
Shaffer]
10. The Smiths - "Handsome Devil" / David Bowie - "Boys Keep Swinging"
(Tie!)
v
v v v v
Vincenzo and Luigi were sitting on a bench in a New York park.
"Hey," said Vincenzo, "do you likea biga fat woman with a longa, greasy, straggly
hair?"
"No, I'ma no likea dat" replied Luigi .
"Den, you likea da woman stinka bad a garlic alla da time?"
inquired Vincenzo .
"Nope, I'ma no lika dat kind either!" said Luigi .
"You musta likea da woman with a big, thicka hips anna varicose
veins, no?" asks Vincenzo .
"Notta me!" answered Luigi .
"How about da woman witha da big ass and hairy arms," asks Vincenzo
"Never lika dat!" answered Luigi .
"Den you Guinea bastard, whya you keepa fuckin' my wife?" Vincenzo asked
v
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Grilled
Garlic Bread
Ingredients
1 C. mayonnaise
6 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
3/4 C. grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 C. shredded Cheddar cheese
1 Tbs. half-and-half
1/4 tsp. paprika
1 (1-lb.) loaf French bread, halved lengthwise
Directions
Turn on oven to 350 degrees. Preheat grill for high heat and lightly oil grate.
In a medium bowl, mix mayonnaise, garlic
and Parmesan cheese. In a medium saucepan over medium low heat, mix the Cheddar
cheese, half-and-half,
and paprika. Stir constantly until melted and well blended. Pour into
the bowl with mayonnaise mixture. Thoroughly
mix together. Place French bread in the preheated oven. Heat until lightly toasted,
about 5 minutes. Remove French
bread from oven. Spread with the blended mixture. Wrap tightly in foil.
Place on the preheated grill,
and cook 15 minutes, or until the mixture is warm and bubbly.
Makes 1 loaf.
v
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, toothpicks?
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I
think we could balance the Federal Budget if we taxed sex. Everyone would pay
their share.
Young people would pay more taxes and your tax liability would decrease as you
got older.
(some of us)
It would also promote family values. How would you like to come home to your
wife and have her
ask, "Honey, why is your tax bill larger than mine?" Or be a teenager and come
home to your dad with
your tax bill in his hand.
We wouldn't have to pay people to work for the IRS, they would be paying to
work there just so
they could review people's returns.
Locker room conversations would change.."Get a load of this tax bill!"
The forms would change a little also. We would now have a 1040Quickee.
And it would give a whole new meaning to the phrase..
"Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
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How can you identify the Polock at a Cock fight?
He's the one who brought the duck.
How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?
He's the one who bets on the duck.
How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?
The duck wins.
v
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Click here: You've got a friend flash movie
http://indigo.org/friends/
What
Dogs Are at Risk for Cancer?
Many factors can boost the odds that a dog will get cancer. Those factors include
* Age: According to the Animal Cancer Center at Colorado
State University, 50 percent of dogs and cats develop
cancer if they live 10 years or longer. In part, this huge percentage is a sign
of success, at least from a
veterinary perspective, because advances in veterinary medicine have enabled
more dogs to reach seniorhood.
And because more dogs are reaching seniorhood, the seniors are more likely to
develop cancer than youthful
pooches are. In addition, the wear and tear of accumulating years can make a
senior dog more
vulnerable to cancer than his youthful counterpart, who hasn't had as much time
to strain his working parts.
* Heredity: Cancer often runs in families, so a dog with
relatives who've had cancer is more likely to draw a
cancer diagnosis than a dog whose forebearers have been cancer free.
* Body type: Scientists have found that physical characteristics
may predispose a dog to developing a
particular cancer. Large dogs, for example, may be more prone to developing
bone cancer, or osteosarcoma,
because their legs must tolerate the stress of the dogs' weight. Dark-skinned
dogs seem more prone to
developing melanoma, a skin tumor that can be cancerous for a canine.
* Breed: Although dogs of any breed -- or mix -- can develop
cancer, certain breeds are more likely to
develop different forms of cancer. For example, English Setters are among the
breeds that appear predisposed to
developing breast cancer, and Boxers are one of the breeds that have higher
odds of developing mast cell
cancer (a kind of skin cancer), compared to the overall canine population. Only
a few types of dogs may be
affected by some cancers; for example, almost all cases of histocitosis of Bernese
Mountain Dogs occur in that breed.
