Editor:  DebsSweet
Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet







REMINDER!


Please keep checking your favorite website for new pet foods being added
to the list of contaminated foods!

Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't  forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 








William H. Hinson tells about an amusing article that appeared
in his local paper.  Over the past several years in Houston,
Texas, there have been a rash of incidents in which dogs have
attacked small children.  As a result, the newspapers have run
several stories about the attacks -- some of which have been
pretty gruesome.

There was one, however, involving a little boy called D.J. that
was not so tragic.  A reporter asked D.J. how he managed to come
away from a recent dog attack unharmed.  You can almost picture
the serious expression on the little guy's face as he said, "Well,
right in the middle of the attack, the Lord spoke to me."

"Oh, really?" asked the reporter.  "And what did God say to you?"

"He said, 'Run, D.J., run!'" the young man reported.



v v v v v


*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



This is a conversation that took place between a young man and a market
surveyor in London.

Surveyor: Which shaving cream do you use?

Young Man: Raymond's

Surveyor: Which aftershave do you use?

Young Man: Raymond's

Surveyor: Which deodorant do you use?

Young Man: Raymond's

Surveyor: Which toothpaste do you use?

Young Man: Raymond's

Surveyor: Which shampoo do you use?

Young Man: Raymond's

Surveyor: Which condoms do you use?

Young Man: Raymond's

Surveyor: (Frustrated) Okay, tell me, What is this Raymond? An
international company? A local firm? What???

Young Man: Raymond?  He's my roommate.



v v v v v






* * Click here: Index - All articles and resources on the Menu Foods Pet Food Recall of March 2007 * *
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DM0
The Menu Foods Pet Food Recall, announced March 16, 2007, has pet owners in a frenzy of anger, fear, and
worry, as more and more cats and dogs fall sick or die from eating these recalled foods. Lack of current facts
has led to wild speculation and even more fear.This Pet Food Recall Index will list all information involving the
Menu Foods recall as it unfolds, in an effort to reveal the entire story to my readers in an organized
way. My own articles listed within will be regularly updated. I cannot guarantee
that with any external links listed here.


When Pets Make Your Bed Their Own

Many people like to sleep with their pets, but sometimes, having animals on and around the bed can interfere with your own sleep.
If your cat digs her claws into you every time you move a muscle, that's not exactly conducive to sound slumber. And your dog's
snoring (and many do) can be just as distressing as having a bedmate who saws logs all night long.

Pets also can trigger allergic reactions. The hair and dander can produce airway restriction that ultimately disturbs sleep. If you
have asthma, the presence of an animal in the bedroom can exacerbate your problem. Air filtration can help, but usually an
individual must also decrease the problem by frequent washing of bed linens, rugs, and especially pillows. If you like having your
pets in the bedroom, consider putting a comfortable dog bed at the foot of your own bed and train your dog to sleep there. As
for training cats to sleep in their own bed, good luck. If you like having cats in the bedroom, just get used to the fact that
they're going to sleep exactly where they want to sleep, and nowhere else -- unless
you put a closed door between you and kitty.

Rest assured with Sleep Disorders For Dummies
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764539019.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Max Hirshkowitz, PhD, DABSM, and Patricia Smith.



v v v v v



Air Force Approach: "Eagle 13, turn right to 330.".

Eagle 13: "Roger 330."

App: "Eagle 13, I've been working since last night.  Will you do
me a favor?"

Eagle 13: Affirmative.  Go ahead."

App: "Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with yellow
roof near the lake.  That is my house.  I had a fight with my wife,
and I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley.  Do you see
a Harley Davidson near the house?"

Eagle 13: "Negative, sir.  Instead, I can see a Ryder's truck."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



Q. what does a man and a sperm have in  common ???
A. they both have about a million to one chance of becoming a  human being

Q. Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A. Because Jewish  women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.

Q: What do you call a  Roman with hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator.

Q: Why does Dr.  Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.

Q: Why are roach clips  called roach clips?
A: Because "pot holder" was already taken.

The  Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth,  Batman?



v v v v v







Caulking, Taping, and Sealing


Don't mess with it. Get on your feet the first year or two.  Then if you want to get into the caulking routine, go to
your local hardware or  building supply store and get the staff people to show
you what you need and how  to do it. 

Signs of Water
If you see signs that water is coming in where it doesn't  belong, you should take it seriously. Water that comes
in from a roof leak or a  plumbing leak (or from anywhere else, for that matter) can inflict serious  structural damage on
your house. Call a qualified professional and insist on a  thorough explanation of what is happening in terms
you can understand. If you  need to, ask a guy to be with you when the professional comes, but don't let the
guy monopolize the conversation. This is your house, and you
need to understand  what is happening with it. 



v v v v v



They did it. They greenlighted a sitcom based on
  the Geico cavemen. We're looking right at it.


  The Top 8 TV Shows Based on Commercials


8> E/D

7> Unsightly Body Hair

6> Man Law & Order

5> Levitra & Shirley

4> The Carefree Panty Shield

3> Charlie Tuna's Angelfish

2> Jared at 15


    and the Number 1 TV Show Based on Commercials...


1> Mac-Guy Ver



v v v v v







v v v v v



Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really
sore from moving furniture.

"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?"someone asked.

"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move
if he's not on it."



v v v v v



SIMPLE SANGRIA

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1/2 cup water  
1 cinnamon stick  
1/2 cup sugar  
1 lime  
1 lemon  
1 orange  
20 halved green grapes  
20 halved red grapes  
1 cup pitted cherries  
1 bottle fruity red wine (like Shiraz)  
2 cups ice  

DIRECTIONS:  
Bring the water, cinnamon and sugar to a boil and cook  
for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, thinly slice the lime, lemon,  
and orange with the peel intact. Add the fruit to the  
sugar mixture and set aside to cool. Add wine and chill  
overnight. To serve, Place some ice and fruit mixture in  
each glass, pour wine over fruit and enjoy.  

