Editor:  DebsSweet
Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet






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My heart goes out to all of the parents and families of those students killed at Virginia Tech.  I can't fathom such hatred the
shooter must have held in his heart that he would unleash such horror on innocent, unsuspecting people.
Yes, he had mental issues -- which means he fell through the cracks because he should have been
in a mental health institute and *certainly* never been allowed to purchase a gun!

Am I the only person who is completely confused by the fact that in the last few months, people have found
the largest type fish of it's kind *ever* seen and then they kill it?  Then the largest shark of a particular species is
caught and, get this, it takes TWO boats to haul him in..........and they kill it.  Man seems to want to kill
no matter what it is....man or animal, fish, etc. etc.  Aren't there enough dead animals in
our grocery stores and restaurants as it is?  I am sickened beyond words.

Ok ... here's a little of what I have for you:

Want to see how you would look bald?  No seriously - find the link about this in the SURFIN
section below!

ALSO in that same section, you'll read how
researchers from the University of Maryland have proposed the development of the social networking equivalent of a 911 call center,
where users could post information during a disaster and respond offline to the needs of their
neighbors during a flood, heat wave or other emergency event.






"I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth
grade teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions.
One kid asked, 'Is there any part of the woman's body known as
the Volvo?' Which I thought was a good question. I said, 'Only on
Swedish women.'"


Dennis Wolfberg



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87


TEN REASONS GENTLEMEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN


#10. You can  trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you
try it out a few times.

#7.  Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6.  Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask,"Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.


And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....


#1. YOU  CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
Granny B 132



A good ole hillbilly boy went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged some
ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive
home when he was confronted by an angry game warden who didn't like Hillbillies. 

The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and
the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden
looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks,
Sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a
Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin' license, boy?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting
license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the
second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Tennessee duck.
This here duck's from Kentucky. You got a Kentucky license?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting
license The warden then reached over and picked up the  third duck , sniffed
Its butt,and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This here duck's from
South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin'  license?"

Again the hillbilly  reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina
hunting license.
The game warden was extremely  frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the
Hillbilly, "Boy, just where the heck are you from?"

The hillbilly turned around, dropped his pants, bent over,  and said, "You
Tell me. You're the expert."



v v v v v







Bermuda Triangle
1/2 oz Spiced Rum
1 oz Peach Schnapps
3 oz Orange Juice
Crushed Ice Pour ingredients into a
glass filled with crushed ice.    
   

Bolero
1 1/2 oz Light Rum
3/4 oz Apple Brandy
1/4 tsp Sweet Vermouth
Ice Stir well with cracked ice. Strain into
a glass half filled with ice cubes.    



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


The woman in charge of our church magazine made her appeal to the
congregation. "Please, brothers and sisters," she said, "start your
subscriptions this month, so we can all expire together."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net



There will only be 49 contestants in the Miss Black America Contest this year.

No one wants to wear a sash that says " IDAHO "



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87







v v v v v



*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead.com


Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a
little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes
you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the
gift of our time.


A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One
day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the
empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took
an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much
of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough,
more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted
with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this
home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of
admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she
had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and
asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such
a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew
building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working
on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at LOWES ever
deliver the goddamn sheet rock..."



v v v v v



I hate the saying "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.  I like
to put it into perspective by thinking, "Always a pallbearer,
never a corpse.



v v v v v




*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Click here: OneMoreLevel.com - Free Rider
http://onemorelevel.com/games.php?game=453
We’ve all seen it on television or in movies. I’m talking about kids and teenagers performing wild stunts on their bicycles.
I’ll admit that it looks like fun. That is, until somebody gets hurt. I really don’t want to break an arm or a leg!
But you can live vicariously by playing Free Rider. You build a map and then see how well your bicycle rider can navigate it.
You can build jumps, ramps and inclines. Just watch out for the dreaded free fall!

Click here: Choosing the Correct Word: Clearing Up Common Confusions
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5Buw
It's easy to confuse words that are similar in sound, spelling, or meaning. But with
a bit of review it's also easy to clear up such confusions.

Click here: The Original Big Shit List!
http://www.the-big-shit-list.com/
If you have nothing better to do?  The most comprehensive, complete & descriptive listing of the different
Types of shit that spews from your ass!Add your own shit description to the list
And we will post it right here with all the others!

Click here: Defamer, the L.A. Gossip Rag
http://www.defamer.com/
Do you like gossip?  Then you'll love this site

Click here: Sketch Swap
http://www.sketchswap.com/
This is neat o.  Sketch something, anything - and submit it and wait a moment
and you'll receive a pic someone else sketched!!

Click here: MILITANTPLATYPUS » Animated Stereogram
http://www.militantplatypus.com/blog/884/animated-stereogram/
Remember all the cool books of sterograms?  Here's one that is animated!!
  Can you see the pic within a pic?  Very cool y'all

Click here: http://dura.cell.free.fr/home/swf/arms12.swf
http://dura.cell.free.fr/home/swf/arms12.swf
Pass the ball from one person to another - going around the circle. 
Yep that's about all there is to it!

Click here: Free Virtual HeadShave
http://headshave.baldlygo.com/Virtual_HeadShave_free.htm
To get a Free Virtual Head-Shaving, Just register to the forum and upload your photo there. I will personally
"shave" you within a month -- or so (two kids, a wife, a full time job and a mother-in-law can all, at any moment,
impact the turnaround time). After your virtual headshave is complete, your photos will be presented (120X120
pixels) on BaldlyGo’s head-shaving galleries - with or without a goatee, according to my decision:]
Or you can get the Private & express virtual head-shaving, where You'll get four (4)
quality versions* , within 72 hours, sent confidentially to your email.

Click here: PC World - Online 911 System Proposed
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,129235/article.html?tk=nl_wbxnws
Researchers from the University of Maryland have proposed the development of the social networking equivalent
of a 911 call center, where users could post information during a disaster and respond offline to the
needs of their neighbors during a flood, heat wave or other emergency event.

Click here: Garage Sale Shopping - A Day in the Life of a "Saler"
http://antiques.about.com/od/buyingandsellingantiques/a/aa050302.htm?nl=1
Do you like to antique hunt or go to garage sales?  You might like this site!



v v v v v



My all-time favorite cheap date happened during the time I lived
in New Jersey.  He used to back up to the toll so that the booth
would be on my side.

v v v v v



While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the
cafeteria for breakfast.  I set a piece of bread on the moving
toaster rack and waited for it to pass under the heated coils and
return golden brown.

Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster, and I couldn't
reach it.  The woman next to me in line quickly seized a pair of
tongs, reached in, and fished out the piece of toast.

I joked, "You must be an emergency room worker."

"No," she replied with a grin.  "I'm an obstetrician."



v v v v v






Life is Good!
Lessons in Joyful Living
by Trixie Koontz, dog
Edited by Dean Koontz


Many readers wonder what inspires the creative genius of bestselling suspense writer Dean Koontz. Much of the credit
must go to Trixie, the golden  retriever who has taught him things about life that no human ever could. 
Trixie shows us how to be happy every moment of the day, except those fleeting moments after a meal when the dish
is (temporarily) empty. Dogs know how to work hard and to play even harder. With words of wisdom only a bird dog
knows, and beautiful photos to warm your heart, this book will lift your spirits
and make your leg shake uncontrollably with pleasure! 