* Sun exposure: A light-skinned, thin-haired pooch who likes to
sunbathe may find himself with a case of skin
cancer later in life. Just like with people, sun exposure can cause damage to
skin cells that leads to cancer.
Keep your dog healthy and happy through the later years with the
help of Senior Dogs For Dummies
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/product
Cd-0764558188.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Susan McCullough.
v
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I used to complain that I had no shoes until
I met a man who had no feet. Then I complained
because he got the good parking spot.
v
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Click
here: How to Sign an Apartment Lease
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/3&sdn=apartments&cdn=homegarden&tm=74&gps=72_131_1193_850&f=
00&su=p284.2.420.ip_&tt=3&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//apartments.about.com/od/leases/ht/sign_a_lease.htm
You’ve found an apartment you love. Now what? Well, now you begin the process
of signing the apartment
lease, during which you must not let your desire for the apartment turn off
all critical thinking faculties.
You are about to part with a
lot of money and sign a legally-binding document that is difficult to get
out of, so
remain focused during this last stretch by familiarizing yourself with how the
lease signing works.
v
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One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people!
v
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*submitted by*
WMBAAS
In original native culture of Thailand, when males reach the
age of 18 they participate in a ceremony as follows:
They stand naked in a large circle, facing inward. A beautiful
naked girl does a sexy dance in the center of the circle. Behind
each male is a beautiful naked girl. As soon as all the males
are excited and have erections, the girls behind them reach through
between their legs, pull their erect penises downward and then
release them. Their penises spring back up and go "WHAP!" against
their bellies. This is considered a measurement of strength of masculinity.
And that's why the capital of Thailand is called Bangkok
v
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Planting
for Fragrance
When we think of flowers, most of us associate them with our favorite fragrances.
A problem with the newer varieties of
flowers, is the loss of scent. As they have made the blooms bigger and better,
they have often lost the lovely fragrance
of the old-fashioned flowers in our grandmother's gardens.
If you use your nose at the nursery, however; you can still fill your backyard
with sweet aromas. There are fragrance
plants for all times of the season. You can select from trees, shrubs, bulbs,
and annual or perennial flowers.
The ideal place to locate fragrant plants is where you are the most. If you
spend a lot of time on your patio or deck,
plant the flowers in pots around your chairs and tables. Plants under your windows
will waft their perfume into your
home. Herbs release their scents when the leaves are brushed, so plant them
along pathways or even between stepping stones.
Remember, if you really like a fragrance, the more of that plant--the better!
Some annuals you might want to try:
1. Sweet alyssum (Lobularia marima)--An often (maybe over) used edging plant,
that has a very sweet fragrance. It
prefers full sun and comes in purple or white varieties.
2. Lemon marigolds (Tagetes)--Unlike the other marigolds, this one has a pleasant
citrus smell. It is a good edging plant
with a mounding form and is also an edible flower.
3. Carnation (Dianthus)--Nothing compares to its distinctive spicy fragrance.
Make sure you deadhead them often.
4. Scented Geranium (Pelargonium)--The best scented plants!
There are zillions of different varieties and scents to choose from. My favorites
are:
a. Peppermint (P.Tomentosum)--It smells just like candy canes and it makes a
good hanging plant. The leaves are fuzzy.
b. Apple (P. odoratissimum)--It smells like apple candy, and is also a good
hanging plant.
c. Rose (P. Graveolens)--One of the largest, very susceptible to whiteflies.
An old- fashioned rose fragrance.
5. Nicotiana (N. Alata)--Tube-shaped blossoms that the hummingbirds love. The
fragrance is most noticable in the
evening, so if you spend time outdoors then, this is the flower for you.
6. Pinks (Dianthus)--Definately one you need to smell before
you choose. Not all pinks have the spicy, carnation scent.
Perennials:
1. Anise Hyssop (Agastache foeniculum)--An herb that has a licorice scent.
Another favorite of hummingbirds.
2. Hosta (H. plantaginea)--'Royal Standard' is particularly fragrant.
3. Lily of the Valley (Convallaria)-- They perfume the entire neighborhood.
Generally, they like a moist, shaded area. If
you can get them established, they will grow almost anywhere.