Yield: 8 Servings  



v v v v v





Care for Your Daylilies in the Winter


Daylily bulbs are very hardy and do not require very much attention. However, you may want to provide your daylilies
with a winter mulch. These winter mulches should not be soft in nature, as you do not want them to mat down or flatten.
The best winter mulches for daylilies are straw, hardwood leaves, or hay. A layer of six inches of winter mulch
works well for mature daylilies. Newly planted, or transplanted, daylilies benefit from having
a foot of mulch added to their growing sites.



v v v v v



It was shortly after I graduated from veterinary school that I
rode with my mother in the Michigan Trail Riders' annual trek
across state..

Late one afternoon, I was summoned to look at a horse that had
reared up and flipped over in his trailer.  Fortunately, the horse
was not seriously injured, but some lacerations needed stitching.

As I worked, I heard my mother chatting with the perturbed owner.
"Don't worry, sir," she said.  "My daughter's a great vet.
She'll fix your horse up just fine!"  "That's good to hear,"
said the man.  "How long has she been a vet?"

"Just a week," replied my mother, proudly.  Then hastily,
realizing my treatment required suturing, she added, "But she's
been embroidering since she was eight years old."



v v v v v



The Top 16 Pet Peeves of "American Idol" Contestants


16> The show rewards image and popularity, rather than actual
    talent. It's nothing like the REAL music industry!

15> Can't even get lunch without being hounded by Simon:
    "That has to be the WORST example of a corned beef sandwich
    I've ever seen."

14> Seacrest always trying to distract everyone backstage with
    his colorful panties.

13> Only one set of lips, so many asses.

12> Brief time in spotlight ill prepares you for a career
    performing at boat shows and county fairs.

11> Sometimes Justin Guarini doesn't get the spit-shine right
    on your shoes.

10> Some mysterious guy in a phantom mask keeps offering to make
    you the next Ruben Studdard.

9> The only thing worse than the next-lowest-vote-getter having
    to darn Randy's big-ass briefs each week is him strutting
    around bottomless until they're done.

8> It's not what Simon says, but the *way* he says it!

7> Toss-up: Chris Sligh's spastic colon vs. Melinda Doolittle's
    scat fetish.

6> The expectations people seem to have that if you make the
    top 10, you aren't going to suck.

5> Someone keeps changing name plate on your dressing room door
    to Fatty Who Ain't Got a Chance.

4> If you show up with alcohol on your breath, Paula insists
    on giving you mouth-to-mouth.

3> That Rod Stewart old-man smell still lingers backstage.

2> Paula never comes through on her promise to take you to her
    home planet.


                  and Topfive.com's Number 1 Pet
             Peeves of "American Idol" Contestants...


1> Simon won't listen, even though everyone in your family says
    you have talent.



v v v v v







How to Reinstall Windows Without Losing Your Data
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/5&sdn=pcworld&cdn=gadgets&tm=53&gps=79_190_1176_850&
f=00&tt=0&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//pcworld.about.com/magazine/2109p156id111652.htm
Over time, Windows loses stability. If you keep a computer for more than two years, at some point you're going
to have to bite the bullet and reinstall Windows from scratch. But contrary to popular belief, you won't have to
reformat your hard drive (with one exception, discussed below). The bad stuff you
need to get rid of is all in your Windows folder.

Before you begin, gather your Windows and application CD-ROMs. Back up your data files (just to be safe),
and then clear two days off your calendar. If everything goes smoothly, you can reinstall Windows in a few hours.
But you have to assume something will go wrong: You may not be able to find a necessary CD, or
data won't be where you thought it was, or something will simply refuse to work.

There's a difference between a repair reinstall and a complete reinstall. Though a repair (also called a refresh) will
let you keep your current settings, a complete reinstall will give you a truly fresh version of Windows. Repairs are
fast and easy, but they don't fix anywhere near as many problems. The instructions below are for
total reinstalls, except where noted.  MORE INFO at the site
   


v v v v v



This fella passed away, and he arrives at the  Pearly Gates, and St. Peter is waiting there to check him in,
and the guy  questions St. Peter as to how he determines who gets in and who doesn't.

"Frankly," St. Peter replies, "we rely a lot on the list we get  from Santa Claus."



v v v v v



Just as a young man was about to get a chest X-Ray, the
equipment slipped and his pelvic region was X-Ray'd instead.

"Oh, no!  cried the lab technician." Your reproductive
organs just received a dose of radiation!"

"What does that mean?" asked the worried young man.

"It's serious," replied the technician.  "All your children will be lawyers!"




v v v v v






Click here: The Boon of Botox -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/06/11/14/ALT02061114-01.html
On a lark, Dr. Andrea Boon decided to try some Botox a few years ago. She expected the wrinkle above her
nose to disappear. And then, to her surprise, so did her migraines. Boon, a physician at the Mayo Clinic in
Rochester, Minn., became so intrigued that she started reading up on Botox, the injectable drug best known
as a wrinkle remover. And now she's leading a study to find out if it may help people with knee pain from arthritis. To many
people, Botox is just a vanity drug. But doctors say it also has potential as a powerful medicine because
of the way it affects muscles and nerve endings. Made from the toxin that causes botulism, a form of food
poisoning, Botox temporarily paralyzes and relaxes muscles under the skin. There's also some evidence
that it may interfere with the nerve signals associated with pain, says Boon.


Cholesterol
Minimize Your Risks   

A poor cholesterol profile puts you at higher risk of heart disease. But it is not entirely clear what causes some
people to have high levels of bad cholesterol or low levels of good cholesterol. A diet high in saturated fat and cholesterol is
likely a key factor for many people. A lack of physical activity and certain lifestyle choices, such as smoking,
also have been implicated as contributors to unhealthy cholesterol levels.

For some, genetics may play a role in the development of poor cholesterol levels. Certain medical conditions,
such as diabetes or hypothyroidism, also can increase a person's risk
of developing unhealthy cholesterol levels.       

