Rockin' and Rollin'

Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet

Hey there!

Got back from Vegas a few days ago -- I swore I would never go. I don't gamble but I have
my master's degree in shopping so I did what I do best and shopped in some
fantastic stores! Not going back but it was fun for a one-time deal.

Hope you've all had a fantastic weekend!

Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

"Great newsletter. Loved the first picture. I need to be nicer to you so I can see more of my
"contributions." How come there was nothing in there about wanting to see you
spread eagle on my windshield, and then wanting to refill your wiper fluid reservoir?"
ron_stott@yahoo.com

v v v v v

   Abe and Esther were flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased to function, and we will attempt an emergency landing.
   "Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we
may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

   Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
   An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

   Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

   "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?"

   "Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send those, either."

   Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years!
   Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?"

   Abe answers, "They'll find us! Don't worry -- they WILL find us!"

v v v v v

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work
its way through Congress.

v v v v v

A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets
through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly
missing another golfer.

When the first golfer gets to his ball, he is greeted by
his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer.

"That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to
yell 'OH, SHIT!"

v v v v v

Golden Cadillac
1 oz Galliano herbal liqueur
2 oz White creme de cacao
1 oz light cream
Combine all ingredients with 1/2 cup crushed ice in
an electric blender. Blend at low speed for ten seconds.
Strain into a champagne flute and serve.

Big Booty Shake
1 cup milk
1/2 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup chocolate ice cream
1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort peach liqueur
Blend.

v v v v v

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

v v v v v

The Top 9 Little-Known Facts About Rhinoceroses

9> Rhinovirus? Fifth cousin, thrice removed.

8> Many of them die attempting to have sex 69-style.

7> Deeply bitter over receiving zero royalties from Rhino Records.

6> The ones at the zoo have actually heard your clever "Look!
   He's horny!" line before.

5> They have always felt like the "ugly unicorn."

4> Their thick protective skin hides a soft and gentle side; they
   weep easily during Disney movies.

3> They consider powder made from ground human genitalia to be an aphrodisiac.

2> Rhino teens enjoy a little Friday night lion tipping.

   and the Number 1 Little-Known Fact About Rhinoceroses...

1> Rhinos are not animals, they are actually armored tanks driven by meerkats.

v v v v v

Why are blondes quiet when they're having sex?
Because they were told not to talk to strangers

v v v v v

v v v v v

   Many Americans think Super Bowl Sunday should be
   designated a national holiday. However, we here
at TopFive HQ would prefer it be the Monday after
the Super Bowl. And since "National Hangover Day"
   wouldn't be appropriate, we have some suggestions...

The Top 16 Names for the Day-After-the-Super-Bowl Holiday

16> Pooper Bowl Monday

15> Baseball Season Eve

14> Get-an-Unidentified-Stain-Out-of-the-Couch Day

13> Thank God for Vicodin Day

12> Deciding-Whether-That-Commercial-Was-Really-Funny-or-If-You-
Were-Just-Really-Drunk Day

11> Hair-of-the-Dog Day

10> Sell-the-Kids-Into-Slavery-to-Pay-for-the-72"-HDTV-You-
Bought-on-Saturday Day

9> De-Cheeto the Rug Day

8> Hope You Like Hockey Day

7> Talk-Loudly-and-I'll-Break-Your-Face Day

6> Indigestivus

5> I-Can't-Believe-ESPN-Is-Still-Analyzing-the-Game Day

4> Get-Reacquainted-With-Your-Wife-and-Kids Day

3> Actsoberfest

2> Pay-the-Bookie-or-Lose-a-Finger Day

   and Topfive.com's Number 1 Name for
   the Day-After-the-Super-Bowl Holiday...

1> Stinko de Guy-O

v v v v v

Click here: Money Saving Favorite Tips
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/32Zp
Tips to use, reuse, substitute and plain ol' do it different - and save money when you do!

Click here: How Products Are Made
http://www.madehow.com/
How Products Are Made explains and details the manufacturing process of a wide variety of products,
from daily household items to complicated electronic equipment and heavy machinery. The site provides step
by step descriptions of the assembly and the manufacturing process (complemented with illustrations and diagrams)
Each product also has related information such as the background, how the item works, who invented the product,
raw materials that were used, product applications, by-products that are generated, possible
future developments, quality control procedures, etc.

Click here: Box Office Mojo
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/
The first thing you need to do when you get here is sign up for a Screening Pass account, which
is free and it allows you to access some of the niftier features on the site.
Here you can not only check out how movies are doing at the box office, but see trailers, stills,
comment in the forums on them, rate movies and much, much more.
There is a lot to take in on the main page, so let’s go through it. In the middle, at the very top, you’ll find the top box
office sellers. Next to that, you will find the Top Stories, which includes director interviews to box office results to gift guides.
Readers – Want to share your opinion or play games, vote or rate movies? Well, this is the section that will
lead you to all those options, including the Forum where you can chat with other movie goers.
All in all, this site provides an in depth look into the box office results and movie business. Enjoy!

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click here: BadSpelling.com - Online Spelling Test
http://www.badspelling.com/
See how well you do with the spelling quizzes on this site! It will show you how
your results compare to others who have taken the same quiz

Click here: The 20 21 Biggest Technology Mistakes of 2006
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/35OD

ron_stott@yahoo.com
Click here: Cynthia Turner's Cynopsis - Welcome to Cynopsis!
http://cynopsis.com/
Cynopsis is a free daily trade publication for the television industry that launched on April 2, 1997, as a
simple internal memo. It is published by 530am ET each weekday morning. Today, we have three daily early morning
editions - Cynopsis, Cynopsis: Kids and Cynopsis: International & Multi-Cultural Edition, sent via email to a
combined total subscriber base of more than 100,000 in over 25 countries. We also produce a daily video edition
of Cynopsis - handily located right on this page; and each edition has its own audio version as well, also available here.
And finally, we publish a weekly - Cynopsis: Weekender, which comes out on Thursday mornings and gives you
a little more to chew on over the weekend. The links on this home page can take to you all of the different editions of
Cynopsis as well as their supporting ad sales media kits. You'll also find its easy to subscribe, unsubscribe or change
your subscription by hovering the mouse over the Subscribe tab above. The daily Video Podcast is here
and ready for you each morning by approx 7am, as are all the audio feeds

v v v v v

*submitted by*
lg1@tampabay.rr.com

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband:
"I look horrible, and I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

He never heard the shot...

