Editor:  DebsSweet
Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet
 





O M G


American designers and department stores are coming under fire for selling mislabeled fur. In some cases, the coats
advertised or labeled "faux fur" or "raccoon" are actually made from racoon dog fur. Intense media attention and public
outcry has caused the entire fur issue to be reexamined.  DISGUSTING!! -
check out the latest developments at COP section below

Do you have a Johnny Rocket restaurant close by?  I have a coupon for a FREE veggie burger!  Surf down to
the RECIPE section for the link to the site! 

NOTICE PLEASE!!

A major manufacturer of dog and cat food sold under Wal-Mart, Safeway, Kroger and other store brands recalled 60 million
containers of wet pet food Friday after reports of kidney failure and deaths. Find out the details
in the PET section right away!
Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't  forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 







"You are the best!"
Cbrjd1



v v v v v



The Top 10 Parental Theme Parks


10> Liquor Island

9> Poker World

8> Planet Go-Ask-Mom

7> Disposable Income Emporium

6> The One-Size-Fits-for-Five-Years-ateria

5> Clean Floor City

4> Rational Discourse-a-Rama

3> The iPod Graveyard

2> Circus Cinemaximus


   and the Number 1 Parental Theme Park...


1> Six Flags Over Eight Hours of Uninterrupted Sleep



v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"

"Yes," he says."I was in Vietnam for three years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment"
and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, "Yes 100%...a  mortar round exploded near me and blew my
testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours
are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M."

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours
we stand around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that."



v v v v v






Click here: Pet deaths prompt recall of pet food - Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070316/ap_on_bi_ge/pet_food_recall
A major manufacturer of dog and cat food sold under Wal-Mart, Safeway, Kroger and other store brands recalled
60 million containers of wet pet food Friday after reports of kidney failure and deaths.
An unknown number of cats and dogs suffered kidney failure and about 10 died after eating the affected pet food,
Menu Foods said in announcing the North American recall. Product testing has not revealed a link explaining
the reported cases of illness and death, the company said."At this juncture, we're not 100 percent sure what's happened,"
said Paul Henderson, the company's president and chief executive officer. However, the recalled products were made using
wheat gluten purchased from a new supplier, since dropped for another source, spokeswoman
Sarah Tuite said. Wheat gluten is a source of protein.


Covering the Coat

Dogs basically have two types of coats. Here are the defining differences.

*    Most dogs have a double coat (also referred to as a two-ply coat) that has a top coat and an undercoat. The
     top coat is composed of stiffer guard hairs, which tend to be naturally water-repellant. Top coats protect the
     dog's skin and undercoat, acting as a natural guard against the elements. The undercoat is a fleecy or
     downy type of fur that's a bit shorter than the top coat. The undercoat serves as insulation to keep the
     dog warm during cold or inhospitable weather. The dog sheds (or blows out) the undercoat twice a year -- it's
     a seasonal thing.

*    Some dogs have a single coat, in which only a top coat is present without an undercoat, often making dogs with
     this kind of coat shed less than their double-coated counterparts.

You can tell what kind of coat your dog has in two ways. The first way is easy: Read the American Kennel Club (AKC) breed
standard for your breed and look under the coat listing. The second way is to part the hairs on your dog's coat to find out
whether it's a longer, harsh coat combined with soft, downy fur. If so, your dog has a double coat. If the hair is more or less
even and doesn't have an undercoat, then your dog has a single coat.

To take care of your buddy in the best way, rely on the expert
advice in Dog Grooming For Dummies
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0471773905.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Margaret Bonham.



v v v v v



"The Last Tomb of Jesus", a
Discovery Channel documentary produced by
director James Cameron, purported to show
the caskets of Jesus's family, including
one suggesting that Jesus had a son.


      The Top 8 Things Found by James Cameron in Jesus' Tomb


8> Jesus' alarm clock.

7> Doggie bag from the Last Supper.

6> Three "I Owe You 10 Silvers" stubs from Judas.

5> Thank-you note from Dick Clark for the 2,000 extra years of life.

4> Proof that Jesus' last words were not "It is finished" but
    a much more prophetic "I'll be back."

3> The actual resting place of Ulysses S. Grant, ending decades
    of idle speculation.

2> Phil Keoghan letting him know that he's the last team to arrive.


and the Number 1 Thing Found by
                  James Cameron in Jesus' Tomb...


1> "Jesus Hernandez and his son Jose".... Oops, wrong Jesus!



v v v v v



*borrowed from*
shinyhappyhead.com








v v v v v



Women have a passion for mathematics.

They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes and always add at 
least five years to the age of their best friend.



v v v v v



After hitting his 7th ball into the water on the 4th hole, a father turns to his son and
says, "It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do."



v v v v v


Red Lobster Cheese Biscuits


Dough:
1 1/4 lbs. Bisquik
3 Oz. freshly shredded cheddar cheese
11 Oz. cold water

Garlic Spread:
1/2 cup melted butter
1 teas. garlic powder
1/4 teas. salt
1/8 teas. onion powder
1/8 teas. dried parsley

To cold water, add Bisquik and cheese, blending in a mixing bowl.
Mix until dough is firm.
Using a small scoop, place the dough on a baking pan lined with
baking paper. Bake in 375 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until
golden brown. While biscuits bake, combine spread ingredients.
Brush baked biscuits with the garlic topping.

v v v v v







Click here: Seasonal Home Maintenance: Winter : DIY Network
http://www.diynetwork.com/diy/pac_ctnt/text/0,2019,DIY_14161_45330,00.html
Maintenance during the wintertime is all about doing indoor projects that keep you warm and dry while
outside is cold and damp.  Choose a video - Insulation - check and upgrade. 
Furnace maintenance.  Water Heater.  Tub Caulking.

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

HINT 1  

Can Opener Cleaner:  

If you need to clean your electric can opener, soak an  
old toothbrush in vinegar, hold it under the wheel/blade  
assembly and turn on your opener for about 30 seconds,  
this should do the trick very nicely. 

HINT 2  

Cancelled Check Container:  

I've found a great use for an old diaper wipes container...  
It's the perfect size. I store my cancelled checks in one  
of them. When the bank returns them I immediately file  
them in my container. This keeps them all together, makes  
it easy to flip through them if I need to, and makes it  
so much easier to find the checks I need when I'm getting  
my taxes together at the end of the year.



v v v v v


*submitted by*
DeVulcano


Why Men Have Better Friends


Friendship between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's
10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.

v v v v v



      Some Jet Blue passengers heading to Cancun were stuck
      on the tarmac at JFK Airport for eight hours last week
    when their plane couldn't take off because of bad weather.

  Oh, to be a fly in *that* cabin...


The Top 16 Things Overheard on the JetBlue Plane Delayed 10 Hours


16> "On the bright side, the pilot has had time to sober up."

15> "At least it's bearable now that the screaming baby is
     properly stowed in the overheard bin."

14> "Flight attendant! I have a shoe bomb! Can I leave now?"

13> "You'd think it's pretty clear by now there are no snakes
     on this thing."

12> "Coffee? Tea? Xanax?"

11> "Another vodka and cranberry juice? Certainly, Ms. Lohan.
     Let me bring you a fresh airsickness bag, too."

10> "Forget more peanuts -- that poodle in 6E is looking pretty
     tasty right now."

9> "We apologize, but for safety reasons we cannot deploy the
     oxygen masks -- despite the gentleman in 15C who had the
     chili burrito last night."

8> "Nicotine gum! Right here! Only $200!"

7> "Mr. Fiennes, other passengers urgently need to use the
     lavatory!"

