Editor:
DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet
NICE!
Ever buy stuff from stores that offer a 30 day price protection guarantee? If
they lower their price within
30 days of when you purchased it, they'll refund you the difference. Sounds
great... except how often do you remember to the check price again?
Now you don't have to. Let Price Protecter do it for you! It's free. It's easy.
It's free and easy money. How often do you get that offer?
Find this in the SURFIN section!
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted
to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep
current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my
heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to
ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"I love your site. Would like to sign up for your news letter every week. Tnanks,
Dolly"
dollon42@neo.rr.comb
v
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When you see "smothered chicken" on a menu,
do you get a mental picture of a chef
suffocating a chicken with a tiny
pillow back in the kitchen, or is it just me?
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
WaltWiso
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman
peering in the shop window at the
posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had
a very good week and the
dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you
could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending
you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets
and book a room in a five star hotel.
They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank
you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
v
v v v v
Well, Scorcese finally won an Oscar.
But how does the average celeb know
if they should just hang it up?
The
Top 9 Signs You're a Has-Been
9> Gary Coleman is your agent.
8> "The Surreal Life" won't return your calls.
7> McDonald's makes you wait 45 minutes for a table.
6> You used to be a Bond girl. Now you're a Gold Bond girl.
5> Your old friend Michael Richards thinks it would be better for
his career if you stopped hanging out with him.
4> You stalk the paparazzi to try to give them photos of your
pantyless hoo-ha.
3> Your Wikipedia entry was removed because "Nobody gives a rat's ass."
2> The Confetti Manufacturers Association expresses an interest
in purchasing every copy of your autobiography.
and the Number 1 Sign You're a Has-Been...
1> You still have your legwarmers from your "Facts of Life"
guest-spot.
v
v v v v
Bubble
Gum Pussycat
1 oz Vodka
1 oz Bubble Gum Schnapps
1 oz cherry mix
fill pineapple juice
ice
Add 2 oz flavor mix or Schnapps for a
Cherry, Peach, Blackberry, Raspberry, Strawberry,
or Wildberry Bubble Gum Pussycat
Dirty
Hooker
1/2 oz Sour Puss raspberry liqueur
1/2 oz creme de bananes
Pour in equal parts into a shot
glass, stir and serve
v
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It is not how deep you plant the seed.
It is how long you can stay in the field.
v
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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing
on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you,
ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to
work, and I've noticed that every day
you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!"
"That's right."
"Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread
and yet this morning you were hitting him with
a chocolate cake....?"
"Well, today is his birthday!"
v
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The
TRUE Story of Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack pulled down his pants.
Jill said, "What's that?"
Jack said, "I don't know."
Jill pulled down her pants and
Jack said "EWE!! What's that?"
Jill said, "I don't know."
And then they went home.
Later on, Jill went to her mom
and pulled down her pants.
Jill said, "mommy, what is that?"
and her mom said,
"that's your garage,
never ever let a car park on your garage."
Jack went to his dad and pulled down his pants.
Jack said, "daddy, whats this?"
His dad said
"That's your car,
don't park a car in anyone's garage till you're older."
The next day Jack and Jill went up the hill again.
Jack pulled down his pants and Jill said,
"Ewe, what IS that?
Jack said, "That's my car,
I'm not so posed to park my car in anyone's garage."
Jill pulled down her pants and Jack said
"Ewe, what IS that?
Jill said, " that's my garage,
I'm not so posed to let any car park in my garage."
And then they went home.
Jill's mom saw Jill come in and asked
why she had blood all over her hands.
Jill says, "Jack tried to park his car
in my garage so I ripped off his back tires!!"
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click
here: USPS Postage Rate Calculator
http://postcalc.usps.gov/default.asp?StartOver=true&mode=Dom_Single&?Country=
Domestic&CountryIndex=1&MT=1&P=0&O=6&OZ=02148&DZ=02155
Postage rates, etc - - great and useful site!
Click
here: Video - Create a Family Disaster Plan
http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1Xe&zu=http%3A//home.about.com/z/cg/vp.htm%3Fch%3Dhealth%26l%3Dhealth/v/6%26ap%3D1
Everyone hopes a real emergency will never happen. Get tips on developing a
disaster plan for
your family and find out how you can be prepared.. Why Create a Family Disaster
Plan?
If anything is predictable, it's that life is unpredictable. Natural disasters
or unspeakable tragedies like 9-11 are never
part of the plan, but they're not always avoidable. The very nature of a disaster
is that it strikes quickly. If a major emergency
occurs where you live, you may have to get by without water and electricity
for days. Stores may be closed. You may even
have to evacuate. Planning ahead can ensure that you and your family make it
through a difficult time safe and sound.
Click here: Great Backyard Bird Count
— Great Backyard Bird Count
http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc
The Great Backyard Bird Count is an annual four-day event that engages bird
watchers of all ages in counting birds
to create a real-time snapshot of where the birds are across the continent.
Anyone can participate, from beginning bird
watchers to experts. It takes as little as 15 minutes. It’s free, fun, and easy—and
it helps the birds.
See and use the 2007
GBBC PowerPoint presentation.
Click here: In2TV - AOL Television
http://television.aol.com/in2tvYou can find all kinds of videos on the Internet.
Sites like YouTube and Google Video feature a wide variety.
These sites are mostly limited to amateur videos, though. Sure, they can be
addictive, but sometimes
you want to watch something with a little more polish. That's where AOL's video
site comes in. You'll find entire episodes of television
shows. You'll have to watch a short commercial at the beginning, but that's
a small price to pay.
I could spend hours on this site. In addition to the television shows, there
are music videos and interviews.
Plus, you'll find links to videos on other sites. Bookmark this one!
Click here: Trulia - Real Estate, Homes For
Sale, Sold Properties, Real Estate Maps
http://www.trulia.com/
Delightfully smart real estate search - homes for sale, local price trends make
for better decisions
Click here: BibleMap.org
http://www.biblemap.org/
In the past 100 years, many countries have formed, while others have fallen
apart. And the names of places have also changed.
So it is no surprise that the world has changed a lot in the past 2,000 years.
It is vastly different from Biblical times.
This can make it difficult to visualize places and landmarks mentioned in the
Bible. If you need a little help placing them on the map, visit BibleMap.
Select from the English Standard or King James versions of the Bible. Then select
a book. You’ll see links to cities, regions, geographic
features and more. Click on the links to see them on the map.
The maps are from Google, so you can see satellite views. You can also zoom
in and out. And maybe you’ll
discover some of the pictures hidden throughout the site!
Click here: Price Protectr - Get your
money back!
http://www.priceprotectr.com/
Ever buy stuff from stores that offer a 30 day price protection guarantee? If
they lower their price within 30 days of
when you purchased it, they'll refund you the difference. Sounds great... except
how often do you remember to the check price again?
Now you don't have to. Let Price Protectr do it for you! It's free. It's easy.
It's free and esy money. How often do you get that offer?
Click here: listentoamovie.com
http://power.listentoamovie.com/
I know people who get bored at work sometimes. That’s unfortunate – we spend
most of our day at work, so it should be enjoyable.
But I suppose everybody has their days. So I have a site that will ease some
of your pain on those boring days.
At today’s Cool Site, you can select from a variety of popular movies and television
shows. They range from comedy to drama to science fiction.
There’s a catch, though: You can only listen to a movie. That’s right! There’s
no video to distract you – or tip off your boss.