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Granny B 132

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business. Several
members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the
town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several
others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's
house... walked home... and left it there all night.

v v v v v

Q: What do my wife and an ironing board have in common?

A: It's difficult to get their legs opened.

v v v v v

Woman's Best Friend

'women writers on the dogs in their lives'
edited by Megan Morris

They may be known as man's best friend, but as the writers in this poignant, funny, and dramatic collection know,
there's no gender divide when it comes to canines. Whether walking down the street, gathering at the dog park, hitting
the open road, or spending one too many nights together on the couch in front of the TV, a woman and her dog are an
enduring pair. And there are many who consider their dogs to be members of their family and
themselves to be full-fledged dog moms, even if they're single.

I really enjoyed this book -- some laughs and a few tears. If you love dogs you'll
understand so much of the emotion most these ladies have for their dogs.
I really do recommend this book!

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered
herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she
openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a
professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish
desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day, while home from school, she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on
the rich and advocating for the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity
proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father and that there was no other way that
it could be fair for a few to have it all and the poor to have so little.. He
responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was
tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which
left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a
boyfriend, and didn't really have too many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is you friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by.
All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus,
college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't
even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0
off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA
and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair!
I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has
done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I have worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, " Honey, Welcome to the Republican Party."

v v v v v

v v v v v

Two businessmen were talking about good places to have lunch. One said, "Maxie's is a wonderful place
for lunch. You go in for lunch and everyone says 'hello', immediately a delicious sandwich and a cold beer are
set up on the bar for you. That's followed by several more cold beers and it's all 'on the house'. They have music
and you get to dance a bit and then you go into a back room and have wonderful sex. When it's time for you
to leave, the bartender gives you a twenty dollar bill and invites you to come back anytime."

The other man says, "You've got to be kidding. I find that really hard to believe. Do you go there often?"

"No," his friend replies, "actually I've never been there but my sister goes every noon."

v v v v v

Saw a commercial for Cialis. The end of their
commercials always have some "warnings" about using
it. One of their warnings stated something like
'erections lasting more than 4 hours may need
immediate medical attention'.

I can see this guy going to an emergency room and
saying "I've got a hard on that won't go away!"

"Well sir, would you like to see a doctor?"

"No, maybe a nurse or two."

v v v v v

Click here: Introduction to Wireless Network Security
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ZZ1
Security for you in 6 easy steps

Click here: Is your PC a zombie?
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ZZ2
In The Night of the Living Dead, zombies sucked brain matter in a frenzied hunger. In the computer world, a Trojan can
be used to turn your PC into its own computing matter - turning it into a zombie machine. Once under the control
of such an illicit program, the Trojan can be accessed by attackers intent on any number of ominous deeds. Trojans
have the same right on the system as does the logged in user. In other words, if the user can, the Trojan can. This
includes deleting or modifying files, installing other software, uninstalling software, or sending sensitive password and
login information to a remote attacker. Computers affected by Trojans can be used to launch attacks against targeted
Internet sites. By having thousands of computers accessing the same site at the same moment, the site servers
can sometimes become overwhelmed and may no longer be able to process requests.

v v v v v

Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up Yours.'

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and
inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his
word, he made contact.

"Mary . . Mary "

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to
the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice.
I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much
all afternoon. After supper, I romp around the golf course again. Then
have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred -- surely you must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

v v v v v

With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider.

Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion.

v v v v v

Click here: CookingByNumbers.com
http://www.cookingbynumbers.com/
Vodka jelly?

What's that Red Spot on My Yolk?

Contrary to what most people believe, blood spots inside a raw
egg are not a sign that the egg was fertilized. They are usually
the result of a blood vessel rupturing on the surface of the
yolk. The spot doesn't affect flavor, and the egg is perfectly
safe to eat. You can remove the blood spot with the tip of a
knife, but you don't need to do so.

For more information like this, get a copy of Cooking Basics For
Dummies, 3rd Edition [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productC
d-0764572067.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Bryan Miller and Marie Rama.

v v v v v

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall,
and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."

v v v v v

Realizing that their home just wasn't big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny's
parents discussed moving to a bigger one. Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents,
then piped in, "It's no use. He'll just follow us anyway."

v v v v v

In case of fire do not use elevator -- use water

v v v v v

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a
couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I
am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

v v v v v

Click here: Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml

v v v v v

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose
wives think they are out having fun.

v v v v v

The Top 6 Signs Your Co-Workers Are Out to Get You

6> Jenkins in Accounting has requested that your next budget
   presentation be in mime.

5> There's a big red "X" on the floor in your cubicle, and it
   looks like some of the ceiling tiles have been moved.

4> "Don't forget: Friday is Bathing Suit Day."

3> They've loaded loads of porn on my computer. That's my story
   and I'm sticking with it.

2> Your assigned user ID is "SpamBox."

   and the Number 1 Sign Your Co-Workers Are Out to Get You...

1> Special intercom so you can bother the CEO any time you have a
   pressing issue with the copier.

v v v v v

Internet Explorer 6 will automatically delete temporary files, but only if you tell it to. Start the browser,
select Tools / Internet Options… and Advanced, go down to the Security area and check the
box to Empty Temporary Internet Files folder when browser is closed.

v v v v v

A man was complaining to a friend, "I had it all
- money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of
a beautiful woman... then, poof! It was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"My wife found out..."

v v v v v

Driving our family to a new restaurant, I took several wrong
turns. When I finally found the right road, I asked my
husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"

"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You
always know where you're going when I'm driving."

v v v v v

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'l never understand
how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
GuffieBaby

v v v v v

My husband Brian is a computer systems administrator. He is dedicated
to his job and works long hours, rarely taking time off for meals.

