Welcome
to
Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Artists: GuysBabi, PmsZone, SPerry8231
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: KatieScarlett
Happy VD!
This is fair warning to all of you guys and gals to remember your 'sweetie' on Valentines Day!
You know, it's not just for the gals out there! So hop to it -- and while
you are shopping online (through this website of course) be sure and send me
something sweet - - not that I'm not already sweet, but a little more
couldn't hurt right? Just my hips where I might as well smear it on there because that
is exactly where the chocolate would end up!
Ok, my chocolate cravings aside, let's see what DebsCupid has found for you this week:
Oh - hey! Sure would appreciate you taking a minute out of your day to
write us and let us know how we're doing -- I really do
read each and every single email you send in - so get those fingers
going! ---> DebsSweet@aol.com
In case you enjoy auctions on EBay or maybe you haven't tried it yet, you'll find some
helpful tips in the CHECK IT OUT section below.
From the ever-hilarious Shiny Happy Head comes this cool tip: ( AOL only: Keyword:
MovieLink - movie downloads at an 80% savings! Limited Time Offer y'all )
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, DebsSweet@aol.com and your request will be handled promptly.
Be careful when surfing the Internet! I have checked each link submitted and they are in working
order as of this date. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus software.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you
cause darlin', it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!
"HELLO DEAR FRIEND,,
I HAVE JUST MOVED AND GOT ANOTHER E-MAIL ADDRESS.......CAN YOU RE- SUBSCRIBE
ME TO YOUR MOST FABULOUS NEWS-ZINE?
THANKS,,,,HAVE MISSED YOU
JACK JACKSON"
RJackson13@mygalaxyexpress.com
"KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ON THE NEWS LETTER. IT IS GREAT"
BadBob4652
"PLEASE SIGN ME UP....I AM SOLD!!!!!!! LOVE THE BLONDE JOKES. PAT of TX"
pat_4681@webtv.net
v v v v v
After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's
boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his
house and confronted his mother.
"It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality
by playing doctor at their age," the neighbor said.
"Sexuality my ass!" The mother yelled. "He took out her appendix!"
v v v v v
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
v v v v v
Sex:
Some Is Good - More Is Better
Too Much Is Just About Right
v v v v v
ioIsland.com - ClearTweak
http://www.ioisland.com/cleartweak/
If you have an LCD monitor or laptop, you may notice that things aren't
as clear as they should or could be. This little application should fix it right up.
ClearTweak changes the contrast in the ClearType setting in Windows XP.
You must have a video adapter and monitor that supports a color setting
of 256 colors. Do not try this on a standard CRT monitor -- it may make it blurry.
*submitted by*
myrnadoman@comcast.net
myFavorites v1.0.15b - Freeware Files.com - Internet Category
http://www.freewarefiles.com/programs.php?ProgramID=6172&categoryid=5&subcategoryid=52
myFavorites - is a program that helps you to store and organize the information you found in the Internet.
myFavorites stores not only the links to the Internet data sources, but also Web page citations
along with your comments. Easy ways of viewing, searching, and managing the stored information make
myFavorites an irreplaceable tool for preparation of a report, article, summaries, and the like
Crazy Browser v1.05
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file_description/0,fid,23119,tk,hsx,00.asp
Crazy Browser lets you check out multiple Web sites at once and spares
you the ads. If multimedia is wasting your time, you can turn that
off, too. Use any of a number of search engines that come with the
program, or use your own. Smart Popup Filter and P3P privacy policy
support help you keep tabs on who you're dealing with. And the
program's tabbed interface lets you open several sites inside one
browser and makes your navigation easier.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her
hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said:
"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything
you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
v v v v v
Adults are just kids who owe money.
v v v v v
Q:
I lose my dial up connection each time I send an email using Outlook
Express. How do I fix this?
A:
OE can be set to hang up after it sends or receives email. This is a great
feature if you have limited monthly hours online, but can be really
annoying if you decide to check your mail while your surfin' the web.
Fortunately this feature can be turned on or off.
Go to Tools / Options, then click the "Connections" tab.
If you want Outlook Express to hang up after sending or checking mail,
check the box. If you DON'T want it to hang up after, just uncheck the box.
NOTE: If you are someone who downloads their email then reads it offline
(hang up after receiving), keep in mind that this can cause you to get a
red X where a graphic should be. We get email from readers all the time
who complain that the pictures are missing from the newsletter. Since our
pictures load from the server, you must be online when reading or printing
to get the pictures.