Cute book --- and very short.  I think I expected a more indepth text -  but it was sweet and I recommend
it to dog lovers.  OR rather than buy it,  sit in Barnes and Noble and read it in one day  LOL  



v v v v v



LOWER FAT SPAGHETTI CARBONARA  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 lb spaghetti uncooked  
6 oz turkey bacon, finely chopped  
3 cloves garlic, minced2/3 cup dry white wine  
1 cup egg substitute  
1/3 cup fresh parsley chopped  
1/3 cup parmesan cheese, grated  
salt  
freshly ground pepper  

DIRECTIONS:  
Prepare pasta according to package directions. While pasta  
is cooking, cook the bacon and garlic in a small saute pan  
over medium-low heat until the garlic is aromatic and the  
bacon is lightly browned, about 3 to 4 minutes. Add the wine,  
increase heat, bring the wine to a boil and cook until it  
has reduced by about half. Pour mixture into a large serving  
bowl and let it cool for 5 minutes. Stir in the egg substitute  
and the parsley. When pasta is done, drain it well and add it  
immediately to the bacon mixture. Add Parmesan cheese and  
toss quickly. Season with salt and freshly ground pepper and serve.  

Yield: 6 Servings  
Calories: 422, Carbs: 58, Fat: 9 grams, Protein: 21 grams  
Category: Pasta, Main Dishes, Low Fat  



v v v v v



16 Steps to Build a Campfire



1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

2. Bandage left thumb.

3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments

4. Bandage left foot.

5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)

6. Light Match

7. Light Match (again)

8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.

9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow
   gently into base of fire.

10. Apply burn ointment to nose.

11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.

12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching
    for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."

13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

14. Re-label can to read "gasoline."

15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
Granny B 132






v v v v v



During the Persian Gulf War, my Marine Corps unit had to dig
foxholes every time we changed positions. Once, when a private was
making his trench, he complained to our sergeant, "Why do we have
to do this stupid digging?"

Then there was a loud exlosion a hundred feet away.

"What was that?" asked the private.

"That," replied the sergeant, is called incentive."



v v v v v



Him: I woke up with a hard-on this morning, and it had your name
written all over it."

Her: "I'm sure my name is far too long to fit the whole thing on
your dick."

Him: "Oh, yeah? What's your name?"

Her: "Lu."



v v v v v






Click here: Secure Windows XP: 7 Ways to Secure Windows XP
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/31XY
With adware, spyware, viruses, phishing emails, and hackers, there are a lot of reasons to secure
Windows XP. Below you will find seven ways you can better secure Windows XP.
Complete with step-by-step instructions and numerous screen shots, even novice computer users can follow
these stps to secure Windows XP. The steps and screen shots are intended for Windows XP users, but users
of other Windows versions can follow a similar process to secure Windows.
   


v v v v v



I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually
it came back to me.



v v v v v



On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store
about a dozen blocks from our hotel. My husband obligingly hailed
a cab. "The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus," he told the driver.

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us. "And the gentleman?" he
asked. "Does he want to go to the bank?"



v v v v v







Click here: Chicken, Corn, and Lima-Bean Stew
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe4300156&layout=e
df&edfParentCat=cat17924&subStyleType=recipes&catid=cat17924

Mushroom Barley Soup
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe4853&layout=e
df&edfParentCat=cat17924&subStyleType=recipes&catid=cat17924

Asian Chicken and Chili Soup
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe2390114&layout=e
df&edfParentCat=cat17924&subStyleType=recipes&catid=cat17924



v v v v v



When a friend's grandmother had a 95th birthday, relatives flew
to Texas from all over the country to celebrate.

One daughter, Emily who was 70 was flying in from San Diego
and called the airline ticket agent to request a senior-citizen discount.

Since proof of age is required, she asked the clerk what he would
accept. "How about a note from your mother?" he said jokingly.

A few days later, Emily arrived at the airport with a note from her
mother attesting to her age. As she handed it to the amused clerk,
Emily commented, "It's not often a seventy-year-old woman has to
have a note from her mother to do anything."



v v v v v



"Would the lady who left her nine kids at Wrigley Field please
pick them up immediately? They are beating the Cubs 4-0 in the
7th inning"


Radio deejay



v v v v v





Click here: Happy Slip Productions
http://www.happyslip.com/
Cute!!

Click here: About.com: http://www.shatters.net/celestia/
http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/XJ&sdn=macs&cdn=compute&tm=59&gps=26_210_1193_850&f=0
0&su=p284.5.420.ip_&tt=2&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.shatters.net/celestia/
Welcome to Celestia
... The free space simulation that lets you explore our universe in three dimensions.
Celestia runs on Windows, Linux, and Mac OS X.

Unlike most planetarium software, Celestia doesn't confine you to the surface of the Earth. You can travel
throughout the solar system, to any of over 100,000 stars, or even beyond the galaxy.
All movement in Celestia is seamless; the exponential zoom feature lets you explore space across
a huge range of scales, from galaxy clusters down to spacecraft only a few meters across. A 'point-and-goto'
interface makes it simple to navigate through the universe to the object you want to visit.
Celestia is expandable. Celestia comes with a large catalog of stars, galaxies, planets, moons,
asteroids, comets, and spacecraft. If that's not enough, you can download dozens
of easy to install add-ons with more objects.
   


v v v v v



We had a Marcad (Marine flight student) back in '62 who stirred
things up for a while. A cook had come down with TB. Everybody
had to have a chest X-ray. We all lined up and went through the
process. Three days later the corpsmen came hurrying down to the
flight line looking for the Marine.  ''He's flying,'' came the
answer from the ready room.

It seems that the X-ray showed a .45 slug right next to his
heart. He was recalled from his solo flight and met at the
airplane. ''What's the problem?'' ''How did you get shot?'' ''I was
not shot.'' They checked for a scar and found none. The Marine said
it must be somebody else and they mixed up the order of X-rays in
line. Then they had to check everybody. The corpsmen never figured
out that the Marine had scotch-taped the slug to his chest for
the X-ray.

This reminded me of going for a chest x-ray last year and after I
had gotten dressed and put my wallet in my shirt pocket the tech
came back and asked to shoot one more view. I got a call the next
day about a strange rectangular mass on the left side of my chest
and the hospital wanted to retake the x-ray.



v v v v v



A Pasadena girl took a job as a forelady in a shop employing
several Mexican women.

The first morning she addressed each of them cordially in her high
school Spanish.

The women shrank from her.

When the same thing happened next day, the mystified girl told
the boss.

He asked her what she had said to them.

"Just good morning," she replied.

"But how did you say it?"

"I said 'Buenos Dios, Buenos Dios!"

The boss howled. "If you wanted to say good morning you should
have said 'Buenas dias.'"

"You've looked at each of these women the first thing in the
morning and said 'Good God, Good God!'"



v v v v v






Click here: ThirdAge Blog » Blog Archive » Worried About Falling?
http://blog.thirdage.com/?p=865
A common myth you hear among older people is that we can’t get down on the floor. "I won’t be able to get
back up."  That’s what I heard repeatedly from a group of women in their seventies and eighties last
week when I met with them one morning at their cooperative housing building. But not only did they get down
on the floor to do warm-up stretching in preparation for an hour of improvisational dance, they
seemed to have little difficulty arising from the floor when it was time to do so. Once
they started relaxing and having fun, they forgot their "can’t."