One afternoon, Brian was overwhelmed with solving computer network
problems, so I decided to deliver a meal for him to eat at his workstation.

When I was getting ready to leave, I said good-bye and reminded him to
eat his burger and fries while they were still warm.

Staring at his monitor, he waved me away. "Don't worry," he said,
obviously distracted, "I'll delete them in a few minutes."

v v v v v

Everyone should drive musically: C-Sharpe or B-Flat

v v v v v

There are some days I practice positive thinking,
and other days I'm not positive I am thinking.

v v v v v

Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he
felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?"
he asked the salesperson.

"That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser.

The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just
stick this button in your ear and run this little string down
to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" , asked Morris.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But
when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

v v v v v

It seems that the fellow who produced the "Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon" movie also did "Brokeback Mountain",
which is now being renamed: "Crouching Cowboy, Hidden Sausage."

Just thought you should know.

v v v v v

Click here: GH Reports on TV: Best Cell Phones for Children (October 2006)
http://magazines.ivillage.com/goodhousekeeping/ghtv/ghitests/spc/0,,643443_702067,00.html
Some manufacturers have introduced models with GPS locator chips, which let you pinpoint the exact location of your
child's phone. Wherify's Wherifone ($99.95 plus $19.95 monthly service fee; 877-943-7439; wherify.com), for example,
lets you track the location of your child's cell through a secure Website or by phone. Plus, there are five
programmable buttons, so you can control which numbers your kid calls.
Don't need tracking capabilities? Check out these other child-friendly cell phone models: The Firefly ($100 with a
prepaid calling plan or $50 with a two-year Cingular contract; 866-246-48527; cingular.com) is best for kids age eight to
10. The phone lets users dial and receive calls from up to 22 preprogrammed numbers. It also has a missed-call log and 12 ring tones.
The Verizon Wireless LG Migo ($80 with a two-year Verizon Wireless contract; 800-922-0204; verizonwireless.com)
lets kids reach trusted adults in a hurry. Children can call five numbers that you preprogram onto automatic dial
buttons. But the phone accepts all incoming calls, making it accessible to strangers.

v v v v v

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

v v v v v

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet.

v v v v v

A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp
steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom
instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel
of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a
heading, and the young fellow holds to it.

Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."

Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the
young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.

The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm
swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the
circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"

v v v v v

OK, it's official. I'm getting old.

The other day I was
walking back to my car from the grocery store. Coming into
the store was this smoking hot 19, maybe 20 year old, blonde.
God, she was hot.

My thought? "I wonder what her mother looks like.

v v v v v

Click here: Haunted Places and Ghost Tours - Western United States
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ZTw
Did you like telling ghost stories as a kid? Enjoy a good scary movie? The West is full of ghosts
and haunted houses, and these are a few of my favorites. -- California ghost tours!

Top 10: haunted hotels
Not afraid of ghosts? Head to our top picks for haunted hotels for a
spine-tingling getaway.

1. Farnsworth House Inn, Gettysburg, Pa.
2. St. James Hotel, Cimarron, N.M.
3. Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast, Fall River, Mass.
4. The Menger Hotel, San Antonio, Texas
5. Stanley Hotel, Estes Park, Colo.
6. Lemp Mansion Restaurant & Inn, St. Louis, Mo.
7. Rosario Resort and Spa, Orcas Island, Wash.
8. Buxton Inn, Granville, Ohio
9. Crescent Hotel & Spa, Eureka Springs, Ark.
10. Wyndham Bourbon Orleans Hotel

v v v v v

A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The
agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"

"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in
two of my ribs, and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."

"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent.

"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!"

v v v v v

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of
your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right
staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To cuss out staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed
in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0

v v v v v

They probably won't ever make a porno movie
where the girls from "The Waltons" meet the
girls from "Eight is Enough" and have sex
with them. But you never know until you
take hostages and they listen to your demands.
(Bob Van Voris)

I'm not sure if my fellow parishioners
are annoyed more by my falling asleep and
snoring during the sermons or my usually
waking up sporting fresh wood and a small
garment stain from my wet dreams. Maybe
I just wasn't cut out to be a priest after all.
(Fazer)

I don't think there could ever be
a Planet of the Dogs movie like
there was a Planet of the Apes.
Let's face it: No species that can
lick its own balls is going to have
enough free time take over the world.
(Brad Wilkerson)

I used to consider myself a member of
the Mile High Club until I learned that
masturbating in Denver doesn't count.
(Tom Sullivan)

My neighbor died in his locked garage last
night. When I asked the cop what did him
in, he said "ass fixation." Holy cow, I
better start deleting my porn right now!
Kristian Idol

v v v v v

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot
horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his
dining room table. He offered some to a guest,
who took a big spoonful.

When the guest finally was able to speak, he
gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach
hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who
passed out a sample of it."

v v v v v

"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."

Yiddish Proverb

v v v v v

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

v v v v v

v v v v v

*submitted by*
WaltWiso

All the obits written about Saddam were incomplete. All left out a
Complete listing of all his surviving sons and daughters, a corrected
paragraph follows:

He was predeceased by two sons, Uday and Qusay, and is survived by 15 sons:
Sooflay, a restauranteur; Guday, who lives in Australia; Huray, a sports fanatic; Sashay, who is gay;
Kuntay and Kintay, twins living in Africa; Sayhay, a baseball player; Ojay, a stalker and murderer; Gulay, a singer and
entertainer; Ebay, an Internet entrepreneur; Biliray, a country music star; Ecksray, a radiologist; Puray, a manufacturer
of kitchen blenders; Raygay, who lives in Jamaica; and Tupay, who is bald, and by seven daughters: Lattay, a
coffee-shop owner; Bufay, a big eater; Dushay, owner of a feminine-care-products company; Phayray, an
actress; Sapheway, a grocery store owner; Ollay, who lives in Mexico; and Gudlay, a prostitute.