And if your supervisor is really strict about these things, try the stealth
mode. It makes the player window look like a spreadsheet. How clever
Click here: YouTube
- John Mayer speaks Japanese when asked about Jessica Simpson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_A9pdLYtvQ&eurl=
John Mayer REALLY gets the best of Ryan Seacrest!! Not to miss!
v
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A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it. The genie popped out
and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."
The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer. "I want to be
hard all the time and get all the ass I want."
"As you wish," the genie replied.
So, the genie turned him into a toilet seat.
v
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God created woman, and she had three breasts.
He said to the woman,
"Is there anything on you that you'd like to change?"
She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"
God snapped his fingers and it was done.
She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,
"What am I going to do with this useless boob?"
Thus God created man.
v
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TIPSY POTATO SOUP
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
2 TB butter
1 Tsp.garlic
1 bunch green onions, chopped
1 stalk diced celery
6 cups boiled diced potatoes
32 ounces beer
1 TB sugar
1 TB chicken boullion
64 oz. chicken stock
Few TB flour to thicken
4 cups cream
salt and pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS:
Saute garlic in butter for 1 minute, add vegetables and
saute for 3-5 minutes or until tender. Add potatoes and
beer and bring to a boil. Mash potatoes against sides of
pot. Add sugar, stock, boullion and salt and pepper. Add
flour and stir until thickened. Add cream, stir and serve.
YIELD: 10 Servings
v
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The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are
far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take
tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers
calmed you down?"
"Yes" the mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" he asked.
"Who cares?" she replied.
v
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On their wedding night, Bruce displays his member to his new blonde
bride and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of course,
believes him.
He's gone for a conference for a couple of weeks he returns, only to be
questioned by his new wife.
"Bruce," she says, "I thought you said you had the only one in the world.
But Harry at the drug store has one too."
"Well, er," Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I
had two, so I gave him one of mine."
"Oh. Well, why did you give him the best one?"
v
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Saving
Millie
by
Tina Kotulski
For Tina Kotulski, daughter of a mentally ill mother, surviving the bizarre
landscape of schizophrenia came at a price.
Her traumatic childhood, overshadowed by her mother’s unpredictable and often
dangerous behavior, led Tina to attempt suicide
as an adolescent. Consequently separated from her mother, she remained "invisible",
unaware of the vast number
of Daughters and Sons who have shared similar experiences.
This is a sad book about the abuse of two daughters by their schizophrenic
mother. These two girls fell through the cracks of life as their mother
wasn't
diagnosed correctly for many, many years. Mental illness has always
interested me -- and if it does you, then you might like this book.
v
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A school bus driver was carrying his usual load of racially
mixed children from school one afternoon. As was the norm,
the typical racial slandering was being tossed back and forth
between the children.
This went on for quite some time, when the poor driver had
finally gotten his fill of it.
"Black Banana Monkey!"
"Cracker!"
"Honky!"
"Porch Trash!"
Then, in a fit of rage, the bus driver screamed out, "Alright
you mouthy bastards! All of you guys, off the bus!" as he
parked the bus roadside.
As the kids filed off the bus, the driver cried, "Every
stinkin' racist-brat, line up against the side of the bus!"
"I am sick and tired of all this bigotry, race hating, name
calling crap! I'll stand for no more of it! From now on,
you are no longer white or black, you are all green in my
eyes! ....Green I say!
No more "matchstick" or "cotton-ball", you're all green!
GREEN, GREEN, GREEN! Do you hear me? GREEN! All of you!
Now, I gotta finish my route and get you all back home, so
get back on the bus, and the dark green ones sits in the back!"
v
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v
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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students
that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about
Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what he or
she had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't
know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny.
"Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup
truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him,
'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
v
v v v v
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an
hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.
Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles
following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she
looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She
screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten
minutes later, she innocently walked out.
The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without
batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I
would make it."
v
v v v v
Click here: Vista Vulnerability
Discovered
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/35OC
On their blog, Microsoft's security team acknowledged that a vulnerability for
four of its operating systems,
including Windows Vista, has been found. Proof of concept code was publicly
released on the Internet that
demonstrates it's possible to take advantage of a security flaw in the Client-Server
Runtime Subsystem, which launches
and closes applications. The vulernability gives an attacker the possibility
of installing a rootkit on the computer,
but the risk is considered "less critical" by the security vendor Secunia since
the attacker must first
gain access to the computer another way. Read
more about the vulnerability.
v
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Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced,
but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it.
Any suggestions?
Sam
Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.
v
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After forty years of marriage, Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein came
to a stand still in their
love life. Each night Frankenstein would come home from work, eat his dinner,
and sit in front of the
television set until he fell asleep. Dissatisfied with this arrangement, the
Bride decided to see a therapist.
"He's never in the mood," complained the Bride.
"Try a romantic candlelight dinner," suggested the therapist.
The next day, the Bride returned to the therapist with
a frown on her face. "He's still not in the mood," she complained.
"This time," the therapist recommended, "Try something more seductive.
Put on some sexy
lingerie and lure him into the bedroom."
But the Bride returned to the therapist the following day complaining that her
monster of a husband was
still not in the mood. As a final piece of advice, the therapist said, "You
should try to recreate
the moment that first sparked your romance."
The next day the Bride returned with a huge grin on her face. "Thank you so
much," she said to the therapist.
"Last night, I forced Frankenstein to come outside in the middle of the
lightening storm. And right there, in our
backyard, he made love to me like it was our very first time."
"Making love in a lightening storm put him in the mood?" asked the therapist.
"Well," said the Bride of Frankenstein, "I tied a kite to his penis."
v
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HEALTHIER
EATING TIDBITS:
* Keep a bowl of cut-up vegetables on the top shelf of
the refrigerator. (Use the salad bar to buy cut-up
fruits/vegetables if you're in a hurry).
* Increase portions when you serve vegetables and fruits.
Season them the low-fat way with herbs, spices, and lemon
juice. If sauce is used, choose a nonfat or low-fat sauce.
* Choose fruit for dessert. For a special dessert, try a
fruit parfait with low-fat yogurt or sherbet topped with berries.
* Choose whole grain varieties of bread, muffins, bagels
and rolls (whole wheat, bran, oatmeal, multigrain).
* Use nonfat or lower fat spreads, such as jelly or jam,
fruit spread, apple butter, nonfat or reduced-calorie
mayonnaise, nonfat margarine, or mustard.
* Try small amounts of these low-fat treats: fig bars,
vanilla wafers, ginger snaps, angel food cake, jelly
beans, gum drops, hard candy, puddings made with
low-fat (1 percent) skim milk, nonfat frozen yogurt
with a fruit topping, or fruit popsicles. Try pretzels
or popcorn without butter or oil for an unsweetened treat.
v
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A hospital corpsman and I were getting an elderly retired master chief petty
officer out of his wheelchair, when
I noticed the man had a tattoo on his knee. "What's that?" I asked, unable to
make out the design.
"It's a banjo," he said sheepishly. "I'm from Alabama."
v
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Duct tape is like 'the force.'
It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
v
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The only reason Washington is the nation's capital is that Boston was too far
north, Philadelphia didn't
want New York. New York didn't want Philadelphia, and nobody had yet heard of
Las Vegas.
v
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click here: America
http://sagebrushpatriot.com/america.htm
John Wayne speaks about America
there are several organizations which accept monetary donations in order to
provide financial and other assistance to needy servicemembers:
The Air Force Aid Society provides
emergency financial assistance to members of the United States Air Force.
The Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society
provides emergency financial assistance to members of the United States Navy
and the Marine Corps.
The Coast Guard Foundation
provides assistance to Coast Guard men and women.
The Armed Forces Retirement Home
provides a place to live for needy retired members of the United States Military.
The National Military Family Association
is the the only national organization dedicated to identifying and resolving
issues of concern to military families.
The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors,
Inc. (TAPS ) is a national non-profit organization made up of, and
providing services to, all those who have lost a loved one while serving in
the Armed Forces.
Fisher House is a private
nonprofit organization, that supports America's military in their time of need.
Because members
of the military and their families are stationed worldwide and must often travel
great distances for specialized medical care,
Fisher House Foundation donates "comfort homes," built on the grounds of major
military and VA medical centers. These homes
enable family members to be close to a loved one at the most stressful times
- during the
hospitalization for an unexpected illness, disease, or injury.
v
v v v v
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a
call from an individual who asked what
hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24
hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
v
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I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich.
I handed it to the girl and she
looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free".
"They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free".
She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk
among us and many work retail.
v
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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt
if she
gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
v
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Click here: Debsnewsletter
- Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
v
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Jason's beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape,
but he refused to get rid of it.
So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot,
his family was delighted. Nonetheless,
they called the police and filed an insurance claim.
Their relief was short-lived,
within an hour an officer was on the phone.
"We found the car less than a mile away," he said,
trying to restrain himself.
"It had a note on it that read,
'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"
v
v v v v
SPICED BEEF
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
6 pound piece of brisket, sirloin tip or eye of round
3 bay leaves. finely chopped
1 teaspoon powdered mace
6 finely ground cloves
1 teaspoon crushed black peppercorns
1 large garlic clove made into a paste with salt
1 teaspoon allspice
2 tablespoons molasses
2 heaping tablespoons brown sugar
1 pound cooking salt
2 teaspoons saltpetre
DIRECTIONS:
Mix all spices and flavorings together. Place beef in a large dish and rub well
all over mixture. Refrigerate
in a covered bowl. Repeat this process every day for a week, turning the meat
and rubbing in the spices
which will now be mixed with the juices drawn from the meat. Tie the meat up
firmly and rub a final
teaspoon of ground cloves. Cover with water and simmer slowly for 6 hours. When
cool enough to handle remove
from the cooking liquid, place in a dish and cover with a weighted plate. Slice
very thinly and serve.
v
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Windows
XP and Windows XP SP1: Reinstall or repair Windows XP
To repair or reinstall Internet Explorer and Outlook Express in Windows XP,
complete the following procedure
while you are logged on as an administrator:
1. Use the System File Checker tool to scan all of the protected
files on your computer: a. Click Start, and then click Run.
b. In the Open box, type sfc /scannow, and then click OK.
Note that you may be prompted for the Windows XP or Windows XP Service Pack
1 installation media.
2. Test to determine if the issue is resolved. If the issue is
resolved, skip the remaining
steps. If the issue is not resolved, continue to the next step.
3. Complete an in-place upgrade of Windows XP, a repair of Windows
XP, or reinstall Windows XP. For additional information
about how to complete an in-place upgrade or repair of Windows XP, click the
following article number to view the article
in the Microsoft Knowledge Base: 315341
(http://support.microsoft.com/kb/315341/) How to
perform an in-place upgrade (reinstallation) of Windows XP
4. To reinstall Windows XP updates, visit the following Microsoft
Windows Update Web site:
http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com/
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
djbem22@excite.com
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
a venison steak. But all of Bubba's
neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating
meat on Friday. The delicious aroma
from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic
faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study,
Bubba attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said,
"You were born a Baptist,
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the
wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled
the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and as
he rushed into Bubba's yard clutching a rosary
preparing to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There
stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy
water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You
wuz born a deer,
you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
New
Rules - George Carlin
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a
reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't
particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the
football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was
found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What
did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for
these kids! Lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols.
If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle
of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste.
Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored
water? Pour some Jack Daniels over ice and let it melt. That's your
flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a
redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top
is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it,
his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved
the Social Security crisis.!
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass
hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra
dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," oh, you're a
huge ass hole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my
card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount,
deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the
kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my
Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport; It's one of the seven deadly
sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating,
because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned
exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already
doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on
making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to
give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on
the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television
show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule:No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you
isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just
had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be
there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web
cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.
And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that
pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or
tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future
round saying" Do you want fries with that?"
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The
Top 8 Responses to "What's Up?"
8> That question is guaranteed to get the relief guy's ass kicked
on the International Space Station.
7> Off to pick out a casket. Y'know, just in case.
6> An end. But word has it you've no idea which one.
5> Heh, heh, heh... thanks, Cialis!
4> My lu-uh-UH-OOOOOOOORLF!! Ah. Er, sorry. "My lunch."
3> Well, Great-Aunt Maud is getting that nipple pierced and
tattooed... wanna help pick out the design?
2> My parole. Where do you live, again?
and the Number 1 Response to "What's
Up?"...
1> Well, grammatically speaking, it's a preposition I'm about to
utter in combination with the pronoun "yours".
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Click
here: Science & Technology at Scientific American.com: Google takes aim
at fast e-mail for cell phones
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa001&articleID=B282D1735283E8EEA45BCE393CEFE265
Google Inc. <GOOG.O> aims to close the gap between the classic way people
get e-mail -- sitting at a computer --
and the slow-as-molasses reality of receiving e-mail on cell phones, the company
said on Thursday.The Web search
leader is introducing a custom version of its Gmail e-mail service that can
run on any phone with Java software, or
close to 300 different mobile phone devices."Because it is an application and
not running through a browser ... it looks
and feels like Gmail on the desktop," said Tony Hsieh, product manager for the
Gmail on mobile service.
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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The
Top 7 Rejected "Grey's Anatomy" Spinoffs
7> Gimme a Trache!
6> Chicago Grope
5> Grey's Anatomy: Overwrought Dramedy Unit
4> Lost: Your Chart
3> Queer Eye for That Burke Jerk
2> My Mother the Defibrillator: The Reincarnation of Ellis Gray
and the Number 1 Rejected "Grey's Anatomy" Spinoff...
1> Desperate Housecalls
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
A woman had a beautiful black cat with white feet named
Socks. Socks spent his days outside and came indoors only at
Night. One cool October evening, he disappeared.
She searched for him high and low for several days, but all
in vain. The following spring, however, Socks reappeared,
looking healthy and clean. She figured he'd just been out
sowing his wild oats, and let it go at that.
Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Socks
once again disappeared. The next spring, just as the prior
year, he returned. When it happened for the third year in a
row, she became very perplexed and decided to investigate.
She started by asking her neighbors to see what, if any,
information they might have.
She was down to the last house on the block, the home of an
older couple. If they didn't have the answer, she wasn't
sure where she would turn. So she went up and knocked on the
door. The lady of the house answered, and she asked her, "By
any chance, have you ever seen a black cat with four white
feet around here?"
"A black cat?" the woman said. "With four white feet? Oh my,
yes! He's the sweetest thing. My husband and I kept seeing
him outside every fall. We hated it that the poor thing had
to be out in the cold, so we decided that when we go south
for the winter, we'd take him with us. He's been going to
Florida with us every winter for the last few years."
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Top
10: Vineyard Vacations
Merlot or cabernet? Pinot grigio or chardonnay? No need to choose! Sample them
all during a getaway to our favorite wine regions.
1.