Click here: Want to Increase Your Longevity? Make Friends
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/3CLK
In a 10-year study of people aged 70 and older, researchers in Australia concluded that having a network
of good friends will increase longevity in seniors. The surprise is that friendship has a greater
effect on longevity than having close family relationships.



v v v v v



"America's pastime is back. It's that season again. Big sweaty guys
grabbing their crotches, yelling, swinging the bats.  That's right,
the new season of the "Sopranos" has started"



Craig Ferguson



v v v v v



After traveling a few blocks, Miss Bigtits realized she had no
money and immediately informed the driver. "You'd better stop. I
can't pay you and it's ten dollars already,"she said.

The driver checked her out in the rear-vision mirror.

"That's okay," he said. "I'll turn down the first dark street,
get in the back seat and take off your bra."

"You'd be cheating yourself," she replied. "This bra is only worth
five dollars."



v v v v v

Click here: Pedigree.com - Coping with your Dog’s Health Conditions
http://css.pedigree.grey.net/dogsandpuppies/senior+dogs/health+care/
Health+Conditions.asp?CSID=479&zjxj=02100004W8219W135W0
When you first picked up your bright-eyed, peppy little puppy, you couldn’t imagine him keeping still
for an hour, let alone spending a day in bed. But with the senior years comes the reality of chronic
health conditions like diabetes, osteoarthritis and kidney disease. Fortunately, these issues aren't always
dire - with a little knowledge and TLC you can help your furry family member recover from an
acute episode or surgery. But remember, while affection is important, try to resist
the urge to fuss too much -he needs his zzzz's

Click here: Pedigree.com - Behavior Changes in Older Dogs
http://css.pedigree.grey.net/dogsandpuppies/senior+dogs/behavior/
Behavior+Changes.asp?CSID=479&zjxj=01900004W8219W135W0
Your normally independent pooch suddenly can’t handle you leaving for even the shortest amount
of time. Your docile dog now growls when you reach out for a hug. What’s going on? Is this
a normal part of aging or something more serious?
There are a number of reasons why your dog may begin to act differently. Below we'll look
at three age-related problems as well as some ways to manage them.

Click here: Pedigree.com - Dealing with a Jealous Dog
http://css.pedigree.grey.net/dogsandpuppies/senior+dogs/relationship/
Jealous+Dog.asp?CSID=479&zjxj=01700004W8219W135W0
If you’re about to welcome a new baby or puppy in the house, you may need to prepare for
some surprising behavior in your older dog: what appears to be jealousy. Whether or not a dog is truly
jealous or is just responding to a change in his life, there are measures you can
take to minimize the effects on everyone involved.

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

Click here: UnCut Video - Now Playing "Charlie and Rosie Intro"
http://uncutvideo.aol.com/users/willyps/78515cb54ce14a8d4f2afc822f44cde3?index=7
So cute!



v v v v v

"I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just
before I went under I heard the one thing you don't want to hear,
'Where's my lucky scalpel?'"


Jonathan Ketz



v v v v v



*submitted by*
WaltWiso



Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided
it was because they had not been baptized and  didn't
go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there.

One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come
out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"

"Sure,"  said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in
the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now go out and play."

When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you. We're not Babtis,
because they  dunk all of you in the water We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle  you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"

"Yeah!  What do you think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopalians..."



  v v v v v



An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning
methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had
experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs
were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger,
as several men had already been bitten.

So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes
that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who
had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the
expenditure of rounds was justifiable.

The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a
shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish,
but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended
cartridges, and a short note. The note said,

"I missed!"



v v v v v



*submitted by*
Granny B 132





v v v v v



The doctors at a local mental hospital had been at a meeting in
which they debated the progress in mental health of one of their
long-term patients.  The general consensus was that this patient had
made great progress, and was now well enough to return to society.
They decided to test him by taking him out to a Broadway-style
musical show which was being put on at a local theater.

When they arrived at the movie house, there were "Wet Paint" signs,
which pointed in the direction of some of the benches in the back
ten rows of the theater.  It was clear to the doctors that the
sign had been placed there quite a while earlier and that the
paint had dried, so they just sat down on the benches.

However, the patient put a newspaper down on the bench first and
then sat down.  The doctors were thrilled to see this, because
they felt it was a demonstration that their patient was in touch
with reality.  They were sure it was a sign that he was now well
enough to return to a normal life.  One of the doctor's thought
to ask the man, "Why did you put the newspaper down first?"

"So that I'd be sitting higher and I would have a better
view!!!" answered the man



v v v v v



Felix was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit
a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his
ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out."

The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week
requesting assistance with removing the snakes.

"You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment.
"People actually call the fire department to help them with
rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?"

"Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'"



v v v v v






Smoke Alarms

Most smoke alarms have batteries (usually a single 9-volt transistor battery). If you're really feeling bushy-tailed,
you can check the batteries by holding in the little plastic button on the alarm. I don't recommend it, though, unless
you have three hands: one to hold in the button and two to hold your ears -- it really kicks up a racket. 
If you really don't care to hear that piercing squeal, just get into the habit of changing the battery every six months.
The easiest way I know  to remember is to do it whenever you set your clocks forward
or backward for the  change in daylight saving time. 

Be forewarned, though: when you insert the new battery, the smoke alarm may scream at you
briefly. Just stick the battery on in. It'll quit screaming after a second. 


Circuit Breakers and Fuses 

Men are notoriously bullheaded about circuit breakers. They never seem to want to take the time to write down which
breaker controls which lights, outlets, etc. If that's never been done for your house, it's a good project for you and
the kids, or you and any other person who's willing to help you. Don't try to do it by yourself - you'll
wear yourself out running back and forth to the circuit box. 

You need some way to communicate with each other - cell phone,  cordless phone, your kid's walkie talkies,
yelling, whatever works. Turn on everything in the house, lights, TV's, fans, everything. Then note on a clipboard which
appliances are off when you click off a particular breaker or fuse. Once you've finished it, put it in a logical place near
the circuit box, so you can refer to it when you need to turn off power to a particular section. 



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



Recently a young woman came into my father's insurance office with her
newborn twins. Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them
apart. She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had
any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth."



v v v v v



The redneck man was seated in the cafeteria when a woman and
her two children sat down nearby and began to eat.  Suddenly the
redneck belched.

"Sir," said the woman haughtily, "Are you in the habit of doing
that before YOUR children?"

"Well, I'll tell you, ma'am," he replied.  "There are no rules in
my house.  Sometimes I go first, sometimes they go first.  Hell,
sometimes even my WIFE goes first!"



v v v v v





How to Plant Rose Bushes

Rose bushes need plenty of sun and fertile soil to grow well. To plant rose bushes, you should:



1. Dig a hole a few inches deeper than the rose's root ball.

2. Add several inches of rich compost and well rotted manure to the planting hole.

3. Place your rose bush in the planting hole and fill the hole with topsoil.

4. Water the rose well to remove any air pockets.



v v v v v



ZUCCHINI BOATS  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
4 medium zucchini  
1 cup long grain rice, cooked  
1 medium yellow onion, chopped  
1 garlic clove, chopped  
1 egg, beaten  
2 tablespoons olive oil  
1/2 pound lean ground beef  
1/2 cup bread crumbs  
2 cups canned spaghetti sauce  
3 tablespoons fresh dill, chopped  
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped  
2 tablespoons parmesan cheese, grated  

DIRECTIONS:  
Split zucchini lengthwise, scoop out seeds. Saute ground  
beef, onion, garlic, dill, and parsley in olive oil. Remove  
from heat. Add cooked rice, beaten egg, 1/4 c bread crumbs  
and mix well. Fill zucchini with mixture and place in a  
baking dish. Cover with spaghetti sauce, sprinkle cheese and  
remaining bread crumbs on top. Cover and bake at 350 for  
approx 45 minutes, until zucchini is tender but firm.  