David
Worldstart.comworlds
v v v v v
*submitted by*
JOHNRHAMBY
I saw in a newspaper ad the other day about a new
erectile dysfunction drug that claims it will allow
a man to last seven times longer than Viagra.
On the same page there was a story about Elizabeth
Dole disappearing and speculation that she
may have gone into hiding.
v v v v v
v v v v v
There was an Indian, a caveman, and a cowboy.
One day they ran out of food and decided to go hunting. The Indian
went out and got a bear, and the caveman and the cowboy said,
"How did you get that?" He said, "Me find tracks me follow
tracks me get bear".
So the next day the cowboy went out and
got a deer, and the caveman said, "How did you get that?"
He replied, "Me find tracks me follow tracks me get deer".
The next day the caveman arrived back from his hunt all
bloody and disfigured. The Indian and cowboy said,
"How did that happen?" And the caveman replied,
"Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me get hit by train".
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
N O G G I N
http://www.noggin.com/
2. Prongo.com is a Fun, Interactive and Educational way to learn for kids.
http://www.prongo.com/
3. Awesome Library - K-12 Education Directory
http://www.awesomelibrary.com/
4. KidsClick! Web Search
http://kidsclick.org/
5. Morgan's Kids World-Fun For Kids-Best Bet On The Net
http://discover-net.net/~mlana/morgans_kids_world.html
Jeannie's Table of Contents
http://www.jeannieshouse.com/
Smithsonian Kids - Collecting
http://kids.si.edu/collecting/
Teddy Bear pages by Gregory Bear, Teddy bear links and more!
http://w1.866.telia.com/~u86607510/index.htm
10 Edible Play Dough Crafts for Busy Little Kids
http://www.thefamilycorner.com/family/kids/crafts/edible_play_dough.shtml
Seussville Games
http://www.seussville.com/games/
v v v v v
Confucious Really Said This . . .
... man with tight trousers, pressing his luck.
... man who throw dirt, losing ground.
... man who fishes in other's holes, get crabs.
... he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
... cow with no legs, ground beef.
... two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
... baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become
shiftless bastard.
... bird in hand, make difficult to blow nose.
... finding old man in dark, not hard.
... it is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for
boy to park meat in girl.
... man who jizz in cash register, come into money.
... man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam.
... man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.
... man who go to bed with itchy asshole, wake with stinky finger.
... learn to masturbate, come in handy.
... war not determine who right, war determine who left.
... naked man fear no pickpocket.
... squirrel who run up woman's leg, not find nuts.
... woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom.
... support bacteria, is only culture some people have.
... man who eat too many jellybean, fart in technicolor.
... man who marry girl with no bust, have right to feel low down.
... man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
... man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
... he who sit on upturned tack, rise above all.
... even greatest of whales, helpless in desert.
... wash face in morning, neck at night.
v v v v v
When short hemlines came back into
fashion, I dug an old miniskirt out
of my closet. I tried it on, but couldn't
figure out what to do with my other leg.
Patricia Dunn
I've heard that the truth will
set you free, but I'm a bigger
fan of frightening the eyewitness
into recanting her testimony.
Tom Sims
Living is easy with eyes closed...
Maybe so, John, but *driving* is a bitch.
Arthur Levesque
I've noticed that every graduating
class has a huge nerd in it.
Except ours, from what I can see.
Doug Sykes
I thought about getting a bidet, but
decided it was cheaper and just as
efficient to do a handstand in the shower.
Pamela Rice Hahn
I'm afraid my cell phone will give me
brain tumors, so now I just use a
headset and set the phone in my lap.
Gary Kee
Is it just me or do they make contact
lens commercials blurry on purpose?
M. Tramdack
v v v v v
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and
his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the
doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates,
that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."
v v v v v
EntirelyPets.com- Pet health products - Rx and
Non-Rx - Free Same Day Shipping!
http://www.entirelypets.com/
Does Your Indoor-Outdoor Cat Need a Litterbox?
Are you intending to be one of those people who never deals with
a litter box at all? Unless you're living on ten acres of your
own private property, we think you should reconsider your
decision and get your cat a litter box.<berakHere>
Letting your cat use the great outdoors as he chooses is unfair
to your neighbors and unhealthy to the people who come in contact
with cat waste in their own flower beds - including members of your own family.