Napa
Valley, Calif.
2.
Tuscany,
Italy
3.
Bordeaux,
France
4.
Santiago,
Chile
5.
Sonoma,
Calif.
6.
Burgundy,
France
7.
La
Rioja, Spain
8.
Hunter
Valley, Australia
9.
Champagne-Ardenne,
France
10.
Constantia,
South Africa
Click
here: Pictures of Winter in Yellowstone. Yellowstone is more than Old Faithful
– It is Snowmobiling, Cross Country Skiin
http://adventuretravel.about.com/od/extremesnowsports/ig/Winter-in-Yellowstone/index.htm
It has Snowmobiling, Cross Country Skiing and Animal Watching Too
During the winter in Yellowstone you can snowmobile or cross country ski past
steamy clouds drifting from hot
springs, geysers and fumaroles. At dawn, you'll watch the horizon turn blazing
yellow as the sun rises and a golden
tint reveals the dark-green pines that punctuate snow-clad mountains. Then,
you'll look through a spotting telescope
scope at two wolf pups playing while the alpha male lopes past bison shoving
their massive heads through the snow
to reach the rye grass below. Welcome to Yellowstone in the winter. Winter
is gone but consider
this next time you want to experience a winter vacation
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.
Last night she used me To time an egg.
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SOUTHWEST CHEESECAKE APPETIZER
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup finely crushed tortilla chips
3 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted
2 packages (8 ounces ea) cream cheese, softened
1 packet taco seasoning
2 eggs
1 package shredded Colby/Montery Jack cheese
1 can (4 ounce) chopped green chilies, drained
1 cup sour cream
1 cup chopped bell pepper
1/2 cup sliced green onion
1/3 cup chopped tomatoes
1/4 cup pitted ripe olive slices
DIRECTIONS
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Stir in chips and butter in
small bowl; press into 9-inch spring form pan. Bake
15 minutes. Beat cream cheese and eggs in large mixing
bowl at medium speed until well blended. Mix in shredded
cheese and chilies; pour over crust and bake 30 minutes.
Spread sour cream over cheesecake. Loosen cake from rim
of pan; cool before removing rim of pan. Refrigerate
until ready to serve at least 30 minutes. Top with
remaining ingredients just before serving.
TIP: you can also add 1/2 packet of taco seasoning with
the cheese and chilies if you want a bit more spice.
Yield: 16-20 servings
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"Isn't it good, Norwegian Wood?"
Man, those Scandinavian guys get the good
looks *and* all the great pick-up lines.
(Brad
Simanek)
While an apple a day is supposed to keep
the doctor away, I've found this is only
true if you eat it. Cram it up your
rectum and you're pretty much ER-bound.
(Brad Wilkerson)
Imagine my horror when I discovered that the whole
movie was basically an endless series of people dying
or already dead, their faces locked in expressions
of horror and terror. So I double-checked the box
and, sure enough, it wasn't "FECES of Death," it
was "FACES of Death." But who in the world would
want to watch "Faces of Death"? That's just sick!
(Clynch Varnadore)
When I have intercourse, I can't help but imagine
the American Idol judges critiquing my performance,
although Randy's "Yo, Dawg, you did your thing,
that's cool" and Paula's "You made the missionary
position your own" do not outweigh Simon's "Like
a bag of cats pummelled with a sledgehammer."
(Jim Rosenberg)
I say, "to-may-to." You say "to-mah-to."
I say, "comfortable in expressing my sexuality."
You say, "I can't believe you stuck your
dong in the ham salad at the Carlisles'
Fourth of July picnic, you sick freak."
Allen
Lindsey
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Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a sexy negligee.
The only trouble was, she was coming home.
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Who's working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work! For state and
city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, Sitting on your ass,
at your computer, reading jokes!
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*submitted by*
WMBAAS
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably
never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly
steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe
and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in
my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well,
my "time of the month" is starting right now.
As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust
and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body
amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly
happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo".
Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping
we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and
out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time
for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought
the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy
was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which
brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the
throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body
and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there,
printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
Period." Are you fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain
really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness -
is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself
up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting
rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have
to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down
the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just
picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits,
for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere.And though
I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute
miss your brand of condescending bullshit.
And that's a promise I will keep... Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
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Click here: Free Public Domain Music - Welcome
to Musopen.com
http://www.musopen.com/
If you love music or even better, free music, I have a wonderful link for you
today. As we know, in recent years,
a lot of controversy has been created due to music sharing. Most of the artists
are against this and the RIAA
(Recording Industry Association of America) has created quite a ruckus by prosecuting
people who are downloading
music illegally from the Internet and sharing it with others. In such times,
it seems impossible to think that someone
could be sharing free music online in a legal way, right? Well, today it is
possible. Musopen is one Web site to thank
for that. The goal of the Web site is to share the music that is available to
the public, free of cost.So, how are
these people able to share music for free? It's quite simple really. They share
music that has no copyrights or
music that is freely available in the public domain. Now, don’t expect to find
your favorite Garth Brooks song there,
because the kind of music they have uploaded on Musopen is mainly in the classical
genre. Think more Beethoven than
Britney Spears. Since the music is so old and no one holds the copyrights anymore,
it's yours for the taking.
The interface is rather simple. You can either browse the entire collection
to see if your favorite pieces of music are
there or if you are new to classical music, you can click on "Random music"
to do some browsing. The music
is categorized according to composer, style, period, instrument and performer
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*submitted by*
WMBAAS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair
and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string,
I think.
Why did God give you Your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on
beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between Moms and Dads?
1 . Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power
'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic
surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did
it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her
head.
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Click here:
What Would I Do Without You? - A Romance ecard from Dobhran's Greetings
http://www.ecardsaddict.com/scripts/tg/out.cgi?id=dobhran3
Click here:
Romantic Love Bath Invitation Card FreeLoveGreetings.com Romantic Cards
http://www.ecardsaddict.com/scripts/tg/out.cgi?id=dance
Click here:
I Miss You - My Love Wish For You (I)
http://www.ecardsaddict.com/scripts/tg/out.cgi?id=afcards2
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Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir,
I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide
it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine
from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Cleaning
The Roseanne Way!
Dirt:
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5
and leave it alone.
Cobwebs:
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"
Guests:
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room
and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the d oor knob vigorously, fake a growl, and say, "I'd love you
to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO
expensive."
Dusting:
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter
her ashes."
Painting:
Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with
an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say,
"Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...I haven't
had the heart to clean it..."
General Cleaning:
Mix one-quart cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cup soft
water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto
the couch, and
sigh: "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."
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Runtime
Error
What
is a runtime error and what is its purpose?
Well, it's probably no surprise that everyone reading this has probably come
across a runtime error sometime in their computer
using lives. Runtime errors are common, but what are they? Here's a little description
for you.
Basically,
it is an error that occurs during the execution of a program. Runtime errors
go along with the "bug" errors that you may
sometimes see as well. The error tells you that your system has found certain
bugs in the program you are using. The error
also indicates some problems that the creators of the program anticipated on,
but couldn't fix.
There
are various runtime error numbers, each referring to a different problem and
they can occur in various programs,
including Outlook Express and Internet Explorer. If you are hit with a runtime
error, look at the assigned number and do a
Web search on it. Chances are, you will find a quick fix. Here is an example
of one runtime error that could come up.
A
common example of a runtime error is running out of memory. This could easily
cause the error to show up on your computer.