There is reportedly another surviving son, Oyvay, but he has been disowned by the family.

Udontsay

v v v v v

Click here: Orisinal.com - Apple Season
http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g2/applegame.htm
Hmmm I better practice a bit more for this one - it's very simple. Catch the apples
in your basket

Click here: Dr. Blob's Organism - Windows File of the Day
http://windows.fileoftheday.com/archives/games_dr_blobs_organism.html
Holy Cytoplasm! It's bedlam in Dr. Blob's lab! Help contain a pesky organism that's growing out of control in
its Petri dish. Many weapons and power-ups add to your arsenal, but be careful! The nucleus has
a will of its own. Enjoy hours of fun with this frantic arcade shooter.

Click here: Lotus Deluxe - Windows File of the Day
http://windows.fileoftheday.com/archives/games_lotus_deluxe.html
Escape to a whirling world of puzzling fun in Lotus Deluxe!
Whirlpools are swallowing all the lotus flowers, to the dismay of the water nymphs. Scan the flowers
for identical matches and remove them before they fall into the spinning current.
This enchanting challenge features charming graphics, more than 75 levels, and two
game modes. Take a break with this refreshing diversion today!

v v v v v

After more than five years of study, the Food
and Drug Administration has concluded that
cloned livestock is safe to eat and "virtually
   indistinguishable" from conventional livestock.

The Top 20 Companies Selling Cloned Food

20> McDouble's

19> Dolly Farms

18> Reincarnation Milk

17> WeHOP

16> Ben and Ben and Ben and Ben and Jerry's

15> Dairy Gene

14> Repeet's Coffee

13> Chromosomaha Steaks

12> Newman's Clone

11> Aunt Jemutant

10> Jack in the Tube

9> Splycin' Farms

8> Iamyous

7> I Can't Believe It's Not Beef Made From a Cow and Bull Humping!

6> I'mBack Steakhouse

5> Oscar Erlenmyer

4> M&Mbryos

3> Klonedike Bars

2> Campbell's Dupe

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Company Selling Cloned Food...

1> Ditto Lay

v v v v v

“Look at this mess!” roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut.

“It’s just as you ordered it, sir,” the waitress replied meekly.
"You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it.”

v v v v v

Click here: Product Catalog
https://store6.esellerate.net/store/checkout/CustomLayout.aspx?s=STR9241648180&pc=&page=OnePageCatalog.htm

It's more than just music. Learn to utilize all features of you iPod and iTunes. Whether you're a complete
beginner or a seasoned pro, we provide practical advice and advanced iPod techniques that you can put into use right now.
You'll learn how to import music from CDs, cassette tapes, and LPs without compromising on sound quality. As your
music library starts to grow, you'll find smart strategies for organizing and managing your music files so you
can find exactly what you want--or discover some unexpected pairings. But iTunes isn't just about music anymore. We've also
got the inside scoop on downloading podcasts, video blogs, and TV shows, or if you prefer, converting video from your own
DVD collection for playback on your video iPod. Speaking of iPods, we've got plenty of tips and tricks for taking advantage of
their lesser known powers (need an alarm clock while on the road?), as well as squeezing out extra battery life. We'll
also show you how to protect your music library from potential disaster, and how to troubleshoot potential problems
before they turn into disasters. Best of all, every chapter is filled with smart ideas and time-saving strategies
so you can spend less time managing your music more time enjoying it.

v v v v v

The day after playing in a National League hockey game, my friend Simon was driving around an
unfamiliar city. He stopped by the side of the road to study his map, and a passerby offered to help. "You lost?"

Flattered by the apparent recognition, Simon replied, "No, we won 5-4."

v v v v v

The band was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The highschoolers, eager to
get ready for the first football game, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Little
Johnny, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect,
and then he stomped on it to ensure its fate.

"Is it a bee?" Another student asked.

"Nope," Johnny replied. "Bee flat."

v v v v v

One of our family's superstitions is that if a fork is dropped, we'll have a lady visitor; if a knife, a man; if a spoon,
a child. One evening my five-year-old daughter was drying silverware and I had put the tray close to her on the
counter. Suddenly I heard the awful crash of all the silverware hitting the floor.

"Mommy!" she cried in excitement, "we're going to have a party!"

v v v v v

Tip #2683 - Explorer.exe Error
Erin - worldstart.comb

Q:
I just upgraded to Windows XP and I keep getting an explorer.exe error. How can I stop it?

A:
This is a common error to receive if you, like you said, have just upgraded from an older Windows operating system.
This message usually only appears when you first log in to the new version, but it could stick around if you don't fix
it right away. The error probably says something like "Explorer.exe has generated errors
and will be closed by Windows." If that sounds familiar, keep reading!
This error can be caused by a number of things, but it's been found that it's mostly caused by a Norton CleanSweep
program that may have been installed on your computer in the previous operating system. There are a few
methods you can use to resolve this issue and they are explained below.

Method One
After you receive the error message, immediately press Ctrl + Alt + Del to open the Task Manager. Once in there,
click on the New Task button, type "control" in the box and press Enter on your keyboard. This will then open the
Control Panel. Click on the Add/Remove Programs link and a list of all your currently installed programs will appear.
Find the one that says CleanSweep and then click on the Change/Remove button. Then just remove the CleanSweep
program and restart your computer. You shouldn't have any other problems
with the explorer.exe error again after doing this.