Category: Vegetables, Side Dishes  



v v v v v



Two privates stationed at Fort Campbell were handed shovels
and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they
got into an argument about what they were burying.
"This here's a big mule!"

"This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey."

"Mule!"

"Donkey!"

Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came
by. "What are you boys doing?"

"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."

"Donkey, dammit!"

The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass."

An hour later, the camp commander came up and said,
"What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?"

"No sir. We're diggin' an asshole."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net








v v v v v



If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash
knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel vision!



v v v v v



A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the
pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first
row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I
become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She
stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and
when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think
I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back

of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a
damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and
I think I can!"



v v v v v





Erin
worldstart.com


We all know that pop ups are bad and to help our computers combat against them, most of us have pop up blockers
installed on our PCs, right? I know I do! I don't like to waste my time with those things! But, on the other hand, has
a pop up ever prevented you from clicking on a link that you wanted to check out?
This has happened to me quite a few times too.

So, what can we do? Well, first of all, this is what happens. Maybe one of your friends sent you an e-mail with a link
to this Web site they wanted you to see. Or maybe you're on a site and you want to click one of its links. Either way,
when you click on it, nothing happens. You probably see a little note at the bottom telling you that a pop up was
blocked, which is all well and good, but what about the link? The pop up actually ended up blocking the Web
site as well and it won't allow you to view it until you do something else.

When this happens, just hold down the Ctrl key on your keyboard and click the link again. This will offset your pop
up blocker and therefore, notify your computer that it's okay to view that particular link. With just a Ctrl + click, you
can enable the pop up and be able to see the site you've been waiting for.

That's all it takes. Pretty cool, huh?!



v v v v v



25% of all married men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave
the house.  Of these, 90% will kiss their house goodbye when
their wife leaves.



v v v v v



Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
"That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy"
"Yeah. What's it called Sharon?"

"Viens a moi."

"Viens a moi? What the does that mean?"

At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies,
is French for 'come to me.'"

Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"



v v v v v







*submitted by*
BillieJo50
Click here: Choking Game Education: Deadly Games Children Play: Awareness, Family Help, Statistics, Victims
http://www.deadlygameschildrenplay.com/en/home.asp
Deadly Games Children Play and Stop the Choking Game! hopes to increase the awareness of parents,
teachers, police, community groups and children to the risks that our young people are taking.
Along with the current strategy of teaching our young about the dangers of alcohol, tobacco, drugs and unprotected
sex, there is another underlined devil, which is the need for some children to experiment. Some of these
choices are deadly ones such as suffocation games and huffing (sniffing substances).
This site is constructed in an attempt to help educate parents, children, school officials, law enforcement and medical
examiners about this insidious activity which is killing children, frequently in the 10 to 16 year age range though
there are instances of children both older and younger who have been injured or died.

Click here: A gadget for germphobes - Styledash
http://www.styledash.com/2006/11/14/a-gadget-for-germphobes
For $10.95, you can have your very own zinc alloy, rubbery gadget that keeps you and your hands a safe distance
away from the offending germs. You can use The Handler for doorknobs, faucets, elevator buttons, ATM buttons,
toilet handles, public telephones ... well, you get the picture. The best part is that the Handler contains silver nano particles
which kill the germy-wermys on contact so that you don't drag the very thing you've
been trying to avoid back into your handbag.



v v v v v


What do women and 747s have in common?

They both have cockpits


v v v v v



What would you call a horny Eskimo dwarf?
A "frigid midget with a rigid digit."



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



(I'm sure these "Information Operators" are the reason the aspirin
industry is doing so well.) Let's listen in......

Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.

Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you sure you have the
spelling correct?

Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish
Bar but the B fell off.

Caller: I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?

Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please.

Operator: Where are you calling from?

Caller: The living room.

Caller: The water board please.

Operator: Which department?

Caller: Tap water

Operator: How are you spelling that?

Caller: With letters.

Caller: I'd like the number for a Reverend in Cardiff, please. Operator:
Do you have his name?

Caller: No, but this should help.....he has a dog named Ben.

Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.

Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers, don't you?

Caller: Er, yes, if you say so.



v v v v v









v v v v v



A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said,
"Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy
for her?

She would like something electric."

The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"



v v v v v



Two Mexicans were crossing the Sonora desert during August in an old
Ford Model "A" in which the windows we stuck in the up position.
They drove for about 20 miles and the one driving smells a foul
odor.  He says, "Hey Pedro, did you shit?"

Pedro answered, "no
Pancho, I didn't shit." So Pancho drives another 10 miles and the smell
is getting worse by the minute.

He says "Pedro, are you sure you didn't shit?"

Pedro says, "No Pancho, I told you I didn't shit."

Pancho drives for just a few more miles and finally stops the car, gets out and goes
around and opens Pedro's door and tells him to get out of the car.

"Drop your pants!" Pedro drops his pants. Pancho says, "Goddamn it you
said that you didn't shit!"

Pedro answers "Oh, I thought you meant today." 



v v v v v




Click here: DevilDucky - Time Lapse Raspberry Blowing
http://lovethissite.com/
A raspberry in slow mo!  Funny looking!

Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/331.html

Click here: Butt Sniffing! - More Humor from Tiggy's Rib-Ticklers!
http://www.tiggysribticklers.com/tig1552.htm



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



Lines To Get Out Of Jury Duty


I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him

I think laws are for sissies.

Would I have to bathe?

Can each of my personalities vote in the deliberation?

My religion specifically prohibits me from sitting near other
people.

I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.



v v v v v



What do you call a woman who's PMSing and has ESP?

A bitch who knows everything!



v v v v v




Click here: Would you dress like a Disney princess for your wedding? - Styledash
http://www.styledash.com/2007/02/23/would-you-dress-like-a-disney-princess-for-your-wedding/
Just what you always wanted for your wedding day: to be a princess. Thanks to a new initiative from Disney,
that dream could become a reality. The company has recently introduced a series of
dresses fashioned after their fictional cartoon heroines.

Click here: Shoes
http://shoes.about.com/
Shoes!  Oh the thrill of buying new shoes!

Click here: Relationships & Family
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/3LVC
Information and resources about friendship, divorce, child custody and single parenting.
   


v v v v v



If Tarzan and Jane were Polish, what would Cheetah be?

The smartest of the three!



v v v v v



A man goes to the doctor complaining that his right arm hurts like mad.
After an examination, tha M.D. diagnosis his problem as chronic tennis
elbow, but suggests a rather expensive urine test to verify the
diagnosis.  When the man explains this to his wife, she says "That's
horseshit, you can't diagnose tennis elbow from a urine sample!" She
takes his half full spacimin jar and add a squirt of her own, has their
daughter do the same and just for good luck, gets a few drops from the
family dog.  The man sends the sample off to the lab, and a couple of
days later the doctor calls back with the results.