If your cat wanders the neighborhood (not a good idea, but too
often a reality), you need to do what you can to get him to do
his business at home. Keep a litter box clean and accessible to him at all times.
Get the scoop on all the right stuff for your feline family
member with Cats For Dummies, 2nd Edition
[ http://portal.hungryminds.com/etip.asp?topic=dd29&promo=FeaturedTitles&link=www.
dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764552759.html ],
by Gina Spadafori and Paul Pion, DVM, DACVIM.
v v v v v
Morris checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead
cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied, "It's dead.
What's the excitement ? It can't bother you now."
"The dead one doesn't bother me," Morris said.
"It's his pallbearers."
v v v v v
v v v v v
Government Office Rules
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, take a break.
5) If it's the boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, forget it!
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Jrtopcop
Fartimer.com - Funny Greetings, Animations, Fun Pages, and Cute Stuff!
http://www.fartimer.com/naughtyinchurch.shtml
2. VeryFunnyPics.com - Funny Pictures, Comics, and Cartoons
http://www.veryfunnypics.com/cartoons/misc/imagepages/91.htm
LOL
3. Man Claims to Have Married Britney Spears First
http://badjocks.com/man_claims.htm
hehehe
4. MadBlast - Slap Simon Silly
http://www.myfunstart.com/companion/index.cfm?pc=mbptb1
Keep on slapping!
*submitted by*
WMBAAS
LiquidGeneration's Super Bowl Halftime Show
http://www.okayamigo.com/share/member_create_1.php
Lots of truth in this spoof!
StupidVideos • Your Web-Repository of Stupid Videos
http://www.stupidvideos.com/
When I Think Of You
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/butt.shtml
How Fast Food Burgers Are Made
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/burger.shtml
Snap, Crackle, Plop
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/carter11.shtml
If They Mated
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/mated35.shtml
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Baby in a bottle spoof for the warped and fun, drunk, beer drinking, country loving man
http://www.lunacytoons.com/feature.php
2. new2
http://www.lunacytoons.com/sitemap.php
Funny stuff
*submitted by*
WMBAAS
New Page 1
http://www.myshutter.com/flash/Say_something_nice.htm
? the farting dot - its a dot. it farts. its dotfart.com ?
http://www.dotfart.com/
v v v v v
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is
her first pregnancy.
The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain.
How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and
pregnancy to pregnancy...and besides,
it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
v v v v v
v v v v v
Joe was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and
behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his
trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by
the Customs agent at the border. "May I see your
identification, please?" asks the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet", replies Joe.
"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the
border," says the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" exclaims Joe. "I have
a picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a
picture of Bob Dole on the other."
"This I gotta see," replies the agent.
With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the
agent. "By golly, you're right!", exclaims the agent. "Go on
home to Massachusetts."
"Thanks", says Joe, "but how did you know I was from Massachusetts?"
The agent replies, "I saw the picture of Ted Kennedy in between."
v v v v v
PCWorld.com - Will Your Cell Phone Kill You?
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,92444,00.asp
Will your cell phone kill you? A medical researcher who says radiation is a real risk is taking
his crusade online, and searching for more evidence from anyone interested.
This latest warning comes from Dr. George Carlo, an epidemiologist and coauthor of
"Cellphones: Invisible Hazards in the Wireless Age." In a prepared statement at the recent launch
of his Mobile Telephone Health Concerns Registry (MTHCR) site, Carlo asserts that "with medical
science indicating increased risks of tumors, cancer, genetic damage and other health problems
from the use of cellphones, the government and the cellphone industry have abandoned the public."
Continued - at site
Cellular Spam Could Be Banned
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,55144,00.asp
Congress is considering measures to protect cell phone users from location-tracking
technology that some are calling the next "Big Brother."
PCWorld.com - Can You Use Your Cell Phone in Paradise?
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,109328,00.asp
The myriad islands of the southern Pacific Ocean are gradually moving into the age of mobile
phones and Internet access, according to a report released recently by independent
telecommunications analyst Paul Budde
v v v v v
My doctor canceled me as a patient. He said I'd gone too long without
having anything expensive
v v v v v
Why Fishin' Is Better Than Making Love
* When you go fishin' and you catch somethin,' that's good.
If you're making love and you catch somethin,' that's bad.
* Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
* In fishin' you lie about the one that got away.
In lovin' you lie about the one you caught.