6> "The good news is this gives the Captain time to sober up."

5> "Ladies and gentlemen, to help pass the time, we will be
     screening the complete four-season run of 'Blossom.'"

4> "Those of you on the left side of the plane may be able to see
     travelers lucky enough to be stranded *inside* the terminal."

3> "Wanna join the 15-foot-high club?"

2> "We ask you to keep your additional comments stowed up your
     asses for the rest of the flight."


                 and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing
        Overheard on the JetBlue Plane Delayed 10 Hours...


1> "We apologize for the delay, but all the de-icing equipment
     is being used for the Hillary 2008 campaign."



v v v v v








v v v v v



*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

  That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

  He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"

  She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

   John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said,
"John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said,  "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.  You know, he's only been there twice in the last four
years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."



v v v v v



NOTE:

A pair of gunmen men posing as prospective
buyers of four Yorkshire puppies forced their
way into a Los Angeles home and stole the
terriers, worth $2,500 each. Presumably the
crooks plan on fencing the stolen goods. How
would you know if *you* bought a "hot" puppy?


The Top 8 Signs You Bought a Stolen Puppy


8> When you ask for it's papers they hand you today's New York Times.

7> Obvious spray-painting and racing stripes fail to hide original color.

6> Your $2,500 got you the key to Unit B119 at the U-Stor-It.

5> On closer inspection, her unusual markings appear to be stains
    from an exploding dye packet.

4> The seller's customer satisfaction rating is only 25%.

3> He's on a leash which is tied to a sawed-off chunk of a doghouse.

2> To get him to wag his tail, you must first hot-wire his butt.


    and the Number 1 Sign You Bought a Stolen Puppy...


1> Her pedigree papers list her date and place of birth,
    bloodline, and instructions for replacing her toner cartridge.



v v v v v





  Click here: Sex After Menopause: 8 Ways To Make It Better Than Ever!
http://www.thirdage.com/health/women/sex_after_menopause_ss/
Is sex over after menopause? No way! Click through our slideshow to find out what to expect from your body
and mind during the "change of life." With a little planning -- and a lot of fun experimenting! -- you may even
find that your sex life is more enjoyable and fulfilling than in your younger years.

Click here: FDA Calls for Stronger Warnings on Sleep Drugs
http://usgovinfo.about.com/b/a/217547.htm
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has requested that all makers of drugs intended to induce or maintain sleep
strengthen the labeling of those drugs to warn consumers of their possible side effects. The side effects, according to the FDA, could
include severe allergic reactions and sleep-related misadventures, like sleep driving.As defined by the FDA, sleep driving Sleep driving
is "driving while not fully awake after ingestion of a sedative-hypnotic product, with no memory of the event."
Potential allergic reactions include a condition called "angioedema," severe facial swelling, which
can occur as early as the first time the drug is taken.

Click here: Drugs Don't Replace Diet -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/06/10/16/ALT02061016-02.html
A few years ago, diet and exercise were considered crucial cornerstones of a heart-healthy lifestyle. Now, drugs
seem to have replaced willpower and fitness. We recently received an e-mail from Steve that epitomizes this mind-set:
"Is it necessary to watch your diet and exercise when you are taking Lipitor, or will Lipitor be effective all by itself?"
If you read the official prescribing information for Lipitor, you will discover, "Lipid-altering agents should be used
in addition to a diet restricted in saturated fat and cholesterol only when the response to diet and other nonpharmacological
measures have been inadequate." What that means in ordinary English is that people should watch their diet first
and maintain prudent, low-fat eating habits even while they are taking Lipitor and related cholesterol-lowering drugs.
That's the theory. In practice, though, people learn quite quickly that statin-type medications such as Crestor, Lipitor,
Pravachol and Zocor (now available generically as simvastatin) are so effective that they
don't have to fret about dietary indiscretions.

Click here: Medinfo: Shingles (Herpes Zoster)
http://www.medinfo.co.uk/conditions/shingles.html
Shingles (otherwise known as Herpes Zoster) is a painful, blistering rash caused by the chickenpox (varicella) virus,
which affects only a limited area of skin, and makes you feel surprisingly tired, run down, and even depressed.

   
   
v v v v v



MINI MEATLOAVES

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 lb ground beef  
1 6-ounce box Stove Top Stuffing mix - any flavor  
1 cup water  
1/2 cup BBQ sauce or katsup  
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese  

DIRECTIONS:  
Ppeheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray muffin tins lightly with nonstick spreay. Combine meat, stuffing and water  
and mix well. Press evenly into 12 medium muffin sections. Make a deep thumbprint in each and add 1  
tablespoon of sauce in each indentation. Bake for 30 minutes then add shredded cheese. Cook for another 5  
minutes just until cheese is melted. Cool slightly and serve.  



v v v v v



I had one of those "baseball dreams" where I was standing in front
of a large crowd, picking my ass, adjusting my nuts and spitting
thick, brown tobacco juice everywhere...

Wait a minute! That WASN'T a dream... it was the video tape of
my wedding.



v v v v v





Winter Watering: The Key to Keeping a Garden
By Cindy Bellinger


Chilly weather will soon mean frozen soil in many areas of the country. But just because the ground is solid,
doesn't mean water can't seep in. It seems odd to water during the cold, blustery months, but winter plant loss of recent
transplants (past year or two) is more often caused by lack of water than by freezing temperatures.
When plants go dormant, they still need moisture. The biochemical processes that make plants cold-tolerant continue
producing high concentrations of dissolved sugars and amino acids in the winter. They need water to do this.

Watering Schedule
Depending on the amount of precipitation and severity of cold temperatures, a winter watering schedule may
be needed. When the ground is covered with snow, watering usually isn't necessary.
Water transplants from the past two planting seasons deeply once every 2-3 weeks through the fall. This is particularly
important in the southwestern US and the West Coast when fall conditions are still warm and dry. (A single deep watering in
late fall is sufficient for established woody plants.)  Water once every 2-3 weeks through the winter in the southwestern US,
the West Coast and TX if winter rains are insufficient. In cold Zones 3-5, water mid-day when day temperatures are well above
freezing (45° F +) so the moisture can soak in before freezing again at night.
Keep bulb areas well moistened.

Rule of Thumb
Though soil is solid, water still permeates. When watering and you hear ice crystals dissolving, it means
the water is soaking in. Dissolving ice often helps aerate the ground.
Poke your finger into the soil. When a half-inch of top soil is loose and beneath is frozen, that's a good time to water. Frost Heave
Avoid this problem by putting down a nice thick 2? layer of mulch on the beds in fall after fertilizing. In full sun flower beds
where moist soil repeatedly freezes and thaws, shallowly rooted plants will occasionally heave. Heaved plants can fracture
taproots as well as lateral roots, sometimes resulting in elevated crowns that can quickly dry out a plant.

When plants heave from the soil push them back in. Mulch generously to shade the soil, keep it frozen and prevent the
freeze/thaw cycle. When the brutally cold weather hits, it's ok to stay inside. But when there are hints of spring beginning
in late January and early February, don gloves and hat, bear the wintry temperatures and give your
plants a drink of water. It's the surest way to keep a garden alive.



v v v v v



"Take it from me, wrinkle cream doesn't work. I've been using it
for two years and my balls still look like raisins."


Harland Williams



v v v v v



Nature has many laws that hold fast and true.

For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise,
a baby baboon will become an adult baboon.

A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig.

A baby jackass will always become a jackass.

Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.



v v v v v



A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had
just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,and on
the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a
week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see
how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."



v v v v v



"We're learning more and more about that crazy astronaut. ... She told the police that she
was involved with another astronaut and that it was more than a working relationship, but less
than a romantic relationship. Or, as the Clintons call it, 'marriage.'"



Jay Leno
b


v v v v v



How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.



v v v v v



A grossly overweight woman gets on a train and seats herself next
to a man during rush hour.

The train was packed and the woman turns to the man and says,
"If YOU were a gentleman, you'd stand and let one of these other
ladies sit down!"

The man looks at her and replies, "And if YOU were a lady, you'd
stand and let FIVE or SIX of them sit down!!"



v v v v v



"Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different
names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and
stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it
worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way."


Harry Hill



v v v v v







XP has ClearType


Microsoft’s anti-aliasing font display technology — but doesn’t have it enabled by default. It’s well worth trying, especially
if you were there for DOS and all those years of staring at a screen have given you the eyes of an astigmatic bat.

To enable ClearType, right click on the desktop, select Properties, Appearance, Effects, select ClearType from the second drop-down
menu and enable the selection. Expect best results on laptop displays. If you want to use ClearType on the Welcome
login screen as well, set the registry entry HKEY_USERS/.DEFAULT/Control Panel/Desktop/FontSmoothingType to 2.



v v v v v



Anyone who's ever been to a "teaching hospital" knows to expect
a group of students to descend upon them at any time.

At one such hospital, in the recovery room, a bunch of students
gathered around a beautiful blonde who, even in a gown, was
obviously very well endowed, indeed

Recovery is an excellent place for student doctors to become
familiar with variations in heartbeats, while the body comes back
to normal from the operation and the anesthesia, by using a simple stethoscope.

The first student approached the patient calmly and proceeded to listen intently.

The group was silent as he did so. The woman hesitated, then looked
sympathetically into the eyes of the doctor-to-be. Reaching up,
she gently placed the earpieces into his ears.



v v v v v






Click here: Dumbest Cheerleader Ever
http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=1&pmmsid=1792836
Ummm duh!

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click here: Bangitout.com - SEINFELD RECUT - A hilarious recut of an episode of seinfeld.
http://www.bangitout.com/videos/viewvideo.php?a=284
If you liked Seinfeld, then I bet you'll love this excerpt from an episode from that program

2.  Click here: http://youtube.com/v/J3UDCoQnXjA
http://youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=J3UDCoQnXjA&eurl=&iurl=http%3A//sjl-static5.sjl.
youtube.com/vi/J3UDCoQnXjA/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskIhUuSmqLLa9jqL01tJWVFn
This is SO funny!

Click here: http://terrisfp.com/flash3/coffeesue.swf
http://terrisfp.com/flash3/coffeesue.swf



v v v v v



The Top 5 Ways to Get Promoted


5> For you? Be somebody else.

4> It involves fishnet stockings and a tight sweater. And if
    your name is Steve, never ever wearing them again.

3> Come in early, work through lunch and dinner. If you're
    available at those three times, you can take two four-hour
    breaks during the day and still get ahead.

2> "Dad, can you promote me?"


   and the Number 1 Way to Get Promoted


1> Knock up the CEO.



v v v v v



A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is
of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender “Does this look like Mike Tyson?”

Bartender says “No.”

She then asks “Does this look like Evander Holifield?”

Bartender says “Nope sorry.”

She’s says “Well I want another opinion.” She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her
inner right thigh and asks him “Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?”

Drunk guy says “No.”

She points to her inner left thigh and asks “Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?”

Drunk guy says “No but the one in the middle looks like Don King.”



v v v v v






Click here: When the Daddy Becomes the Mommy
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=divorcesupport&cdn=people&tm=11&gps=197_836_1193_850&f=
00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//divorcesupport.about.com/od/hisissues/a/mendadmom.htm
Couples, who are deciding to end their relationship where there are children involved, are not automatically deciding to
let the children go with the mother. Years ago, women did not have the same type of options in their personal and professional
lives as they have today. It is not just the women, either. Men today have more emotional options than they have ever had.

Click here: Don't Flood It!
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=divorcesupport&cdn=people&tm=B10&gps=78_897_1193_8
50&f=00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//divorcesupport.about.com/od/hisissues/a/mendontfloodit.htm
I can almost remember the first time I was in a car and it would not start. Since I was not a mechanic, I could
not make any effort to work on the car with any amount of expertise. I could not put my head under the hood with my trusty
set of tools and fix what was wrong with the car. Not only could I not work on the car, I had a limited amount
of options on how to get it started. You would think that this would encourage any thinking man to seek
professional help as soon as possible. But, this was not the case with me. Even though I did not have the knowledge to fix
the car, nor the tools, I still went all out to get the car started. The first thing that usually
comes to mind is, "Did I have gas in the car?"

   

v v v v v


   
A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. 
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in
case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.

Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as

food, matches, etc.  Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.

"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring
with you?" asked the Scout Master.

Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."

"Why's that Timmy?"

"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction,
the water is to prevent dehydration."

"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.

"Well, Sir,  as soon as you start playing Solitaire,
some asshole is bound to come up behind you and say,
"Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"



v v v v v



A farmer had a horse and the horse had a problem with
crying.  The farmer couldn`t get the horse to stop crying.  One day
the farmer decides to place an ad in the local paper.  The ad
read " Wanted - someone with a way with animals.  Will pay $100.00 for
anyone that can make my horse stop crying. 

The very first day that the ad ran the farmer recieved
a response.  A young man showed up to the farmers house.  The young
man took the horse behind the barn, a few minutes later the horse and
the young man return and the horse is laughing hysterically.  The
farmer pays the young man and he, the young man ad the horse go on
about their business, the horse laughing all the while. 

A few weeks go by and horse is still laughing hysterically the farmer
decides that he would rather put up with the horse crying.  He places
another ad this time the price is $200.00 for anyone that could that
get the horse to stop laughing.  The same young man responds. 
Again, he and the horse go behind the barn and moments later return. 
The horse is crying worse than the first time.

The farmer is delighted
that horse is no longer laughing and pays the young man.  As the
young man starts to leave, the farmer asks him "What is your secret? 
You made my horse stop crying and start laughing.  Then, you made him
stop laughing and start crying.  How did you do that?"

The young man replied, "It was easy.
The first time, I took him behind the barn and told
him I had one bigger than his.  The second time I showed him"  



v v v v v




Click here: No Miracle Skin Cream -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT10/06/12/07/ALT10061207-02.html
Consumer Reports' (CR) first test of wrinkle creams finds that on average, these products made little difference in
the skin's appearance and there's no correlation between price and effectiveness. The luxury-priced skin-care
offerings didn't work any better than the drugstore brands in CR's independent, unbiased tests. Further, CR's tests found
no relationship between the types of active ingredients in the products and their overall performance.

Click here: 10 Things That Can Age You Faster -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT10/06/11/30/ALT10061130-01.html
Wow --- I knew most of these but the 'drinking straw' floored me.  Makes sense!
   


v v v v v



Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one glanced over at the other and
said, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio."

"Why, that's right!" said the second man in surprise. "And I'll bet you were
circumcised when you were three days old."

"Right again. But how did you-"

"And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman."

"Well, yes," replied the astonished man, "but how on earth did you know?"

"Well, old Doc Steadman always cut them on a 60-degree angle," explained the first
man, "and you're pissing on my shoe."



v v v v v



  A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of
here! We don't serve your type."

The five is hurt by this and says, "Why not? Isn't my money good
enough for you?"