Take Control
Fortunately, many people can get their cholesterol levels under control with an active, take-charge approach to
their health. First, start with a goal. Ask your healthcare provider what kind of cholesterol goals make sense
for you based on your health and current cholesterol profile. Although optimal levels for certain patients would be HDL
above 40 and LDL below 100, your goals may be different because of your risk factors for heart disease.

Once you have a goal, you can start taking steps in the right direction. Losing weight if you are overweight
can help improve your cholesterol profile. Other lifestyle changes, such as getting screened regularly, eating
a healthful diet, and exercising regularly, also can go a long way in getting
your cholesterol numbers to a recommended level.

Look for future issues of this HealthGuide series to include helpful tips and strategies for lowering
your levels of bad cholesterol while increasing your levels of good cholesterol.

If your cholesterol levels are less than desirable, making a commitment to improve your cholesterol
profile can help you reduce your risk for heart disease. Talk to your doctor about ways to assess
your risk and get help with managing your heart health.

   

v v v v v



A boss to a retiree: "As a symbol of our gratitude, we have created this special gold watch to serve as a reminder of 
your many years with the company. It needs a lot of winding up, is always a
little late, and every day at quarter to five, it stops working."



v v v v v



Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.



v v v v v



Three reason why chocolate is better than sex "

Chocolate satifies you even when soft
You can have it in front of your parents
And it wont mind if you bite hard on its nuts



v v v v v





Click here: VeryFunnyPics.com - Funny Pictures, Comics, and Cartoons
http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/myspace/imagepages/19.htm

Click here: VeryFunnyPics.com - Funny Pictures, Comics, and Cartoons
http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/computers/imagepages/40.htm
That's one way to find your lost keys --  LOL

Click here: VeryFunnyPics.com - Funny Pictures, Comics, and Cartoons
http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/celeb/imagepages/112.htm
Ahnold --- then and now



v v v v v


Husband says:

"My olympic condoms have arrived!  Tonight I am going to wear a gold one"

Wife says,  "Why don’t you wear a silver one and come second for a
fucking change?"

v v v v v

A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a
50-story building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally
cut one of his ears off.

A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out,
"Hey, you on the street, can you see my ear down there?"

The guy on the street picks up an ear saying, "Is this it?"
"No," was the reply from the blonde carpenter, "mine had a pencil
behind it."



v v v v v






Click here: Digg - Is It True What They Say About Men Who Drive Expensive Sports Cars?
http://www.digg.com/offbeat_news/Is_It_True_What_They_Say_About_Men_Who_Drive_Expensive_Sports_Cars
Express your opinion - but you'll have to join first

Click here: Sex, lust, fantasy and the truth about men-News-TimesOnline
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article714030.ece
A few months ago a proof copy of Sean Thomas’s new book, Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You,
landed on my doormat. I flicked through it over breakfast. A few pages in, I cancelled my entire working day
to read it in one go. I had just come to this bit about his first sexual experience as a child: “The first thing
I had an orgasm over was the cleaning woman . . . I am weird, terminally peculiar.” The book is ostensibly
about that revolutionary and now ubiquitous phenomenon of online dating, but it is also a sexual memoir, a deft first-person
account of 42-year-old Thomas’s entire sex life, warts and all. Thomas loses himself in online porn for days on end: “
This is compelling stuff. So compelling I think I’m going to do exactly the same tomorrow. And maybe the day after
that I’ll do the same. And the week after that. Indeed the next time I do this, I might stay up for 24 hours at
a stretch; after all, who needs sleep when there are people having live group sex in Ontario?”



v v v v v



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out
to someplace expensive.....

So I took her to a gas station!



v v v v v



A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his house
he found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and
gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.

Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her
in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't
been home for so long.

She replied:

"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."

The husband answered:

"But it's only been two days what do u mean a week?"

"I am only here to get something to eat."



v v v v v







Click here: Steps Toward Women's Equality
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/1&sdn=womensissues&cdn=newsissues&tm=14&gps=71_87_1193_85
0&f=00&tt=1&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//womensissues.about.com/od/feminism/tp/EquitySteps.htm
At a time when Oprah and Martha have as much name recognition as Donald and Bill (Trump and Gates, that is),
we want to believe women have reached parity with men. But in 2003 women’s average income compared to men’s
dropped a penny to 76 cents on the dollar. And earnings for those with Bachelor’s degrees shows an
even greater disparity with those women making 68.5 cents on the dollar.
Disappointing, yes. Inescapable, no. Here are five things you can do to help close the wage gap.

Click here: Reproductive Rights From Birth Control to Abortion
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15q/3&sdn=womensissues&cdn=newsissues&tm=9&gps=58_415_1193_850&f=00&
tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//womensissues.about.com/od/
reproductiverights/Reproductive_Rights_From_Birth_Control_to_Abortion.htm
What you need to know about your reproductive rights

   

v v v v

 

A man inherited a bunch of money and decided that he wanted to visit
Egypt to see the old ruins.

He went to Jamal's used camel lot to purchase a camel to ride across
the desert, as he had seen in may movies.

Jamal had camels in groups $$200.00, $$5--.00 & $1000.00 camels.  W
"What's the difference" our exploring friend asked? "the length of time
they can go without stopping for water" replied Jamal. For example a
$1000.00 camel can go a week without a drink.

Not wanting to be stuck in the desert, our hero purchased the most
expensive camel on the property.

He loaded up the nest morning and headed out across the burning sands.
After only 2 days the camel was nearly stepping on his tongue from thirst.

Returning, in a furor, to Jamal's he complained about the performance
of his steed.  "Did you brick him" asked Jamal?  "Brick him?"

At that point Jamal took the camel to a water trough.  While the camel
was drinking he took 2 bricks and smashed the camels testicles between
them. The camel drew in a large breath in pain.

"There now he'll go a week!"



v v v v v



At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull
nearly did me in today, partner."

"Oh yeah, what happened?"

"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a
locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"

"So, how'd you get away?"

"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me
a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."

"Man, that's scary. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all
over the place."