4. Lavender (L. angustifolia)--Not reliably hardy here, but worth trying in
your garden.
5. Phlox (P. Paniculata)--The white varieties are the most fragrant.
6. Sweet Woodruff (Galium odoratum)--An herb that is used as a groundcover in
the moist shade under trees. Makes a good
sachet when its dried, the leaves smell like freshly cut grass.
Shrubs:
1. Mock Orange (Philadelphus coronarius)--A very sweet spring fragrance. Needs
a lot of pruning to stay in good shape.
2. Clethra (C. anifolia)--Blossoms in mid-summer and lasts for a long time.
Very sweet fragrance.
3. Roses (Rosa Rugosa)--Unlike their more tender relatives, these are hardy
shrub roses. The blossoms have a spicy scent
and appear off and on all summer. My favorite is the old variety "Hansa."
4. Lilacs (Syringa)--'Miss Kim' is a good choice. A more compact shrub.
There are many other plants that deserve a place in your
fragrance garden. If you plan wisely, you can enjoy fragrance
in your yard all summer long. Remember, smell before you buy!
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"A study in Italy showed that people who eat a lot of pizza
are less likely to get colon cancer. And another study says
masturbation reduces risk of prostate cancer. It's what I've
always said: Diet and exercise."
Jay Leno
v
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Viagra is the work of the devil. Now we girls can look forward to having sex
with really old guys, for a really long time.
I can see it now.
He's screaming, 'Who's your granddaddy, who's your granddaddy?
I can't remember.
What were we doing? Was I enjoying it?'"
v
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Windows
Tips: 20 Ways to Keep Your Windows XP System Fresh
Contributing Editor Scott Dunn
Microsoft's new Windows Vista operating system is almost here, but do
you really need it? If you don't yet feel the need to invest in a new
OS, or if your hardware doesn't meet Vista standards, you'll find that
a regular maintenance regimen--along with an occasional checkup--will
keep XP rolling along for years to come. In fact, a few simple tweaks
can tip the scales in favor of keeping XP around while early-adoption
pioneers work the bugs out of Vista.
PC World - Windows Tips: 20 Ways to Keep Your Windows
XP System Fresh
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,127734/article.html?tk=nl_srxcol
These 20 tips will keep your XP system lean and mean by tuning its performance,
minimizing some of its bells and whistles, and tweaking
the six-year-old OS to bring it up to speed with more recent applications,
such as media playback and wireless networking. ...
Read the complete column online:
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,127734/article.html?tk=nl_srxcol
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A lovely dark-haired girl appeared at the pearly gates and asked
St Peter for permission to enter. That venerable figure asked her
the usual questions, ending with, "And are you a virgin?"
She quickly answered, "YES, of course I am." At that point,
St. Peter rang for the angel in charge of such things to make the
proper examination of the young applicant. When he finished,
the examining angel reported that his only findings were seven
slight dents in her maidenhood. It was decided not to deny her
admission for such a trifling matter, and St. Peter got out the
big ledger book and pen.
"Your name, Please, young lady?" he queried.
"SNOW WHITE," She promptly answered.
v
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Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her
back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you
wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked.
"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier
to move if he's not on it."
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Who's
Angrier -- Men or Women?
Current research by psychologist Wolfgang Linden and his colleagues at the University
of British Columbia challenge the
long-held notion that women tend to suppress anger more than men, which can
lead to an increase in resentment. On the contrary,
Linden found that women tended to use different anger coping techniques -- for
example, seeking social support from other
women with whom they discuss their feelings -- than their male counterparts,
who relied more on overt aggression (attack the
source) as a means of expressing their anger. This suggests that women are more
likely to resolve their anger in a timely fashion
and not experience the residual effects of chronic hostility.
Disengage from rage with the help of The Anger Management For
Dummies [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0470037156.html?cid=etipBookLink
],
by W. Doyle Genry, PhD.
Click here: Healthopedia.com
- Breast Cancer
http://www.healthopedia.com/breast-cancer.html
Breast Cancer symptoms, treatments and so much more
v
v v v v
Two men were in the pub discussing their latest sexual conquests. The
first
man says he picked up this girl last week and they agreed to go back to his
house and have sex.
Once in the house the girl stripped off her clothes, lay down on the bed
with legs apart and panted, "I want you to give me twelve inches and make me
bleed."