"Nah!" responds the bartender, "It's not that."

"What then?" asks the five.

"This is a singles' bar!"



v v v v v


Click here: Wake Up America
http://usawakeup.org/America_Wake_Up.htm

*submitted by*
WaltWiso
Click here: Civilization Calls - Wake Up America!
http://patriotfiles.org/civilizationcalls.htm
Scary -- *sniff* 
 
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Click here: God Bless The Americans
http://bettyjomings.truepath.com/veterans06.htm



v v v v v



After listening to other kids in the classroom telling all the cool
talents their parents have, the teacher called on Little Johnny. 
Quickly thinking of something just as good or better than the talents
of the other kids' parents, Little Johnny thought of something.  Little
Johnny exclaimed, "My dad eats light bulbs!"  All through the classroom

there were remarks of "Cool!"  The teacher, in shock, asked,
"What makes you think your father eats light bulbs?"
Little Johnny replies, "The other night when I was in bed, my dad said,

'Honey, if you turn the light out I will eat it.'



v v v v v



A beautiful, blonde young lady about 21 went to a doctor and
asked for a check-up. The doctor claimed that he had to use a
thermometer for the check-up.  So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I
put the thermometer?"

The girl replied, "...uh ...not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."

"Okay...let's try your armpit." the doctor suggested.

"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?"
the girl queried.

"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girls butt.

Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"

The doctor replied, "That's okay dear...  it's not the thermometer,either."



v v v v v

Butterscotch Freeze
2 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
fill cream
2 scoops ice cream or mix
ice blended frozen



BUZZSAW 
One red bull 8oz
4 shots vodka
1 shot triple sec  
Mix and enjoy



v v v v v



"I'm a grown woman but my father still thinks I know nothing
about my car. He always asks me, 'You changing the oil every 3,000 miles?'

'Yes, Dad. I'm also putting sugar in the gas tank. That
way my exhaust smells like cotton candy.'"



v v v v v



NOTE:   "Titanic" Director James Cameron believes he's
          found not only the tomb and remains of Christ
         but also evidence that Jesus fathered a child.


The Top 8 Signs Jesus Was a Dad


  8> Roots for the Philadelphia Eagles. Year after friggin' year...

7> Day after day, laid down the law about how the people around him should behave.

6> Could feed a family of 5,000 with just five loaves of bread and two fish.

5> Always had a little magic trick ready to amuse the relatives.

4> "When I was your age, I walked 40 miles barefoot, both ways, carrying my own crucifix!"

3> Once turned water into baby formula when the Jerusalem Wal-Mart ran out of Similac.

2> "Can we shut a door around here? What am I, heating the entire universe?"


  and the Number 1 Sign Jesus Was a Dad...


1> Liked to show off his scars.



v v v v v




Click here: group hug // anonymous online confessions
http://grouphug.us/
Do you have something you want to confess?  Perhaps a secret you
haven't told?  Tell the world -- anonymously.

*submitted by*
ENGLANDWINSAGAIN
Click here: Live A Life That Matters
http://susie1114.com/LiveALife.html
Beautiful!!

Click here: OUR "HALL OF FAME" INDEX - RushOnline.com (Rush Limbaugh)
http://rushonline.com/indexhall.htm
Click on each picture - lots to learn

Click here: US Navy Drill Team
http://www.whc.net/rjones/USN/USN_team.html
Love it !!

Click here: iTulip.com - Glossary
http://www.itulip.com/glossary.htm
Since 1998, iTulip has adopted or invented new words and concepts so we can discuss the peculiar economics and
markets of our time. Some words replace terms that have lost meaning.  The "Currency Formerly Know as the US Dollar"
is too wordy, so we adopted the term "bonar" instead, to meet dual requirements for brevity and levity.  The bizzarre
economic landscape requires new language to explain odd phenomena that iTulip has identified, such as "Risk Pollution,"
"Frankenstein Economy" and "Bubble Cycle."  Then there are pet hypotheses, such "Ka-Poom Theory".  And so on.

Click here: Body Mind And Modem: Cool Ki Tricks
http://www.bodymindandmodem.com/CoolKi/CoolKi.html
The best thing about mind/body training is how it makes you feel inside. But maybe the second best thing is,
it lets you do impressive stuff you couldn't do otherwise. Like make it impossible for someone much bigger than
yourself to bend your arm. Or make your body feel so heavy that two people can't lift you off the ground -
even though they could a moment before. These Cool Ki Tricks are certainly cool, but they
also teach you a lot about your mind/body state.    

Click here: Fashion & Personal Care
http://www.howtodothings.com/fashion-and-personal-care
Very cool site --- How to do things!!  How to shave, pluck eyebrows and so much more!

Click here: How Many of Me - No Name Entered
http://ww2.howmanyofme.com/search/
There are 299,968,595 people in the US -- How many have your name?  This is cool

*submitted by*
LuvinTheCountry
Click here: National Sex Offender Registry
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
Know the facts!  Find offenders.  Sign up for alerts - share awareness!

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Click here: How Smart Are You?
http://www.mikescomputerinfo.com/inteltest.htm
Think before you answer!

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Click here: ifyoucould.co.uk
http://www.ifyoucould.co.uk/index.htm
'If you could' is an annual publication set up by designers Will Hudson and Alex Bec. Aiming to showcase the
best in design and illustration, contributions are welcomed from both established and up and coming artists on
the theme, If you could do anything tomorrow, what would it be? Each publication is launched alongside an exhibition,
showing every single contribution received, meaning nobody's work goes unseen.

2.  Click here: Timeless Myths
http://www.timelessmyths.com/
Here you will find tales and information on ancient and medieval mythology and legend.
Timeless Myths centred around four mythology in Europe.

Classical Mythology
Norse Mythology
Celtic Mythology
Arthurian Legends



v v v v v



Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.
One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a
dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work;
the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they
had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get
a better view of their wives working.

This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately
led to television...and later to the remote control.



v v v v v



    REUBEN DIP APPETIZER  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1 cup mayonnaise  
1 16-ounce can sauerkraut, well rained  
1 8-ounce package Swiss cheese, shredded  
1 large package chopped corned beef  
hot mustard (optional for topping)  

DIRECTIONS:  
Mix all ingredients together and put in a greased  
baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.  
Serve with party bread or crackers and hot mustard  
on the side for topping.  



v v v v v



"Presidential candidate Tom Vilsack... not a lot of name recognition
there. Be honest. Before you came here today, how many had heard
the name Vilsack? How many thought it was a pickle?"



Jay Leno



v v v v v



*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS





v v v v v



A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a box of
crabs. A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the
crew's refrigerator, which she did.

Shortly before landing, she couldn't remember who gave her the
package, so she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman
who gave me the crabs in Sydney please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up.

So she took them home and ate them herself.



v v v v v



In a grocery store a cashier held up a small dairy carton and
yelled to a co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?"

Without a moment's hesitation the other cashier replied, "One."



v v v v v



Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?