"I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"




v v v v v

Click here: Playing by the Rules
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=divorcesupport&cdn=people&tm=4&gps=418_499_1193_8
50&f=00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//divorcesupport.about.com/od/hisissues/a/menrulebreakers.htm
Nothing upsets people more than to play by the rules and still not have things go their way. This issue really
comes to the forefront when people are talking about their relationships that have ended poorly. They immediately
focus their explanations on all the things they did right and on how closely they followed the rules. The
other side of their explanations are focused on someone else who did not follow the rules, but got the better end of
the deal. At this point they wonder out loud if they would have been better off not following the rules. They
seem to be in an ethical dilemma about the benefits of breaking the rules and how they
will be able to live with themselves after they broke them.

Click here: Justifying Adultery
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/yW&sdn=home&cdn=people&tm=9&gps=89_104_0_0&f=00&tt=20
&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//divorcesupport.about.com/cs/adultery/a/reasonsforadult_3.htm



v v v v v
   


I remind my eighty-eight-year-old mother daily of any appointments
she may have the next day.  Several times during one day's
conversation, I reminded my 88-year-old mother of a doctor's
appointment coming up.

Frequently, after I had told her I'd pick her up at 1:15 PM to
go to the doctor, she'd asked me to repeat what time it was for.
She expressed concern that she couldn't remember.

"Mother," I said, "your short-term memory is not very good, but
your long-term memory is great."

"Well, then," she replied, "tell me between a month and 3 months
ahead!  Then maybe I will remember them!"



v v v v v



After I had injured one of my shins for the umpteenth time, my
doctor suggested I wear some sort of protection.  Remembering the
shin guards I wore when I played soccer over 50 years ago, I went
to a local sporting goods store.

I'm a petite, elderly woman, so when a young man came to help me,
I said, "Don't laugh, but I'm looking for a pair of shinguards
for soccer."

"Okay," he said with a completely straight face.  "What position
do you play?"



v v v v v








CONNECT REMOTELY WHEN THE COMMUTE IS JUST TOO FAR

Doug in Texas called to ask about accessing his computer from afar. His office is in a building behind his house.
It’s only about 200 feet away. But he doesn’t always want to trek across the yard to get to his work computer.
Simply accessing files on the computer isn’t too difficult. You can network the computers wirelessly.
You’ll need a router and a wireless card on one of the computers. You can connect the router to the other
computer with an Ethernet cable. You may also need a range extender.

If you want to access programs on the computer, things become more complicated. However, there
are programs that will make this task easier. I use GoToMyPc, which is one of my advertisers. It is $20
per month. You might also try LapLink Everywhere ($9 monthly) or LogMeIn ($13 monthly).

You can also use Windows Remote Desktop Connection. You need XP Professional, XP Media Center,
Vista Business or Vista Ultimate on your work computer. You can connect from any Windows
machine. I have a tip that explains how it’s done in XP. Vista works much the same.

   

v v v v v



The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to
stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few
skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over
the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger
breasts please meet me at the back of the store."



v v v v v



I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls
every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes
home late every night.



v v v v v





Click here: Making Friends - How to Make New Friends As a Single Parent - Tips for Making Friends
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BKd
According to researchers at the University of Chicago, the average American has only discussed their
most personal concerns with two people during the last six months. Sadly, nearly half of the people
questioned in the university's General Social Survey said they have only one other person to confide in, or no one.
This trend is disturbing for all of society; but it is particularly devastating for
parents who are working hard to raise their children alone.

Click here: Stress Management and Social Support: How to Create Truly Supportive Friendships
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BKc
Research shows that healthy and supportive relationships can reduce stress and improve your overall
health and sense of wellbeing. However, all relationships are not equally supportive. Building a network of supportive
friends, or even just one supportive relationship, can be vital to your wellbeing, here are some key skills that can help you
to build relationships with people that are truly supportive and sustaining, that
will bring great benefits to you and your friends.
   


v v v v v



What is a Redneck's defense in court?

"Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."



v v v v v



There was this Pakistani tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of
walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said,
''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses.
This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you
want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a  hotdog.

The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another
tourist  and says "Will you hold my wiener while I scratch my ass?" .



v v v v v








Tipology 101

There may be as many different types of exhaust tips as there are final tours for superannuated rock groups.
Consider this list of classics. Single. Dual. Triple. Quadruple. Square. Round. Oval Tapered to trumpet. Mellow to
megaphone. You can even get tips in the shape of the Chevrolet "bowtie". (What will they think of next?) And here's
the best part, you can always get what you want. Just call, check the net, or go to your favorite parts place
and you can have the beauties of your choice welded or bolted on to your ride in a flash, Jack.



v v v v v



Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books  
and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for  
expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life  
experience of being a mother or father.  


1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and  
stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months.  
After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.  

Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local drug store, tip  
the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the  
pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange  
to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home.  
Pick up the paper and read it for the last time.  

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple  
who are already parents and berate them about their methods of  
discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels,  
and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest  
ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits,  
toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy  
it -- it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all  
of the answers.  

3. To discover how the nights feel, walk around the living room  
from 5 PM to 10 PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately  
8-12 lbs. At 10 PM put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight,  
and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room  
again, with the bag, until 1 AM. Put the alarm on for 3 AM. As  
you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2 AM and make a drink. Go  
to bed at 2:45 AM. Get up again at 3 AM when the alarm goes off.  
Sing songs in the dark until 4 AM. Put the alarm on for 5 AM.  
Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.  

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear  
peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a  
fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.  
Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean  
walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?  

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy  
an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the  
string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for  
this -- all morning.  

6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of  
paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using  
only Scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas  
tree. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an  
empty packet of Cocoa Puffs and make an exact replica of the  
Eiffel Tower. Congratulations, you have just qualified for a  
place on the playgroup committee.  