Runtime errors are fairly easy to recover from and they are nothing like a system
crash
So,
the next time your computer is invaded by a runtime error, you'll know what's
going on
and you'll know how you can go about fixing it fast!
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I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's When you put
a bag
over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
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*submitted by*
WMBAAS
A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the
game the guys notice that the girl
knows just as much about the game as they do, and they're really impressed.
After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about baseball?"
She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."
The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most
painful
part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"Was it when they cut off your balls?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"What was the most painful part?"
"The part that hurt the most was when they... cut my salary in half!"
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The
Top 16 Worst Names for Strip Clubs
(Part
I)
16> Droopy's
15> Shorty Johnson's Fool and His Money Club
14> U-Brazilian-It
13> Tia's Taco Shack
12> Harry's Clambake
11> Reverend Ted Haggard's House of Ass-solution
10> Les Bleu Ballz
9> Stretch & Mark's
8> They're All Fake, Not That You Care
7> Ed Asner's Full Monty Club
6> Skanx
5> Queen Victoria's House of Modesty
4> Moulin Spouge
3> Granny's Kameltoe Kitchen
2> Justexpensit!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Worst Names for a Strip Club...
1> Teasy McDryhump's
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click here: ~*~
Precious Friends ~*~
http://asandboxgreeting.com/twoheartsthatcare.html
2. Click here:
Peekin' In On You
http://asandboxgreeting.com/peekininonyou.html
Click here: ~*~ Thinking
Of You ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/thinkingofyouyc.html
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The doctor told my husband, Paul, to use his right arm as much as possible.
Paul had broken five ribs and his
shoulder blade, and had chipped his elbow, all on his right side, in a hang-gliding
accident.
One afternoon I had just placed a sandwich, made with my fresh homemade bread,
in front of Paul when my brother
Alan dropped by. Paul picked the sandwich up with his right hand and tried
to raise it to his mouth. He managed to get
it halfway before he had to lower it. He took a deep breath and tried
again, but with the same result. The third time he
used his left hand to support his right and finally managed to raise it to his
mouth.
"Would you like a sandwich too?" I asked Alan.
"No, thanks," he answered. "That bread looks too heavy for me."
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As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns.
One day at the supermarket,
just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid
pouring out of the back of the car.
I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action.
When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the
worst, I braced
myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It’s apple
juice," he said.
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Here in the United States, an epidemic has left millions
unable to do much more than sit on the couch, eat chips
and drink beer. In other words, the NCAA college basketball
tournament, A.K.A. March Madness, is in full swing.
The
Top 15 Things Overheard During March Madness
15> "We're not supposed to call it that anymore; now it's
March Mental Illness."
14> "Who can I hate now that Duke and Bobby Knight are both out?"
13> "These girls' games are pretty good. Too bad there's no
women's pro basketball league they could play in."
12> "Who would ever have imagined the phrase 'I'm a Winthrop alum'
could get me laid?"
11> "Get back to work? But sir, it's March!"
10> "Your water broke? I'll get you another glass at the next time out."
9> "Why don't they ever pass it to the white guy?"
8> "Why don't you come back to my place and experience a little
#1-seeding yourself?"
7> "I'm sorry, I thought VCU was a social disease."
6> "I swear, if one more person says, 'We don't need no stinkin'
Wisconsin Badgers,' I'm gonna turn into a $7-beer-hurlin'
FREAK!!"
5> "Tickets start at $125, beer is $7 a cup and hot dogs are $4.
This is amateur athletics at its finest!"
4> "Check out the Gonzagas on that one!"
3> "There's nothing like working 60+ hours on your brackets and
then giving your hard-earned money to Bernice in Accounts
Payable who made her picks based on numerology."
2> "My team? Overrated.
My first-round loss? Unprecedented.
My bet-paying card? American Express."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard During March Madness...
1> "Men, I guess I should've explained: Just because we're a
'Cinderella team' doesn't mean we show up in formal gowns
and glass slippers."
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How do babies get their belly buttons?
When God finishes making little babies, He lines them all up in a row. Then
he walks along in front of them.
He pokes each one in the tummy with his finger and says,
“You’re done...you’re done... you’re done...”
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Selecting
Clutch and Flywheel
lifetips.com
When it comes time to replace your clutch, you are going to be faced with an
important decision.
Which combination of Clutch and Flywheel is best for your driving style?
You choose wrong (or is it wrongly?), and you could end up very disappointed
at crunch time. To keep you
from disappointment, here are a few clutch tips that will help you come through
in the clutch with the right decision.
- Lightweight flywheels are used in most 2WD applications such as street, circle
track and drag racing (factory
Toyota flywheels range in weight between 22 and 24 pounds). A lighter flywheel
carries less reciprocating weight,
which in turn, allows a driver to raise engine RPM's more rapidly and shift
through the gears more quickly.
- Heavy or High-Torque flywheels are recommended on 4WD applications such as
street, off-road
racing, and handling rocky terrain. A heavy flywheel has a greater inertia bank
and allows the engine to
stay within its torque range, making it the best choice for vehicles with large
tires and tall gears.
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
I had moved to South Carolina from New York, and at that time a vehicle
inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous; my car was in
rough shape. I thought of New York State's rigorous inspections. Any
number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove
down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When
I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the
lights and honked the horn. Then he attached a new sticker and asked me
for the three-dollar fee. I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do?" I
asked. He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you?"
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PARTY TIME BROCCOLI
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
2 pkg. (10 oz.) frozen chopped broccoli
1/2 cup melted butter or margarine
1/2 pkg. (3 oz.) dehydrated onion soup mix
1 cup chopped pecans
1 can (8 oz.) water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1/4 cup seasoned dry bread crumbs
DIRECTIONS:
Defrost and drain broccoli. Mix butter, soup mix, pecans
and water chestnuts. Stir gently through broccoli. Pour
into 2 quart microwave casserole. Cook for 4-10 minutes on
High power (100%) until very hot. Sprinkle with crumbs
before serving.
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A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece
was being issued to honor two great American
patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt and on the other
side, Nathan Hale.
Asked by the reporter why two people were going to be on the same coin, the
official replied, 'We selected these
two men to make life simpler for the vast majority of Americans.
The reporter then asked, 'How can this make life simpler for Americans?'
The official responded, 'Well, now, when they toss a coin they can simply call,
'Ted's or Hale's.'
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v
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*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead.com
Being rather bald, I comfort myself on a visit to the
hairdresser with the opening gambit. "Grass doesn't
grow on a busy street."
However, I was not prepared for the joke of one
barber: "We always say there's no sense in putting a
roof on an empty barn."
JL responded back with the following about it:
When some bald guy told me that grass didn't grow on
a busy street, I replied "Yeah and it doesn't grow on
a concrete sidewalk either !!!"
I have a bald friend who has a sign above his desk
that reads, " Its not a bald spot, its a Solar Panel
charging a Sex Machine."
I told him it didn't think it was the kind of machine
that depended on Solar Power. I thought it was
probably hand-started most of the time.
v
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Click here: WorldStart
Wallpaper
http://www.worldstart.com/wallpaper/index.php
Beautiful winter wallpaper from worldstart!
Click here: My WiFi Zone
- WorldStart Computer Tips and Computer Help
http://www.worldstart.com/tips/tips.php/2064
My WiFi Zone: This is a must have program for anyone running a wireless
network, especially if you
live in a highly populated area. This little guy is like a watchdog for your
wireless connection. It can help you
determine things like: is someone trying to piggyback
your wireless connection? You can easily see who’s
on your network, who has been on your network and who has been attempting to
get on. It’s easy to use and a great
way for any novice to the world of wireless networks to get their feet wet,
in regards to wireless security. Check it out here.