Method Two
When you see the error message, restart your computer and when you see the boot menu, press F8 on your keyboard.
This will bring up the options to start your computer in safe mode. Next, choose the Safe Mode Command Prompt
option. Log in to your computer and then type "appwiz.cpl" in the available box and press Enter on your keyboard.
This will then open the Add/Remove Programs Wizard. You will see a list of the programs you have already installed
on your computer. Click on CleanSweep and then on the Change/Remove button.
Remove CleanSweep from your computer and then restart.

Method Three
Once the error message comes up on your screen, restart your computer and when you see the boot menu, press F8
on your keyboard to go into safe mode. Select the Safe Mode Command Prompt option. Next, find the %SystemRoot%\System32 folder.
This is also typically called the C:\WINNT\System32 folder. Open that folder and find the file that is titled Apitrap.dll. Right
click on that file and choose Rename. Then type in Apitrap.old as its new name. Then just restart your computer.
Choose whatever method is best for you to solve the explorer.exe problem. The first method is probably the easiest,
so you may want to try that one before you do anything else. Once you're done, you'll
be error free (well, at least with this one!) : )

v v v v v

Boxing great Jake LaMotta said of his old friend Gerry
Cooney: "There's nothing I won't do for him, and there's
nothing he won't do for me. So we go through life doing
nothing for each other."

v v v v v

If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
WaltWiso

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the
game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just
couldn't understand why they were killing each other
over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then
for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

v v v v v

Click here: One Little Moment
http://www.spiritisup.com/onelittlemomentlh.html

Click here: 10 Steps to Get Over a Breakup -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT03/06/08/15/ALT03060815-02.html
It may feel like the end of the world when your partner walks out, but there are ways to rebuild
your life. Here, some techniques to help you get through the pain.

Click here: Relationship Tips - Love Advice - Dating Tips - Weddings & Marriage
http://www.lifetips.com/channels/10/relationship-love/index.html
Tips on love

v v v v v

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in
baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

v v v v v

The Top 20 Things Overheard on Valentine's Day

20> "A stuffed teddy bear, holding a heart? How utterly original."

19> "I now stand corrected -- there is *one* gift a woman does
   *not* prefer to come in a small package."

18> "The jeweler said you'd never notice. Of course, he also said
   he needed to move to another street corner because the cops
   were closing in."

17> "How did you find a stuffed animal that looks exactly like
   the neighbor's cat?"

16> "Troop levels aren't the only thing surging, baby."

15> "It's like a cosmic convergence -- Valentines Day and
   Hump Day occurring simultaneously!"

14> "Really? Half the chocolates are missing? That darn global    warming!"

13> "Everyone *else* gives chocolate hearts for Valentine's Day,
   but I love you so much I went out and got you the real thing.
   It's not easy finding a cow heart, you know."

12> "I *did* get you roses. I just skipped the middleman and sent
   them to your divorce lawyer."

11> "Technically, the lingerie doesn't make your ass look fat --
   the chocolate hearts do that."

10> "Charles, I want you to take off *all* my clothes. You really
   don't look that good in lace."

9> "They were all out of roses, so I got you a dozen eggs instead."

8> "I don't understand it either, honey. It was smokin' hot on
   the Victoria's Secret model."

7> "Tipper, I hope you like that latex catsuit -- it cost me all
   my carbon credits!"

6> "I said send it *FTD* -- not STD!"

5> "These aren't candy hearts. They're Tums!"
"I know. It means, 'You make me sick.'"

4> "Thank you for calling Lonely Singles Hotline, Mr. White.
   Happy Valentine's Day!"

3> "You had me at 'a dozen red roses will get you oral.'"

2> "No, not exactly... but I really, really LUST you."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard on Valentine's Day...

1> "Sweetheart, guess what? I may be the father of Anna Nicole's daughter!"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click here: Flurries of Smiles
http://asandboxgreeting.com/flurriesofsmiles.html

Click here: Knowing you're my friend
http://www.angel9oh7.com/knowingyouremy.html

Click here: Emergency Friendship System
http://mysthillarium.com/anthology/emergency.htm

Click here: Girlfriends Part 2
http://mysthillarium.com/anthology/girlfriends2.htm

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Granny B 132

"I want to make love to you," he said simply.

"Not tonight, dear. I have a headache."

The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and
explained that he wanted to make love with her.

"I'm awfully tired, honey," said his wife,"not tonight."

Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his
wife's answer was a resounding NO.

Finally, he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around
their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable, Jerry," she
exclaimed. "but what are they for?"

"These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."

v v v v v

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was
sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say
that before, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute."

The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
"cute." She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."

v v v v v

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and
meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs.
Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said,
"Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the
same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton". The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs.
Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away. The third Day, the same man
approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, "I
would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine,
understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir,
this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs.
Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs.Clinton is not the
President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow"

v v v v v

BETTER THAN SEX CAKE

INGREDIENTS:
1 German chocolate cake mix
1 can sweetened and condensed milk (I use Eagle brand)
1 jar caramel ice cream topping
1 8 ounce container of Cool Whip
6 ounces crushed Heath bar
6 ounces crushed plain Hershey bar

DIRECTIONS:
Bake cake as directed in 9x13 pan. Take the handle of a
wooden spoon and poke holes all over the cake while it's
still warm. Pour can of condensed milk over warm cake, then
repeat with caramel topping. Refrigerate for 6 hours. Frost
cake with Cool Whip topping and sprinkle with crushed
Heath and Hershey bars. Serve immediately.

v v v v v

Click here: Dliveo Beta
http://www.dliveo.com/
Who can deny that taking videos and digital pictures is a lot of fun? For some of us, it is simply addictive.
But the fun ends when it comes time to share huge files. E-mail is simply no good for this. There are
Web sites that will transfer files for you, but there's no way to track files.
Enter Dliveo. You can download the program in a snap. Then, you can queue up your files to send to friends and family.
The software will follow the progress of your files, so you'll know when the recipient gets them. No more worrying!
Now, the person who's receiving the file also needs to install Dliveo. So, if you want to use Dliveo to share with friends
and family, send them a copy of this newsletter. That way, they can install the program, too