7. Forget the Miata and buy a minivan. And don't think you can  
leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars  
don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it  
in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick  
it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate  
cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along  
both sides of the car. There! Perfect!  



v v v v v



Asshole, n. The most commonly employed word in American English.
Frequently used by both sides in an argument, more often than not,
accurately.



v v v v v




Click here: PC World - PC World Downloads - InfoStore
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,60605/description.html?tk=nl_hsxdwn
InfoStore is a data management utility for lists and notes that combines the functions of a simple word processor
with a database program. It makes use of a tree-type directory structure that stays in view (unless you tell it to go
away), so you can modify it as you work. This just feels right when you're trying to quickly sort lots of pieces
of information into categories. There are two ways to store information in InfoStore: Notes and Lists. A Note is
just a blank text field that you fill in however you like. The List function is more formal. It relies on data fields that you pre-define
and fill in to compile information. You can import a rich-text format file as a Note, while a spreadsheet file converted to CSV
will import as a list. By the same token, notes can be exported in RTF, while lists can be converted to CSV or plain
text. An Infostore user guide PDF is available at http://www.mhsoftware.co.uk/infostore.pdf

Click here: PC World - PC World Downloads - AM-DeadLink
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,22977/description.html?tk=nl_hsxdwn
Do you collect Favorites? Me, too, and that's why I use AM-DeadLink. It's a brilliant tool that checks your
browser's bookmarks to see if they're alive and well (or dead and in the 404 bit bucket); it also checks for duplicate links.
It's a breeze to delete them: from Bookmarks, choose the "Sort bookmarks with errors to top of list," highlight
the bunch, and send them on their way. Use AM-DeadLink's built-in viewer to quickly check other links (or open the
link in your browser). Just as nifty is to have the program download and install those cool icons (called FavIcons) from
any of your fav Web sites. AM-DeadLink works with IE6 and IE7, Mozilla, and --wait, I can sense the
synapses beginning to snap to attention -- Firefox and Opera. --Steve Bass



v v v v v



continued...........


8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an  
hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in.  
Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk  
down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes.  
Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette butt, piece of used  
chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace  
your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand,  
until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go  
back in the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a  
small child for a walk.  

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.  

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest  
thing you can find to a pre-school child -- a fully grown goat  
is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take  
more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting  
the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or  
destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even  
contemplate having children.  

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend  
it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a  
bowl of soggy Froot Loops and attempt to spoon it into the  
swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until  
half of the Froot Loops are gone. Tip the rest into your lap,  
making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now  
ready to feed a 12-month old baby.  

12. Learn the names of every character from Barney and Friends,  
Sesame Street and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find  
yourself singing "I love you, you love me," at work, now! you  
finally qualify as a parent.  



v v v v v



"Sometimes I call my husband 'Q'," the wife told her friend.

"Why's that?" the friend asked. "Is he some kinda superguy
like that man on Star Trek?"

"No," said the wife, "he's a big fat zero with a little dick
hangin' down."



v v v v v







The Worst In Band Names


(http://www.stereogum.com/archives/cat_shit_list.html)
Maxim has put together a list of the "The Worst Band Names Ever," and we thought y'all might wanna take a
peek. Although they're not  experts in music, they're pretty good with the ridiculous, so here's their list
(http://www.maximonline.com/slideshows/index.aspx?imgCollectId=131)  of ridiculous musical monikers.
The article offered  suggested names, which we included parenthetically so you don't get confused 
Here's the list: 


Hole (Put "ass" in front of it.)
Toad The Wet Sprocket (Now's The Time On Sprockets When We Dance)
Crash Test Dummies (One Hit Blunder)
Limp Bizkit (Shit Said Fred)
Anal Cunt (Anal Cunt -- they liked it after all)
Thrice (Obie Trice)
Jefferson Airplane/Starship (Unmazing Grace)
Korn (Krap)
Phish (Phucked)
Keith Urban (Keith Not Urban)
Archers Of Loaf (Pinching A Loaf)
A-ha (Voila!)
Men Without Hats (Living In Mom's Attic Until You're  40)



v v v v v



In my study of Human Nature there is only one universal truth about
men that I have found ... Gay or Straight ... they all want blow-jobs.



v v v v v



A Cynic's Dictionary


DNA: A complex organic molecule characterized as the building block
of life and appropriately shaped like a spiral staircase to nowhere.

FIBER: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that
we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.



v v v v v









v v v v v



Viagra has been a big boon to 'stand up' comedians.


Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man
took twelve pills and his wife died.

A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription
exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with
him, had a different opinion: "Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."

...Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck
in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.

Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup
and you're up all night.

How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light
bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb.

A guy named Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra
tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry.
Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.

Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland, a one hour
wait for a 2-minute ride.

Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra
slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges
suddenly went up.

New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts
plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise right up.

For years the medical professional's have been looking after
the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, they're raising the dead!

The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.



v v v v v

  Click here: Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml



v v v v v



There were only two people in line ahead of me at the cellular
phone service and store, yet the wait was dragging on forever.

Finally the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation."

That was when I noticed the name tag on the man at the register. It
read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman
rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.
As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a
little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the
wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel.
My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."



v v v v v



Never argue with a woman when she is tired...or rested.



v v v v v






Click here: Turning cell phones into lifelines | CNET News.com
http://news.com.com/Turning+cell+phones+into+lifelines/2100-1039_3-6140794.html
Cellular phone networks have become key tools used by search and rescue teams
as they try to locate people who've become lost in remote areas

Click here: PC World - Chart - Top 10 Cell Phone-PDAs
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,125397/article.html?tk=nl_dexrvw
These are the top cell phone-PDAs today, but ratings and rankings can change quickly due
to pricing and technology changes, so check back frequently for the latest info



v v v v v



As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the flight
attendant, "Do these things crash very often?"

The attendant replied, "No, just once!"




v v v v v



After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen
stormed out of the room after the class was over.

Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what
in the world is the matter with you ? You look as if you're about to
kill someone."