A: Your grip.



v v v v v




by deb



The Dogs Who Found Me
Ken Foster


"After Foster adopts his first dog, Brando, from a shelter, he  can't help noticing an alarming number
of stray dogs, which he had never noticed  before. Once he starts looking for them, he finds strays everywhere:
on the side  of the road, at the dog park, at gas stations and stuck in drainage grates. But  this book isn't about
Foster as much as it's about his dogs, who help him  through 9/11 (he lived in Manhattan then), a heart condition
that lands him in  the hospital and the deaths of two good friends. Foster's relationships with the  three dogs
in his life aren't a one-way street, though: when one dog gets a  urinary infection every time Foster leaves,
Foster realizes she "was trying to  hold everything in until I returned." As if channeling the frank and fundamental  nature of
dogs, Foster's sentences hide little pretense or poetry. It's an  appropriate writing style that lets Foster present
his joys and sorrows plainly.  Interspersing vignettes on topics such as missing dog posters, shelters,  heartworms
and understanding dogs' body language, Foster fleshes out this  charming account of a life
among dogs while providing hints for would-be dog  savers"

I thought, by the name of this book, that it would be  different.  Like about dogs!  It seems Mr.Foster
had lots to say about his life that had very little to do with dogs.  I am disappointed for
that reason.   So if you want to read mostly about this guy's life then you might enjoy it.



v v v v v



This fella passed away, and he arrives at the Pearly Gates, and
St. Peter is waiting there to check him in, and the guy questions
St. Peter as to how he determines who gets in and who doesn't.

"Frankly," St. Peter replies, "we rely a lot on the list we get
from Santa Claus."



v v v v v



My friend received a package from the Navy containing the civilian
clothes her son was wearing when he left for boot camp at Great Lakes.

Not wanting to open the box, she put it away.

This cracked up her husband, who accused her of being a sentimental old fool.

"I'm not being sentimental," she shot back. "I'm realistic. His
shoes, socks, and underwear have been inside that box for two
whole weeks....and I'm not going to be the one to open it!"



v v v v v



A woman in India claims that she has lived to be 120 years old by
drinking wine and smoking pot every day. No one had the heart to tell
the stoned woman that she's only 35.



Conan O'Brien



v v v v v



IRISH WHISKEY PIE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
Chocolate ready-to-use pie crust  
1/4 cup Irish whiskey  
1 envelope unflavored gelatin  
1 Tablespoon mint jelly  
2 3/4 cup whipped topping  
2 Tablepoons sugar  
2 eggs, separated  
green food coloring  
2/3 cup light cream  
dash salt  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine gelatin, 1 Tablespoon sugar, and salt in saucepan.  
Beat egg yolk slightly. Add egg yolks, cream and whiskey  
to gelatin mixture. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly,  
until mixture thickens slightly. Stir in mint jelly. Chill  
until mixture begins to thicken. Beat egg whites to soft  
peaks. Beat in remaining sugar until mixture holds a stiff  
peak. Fold meringue and 2 cups whipped topping into  
custard mixture. Add green food coloring to desired shade.  
Turn into crust. Garnish with remaining whipped topping and  
refrigerate until firm. Let stand at room temperature for 2  
hours before cutting  



v v v v v




Click here: Cyber Crime Hits the Big Time in 2006 - washingtonpost.com
http://letters.washingtonpost.com/WBRH021A6A494B8C4E87F3302F40F0
Call it the "year of computing dangerously."
Computer security experts say 2006 saw an unprecedented spike in junk e-mail and sophisticated online attacks
from increasingly organized cyber crooks. These attacks were made possible, in part, by a huge
increase in the number of security holes identified in widely used software products



v v v v v



Executive Training

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800 to drop that
towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand
up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"  The priest
apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."  Arriving at the
convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129.  It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,
you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be
in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world." Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't
got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The
next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there.

This ends the 3-minute management course .



v v v v v





Click here: VegCooking > Best Restaurant Veggie Burger--Yours Free*!
http://www.vegcooking.com/johnnyrocketspecial.asp
Our favorite veggie burger, the Streamliner® —the one that even your meat-eating uncle will love—is absolutely FREE*
(with the purchase of a Streamliner® or any sandwich, starter, and drink) in March. Johnny Rockets has
everything—atmosphere, retro music, fun dancing servers, and ketchup poured out into a smiley face. Now it’s
even better, because Johnny Rockets is giving you its delicious Streamliner® free*! Click here to find the
location nearest you, and head on over to Johnny Rockets for your free* burger!
   
Click here: Recipes & Cookbooks - Cooking Recipes from Betty Crocker
http://www.bettycrocker.com/
Recipes, meal ideas, baking, how-tos and more

Click here: The Bread Bakers Guild of America
http://www.bbga.org/
The Bread Bakers Guild of America. An non-profit organization for Artisan Bread Bakers. To promote
interaction and exchange of information between artisan bakers, their suppliers, and specialists
in the science of baking and baking ingredients.   



v v v v v



A really drunk man was walking along the street one day. He was
staggering quite a bit, and made two nuns that were approaching
him very nervous. The two nuns split apart - one walked to the
man's left and one walked to the man's right.

After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said,
"Now how in the hell did she do that"?



v v v v v



It turns out Las Vegas actually *is* a family-friendly town - if your family is made
up of alcoholic sex addicts with an inexhaustible supply
of money who smoke like chimneys.



v v v v v


   




Click here: Exercises - 4 Best Exercises for Older Adults
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/16u&sdn=home&cdn=people&tm=17&gps=48_124_0_0&f=00&tt=2
0&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//seniorliving.about.com/od/exercisefitnes1/a/4seniorexercise.htm
For older adults and seniors who want to stay healthy and independent, the National Institutes of Health
(NIH) recommend four types of exercises:

  Click here: Books on Retirement and Finance
http://seniorliving.about.com/od/retirement/a/booksretirement.htm
Whether you’re a Baby Boomer considering retirement, a senior still in the workforce, or a retiree enjoying
your leisure time, it's important to manage your assets and plan your financial future. Here's a list of books
that focus on financial issues that are important for older adults.

  Click here: Books on Senior Sexuality
http://seniorliving.about.com/od/sexromance/a/seniorsexbooks.htm
Want to learn more about aging and its effects on male and female sexuality? These books focus
on age-related sexual changes and dysfuction, and they offer practical solutions.
   

   
v v v v v



     The magic isn't completely gone from my marriage, but
      it used to be like a ritzy Las Vegas show featuring
    David Copperfield and involving a cage full of
       tigers and a bevy of beautiful showgirls. Now it's
    more like Uncle Ernie's "Got your nose!" trick.



v v v v v



On our last vacation, Mrs. Professor and I saved some money by
staying in a cheap hotel. Just as we were falling asleep, we
heard the sounds of mattress springs and a banging headboard
from the next room.

At first, the amorous couple amused us.
After five minutes it had lost its charm. After ten minutes
we were a little annoyed. After fifteen minutes, we were just
plain ticked off, as it was keeping us awake. After half an
hour we were incensed! After an hour we were pretty damned impressed.



v v v v v



"What A Man Says"

1. "These flowers are for you."
2. "Can I have your number?"
3. "You look beautiful."
4. "I've enjoyed tonight."
5. "What we have is special."
6."I love you."


"What A Man Wants"

A. Sex
B. Sex
C. Sex
D. Sex
E. Sex
F. Sex



v v v v v


 
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87



  Finally . . .  someone has been able to photograph the pot at the end of the rainbow.






v v v v v



  A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain
restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always looked
and sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling
rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take
their orders, "Ma'am, do you believe in free love?"

The waitress huffed up and almost yelled at the man, "I certainly do not!"

With a great big grin, the man asked,
"Well, Darlin', what do you charge?"



v v v v v


 
*submitted by*
WMBAAS


MURPHY'S LESSER KNOWN LAWS!


1. Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who  live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4.  Nothing  is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The  50-50-90 rule:
Anytime you  have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90%  probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you  lined up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would  be stupid enough to try to pass them,
five or six at  a time, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things  that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got  there first.