The second man not for one moment believed his friend was that well-hung,
asked what he did. "Well" he says, "What could I do? -- I
laid her twice and
smacked her in the face with a skillet!!"
v
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A woman called her husband at work and told him that there was a
bad leak in the kitchen. He told her to call the plumber and
have it fixed.
A few hours later he gave her a call and asked, "Has the plumber
come yet?"
She replied, "Not yet, but I have him breathing hard."
v
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Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~
* a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/381.html
Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~
* a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/382.html
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Click
here: George W. Bush's Answer for the Gas Shortage
http://www.octanecreative.com/Parodyville/dubya_thinks/gas_shortage.html
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Top
Ten Ways Pope Benedict The Sixteenth Celebrated His 80th Birthday
10. Enjoyed Carvel's delicious "Fudgy The Apostle" cake
9. Excommunicated bishop who said, "You're 80 years young"
8. Watched "Idol" with his kitties Felix and Oscar
7. Spent a quiet evening alone with his hat
6. Glued to the radio to see if he was going to get a birthday
shout-out from Scott & Todd In The Morning
5. Just generally poping it up
4. Drift raced the Popemobile through the streets of Vatican City
3. Manicure/pedicure
2. Thanked God he doesn't look as old as Letterman
1. Declared "Holy War" on a bottle of Jagermeister
v
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Major rainstorm back East. Did you see that rainstorm back
East today? To give you an idea how much rain, they found Nemo.
v
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Click here: Guys and More Guys -
Interviews
http://www.girl.com.au/myboy.htm
Lots and lots of info for the ladies!!
Click here: Violence
Against Women in the United States
http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html
Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence, the
euphemism for murders
and assaults by husbands and boyfriends. That's approximately 1,400 women a
year, according to the FBI.
The number of women who have been murdered by their intimate partners is greater
than the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War.
v
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The weather was so bad that Al Sharpton called for the firing of Al Roker.
v
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For six months I've been on this Atkins meat-based diet,
and although I'm losing weight, it's beginning to get difficult
to stick to the diet. Before too long, I'll have to
move on
to another town to find more Atkinses.
v
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I think the job of surgeon general would be very cushy.
I mean, as
soon as you can come up with a new way of saying that cigarettes are
bad for you, your job is done!
v
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Click here: Churchill Speech Interactive
http://www.churchillspeeches.com/
Welcome to the first edition of the Churchill Speech Interactive – an online
educational resource that allows you to explore Churchill’s renowned ‘Iron Curtain’
speech,
delivered on 5th March 1946 in Fulton, Missouri
Click
here: Guest Book - Virginia Tech Shooting Victims
http://www.legacy.com/oklahoman/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=87298850
Here is a chance to sign a guest book and express your thoughts on the horrors
at Virginia Tech
Click here: MapRaceWeek.com - Create Race
Week Maps for your Favorite NASCAR Track
http://www.mapraceweek.com/
Welcome to MapRaceWeek.com, a Community of Race Fans sharing their favorite
places for their favorite races.
Find great places near the track? Select the type of place (hotel,
campground, driver signing) then click to show all the places
sorted by distance to the track. Add your favorite places to the map.
Want to make sure that people find your secret tailgate spot?
Locate the spot, click on the add place button, describe it, and your done.
Create a map just for your trip. Select the places that you want
to see during your trip (hotel, driver signings,
tailgate) then select how to use the map (print it, email it, or create a unique
web address).
Click here: GREATTURTLERACE.COM
http://www.greatturtlerace.com/
Turtles have a reputation for being slow. So a race involving turtles may sound
silly.
But the Great Turtle Race is anything but a joke. It is designed to raise awareness
of the plight of leatherback
sea turtles. Leatherback sea turtle populations are dwindling fast.
The Great Turtle Race follows 11 sea turtles from their nesting ground to their
home. And these turtles are faster than you’d expect!
After you see how the turtles are doing, learn more about the leatherback sea
turtle and what you can do to help. kimkomando.com
Click
here: Pieces of Titanic transformed into luxury watches | Technology | Reuters
http://www.reuters.com/article/technologyNews/idUSL1310422320070413?feedType=RSS&pageNumber=1
Steel and coal from the Titanic have been transformed into a new line of luxury
wristwatches that
claim to capture the essence of the legendary oceanliner which sank in 1912.