"I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis.
All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved
tossing a coin for position."


v v v v v







Click here: Travel Tips Strange Museums
http://archives.gophercentral.com/Travel_Tips_Strange_Museums.html
Scroll down for the info on museums you might want to visit

Click here: Travel Tips Traveling with allergies
http://archives.gophercentral.com/Travel_Tips_Traveling_with_allergies.html
Tips on traveling when you have allergies - scroll down for info please

Click here: Best New Hotels for Romance 2007 - New Romantic Hotels
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BHG
Every year new hotels debut, determined to best those of previous years in the areas of design, comfort, service,
amenities, and cuisine. Yet not are all romantic. Some hotels cater to families, others to business travelers.
I've located the most wonderful new ones for couples: Whether you imagine yourselves heading for a hot Miami
hideaway, cavorting in a Caribbean wonderland, or cozying up in a unique city refuge, you'll find this year's new
crop of romantic hotels to be fresh, sexy, and awaiting your arrival. The 10 romantic hotels
on this list opened in 2006 or are scheduled for a 2007 opening.

   

v v v v v



Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant
complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off
with a mild sedative to keep her happy.

One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his
usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith
died of a heart attack. On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset
he died of shock.

Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery.

The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by
a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything
for worms?"



v v v v v



Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old
squaw for two twenty year olds?

A couple of weeks later a couple of fellow
braves saw him back with his forty year old squaw.

They said, "What happened to your two twenty year olds?"

The Chief replied, "Me no wired for 220!"



v v v v v









v v v v v



What did the doctor say to the nervous patient who was about to have a
circumcision done?

"It won't be long now!"



v v v v v



The Top 16 Things That Can Get a Gal Banned From the Women's Union


16> "Okay, I admit it: More than six cats may be a bit excessive."

15> You've had the faces of Moe and Larry tattooed on each breast
    -- and if a guy asks nicely, you'll show him where Curly resides.

14> You regularly clean your ears out with a screwdriver.

13> You put out a nice gingham tablecloth, then gut a freshly
    killed deer on it.

12> Although you'd never do the old pull-my-finger gag, you love
    to play "squeeze my boob" with similar sound effects.

11> Purchasing any greeting card featuring a chimp and a bikini.

10> The whoopee cushion seemed like a good idea when you brought
    it into the meeting.

9> You're already planning on lining up for tickets to the
    "Matrix" sequel.

8> Instead of brushing your teeth on a Saturday morning, you use
    leftover beer as a mouthwash.

7> Proposing that you take over as local precinct leader, then
    wussing out on the requisite knife fight to the death on the
    union hall roof.

6> "Whoa!  How about a courtesy flush over there, Diane?!?"

5> You delay the decision to take your mom off life support until
    after the World Series.

4> "Doing your nails" requires an air compressor and a power sander.

3> Neglecting to pass on e-mails that are clearly marked: "Cute!!
    LOL!! Pass this on!"

2> The stack of "Maxim" magazines piled on your toilet tank is
    paperweighted by a tub of petroleum jelly.


            and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing That Can
            Get a Gal Banned From the Women's Union...


1> You loudly proclaim that if "Dumb and Dumber" isn't the best
    movie of all time, you'll give up chewing tobacco.



v v v v v







Okay, so the Viagra my boyfriend took was
still having an effect hours later -- does
that give him the right to go running to the
emergency room asking to see the head nurse?
  (Donna Ayers)


One on-the-job skill I never learned in
school is the art of being keenly aware of
the Doppler effect on co-workers' footsteps
on carpet. Nothing keeps the workload low
and manageable quite like a perfectly-timed
pre-cubicle-entrance sigh and exclamation
of "Oooh, now *that's* good ass-cream!"
(Brad Simanek)

 
When I first met Richard Peter Johnson,
he seemed like a decent guy, but
he turned out to be a complete prick.
  (Lee Entrekin)


While I love my renewed confidence now
that I had the doctor transfer pubic hair
to my bald scalp, the only side effect
seems to be that whenever I talk to a
pretty girl, my nose starts pointing skyward.
  (Jerry Embry)


When I'm sitting in a restaurant with a date
and she asks, "Do you mind if I smoke?" I
always feel like saying, "No, but do you mind
if I sit here beside you and discreetly masturbate
under the tablecloth?" Regrettably, I never do,
since by the time she gets around to asking
about the cigarette, I'm usually half finished
and have no intention of stopping anyway.
  (Brad Osberg)




v v v v v



After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for several weeks, we stopped by his home to visit him.
My wife asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom told her.

"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe you would be eating anything like that!"

"Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied.
Opening the refrigerator door, he waved his hand at a row of doggie bags
from half of the restaurants in town.



v v v v v



I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I
suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused ... told me I was crazy.
But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 inch shorter than his right.
A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

He just looked at me and said, ... "I stand corrected."



v v v v v






Click here: Weave Words - Windows File of the Day
http://www.fileoftheday.com/download/WeaveWordsSetup.exe
Weave Words is a fun new PC word game where you must try to uncover well known phrases and sayings.
The game presents you with a hexagonal grid of letters tiles, which must be used to create words of three
or more letters. Once a word is made, letters from the word can be chosen to try to uncover parts of the hidden phrase.
As letters are chosen, correct choices will reveal more of the hidden phrase, while incorrect choices will result in the loss of a guess.
Once you think you recognize the phrase, or have run out of guesses, you can attempt to solve
the hidden phrase and move on to the next challenge.

Click here: Kewlbox - The Closer - free online and downloadble games
http://www.kewlbox.com/games/GameDetail.aspx?GameId=230&utm_campaign=kewlbox_2006-12d_
newsletter&utm_medium=kewlbox_weekly_newsletter&utm_source=email_newsletter&utm_content=en_primary1
You’re a dedicated salesperson trying to reach the Bigwig! Your goal is to make your way through a plethora
of office furniture and teams of mid-level managers to the office of the boss

Click here: 20Q.net Inc.
http://www.20q.net/
It's really not a game of sorts but it so very cool.  
From the 20Q home page, select Play from the menu on the left, and then select "Play 20Q" choosing
one of the languages. On the next page, answer a few demographic questions and click "Play."
Next, think of an object and answer the questions asked by the 20Q Artificial Intelligence (A.I.). Beginning with the question:
"Is it classified as Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Other or Unknown?," you will notice five possible answers below the question.
Click on the answer that fits the object you are thinking of; the questions that follow will be displayed by 20Q
with several choices. Click on what you believe to be the appropriate answer for that question.
Don't worry about making a mistake; you can always scroll down and click on the
questions to change your answer later.