"Well the results of your specimen are back,
Your wife is screwing the mailman
Your dog is pregnant
Your daughter has the clap
And if you don't stop jerking off,
you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow."



v v v v v







Click here: The Walkaway Wife Syndrome
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/walk.php
While the 'Deadbeat Dad' is a cad, what about the many women
who bail out of marriage for ultimately selfish reasons?

Click here: http://www.lovelife.com/flirt-woman.html
http://www.lovelife.com/flirt-woman.html
A guide for cyber- gentlemen

Click here: Styledash
http://www.styledash.com/category/men/
Check out the latest trends 

v v v v v



   The Top 9 Differences if the United Nations Was Run by Birds


9> *Nothing* in the cafeteria would taste like chicken.

8> Automatic resolution denouncing any coup that results in
    statues being torn down.

7> "Peck or Tweet for UNICEF!"

6> "All in favor of the resolution, preen; all opposed, stick
    your head under your wing."

5> Every winter the entire UN headquarters migrates from New York to Miami.

4> Security Council chamber carpeted with the International
    Herald Tribune.

3> Scandals involve officials caught exploiting the
    "Crackers-for-Oil" program.

2> "I tawt I taw U Thant! I deed! I deed!"


                and the Number 1 Difference if the
                United Nations Was Run by Birds...


1> There would be a big red "X" taped on every single pane of
    glass at the UN HQ.



v v v v v



COCONUT CREME BRULEE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  


INGREDIENTS:  
1 cup heavy cream  
1 cup coconut milk, fresh or canned  
8 egg yolks  
1/3 cup granulated white sugar  
1 teaspoon vanilla  
2 tablespoons Malibu rum  
1/4 cup granulated white sugar (for the caramelized tops)  
(optional) 3 tablespoons toasted, sweetened, flaked coconut  

DIRECTIONS:  
Preheat oven to 300 degrees. In a large bowl, combine the  
cream, coconut milk, egg yolks, sugar, vanilla, and rum.  
Whisk until smooth. Skim off any foam or bubbles. Divide  
mixture among 6 ramekins or custard cups. Place in a water  
bath and bake until set around the edges, but still loose  
in the center, about 50 minutes. Remove from oven and leave  
in the water bath until cooled. Remove cups from water bath  
and chill for at least 2 hours, or up to 2 days. When ready  
to serve, sprinkle about 2 teaspoons of sugar over each  
custard and caramelize with small butane torch. When the top  
has hardened, sprinkle the toasted coconut evenly over the  
finished creme brulee.  

NOTES: To toast coconut, spread it out in a thin layer on a  
baking sheet. Place in a 300 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes,  
until lightly browned. Shake the baking sheet a few times while  
toasting, checking often to be sure it doesn't burn.  

Also, if you do not have the torch you can put under the  
broiler one at a time to caramelize the sugar but watch carefully  
to prevent burning them.  

Yield: Serves 6  



v v v v v

Click here: Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml



v v v v v



I work as a bank teller, and I'm required to obtain identification
from customers making withdrawals, even if I knew them, at the window.

On Mrs. Brady's third visit to my window in a week, she balked
at my request for ID.  "I can't believe you do not know me after
these five years' banking!" she said, with shock.

A few minutes later, I relieved the teller at the drive-up
window, and was surprised to see Mrs. Brady in the next car.
"Hi, Mrs. Brady," I said, laughing.  "Back again so soon?"

"I'm glad YOU remember me," she huffed.  "That girl inside never does!"



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his
clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a
hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later,
the wife's roommate commented, "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."



v v v v v






Click here: Launch a Program with a Keyword
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/31XQ
Windows Desktop Search is useful just for finding documents and pictures quickly, but one feature of WDS
that I love is the ability to launch a program with a keyword. Using Deskbar shortcuts, you can start just about
any application just by typing a keyword into the WDS Deskbar. If you find keyboard shortcuts useful but want
to be able to start programs just by typing a memorable word, learn more
about using keywords to start programs with WDS.



v v v v v



Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

A: They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's going!



v v v v v



On one occasion William Howard Taft, in his work as an attorney,
took a train to Somerville, about 40 miles north of his home
in Cincinnati.  At the end of the day he knew that the policy of
the railway was not to stop for just one passenger to board. He
therefore sent this telegram: "Stop at Somerville for a large party."

As the train came to a halt, Taft began to board the train, and
conductor asked, "Where's the large party?"

Taft, with all of his 335 pounds, replied, 'I'M the large party."
Thanks Stan Kegel



v v v v v






Click here: The Daily Advertiser - www.theadvertiser.com - Lafayette, LA
http://www.theadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061120/OPINION03/611200323
Banning cell phones won't help crazy drivers -  I agree with this!

Click here: PC World - Privacy Watch: Phishers Put Their Lures on Cell Phones
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,127845-c,cellphones/article.html
Have you ever been SMiShed? That's not as personal a question as it may sound to
the uninitiated, but it does relate to protecting your personal data.
SMiShing, a term coined by researchers for the McAfee security software firm, describes a form of
phishing in which the bad guys send an SMS (short message service) message to a person's
mobile phone. The first such messages purported to come from dating-service Web sites. Victims
would receive a message announcing that the site intended to charge them $2 a day unless
they visited the URL listed in the message and followed the steps outlined there to unsubscribe
from the service. Upon browsing to the URL (via computer), victims would get hit with drive-by
downloads that installed Trojan horse software that subsequently would steal
passwords and do other nasty things to the victims' PC.

Click here: CNET Online Courses: Send E-Mail From Your Smart Phone - Mobile Tips, Tricks, and How-tos at CNET.
http://ct.help.cnet.com/clicks?t=20680597-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
Just because you leave the office doesn’t mean you have to leave your e-mail behind. Armed with a
smartphone and a little know-how, you can take your e-mail on the road. Also, learn how to use
b SMS and IM to communicate with others without taking a call.
In this course, you’ll learn to:

Understand your smartphone’s e-mail capabilities
Choose a smartphone based on specific features
Configure your smartphone to send and receive mail
Manage mail on your phone and handle large attachments
Filter out spam
Send and receive instant messages



v v v v v



An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a
roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some
victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"



v v v v v



Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"



v v v v v







v v v v v



A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher.
She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, 
when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the 
attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist 
woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so.

She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the 
appropriate, Buddhist response.

The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and 
with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."



v v v v v



A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper
and one questioner stopped an elderly Italian gentleman in the street
who was wearing a black suit and asked him how often he had sexual
intercourse.

"Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman.
The questioner smiled.

"I thought you Italians were supposed to be sexy!" she said.

"We are," said the gentleman.
" But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a
seventy-two year old priest with no car"



v v v v v






Talking Trash


Many an ordinary item at Disney World has hidden entertainment value. Take a sip of water at the drinking fountain in Epcot's
Innoventions Plaza (the one right next to the Mouse Gear shop close to Innoventions East) and it may beg you not to drink it
dry. No, you haven't gotten too much sun -- the fountain actually talks (much to the delight of kids and the surprise of
unsuspecting adults). A few more talking fountains are scattered around Epcot.