Geneva watchmaker Romain Jerome SA billed its "Titanic-DNA" collection as among
the most exclusive pieces
showcased this week at Baselworld, the watch and jewellery industry's largest
annual trade fair.
"It is very luxurious and very inaccessible," said Yvan Arpa, chief executive
of the three-year-old company that
hopes the limited edition watches will attract both collectors and garrulous
luxury goods buyers
Click here: You Are Damned
http://www.youaredamned.com/
Want to damn someone's soul to hell? Yep -- check out the cool
graphics and if you choose, send someone to hell
Click here: E-Zombie.com - Welcome to the Zombocalypse
http://e-zombie.com/
Type in whatever you want and instantaneously you'll have your very own
zombie-font phrase with the html code for your website
v
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While it's true you aren't fully dressed without
a smile, you also need to make sure you're wearing pants. At
least that's the arresting officer said.
v
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When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness
preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek
ahead whose bridge was under water.
"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build
dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the
dams, and the beavers rebuild them."
As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by
the bridge.
It read: Beavers 3 - Rangers 2
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I guess I should be grateful that the therapist
from the stress hotline talked me out of bringing a
gun to work today, but I gotta say it's a bitch
trying to
make arrests with a banana in my hand.
v
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Stone
Cold
2L
of Stone Cold Beer from the Southdale LC
You must be wearing an old wife beater ,
with stains, and sweat pants.
Best drinken strait from the 2L bottle
Smooth
Handjob
1
part Kahlua
2 parts Butterscotch Schnapps
2 parts Bailey's Irish Cream
1 part vanilla vodka
6 parts milk
Fill cup with ice, add alcohol,
add milk, stir.
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Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, a secretary
from our office who runs regularly was especially motivated to
get to the gym after work.
Our boss, who had also enjoyed the good food, suggested that she
run an extra lap for him.
As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready
to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half
an hour!"
This time, realizing what she'd just said, her face turned red
before her workout.
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Two deeply religious Irish retirees were sitting on a patio playing
checkers and sipping fine Irish whiskey. They enjoyed the mid-day
sun almost as much as much as watching the local citizens walk by.
A few minutes go by and a middle-aged women pushes a baby stroller
past the patio.
The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?"
"Aye," says the other as he takes a pull from his whiskey. "Shamus,
I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a wee one."
"Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they go about their game
of checkers.
A few minutes later, a young couple stroll down the avenue hand
in hand, gazing deeply into each others eyes.
The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?"
"Aye," says the other as he takes another pull from his
whiskey."Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a lover."
"Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they do about their game
of checkers.
A few more minutes later, a young lass wearing clothes scarcely
covering her shapely curves stops in front of the patio, bends over
in front of the Irishmen giving them full exposure to her lovely
rear, and smells the flowers in a near flower bed and walks on.
The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?"
"I'm not rightly sure this time, Shamus," says the other as he
takes yet another pull from his whiskey. "But if I am, I'll surely
be joinin' you in confession this afternoon."
v
v v v v
Click
here: About.com: http://www.bookswellread.com/home.php
http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/XJ&sdn=websearch&cdn=compute&tm=7&gps=362_12_1193_850&f=
00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=33&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.bookswellread.com/home.php
Welcome to your free online book journal!
Borrowed
Finery
by
Paula Fox
Dumped at birth in a Manhattan orphanage, Paula Fox spent her early years under
the care of a poor, cultivated
minister in upstate New York. And then her parents resurfaced. To outsiders,
this nomadic pair seemed colorful:
Her father was a handsome, well-regarded screenwriter, and both earned reputations
as hard-partying bohemians.
But their young daughter paid a price for her parents' free-footed unconventionality.
Shunted from place to place,
from foster homes to relatives, she created herself from the borrowed finery
of half strangers. The Los
Angeles Times called this perceptive memoir "restrained yet unsparing".
It's all I could do to read this entire book - I found very little of
it interesting. I am not sure
who or what periodical recommended it, but I am not recommending it to you!
z z z z
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One morning a helicopter crew from my squadron got an order to
pick up a mental patient and deliver him to an aircraft carrier.
The passenger boarded the copter unescorted, but when it landed
on the carrier, four Marines charged in, restrained the bewildered
passenger, and unceremoniously delivered him to the ship's doctor.