Click here: Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim
http://www.isoma.net/games/goggles.html
Take Goggles, for example. It's a flight simulation game.It may be simple in its design – there aren't a lot
of complicated controls. But it is fun to fly a plane over London, the moon or even Mars

Click here: About.com - Games
http://n479ad.doubleclick.net/click%3Bh=v8/34e4/3/0/%2a/t%3B23585907%3B0-0%3B0%3B7597057%3B4252-336/280%3B13339438/13357334/1%3B%3B~aopt%3D2/1/d0e/2%3B~sscs%3D%3fhttp://arcade.about.com/game.htm?code=110511257
An evil wizard has captured and hidden cute furry critters on a mysterious island. Use your strategic skills to
explore the island and save the animals in this bingo game with a unique puzzle twist!    
   
.   


v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops  
in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of  
his legs, then throws away his crutches.   

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to  
tell the priest what he'd just seen.   

Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just   
witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?"  

"Over by the holy water, Father. Flat on his ass."   



v v v v v



"I'm telling you, Mary, I've never been happier", Linda told her friend.
"I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome, sensitive,
caring and considerate."

What in the world do you need the second one for?" Mary asked.

"Oh," Linda replied, "the second one is straight."

   

v v v v v






NEATNETTRICKS


Now, if you really like to putz with your window sizes, give Microsoft Scalable Fabric a try.  For an explanation I'll
simply quote from Microsoft:  "Scalable Fabric is a task management system for the Windows desktop. A central focus
area, defined by you, contains windows that behave in the traditional way. When you drag a window into the periphery,
it becomes smaller and continues to get smaller the closer you get to the edge of the screen. This makes it possible
to keep windows open all the time, and change "minimize" to mean "return to the periphery". Groups of windows can
easily be created to represent different user tasks. Switching between groups is done simply by
clicking on the task marker flag."  OK, you got all that?

Click here: PC World - Everything You Need to Know About Windows Vista
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,127629/article.html?tk=nl_wbxnws
Everything You Need to Know About Windows Vista
It's big, it's ambitious, and it's (finally) here. We give you the bottom line on what Vista does
better than XP, where it needs improvement--and how to perform
the upgrade, step-by-step.



v v v v v



I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining
about how coffee made him nervous.

I asked him, "Why don't you quit drinking coffee?"

He replied, "Because if I didn't have the shakes, I wouldn't get any
exercise at all."




v v v v v



To love your fellow man is to know true joy. To get him out of the
house before your spouse comes home is probably also a good thing.



v v v v v



Sexual congress: A polite euphemism for screwing someone.

U.S. Congress: A not-so-polite euphemism for the same thing.



v v v v v

   
Georgia Peach
1 1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
1 dash Grenadine
Lemonade
Ice Pour first 3 ingredients into a glass
full of ice cubes. Fill with lemonade.    
   


Tropical Tea
1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Rum
1/2 oz Gin
1/2 oz Triple Sec
1 oz Sour Mix
2 oz Pineapple Juice
1 oz Cranberry Juice
1/2 oz Grenadine
Ice Combine all ingredients in a mixing glass
and pour into a glass filled with ice.
Top with fresh seasonal fruits.    
   



v v v v v



Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from
an ear of corn.  Until, that is, I married a small-town Ohio girl.
While I was in seminary, I had a temporary assignment at a church
in a rural community.

The day of my first sermon, I tried very hard to fit in.  Maybe too
hard.  With my wife sitting in the first pew, I began my discourse:
"I'm not familiar with farming at all.  In fact, I never saw a
cow until I met my wife."



v v v v v



I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them
into the hamper.

He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the place
where we put our dirty clothes before they're washed."

My son picked up his things, trotted into my bedroom, and threw
his clothes on the floor on his dad's side of the bed.



v v v v v






*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Click here: YouTube - JET-MAN : THE INCREDIBLE FLYING MAN !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHYXrqoS08o
Pretty incredible -- I would think this would have been on the news!

*submitted by*
LURALLEN
Click here: May You Be Blessed- The Movie
http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/
Such a sweet site for someone very special in your life

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click here: Flowers Of Spring
http://www.goodtimes2.com/flowers_of_spring.htm
A pretty site - welcome spring!

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Click here: BBC - h2g2 - The h2g2 Tour - An Introduction to h2g2
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/dontpanic-tour
h2g2 is an unconventional guide to life, the universe and everything, an encyclopaedic project where entries are written
by people from all over the world. h2g2 was launched in April 1999, and the BBC took over the running of the site
in February 2001 as part of our drive to develop new and innovative online services.
The Guide is written by visitors to the website - people like you - and already it has thousands of entries on all sorts
of subjects. The result is a living, breathing guide that's constantly being updated and revised, driven forward by the very people who use it.
h2g2's inspiration comes from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the best-selling book by Douglas Adams (who
was one of the original founders of the site). Back in 1971, Douglas lay drunk in a field in Innsbruck, Austria, thinking
about the galaxy and how you might find your way around it. His solution, the 'Guide', was an ingenious device that
offered advice about almost any place, object, entity or event you might care to name - all at the convenience of your
fingertips. This vision is now approaching reality on the Internet and
with mobile phone technology in the form of h2g2.

2.  Click here: Holties House: What do you see?
http://holtieshouse.blogspot.com/2007/02/what-do-you-see.html
Some of you no doubt saw the images here for what they are, others
will get quite a surprise when they study the larger images, I never
cease to be amazed by this sort of thing and marvel at the creative
minds that come up with them in the first place.