* You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie,
and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
* You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler.
If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
* Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishin.'
v v v v v
v v v v v
Stanley and his fiancée Georgette were a modern couple, quite realistic about the state
of marriage these days. They met with the minister of the church to discuss their marriage vows.
"Pastor," said Georgette, "we wonder if we could make a change in the wording of our ceremony."
"Yes, Georgette," replied the pastor, "it is sometimes done. What do you have in mind?"
"Well," said Georgette, "we'd like to alter the 'until death do us part' section to read,
'Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.'"
v v v v v
Strawberry Grand Marnier Cheesecake Dip
1/2 cup Strawberries; Crushed
1/4 cup Walnuts; Finely Chopped
1/4 cup Dark Brown Sugar
1/3 cup Grand Marnier Liqueur
1 cup Cream Cheese; Softened
1 cup Sour Cream
Reserve 1 tbsp. each of the strawberries and walnuts for the garnish. In a small bowl,
mix the strawberries, brown sugar and liqueur. Set aside. Blend the cream cheese and sour
cream until smooth. Add the strawberry mixture, blending well. Fold in the walnuts. Mound
the reserved strawberries in the center and ring with the reserved walnuts.
Cover and chill. Makes about 3 1/2 cups of dip.
v v v v v
Aesop's Fables - Online Collection - 656+ fables -
http://www.aesopfables.com/
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (Project Gutenberg)
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/People/rgs/alice-table.html
American Children's Literature
http://www.yale.edu/ynhti/curriculum/units/1997/2/
Beyond Nancy Drew - A Guide to Girls' Literature in the Sallie Bingham
Center For Women's History and Culture
http://odyssey.lib.duke.edu/women/beyond-nancy-drew.html
v v v v v
Signs That Your Guardian Angel Dislikes You
* As the grand piano crashes right next to you, a voice in the wind whispers, "Dammit!"
* Always starts breakfast chat with "Hey, hotcakes -- I got your syrup right here!"
* After 4 years at Julliard and 12 at the Royal Shakespeare Company, the only acting gig you
can land is as "Dead Crack Ho" in a UPN movie of the week.
* Only after you're committed to the mental hospital
for schizophrenia does she stop using 12 different voices.
* That's too big to be *bird* caca on your shoulder.
* The foie gras at your last cocktail reception was just COMPLETELY unacceptable!
* Every time a bell rings, you involuntarily pass gas.
* You just accidentally rear-ended a car containing Mike Tyson, Latrell Sprewell, Sean Penn, and Mickey Rourke.
* You're out of work, you bang your head every time you get in the car,
and the new Mrs. Rodman nags *AND* snores.
* Devil on your left shoulder: "You can beat the train."
Angel on your right shoulder: "I concur. The locomotive is definitely beatable."
* Pushes you away from a falling piano, but into the path of Rush Limbaugh chasing a Moon Pie truck.
* Shows your dead grandmother in heaven how to watch you spank the monkey.
v v v v v
FunForwards.com - Share some fun with everyone!
http://www.funforwards.com/poems_songs/january02/iloveyou.cfm
Say 'I LOVE YOU' in 87 different languages
Personals & Singles at Mingles.com - Personal Ads, Matchmaking, Dating, Chat
http://www.mingles.com/personals.asp
Welcome to Friendfinder - the leading personals network for dating, romance, marriage, and fun!
http://www.friendfinder.com/go/p2671.subLinks
1LoveLane - The Place to Find Love! - matchmaker, matchmaking, personals, personal ads,
gay, lesbian, chat, personals, datin
http://www.1lovelane.com/
Free Dating Services @ CyberDating
http://www.cyberdating.net/
Dating Services - NoW at Crazy Dates
http://www.crazydates.com/
A Christian Singles Cafe - Site For Single Christians Looking for Love Dating Personals and Dating.
http://www.christiancafe.com/?id=2711
Romance Club Guests
http://www.romanceclub.com/guest/index.html
v v v v v
There are more men than women in mental hospitals - which just goes to show
who's driving whom crazy.
v v v v v
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
v v v v v
A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach.
The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark
red. He walks around a bit and sees that there is dark red grass, dark
red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he
finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too. "Oh no!!" he says,
"I think I've been marooned!!"
v v v v v
Yahoo! Wallet
Yahoo! Wallet is a secure online storage system for payment
information. The virtual wallet holds your credit card data and
shipping information. When you make an online purchase with
Yahoo! Wallet, you enter your Wallet information instead of your
credit card information. Yahoo! then completes the transaction
with the merchant, using high-security connections to transmit
your credit card number.