Click here: Process Library
Quick Access Info Bar - WorldStart Computer Tips and Computer Help
Process Link Library: This, in my opinion, is one of the best free programs
on the Web period. With this program,
you can easily decipher the cryptic nature of determining what processes in
your Task Manager are responsible for.
This can become an invaluable tool to anyone troubleshooting sluggish
systems or application conflicts. See it here.
Click here: Disk View
- WorldStart Computer Tips and Computer Help
http://www.worldstart.com/tips/tips.php/2511
Disk View: This program should be sitting right next to the Process Link
Library in your utilities folder on your
PC (I know you all have one). The reason you should have this program is simple.
It will quickly and easily
show you what sections of your hard drive are being occupied by what programs,
services, data, etc. In short, it will show
you what occupies every bit of space on your system’s hard drive graphically.
This will unravel the mystery of your
hard drive and give you a better understanding of how things are set up. View
it here.
Click here: AM Notebook
- WorldStart Computer Tips and Computer Help
http://www.worldstart.com/tips/tips.php/2640
AM Notebook: I honestly use this program all the time. it’s like a scratch
pad for your desktop. The program
allows you to quickly take notes, make tables, organize data and a lot more.
The program is small and out
of the way, but yet, does not lack in the feature department. So, forget about
firing up that big, clunky MS Word
just to jot down some notes and don’t even think about using Windows Notepad,
the lackluster wonder-dud.
With AM Notebook, you may not even need sticky notes anymore. See it here.
Click here: The GodFather
- WorldStart Computer Tips and Computer Help
http://www.worldstart.com/tips/tips.php/2209
The GodFather: Last, but definitely not least, is The GodFather. This
is an audio management program and it’s
about as robust a one as you're going to find. So, if you are like me and have
thousands of audio files on your
PC, this is a must have. With The GodFather managing your audio files, you will
have complete control with unbelievable
flexibility of every audio file on your system. With The GodFather, you will
be a made man/woman and rule over all your
audio files with an iron fist. Just try to remember the little people on your
way to the top! Check it out here.
v
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OLD
BUT GOLD!
*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first
row with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers
something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at
Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The
agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of
the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells
him the fans w ould love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly, baby."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of
her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!".
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down,
cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to
the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never
believed how much everyone would enjoy that !"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first Pitch."
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Click here: Top 10 2007 Albums
to Watch For
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BNZ
2007's best albums are still in the recording and/or production stages. The
beginning of the year is the time to pull
out the crystal ball and try to see what is coming our way. These are 10 of
the
most anticipated pop albums for the year 2007.
Click here: Top 20 Most Anticipated
Country Albums of 2007
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BN%5B
When you release your debut CD, and it sells 4 million copies in just over a
year, what do you do for
your sophomore release? Carrie's Some
Hearts is a definite smash, but can she top it? Carrie will
release her follow-up CD in the latter half of 2007.
Click here: 2007 R&B Music
Preview
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BN%5D
Check out who is making what music this year
Click here: New Albums to Covet
In Early 2007 -- New Alt/Indie Albums -- Albums to Anticipate in 2007
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BNb
What is in store for alt/indie rock in 2007? New music. New albums. New bands.
New lists. That's right,
folks. Below is a collection of ten albums you should be excited about in early
2007. Each release, from a band
with a track record for great new music, should be marked on your calender and
anticipated with glee. But don't just run
out and buy these albums -- oh, no -- check back here later and read the reviews
first. If I like them, then surely
then you can rush out and buy them. This new music may end up being the
best of 2007.
Click here: 2006 In Review - 2007
New Year's Resolutions
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BNd
As 2006 comes to a close and 2007 is on the horizon, it's a perfect time to
look back on what God has
taught us over the previous year. New Year's Resolutions are made with promises
to ourselves to do better at certain
things next year. Christian / Gospel artists look back at 2006 and share their
New Year's resolutions for 2007.
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The
Top 17 Signs You're a Victim of IdentityTheft
17> Your mother no longer complains that you never write or call.
16> Every week, boxes of vials and syringes show up at your door
-- and you're neither a doctor nor a professional athlete.
15> All this spam *must* be for some unknown small-penised imposter.
14> Scruffy male prostitutes approach you and you wife in
the church parking lot, talking gibberish about "backdoor
confessionals" and your "meth tab." Of *course* someone
stole your identity -- you're a PREACHER, for God's sake!
13> In spite of a tireless work ethic and a 100% conviction rate,
you're inexplicably fired by Attorney General Gonzales.
12> Suddenly you've got subscriptions to both Ebony and Jet.
(Michael Richards only)
11> Your savings: gone.
Your credit cards: maxed.
Your credit score: 11.
But based their sales records, you're the Customer of
the Year at Robot Babes 'R' Us.
10> "Yeah, that's an awesome moonwalk, but I'm tellin' ya:
Another white lady already came in and cashed the February
royalty check for 'Billie Jean.'"
9> "Take it up with eBay, mister; I'm leaving the goat here."
8> Someone seems to have jeopardized your '08 presidential
chances by stealing your "Senator from New York" ID and
voting to authorize the war on Iraq.
7> Three doctors show up at your house to collect the organs
you promised to donate when you died.
6> Your Amex card disappeared last week, and now your son's
sleepover friend is the only kid in elementary school who
owns a Lamborghini and a condo in Maui.
5> After you make love to your wife, she says she prefers
the other you.
4> A faxed copy of your credit report kills so many trees that
Al Gore comes to your office and slaps you silly.
3> Netflix just shipped you "Slutty Slutty Gang Bang." Either
you're a victim of identity theft or you're about to be a
victim or spousal abuse.
2> "Dear Ms. Hilton, thank you for your recent purchase of
'Rocket Science for Virgins....'"
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Sign
You're a Victim of Identity
Theft...
1> That $400 billion the Pentagon has spent on the war in Iraq
just showed up on your VISA statement.
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*submitted by*
wmcarte@
IF
I DIDN'T HAVE PETS:
.
I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.
.
My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair.
.
When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like the kennels.
.
When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy
bodies who beat me there.
.
I could sit on the couch the way I wanted, without taking into consideration
how much
space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
.
I would not have strange presents under my Christmas tree -- dog bones, stuffed
animals,
nor would I have to answer to people why I wrap them.
.
I would not be on a first-name basis with three veterinarians.
.
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down, come, no,
stay, and leave him/her/it ALONE.
.
My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers.
.
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.
.
I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L-, F-R-I-S-B-E-E, or W-A-L-K.
.
I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
.
I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog ties them down
too much.
.
I'd look forward to spring and the melting of snow instead of dreading mud season.
.
I would not have to answer the question: "Why do you have so many dogs/animals?"
from people who will never have
the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by something
as close to an angel as they will ever get.
.
How empty my life would be.
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Banish
Those Separation Blues!
written
by S. Athanasiou
It’s nice to be missed, but is your little furry one missing you too much
when you leave them alone for a few
hours? Here are two ways to make it easier for your baby while you’re
gone to help lessen separation anxiety !
Take one of your socks — yes, an unwashed one is best! — and fill it with cotton
balls to get it nice and plump.
Seal it up with a needle and thread, and there you have it: a soft, homemade
toy that’s covered in your scent
so your dog can feel like you’re still near. He can even sleep with it and feel
like he’s cuddling with you !