Click here: Download PowerPoint Viewer 2003 - It lets you view full-featured presentations created in PowerPoint 97 and later
http://www.softpedia.com/get/Office-tools/Other-Office-Tools/PowerPoint-Viewer.shtml
This viewer lets you view .pps files if you so desire

Click here: Mz Ultimate Tweaker (exe), from Mz Apps - Free Downloads on ZDNet | Shareware, Trialware, Evaluation Software
http://downloads.zdnet.com/download.aspx?docid=259269&promo=100200
Through a friendly interface and equipped with the most powerful (speed) tweaks, Mz Ultimate Tweaker will try to stop
crashes and gain your computer's reactivity. You can also speed up your Internet connection speed, by pushing one of
Auto Optimize buttons. Now, reach the ultimate performance. Version 3 may include Code Rewritten
To Optimize The Speed And The Effectivity Of The Program. Rebuild GUI.

v v v v v

My wife had caught mononucleosis at work, and for weeks
we had played cards at night, instead of doing something
more intimate. After about the sixth week of this, I
asked her one night, "Wanna play cards again?"

She said, "Yes, of course. I'll get the deck of cards."
She disappeared from the room.

After only a few minutes, she came back wearing a bikini
she'd made from the playing cards. Unbeknownst to me,
she'd been released from the doctor's care that same
afternoon. She just looked at me and asked,

"Wanna shuffle?"

v v v v v

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"

Wife: "I clean the toilet bowl for hours"

Husband: "How does that help?"

Wife: "I use your toothbrush!"

v v v v v

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said "I bet you can't tell me
something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your cock's bigger than your brother's".

v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

v v v v v

A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a
few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and
under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. But the woman
appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am,
but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No he didn't.
He just walked in the door."

v v v v v

Click here: Child Safety - Kid-Proofing Your Car
http://www.automedia.com/KidProofing/Your/Car/ccr20061001kp/1
Finding a gummy worm or collection of worms permanently fused to the rich Corinthian leather of Grandma's
Cordoba, or syrupy soda staining the utilitarian fabric seats of your station wagon is but one of many examples of just
what can happen when kids and cars come together. While completely kid-proofing a vehicle against things spilled,
hurled, tossed and sprayed is one of those "we can send rockets to the moon, but can't protect leather
seats against gummy worms tasks," the best bit of advice is this: remember when.

v v v v v

Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they
want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger
than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance... Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment
trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more
question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far."

v v v v v

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

v v v v v

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
And then you die. What's that? A bonus?
I think the life-cycle is all backwards.
You should die first and get it all over with.
Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young.
You get a gold watch.
You go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy
your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol and party.
You get ready for high school.
You go to grade school and become a kid.
You play. You have no responsibilities.
You become a little baby and go back into the womb.
You spend your last nine months floating...
Then, you finish off as an orgasm. I like it.

v v v v v

Click here: 2007 Rock Hall Nominees Announced
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/Zd5
Five of these artists will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on March 12, 2007: Which five will be
inducted? We won't know that until January. The list of nominees for the Rock Hall's Class of 2007 will now go
out to the 500 or so folks in the music industry who will vote on the five whose time has come.

Click here: Illustrated Discography of The Beatles
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/Zw3
Beatles fans will love this

Click here: Does Bad Grammar Make You Stop Singing Along?
http://grammar.about.com/b/a/000021.htm
Kinda makes my skin crawl to be honest

v v v v v

There was a fire in my neighborhood, and I arrived just in
time to see firefighters carry one of their men out of the
burning house and lower him to a sitting position on the lawn.

Visibly shaken, he took out a cigarette, lit it, and sat
there puffing on it to calm his nerves.

"What happened to that poor guy?" I asked a bystander.

He replied, "Smoke inhalation."

v v v v v

Why Cats Are Better Than Men

A cat always hits the litterbox.

You have a better chance of training a cat.

You never have to spend time with your cat's mother.

If you ask enough times, a cat may actually LISTEN to you.

You can de-claw a cat... try to get a guy to clip his toenails.

It's okay if a cat rubs up against your best friend.

A cat knows you're the key to his happiness... a man thinks He is.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

This is a story about four people named Everybody,
Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody
was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could of done it , but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when
Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

v v v v v

Click here: .:: beedogs ::.
http://www.beedogs.com/index.htm
Beedogs.com is an online repository for pictures of dogs in bee costumes -- hmm

Click here: The Infinite Cat Project - Cats watching felines watching moggies. It's a concept!
http://www.mate1.com/profiles/display/frames/profile_popup?user_id=12820956
It all began innocently enough when a visitor to an Apple forum posted a picture of his cat, Frankie, contemplating
the beauty of a flower. Shortly afterwards another user posted a picture of his cat bristling at the image
of Frankie on the monitor. I decided this was too much fun and advanced the concept as The Infinite Cat Project which is,
simply, cats regarding cats regarding cats in an electronic milieu. If you like this web site then thank your lucky
stars that the world is populated with cats, Macs, and people with wayyyy too much time on their hands.

Click here: Dog Island Free Forever
http://www.thedogisland.com/index.html
Over 2,500 dogs are already enjoying a better life at Dog Island. Separated from the anxieties of urban
life, dogs on Dog Island are healthy dogs who live a natural, healthy and happy life, free from the stress and hardship associated with daily
live among humans. They live with almost limitless space, and tens of thousands of rabbits, rodents, fish and other natural prey. Surrounded by
thousands of other dogs, this is the only place for them to be truly social and create healthy families.
Dogs at Dog Island have another chance. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this! I have asked PETA to check into it.