You can use the Yahoo! Wallet only in a Yahoo! store or when
buying a Yahoo! service. You can't use it on eBay, or at
Amazon.com, or any shopping haunt outside Yahoo! The Wallet does
work in every Yahoo! store, however, which means thousands of
online merchants accept Wallet transactions.
Yahoo! Wallet provides a secure method of shopping online, and
beyond the safety it offers, it also saves you time. No longer,
when shopping at a Yahoo! store or buying a Yahoo! service, do
you need to dig out your credit card, enter personal information,
and type your shipping address. All of that is accomplished in
the single quick step of entering your security key.
The security key is the . . . um, key to the whole Wallet. It's
like the PIN of a bankcard. You enter the key whenever using the
Wallet to buy goods or services from a Yahoo! page or merchant.
The Wallet does the rest of the work.
To check it out and sign up, visit the Yahoo! Wallet site
[ http://wallet.yahoo.com/ ] for more details. And if you enjoy
the ease of shopping with a Yahoo! Wallet, then you might also be
interested in the Microsoft .Net Passport
[ http://www.passport.net ] service, which can save you time at
even more online merchants.
Customize Yahoo! to deliver the content you want with Yahoo! For
Dummies, 2nd Edition [ http://portal.hungryminds.com/etip.asp?topic=dd11&promo=FeaturedTitles&link=www.dummies
.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764507621.html ],
by Brad Hill.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
JOHNRHAMBY
A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing.
"Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer.
"He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures," answered the woman.
"Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was."
v v v v v
There are two sides to every argument, but I don't
have time to listen to yours.
v v v v v
Traveling? Take AOL With You
Did you know you can get your AOL e-mail anywhere there is Internet access?
Learn how to use AOL Mail on the Web.
Member Favorite: Personalize Your AOL
Our members love that they can personalize the AOL service to suit their needs.
Everything from creating a look and feel for your AOL desktop, to setting spam controls, to
setting your mailbox preferences. All the preferences are listed in one place, easy to scan,
in alphabetical order. Just visit AOL Keyword: Preferences.
Strut Your Stuff
Show off your personality. Did you know you can add wallpaper to the background of your IM?
Choose from hundreds of patterns and images in dozens of categories. To set your
IM Wallpaper, go to AOL Keyword:Buddy Wallpapers.
Plus, pick from a list of hundreds of sounds your buddies will hear each time you send them
an Instant Message. To choose an IM or Buddy Sound,
visit AOL Keyword: Buddy Sounds.
Try These Other AOL Features
New to AOL?
Take a FREE AOL class at AOL Keyword: New Member Central.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Dottiesue 16
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story
with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert
Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was
a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down
so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of
twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed
four more with the knife, ''til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your
daddy teach you from that horrible story?
"Stay away from Aunt Carol when she's been drinking."
v v v v v
A state trooper stopped Betty for going 15 miles over
the speed limit.
After he handed her a ticket, Betty asked, "Don't you
give out warnings?"
"Yes, Ma'am," he replied. They're all up and down the
road. They say, 'Speed limit 65.'"
v v v v v
Some Guys Get Really Pissed When Their Girlfriends Dump Them or Cheat On Them
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/lostdog.shtml
Ouch!!!
SaveMyShow.com
http://www.savemyshow.com/
Vote - let your voice be heard about your fav TV show
*submitted by*
PMSZONE
The Hello World Project
http://www.helloworldproject.com/
Want to send a message to the world? This site will help you do it in a spectacular way.
Send in your message, and see how it is projected by a laserbeam onto a mountain
overlooking Ipanema Beach in Rio de Janeiro, onto the UN building in New York City, onto
the most prominent building in downtown Mumbai or onto a 140 metre tall water fountain in Geneva.
2. Make your own Midi Here
http://www.geocities.com/lmaupin.geo/make_your_own_midi.html
3. INTER.FACE - average portrait of Russian internet users
http://www.keepahead.com/r.ihtml?294245_7269_8434320_http://interface.net.ru/en/_END_
On the basis of his/hers self-identity the user compiles a portrait-avatar. Each portrait
gets it's own unique id, so later it can be used as one of the means of representing network identity.
All created portraits are collected in a database and processed by a special algorithm.