8. The shin  bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a  tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you  go into court,
you are  putting yourself into the hands of 12 people
who weren't  smart enough to get out of jury duty.



v v v v v

Click here: Date Ideas - The 20 Best
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1Pp&sdn=dating&cdn=people&tm=47&gps=52_43_1193_850&f=00&su=p309.1.150
.ip_p284.5.420.ip_&tt=13&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//dating.about.com/od/ideasfordates/qt/TwentyIdeas.htm
Have a date, but can't think of a date idea? These twenty ideas should provide all the ammunition you need to plan something special.

Click here: No More Excuses: 15 Fun Places To Meet Someone New
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5BPk
Struggling to meet new people? Here's a list of 15 things you could do starting
today to begin the path to finding someone new:

   

v v v v v



Morris and a woman are standing side by side waiting for a
bus when they get to talking.

"Say," said the woman. "Do you have a hobby?"

"Naturally, a hobby I got, I'm a bee keeper."

"Well, you must live in the country then."

"Nope, right here in the city... in Brooklyn."

"Really? You must have a large house then."

"Nope, apartment."

"Geez, where do you keep'm?"

"A shoe box in my closet."

"A shoe box!? How many bees do you have?"

"Couple thousand, something like that. So who counts?"

"Well, you can't keep a couple thousand bees in a shoe box!
They'll die!"

"So what?  I hate bees."



v v v v v


Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

* Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL



v v v v v






worldstart.com
erin

I'm in need of a new monitor for my desktop computer. What are all the differences
between them and what should I look for?


A:
Oh, I love these sorts of questions! I like to give back to all you readers in your time of need. Obviously, the monitor
is one of the biggest parts of a computer and if you're left without one, you can't do anything with your PC!
How horrible is that?! So, let's help get you a new monitor ASAP!

As you mentioned in your question, you know there are several different kinds of monitors you can buy. Most sellers offer
the 17", 19" or 21" (which is known as the Cathode Ray Tube (CRT) and it is most like a TV screen, but much sharper
in image). Now, there are probably larger versions available out there today, but for your needs, we'll just stick with the three sizes.

Now that we have the sizes covered, let's check out the prices. The 21" monitor is obviously going to cost the most,
simply because they weigh the most and take up the most space. If you're really thinking about getting a 21," you'll want to
thoroughly check them out first. You'll need some room to spare on your desk for it to fit and you'll want to be sure of
the quality you're getting. On the other hand, 17" and 19" screens are pretty similar in cost. You may pay
approximately $50 to $100 more for a 19" over a 17."

Once you choose your size, you have the choice of getting either a regular shaped monitor or a flat screen. And to
add even more to your plate, there is a regular flat screen monitor or an aperture grill monitor, which is vertically flat. Regular flat
screens are mostly curved vertically and horizontally. The aperture grill will give you thin black lines along the screen when
you're viewing a white background. That can be a little annoying sometimes (unless you like that kind of thing), so you'll want
to keep that in mind as well. Of course, the different sizes will accommodate for how much black line you will see.

Okay, I have more choices to throw in the mix for you. You also can pick to have an LCD monitor if you want. LCD
monitors are what come with laptops. With everything else, LCDs come with some advantages and disadvantages. For example, some advantages
are a smaller sized screen in thickness, they don't give off as much heat, they use less power and they have a more crisp and clear display
than some other monitors. On the other hand, some disadvantages are that they are more expensive, they're a lot more fragile
than the other types of monitors, they can easily produce screen defects and they sometimes cause color and contrast problems.

Now, according to some reviews I was looking at, most people go with a 19" monitor for size. The rest of the choices
depends on how important the display image, cost, etc. means to you. There are obviously several choices to be made when
choosing a monitor, just as when you're buying a new computer or printer. But, if you do your homework,
you'll be able to find the perfect new monitor for your PC. No doubt about it.



v v v v v



SPICED BEEF for St. PATRICK'S DAY  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
6 pound piece of brisket, sirloin tip or eye of round  
3 bay leaves. finely chopped  
1 teaspoon powdered mace  
6 finely ground cloves  
1 teaspoon crushed black peppercorns  
1 large garlic clove made into a paste with salt  
1 teaspoon allspice  
2 tablespoons molasses  
2 heaping tablespoons brown sugar  
1 pound cooking salt  
2 teaspoons saltpetre  

DIRECTIONS:  
Mix all spices and flavorings together. Place beef in a large dish and rub well all over mixture. Refrigerate  
in a covered bowl. Repeat this process every day for a week, turning the meat and rubbing in the spices  
which will now be mixed with the juices drawn from  
the meat. Tie the meat up firmly and rub a final  
teaspoon of ground cloves. Cover with water and simmer  
slowly for 6 hours. When cool enough to handle remove  
from the cooking liquid, place in a dish and cover  
with a weighted plate. Slice very thinly and serve.  

   

v v v v v



The Top 16 Worst Excuses for Being Late for Work


16> "Actually, I've been here for over 20 minutes, big guy --
     I was just out chillin' in the van waiting for the end
     of the live version of 'Freebird'."

15> "I keep forgetting which side of the International Date
     Line you're on."

14> "We're *open* on Tuesdays?!?"

13> "It took this long to get the ol' blood alcohol level down
     to the legal driving limit."

12> "I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with
     overwhelming aggressive impulsies by reassuring myself
     that nothing would happen today that would push me over
     the edge."

11> "My proctologist got stuck."

10> "It was Senator Kennedy's turn to drive today, so I've
     spent the last hour swimming."

9> "I'm late because I was on the phone trying to get *your*
     lousy shipping department to send the company's office
     supplies directly to the winner of my eBay auction."

8> "Hey, time becomes meaningless when you're as strung out
     on crystal meth as I am."

7> "Sorry, sir.  I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job,
     a windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss."

6> "Heidi Klum refused to untie me."

5> "On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man
     comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-
     strength anti-canker sore gel."

4> "I'm sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you -- uh -- this
     box of ten donuts."

3> "It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain
     this morning...  Sir."

2> "My dog ate my presentation, sir.  And by 'my dog' I mean your
     wife, and by 'ate my presentation' I mean 'was boinking me'."


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Worst Excuse for Being Late for Work...


1> "These are not the 'droids you're looking for."



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*submitted by*
DeVulcano
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2.  Click here: Flowers for You!
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3. Click here: As You Go Along Your Way
http://asandboxgreeting.com/twoheartsthatcare.html



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My ex-husband was temperamental -

90% temper and 10% mental.



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In the smoking-car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits
of various ways of preserving health.  One stout, florid man held
forth with great eloquence on the subject.

"Look at me!" he said.  "Never a day's sickness in my life,  and all
due to simple food.  Why, gentlemen," he continued,  "from the age of
twenty to that of forty I lived an  absolutely simple regular life
no effeminate delicacies,  no late hours, no extravagances.  Every
day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine
o'clock and up again at five in the morning.  I worked from eight to
one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words:  after that, an
hour's exercise; then.."

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the  corner,
"But what were you in prison for?"



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your friends while you chat.  All you need is a headset/speakers and a microphone.  Add a webcam if you want.

Click here: Microsoft Live Labs: Photosynth
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Photosynth is an amazing new technology from Microsoft Live Labs that will change forever the way you think
about digital photos.Our software takes a large collection of photos of a place or an object, analyzes them for similarities,
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Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation.

When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets
back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"  She says, "Well, put
them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and
says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!" She says again, "Well,
put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again
that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them
through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"



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It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to
everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.



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Tune-ups.