Then the flight crew received another message: "Replace mental
patient with dental patient." The poor guy had a toothache.
v
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Bambi the blonde celebrated her 40th birthday with a makeover. She
went to the best plastic surgeon in town and got a boob lift, a
tummy tuck, butt implants, Botox, collagen... the works.
Ten weeks and thousands of dollars later, she was a new woman -- literally.
Her
personal physician then performed her annual physical, noted the new
"body work."
When the exam was finished, he called her in. "Bambi,
your overall health is good, but I want to discuss a problem that
often affects women your age, osteoporosis."
Bambi looked puzzled. "Osteo--what?"
"Bone loss. Many women start to experience it in their 40s."
Bambi giggled, blushed and said, "Oh, really,
Doc. You've seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and this face,
I get new bones quite often!"
v
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Click
here: Storm Worm variant targets blogs, bulletin boards | Tech News on ZDNet
http://news.zdnet.com/2100-1009_22-6162623.html?tag=nl.e550
A variant of the Trojan horse attacks known as Storm Worm emerged Monday,
targeting people
who post blogs and notices to bulletin boards.Storm Worm emerged
in January and raged across the globe in the
form of e-mails with attachments that, when opened, loaded malicious software
onto victims' PCs,
commandeering the machines so they could be used for further attacks.
The new Storm Worm variant attacks the machines of unsuspecting users when they
open an e-mail attachment,
click on a malicious e-mail link or visit a malicious site, said Dmitri Alperovitch,
principal research scientist at Secure Computing.
But the twist comes when these people later post blogs or bulletin board notices.
The software will insert into each
of their postings a link to a malicious Web site, said Alperovitch, who rates
the threat as "high."
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"Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled
to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're
allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents."
Conan O'Brien
v
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A woman told me she needed constant sex with gay men whose names
sounded alike. She was a homonymphomaniac.
v v v v v
IDIOT SIGHTING: Gene and I had to have the garage door repaired. The
Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not
have a "large" enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that
time a
1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4
horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.
We haven't used Sears repair since.
v
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Click
here: Dummies::Cast Iron Classic: Southern Fried Chicken
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-2277.html?cid=etipArticleLink
People who make great fried chicken swear by their own unique recipes. If you
don't yet have a tried, trusted,
and true — not to mention knock-your-socks-off — recipe that you swear by, try
experimenting
with some of the following variations to see what suits your particular taste
Click
here: Dummies::30-Minute Meals Starring Chicken
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-2023.html?cid=etipArticleLink
big, plump bird on the dinner table is such a rare treat. Most people enjoy
it only for special occasions. Roast
chicken is so easy to prepare, you may wonder why you don't make it more often.
It's the leftovers,
however, that's the real magic. It turns into delicious, lickety-split meals
later in the week.
Chicken is highly susceptible to bacterial contamination. Removing the chicken
meat from the bone as soon
as you finish your meal reduces the risk of bacterial spoilage. Wrap the boneless
chicken in packages and refrigerate or freeze.
Chicken that you're using in a day or two needs an airtight wrapping, so it
doesn't dry out. Put the chicken on a
plate and cover with two layers of heavy plastic wrap or place the chicken in
a refrigerator-freezer bag, press the air
out of the bag, and seal. Store leftover cooked chicken in the fridge (at 40
degrees F) for three to four
days. If the chicken is covered with sauce, cut the storage time back to one
to two days.
If you're freezing the leftover chicken, divide the chicken into one-recipe
bundles, about 2 cups of cooked
chicken per bundle. Place the chicken in freezer storage bags and press the
air out of the bag. Cover each bag
with a layer of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Label the package with the name of
the item, the date that you freeze it,
and the date that you should defrost and use the chicken. Store cooked chicken
in the
freezer (at 0 degrees F) for four to six months.
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A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the
police raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks,
"Father Murphy, were you gambling?"
Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, "Lord, forgive me
for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then says,
"No, officer, I was not gambling."
The officer then asks the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"
Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, "No,
officer, I was not gambling."
Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks, "Rabbi Goldstein,
were you gambling?"
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies, "With whom?"
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Two widows were visiting in the lounge of the Seniors' Center.
"Well," one said, "Mary has just cremated her third husband."