Separated network individuals reunite in one average portrait of the Net User,
the blurred image of which finally becomes defined.
4. WWF US: Endangered Species - Polar Bear
https://secure.worldwildlife.org/polarbears/index.html
Polar bears are in danger from pollution, climate change, and human encroachment
on their habitat. Adopt one virtually and contribute to the World Wildlife Fund's good preservation work
*submitted by*
ColleenBokelman
Goals & Goal-Setting: Setting Goals at myGoals.com
http://www.mygoals.com/
Welcome to the Web's leading site for setting and managing all of your personal
and professional goals. myGoals.com walks you through a comprehensive, step-by-step
goal-setting process for any goal, whether it's short-term or long-term, easy or difficult, practical
or lofty. We also provide pre-made GoalPlans® for popular goals, to get you started even faster.
Once you've set a goal, we'll send you reminders via email that arrive precisely when you
should be working on each task. myGoals.com keeps you focused
and on track until you accomplish your goal.
2. The whatUseek Directory
http://dir.whatuseek.com/
Seek and ye shall find
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
http://www.nws.noaa.gov/om/windchill/index.shtml
http://www.nws.noaa.gov/om/windchill/index.shtml
Wind Chill Temperature Index
2. Heat Index
http://www.crh.noaa.gov/pub/heat.htm
3. Drive-ins.com: Welcome
http://www.drive-ins.com/
The definitive resource for drive-in information
4. Sugarqube Greetings
http://sugarqube.com/
*submitted by*
KP1983
Linx4U26
http://wtv-zone.com/feast/html/linx2/linx3/linx4u26.html
Lots of links to check out if you so desire!
2. Catalogs.com - Order Catalogs from around the world for Free!
http://catalogs.com/catalog/default.asp?from=apt1
eXtreme Segway
http://7pounds.net/users/extreme_segway/gallery.htm
Motown Historical Museum - Detroit
http://www.motownmuseum.com/mtmpages/index.html
SeeMeRot.com :: Live Coffin Cam :: Now with New image every 10 seconds!
http://www.seemerot.com/
O M G -- can this be real?
horoscopes
http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/horoscopes.html
Ouch!
http://www.coldtomatoes.com/games/juggler/pongleur5.swf
http://www.coldtomatoes.com/games/juggler/pongleur5.swf
Learn to juggle - actually it's a game :D
Morphases - More Faces
http://www.morphases.com/editor/
This is a revolutionary face manipulator -- in real time!
v v v v v
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable
words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children
examples of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"
"Does anyone know another word."
"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
"OK Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday." says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables..."
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick
me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, you're thinking of 'blowjob', that's only two syllables!"
v v v v v
v v v v v
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he
decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he
announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.
"Too much trouble," came the reply.
v v v v v
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting
to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than
$20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me,
if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
v v v v v
Review: Norton SystemWorks 3.0 for Mac
Norton's SystemWorks 3.0 is an ubersuite. It bundles the 8.0
version of the venerable Norton Utilities, which includes the
disk-repair utility Disk Doctor, the defragmentation utility
Speed Disk, the deletion tool Wipe Info, the file-recovery tool
UnErase, and the recovery duo FileSaver and Volume Recover. To
find out what else you'll get--and how much you'll have to pay
for it all--check out our review.
Read the SystemWorks for Mac review:
Norton SystemWorks 3.0 for Mac - Software - CNET Reviews
Review: Norton SystemWorks 3.0 for Mac
http://ct.com.com/click?q=c3-x1yCQJLmN_MJEoWI9gypNZdBxFyR
v v v v v
The Ideal Wife should be beautiful,
but not so beautiful that people think
you married her only for her beauty.
And The Ideal Wife should be wealthy,
but not so wealthy that people think
you married her only for her money.
And The Ideal Wife should be gentle,
but not so gentle that she can't
suck a tennis ball through a fifty-foot garden hose.
v v v v v
Ivanhoe's Medical Breakthroughs - Play It Again, Please
http://www.ivanhoe.com/story/p_playagain.cfm
Delaying MS progression
Painful Genital Condition More Common Than Thought
http://www.personalmd.com/news.jsp?nid=516928
High Estrogen Levels Stress You Out
http://www.personalmd.com/news.jsp?nid=517153
Alzheimer's Risk in Men Tied to Low Testosterone
http://www.personalmd.com/news.jsp?nid=517117
v v v v v
How did you lose your job at the dress shop?" a woman
asked her friend.