Cars generally don't need to be tuned up nowadays unless something is wrong. Same goes for spark plugs. Leave them
alone as long as the car is running okay. I got a nasty note on this from a guy who fixes cars for a living. Go read
his web site (http://www.motorplex.com/)  and see if you agree with him. 

Dealing with squeaks. 


When men hear a squeak in the engine, they usually don't know what to do any more than you do. They just know they
need help to find it. When they hear a squeak in one of the doors or the trunk, they get a can of WD-40 and squirt in the
general direction of anything that moves and then wiggle it back and forth. If that works, they quit and feel proud. If it doesn't,
they squirt something else. If that still doesn't work, they cuss about "those lazy bastards in Detroit (or Tokyo, or wherever)
who don't know their ass from their elbow."  You'll get the knack of it after you squirt a few times.



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The Westminster Dog Show crowned a new champion. The name of
the dog is James. He's a 6-year-old Springer Spaniel.  I'm not
sure what a Springer Spaniel is... I think it's a cross between
a cocker spaniel and Jerry Springer.



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"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it's been
terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good
news today out of Washington. They have raised the limit of debt we
can go to to $9 trillion.  It sends a great message to the kids:
Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading
curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C."



Jon Stewart




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The Top 9 Songs About Paul and Heather Mills McCartney's Divorce


9> Pissed and Shouting

8> Please, Fleece Me

7> Got to Get You Out as My Wife

6> Leg It Be

5> I Really, REALLY Should Have Known Better

4> Baby, You're a Bitch, Damn!

3> (You Say You Wanna) Dissolution

2> Nixing a Ho


               and the Number 1 Song About Paul and
               Heather Mills McCartney's Divorce...


1> Way Screwed



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Click here: Top 10 Pop Songs About War
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1Td/XO&sdn=home&cdn=specials&tm=69&gps=79_27_1193_850&
f=00&tt=19&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//top40.about.com/od/top10lists/tp/warsongs.htm
Pop songs have frequently taken on war as a subject. Most of them have addressed war in opposition to it. However,
that is not a universal point of view. The songs are presented in alphabetical order by the artist
and include a key lyric excerpt as well as a video link.

Click here: Alternative & Independent Music
http://altmusic.about.com/
At some point, I'm sure everyone feels born too late. My mother always complained she was born a decade
late to be a Beat poet. Looker, it seems, feels born too late as well. The only problem is, listening to their raucously
awesome debut LP, I can't seem to figure out what they feel born too late for (it ain't being a beat poet, I'm
guessing). It shouldn't really matter, except that I think their record is the perfect thing to listen to right now. Convincingly
indignant, purposefully heartfelt, intricately to-the-point, it's got twelve solid tracks and a whole lot
of earned swagger. Born Too Late for mediocre music, maybe?



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"Jet Blue has apologized now for stranding thousands of passengers
and today, Jet Blue's president introduced a passenger bill of
rights. First on the list is 'You have the right to fly Delta and United.'"



Conan O'Brien



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"This week marks the beginning of the Chinese year of the pig. So,
guys, this is our year!"



Jay Leno



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Click here: Should You Worry That Your Fur is Fido?
http://fashion.about.com/od/latesttrends/i/dogfur.htm
American designers and department stores are coming under fire for selling mislabeled fur. In some cases,
the coats advertised or labeled "faux fur" or "raccoon" are actually made from racoon dog fur. Intense media attention and
public outcry has caused the entire fur issue to be reexamined. 

DISGUSTING - check out the latest developments at the site

   

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NOTE   Here in the U.S., Daylight Savings Time began
          on a Sunday -- a few weeks earlier this year.


The Top 16 Benefits to Having More Daylight


16> Paparazzi lurking for elusive Britney photos will spend
    10 percent less on flash batteries!

15> Wrinkles caused by increased squinting spell insane profits
    for Botox purveyors.

14> Gives enterprising vampire hunters a chance to fatten their
    averages.

13> Truth be told, constellations are way over rated.

12> More hours of tanning time to work on a darker shade for
    your Basal Cell Carcinoma collection.

11> We're *all* safer since Paris Hilton won't hit the streets
    until an hour later.

10> Get more use out of your Ron Jeremy novelty sundial.

9> Spring breakers back a full three weeks earlier for their
    shifts at the meth lab.

8> "Makes no difference to me -- it's always dark down here in
    my parents' basement." (Chris White only)

7> Jared Leto mercifully stays out of the public eye that much longer.

6> If we're going to be ready by November 2008, we need all
    the help we can get thawing out Hillary.

5> Cannabis needs lots of sunlight. Just sayin'.

4> Now there may be enough panel-charging sun time to take
    the ol' Begleymobile out for a joyride around the block!

3> Expanded market opportunities for your new invention, Day-Vision Goggles.

2> Takes less time to rock 'n' roll all night, leaving more time to party every day.


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Benefit to Having More Daylight...


1> More coffin time for Ann Coulter.


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  Click here: Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml



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There's an asteroid heading toward the earth and we're all going
to die. There is!

Scientists are saying there's a 1 in 45,000
chance of an asteroid hitting the earth in 2036.  Now an asteroid
is a giant rock. It's headed toward the earth. We should send up
a giant piece of paper. We couldn't send scissors; that would be impractical



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A nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down out- side
the operating room where another golfer who had a golf ball driven
down his throat, was being treated.

"Is he a relative of yours?" the nurse, stepping outside the room,
asked the pacing golfer.

"No," replied the man, "That's my ball!"




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http://www.abc4.com/local_news/local_headlines/story.aspx?content_id=2C293AB3-DEF5-4892-B36A-89A0EE82CB97
Parents have discovered a new term called home grown porn. It means teenagers taking sexually
explicit pictures and sending them to each other with their cell phones.

Click here: HGTV Sends DIY Shopping Lists to Cell Phones @ Media Buyer Planner
http://www.mediabuyerplanner.com/2006/11/08/hgtv-sends-diy-shopping-lists-to-cell-phones/
Scripps Networks' HGTV.com is making shopping for do-it-yourselfers a little easier by enabling shopping lists (tied to how-to
online videos) to be text messaged to cell phones so the list will be handy at stores.
For example, when users watch a video on fixing a loose banister, they can choose to have the list of materials
text messaged so they have it on hand while they shop.
Currently, four projects from HGTV television shows are available for text-based shopping.
About 15 will be available by the end of this year.



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"I can't believe she said I was a liar. Sure I make random stuff
up, but I'm not a liar."

Overheard at Starbucks



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A high-school senior was filling in a college scholarship
application. When one form asked for extracurricular activities,
the student answered: "Wrestling."

The next question on the application required a list of positions held, to
which he replied: "Pinned mostly."



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If I could tell you one thing I've learned from
working for a bipolar boss, it's to be
very selective in when you talk back to him.

Well, that *and* don't knock up his wife.



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Click here: Perform a Clean Install of Windows XP
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About PC Support has a new guide, and he recently posted a guide to performing a clean install of Windows XP.
But why would you want to perform a clean install of Windows XP?
As Tim Fisher explains, it's sometimes necessary to reinstall Windows after you have serious problems with your
computer. In his guide, he shows you every step of the process involved in performing a clean install of Windows XP,
complete with numerous screen shots.

Click here: PC World - Lab Tests: Vista's Fast If You Have the Hardware
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,128305/article.html?tk=nl_cxanws
You need at least 1GB of RAM, and you'll go even faster with a dual-core processor, PC World's lab testing shows.



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  The newly married man came home from work to find his
new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed
in a very skimpy negligee. "Guess what I got
planned for dinner," she asked seductively?

"And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today...."