Click here: Cute Overload! ;)
http://cuteoverload.com/
At Cute Overload™, we scour the Web for only the finest in Cute Imagery. Imagery that is Worth Your Internet
Browsing Time. We offer an overwhelming amount of cuteness to
fill your daily visual allowance. Drink it in!

v v v v v

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and
write down five.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding, on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw Burritos, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his
death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would
have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos
or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

v v v v v

Microchips: What do you get when you cross a computer with a potato?

v v v v v

The Cause
Musty odors: The thick stench that seeps into books, quilts, and maps of the countries you backpacked
through in college is caused by moisture that gets trapped in unventilated spaces, resulting
in mold and mildew that breed odor-causing bacteria.

Water damage: Water damage can cause leaks, and leaks create odors that won't dissipate
until the wet spots — and the source of the damage — are dry.

The Cure
Musty odors: "Activated charcoal reduces odors," says Meredith Montague of Boston's Museum of Fine Arts.
Pour two cups into an airtight bin, prop your items on a showbox in the bin so they don't
touch the powder, seal until fresh, then air them out.

Water damage: Once the source is sealed, ventilate and turn on a dehumidifier,

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Granny B 132

An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and
jogged six miles every day. One morninghe looked into the mirror,
admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the
exception of his penis.

So he decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely, and
buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her
get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with
the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world".

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When
I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I
paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. "Now that I'm
80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

v v v v v

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become
well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

v v v v v

Choosing Bird-Friendly Plants

If you're a gardener or plan to landscape your yard, consider planting species that provide both food
and shelter to birds. Think of these species as bed and breakfast (B&B) plantings for birds.

Some of the more popular B&B plants include:

* Annuals: amaranthus (Amaranthus sp.), coreopsis
(Coreopsis sp.), cosmos (Cosmos sp.), marigold (Tagetes
sp.), sunflower (Helianthus sp.), zinnia (Zinnia sp.)

* Perennials: aster (Aster sp.), black-eyed Susan
(Rudbeckia sp.), goldenrod (Solidago sp.), purple
coneflower (Echinacea purpurea), and many grasses such
as little bluestem (Andropogon)

* Shrubs: sumac (Rhus sp.), elderberry (Sambucus sp.),
viburnum (Viburnum sp.), boxwood (Buxus sp.)

* Small trees: holly (Ilex sp.), serviceberry(Amelanchier
sp.), dogwood (Cornus sp.)

* Fruiting trees and shrubs: blueberry (Vaccinium sp.),
cherry (Prunus sp.), crab apple (Malus sp.), hawthorn
(Crataegus sp.), mountain ash (Sorbus sp.), spicebush
(Lindera), sassafras (Sassafras), and black gum (Nyssa
sylvatica)

For more information like this, get a copy of Bird Watching For
Dummies [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764550403.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Bill Thompson III and the Editors of Bird Watcher's Digest.

v v v v v

At his wife's insistence, Goldberg finally went to his doctor for
a check up.

"You look terrible," said the doctor. "Do you drink?"

"Why yes, plenty." said Goldberg.

"I start every day with a bottle of schnapps."

"And with that cough," the doctor continued, "you probably are
a smoker."

"You bet," said Goldberg, "Three packs a day for me."

"Look Mr. Goldberg," the doctor said. "You are not a healthy
man. You're going to have to give up smoking and drinking right
away, and that's an order. And before you go, that'll be $50 for
my advice."

Goldberg replies, "So who's taking it?"

v v v v v

I think congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so
we could identify their corporate sponsors.

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A blonde is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly
the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the
radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back:

"Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First,
I need you to give me your height and position."

"I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!"

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Refresh It
Erin - worldstart.com

We all use our desktops quite often when we're working on our computers, don't we? I mean, that's where all of our
icons are placed, that's where we can change our desktop themes, our wallpaper designs and our screen saver
choices. And that's just the beginning of what we use the desktop for. There's so much to be done
on the desktop, we just can't take the chance of it not working right.

What am I talking about? Well, every once in awhile, desktops do freeze up. You could be working in a right click menu
and when you're done with it, instead of it disappearing like it normally does, it will stay on your screen. Sometimes this
happens when we're trying to double click on an icon as well. Has that ever happened to you?
Hopefully you know a little better of what I'm referring to now.

So, what can you do to "unfreeze" the desktop? Well, if you have a right click menu open, just click on Refresh.
The desktop will go back to its normal state. If you're having trouble with something else, go ahead and right click.
The same menu will pop up and you can select Refresh from there. There's always a way to turn
things around! So, go ahead and give your desktop a refresh!

v v v v v

With his platoon at attention, the drill instructor yelled,
"All right! All you dummies fall out!"

As the rest of the recruits walked away, one man remained at
attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-ball
to eye-ball with the man, raising just a single eyebrow.

The recruit smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, Sir?"

v v v v v

The Super Bowl coverage is dominated by commercials for beer
and now, sexual performance drugs for men. If guys didn't drink
so much beer, they wouldn't need the sexual performance drugs.

v v v v v

Judi Dench was nominated for her role as a mean lesbian. Even if
she doesn't win the Academy Award, she has a standing offer to join
"The View."

David Letterman

v v v v v

Adding Thai Food to the Diabetic Diet

Thai food is a good choice for people with diabetes. It is cooked
with little fat because stir-frying is the method of choice. Thai
cooking keeps the meat, fish, and poultry to small quantities,
thus providing taste rather than bulk, as in a Western diet. The
dipping sauces have strong tastes, so they're used in very small
quantities, minimizing the salt and sugar in the diet. Vegetables
are eaten in larger quantities. At the end of the meal Thais
enjoy fruits like mango, pineapple, guava, and papaya, which
provide fiber, vitamins, and minerals.

Load up on knowledge with Diabetes Cookbook For Dummies, 2nd
Edition [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764584502.html?cid=etipBookLink ],
by Alan Rubin, MD.

v v v v v

In a series of TV interviews this morning, Hillary Clinton said her
favorite movie as a little girl was "Wizard of Oz." Her favorite
movie in college was "Casablanca." Then, after she got married,
it was "Kill Bill.?