The fountains aren't the only items at WDW that talk. You might kibitz with a walking and talking garbage can (named PUSH) in
Tomorrowland at the Magic Kingdom (he's been known to make appearances at Epcot as well). An assortment of sassy (if not
mobile) garbage cans are also in place at the Magic Kingdom inside Cosmic Ray's Starlight Café. And a personable palm
tree (who goes by Wes Palm) may strike up a conversation with you at Animal Kingdom. Ask a Disney employee to direct you if you
want to meet any of these chatty contraptions.


For more, look to the 2007 edition of Walk Disney World &
Orlando For Dummies [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-04
70043490.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Laura Miller.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her,
damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.

"What kind of car was he driving?" the husband asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and
for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each
car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every
make and model.

It worked!

About a week later she bounded in with a pleased look on her face.....

"Honey...guess what? I just hit a Buick Regal."



v v v v v



"Daddy, Charlie asked me to marry him, but I told him I couldn't  
leave Mama."  

"Oh, that's okay. Take her with you."  



v v v v v





Some people think that $15,000 for a
Brazilian butt lift is a lot, but I
know I'd certainly pay that much to
have some buff Brazilian guy walk behind
me all day holding up my ass cheeks.
  (Duxall Inarow)


The bouncer at the lesbian orgy asked if I
was staying for only part of the night, but
I said, "No, I'm here for the whole she-bang."
  (Max Angell)


They say the brain is the most important
sexual organ, but I'll be damned if I
can figure out where to put the thing.
Ladies, a little help please?
  (Jim Rosenberg)


As I was growing up, Dad always said there was
something good deep inside me just waiting to come
out. I never imagined, though, that my moment of
self-discovery would revolve around an ill-fated
decision to help out a friend from Colombia and an
awkward run-in with a rubber-gloved customs agent.
(Brad Simanek)


I don't hear very well on the phone, and
I wouldn't have changed phone companies
if I had realized the lady wasn't saying
that I would definitely prefer her cervix.
  (Steve Eller)


I was sad to hear of the passing of an old
family friend, because now it's just one
more person in the everafter who's going
to see me whacking it while downloading porn.
  (Dustin Moskowitz)



v v v v v



*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net



Definitions Not Found In The Dictionary



ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.


BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.


CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.


CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.


COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.


DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

 
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
 

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

 
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

 
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

 
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

 
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

 
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

 
TOOTHACHE:

The pain that drives you to extraction.


TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
 

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

 
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. 
You have character lines.



v v v v v









v v v v v



The bar drunk was bragging about his sexual exploits. "You know," he
said, "I once banged a cute little oriental stewardess right there in
the plane during an overnight flight. Hey, I really put on a
sustained performance that time! I was so damn good they oughta make
a picture about it. Let's see...what would be a good title?"

The bartender yawned and said, "How about Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo?"



v v v v v



When a man met his friend on the street one day, he noticed
that he had a terrible cold.  He asked him if he had seen a
doctor about it and his friend said, "No, but I probably
should.  Do you know a good doctor?"   The man gave his
friend the name of his own doctor and assured him that 
he would be in good hands.

About a week later, they met again and the man wasn't sure
if his friend's cold was really better.  So, he asked him,
"Did you see my doctor?"

"Oh, yeah," his friend said.  "He was a really nice guy."

The man asked, "Did he give you something to help your cold?"

"Sure did," his friend answered, somewhat enthusiastically.
"He told me to drink a big glass of fresh orange juice  after
a hot bath."

The man asked, "Well, did it help?"

And  his friend said, "I don't really know,
I haven't finished drinking the bath yet."



v v v v v






Top 10 Songs About Wonderful Cities


There's nothing better than having a good song about your hometown. The folks at
(http://music.ign.com/articles/757/757948p1.html) put together a list of their "Top 10 Songs About Wonderful Cities,"
kicking off with a four-way tie at #10, and listing the artist's rendition they most love

10. "New York, New York" - Frank Sinatra
10. "Viva Las Vegas" -  Elvis Presley
10. "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" - Tony Bennet
10.  "Do You Know The Way To San Jose" - Dionne Warwick
09. "One Night In  Bangkok" - Benny Andersson / Time Rice / Bjorn Ulvaeus
08. "Detroit Rock  City" - KISS
07. "Cleveland Rocks" - Ian Hunter / The Presidents Of The  United States
06. "LA, LA" - Capone-N-Noreaga
05. "Katmandu" - Bob  Seger
04. "The Guns Of Brixton" - The Clash
03. "A Bar In Bakersfield" -  Merle Haggard
02. "One Great City" - The Weakerthans
01. "Istanbul (Not  Constantinople)" - They Might Be Giantsd



v v v v v



An old man sitting on the nursing home porch in the spring sunlight
turns to the old man sitting next to him and chuckles, "Spring days
like this really take me back. Do you remember the first time you
made love to your wife?"

"Hell No", says the other fellow, "I don't even remember the LAST time...."



v v v v v



While fishing an old rock quarry, I noticed SCUBA divers were diving at the 
other end of the pond.  When I hooked a fish, one of the divers came over to
watch me fight it.


After about ten minutes my line became hung up.  I was about to break the
line when the diver said he would go down and see what I was hung up on.  So in
he went.

After several minutes he came up and said, "Man ... you've hooked the
biggest catfish I ever saw!   Why, it’s as big as a man.  But there are some old
cars down there and it went inside one and hung you up."

"Well," I asked, “Why don't you take a stick and drive it out of the car?"

"I tried," he said, "but  each time I poked at him with the stick, he rolled
the window up!"       



v v v v v







*submitted by*
BillieJo50
Click here: Noah's Ark
http://www.brookviewcottage.com/miles/cards/noah/noah.html
A matching game

Click here: Poker - World Series of Poker, Play Free Poker Online, Texas Hold em, 5-Card Stud, Omaha - AOL Games
http://games.aol.com/poker
Play online now -- and Register for one of our nine World Series of Poker Qualifier Tournaments starting Friday,
November 10. The stakes? A chance to win a FREE seat to the 2007 World Series of Poker No-Limit
Texas Hold'em Championship Tournament in Las Vegas next summer.

Click here: Rainbow Islands - Candyland (Games & Entertainment - Arcade)
http://download.lockergnome.com/download/102299
Once upon a time there was a happy and cheerful country named CandyLand. But then along came GLUTTIUS,
the evil sorcerer. He captured the land with his witchcraft and gobbled half of its dwellers, and those who survived
became his servants. You must pass through all the islands of the fairyland,
get to the evil sorcerer and defeat him!



v v v v v



        Most of you have no doubt heard the bawdy limerick
      that begins: "There once was a man from Nantucket...."
          If not, Google that phrase and you'll probably
          find thousands of instances of it on the web.

           If you've never heard it and are not in the
         mood to use Google, let's just say that the man
         in question has a rather large manly appendage.
       And we wondered what movies might be made about him.

       Naturally, we've got a Certified Filthy! version of
      today's list on the website for you ClubTop5 members.
Just go here:  http://www.topfive.com/arcs_top5/tx060403.shtml


          The Top 16 Movies About the Man From Nantucket
                (R-rated version)


16> Lord of the Thing

15> American History XXXL

14> Monster, Inc.

13> Peter Almighty

12> The Groin Mile

11> The Milton Berle Story

10> Two-Hand Luke

9> Craving Ryan's Privates

8> Citizen Cane

7> Terms of Endowment

6> Swingin' in the Rain

5> Mandongo

4> My Big Fat Greek Willy

3> A Mighty Wand

2> Bend It Like Clinton


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Movie About the Man From Nantucket...