Essential oils are also a wonderful, natural way to calm your canine cutie so
that they stress less. Take
a doggie bandana, (or cut up cotton fabric to make one yourself), and apply
a few drops of pure lavender essential oil,
then put the bandana on your little one before leaving the house. Keep in mind
that only very few
drops are needed since a dog’s sense of smell is so keen.
We know you miss your baby as much as they miss you. These simple tips can make
you both feel better!
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The
Top 10 Things Overheard at a Swingers Party
10> "Take my wife. Please!"
9> "I am so NOT getting into the hot tub after they're done."
8> "Are you going to eat that?"
7> "Ms. Spears, don't you think you should be taking care
of your kids right now?"
6> "And to think, *you* just wanted to have another Tupperware party!"
5> "We're going to take a five minute break so the women can
empty themselves of all the accumulated fluids."
4> "Excuse me, is your seat taken?"
3> "Sodas are in the fridge, beers are in the cooler and
my husband is in the neighbor."
2> "I don't remember your name, but your ass looks familiar."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard at a Swingers Party...
1> "Get down off the chandelier! You're knocking plaster into
the guacamole-Viagra dip!"
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor's office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. Three of them in
particular are the worst. They bark all day and all night, and I can't
get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a
drawer full of sample medications.
"Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these
and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the man answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever.
"Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be, said the doctor, shaking his
head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the man wearily, "but I'm still up all
night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hell getting
him to swallow the pill!"
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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
need more
butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going
to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
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Click
here: Cleaning To-Do Lists | Cleaning : RealSimple.com
http://www.realsimple.com/realsimple/gallery/0,21863,1033650,00.html?nid=8515061101-1552693
Easy gameplans for every day, week, and season
*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the
stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the
crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking
channel and it really works.
Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they
are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep
mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy,
squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy
clean up.
Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store,
whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it
in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same
amount. You also eat less sugar/calories per serving.
Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated,
place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased
moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.
No Weeds With Wet Newspaper
Start putting in your plants AND work nutrients into your soil....
Wet newspapers, putting layers around the plants, overlapping
as you go. Cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds
may get through some gardening plastic but they won't get
through wet newspapers.
Broken Glass
Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken glass pieces of glass.
The fibers catch ones you can't see!
No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes
away.
Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants
with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the
plant and the squirrels won't come near it.
Stolen Kid's Bike?
If you purchase a new bike for your child, place their picture
inside the handle bar before placing the grips on. if the bike
is stolen and later recovered, remove the grip and there is
your proof who owns the bike.
Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will
not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks
that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of
slacks and -voila - static is gone.
Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill
it with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry
the cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter,
and watch how easily it comes right out.
Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in
the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the
eraser! Works better than a cloth!
Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include
something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the
freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It unseals easily.
Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper
than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's
also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but
didn't like when you tried it in your hair...
Good-bye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it
1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing
liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup
and gone forever!
Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it,
take it "home," & can't digest it so it kills them.. It may take a
week or so, esp. if it rains, but it works & you don't have the
worry about pets or small children being harmed!
Keep sand off
Take baby powder to the beach Keep a small bottle of baby
powder in your beach bag. When your ready to leave the
beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the
sand will slide right off your skin.
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A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat.
The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on the
bench in the hall. The man tries to protest, but the nurse doesn't
listen and just repeats the same orders then leaves the area.
The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man
sitting on the bench. The man starts complaining to the man
already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and
doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off.
The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at
the other man and says
"You think that's bad, I'm just here to pay my bill."
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches
would hang themselves.
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, are sitting alone in the
lobby of their nursing home one evening
The old man looks over and says to the old lady, "I know just what you want,
and
for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looks surprised but doesn't say a word
The old man continues, "For $10 I'll do it with you on the nice soft
sofa by the window, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light
some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in
your life."
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of moments, starts
digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 and holds it up
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious." she says, "Four times in the rocker."
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Ten
Easy Vegetables
gophercentral.com
For a relatively easy vegetable garden go for plants that
can be sown directly where they are to be harvested with
little or no thinning.
Cut and come again salad leaves are ideal for this prov-
iding a succession of leaves. Vegetables with large seed,
such as beans are a good choice as they are easy to sow.
Radish are hard to beat for the speed from sowing to har-
vest, but many of the suggested veg can be harvested in
three months from sowing.
Station sowing allows seed that is easy to handle to be
sown at their final spacing, often sowing two or more seed
and thinning to the strongest. Beetroot or lettuce can be
station sown.
If sowing under glass large seed such as pumpkins and
squash or courgettes and marrows are ideal as they can
be sown individually in pots.
Pumpkins, squash
Early potatoes
French beans
Runner beans
Broad beans
Beetroot
Lettuce
Radish
Courgettes and marrows
Garlic, shallots
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A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he
wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife as a surprise.
"What size?" asked the clerk.
The man shrugged blankly.
Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what
are your wife's measurements?"
The man thought for a moment.
"Small, medium, and large. in that order."
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Click here: Myths of First Aid -
Top 10 First Aid Myths - First Aid Mythbusters
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ZeX
What do you do if your best friend is stung by a jellyfish? If you read the
internet, you may think the right idea is to
pee - as in urinate - on the sting.Yuck! Wrong.It's time to dispel some of the
most popular myths in first aid lore. Read
on to see the worst first aid ideas, demystified with the correct response to
each emergency.Click
on the headlines to see the right way to handle each situation.
Click
here: Diet News & Trends: Hot News Story- Red wine molecule helps mice live
longer - AOL Diet & Fitness
http://diets.aol.com/newsandtrends/interim_chrome/_a/red-wine-molecule-helps-mice-live-longer/20061101184509990001
A compound found in red wine and grapes can extend the life span of obese mice
and help
them enjoy a healthier old age, scientists said on Wednesday.
The molecule known as resveratrol not only enabled the mice to live longer than
other overweight
rodents, it also reduced the negative health effects of eating a high-calorie
diet.
Click here: Why Your Daughter Should
Get the HPV Vaccine - Gardasil
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ZeU
It is a common misunderstanding that the HPV vaccine is just a vaccine to prevent
a sexually transmitted disease.
While the human papillomavirus, or HPV for short, is a virus transmitted through
sexual contact like other STD's, it can
lead to cervical cancer, vaginal cancer, vulvar cancer, and genital warts. HPV
is also a
possible risk factor for many other types of cancer.
In June 2006, the FDA approved the use of Gardasil,
an HPV vaccine, in young women ages 9
to 26. It is currently available at many doctor's offices across the U.S.
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*submitted
by*
lg1@tampabay.rr.com
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went Fffff, Fffff,
Fffff... And before he could say "Fuck" the rottweiler ate him!"
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After our air conditioner broke down, we called for
a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned
out he was a high school classmate of my husband's, a
man named Love. He said to ask for him the next time we
had any problems. The following year, when we needed
service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day
off from my job to be there.
After he finished repairing our air conditioner, he left
his work order behind. On it was written my name and the scheduling instructions:
"Wants Love in the afternoon."
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The other day, I came across a new technology called Wibree.
Do you know any information on this? If so, can you fill me in?
worldstart.com
Erin
A:
That's an excellent question. It's crazy how fast things get around in the world
of technology. The same day you
asked this question, our tech support guy, Chad, came over to my office and
was telling me all about Wibree. I thought
it sounded pretty cool, so I decided to do a little research on it. So, it's
perfect that you asked, because now I can
share what I found with all of you! Are you ready? I sure hope so, because let
me tell you, this one is cool!