"Well, after trying on about 85 dresses, the customer
said to me, "I think I'd look nicer in something flowing" -
And I suggested the Mississippi........."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Jrtopcop
A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1, 000 to put a $100
bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to
do this. The man replies, 'I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.'
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious
with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the
reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would
just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: 'First, I like to play with my money.
Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time
my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.'
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Amanda260
Drinking / Party Games - Card Games
http://www.drinksmixer.com/games/cat0.html
A DAY AT THE BEACH
Ingredients
1 oz Coconut Rum
1/2 oz Amaretto
4 oz Orange Juice
1/2 oz Grenadine
Glass Type
Highball Glass
Directions
Shake rum, amaretto, and orange juice in a shaker filled with ice. Strain into a highball glass
over ice. Add grenadine and garnish with a pineapple wedge and a strawberry.
A GOODNIGHT KISS
Ingredients
4 oz Champagne
1 splash Campari Bitters
1 Sugar cube
1 drop Angostura Bitters
Glass Type
Champagne Flute
Directions
Place a drop of angostura bitters on a sugar cube and drop into a champagne flute.
Add champagne and splash of campari.
A SOUTHERN SCREW
Ingredients
2 oz Vodka
2 oz Southern Comfort
6 oz Sunny Delight
Ice
Glass Type
Collins Glass
Directions
Pour over ice, stir and serve.
v v v v v
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-
time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-
timer inquiringly...
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never
believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the
Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women and I
ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!" said the old-timer.
v v v v v
v v v v v
*submitted by*
JOHNRHAMBY
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys
in her bedroom while she was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you
don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in
my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so
good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, but the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the
knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the
backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to the door. When he opened it,
there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yea, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Crosswords refdesk.com
http://www.refdesk.com/crosswrd.html
Car Drive
http://upchucky.com/flash-games-9ball.html
http://www.coldtomatoes.com/games/juggler/pongleur5.swf
http://www.coldtomatoes.com/games/juggler/pongleur5.swf
*submitted by*
Jrtopcop
Zooass Fun & Games - Escape From Neverland
http://www.zooass.com/games/neverland/
B3TA : GAMES ARCHIVE
http://www.b3ta.com/games/
Thinks.com - brain games, puzzles and pastimes
http://www.thinks.com/
v v v v v
*submitted by*
myrnadoman@comcast.net
Why Men Should Be Built By Kodak
* They would automatically shut off when they weren't being used.
* You wouldn't have to wait for them to recharge after each shot.
* They last longer and come with a warranty.
* You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if
not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
* They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
* They come in fashion colors.
* You can keep them in maximum zoom.
* They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
* The parts that count are portable.
* They don't mind over-exposure.
* They respond to the slightest touch.
* The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
v v v v v
v v v v v
*submitted by*
WMBAAS
PMS SOS
~Copyright 2004 by Lynetteisfunny.com
If I could be painted, I would be yellow as in "caution" or
better yet, "watch out."
That’s because I am under the influence of PMS.
Yes, premenstrual syndrome has once again taken over my brain
and turned me into a monster. Small animals and children
should not be allowed around me. Men should cringe in the corner.
Expect to hear me yelling back at the television because I will
disagree with everything said.
I would dearly love to run away from myself but I can’t figure out how.
It’s a woman thing but it affects all who come near. It’s really quite
scary and magnificent all at the same time.
I’ve tried all of the remedies: vitamins A through Z, exercise,
bright lights. If I could walk until I calmed down, I’d be halfway to Brazil by now.
Chocolate helps. In fact, I already placed an order with See’s
for a two-pound custom mix. I made sure to include enough decoy
pieces to distract the children so I can eat the good pieces myself.
See’s is a wonderful chocolate company that is very popular in the West.
They started in the Los Angeles area and were always a big part of every
holiday in my family. Now they are on the web, so y’all can get fat with me.
v v v v v
Southern Comfort Orange Muffins
1 cup Southern Comfort
3 oz. dried cherries -- chopped (about 3/4 cup)
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter or margarine
2 eggs
Zest of 1 orange
2 cups flour
1 t. baking soda
1/4 t. salt
Juice of 1 orange
1 T. sugar
Pour Southern Comfort over chopped cherries in small bowl. Cover and allow to sit for at
least 8 hours or overnight. Preheat oven to 400°F. Cream sugar and butter together until fluffy.