"Yeah, that's the way it goes," replied the other widow. "Some of us
can't find a husband, and others have husbands to burn!"
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Rob
Griffiths macosxhints@macworld.com
Mac
OS X Hint of the Week
Here are a pair of windows management tips that while simple are both
quite useful. I use them pretty regularly myself and was somewhat
surprised to find that I haven't written about them before.
For those of us who migrated to OS X from previous versions of the Mac
OS, one of the big adjustments we had to make was the change in how
application windows are handled. In the pre-OS X days, application
windows existed as a sort of virtual group -- if you brought an
application to the front by clicking one of its windows, then all of
its windows would come forward. In OS X, that's no longer true; click
one visible window belonging to an application, and only that window
comes forward. For pre-OS X veterans, this is tough behavior to adjust
to. It still sometimes catches me by surprise, mostly when switching
into Quicken -- each register in Quicken is a separate window, and
having just one come forward when clicked seems very odd.
This behavior, though different than what we're used to, has its
benefits. If you're looking at something on a Web page that you want
discuss in a document you're writing, you can easily have one window
from each application visible -- without having to move or resize the
applications' other windows to make it happen.
If you prefer the old behavior, however, there are a number of
solutions available, including two built right into OS X. If you
switch applications with either Command-Tab or by clicking on the
program's icon in the dock, then you'll see the OS 9 behavior: all of
the chosen program's windows will come to the foreground. But what if
you prefer clicking on windows instead of the dock or using
Command-Tab? Then you'll want to look to a third-party solution. There
are a number of programs that bring back the "all windows at once"
behavior. Three that I know of for sure are ASM, LiteSwitch X, and
DragThing, but I imagine there are others as well.
Now that you've got all the windows in the foreground, my second tip
might come in handy: manipulating background windows. As the size of
monitors has increased, so has the number of windows we have open at
once. That means there will probably be more times when you're looking
at one window and wishing, "Geez, if I could just see that window
hiding right there in the background!" In the old days (pre-OS X),
that would mean doing the app switching dance -- toggle over to the
background app, move the window about a little bit, then toggle back
to the foreground window. Urgh. That's not fun, especially if there
are a couple other background windows from other apps that you also
need to move.
With OS X, though, we can just manipulate the background windows
directly from the foreground application. What's the secret? The
Command key -- hold it down before performing most any operation on a
background window, and that window won't spring to the foreground. And
just what can you do to a background window? Most anything you like --
close it, zoom it, move it, scroll it, resize it, even click buttons
in it. About the only things that won't work are actions in toolbars,
as toolbar icons are moved via Command-drag -- and no, you can't move
toolbar items in background apps in this manner. When you're done
manipulating, just release the mouse button, and you'll find you're
still in your original frontmost application.
In early versions of OS X, support for this feature was somewhat
dependent on how the foreground program was developed (Carbon, Cocoa,
Java). Now, however, it just seems to work, regardless of which apps
are in the foreground and background. The only exception to this rule
(you knew there'd be one, right?) is Classic -- if you try to
manipulate a background Classic window, it will come to the foreground
as soon as you press the mouse button down (on "mouse down"). But
hopefully this isn't an issue for too many users at this point in the
evolution of OS X.
v
v v v v
I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with
him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell. So were
dancing and I asked, "So, are you enjoying yourself, Richard?"
He said, "I prefer Dick."
I said, "Well so do I, but what does that
have to do with anything?"
v
v v v v
One day a young man was writing a letter to his girl friend who
lived just a few miles away in a nearby town. Among other things, he
was telling her how much he loved her and how wonderful he thought
she was. The more he wrote, the more poetic he became. Finally,
he said that in order to be with her he would suffer the greatest
difficulties, he would face the greatest dangers that anyone could
imagine. In fact, to spend only one minute with her, he would
climb the highest mountain in the world. He would swim across the
widest river. He would enter the deepest forest and with his bare
hands fight against the fiercest animals. He finished the letter,
signed his name, and then suddenly remembered that he had forgotten
to mention something quite important.
So he added:
P.S. I will be over to see you Wednesday night as long as it doesn't rain
v
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I'll have some for you next week! Promise!
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied,
with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep
on rockin'
it's
a state of mind
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©1999
- 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and
Rollin'
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