Click here: wonder_for_site
    http://www.zefrank.com/snowflake/

SNOWFLAKE. Folks in the northern climes have likely seen all the snow they want this past winter; but if you want to
waste a little time and create your own cyber snowflake, do it at http://www.zefrank.com/snowflake/

Click here: YouTube - Wedding Thriller Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw
Check it out -- fun dance at a wedding reception!!

Click here: YouTube - OK Go - Here It Goes Again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI
HAVE to share this again!

Click here: KetchupArt.com
http://www.ketchupart.com/top10
Yep -- it's art using ketchup

Click here: Which is the real logo?
http://www.guessthelogo.com/
I didn't do so hot - fun though -- can you spot which logo is the real one?

Click here: Funerals get a face-lift — JSCMS
http://jscms.jrn.columbia.edu/cns/2006-04-18/white-PersonalizedFunerals/
Oh nooooooooooo

Click here: JPG Magazine: Themes
http://jpgmag.com/themes/
If photography is your thing
This is the themes page from JPG Magazine. The magazine wants your photographs and also wants your
help selecting the photos that go in each issue. You can get a good idea from this link what
they're looking for and what has already been submitted.



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One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his
mother had gone out and he asked his father, "Where did mommy go?"

In answer to his question, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked,
"What's a Tupperware party, daddy?"

The man had always given his son honest answers, so he figured
a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son,"
he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and
sell plastic bowls to each other."

He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime...

Then he burst out into laughter, and said, "Come on, Dad! What is it really?"



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At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea
of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must
be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want,
get a TV!"



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The Perks of Being a Wallflower
by Stephen Chboski


"This is the story of what it's like to grow up in high school. More intimate  than a diary, Charlie's letters are singula
r and unique, hilarious and  devastating. We may not know where he lives. We may not know to whom he is writing.
All we know is the world he shares. Caught between trying to live his  life and trying to run from it puts him on a
strange course through uncharted  territory. The world of first dates and mixed tapes, family dramas and new 
friends. The world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, when  all one requires
is that perfect song on that perfect drive to feel infinite" 

Through Charlie, Stephen Chbosky has created a deeply affecting coming-of-age story, a powerful novel
that will spirit you back to those wild and poignant roller coaster days known as growing up. 
Short book - easy read.  I couldn't relate to much of this book so it wasn't terribly good to me.  The
reviews (such as the one above) are all positive so many of you might enjoy it. 



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"What's that drink you're mixing" the stranger asked the bartender
inthe upscale Tex-Mex bar.

"I call it a lil' Texas Shooter", said the bartender as he continued
to mix up several batches of the drink.

"What's in it?" asked the stranger. "Sugar, milk and rum." said
the barkeep.

"Is it good?" asked the man.

"Sure is senor," said the bartender smiling. "The sugar gives you
pep, and the milk gives you plenty of energy."

"And the rum?" asked the stranger.

"Hell man. That gives ya plenty of ideas what to do with all that
pep and energy." Quipped the bartender.



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Q: What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A: A Nervous Wreck.



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Click here: Top Spyware Scanners
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BMO
It's not just viruses that plague today's Internet users. Spyware surreptitiously monitors your computer
and Internet use, while adware can bombard your PC with unwanted advertising. Both pose a drain on your bandwidth
and can lead to loss of security. Following are a selection of the best dedicated adware and spyware scanning tools
to ferret out these often hidden menaces. If you go the standalone route, make sure you
back it up with antivirus software and a firewall.



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With the popularity of biblical names these days, I'm kind of
surprised at the reaction we get when people meet our little baby, Satan.



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Whoever said, "No man is an island," has
obviously never seen my stomach in the bath tub.



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Click here: Bean and Pasta Soup
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe4749&layout
=edf&edfParentCat=cat17924&subStyleType=recipes&catid=cat17924

Cooking for One: Tortilla Soup
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe840005&layout=edf
&edfParentCat=cat17924&subStyleType=recipes&catid=cat17924

White Bean Soup with Sausage and Collards
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe1980043&layout=edf
&edfParentCat=cat17924&subStyleType=recipes&catid=cat17924



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My young grandson loves to bounce on the bed.

It must be hereditary, because I'm pretty sure that's how his mother got pregnant.



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Witnessing the diligence with which Las Vegas is trying to clean up its image, I wonder if prostitutes
           pine for the days when the Strip wasn't such a difficult road to ho'.



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Click here: Apple OS X - Adding a Password Hint to Your OS X Login
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/30Vm
If you sometimes forget your password to login to OS X, you may wish to add a password hint to your login.
The password hint will display after the third unsuccessful login attempt.

Click here: Apple Macintosh - Monitor Cleaning Products
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/30Vy
Keep your Mac monitor clean with these cleaning products!
   


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Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups:
the sugar group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the
"whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.



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Every neighborhood has its own Casanova and Bill was the one who always
got the most pussy on his block. When he smiled, he had pussy written
all over his face.

Unfortunately, lately his prowess had fallen off a bit.

Bill went to his doctor to complain about what was happening. The
doctor was in awe; he couldn't believe it.

"Bill," he said, "how could this happen?" Everyone in this area knows
you as the King of Pussy you have an incredible reputation."

Bill continued to complain to the doctor and said, "What good is a
reputation if you can't make it stand up!"



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*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead.com
Click here: Nudography - Celebrities Index
http://www.nudography.com/celebrities/
New nudies and gossips from the celebrity world

2.  Click here: Funny or Die
http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/video.php?next=watch
Skeet!  Skeet!

3. Click here: Funny or Die
http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=e77f
13a6d184dbf1232f&page=&viewtype=&category=

4. “Declothed” in the “Insanity Files” section
http://www.shinyhappyhead.com/Files/Declothed_martin.wmv
Watch guys run up to unsuspecting females and jerk down their tops or bottoms!!
Don't miss this one!

5. Click here: http://www.whowantsabalti.com/misc2/lust-for-bust.swf
http://www.whowantsabalti.com/misc2/lust-for-bust.swf
LOL  You're a guy sitting beside a hot blonde with large hooters -- well,
check out the game if you're interested *grin*



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Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control



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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind



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©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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