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What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?

One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.



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Click here: True Or False
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Can you guess which of the following are True or False?

Click here: :: Card Toss ::
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A little time waster for you

Click here: Howstuffworks "How does an Etch-a-Sketch work?"
http://www.howstuffworks.com/question317.htm
An Etch-a-Sketch® is actually a pretty amazing device! It is essentially a manually operated plotter with a built-in
erasing system. Anyone who has used an Etch-a-Sketch before will recognize the familiar red plastic toy with
the glass drawing window (now also available in other fashion colors):

   

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   I wonder if young people on honeymoons today have as
much sex as we did when I was young.

For the first week on our cruise, most people
thought my wife and I were Siamese twins.



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My oh-so-clever pregnant wife said that for
  Lent this year, she's giving up menstruation.  She also
informed me I will be giving up sex.




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Click here: Focus on Macs - Virus and Spyware
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15q/F&sdn=macs&cdn=compute&tm=36&gps=79_694_1193_850&f=
20&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//macs.about.com/od/virusandspyware1/
Many of these resources are general in nature and are useful if you work in a mixed Mac/PC environment. While spyware
issues do not affect Mac users, you may find that some Web browser cookies fall under this broad definition of spyware. You
can maintain your privacy on a shared Mac by clearing the browser history, removing all cookies, clearing downloads, and
empting the cache. While virus issues are similarly less frequent on a Mac than on a PC, it is wise to run antivirus
software - particularly if you run Microsoft applications on your Mac.
   


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"I'm confused," the little boy admitted to his teacher. "I
went to church last Sunday and they kept telling me to stand
up for Jesus! But then I went to the ballgame, and everyone
kept yelling, 'For Christ's sake, sit down!'"



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A college student picked up his date at her parents home.
He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a
fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost
everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster,
champagne. . . the works.

Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid."



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Patrick and Mary, being good Irish Catholics, had so many
children that they didn't know what to do. Paddy says to
Mary, "Sure, and we have to get some advice from the
parish priest. We can't keep on with any more children."

So they went to see the priest and the priest says to Patrick,
"Now, my boys, you know the church only allows two ways to
limit the little ones. One is to abstain altogether and the
other is the rhythm method."

Patrick scratches his head and says, "Well, now, Father, how
in the hell am I going to find a band at 4:00 o'clock in the morning?"



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Some chicks absolutely love to give head; I call
that type "vampires." Others get turned on by
doing it doggy style; I like to call them "Snoopies."
And then there are those who don't seem to like
ANY kind of sex; I call that type "my girlfriend."
(Mike Ranston)

When they built my new house, they used grout
around the tub where they should have caulked.
And my mom used to warn me about guys
who put their caulk in the wrong place!
(Caperwoman)

The weirdest sexual position I've ever been in
definitely has to be "Go stand on your head in
the closet while I fuck your friend, John."
(Mike Ranston)

I thought I was being pretty funny, initiating sex
by telling my wife, "Prepare to be invaded by
the Mongol hordes!" -- until I discovered she
had built a Great Wall of Vagina to keep me out.
(Brad Wilkerson)

April flowers bring golden showers. But
the hooker will still make you pay extra.
(Mark D. Sabien)

I've decided to donate my body to science.
That way, I'll be able to look forward to one
day having my penis thrown around the classroom
by mischievous female med school students.
(Ken Prentice)



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My father began teaching business classes at the local prison
through a community college. On his first night of class, he
started a chapter on banking. During the course of his lecture,
the subject of ATM's came up, and he mentioned that, on the average,
most machines contain about $1500 at any given time.

Just then a man in the back raised his hand. "I'm not trying to
be disrespectful," he told my father, "but the machine I robbed
had about $5000. in it!"



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Three men, an Italian, a Frenchman and a Jew, were condemned to be  executed.
Their captors told them that they had the right to have a final meal  before
the execution. They asked the Frenchman what he wanted.

"Give me the best  French wine and French bread, "he replied.

So they gave it to them, he ate it and  then they executed him. Next it was
the Italian's turn.

"Give me a great big plate of pasta," said  the Italian.

So they brought  it to him, he ate it and then they executed him. Next it was
the Jew's  turn.

"I want a big  bowl of strawberries," said the Jew.

"Strawberries!!! They aren't even in season!"

"No? .... so I'll wait...."



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Welcome to the Blue Ridge Parkway
http://www.blueridgeparkway.org/
The Blue Ridge Parkway is a 469-mile scenic corridor that runs through the southern Appalachian Mountains  
from Shenandoah National Park, in Virginia, to Great Smoky Mountains National Park, on the North Carolina-  
Tennessee border. It has much in common with these parks -- notably motor-vehicle access to hiking,  
camping, and picnicking opportunities; cultural and historical attractions; and modern lodgings nestled  
in some of the most striking mountain scenery in the East.  

Conceived in 1933 as a Great Depression-era public works effort, the Blue Ridge Parkway was begun in 1935  
-- the first rural national parkway -- and finished in 1987. Its aim was to link the parks and to fight the  
area's dire unemployment. Today the parkway attracts more than 20 million visitors. 


*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
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The Schmap Player is a small and easy-to-use piece of freeware. Install it on your Windows PC, select from
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    Dynamically explore a city, island or region-     Play virtual tours of recommended hot spots
    Find restaurants, bars etc. to suit your taste     -  Bookmark as you browse to plan your trip
    Custom print your own destination guides  -  Enjoy many more unique Schmap features   
   


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Some of you may be wondering what ever happened to some famous cartoon
characters  after they made their big splash. Well, I caught up with a few of
them, and these are some of the results:

The Grinch
Changed his name to Gingrich and became Speaker of the House.

Frosty the Snowman
Became Frosty the Snowwoman after he had his snowballs removed.

Captain Crunch
Was demoted to Sargeant Crunch due to a decline in sales.

Charlie Brown
Was fired as a spokesman for Rogaine after he discovered the stuff didn't
work for him.

Snow White
Fired by the head of DisneyWorld after she said she was feeling Bashful.



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If at first you don't succeed you are running
about  average.



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     The Top 16 Things You Don't Want to Hear on a First Date


16> "No salad for me, but I'll have a couple of those mega-burritos."
    
15> "You look so much better in person then you do on the
     company's hidden bathroom web-cam."
    
14> "Okay, here's the plan: After you get into the movie, open
     the fire door and bang! We save 8 bucks that we can use
     later on at Wendy's!"

13> "You think I look good NOW?  Honey, I'll look even better
     when they finish the surgery!"

12> "I did *not* have sexual relations with that President, Mr. Clinton."

11> "Hey, wanna hear your name in Klingon?"

10> "It looks like you weren't able to cover up that zit with
     makeup. Can I pop it for you?"

9> "I do, Mr. Multimillionaire."

8> "Sorry about the cell phone in the theater, but my wife could
     go into labor any minute now."

7> "Why don't you want to go to Hooters? What're you, a
     feminist or something?"

6> "My imaginary friend wants to know how you feel about threesomes."

5> "Don't worry about protection, silly -- I'm *already* pregnant."

4> "Mind getting on top? My nose is running."

3> "It seems like only yesterday that Satan welded my crotch shut."

2> "Heads up, Hon -- I *always* get lucky when I'm wearing my Hulk Underoos."


              and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing
           You Don't Want to Hear on a First Date...


1> "How strange -- you kiss just like your dad!"



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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
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*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
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3. Click here: Putfile - MysonisaHeterohostingual16
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Naughty for language -- LOL funny!!



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Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control



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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind



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©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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