The main thing going around about Wibree is that it's going to replace Bluetooth.
While that's probably a stretch to say,
Wibree is similar to the Bluetooth technology. Wibree's logo is "world class
multivendor interoperability and security."
Basically, it is the first open technology to offer a connection between mobile
devices (such as cell phones), personal
computers and other small button devices like watches, wireless keyboards, toys
and sports sensors
(basically anything that is powered by cell batteries). Cool, huh?!
Wibree is another radio technology, but its difference is that it uses a lot
less power compared to other radio technologies
out on the market today. This also of course, reduces the costs and it makes
it easier to integrate it with the other devices
I mentioned earlier. Of course, it will also help the markets of the other devices
after they are made to be compatible with Wibree.
Some of the advantages Wibree is going for are ultra low peak power consumption,
low cost and small accessory size, minimal
cost for additions to mobile phones and computers and global and secure multivendor
interoperability, as I said before.
Wibree is working on two different specifications for their technology. One
being dual-mode and the other stand-alone.
The dual-mode is designed to be more of an add on for the Bluetooth utilities.
It is mainly going to be used for cell phones,
multimedia computers and other PCs. The stand-alone functionality is targeted
more at
sports, wellness and human product categories (watches, etc).
Wibree is still in the beginning stages of productivity, but I believe it will
be a big deal in a short while. This is probably
heaven for any technology buffs and for those of you who aren't, who knows,
you may be using your
wristwatch to work on your computer before you know it. Can you even imagine?!
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Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I
had a
brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."
His wife was hurt, but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have
now is far more
valuable. I forgive you."
They embraced and kissed.
On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife
blurted out, "I'm sorry
darling, and I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're
being honest
with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two Years ago I had
a sex change operation;
I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."
The husband froze at the top of his back swing, and then threw a fit! He slammed
the driver into the
ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf
cart over on its side, broke
the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.
He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver!
How could you? I trusted you
with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the
ladies tees!"
Some things are sacred.
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*submitted by*
CHIN3917
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Cake
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Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~
* a laugh a day *
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The
Top 7 Parental Definitions of March Madness
7> Watching your daughter's spring break slide show on MySpace.
6> Agreeing to sew 195 band uniforms when the former costume head
quit as the result of a nervous breakdown two weeks before the
spring show.
5> Taking until March to pay off the credit cards for Christmas.
4> Being snowbound during the PBS Best of Teletubbies marathon.
3> Three kids doing the Disney World Chant, while you struggle as
a single parent on a bookkeeper's salary.
2> "What do you mean you need an authentic shillelagh for
show-and-tell tomorrow morning? It's 9:30 p.m.!!"
and the Number 1 Parental Definition of March Madness...
1> Counting the days until the kids' summer vacation, and
recoiling in shock at how few there are.
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*submitted by*
WaltWiso
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of
church services when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the burglar robbing her home of its valuables and she
yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38! (" Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus
Christ so that your sins may be forgiven").
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police
and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,
"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a Scripture to
you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
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Click
here: Is He Into You Quiz
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=dating&cdn=people&tm=7&gps=88_151_1193_850&
f=00&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//dating.about.com/od/justforthegals/a/IntoQuiz.htm
Are you wondering if he's really into you or if he's just not that into you?
After completing this quiz
you'll have
a much better idea whether he really loves you or doesn't plan to ultimately
make a commitment.
Click
here: Books for Women
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=dating&cdn=people&tm=7&gps=104_255_1193_850&f=
00&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//dating.about.com/od/justforthegals/tp/FemBooks.htm
Looking for the best in relationship books for women? Check out this top ten
list of the
best relationship books around targeted toward women?
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The
Top 16 Signs a Bartender's Gone Crazy
16> Serves drinks on actual rocks, with actual umbrellas.
15> He keeps putting cherry-and-pineapple spears in the draught
beer to "fancy it up."
14> His "cocktail shaker" has a bendy straw and pictures of Cookie
Monster on it.
13> She used to use the gun behind the bar for protection. Now she
uses it to kill anyone who orders a drink with more than
two ingredients.
12> Doesn't *ask* if you want fries with that, she just drops a
couple right in your drink.
11> Swirls each shot in her mouth "just to warm it up a bit."
10> While preparing your martini, he puts the shaker down his
pants and does the Macarena.
9> When you start complaining about your life, he leans in and
says "Tell me more!"
8> The Bloody Mary you ordered is starting to clot.
7> She repeatedly tries to "win the screaming contest" with the
blender.
6> "You Marines just back from Iraq? Pink Squirrels on the house!!!"
5> She's invented her own drink and calls it the Sex in a Port-o-Can.
4> You order a Slippery Nipple and a Blowjob, he grabs the canola
oil and kneepads.
3> Next to the pretzel and peanut snack bowls? Communion wafers.
2> Free drinks to anyone who can accurately describe Buddy
Hackett's genitalia.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign a Bartender's Gone Crazy...
1> He's replaced his glass eye with a green olive.
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Click here: Yoga for Back Pain
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ZR7
If you have a back problem, it's best to get an okay from your doctor before
trying yoga. Back pain is often
the result of a biomechanical imbalance in spinal structures. Your doctor can
advise you of:
any movements to avoid the most productive level of challenge safety modifications.
effects of interaction
between your meds and exercise
Books For Men
Click here: Beyond Anger - About.com
http://erclk.about.com/?zi=17/cy4
"Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger
and Get More Out of Life" by Thomas Harbin
is an invaluable guide for men who are looking for positive ways to get a grip
on out of control anger.
Men Fake Foreplay - About.com
http://erclk.about.com/?zi=17/cy5
"Men Fake Foreplay ... And Other Lies That Are True" by comedian Mike Dugan
is an insightful look at the influences
that shape a man's character. Easy, funny, and makes some good points along
the way.
The Bastard On The Couch - About.com
http://erclk.about.com/?zi=17/cy6
"The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings
About Love, Loss, Fatherhood,
and Freedom" by Daniel Jones is the follow-up to "The Bitch in the House" by
Cathi Hanauer. Husbands
and fathers share thoughts on fathering, marriage, sex, and conflict.
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When I was a 20-something college student, I became
quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man
who had returned to school to finish his degree. He
confessed that he once had thought more than a friendship
might be possible.
"What changed your mind?" I asked him.
"I went to my doctor and asked him if a 40-year age
difference between a man and a woman was insurmountable."
"He looked at my chart and asked, 'You're interested in
someone who's 104?'"
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An exhibitionist had booked an a flight from New York to
London on British Air.
At the departure lounge, the man stood nervously near the
boarding gate, waiting for the flight to be called. When
the PA announcement was finally made, he walked briskly
up the jetway.
At the end of the jetway stood a stewardess, collecting tickets.
When it was his turn to hand over his ticket, he opened his coat
and exposed himself.
With typical British reserve the stewardess said, "I'm sorry
sir, but you must to show your ticket and boarding pass here,
not your stub."
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Happy
Birthday Dear
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/797.html
Here
For Mechanics
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/798.html
Here
Please Disguise
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/799.html
Here
That's Unusual
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/213.html
Here
Say No!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/214.html
Here
Big Problem
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/211.html
Here
He Likes You
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/212.html
Here
The Real Reason
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/800.html
Here
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied,
with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep
on rockin'
it's
a state of mind
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©1999
- 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and
Rollin'
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