Add eggs and zest and beat well. Combine flour, soda and salt; add to creamed mixture
alternately with Southern Comfort cherry mixture. Blend until well mixed. Portion batter into greased 2-3/4
inch muffin cups. Bake in 400°F oven for 20
minutes. Remove muffin pan to wire rack. Brush muffins with orange juice and sprinkle with
sugar while still warm. Allow to stand 5 minutes before removing from pan.
v v v v v
v v v v v
In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal.
v v v v v
One day at the veterinarian's office where I take my
cat, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring.
After a few moments a technician came to her
co-worker's defense.
"Sir...Do you know what happens to aggressive males
in this office???"
v v v v v
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BillieJo50
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation,
they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good
health they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes.
That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack
of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied.
"The rest are for your father."
v v v v v
Backing away from earlier predictions, the FDA did not
approve silicone breast implants.
But as a stopgap measure they have approved new cleavage-enlarging
contacts for men.
v v v v v
Fodors.com > Features > Smart Travel Tips > Tips for Women Traveling Solo > Safety
http://www.fodors.com/features/nfdisplay1.cfm?name=stt/010316_stt_women_safety
AAA Michigan - Travel Tips & Articles - Ten Tips for Women Travelers
http://www.autoclubgroup.com/michigan/travel/travel_tips/articles.asp?articleID=151§ionID=2
v v v v v
*submitted by*
JOHNRHAMBY
When man invented fire, he didn't say, "Hey, let's cook"...
He said, "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!"
v v v v v
Bald Pick-up Lines
* "You're beautiful, and that's not just the Rogaine talking."
* "I will shower you with gifts with the money I save not buying shampoo."
* "Your eyes are sparkling -- or maybe that's just the glare off my head."
* "Can you see yourself in my head? How about my pants?"
* "Would you like to run your fingers on my head?"
* "Wanna go back to my place and see my hairpiece?"
* "There are two things missing from my life: healthy hair follicle growth and you."
* "Wanna buff me?"
v v v v v
v v v v v
The Top 7 Things Overheard at a
Nudist New Year's Eve Party
7> "Hey, everybody, Happy Nude Year!"
6> "Cut it out! The traditional midnight kiss is on the *lips*!"
5> "Ohmigod! Dick Clark's got the body of a 110-year old!"
4> "Wanna learn what 'stroke of midnight' *really* means?"
3> "Look! Now the other one is dropping!"
2> "That's not exactly what I meant when I suggested we blow our
hooters at midnight."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard
at a Nudist New Year's Eve Party...
1> "Let's all try to see more of each other this year."
v v v v v
Tips - The Men
http://www.beverleywedgwood.co.uk/html/tips_-_the_men.html
Tips for what to wear for the wedding -- groom, groomsmen, etc.
Dating tips, Great dating tips for men providing top attraction tips and online dating tips
http://1st-dating-tips.com/
v v v v v
You Know You're A Dog Person If.....
* Your dog sleeps with you at least five nights a week.
* You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.
* You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
* Lint removers are on your shopping list every week.
* You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
* You sign and send birthday and Christmas cards from your dog.
* You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.
* Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.
* Dog poop is a common source of conversation for you and your significant other.
* You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield
because there are noseprints all over the inside.
* You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.
* You have 18 different names for your dog.
Most make no sense, but she understands them all.
* Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.
* Your hungry significant other comes home from work, lifts the cover
of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?"
* Your hungry significant other once ate the dog food and asked for seconds.
* Your weekend activities are usually planned around taking your dog for hikes.
* You develop your latest roll of film and there isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in it.
* You have your dog's picture on your office desk, but no one else's.
v v v v v
Scratch Polish.com - The Glass Scratch Restoration Specialists offering best
solution for restoring damaged glass and plasti
http://www.scratchpolish.com/
Do It Yourself: Fireplace
http://diynetwork.com/diy/hi_fireplace/article/0,2037,DIY_13914_2578712,00.html
Do It Yourself: Faucets & Fixtures
http://diynetwork.com/diy/ba_faucets_fixtures/article/0,2037,DIY_13710_2275806,00.html
Do It Yourself: Heating & Air
http://diynetwork.com/diy/el_heating_air/article/0,2037,DIY_13804_2268594,00.html
v v v v v
*submitted by*
Dottiesue 16
On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped
into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation,
crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband
had settle