1> The OhMyGod!father



v v v v v



One afternoon, I was in the backyard tending to the garden when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into
the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down  the hall and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his
position in the  hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. 

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with
ten children -  he's trying to catch up on his sleep."



v v v v v

*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here: http://www.angelfire.com/art2/cbas/makeitthruthenite.html
http://www.angelfire.com/art2/cbas/makeitthruthenite.html

Click here: Cakeman
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=divorcesupport&cdn=people&tm=4&gps=55_376_1193_850&
f=00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//divorcesupport.about.com/od/hisissues/a/mencakeman.htm
There is no telling how many men at any given time are cheating on their wives. To get an accurate reading
would be almost impossible. You would have to ask men about something that they normally lie about and
then expect them to tell the truth. Probably the best way to get an accurate reading is to ask men
how many of them feel they have been driven to an affair by their wives. I am sure men would be more than glad to
own up to being a victim of circumstance and not having been the bad guy in the situation. As long as men
keep looking to blame someone or something for their infidelity, women will be lost
on how to change their cheating ways.

Click here: Revenge Dating
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=divorcesupport&cdn=people&tm=3&gps=88_285_1193_850&f=00
&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//divorcesupport.about.com/od/hisissues/a/menrevengedate.htm
When a relationship ends there are many ways both men and women can handle the breakup. It would be great if
everyone was in agreement about the benefits of the breakup and went on their merry way much better for the
experience. The sad truth is that, while one person usually feels good about the breakup and is glad they
had the courage to move on with their life, the other person is usually devastated by the event. Just as there are many
ways to initiate a breakup, there are many ways to handle a breakup once it has happened. One of the worst
ways men (and sometimes women) handle a breakup is to start revenge dating

   

v v v v v



Say That Again?   Media Slip-ups


~ Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer
for warmth during the BBC's eclipse coverage: "They seem cold out
there, they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."

~ Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks, Nick
likes to use Fanny; other weeks, he prefers to do it by himself."

~ Ulrika Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about
snowfall: "I had a good eight inches last night."

~ Trevor Brooking talking about David Beckham's groin strain
during the recent England vs. Germany match: "He's certainly led
by example this evening and his injury's stood up superbly."

~ Peter Alliss on Rivero's golf drive: "Gosh, what an enormous
one for such a little chap!"

~ Lorraine Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag
and our resident stylist is here to give our model one."

~ Chris Tarrant was trying to help a female contestant name a
famous motor-racing commentator. The answer was Murray Walker, so
Chris said, "I'll give you a clue. His name sounds like something
hard that tastes good when you suck it."  "Ah," she replied,
"it must be Dickie Davies."

~ Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

~ Jack Burnicle talking about Colin Edwards' tires on World
Superbikes: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet
he wished he had a hard on now."

~ Richard Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on
Countdown: "Ah, 'erection', let's see it up please, Carol."

~ David Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain
Hunt, said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man."
"Yes," he replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."

~ Arthur Negus was well impressed by two glass decanters on the
Antiques Roadshow. He told their attractive owner: "That's the
nicest pair I've seen in ages."

~ During a snooker match, Jack Karnehm remarked, "This is a
very difficult shot, he's only got one and a half inches between
the balls."

~ Lowri Turner discussing high heels on Looking Good: "Some women
will do anything for that extra three inches."

~ After comparing real-life copper Ron Caddon to the fictional cops
in The Bill, TVam's Mike Morris summed up: "We need more Rons to
join our police force."



v v v v v









v v v v v



M O R E...



~ Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith
Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first
by herself in bed last night."

~ Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes
what he sees."

~ Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

~ Beatrice Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in
Baghdad when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation,
I was getting it twice a day in my hotel room."

~ David Coleman: "That's the fastest time ever run, but it's not
as fast as the world record."

~ During the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator
Richie Benaud observed: "Notices are appearing at courses telling
golfers not to lick their balls on the green."

~ Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham
vs. Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With
his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

~ Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night
like this."

~ Charlie Dimmock was helping Alan Titchmarsh with a tree stake on
Ground Force. "How far am I in?" he asked. "About eight inches,"
Charlie replied, "but I need a few more inches."

~ A mind-blowing insight from tennis expert Pam Shriver: "They
don't come any quicker on the women's tour than Sugiyama."

~ Carol Baxter was trying to identify an apple when she opined:
"And this one tastes like Cox."

~ James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix,
asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by
Barrichello?"

~ Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much
better today after a 69."

~ Steve Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics
Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic
champion inside him."

~ A Bolex is a type of camera, which is why Peter Alliss told
the photographer blocking his view: "Move your Bolex to one side,
there's a good chap."

~ The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath
away. "My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

~ Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for
a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams
a night about coming from different positions."

~ Chain Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in
contestant called Richard when he told two women competitors:
"That's enough Dick for both of you."

~ Expert David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped
lid on Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed, "This is the most
magical, wonderful knob I have ever seen!"

~ Slimming expert Sally Ann Voak was talking about John Suchet's
belly when she said, "I'm sure you have a little bulge down
there John."

~ Steve Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild,
told Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."

~ Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team
Live, said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

~ Brough Scott: "And there's the *unmistakable* figure of Joe
Mercer ... or is it Lester Piggott?"

~ Dan Maskell: "And here come the Gullikson twins, both from Wisconsin."



v v v v v









v v v v v



Soon after my 16-year-old sister started working after school as
a grocery-store cashier, I went to see how she was doing.  I tried
to make myself inconspicuous as I waited to check out my purchases.
Ahead of me was a young man who was flirting with my sister.

Both embarrassed and amused by his advances, she continued to ring
up his groceries.

Finally the persistent fellow ventured, "Would you like to go out
to dinner with me tonight?"

Oblivious to his questions and adhering to her employee training,
she asked him, "And how will you be paying?"



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com



Tired of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country cottage,
a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the
lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next trip, he made his
approach down the airport runway as usual. Alarmed, his wife cried out,
"Are you crazy? You can't land this plane here without wheels!" The
startled husband abruptly yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain
disaster. Continuing, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As
he sat there, visibly shaken he said to his wife, "I don't know what got
into me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!" And with
that, he opened the door and stepped out, falling into the water.




v v v v v






Click here: Defrag Your Windows XP Computer: How to Defrag a Computer
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BMU
Over time, the data on your hard drive gets scattered. Taking the time to defrag a computer puts
your data back into sequential order, making it easier for Windows to access it. As a result, the
performance of your computer will improve if you defrag the computer.

To defrag a computer, follow the step-by-step instructions in this tutorial.
   



v v v v v



There was a gospel group, known simply as "Resurrection," who were
scheduled to appear at a local church in January. The day before,
weather forecasts did not sound promising.

The town wound up with 36" snow overnight!!  The group was still
three hundred miles away, and there was no way they were going to
be able to make it overnight to the church.

In the morning, when he received a phone call from Resurrection's
booking agent, saying they could not make the trip, he had the
one Deacon post a sign outside.

The Deacon merely posted the words, "Resurrection cancelled due
to inclement weather!"



v v v v v








Click here: Best Inspiration from the Net - The ABC's of Friendship
http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire24.htm

Click here: ~*~ I Know ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/iknowse.html

Click here: You're A Great Friend - A Video Greeting from Dobhran.com
http://www.ecardsaddict.com/scripts/tg/out.cgi?id=dobhran2



v v v v v



*submitted by*
DeVulcano


A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.  "Good
morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of
your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners."