Jay Leno

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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been
canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical
fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it
bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well
we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we
can run?"

v v v v v

Go on. Add some variety to your sex life; use the other hand!

v v v v v

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These are funny!!

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http://www.edreadling.com/duhhh.html
Why mechanics like to deal with women

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v v v v v

What's hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet in the middle,
starts with a C and ends with a T ?

A coconut.

v v v v v

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times.
He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but
you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out. You
only have 30 erections left in your penis."

The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at
the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem.

He tells her what the doc told him.

She says, "Oh no! Only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that!
We should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home.
Sorry, your name isn't on it."

v v v v v

A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that
with each movement of his pelvis, his partner's toes would rise.

Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower,
her toes remained still.
Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go
up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?"

"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"

v v v v v

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Okay guys, listen up and listen up good. I know sometimes your testosterone gets the best of you. You have sexual
needs and you want them met today. Not just today, right now in fact. Your idea of seducing
a woman is to take her clothes off as quickly as possible.

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Everyone has a special skill, whether it is humor, musical ability, drawing skills, or athletic prowess. Think about
your number one strength and incorporate it into your dating arsenal. If you can play the
piano like Billy Joel, it won't matter if you don't look like Brad Pitt.

v v v v v

Heaven is when you have barrels of beer and tons of girls.
Hell is when you find out that the barrels have holes and
the girls don't!

v v v v v

Paris, France
February 2, 2007

Groundhog Day - Not to be outdone by the Americans, UN officials held
their own Groundhog Day.

In their own Groundhog Day ceremony, the Intergovernmental Panel on
Climate Change (IPCC), tying in reports on global warming, announced
that there would be six more weeks of winter...

... followed by 1000 years of summer.

v v v v v

Click here: Free Beauty Tips And Samples
http://www.free-beauty-tips.com/
Free-Beauty-Tips.com offers tips about a variety of topics such as hair care, skin care, make up, blemish removal,
and many others that will help you highlight your natural beauty. Perfect beauty is an elusive concept, but if you can
feel good about yourself by enhancing your looks, you may find more joy in your life.

Click here: Soul Purpose :: Life, Faith, Music, SmallTalk » The Secrets of Female Friendship
http://www.soulpurpose.co.nz/life/relationships/the-secrets-of-female-friendship/
It is true that as girls, one of our deepest strengths is our ability to be really good at friendship. It goes right back
to the way that God created us. When God made Eve He called her an “ezer” in Hebrew, which has often been
translated as “helper”. But the true meaning of the word means to “to protect, surround, defend, cherish”. This word, “ezer”
is used in the Bible 14 times to describe God, and it is only used one other time - to describe Woman (Michele Guiness
is amazing on this. See Woman: the Full Story, p.33-34). This is how we, as girls,
are created in the image of God, our enabler and our strength.
I think this explains why in female friendships we enable each other; we build each other up, encourage, honour and
cherish each other. I got some of my homegirls together to talk about what they love about our friendships:

Click here: Success Is Contagious – Catch Some Today!
http://rd.bcentral.com/?ID=4661834&s=53622189
Attention, ladies! Don’t let yesterday’s negative perceptions dim your financial hopes. In case
you haven’t heard, financial stars are on the rise for today’s woman.
Almost half of Americans with assets greater than $500,000 are women, and women control more than
half of the private wealth in America. Women hold almost 50% of all corporate management positions
with an increasing number moving into top jobs and serving on corporate boards.
In the past ten years, women have started their own companies at twice the national average rate. These
women-owned businesses generate annual sales near $2.5 trillion and employ more than 19 million people. Numbers
like these tell us that women have the power to make their dreams come true.

v v v v v

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

v v v v v

The Top 10 Valentine's Day Sex Cards

10> Roses are red, violets are blue.
As blue as my balls, after an evening with you.

9> I bought you the chocolates,
I bought you the pearl.
Now shut up and ride me,
Reverse-cowgirl.

8> I polished the chains, and now you've dared mess 'em.
(God, how I love all this BDSM.)

7> There once was a man from Decatur,
Whose girl disappeared when he ate her.
   "No matter", said he.
   "She'll be back -- wait and see.
Takes a minute while I reinflate her."

6> My love for you is endless,
It truly has no measure.
And if you had a telescope,
Like me, you'd see my pleasure.

5> Your skin is near flawless.
So luscious, those lips.
And your hoo-hah's the best,
'Cept maybe Lindsay's and Brit's.

4> The world would be my oyster
If I could make you moister.
I'd feast upon your bearded clam
And always I would thank you, ma'am.
But I'll throw you back into the sea
If your crabs try hitching rides on me.

3> Valentine, I would gladly pay you Tuesday for
a furburger today!

2> I gave to you a brand new car,
A shiny Geo Prizm.
Now how about you do me right
And drain me of my jism?

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Valentine's Day Sex Card...

1> Though I'm lousy with poetic line,
I truly love you, Valentine.
It makes me feel so very fine
When my penis enters your vagine.
Uh.

v v v v v

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.   Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern
United States crops and livestock.   Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.   Couple petitions court to reinstate
heterosexual marriage.   Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq ,
Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).   Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity
decreases to safe levels.   France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica .   Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban
cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.   George Z. Bush says he will run for
President in 2036.   Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.   Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.   Japanese scientists
have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.   Massachusetts executes
last remaining conservative.   Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.   Average height of NBA players
is now nine feet, seven inches.   New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up
newspapers must be registered by January 2036.   Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign
accounts.   IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.   Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.   Now, send this
to whoever you want to and as many as you want and guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely
nothing, except you might make someone smile.   God Bless America

v v v v v


Click here: The Life Of A Penis - Another Rib-Tickler from Tiggy's Rib-Ticklers!
http://www.tiggysribticklers.com/tig306.htm

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What's he doing? Adjusting himself?

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Hehehe

Click here: ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day *
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v v v v v

Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

v v v v v

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind

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©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

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