"Go away," said the old lady. "I haven't got any money, I'm broke!"
As she proceeded to close the door, the young man wedged his foot in the
door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty," he said. "Not until you
have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket
of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darn good
appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning



v v v v v



*submitted by*
WMBAAS



Hang on to any of the new Arkansas Quarters. If you have them, they may
be worth much more than 25 cents.

The US Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Arkansas
quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters
will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay
phones, or any other coin operated devices.

The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which was
designed by a team of Ozark specialists. Apparently the duct tape holding
the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming up the machines.



v v v v v









Nology-ology 101


In the red-hot world of performance ignition wires, Nology HotWires are white-hot. Their HotWires come engineered
with a special built-in capacitor, which creates a spark that is 300 times more powerful than your typical wire.
Here's how. The wire's unique design allows energy from the ignition coil to accumulate in the capacitor until
the voltage at the spark plug electrodes reaches the ionization point. The entire power of the stored spark
is discharged at once. The result is faster, more complete combustion, and more horsepower.



v v v v v



ROASTER ONION SOUP

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1/4 cup fresh Parmesan cheese, grated  
3 Spanish onions, cut in half lengthwise and thinly sliced  
1/4 cup brandy  
1 tablespoon fresh thyme, chopped  
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper  
1 garlic head, large, cloves separated, peeled and cut  
in half 4 cups low-sodium chicken broth 2 teaspoons  
olive oil (preferably extra-virgin olive oil) 1/4  
teaspoon salt, or to taste 3 large shallots, cut in half  
lengthwise and thinly sliced.  

DIRECTIONS:  
Set oven rack at the lowest level; preheat to 450 degrees.  
Combine onions, shallots, garlic and oil in a large shallow  
roasting pan. Roast for 20 to 25 minutes, stirring every 5  
minutes, or until the onions are golden. Remove from oven  
and pour in one-fourth of the chicken stock. Stir liquid  
in the pan, scraping the bottom to loosen and dissolve any  
caramelized bits. (The liquid will become quite dark.)  
Transfer the onion mixture to a soup pot and add brandy,  
thyme and the remaining chicken stock. Bring to a boil;  
reduce heat to low and simmer, covered, for 30 minutes.  
Season with salt and pepper and top with Parmesan cheese.  

Yield: 4 generous Servings  



v v v v v



The Top 15 NASCAR Vanity License Plates


15> TAIL G8R

14> I 1

13> I HAV GED

12> 2THLESS

11> GR8 CRSH

10> 3 MPG

9> I 8 GRITS

8> GETN DZY

7> !TI 3VOM

6> ORGN DNR

5> GOTTA P

4> U KLD DAD

3> ZZZZZZZ

2> URN HART


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 NASCAR Vanity License Plate...


1> C ME FLIP



v v v v v






Click here: PC World - PC World Downloads - Desktop Sidebar
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64384/description.html?tk=nl_hsxdwn
Enhance XP with a Vista-like sidebar that includes: calendars, calculators, and more.
Vista has a nifty Windows sidebar with handy stuff -- calendars, calculators, quick access to your media player,
and RSS feeds. Desktop Sidebar does the same, with zillions of add-ons, such as a file
browser, weather, news, e-mail checker.  FREE

Click here: Free Java, Symbian, Palm and Pocket PC Software
http://www.getjar.com/software/
free software for your handheld and phone. GetJar has tons of free programs you can download
and use. There are browsers, e-mail programs and more. You can search by phone/handheld model or operating system.
I searched using my phone model and found cool programs I downloaded directly via the phone's browser.

Click here: PC World - PC World Downloads - XP Cursors
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64469/description.html?tk=nl_hsxdwnb
Here's a well-designed cursor set that would be fine for the office.
Most of the cursors, in gray and kelly green, are animated yet
unobtrusive. For example, the text cursor is a small I-beam that
changes from blue to green; and the pointer, an easy-to-find stylized
green arrow, is not animated. The files come in an executable that
installs the cursor set and makes the scheme available for selection
in Mouse Properties, Pointers.    

   

v v v v v



*submitted by*
WaltWiso


A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
"What's with those guys? We've been waiting 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such inept golfers!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him." 

He said, "Hello, George! 

"What's wrong with the group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving
our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. 

The priest said,  That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague
and see if there's anything he can do for them." 

The engineer said,  "Why can't they play at night?"



v v v v v



*submitted by*
Granny B 132



A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was  in bed with
her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~  It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun,
so the rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and
jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of
the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his  arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little
while a small  group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he  replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner  moved a long side. "Do you always run
carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

Oh ,yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the
run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and
queried,  "Do you always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope.........just when it's raining.



v v v v v





AOL's Best New Artists of  '06

(http://www.stereogum.com/archives/004185.html)
(http://www.stereogum.com/archives/cat_shit_list.html)

. 
25. Mario Vazquez
24. Vanessa Hudgens
23. Paris  Hilton
22. Lady Sovereign
21. Daniel Powter
20. Brooke Hogan
19.  Wolfmother
18. Taylor Swift
17. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
16.  Cherish
15. Hinder
14. Kellie Pickler
13. Jibbs
12. The  Raconteurs
11. Cassie
10. Lupe Fiasco
09. KT Tunstall
08. Danity  Kane
07. Daughtry
06. LeToya
05. Yung Joc
04. Corinne Bailey  Rae
03. The Fray
02. Gnarls Barkley
01. Ne-Yo
Eerie, right?  We're thinking they may have missed one or two debuts close to our hearts, but 
they did get Hinder on there. So, all good, AOL!
Consider our jaws "dropped." 



v v v v v



*submitted by*
Granny B 132


WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK


I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs, 
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce, 
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As  I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt
to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as
I placed the items in front of the cashier. 

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases,
the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I
was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I
was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the
belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on
earth did you know that?" 

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."



v v v v v



The Top 20 Country-Western Rap Artists


20> SixPac Shakur

19> The Dixie Bizznitches

18> Hay-Z

17> ODV (Ol' Dirty Varmint)

16> Whoa Nelly!

15> Coolio-lay-dee-hooo!

14> Mixmaster Merle

13> N.R.A.

12> C. Twitty

11> Snoop Hounddy Houndd

10> DJ Jazzy Jeb and the Fresh Prince of Cheyenne

9> The Bestiality Boys

8> Ma-Rule

7> Ol' Dirty Haggard

6> 2 Live Chickens

5> Dudicris

4> DJ Dolly P. and Her Notoriously B.I.G. Ones

3> Shaniqua Twizzain

2> Ron's GMC


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Country-Western Rap Artist...


1> 50 Cent Haircut



v v v v v







Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/536.html
Cool bike eh?

Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/538.html

Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/812.html

Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/813.html

Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/814.html

*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead.com
Click here: Features : Radar Online
http://radaronline.com/features/2007/03/the_horniest_presidents_1.php
Who were the horniest Presidents of all?  Yep - here's the list

2.  Click here: nuttinWrong
http://madmanjokes.com/Movies/nuttinWrong.html
This guy sees nothing wrong with not wearing any clothes



v v v v v



Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control



v v v v v



Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind



v v v v v

©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

v v v v v

382